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The Seven Big Myths about Marriage
This work explores some of the most interesting and vexing problems in contemporary life. Appealing to reason rather than religious authority, the book tackles the most controversial and talked about positions of the Catholic Church - on contraception, on marriage, on reproductive technologies, on cohabitation, and on divorce - arguing for the reasonableness of the Church's views on these issues.
The book’s interdisciplinary approach, following the precedent of Thomas Aquinas, looks to human happiness and fulfillment, properly understood, in seeking the answers to questions about how to live. It aims to show to skeptical readers that what the Catholic Church teaches about controversial issues is rationally justified by considering evidence from psychology, sociology, and philosophy.
The foundation of Kaczor’s approach is happiness. We all want to be happy. Every day, in whatever we do, we seek this goal. But what exactly is happiness? And how can we find it? The saints and psychologists agree: there can be no real happiness without authentic love-erotic love, friendship love, and self-giving love (agape).
From this foundation of happiness Kaczor explores the nature of marriage, and the love they promise to each other, which is agape, a selfgiving love that is the choice to do good for the other. He also examines alternatives to covenant marriage, such as polygamy and samesex marriage, as well as cohabitation.
Finally the book explores the value of children. To make sense of Catholic teaching on contraception, he says that we must first reconsider the value of fertility and having children. On!y in this perspective, can one begin to understanding what the Church teaches.
- GenresMarriagePhilosophy
217 pages, Kindle Edition
First published April 20, 2014
8 people are currently reading
83 people want to read
About the author
Christopher Kaczor
29 books34 followersDr. Christopher Kaczor (Born 1969 ) is Professor of Philosophy at Loyola Marymount University in Los Angeles. He graduated from the Honors Program of Boston College earned a Ph.D. four years later from the University of Notre Dame. He did post-doctoral work in Germany at the University of Cologne as an Alexander von Humbolt Foundation, Federal Chancellor Fellow and returned as a Fulbright Scholar.
Dr. Kaczor's research on issues of ethics, philosophy, and religion has been in The Wall Street Journal, the Huffington Post, National Review, NPR, BBC, EWTN, ABC, NBC, FOX, CBS, MSNBC, and The Today Show.
Dr. Kaczor's research on issues of ethics, philosophy, and religion has been in The Wall Street Journal, the Huffington Post, National Review, NPR, BBC, EWTN, ABC, NBC, FOX, CBS, MSNBC, and The Today Show.
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Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews
June 23, 2014
The Seven Big Myths About Marriage is the second book written by Dr. Christopher Kaczor (rhymes with razor) that follows the "seven myths" approach. The first was, The Seven Big Myths About the Catholic Church. In his book on marriage (co-written with his wife, Jennifer) he begins by describing four types of people based on the happiness they pursue - the hedonist, the egoist' the altruist, and the altruist of faith. To explain them briefly, the hedonist finds happiness in bodily pleasure. The egoist is happy when "winning." The altruist seeks happiness in love of others, and the altruist of faith find their happiness "in loving and serving God and the image of God found in every human person." I never thought people could be explained so easily, but the four classifications fit. Now, we have to remember that we can be any of these four types at some point in our life, sometimes on the same day. However, the ultimate aspiration is clearly the altruist of faith.
The introduction would have been enough wisdom for me in the book, but it continues by getting to the meat of the book, which are the "seven myths about marriage." They are:
Love is Simple
Marriage is a Fifty-Fifty Contract
Love Alone Makes a Marriage
Cohabitations is Just Like Marriage
Premarital Sex is No Big Deal
Children are Irrelevant to Marriage
All Reproductive Choices are Equal
Each myth has its own chapter devoted to it and begins by telling you the myth, which is immediately followed by "the reality." For example, the myth "Marriage is a Fifty-Fifty Contract," is rebutted with, "Marriage is a 100 percent-100 percent covenant." Since I'm already married and a firm believer in Natural Family Planning (NFP), I was not the intended target for some chapters, i.e., cohabitation, premarital sex, or reproductive choices. The first three chapters all spoke powerfully to me though and are ones that I have considered both on a superficial level and a deeper level at varying points in my life, but they really helped make things click. His description of the different types of love and friendship in "love is simple" are a good reference point for the married and unmarried.
One could assume from the title that this book is intended only for married and soon-to-be married people, but I say this a book for all. If you are a pastor or priest, especially one involved in marriage preparation, you will find this book invaluable. If you have friends who try to argue that love is love and all types of "marriage" should be legalized, you will find great arguments on what truly makes a marriage and how it is different from some state-issued contract that people try to declare is a "marriage." If you are a parent, who has budding teenagers or soon to be college students will find useful information as well. In a nutshell, buy this book; read it; and re-read it. You won't regret it.
The introduction would have been enough wisdom for me in the book, but it continues by getting to the meat of the book, which are the "seven myths about marriage." They are:
Love is Simple
Marriage is a Fifty-Fifty Contract
Love Alone Makes a Marriage
Cohabitations is Just Like Marriage
Premarital Sex is No Big Deal
Children are Irrelevant to Marriage
All Reproductive Choices are Equal
Each myth has its own chapter devoted to it and begins by telling you the myth, which is immediately followed by "the reality." For example, the myth "Marriage is a Fifty-Fifty Contract," is rebutted with, "Marriage is a 100 percent-100 percent covenant." Since I'm already married and a firm believer in Natural Family Planning (NFP), I was not the intended target for some chapters, i.e., cohabitation, premarital sex, or reproductive choices. The first three chapters all spoke powerfully to me though and are ones that I have considered both on a superficial level and a deeper level at varying points in my life, but they really helped make things click. His description of the different types of love and friendship in "love is simple" are a good reference point for the married and unmarried.
One could assume from the title that this book is intended only for married and soon-to-be married people, but I say this a book for all. If you are a pastor or priest, especially one involved in marriage preparation, you will find this book invaluable. If you have friends who try to argue that love is love and all types of "marriage" should be legalized, you will find great arguments on what truly makes a marriage and how it is different from some state-issued contract that people try to declare is a "marriage." If you are a parent, who has budding teenagers or soon to be college students will find useful information as well. In a nutshell, buy this book; read it; and re-read it. You won't regret it.
January 21, 2016
This listing has a different subtitle from my actual book, which reads:
"What Science, Faith, and Philosophy Teach Us about Love and Happiness."
If you are interested in marriage from any perspective--Think you might get married some day? Might have to deal with some people who are? Already married and wondering if you could improve? Wondering what these weird Catholics are always making such a big deal about? Just wondering what marriage even IS, since our culture is hopelessly lost with respect to even defining the word?--you would do well to read this.
"What Science, Faith, and Philosophy Teach Us about Love and Happiness."
If you are interested in marriage from any perspective--Think you might get married some day? Might have to deal with some people who are? Already married and wondering if you could improve? Wondering what these weird Catholics are always making such a big deal about? Just wondering what marriage even IS, since our culture is hopelessly lost with respect to even defining the word?--you would do well to read this.
July 4, 2014
I agree with Peter Kreeft. This should be required reading for all couples discerning marriage. Heck, there is so much confusion about marriage, this should be required reading for everyone in America, including high school students.
January 11, 2015
This was a Christmas present from my husband. This is an excellent review of GOD's definition, purpose, & design for covenant marriage. Great objective evidence for covenant marriage & the lifelong happiness it brings to couples for GOD's glory. I thank GOD for my loving & wise husband.
May 18, 2022
I picked this book up with the expectation of it providing advice about marriage for believing Catholics, but while there is some of that in the early running, it is more about ad extram arguments for the Catholic understanding of marriage and sex. Inevitably it gets polemical in places, and sounds stilted and philosophical in others. It goes on weird discursi (or is discursus fourth declension?) on non-issues (for most readers?) like polygamy being contrary to, ummm, human flourishing. Still, as a survey it could give someone with poor effective understanding of Catholic teaching a sense of the fact that yes, there are reasons behind all these "rules."
There is no understanding of addiction and codependency exhibited in this book, although addiction is referenced in the early running (pp. 15, 17). Everyone is placed on a linear path from hedonist to egoist to altruist to enlightened altruist, so once again, like so much religious literature, its understood audience is the garden variety genial egotist, as the authors frankly admit themselves to have been when they got married at age 22 (pp. 9-12). Still, there are some valuable nuances, especially in the footnotes (e.g. p. 24: "The lover seeks... a point good... for the lover but also for the beloved"). They repeatedly cite One Body: An Essay in Christian Sexual Ethics by Alexander Pruss and it sounds like that would be the place to go for serious intellectual coverage of a lot of the issues raised by this book.
There is no understanding of addiction and codependency exhibited in this book, although addiction is referenced in the early running (pp. 15, 17). Everyone is placed on a linear path from hedonist to egoist to altruist to enlightened altruist, so once again, like so much religious literature, its understood audience is the garden variety genial egotist, as the authors frankly admit themselves to have been when they got married at age 22 (pp. 9-12). Still, there are some valuable nuances, especially in the footnotes (e.g. p. 24: "The lover seeks... a point good... for the lover but also for the beloved"). They repeatedly cite One Body: An Essay in Christian Sexual Ethics by Alexander Pruss and it sounds like that would be the place to go for serious intellectual coverage of a lot of the issues raised by this book.
November 9, 2017
A slim volume disproving common myths about relationships today in America. He bases his approach in appeals to reason rather than emotional or purely theistic pleas. Catholicism comes up frequently, but one needn't be Catholic to find the value of Kaczor's careful, easy-to-follow arguments for covenant marriages over the all-too-common contract unions.
He bases his arguments in the philosophy of how to be truly happy: from level one pleasure-bound hedonism to level four theistic altruism. Drawing heavily from both philosophy and statistics, he draws practical conclusions of how to live well.
His myths are as follows:
Love is simple,
Marriage is a 50/50 contract,
Love alone makes a marriage,
Cohabitation is just like marriage,
Premarital sex is no big deal,
Children are irrelevant to marriage, and
All reproductive choices are equal.
I was challenged at points, but mostly he gives what I learned in RCIA about the Church's teaching a newer voice and more compelling arguments for things that I've previously struggled to understand from the Catholic perspective, such as: cohabitation, IVF, gay marriage, and "love is enough" ideologies.
He bases his arguments in the philosophy of how to be truly happy: from level one pleasure-bound hedonism to level four theistic altruism. Drawing heavily from both philosophy and statistics, he draws practical conclusions of how to live well.
His myths are as follows:
Love is simple,
Marriage is a 50/50 contract,
Love alone makes a marriage,
Cohabitation is just like marriage,
Premarital sex is no big deal,
Children are irrelevant to marriage, and
All reproductive choices are equal.
I was challenged at points, but mostly he gives what I learned in RCIA about the Church's teaching a newer voice and more compelling arguments for things that I've previously struggled to understand from the Catholic perspective, such as: cohabitation, IVF, gay marriage, and "love is enough" ideologies.
Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews