Ayah, Ini Arahnya ke Mana, ya?

by Khoirul Trian

Ayah, ternyata benar ya. Setelah dewasa kita semua harus punya banyak uang. Harus bekerja lebih keras lagi, harus bertarung dengan isi kepala sendiri. Harus menyampingkan banyak keinginan untuk sekadar tetap bertahan hidup sampai bertemu pagi lagi.

Ayah, setelah dewasa aku bertemu banyak orang yang menyakitkan dalam hidup dan kali ini aku gak punya banyak keberanian untuk melawannya. Ayah, kadang aku kalah, kadang aku kuat, kadang semuanya terjadi begitu saja dengan penuh pura-pura yang aku coba kesampingkan rasa sakitnya.

Ayah, hari ini aku kesepian dan gak tahu harus lari kemana lagi. Ayah, ini arahnya ke mana, ya? Anak kecil ini kehilangan jalan pulangnya.

164 pages, Paperback

First published October 15, 2024

Reviews

[Lailatun Nadhirah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Huhu...baru nak masukkan dalam Goodreads.

Dah lama tangguh baca buku ni, sebab sangat merindui sosok tubuh seorang ayah. Rasa perit nak baca walaupun perisiannya bagus. Rasanya ia akan jadi sangat, sangat perit apabila kita sudah ketiadaan kedua-dua ibu bapa.

Buat kalian yang sudah ketiadaan ayah, saya nasihatkan, read at your own risk.
Sebab memang awak akan sentiasa menangis baca tiap-tiap satu muka surat. Yang mengalami sahaja tahu berat emosi tu bagaimana.

Letih menangis. Terima kasih tuan penulis. Anda telah membantu saya melepaskan segala persoalan yang berserabut dalam kepala saya sejak ketiadaan kedua-duanya. Terima kasih banyak2. Semoga Allah membalas kebaikan tuan.

[Zalila Isa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Membaca naskhah ini dengan emosi sendiri rupanya tetap meluruhkan rasa nestapa. Walaupun masih ada abah, tapi membaca catatan (atau luahan hati) anak yang kehilangan susuk seorang ayah bukan mudah. Emosi turut berantakan.

Buku ini terbahagi kepada beberapa segmen mengikut kronologi - ketika kehilangan ayah waktu belum bersedia, ketika mula menguatkan dan memujuk hati sendiri, ketika berusaha kuat untuk meneruskan kehidupan dewasa dan ada segmen catatan daripada si ayah (sebelum pergi).

Ini bukan sebarang self-motivation. Setiap patah kata membawa arah pengharapan.

Semoga mereka yang kehilangan arah setelah susuk utama dalam keluarga pergi selamanya, akan terus kuat dan terpandu ke arah yang lebih baik. Menangislah, kerana itulah salah satu cara kita membuang sebahagian persoalan yang tidak mampu kita selesaikan.

[Han · Rating 4 out of 5]

NANGIS

[Sizarifalina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ayat² dalam buku ni simple je. Tapi bila ayah sudah tiada. Ayat² dalam buku ini sangat deep. Allayarham Daddy Siz pulang rahmatullah pada tahun 2018. Perit sangat. Buku ini meningatkan kata² Allahyarham. Menangis tu jangan cakap la. Memang akan menangis. Sebab tu makan masa jugak nak habis baca buku ni.

[Bebe · Rating 4 out of 5]

“Dalam hidup, kita bertemu dengan banyak bentuk kehilangan. Bisa diterima atau tidak, semua kehilangan memaksa kita untuk menerima.” ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

SEDIH BGTTT, baca ini kaya beneran dikasih pesan sm bapak deh ❤️

[Ella Sandi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sedih bgt baca buku ini 😭😭

[Readmorebooks · Rating 5 out of 5]

Bought this book when my life felt hard and i wonder what it feels like to have a dad to rely on as a first born daughter. This book express the things i want to say but don’t know where to say it and also felt like something that my father will say in the afterlife to me (it’s like he is hugging me and is sorry that he cannot be here with me). Good book to make you cry and felt a little bit better afterwards (i cried a whole lot tho).

Although some of the parts are not related as it is not intended for me as a daughter or as a first born (the author made some parts for sons and 2nd and last born child so maybe you that are not the first born daughter and is also wondering what it’ll felt like to have a dad can also cry on this book).

[Edfitri Muflihatusyawal · Rating 3 out of 5]

Senangnya bisa membaca bukunya Khoirul Trian dengan judul Ayah, ini Arahnya Kemana, Ya! Sangat bisa untuk dibaca sekali duduk. Terangkai dalam diksi yang indah sehingga seru sekali untuk diresapi.

Buku ini sangat cocok dibaca saat merindukan sosok ayah sembari mengenang memori-memori indah yang dahulu ditorehkan. Beberapa bagian banyak mengingatkan tentang bagaimana perjuangan ayah membesarkan anaknya.

Lalu, ada juga apa yang kuyakini kemudian tervalidasi. Sebagaimana soal cara ayah mencintai anak-anaknya. Kadang di luar prediksi dan tidak biasa. Tapi itulah adanya. Ayah selalu punya cara unik untuk mengungkapkan cintanya.
#noteed

[Book MY · Rating 2 out of 5]

Silap saya sebab tak study betul2 buku ni sebelum baca - I thought buku ni share cerita tentang pengalaman seorang ayah tapi turn out buku ni style penulisan dia berbentuk kata2 atau puisi ringkas, which is tak salah but I’m not really a fan of this type of writing style. Still a good book though..

Overall macam monolog or rintihan hati seorang anak yang telah kehilangan susuk tubuh seorang ayah, di bahagian bab belakang penulis switch character dari seorang anak yang merintih sedihnya hilang seorang ayah kepada seorang bapa yang meninggalkan pesan kepada anaknya (majlis perkahwinan, majlis pengebumian diri dia).. Kinda feels like an open letter to his future daughter / son

One thing that sticks with me with this kind of writing style - it really reflects a father's personality. Lelaki atau lebih tepat seorang ayah secara umumnya, tak banyak bercakap. Jika bercakap, pendek2 patahnya, straight forward tapi mendalam maksudnya.. So perhaps lebih tepat this kind of writing is the only right way that best represents their personality (even though I do recognize other ways that might work as well). This book also, ditulis oleh seorang bapa, so yeah you kind of can feel it

Kalau kita take time untuk baca sambil2 dengar spotify list yang penulis suggest, mungkin akan lebih mendalam dan menghayati buku ni.. It will go deeper. I didn’t do this btw just read it raw..at the end, untuk buku yg bawa tema mcmni, its not hard to catch our feeling, we all share the same ground - semua orang ada mak ayah. Samada whether they are a good parent or not, a child always has that special bond and needs of their parent. So by saying so, when you take time reading this book, all that sort of memories flash out and you realize that this isn’t just a book, but an open letter / a glimpse of future grieve to those who still have their parent and to those who already lose them, a letter that capture and expose our deep pain. A good reminder to all parties.

Ramai orang fikir they’ll do good without their father only to realize the great loss when their father passed away. You’ll never ever be ready for the loss no matter how well you're mentally prepared for that. Relatable, ayat mudah nak faham walaupun penulisnya orang Indonesia. Klik link di bawah untuk membaca;

https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSHWJ1AAgj1kj-m...

[Radifan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Buku dengan bahasa sederahana mudah dipahami, dengan beberapa aktivitas didalamnya. Menjadi wajar menjadi salah satu buku terlaris karena penulis menulis dengan jujur dengan pov dirinya jika sebagai seorang ayah, seorang ibu, seorang anak terutama yang kurang memiliki figur ayah dalam hidupnya.

[Sofea Zainal · Rating 3 out of 5]

will put review here later

[Ahmad Eko Julianto · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book tells the story of how a child who is left behind by his father where the writing of the author is very easy to understand and made as relevant as possible for readers.

[Mahiraa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Keren banget 🥹

[Nizar Bajri · Rating 4 out of 5]

Simple, tapi menyentuh banget

[Caren Gultom · Rating 4 out of 5]

meski ada bbrp bagian yg diulang, tp ada insight2 menarik di dlmnya.. ada klimaksnya.. dan penulis berhasil bikin pembaca terhanyut sih 💔🫶🏻

[Bobby Montonglayuk · Rating 5 out of 5]

Rindu sesosok ayah telah lama pergi

[Clarynn]

Bukunya baguss

[AL GEOREL · Rating 5 out of 5]

dari al untuk ayahku bapak, pundak mu dulu sekarang ternyata menjadi pundakku bapak

[reva · Rating 4 out of 5]

🥹❤️

[jolanda · Rating 4 out of 5]

😭

[Dyah Puspitasari · Rating 4 out of 5]

baca ini bikin kangen papa sih 🥹

[Zelviaaa Aris · Rating 5 out of 5]

Damn it hurts😭

[Kadina W · Rating 3 out of 5]

Untuk yang baru berduka, kurasa buku ini cukup relate. Tapi beberapa halaman serasa dipaksa ikut masuk buku..

[Arie Angraeni · Rating 1 out of 5]

This is a quote compilation book. Quotes about living in a harsh, cold world and having to bear the responsibilities as an adult alone. Alone, figuratively. Because the one person the author deemed to be reliable (in this book, his father) has stopped taking that role (due to ambiguous cause, but most probably death), the author is now forced to live without having anyone to rely on anymore.

Anyways, I'll probably sound harsh after this. But this is purely because I think I'm not the audience so other people might enjoy it (I've seen the TikToks, a lot of people do enjoy it). I'm just saying this as someone outside of the author's audience. I'm having a hard time reading this.

Hard as in: have you ever had to listen to someone grieve for a long time and they're being very repetitive about things they want to share and it's getting hard to hear (or in this case, read)? Like you try so hard to empathize but it's been shared over and over and over again that you wonder why are they still there? I understand people grieve differently and that's exactly why I think this book needs a specific audience to enjoy it. Maybe, for people who are not done grieving for their father and/or people who hasn't healed from their loss because the world hasn't let them rest.

As someone who lost her father when she's still in school, it's unbearable to read this. I can't imagine saying this all to my father who worked so hard in life to raise and protect my family. He died, I grieve, but I won't complain. He's resting, in peace. Maybe to get more specific for the targeted audience, this book is targeted for people who haven't healed their inner child. Who still have leftover resentment for their parents but will never have the chance to work on it with the said parent again.

This book uses simple words and has a limited vocabulary. Logically, this should be an easy read. But not really when it's a quote compilation book with no plot whatsoever. It's so hard to latch on and get into the book. I was trying so hard to find the deeper, hidden meaning behind the simple sentences. A side note, it irks me so much when there are sudden shifts in formal and informal language. There's a lot of that here. Maybe an artistic choice, I don't know.
*I read the Author's introduction and it says that the books he wrote originated mostly from the notes he took on his phone and scribbles on his notebook. Maybe he hasn't edited them properly.


Everything sounds so straightforward and superficial. Being like that and having all that space (one entire page consists of only 1 - 3 sentences consists of 6 - 12 words), it enhances the feeling of empty and meaningless. Maybe that was the purpose and another artistic choice of the author.

Though I have to say, not all of them are unenjoyable. There were a few, that didn't hit close but somehow resonated with me. The ones that talked about how he came from half of his father, and though he suffers in life, he promised to take care of his body as a form of his love for his father. That one was good. This entire one star is for that.

[Girinda Arsy · Rating 3 out of 5]

hanya beberapa halaman yang menurutku emosinya dapet, sisanya kurang dan ada beberapa gaya bahasa yng menurutku aga "aneh" untuk dibaca

[bina · Rating 4 out of 5]

sudah menyiapkan diri baca ini di situasi yang ramai, berisik, ngga terlalu fokus, but i ended up sobbing anyway (and rightfully so).

[dip. · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sama seperti buku sebelumnya, tapi ini lebih fokus ke ayah. Awalnya mikir apa bapaknya penulis nih meninggal makanya sekangen itu. Untuk narasinya memang multitafsir. Bisa buat anak yang bapaknya meninggalkan dunia, meninggalkan keluarga buat kerja jauh. Kalau bapaknya brengsek sih, nggak relate ya. Soalnya narasinya Ayah ini masih bertanggungjawab dan kangen juga. Keinget buku Yang Namanya Cemara tapi ini versi kalut galau akut.