Shadow Self

by Paula Marais

No mother is perfect...Thea Middleton is behind bars for an unthinkable crime. As she, her husband Clay and eldest daughter Sanusha try to repair their shattered lives, their individual accounts form the pieces of a tragic puzzle that will haunt them forever.

347 pages, Paperback

First published April 20, 2014

About the author

Paula Marais is the author of several books including her recent novel Shadow Self, which was longlisted for the Etisalat Prize.

She lives in Cape Town, South Africa but spends a lot of time planning where she'll travel next (Panama and the US). She also adores: quality coffee, whiskey, cookery, beautiful views and contemporary art. Paula reads anything but science fiction (sorry!)

Paula is married with two sons and an overly spoilt Jack Russell called Sunny.

She has a Master’s in Creative Writing from the University of Cape Town and is an alumnus of Bread Loaf in Vermont, the oldest and most illustrious writing conference in the US.

Connect with her on: www.facebook.com/PaulaJMarais/.

Reviews

[Bandit · Rating 2 out of 5]

Often times random interesting at the time sounding freebies end up on my Kindle. So did this one at some juncture. Accordingly expectations were pretty low going in, but it actually read pretty well, a compelling depiction of a young family going off the rails brought on in part by the wife’s mental state. And then the book did the worst thing…it just ended, abruptly, with a suggestion to download the rest of the book. I wouldn’t have read it, had I known it was merely a teaser and, of course, now I’m too annoyed at it to even think about downloading the rest. Don’t remember a thing about this being a preview, wouldn’t have gotten a just a preview. What a cheap ploy, completely screws up what would have been otherwise probably quite a decent read.

[Taryn · Rating 5 out of 5]

What an incredible book. Started reading Shadow Self on Friday afternoon and could not put it down until I had finished it at 2.30am on the Sunday morning. That is an all time record for me.
Incredibly believable characters, especially Sunisha and Thea. Loved Sunisha. But Thea just enters your heart and it breaks for her and for Clay. I highly recommend this book and will be looking out for The Punishment and then any other books she brings out.
Paula Marais may have only written 2 novels that I know of but she writes like a well acclaimed author, in the same league as Jodi Picoult.
Read it and do not miss out on this amazing book.
Paula may this inspire YOU to write more books that highlight topics of interest where you allow the reader to almost feel what the character is feeling and going through.Paula Marais

[Alta Cloete · Rating 4 out of 5]

Die boek spook by my ook en ek dink ook die einde is te stomp. (Sien Anne-Marie se resensie.) Maar veral spook dit by my omdat ek nie seker is dis net 'n storie nie. En omdat ek - wat 'n ma is - kan verstaan hoe dinge tot daardie punt kon gekom het.
As jy 'n slaggie dankbaar wil wees vir jou stapeltjie probleme, lees hierdie boek en te jou seëninge.
Ek dink die boek is baie goed geskryf. Ek is veral mal oor die dele uit die dogtertjie se oogpunt. Die verskillende perspektiewe het my soms effens verwar, maar dalk is dit net omdat ek so getraumatiseer was deur die gegewe.
En ja, vir Clay en Thea is ek onhoudbaar jammer.
Dis veral 'n boek oor hoe maklik kinders ouers se aksies as verwerping ervaar en watter geweldige effek dit op hul lewens kan hê.

[Christine · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thea Middleton commits one of the worse crimes imaginable. We follow Thea as she struggles with mental illness, her husband Clay in his quest to 'fix' Thea and her daughter Sanusha as she grows up with an unstable mother.

Due to the subject matter of this book, this is not an easy read. We know what's coming and it's horrific on every level. Marais does a great job portraying Thea as both aggressor and victim, so much so that I equal parts hated and felt sorry for her. Clay went from being a delusional 'I can fix her if I love her enough' guy to someone I was practically shouting at through the pages, "Clay, can't you see she is unwell?!". But my favorite character and one I really loved and consistently felt sorry for was Sanusha. Sanusha is a brilliant child who knows something is not quite right with her mother.

Overall, a challenging, sad but very powerful read. I couldn't stop thinking about it once I finished. If you have suffered from post-partum depression, you may want to avoid this one.

Grade: 5/5

[Gary Brooks · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very moving. Thought provoking and well researched. A fascinating insight into a not to well know area of psychiatry. The ensemble of atmospheres the author creates sometimes creates a realistic impression of some of our recent criminal justice history. For example the opening chapter sometimes reminds me of the Dinah Rodrigues case when it was heard in the Cape High Court.
The author does well to present Thea as not only a perpetrator but also as a sad and lonely victim of circumstances for the most part entirely beyond her control. The absence of a mother or for that matter a father figure adds to her condition.

In the end one feels a great deal of empathy for Thea. The author cleverly and accurately "weaves" in a growing symptomatic psychosis which slowly engulfs Thea. Bit by bit all support structures slowly vanish, a growing estrangement from her daughter Sanusha coupled with the diminishing importance of her husband Clay. Leaves her with no one but her own illusion laden psychosis.

I see the last chapter as a last ditch desperate outcry for help. Unfortunately it fell upon deaf ears of an uncaring mother. More interested in her own hurts than the desperate situation which was unfolding right in front of her. Indeed her Mom probably neither, heard nor saw or even cared when Thea came to see her.

In short a brilliantly good book.

[Yvette Van wijk · Rating 4 out of 5]

The subject of story is not easy reading, and disturbing at times. But I could not put the book down once I started! Many things I liked about it - it is set in Cape Town and very much South African but without being over insistent about it, this is a pleasant change and one gets a real feel of Cape Town and the sort of life people lead there. It is about parenthood, both from the mother's and the father's point of view, and it is not rosy by any means! This is also good, too many novels only show the idealised side of family life, or else only the ugly side of it. Paula manages to show the everyday, happy, sad and horrific facets that really constitute most people's family life, just rather more horrific here than normal - though probably more common than we realise or accept! Well worth reading, even though it is not necessarily a comfortable read.

[Briony · Rating 5 out of 5]

Just finished reading Paula Marais' book Shadow Self. I can highly recommend it!

Shadow Self is a really absorbing read! I am not a mother so in some instances couldn't identify with Thea's struggles as a mother at all. But as adaughter I certainly could identify with both Thea and Sanusha.
I really enjoyed how the story is told from the three perspectives of Thea, Sanusha and Clay as well as how the story moves backwards and forwards in time.
Certainly not a lighthearted story, but quite provocative and I have learned a lot about the struggles that some women have with post partum depression - the book is a win for me in that it entertained me and gave me a new perspective and lens through which to see how others live.

[Anne-Marie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Die boek was vir my erg. En die einde is te stomp. Alhoewel dit seker nog 'n boek sal kos om te vertel wat later van Thea geword het. Die boek is baie goed geskryf, maar ek sou dit eerder nie wou gelees het nie. Wat Thea gedoen het, spook by my, al weet ek dis net 'n storie. As sy maar net vroeër hulp gekry het. Maar as is weereens verbrande hout.

[Lyndsay Barr · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a very well researched, well written book. It is a hard subject to even think about. This book will stay with me for a long time to come.

[Sakhile Mazibuko · Rating 5 out of 5]

I picked it at random, from the school library. Like I always do, when I'm at a bookstore or library, I opened the first page. And this became the book that I couldn't stop recommending, if someone wants to know more about mental health issues, and what goes on, inside the head of the affected person.

It's an emotionally heavy read, as it gains momentum, in unfolding the events. Nonetheless, it remains gripping because of its suspense.

From recovery to relapse, to moving on from one relationship to the next. The difficulties of marriage. And everything in between.

The characters in the book are vehemently authentic and so are their actions and their dialogue (in terms of their distinctive speech patterns and style), where you'd have Sanusha depicting the speech pattern and the thinking process of a gifted child, where she says her parents think that she's ignorant to the cold war happening in the house, as well as her father's cheating.

It's also great how the characters develop, over time, where Sanusha gets to make her life decisions, free from her family's interference.

Thea's development of her illness over time, gives one of many examples of how progressive mental illness can get, if one doesn't get help, as soon as possible, where her problems of rejection as a child, carryover to her problems of being rejected as a bride, where she reckons, just moving on would help. But the problems get worse with Postnatal depression. And the culmination of those problems, bring her catastrophic end.

This book also shows that, sometimes, even our love for those affected, can never be enough, as is the case for Clay and Sanusha, as they care for Thea. And only professional help is the solution.

All in all, a well researched, flowing book.

[Tony Parsons · Rating 3 out of 5]

Rajit (A/A, 1st. husband/father, vegetarian, UCT) & Thea June Middleton (wife/mother) had a daughter Sanusha (narrator).
Worcester. Thea (24, tour guide) had been arrested.
Tom Harper (defense attorney) would represent her.
Robbie (Thea’s brother) was died of cancer.
Thea would go to the Catholic church & confess every week.
Rajit had died.
Clay (27, 2nd. husband, Appa) & Thea got married.
He later had a heart attack & died.
Aunt Annie was teaching Sanusha how to cook.
What is Thea’s future?

I did not receive any type of compensation for reading & reviewing this book. While I receive free books from publishers & authors, I am under no obligation to write a positive review, only an honest one. All thoughts & opinions are entirely my own.

A very awesome book cover, & great font/writing style. A fairly well written cultural family adventure book. It wasn’t always very easy for me to read/follow from start/finish, but never a dull moment. There were no grammar/typo errors, nor any repetitive or out of line sequence sentences. Lots of exciting scenarios, with several twists/turns & a great set of unique characters to keep track of. I’m not really sure I understood the whole story content so I will only rate it at 3/5 stars.

Thank you for the free Instafreebie; Human & Rousseau; NB Publishers (Media24 Boeke (Pty) Ltd); Logogog Press; Author; PDF book
Tony Parsons (Washburn)

[Gina Fourie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was an incredibly moving, anxiety provoking page turner. While I normally find it hard to find enough time to get into a book, the ominous undertones between the interwoven characters made me not want to put this book down. A tragic story about post natal psychosis and depression. At the end I was left wishing for more. A great read!!!

[Heidi de Goede · Rating 4 out of 5]

Nie die tipe boek wat ek gewoonlik sal lees nie, maar WOW! Het hom verslind.

[Lynette Tiaden · Rating 4 out of 5]

Enjoyed reading this book.

[Sarah Olivier · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loved this book! Not something I normally would go for but well written and something different.

[Colleen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This new international edition of Shadow Self is launching 12 December 2016.
Desperate parts of ourselves are always lurking in the shadows. And sometimes they come out of the shadows and overcome us. Shadow Self is a powerful account of post-natal depression and the worst possible outcome of this condition. Paula Marais takes us into the mind of a desperate woman losing touch with herself and reality. The novel explores the complex despair of the mother, as well as the effects of her depression on her daughter and husband from their points of view. We are drawn into Thea’s depression and her reality becomes our own. It is difficult to read, and that difficulty is part of the strength of the writing. Mental illness and it’s devastating effects on the sufferer as well as those close to them is challenging, and is an experience many of us have in different ways with ourselves or people close to us.
Cape Town is the setting which will resonate with many readers who are familiar with Cape Town. However, it is a story that is broader in the telling than the place in which it is set.
Shadow Self was longlisted for the Etisalat Prize for Literature in 2015, and was winner of the 2015 South African Translators’ Institute Outstanding Literary translation prize for the Afrikaans translation of the book, Skaduself.
The new international Kindle edition has a link at the end for you to enter a competition to win a Kindle Fire.

[Nicole Lubbe · Rating 5 out of 5]

For someone currently struggling with antenatal depression this is a scary book. As i have first hand seen my mom go through Postnatal depression twice i know i should brace myself but also because suffering from chronic depression makes you realise you are not alone in your thoughts. What a gripping story. But i feel its a excellent way to introduce this topic to society so instead of judging women you see leading this path we can reach out and help them as too many people still believe that mental illnesses are just a hoax

[Bev · Rating 4 out of 5]

Shadow Self starts with Thea Middleton appearing in court. She is confused, and disoriented. She starts telling us her story, with alternating chapters told by young Sanusha.

Thea was married to Rajit, and then Clay. Clay also tells us his side of the story.

With these three first-person narratives, a chilling, unsettling, dark and sinister plot emerges, set in beautiful sunny Cape Town, where shadows and darkness are ignored - they don't belong after all - until they go away.

Tales like this are hard to tell, and usually difficult to read. I didn't struggle with reading this one, so masterful was the telling.

Read my full review here.

[Marilize · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book stays with you long after you finished reading it, mostly because the ending is very open. The subject matter – postpartum depression, mental illness and the role of family – is sobering for the reader. Don't expect to adore the self-destructive protagonist or to leave the book with a feeling of having finished a great story.

The author mirrored the unfinished business that is everyday life and the lack of answers that anyone can provide over the death of two children at the hands of their mentally ill mother.

Set in Cape Town, it is refreshing to see a story play out in familiar surroundings.

Despite the sobering subject matter, the book reads easily and quickly and it will leave the reader with sympathy for the protagonist, despite the abhorrence of her actions.

Worth a read for Capetonians and anyone interested in the effects of mental health on a person's family life.

[Kara Peters · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a very good book, couldn't put it down, to be honest! After her first book, The Punishment, I was eager to see what Paula Marais wrote next. Once again the author has created some amazing characters, each with their own unique, distinct, identifiable voice. As I got closer and closer to the end, I felt more and more trepidation as the story unfolded. While the topic may be a difficult one, it is one she has handled very well and has thoroughly researched. I highly recommend!!!

[Kirsty Savides · Rating 5 out of 5]

This thrilling book ruined my work week!! I just couldn't put it down. The story was absolutely gripping. Although fiction, it's so well researched and written that I found myself completely drawn into the story. Tackling the topic of post-natal depression in a way that was both informative and thrilling. Set in my favourite city, Cape Town. Paula Marais is an author to be watched - Highly recommended.

[Tracy Jackson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I couldn't put this book down, It gripped me right from the beginning. The author did a really good job of showing all sides of an extremely shocking event. She also developed the main character really well, allowing the reader to understand a flawed character that could've otherwise been one dimensional. I also loved the setting. The book brought Cape Town alive for me.

[Sonja Randall · Rating 5 out of 5]

Unforgivable crime, such a sad story, one most of us can relate to on some level. We all just want to be love and accepted for who we are. We want to belong, love is a basic need and the lack of the love of your mother can push an individual over the edge as in the case of Thea.

[Melissa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Disturbing but riveting.

[Theresa Theron · Rating 5 out of 5]

Die storie sal altyd by my bly. Dit is geloofwaardig al is dit skokkend. Ek het ook die mooi taalgebruik geniet.