Letters My Mother Never Read

by Jerri Diane Sueck

When her mother died in a fire, eight-year-old Jerri thought life couldn't get worse.

She was wrong.

Sent to live with people who didn't want her, Jerri was powerless to stop her once-happy childhood from becoming a nightmare of cruelty and neglect. Only a stubborn belief in her own worth and a fierce will to live allowed her to reach adulthood physically and emotionally intact.

This is a book that will inspire not only those who have been orphans or foster children, but anyone who has known the pain of being unwanted.

Genres: Nonfiction

149 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2004

Reviews

[Reader · Rating 4 out of 5]

“The struggle for my soul is on. I am obsessed with thoughts about how to stop this emotional battering. I find myself staring at tall buildings, thinking of how easy it would be to step off a tenth floor balcony and fly from this existence into the next. I am constantly thinking of the pros and cons of staying in this world or leaving it. The end seems to be beckoning me, luring me to give up.”

These are the words of Jerri Sueck. Jerri’s nurturing mother was killed in a fire when she was only 8 years old. From there, Jerri's once-promising family life quickly fell apart. Entrusted to the care of her grandmother, instead of being loved and supported, she was emotionally and physically tormented - ridiculed, starved and isolated to the point of helplessness and hopelessness. After finally breaking free from her abusive grandmother, the only reward Jerri received was getting stuck in the loveless foster care system which, for her, only meant a cycle of rotating foster parents who refused to fully accept her. Everyone talked down to her like she was a nothing and no one wanted to adopt her! Finally, 17 years-old and no one to count on for love or support, this grueling emotional trauma leads Jerri to give up altogether. She decides that she doesn’t want anyone to adopt her; that she is unworthy of anyone’s love.

Jerri’s tumultuous journey through orphanages, broken promises and unrelenting setbacks mount, and she turns to reading books as a way of gathering the strength to carry on. In Jerri’s words: “When I read, I am transported through time and space to other worlds, worlds that offer me a glimpse of the lives of people I have never known. I can leave the loneliness of this world and enjoy the adventure of being somewhere else…Reading softens the sharp edges of my reality. For a few fleeting moments, it lets me live the lives of people in faraway worlds. Reading is like a Novocain shot to my soul. It numbs all my pain.”

As painstakingly heartbreaking as this story is – and it IS about as sad as it gets – Letters My Mother Never Read also inspires readers to overcome life’s challenges and embrace life’s blessings. In the end, if someone who has survived as horrifying of a childhood as Jerri’s was, then it stands to reason that anyone – regardless of circumstance – is capable of following suit.

[Angelica De · Rating 5 out of 5]

Once you read this book you just can't imagine a child's life so horrible.How can someone just have the heart to judge and neglect kids and not show any love and care there suppose to experience there whole life.
This book is based on the author's life. Jerri Diane Sueck's mother died in a trailer fire and there sent to there mother's husband parents where there hated just because they are not blood related except for the younger daughter Alice. Jerri and her 3 brothers are to stay in the coal room in there adoptive father's parent's house. There barely fed they have to wear the same clothes evryday for 2years. There neglected, hated,humilated,etc. There put in an orphange because there adoptive father didn't want them anymore there seperated from there little sister and in the orphanage they barely get to see each other. here sent to many foster homes and the twin boys are adopted and seperated from there brother and sister.Jerri is 18 and to old to be in the orphanage she moves out sent to live her life.
She went from having the worst childhood someone can ever imagine to actually having a pretty succesful life she's happy she stay intouch with her siblings.
What she's trying to tell people is imagine how a kids life is when they don't parents or even family relatives who show love to them. They grow up with knowing that they were never wanted and cared for and loved.

[Esme_weatherwax · Rating 3 out of 5]

(Spoilers are in review)
I found this story both disturbing and in an odd way comforting. I was greatly disturbed on how the kids were treat. I found the Coal Cellar chapter the hardest to read. I do not understand how their adoptive father could treat them like that and allow his mom to treat them in such an abusive manner. Although towards the end she finds out why her mom's side of the family did not take them, but it no excuse. She is a lot more forgiving then I would have been. I also don't understand why her 2nd foster mom took her in if she did not want a teenage girl to begin with. It would have been better if Jerri was left at the orphanage than taken by that woman. The way the guidance counselor treated her made me shake my head. I was glad to see that some of the nuns were kind to her and tried to help her out.
However in spite of all this she went on to earn her masters and she ended up so much better then most people would have been in her situation. Her brothers also turn out ok. What really shines through is the fact that she could have been so bitter over what happened but she is not.
I am surprised she remembers what she thought when she was 8,9,10......., I think she does a good job telling her story and I was please to see she was able to help other kids who had lost a parent.

[MK · Rating 4 out of 5]

The reason I’m giving this a high rating (4 stars) is because I think it’s important for people to share their stories. And this is a particularly grueling and harrowing account of someone who went through the foster care system for a great portion of her life, after her mom dies in a fire accident when she is eight. Her young, innocent, entire life changed forever, and her love/security/shelter from the world ripped away from her.

Despite the high rating, I’m not going to lie—I was infuriated throughout most of the book. Almost every adult in Jerri’s life were horrible, child-abusing lunatics. The social workers, the nuns at the orphanage, the FOSTER FAMILIES (they were a special breed of I-hope-they-suffered-later-in-life), her own family (the people who were SUPPOSED to have taken her in, but they were no-good psychos as well), just awful people all around. It angers me that so many grown-ups like this not only exist, but actually have so much access and power over children.

The foster system (at least as presented in this book) does not focus on the individual needs of the children, and the thing is, humans are INDIVIDUALS. It’s essential to their growth and development to be treated as such. This leads to some shocking things such as Jerri not even knowing what a period is for a while, even while she has it. She just silently thinks for several months that there is something wrong with her. And she doesn’t feel like she can tell anyone…there is something very wrong with that. With how she was CONSTANTLY surrounded by nuns, female teachers, women in her life (like the 2 dogs who’d had her temporarily as a foster kid), and no one could take a few minutes to tell her about that? And that’s just one example. There are others, such as her not knowing until she gets to college that there are male and female clothing, etc.

It also inflicts a lot of psychological abuse on the children—gaslighting them and telling them things like “You should be lucky anyone wants you”—are you kidding me? These are ORPHANS. These are children with NO PARENTS or family (through no fault of their own, though the system will do their damnest to convince them that it is). These kids have absolutely nothing except the clothes on their backs and they are the unluckiest people in the entire world. But “you should be glad and grateful someone even acts remotely human towards you” is the basic attitude constantly presented to them in this book—do you see why my blood boiled so badly? Jerri is also shamed into not talking about her past, which is incredibly damaging and unhealthy when a person has been through things. She finally reaches a point in her life where she is able to go into a therapy, and that is wonderful. Another thing it does that is perhaps more obvious, but no less messed up, is that it completely separates siblings from each other. Jerri has three brothers, and from a young age, she hardly ever sees them again. Eventually, later as adults, they are able to make contact with each other and see what each is doing (and potentially help out each other here and there by lending money). But they are not as close because they did not grow up together like they should have, didn’t have that lifelong bonding experience they were supposed to have had. They’re more just like polite strangers now, or polite acquaintances. It’s really sad, and can’t be undone.

Oh. And the children in the orphanage are constantly being told that the older they get, the less appealing they are to people, until they finally age out at 18 and get discarded. Interesting, human traffickers have that same mentality.

While I’ve never been in an orphanage or the foster care system/an adoption agency before (although I came close when I was younger), I could still relate on a smaller level to some of the things in this book that Jerri went through. I’ve been gaslit, had people tell me they know everything about my life without knowing anything about me or my past, people who’ve tried to silence me about speaking about my experiences or struggles because it doesn’t align with their worldview and that makes them uncomfortable, and I also grew up (from quite a young age, maybe 6 or 7) fearing most adults around me. Not thinking I could turn to anyone about anything, and there are still some things I haven’t told anyone. Nothing like sexual assault or anything like that, but certain things.

Jerri also talks extensively about how even as she grows up over the years, through high school and college and adult life, a part of her still always feels like that eight-year old little girl she was in the beginning. That’s really how I feel a lot of the time. I’ve definitely matured and learned to do things that I obviously couldn’t do when I was a small child—but at the same time, I find myself to always be a child at heart. And to always remember the same joys, fears, happiness, sadness, anger, and innocence that I felt almost in the very beginning of life—before I even knew all that I know now.

On a brighter note, another thing I could relate to her on was how she eventually developed a love and passion for helping animals. Animals who need forever homes, just like orphans. She even got a cat and named it Molly! It was like I was *meant* to read this book.

This book heavily reminds me of A Child Called It, as well as some of those old Unsolved Mysteries episodes where people would be reunited with either family they’d been separated from, or their former foster parents they’d been taken from. They would always be touching, tearful segments. It’s definitely a book I’d recommend everyone read once at least, even if you won’t be able to read it again afterwards.

[Natalie · Rating 4 out of 5]

*spoilers*
I cannot think of a time that I have been angrier at humans. I am absolutely appalled at how the nuns, social workers, guidance counselor, and foster families treated her and the other orphans. How DARE those nuns (not all of them, as some where genuinely nice) call themselves servants of God. And I thought my high school guidance counselor was bad, looking me in the eyes and telling me she hopes that I never have children? Her guidance counselor would hand her papers and say to have her parents sign them, then say, "Oh wait. That's right, you don't have any!" I pray that all of these horrid people were reprimanded and not allowed near children ever again.

[Catherine Stepherson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good read very touching.

[Maurice Daily · Rating 5 out of 5]

bitch

[Grayson Hart · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such an amazing book! I never wanted to stop reading it!

[Roxane · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.25. This is a very sad book, but also inspirational.

[Tracey · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked the story but it was written with such repetition it becomes annoying.

[Lan-Vy · Rating 5 out of 5]

A hidden gem. As someone who also lost mom at the young age, I found her struggles being depicted in a very honest and touching way.

[Spencer Jones · Rating 5 out of 5]

“How can I become what everyone wants me to be, without losing track of who I am?”

[Roslyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was an amazing read. It was truly a story of surviving because you wanted to. From the beginning to the end, I thought this was very inspiring.

[Scorpio4mom · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a sad story. What strength she had. I was hooked reading her story.

[Sandy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm really annoyed to find out that apparently, there are two versions of this book published in different years. The second version, published a few years after the first, is almost twice as long as the version I recently bought, which was a brand new paperback. The only thing I can see that would even give anyone a clue that there are indeed two different books (aside from the page count) is that one has "...The Whole Story" written after "An Abandoned Child's Journey" on the cover. Note to the publishers/whoever makes these decisions: NOT COOL. Either make a completely separate book that continues on where the last left off, or at least give the new version a different name and explain that a lot of content was added! And maybe, you know, stop selling brand new copies of the first edition altogether, ten years after it was originally published. I'm annoyed that I did not get to read the 'full' version, and I will not be purchasing another copy so that I can re-read half of the same book again. I just can't justify it when there are over 500 other books on my 'to-read' list, with more added constantly. Still, I feel cheated.

The only reason I even stumbled across this information was trying to find interviews or more information about the author, because I felt like the book fast-forwarded through parts of her life too quickly, with gaps left in the stories where I felt like there must have been more to be told. The first interview I read was before the book was finished and published, and stated she had a 445 page manuscript, which immediately peaked my interest, and a little more digging turned up the second edition published three years later, with twice as many pages.

[Kimberly · Rating 5 out of 5]

I only give this book five stars for its content. I will not comment on the style of the writing or anything else that may be objectionable to the rating itself. This book really hit close to home. As a Social Service major currently in college I really felt a connection with this book. It was interesting to see the workings of the foster care system through the eyes of a child, and also being able to compare the differences between then and now is astounding. I do not recommend this to someone just looking for a light read. It is light in terms of page count, but the content is heavy and depressing. I do recommend it however to someone who is entering into social services. It's a pretty good look into the psychological aspects of small child going through so much physical and emotional trauma.

[Ruth Lopez]

Letters My Mother Never Read by Jerri Diane Sueck is a based on a true story novel. Jerri grew up being an orphan. Let's take a few steps back, Jerri was a young child whose father left the family picture but her mother remarried another man and eventually had his child. Since they were moving out from their trailer. Her mother went to the trailer which was leaking gas and she did not know. Leading to an explosion. Her mom's side of the family could not take them in because they had their own families to take care of. Her stepdad's family treated her and her siblings like if they were nothing to them. It came to the point where the stepdad's mother told him to get rid of them. Which he did, he took them to an orphanage. That is where she grew up in. Due to her rough past she became successful. She is now a known author.

[Susan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book made me see people and foster children in a whole new way. I couldn't believe the way that they treated this girl and her brothers - especially her own family. I think that the grandmother in the beginning had no right to blame her for the fact that she wasn't her blood. And I thought it was especially cruel that she didn't let them be involved with the family. And the step-dad? Yeah; he wasn't much better. I think he should have helped. But what I did like was that in the end she did find some peace. This book was simply... wow.

[Yael Barber · Rating 5 out of 5]

I admit this book is heartbreaking and sad, but its just mind blowing to me. About 5 children loose thier mother in some type of fire and have to live with family members that treat them as animals. The story is told from Jerri the second oldest girl who is also the author of this book. To tell such a life story of losing her mother at 8 and living with her fathers family after leaving foster homes to be living in a cold basement without wearing clothes at night etc Jerri is writing to her mother (whom she believes is watching over her) about whats happening to her.

[Juan Bravo · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think this book is a very sad book.it is Sad how jerri was treaten as a kid and lived to tell the story.
it is sad how there mother died in a trailer fire and no one would tell her.i cant believe the step father didnt
do anything like standing up to her mother. I like how jerri took cared for her little brother and was very responsible.
Overall i love this book and again one of the best books.

[Vicki · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thought this book was well written and did an excellent job of portraying the authors point of view within the foster care system.

It was horrifying to read about the abuse Jerri and her brothers tolerated as young children. It was also just as upsetting to read about her upbringing in neglectful foster homes.

This book makes me pray that no other child ever goes through the system like she did.

[Kelley Riley]

This book...this book...is impossible to explain. There are many many words in the English dictionary that could only begin to describe this book.

I was able to relate on many levels. Her struggle, her feelings, her hopes, her thoughts...It also made me realize that no matter how difficult my life seems I have the power to make it better, and hope for the better.

[Patty · Rating 3 out of 5]

Such a sad story. Jerri had amazing strength and resiliency. It sheds a lot of light on the world of abandonment, neglect, and the foster system from a child's point of view. I am never really sure why these types of books draw me in except I want to know how someone manages to survive and who helps them along the way.

[Brittni · Rating 4 out of 5]

It was hard to read at first because of the way it is written but once I got the hang of it I couldn't put it down. It was a sad book with a happy ending. There were many times I wish I could have gone in the book and slapped some people it makes you realize how crappy the system was for kids back in the 60s and 70s! Great, easy read!

[Mercedez Montgomery · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is Non-Fiction and is very said and a girl having to grow up to become a women with no family nore love . I beleive she was very lucky and a hard worker to gat were she is today being seperated from her family , having lost her mother in a fire , and a grandma not loving her like she should . I'm surprised she made it out alive without doing something crazy .

[Ruka Idowu · Rating 4 out of 5]

Eight year old Jerri lost her mother, when she was killed in a fire. When she was sent to live with family that did not want her or care for her, Jerri grew angry, and emotionally torn. When reading this book you feel what Jerri feels when she is not wanted. You know what it feels like to not be loved. Reading this book will really make you appreciate the people you have in life.

[Jean · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this for a developmental class I'm teaching. It's kinda depressing, but an amazing story of a girl who makes it through the foster system, to university, the nunnery, and then as a teacher. A much sadder, grittier version of "White Oleander."

[Faatumu Enele]

i learn alot from this book. how this brave young lady name jerri survive from the tough times of her life and how she made it to the end. no matter what comes her way she try her best to get to the end of the line.

[1malissa · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a great book that I read in 7th grade about a girl whose mother died and she was placed in an orphanage. This is a non fiction book and she is still alive today. Last iI heard she was working at Northeast High School.

[Iesha (In east shade house at...) · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really liked this book, it tells the story of a child that didn't deserved the cruel adults that came into her life. This book is also an insight into the sad lives of orphaned children-children that had families but were rejected and the few that didn't have families.