And Then We Hit a Rock

by Greg Buenzli

Did you know that the remora fish will try to swim up a whale shark's butt when they poop? The crew of Twig didn't. It turns out there was an awful lot the family of five didn’t know when they decided to move aboard and set off for adventure on the high seas.

After decades of dreaming, and planning, the explorers finally sailed off into the sunset. Yes, they found the palm trees and coconuts they had longed for, but they also glimpsed the other side of paradise. They ran from waterspouts, dodged hurricanes, got (sort of) robbed by pirates, and played chicken with naval warships. They found themselves making emergency calls to the Coast Guard in the dead of night and learning the exact purpose of a nut jiggler during a late-night beach bonfire.

Join as the inevitable is pondered after a meal of coffee and chili on a night watch in “What if I have to go poo?”. Commiserate the anxiety of the hurricane season and practice dodging rogue unmanned boats during a midnight tropical storm. Laugh at the captain’s intimate misfortunes with marine toilets, sense what a pirate smells like, and discover how not to get crabs in this page-turning journey of the East Coast. You are invited to follow along with the frustration and joy of a life newly discovered afloat a 46-foot catamaran.

If everything had gone exactly as planned….it wouldn’t have been much of an adventure.



Chapter listing


Part 1: Damn you Lisa

Cocktails and DreamsThe hand of GodDown to the Banana RepublicsPanama vs TwigChristmas BlowsGeorgia on my mindLove and a sailboat
Part 2: Afloat

All Aboard!There’s Vodka in the Boy’s BathroomAfloatHazmatThings that go bump in the nightDon’t Ignore the Bright Red LightCaulk the WagonPerfect Strangers
Part 3: The Bahamas

42 FlushesThe Nut JigglerWatch your sixYou smell like a pirateI wet the bedTwist and SpoutWeather or not
Part 4: The East Coast

What if I have to go Poo?Dr Jekyll’s IslandYou say Savannah, I say BananaPepperoni is not a fruitHouse of WarshipFeeling CrabbyTotThere’s Always Room For JelloOh Ophelia
Part 5: Due South

Boat Chill FactorI lack depthWednesdayAnchor(s) AwayCinderella Lost Her SlipperSuck it MurphyAnd Then We Hit a RockWhat the Fog?!
Epilogue

There’s no place like homeCome Monday (Tribute to Jimmy Buffett)
Glossary of Ridiculous Nautical Jargon

Genres: Nonfiction, Book Club, Biography Memoir, Travel, Humor, Adventure, Audiobook

307 pages, Paperback

Published December 3, 2024

Reviews

[₊˚✧SJ✧˚₊ · Rating 3 out of 5]

Overall, a quick, easy read that made me realise I never want to own a boat. The book sounded like one giant negative experience, but I imagine the family had a lot of wonderful moments together.

[Stephanie · Rating 2 out of 5]

Let me just begin by saying this book is not AT ALL what I thought it was. Not only was it not funny, but it was rather a traumatic read. Let me preface this by saying that I have lived on a sailboat for 7 years (2007-2014) and in the 7 YEARS I was on that boat, nothing went nearly as wrong as things did for this family... or I guess just the main character Greg, because he quite literally only mentions the rest of his family a handful of times.

Let me start with the fact that he starts the book off by saying this was his dream to own and live on a boat, YET, no boating lessons of ANY kind took place until after they bought and got the boat in the water. He constantly complains about things breaking or not understanding the people or boats around them while they are motoring around. Why buy a sailboat if your not going to sail it? Why buy a boat at all if your not going to take the time BEFORE moving on to it, to learn how to operate it? Why try and bring ALL of your belongings on the boat (his 8 million tool boxes he just had to have) when you still own your house...and probably could have left most of your sh*t at home? Why try and be "bob the builder" when you most likely have done no mechanical work before moving on the boat? Why not try RESETTING the electronics before buying and trying to install new ones (with your so called computer science degree, me thinks not)? Why do you barely mention your wife and children throughout the entire story? Why are there no pictures included? And most importantly...WHY do you stereotype those who DO live on a boat at the end, describing them as essentially lazy people with no job and no responsibilities? Because I guarantee you that is not the case for many who have or do live on a boat. Not everyone can afford to take a year long vacay and move on to a boat but you do you I guess...

Now this book wasn't a total loss, I will commend him on his ability to persevere through each traumatic moment he encountered. I truly felt this story could have been better if he 1. added pictures, 2. added more insight from his kids and wife, 3. stopped talking about allllll the negatives and included some fun times. Like we get it, you didn't know what you were doing and the boat kept breaking, how about lets move on and share what it was like when the weather was nice and the different animals you saw and stop complaining.

Overall could have been better and the author shouldn't quit his day job (again) lol.

[Maura · Rating 4 out of 5]

Just about any other person would have given-up way back in the beginning. The determination by Greg Beuenzli (and his wife and family) is truly beyond belief. Mishap after mishap for the entire (almost) year they were on the water. If anyone is considering a similar scenario - this would be the book to read, and to shake all the romanticism from your heart about exchanging your house for a boat. The mishaps, break-downs, weather, faulty this and that, large and small, is all well documented and there is a ton of learning to be gained about what this life-on-a-boat looks, feels, and smells like, but Greg does not offer much emotional perspective about what others in his family were thinking or feeling. This is all his experience and how he overcame the obstacles. There's value, but its more of a play-by-play rather than a memoir.

[˜”*°•.˜”*°• Sheri •°*”˜.•°*”˜ · Rating 5 out of 5]

Let me start by saying that even though I spent every high school and college break at and around Myrtle Beach, I have never been a fan of beach music or Jimmy Buffet so I've never been called a parrot head, but a lot, probably most, of my friends would think it a sacrilege for me to admit that. :) I, however, have often thought about what fun it would be to live on a boat and over the years have had 2 friends who have actually done this - for a while at least. So, when I saw this book on Amazon First Reads I bought the Kindle edition for $.99.

I'm not exactly sure what I expected to read, maybe a travelogue or daily diary with a few humorous anecdotes thrown in (since the title has the word hilarious in it), but I never expected it to be a 5 star read.

Boy was I wrong. It IS a travelogue of sorts and it IS a daily diary of sorts but it's so much more. It's about not knowing anything about buying a boat or sailing a boat, it’s about learning while doing on a boat, and living happily on a boat for 377 days. It's about life slowing down and families getting along and about others helping you and you helping others. It does indeed have some funny parts but nothing that I would call hilarious, but that's ok because it's a good read.

If you're looking for romance, suspense, murder, high crime (although their safe was robbed), thrills or police action then this book is NOT for you.

If you're looking for adventure, fun, a little humor, problems and the need to problem solve on the spot, good writing, then this book IS for you.

Loved it.

PS I no longer have a burning desire to ever live on a boat :)

[Kim · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wish this book spent more time on actually sailing, the beauty of being out on the water under the sky, how gloriously peaceful it is to raise the sails, turn the motor(s) off and just merge with the wind and waves, that sublime sense of being just a temporary speck on this great big beautiful blue planet. What about magnificent sunrises and sunsets, the pearlescence of moonshine on the waves, shooting stars that are so easy to see when you get away from city lights? Why not even one photo of the boat? A good 95 percent of this book is about everything on the boat breaking and needing to be fixed, cleaning up poop, and the frustrations and dangers of foul weather. I am a sailor and married to another sailor who is actively shopping for a newer, larger sailboat (to sail, not to live on), so I found these technical things interesting and useful, but I can’t imagine the general public would. This also would have been a better book if the author had related more about family life on the boat—just how do you deal with active young boys and an unexercised golden retriever confined on a rather small and potentially dangerous space for hours or days on end? All you’ll learn about is their poop. The author claims on the back of the book that reading his book will make you want to buy a boat, but I’m not sure he’s right about that. (And his claim that no one knows the difference between a jib and genoa makes me cringe!)

[Karen Carcione · Rating 2 out of 5]

Way too much detail about the boat and not nearly enough about the family. Didn’t finish it.

[Bexbooks · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderful entertaining and so encouraging to see how close a family can become when everyone has to help and learn new things and get closer by the journey! Lots of laughter moments in this book and a few nailbiter scenes as well. My husband will be reading this next!

[Collette · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a cute book that I wished had more personal day to day stories, and not as much boat situation explanations.

[Patricia · Rating 3 out of 5]

I get wanting to partake in ~ vibes ~ but living on a boat for a year sounds like the 9th circle of hell after reading this.

It had some funny parts but most of the time I couldn’t stop thinking about how many asinine moves they made and how often they didn’t shower even when on land.

[Amanda Roy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great end of summer read. Loved learning about life on a boat and enjoyed the family’s adventures and misadventures. Kept various JB songs in my head throughout the read and feel like my dad would have really enjoyed this book and an adventure like this. What an amazing experience for this family and would like to see some pictures of the trip.

[Lois Bennett · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderful ! Lighthearted, easy to read, and overwhelmingly hilarious.

[Brett Pennington · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very funny quick read. I’m now in the market for a catamaran

[Kyla Schneyder · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was an adventure!

I enjoy a True Story! Definitely worth a read! A bit long on the break downs But that’s part of the reality that people don’t think about! Congratulations on fulfilling your dreams and sharing them. Enjoy the bond with your family! More of the Fun parts would have please me as a reader more! Onward to your next adventure and just treasuring everyday!

[Romulo Perez-Segnini · Rating 2 out of 5]

This story is like being on a boat without a rudder. It was wondering about without purpose or direction.

It is a painfully detailed description of the idea and the purchase of the boat but left vague the actual plan. There’s no mention of the finances involved, only that it’s expensive.

It should have been a fun story but instead it dragged on forever and then ended suddenly.

[Wendy Majewski · Rating 2 out of 5]

Happy that I only paid 99 cents

Two stars because I finished reading the entire book and found it repetitive
and drawn out. Yes, something always needs work on an old boat but I would have liked more information on the on shore experiences and how the children fared during the trip.

[Heidi Clouse · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow! The premise of this book is always something that I have wanted to do. "Let's take a sailboat and travel for a year!" What could go wrong? !
This book detailed the ups and downs of their adventures.
What a fun, adventurous, laugh out loud story!!!!

[Susan Gleason · Rating 3 out of 5]

Semi-entertaining

Entertaining but it seemed nothing went right. I would have loved to hear more about their adventures along the way as a family rather than all the things that went wrong with the boat.

[Jessica Price · Rating 3 out of 5]

“ If everything went as planned it wouldn’t have been as much of an adventure “⛵️

[Val Cook · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have learned that boats break down a lot and I do not want to live on one.

[Elizabeth · Rating 5 out of 5]

love!

I loved this and wish I had been brave enough to do with my kids.
We all love boating and warm weather so it would have been a blast!

[Kent Barker · Rating 4 out of 5]

A fun way to go on an adventure through a family of five and a dog and a cat. Great sense of humor throughout the book and a great read while in vacation. I’ll leave the sailing to experts.

[Dair · Rating 2 out of 5]

People described it as hilarious. I did not find it funny at all. Mostly just a series of awful events that happened The book was very depressing because it was so negative. I guess it was a memoir, but it would’ve been better to get some more perspective from the wife or the kids and if they had any fun at all on this year long adventure.

[Hare · Rating 1 out of 5]

After reading the first eight chapters, I decided life is too short: I was not going to spend another minute with this book. It’s advertised as a “humorous and heartwarming memoir”…I found it to be extremely tedious and not at all funny. This was chosen as the latest read by a member of my book club, the only reason I gave the book a try.

[Ann DAgostino · Rating 4 out of 5]

Life on a boat

The author and his family fulfill his life long dream to live on a sailboat. This is a light hearted account of the trials and tribulations of first buying a boat, second getting it sea worthy,and then moving a family including 3 young children, a dog and a cat on-board. For a year, they sailed the Atlantic, dealing with equipment failures, severe weather and inexperience. This tale would convince me that the hardships and cost involved greatly outweigh the fun factor. This family survived and thrived. They grew closer as a family through this experience.
This was a fun read but I will definitely stick to cruise ships.

[Ib · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hilarious tale of a family's adventure living on a boat. Further underscores my vehement desire to NOT buy a boat. 🤣

[Stetsonab · Rating 5 out of 5]

every aspiring sailor should read this book

I enjoyed this travelogue tremendously and it was an easy read. Having been in a sailing club and on sailboats (though I never owned one or had the desire to) I came to the conclusion early on that owning a boat comes with lot of repairs and many weekends spent on maintenance. Greg Buenzli did a great job in describing the yearning for a boat with all the fantasies that go with it and the reality of cruising - the good and the bad and I admire him for always keeping a positive attitude and living out his dream. In the end that is what it is all about. Go after your dream so that you later don’t have regrets. No matter what the outcome, you will always learn and grow from it.

[Terri · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm giving this a 5 because it was so funny, well written, not syntactically, or with amazing grammar and stuff, or even in good order all the time, but because it was a real life experience and so funny.....and comically sad, and written as a good true story should be told.
I will say, I don't ever want to go sailing for a year, or even a week, unless it's with a seasoned captain and I don't have to be responsible for anything. Like, I would rent a sailboat for a time and go.....with a built in crew etc.
And also, if you decide to read this book, and really, you should, the sailing glossary is in the back, I know......You might want to check it out first, however, the author does do a good job of explaining these words along the way, for the most part.

[Tricia · Rating 2 out of 5]

I would have enjoyed hearing more about daily family life on the boat. What did the family learn about each other on this adventure? What knowledge did the children gain about their world that could not have been learned in a school setting? What cities, restaurants, and beaches were the most enjoyable in their explorations and why? In addition, some pictures to accompany this story would have enhanced my reading experience immensely. I became very bored with reading about all the breakdowns and problems with the boat and started skimming the last few chapters until I joyfully reached its finish.

[Cathy Brown · Rating 4 out of 5]

This memoir is the nautical equivalent of learning to fly while you build the plane. A throughly enjoyable family adventure told with humor and honesty. Not all went as planned, and there were mistakes along the way but the author and his wife maintain a positive attitude as they learn the ins-and-outs of life at sea. I live on Long Island obviously surrounded by water so boats are not unfamiliar but I learned so much about sailing from this book! I took this book out of the library but now want to buy it so I can share it with friends, previous boat owners and landlubbers like myself.

[Suzanne Pixley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jimmy Buffet made me sail!

Jimmy Buffett's philosophy of spending his first earnings on a sailboat in case he didn't achieve continued success was one shared by thousands including this author! His dream to own a sailboat and sail started in high school but didn't reach fruition till after marriage and a family with three children.
This personal account of finding the right time in life and the right boat for he and his family is humorous in places but speaks to the reality of sailing adventures. The book is a great teacher about the demand for preparation, the right boat, critical equipment, personal education, and patience when Mother Nature throws a wrench into your careful planning.
This is a fun book to read for new, old and future sailors, as well as those who would just like to read about it from their recliners in the comfort of their homes.