I met Avery at MoMA to see a Matisse exhibit, and she asked me how writing was going, and I asked her how writing was going, and we both admitted it wasn't really going so well lately. Our trouble was a shared one: we were looking for endings, but all we could find was more middle. It was hard, we agreed, to find satisfying conclusions to stories that weren't exactly stories but rather a set of prompts that resisted completion, a Möbius strip of narrative.
The Möbius Book by Catherine Lacey is a hybrid work of fiction and creative non-fiction/memoir - with two separate short works bound together back-to-back and inverted (tête-bêche), such that the reader is free to choose which piece to start with - like Leah Hager Cohen's 2024 novel To & Fro.
It seems from reviews to date, most readers have started with the fiction, which does come first in the PDF ARCs of the novel, digital publishing being at a disadvantage to physical copies in this regard, but I started with the memoir, which comes with the disclaimer: "This is a work of nonfiction. However, the author has used pseudonyms for a couple of individuals to protect their privacy and has reconstructed dialogue to the best of her recollection."
It begins introducing us to the main pseudonymous character:
Odd impulse to catalog these days, not that I can forget them, not that I can remember them clearly.
I woke in the guest room, the attic, a guest in my own home. I'd never slept a night in that room, and staring up at the white clapboard ceiling and walls, I felt I'd been shrunk down and shoved into a doll's house, and I knew then-again, or for the first time-how grief expands as it constricts, how it turns a person into a toy version of herself.
A man downstairs was The Reason I'd turned from inhabitant to visitor.
My phone rang. The Reason was calling me from the floor below. He wanted to know if I would say goodbye to him before I went to the airport.
What have I been doing all week, I asked, if not saying goodbye to you?
The Reason is clearly author Jesse Ball, and the memoir centres around the break up of their 5 year relationship, when Ball broke-up with Lacey in 2021, telling her this by an email sent from another room in the house they shared. Her tale also encompasses her divorce in 2016 from actor and teacher Peter Musante, who she had married the year before, leaving him for Ball, and the start of her relationship, post Ball, with another author, Daniel Saldaña París, who she married in 2024.
Ball gave his reason for breaking up, and excuse for finding another partner, that Lacey was no longer in love with him. This explaining Lacey to herself a feature of their relationship:
Later it became clear - The Reason had the right to explain my feelings to me because he'd spent six years telling me what I felt and who I was, and had quite often been correct. Usually the version of myself he sold me on was more positive than the one I'd previously held. He believed me to be smarter than I thought I was, more capable, more powerful than I had previously thought myself. I began to believe him, and yet that belief brought with it a strict obedience to this person who had, it seemed, created me.
Of course all of this is Lacey's one-sided, Möbius strip, account of their relationship, although it's one where she comes off as badly, for her passivity, as 'The Reason' does for his manipulative behaviour.
Lacey makes a, for me, rather unsuccessful link between her break-up with Ball, and the loss of her Christian belief in her later teens, having been brought up in a strictly religious family. As an example this section:
Our last autumn together The Reason and I were walking in Chicago when an odd silence settled between us. I asked him what he was thinking; he said he was having a conversation with me. About what, I wanted to know, but he didn't say; he already knew my thoughts on the matter, he said.
During my nightly prayers as a child I sometimes ran out of things to pray, and I felt so sure that He knew what I would have told Him if I could have conjured it. By lying there in His gaze, my devotion became clear and perfect; I was not just a tired child, lacking anything to pray about, but an immaculate being, so full of faith there wasn't room for anything else.
Except what she does not say is that there is a key difference: Ball is not actually able to infer Lacey's thoughts and is not interested in them; whereas God has is able to do so, but wants to have that dialogue with His children.
And the memoir documents how, after the break-up of her marriage, and without the anchor of her previous faith, Lacey takes refuge in somatic healing, witches and psychic druids.
It makes for an interesting, if rather overly personal, read, and the non-fiction format allows Lacey to set up the rationale for the fictional piece:
Fiction is a record of what has never happened and yet absolutely happened, and those of us who read it regularly have been changed and challenged and broken down a thousand times over by those nothings, changed by people who never existed doing things that no one quite did, changed by characters that don't entirely exist and the feelings and thoughts that never exactly passed through them.
Turning the book metaphorically if not, for an e-ARC, physically to the fiction, it's worth noting both the, more standard, fictional disclaimer in the text: "Names, characters, places, organizations, and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, places, organizations, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental," and also comments Lacey has made on her blog that "The Möbius Book also includes a long piece of fiction (and no, it’s not auto-fiction nor a fictionalized retelling of the nonfiction)."
And the fictional story, while of a break-up, is very different. It's set at Christmas time, in the New York apartment of Marie, in a run-down block. Marie has recently broken up with her (unnamed) wife, with whom she has twin children, and is being visited by an old friend Edie, herself recovering from the breakdown of a, somewhat abusive, relationship and seeking refuge in random sexual encounters. Edie and Marie's close friend for many years (in Edie's case since childhood) K is an important but absent figures - Marie's husband is their sister, and it was K who alerted their sister to Marie's infidelity with another woman, which caused the sudden break up of Marie and K's sister's marriage. And meanwhile a mysterious pool of liquid - which smells and looks like blood, but can it really be that? - is seeping from under the door of a neighbour's flat.
There are some parallels e.g. on the loss of faith - Edie is a lapsed Catholic, and Marie describes her shock at K's action, to who she never wants to speak again, as her having lost her faith in who he is. There's an odd part where Edie receives theological messages from a dying dog.
And there is a very neat side swipe when K. is talking on the phone to Edie's former partner, to who Edie refuses to speak, and relaying messages:
K, leaning out the side door, shouted this proposal at Edie, who was crouched to study the acorns and dirt and pebbles.
He wants to know if he can dedicate his self-portrait book to you!
Edie walked slowly toward the house, unsure of how she'd respond until she spoke.
Tell him... it is extremely clear ... to whom his self-portraits are actually dedicated.
Lacey in the memoir quotes words from the memoirs of 'The Reason' - "I love being sad, and in fact, it is a weakness of mine to allow myself to be sad for too long" - which are directly lifted from Jesse Ball's Autoportrait, published in 2022, but dedicated to Lacey. And of the list of works Lacey quotes from directly, Autoportrait is conspicious by its absence from the 'List of Works Consulted' at the end of the non-fiction section.
Which all makes for a fascinating if voyeuristic look into the break-up of a high-profile literary relationship, but didn't feel particularly edifying.
And, for me, the Möbius strip aspect of the novel failed its key test. By starting with one part of their choice, the reader should (as is the case in the aforementioned To & Fro, or Ali Smith's How to Both, where the choice of starting part was decided by which version of the novel one picked up) both fin that the second part illuminates the first, and feel a desire on finishing the second to re-read the first. To & Fro does this particularly well, both narratives meeting in the middle. But here these felt like two distinct, if thematically adjacent works, and nothing more.
2.5 stars - rounded to 2 as I came to this with very high expectations.