A Love Letter to Suburbia: How to Restore the American Village

by Diane Alisa, Audrey Barth (editor)

What happened to the American Dream? In A Love Letter to Suburbia, Diane Alisa takes readers on a compelling journey through the rise of suburbia and its consequences on American life. With heartfelt reflections and practical insights, Diane confronts the disillusionment many feel living in suburban sprawl. She explores how car dependency, corporate control, and disintegrating community values have eroded the sense of connection and purpose that once defined American neighborhoods.

But this is not a story of defeat. Diane offers a bold vision for restoring the “American Village”—a revitalized, walkable, community-focused way of living. Drawing on historical examples and modern urbanism, she presents actionable steps for turning car-centric infrastructure into vibrant, self-sustaining communities where families can thrive. A Love Letter to Suburbia is more than a critique; it is a hopeful roadmap for reclaiming the essence of the American Dream.

Will America restore its villages and rekindle a shared cultural identity—or will the suburbs continue to spread isolation?

Genres: Nonfiction, Philosophy, Cultural, Family, Urban Planning, Urban

383 pages, Kindle Edition

Published November 30, 2024

Reviews

[Kimberly · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really wanted to like this book, and I thought from the title it would be right up my alley, but it really just left a bad taste in my mouth. (I started to get inkling this might be the case when the author started referencing Provo and Lehi UT so I read the “about the author section” and learned she is from Utah county, went to byu, and writes to glorify god. As an exmormon I figured we might have some fundamental disagreements.)

I think the author and I want similar things (walkable cities with more community for everyone) but the reasoning and desired execution are so different that the end result would not be as similar as you might think. In my opinion, you cannot have “the village” that the author is a proponent of without also dismantling American capitalism and patriarchy. Yes, billboards are a scourge on society, but they are a symptom of a bigger problem (coughcapitalismcough), not the problem themselves.
Meanwhile, the author, very clearly speaking from her background of (what I assume is) Mormonism, states that she would not choose to dismantle patriarchy, just “reform” it, while still keeping heteronormative families as a main societal building block, with the father as the head of the household. (In true “family proclamation” style she says this means the mother and father are “separate but equal”).
Furthermore, her privilege shows when she speaks about large corporations vs. local businesses—basically condemning anyone who shops at corporate chain stores for choosing the cheaper option over the “community building option”. Not everyone can afford the farmers’ market over the dollar tree, and we shouldn’t be further stigmatizing anyone living in poverty for “not be a team player”. She also states that “mixed wealth” is not only possible but “imperative” in an egalitarian society (???), and that the free market will lead to an “ideal where everyone cares for one another” (because Bezos is demonstrating that so perfectly now).
There’s also a chapter about differences between the generations and like 2/3 of the chapter is just “why millennials deserve to be suffering”; it felt like the message was “they are mentally ill and can’t afford anything because they didn’t get jobs as teenagers and don’t go outside enough”. Very victim-blame-y.
The whole third section “restoring the American family” is icky to me! She talks about focusing on “family values” which nowadays is unfortunately often a conservative dog whistle that indicates anti-choice, homophobic attitudes and rhetoric. It seems that rather than being of the opinion that “everyone who wants to get married and have children should be able to afford to raise them in a community that will support them”, the author believes “everyone MUST get (straight) married at a young age and immediately begin having babies in order to create these types of communities”.

Lastly, I am begging the editor to reformat the book so that section titles are actually on the same page as the section, not the bottom of the previous page. It happened like ten times.

Some other random quotes that squicked me out:
•“If we truly want to commit to softening the transition from childhood to adulthood, we must rethink child labor. Sixteen is far too late to start engaging in adult occupations, particularly when considering the luxuries of modern society. A child should be legally allowed to start working around the age of nine.” She does later say there should be intense regulations on this at least but like, bro. Part of the “free market” is exploitation, this would be opening up sooo many potential problems.
•“Having children is the most fulfilling and adventurous path [most people] can take.” (The word most is what bothers me in this one, rather than saying something like “for those who choose it”.)
•“Our culture believes the thirties are the only responsible time to have children… I think most women could benefit from having children earlier.” (This is giving “in the world but not of the world” and “do not put off child rearing for any earthly pursuit” iykyk)
•“Mothers are biologically programmed…” (The transphobia and homophobia underlying the rest of this section are crazy)
•“We need a cultural shift and a renewed conviction that during the early, formative years of a child's life-when they are most vulnerable and reliant on maternal care—it's crucial for mothers to be present with their children… Before any feminists close this book” — girl imma stop you right there
•Quoting both JD Vance and Harry Potter (and iyww the book was copyright 2024)

Tl;dr: This book condemns our current car-centric infrastructure (yay!), but with an underlying unspoken message of “if you aren’t straight or Christian or trying to pop out babies, or if you’re socialist or feminist, you’re part of the problem” (boo!). I think if you are crunchy conservative you will really enjoy this book, but if you are crunchy liberal you will find yourself cringing and rolling your eyes.
2.5 stars, I guess

[Roe Tell-Drake · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book reminded me a little bit of Rod Dreher before he lost his mind. It is one of the most bipartisan things I've read, a kind of "here's why people who love traditional conservative values like marriage with babies really should want to do the car-free walkability-zoning stuff leftists are always arguing for." That's not what I was expecting from the author's Instagram so I was surprised and it took me a minute to realize what this book was. Once I did realize it's a tight and sweet case for walkability zoning, I was delighted. Having lived car-free by necessity (I am epileptic and no state will license me), I was familiar with all the great points the author outlines for why and how we can reclaim suburbia to meet human needs for community. As a student of the pre-racist traditional liberal arts, I was also already aware that the human need for community and the traditional values of prioritization of children, honesty, loyalty, hard work, industry, neighborliness, what one used to call "Christian behavior," go hand in hand really nicely with everything that walkability zoning causes. But I've never met anyone else who wanted to talk about that (besides 2004 Rod Dreher, who actually I never have met, just read). So, I liked this book, and I expect I'll recommend it a lot to both lefties who haven't realized their desires for village are an awful lot like the American dream and rightwingers who haven't realized their values can be encouraged via zoning laws that let kids bicycle safely around a neighborhood.

[Isaac Thomas · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book had a unique take that I enjoyed. It points out the problems caused by America’s suburban sprawl and car centric design (which I was already an expert on due to my erudite study of the topic. Flex. Flex. Flex). However, the author did a good job of showing how poor city planning negatively impacts families, children, and neighborhoods. I love a good graph (In college, I was briefly engaged to a scatter plot I met on a trip to Jamaica) but showing the every day impacts of car-first city design on families helped this book stand apart from others in this genre.

[Christine Noel · Rating 3 out of 5]

Young, ambitious author. I agreed with many of her takes on urban/suburban design and city planning, however, she let her Mormon views take control towards the end of the book with the following:

She honestly lost me at dismissing the pandemic and how disappointed she was that big box stores upheld mask mandates early on, instead saying that local businesses could take care of their own communities and develop their own rules-got it, so just let the village elders die because you’re too ignorant to mask or get vaccinated? Check.

She also lost me at the recommendation to dismantle child labor laws, stating that kids around 8-9 years old can work.

Additionally, going against AAP guidelines around co-sleeping is dangerous and unfounded. Last time I checked, she’s not a physician.

She then goes on the encourage “marriage in youth” including teenage brides, so they can have babies earlier. Also stating that women can simply “get their degrees online” after having babies (what happened to community?), and then adds, “if they want community, they can take a few in-person classes” - who will watch the kids when you do that? The childcare system you just spent many chapters criticizing?

Overall, the book was okay. The first half was better than the latter chapters. Try and keep religion out of urban planning.

[Izzy · Rating 4 out of 5]

A compelling read w lots of food for thought. I agree with a previous reviewer that the section on infancy felt a bit too anecdotal to me. But overall I appreciated the author’s strongly held and plainly spoken convictions. That type of energy is so refreshing and powerful for creating change. A great blend of fairytale dreaming and practical planning. I think vision is as important as follow through, and this book helped me dream.

[Emma Devine]

Dnf at 23%! Got bored. Semi-well researched but just felt like a complaining sesh

[Hildeloke · Rating 3 out of 5]

Nostalgia. Engaging. Thought provoking.

This lays out a very simplistic view although - a needed call to action that we should all invest and create our local, walkable community. The value of knowing those that live close to you, investing in lives and creating a network to culminate in a supportive and safe community to live within and raise kids within.

Although potentially a bit idealistic and romanticized, this was a good read. A lot of critiques I read is that it didn't take into consideration some of the nuances that have cropped up in suburbia with the cultural development and did not address any of the urbanists concerns and social justice. Underplaying the economic, political and corporate impacts. I do see this side of the book.

Being in a more rural area the concept laid out is less idealism and more within reach and some of the thoughts I feel are general safety minded. I really appreciated the call to action, and I do feel it attempts to bridge social and political divides. And I personally feel that knowing and investing within your walkable community is important.

[Jessica · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have been thinking about the upsides of walkability for a long time. When I visit Europe I come home wishing we had more walkability. Since I was already converted to the idea, I skimmed the book, focusing on the solutions. The author had such creative solutions, like making small businesses in our homes.

I love that she mentioned one of my favorite books, "Balanced and Barefoot."

Here's my takeaways:

Build a village. From a religious perspective, I think of this as building Zion in my neighborhood.
Walk to church.
Walk the kids to school.
Walk to the grocery store (it's close).
Raise chickens.
Support small, local businesses. In Spanish Fork UT we have Poppy Books, My Sister's Closet (consignment), Deeply Rooted, Mercantile Bakery, the farmer's market.
Try to use Amazon less. Ask myself: can I buy something from these small businesses instead?

[Josie Lahm · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book, and that it touched on so many good points. This book should make us question the way our cities are structured. Many ideas are brought up that I never thought of before, one of them being suburbia as an experiment. This is true - humans have never lived such isolated and spread out lives prior to the invention of the automobile. This raises a lot of questions, many of which I would be curious to research more - how does car dependency affect our relationships and our ability to form community? What impacts does car-centric infrastructure have on children and families? How does it support large industries and kill small businesses? All of these ideas are becoming increasingly important to modern-day Americans as many become disillusioned with the frustrations of a car-centric society.

[Brianne Ramos-Aiken · Rating 1 out of 5]

There is a way to effectively argue some of the points that this author wants to make, but it's not the way that she tried to do it.
She does things like rely on the idea that "beautiful things are better" and then throws out her own subjective ideas of what is beautiful, many of which I don't feel the same about. (For instance, she admits early on that she doesn't see beauty in the state of Utah......... which is wild since Utah is home to multiple natural formations that are widely considered some of the most stunning places in our country...)

Then she gets into dangerous territory by occasionally making recommendations that are counter to science, experience, and child safety/health. So, her whole safety platform just falls apart.

Not well-argued. Repetitive. Also, the title felt like a bait-and-switch.

[Steph Bamister · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book reads less like a serious analysis and more like a nostalgic sermon from a privileged bubble. A Love Letter to Suburbia offers sweeping prescriptions for “restoring the American village,” but they are rooted in a naïve view of community that assumes the author’s own experience — white, Christian, middle-class suburban life — is universal. There is little acknowledgment of racial inequities, economic barriers, or diverse cultural realities that shape suburban and urban communities today. Instead, the book romanticizes an exclusionary ideal that was never accessible to many Americans in the first place. What could have been a thoughtful reflection ends up feeling tone-deaf and out of touch.

[Emily Sowder · Rating 4 out of 5]

A call to change

The book was an easy read and kept me engaged. I appreciated how the authored laid out the ideas and provided a clear call to action. The chapter on infancy was a bit of a stretch. As in, creating walkable cities and villages isn’t a cure all. The challenges in infancy and family life are more complex. Furthermore, there are many ways to raise humans and the anecdotal evidence she provides only speaks to her children’s temperaments being different and not how she raised them having any influence.

[Dan Dolinka · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not a full read, I read 50% and skimmed the rest. I really wanted to enjoy it but it was ideologically inconsistent, repetitive, a bit too subjective feeling, and frankly didn’t teach me anything. This might be good for someone totally new to thinking about cities and social structures, but IMO it didn’t introduce any new perspectives or information. As I read, the perspective felt very narrow and not relatable. I feel the ideas in this book could have been distilled down to an article or short book.

[Kyle Smith · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wanted to like it a lot more than I did. For one, I'm already convinced of the things she's trying to sell, so that makes it hard to read. But more than that, I feel she's pushing really hard for a middle ground with the type of people who complain about bike lanes. I hope this is compelling for them, but for me it left me wanting it to get to something of substance or meat.

I also found her idealistic vision for the future impractical at points. Maybe I'm too much of a cynic.

[Yến · Rating 4 out of 5]

the message it sends is both very important to hear and extremely overlooked as an issue but did skim over chapters because the book itself honestly kind of repetitive. can be a bit preachy at times but whatever, i think it just goes to show how important and universally applicable the need for city designs that aren't completely car-centric are

[Nicholas Lanata · Rating 3 out of 5]

I like her opinions on urbanism… everything felt really out of place and controversial. Seemed like she trying to solve all the world’s issues (or at least her world’s issues). Failed to address many other problems with American society. I wouldn’t recommend this book bc of the controversial topics.

[Jenn · Rating 1 out of 5]

Author is delusional. Not worth the money or time to read

[Tahlia Becker · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love what this author stands for. Thank you for being a part of the village!