Detachment: An Adoption Memoir

by Maurice Mierau

In 2005, Maurice Mierau and his wife, Betsy, travelled to Ukraine to adopt two small boys, age three and five. After weeks of delays while navigating a tangled bureaucracy, they returned to Canada as a proud new family of four. Now what?

In Detachment, Mierau probes not only the process of adoption but what comes after--the challenges of becoming a family, the strain on his marriage. While his son acts out and gets in trouble at school, Mierau feels removed, detached, thinking instead about his own emotionally distant father. Also born in Ukraine, Mierau's Mennonite father has a traumatic and mysterious past of his own. If Mierau can come to understand his father's life, perhaps he can start to make sense of his new sons...

Detachment is a moving, darkly funny, and searingly unsentimental memoir about learning to become a father and a son.

“Detachment is a startling portrait of a real Modern Family–cobbled together across continents, haunted by old wars and buried trauma, held together by the stubborn human need for love and connection, for belonging. Maurice Mierau’s attempt to understand the people who made him what he is, while holding his own invented family together, is completely compelling: brutally honest, harrowing, and compassionate.” – Michael Crummey, author of Galore

Genres: Adoption, Nonfiction, Memoir, Canada, Biography Memoir

234 pages, Paperback

First published September 2, 2014

Reviews

[Jaimy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received this book from a goodreads giveaway.

The book Detachment was an intriguing memoir about a couple's journey to the Ukraine to adopt two sibling brothers and the effects that occur after they return to Canada. The whole story is really one man's journey figuring out that the problem was not that he didn't know his father's past, but that he didn't really understand his own here and now. He had felt like he disappointed his first Jeremy, and he tried to hide those feeling with writing. When he adopted his two children from Ukraine, he did the same when he couldn't handle the stress that came with parenting.

I really, really, enjoyed this book. It was phenomenal. Actually it was more than phenomenal; it was a beautiful peace of work that needs to be shown to the world. The memoir tells an honest story of what adoption is really about and the struggles behind that most people do not see. I really enjoyed this book because of the sharing of emotion. Every feeling was like it was actually happening to me.

In the end, I was so disappointed that the book was over. The entire time I was reading it I just couldn't put it down. In all honesty, I thought I wouldn't like it and I actually requested it because the cover looked cool but I really did enjoy it. It was a great read and would be enjoyable for anyone of any age. There are multiple characters to relate to so the audience is a wide array of pretty much everyone. Young or old, you will enjoy this book.

[Jill Dobbe · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received Detachment through a Goodreads giveaway. Written with emotion and a touch of humor, Mierau's memoir incorporates stories and musings about life with his adopted sons and their acclimation to Canadian life.

It was interesting to read a male's perspective on adoption and raising kids along with his own thoughts and feelings about his personal life struggles. So, not just a memoir about adoption, Detachment is also an honest, detailed and thought provoking account of the author's issues with his marriage, his writing, and his own parents.

A good read for anyone and especially for those who have adopted children or are planning to.

[Gisela · Rating 4 out of 5]

While the focus of this book is the adoption of two young boys from Ukraine by the author and his wife Betsy, it is really about so much more than that. It's about Mierau's efforts to come to terms with his family's past, present and future, and he is totally and often brutally honest about his feelings, his failures and his successes along the way. A truly fascinating read.

[John Moore · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love this book. Brutally honest family portrait. At one level a picture of a couple living in Canada adopting 2 brothers from Ukraine. But this very touching story entails multiple and intriguing levels. Families have histories and Maurice explores the multi-generational effects of trauma in his family. His Mennonite forebears were persecuted in Ukraine. They suffered execution, rape and ravages of war, poverty and political oppression.
The book is a story about marriage. Betsy and Maurice struggle with who they are individually and as a couple. The reader gets an intimate, moving and sometimes funny glimpse of a relationship large enough for despair and hope.
It is a story about lives of individuals. The reader gets the clearest view of Maurice but meets the entire family. These folks are fascinating and it is a gift to get to know them.
The book tells a tender, raw, worrisome, hopeful story about international adoption. I highly recommend this book for those who adopt or are considering adoption.
Maurice is an amazing story teller. His writing magically engages the reader. I had trouble putting this book down. Highly recommended!

[Anna Jt · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read the book in one day;loved it. The honesty,openness, sadness,frustration, anger, humor and love involved in the ups and downs of marriage, adoption, and creating family kept me turning the pages. It also provided illuminating information about Ukraine and Ukrainians that was of great interest to me. Time well spent.

[Ampersand Inc. · Rating 3 out of 5]

From Dot:
***

From Judy:
Mireau doesn't shy away from detailing his own failings as a father and a husband in this memoir of adoption and creating a family. He is raw and honest about how family legacy affects the present. ****

[Colette · Rating 4 out of 5]

Deeply honest and finely written, this memoir will be one his boys will treasure.

[Kathie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Although I appreciate the author's candor, and a glimpse into the struggles surrounding international adoption, I found it difficult to like him and connect to his story.

[Stacy · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was just alright, I did absolutely adore the last few sections of it though, Bohdan obsessing over the stray cats in Cuba was literally me every time that my family went on vacation there. I feel like the middle of this book was more disorganized and less compelling than the beginning and end of it. I wish more time was spent on how the boys adjusted to life in another country, but I understand that a big part of this book was how the dad adjusted to them. Still, had an enjoyable time reading.

[Jill Robbertze · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a very interesting memoir of a family's adoption story; Their harrowing trip to Ukraine to finalize the adoption and bring their psychologically damaged little boys home and the several years thereafter dealing with the behavioral difficulties resulting from their sons' traumatic and deprived first few years of life and the pressure this puts on their marriage. The author also explores his "detached" relationship with his own father and discovers how his family history has left it's mark across the generations. This couple's efforts to cope are admirable and it's heartwarming to follow their progress in dealing with the children and somehow managing to save their own marriage in the process.

[Alexis · Rating 4 out of 5]

An excellent memoir about adopting two boys from Ukraine. Maurice Mierau is a Winnipeg based poet and writer who adopted brothers from Ukraine in 2005. This book traces his experiences with adoption as well as his father's traumatic past in Ukraine.

This book was honest and touching. I appreciated the fact that Mierau doesn't sugarcoat the experience and takes a no-holds barred look at the problems that can happen in adoption, especially when children have been traumatized in their early life.

[Gabriele Goldstone · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book intertwined the complexities of international adoption with a man struggling to find his identity—not only as a father‚ but also as a son, a husband and as a writer. Mierau doesn’t always present himself in the most favourable light. This takes courage and for that I admire him.

His poetic use of language and his unflinching honesty make this book a compelling memoir. Here’s my favorite line: “There was a certain slant of light on this summer afternoon that made me believe, for a moment, in the eternal.”

[Joy Huebert · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book really spoke to me, because Mierau's family background is identical to mind, including murders, flight, and being a refugee. He is an engaging writer, with a relatable personal style. I was interested in his experience of adoption from Ukraine and what it was like to raise children from their troubled background. I think it is a book for our time, as so many of us come from war- related trauma.

[Nada Loughead · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting back story into international adoption and relationships that develop along the way. Felt the frustration of the process and the personal struggles of the author in relating to the boys. http://www.bookcrossing.com/journal/1...

[Catherine Cooper · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this book incredibly moving, and I especially admired Mierau's willingness to be so honest about his own imperfections.

[Edith · Rating 3 out of 5]

Despite a compelling story I found the author and his story hard to like.

[Kristina Ruttan · Rating 4 out of 5]

He does an excellent job of blending the past with the present without bogging the reader down in historical facts, instead focusing on the narrative of it all. I appreciate that he didn’t try to self-justify his story, but let it be told plainly. A wonderful story of the human capacity to love despite being broken people.

[Susan Lewis · Rating 3 out of 5]

The book about adopting children from Ukraine was pretty good but they were terrible parents