Backtalk: 4 Steps to Ending Rude Behavior in Your Kids

by Audrey Ricker

"So what? All the other kids get to do it!"
Few behavioral problems challenge and frustrate parents, caregivers, and teachers as does verbal rudeness in children of any age. Reinforced by the wise-cracking kids on TV and in the movies, backtalk has become all too common among today's youngsters. But there is nothing cute about this behavior. Remarks like "Yeah, right," "Big deal," and "Make me" -- form children as young as three -- get in the way of real communication between parents and kids, and can also be detrimental to a child's social and intellectual development.
Now two experts in the field share their simple and specific four-step program for ending backtalk and restoring balance in relationships between parents and children, from preschoolers to teens. You'll learn how to recognize backtalk, how to choose and enact a response that will make sense to you and the backtalker, and when to disengage from the struggle and move forward. Full of advice and encouragement as well as suggestions on how to keep track of what works and what doesn't, Backtalk can be put to use immediately, before you hear another "Whatever."

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction

176 pages, Paperback

First published March 10, 1998

Reviews

[Erik]

quite good (Wendy was inspired by it), but could seem harsh; advocates firmness, no nonsense

[Sheila Harris · Rating 3 out of 5]

Didn't apply much to my 7 year old today, but I can see how it would be helpful in teens. Glad I read it early though, got some good tips for stopping any behavior before they start!

[Anna · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a quick parenting read, which I’m thankful for. There are some concrete suggestions and many cases to read through. I thought some of the consequences went too far and don’t agree with many of the wordings the parents roles had, but the general idea is something that I will certainly implement.

[Sheherazahde · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this book very helpful and informative within it's limited focus.[return] [return]The system in this book reminds me of how friends of mine discipline their children which I much admire. It is simple and easy to implement: recognize, choose consequence, enact, and disengage. The book has chapters for dealing with other adults who don't support your methods, and using the system on college age and adult children. Actually you can use this system on anyone, it is a system based on behaving respectfully and withdrawing support from disrespectful people.[return][return]There are a few minor problems I have with the book. They spend too much time criticizing "progressive parenting" and "the media". I would rather they just explained their method. The only problem I have with their method is that I'm susceptible to the "just give me another chance" and "guilt" arguments from children, which must be resisted. Also they point out that children do this to feel powerful, and I sympathize with children feeling powerless. I'm in favor of empowering children. But they make a good argument children are better off in life if they are taught how to behave properly. [return][return]I wish they spent more time on not "rubbing it in". Discipline is about the consequences of actions, not punishment. Lording your power over your children makes discipline into a power struggle and takes away any good that might have resulted. That only comes up once, in the last chapter. And I wish they spent more time discussing positive ways to help children find significance and a sense of belonging within the family, but that is probably outside the scope of this text. [return][return]I give it 4 out of 5 stars for good practical advice clearly explained. 1 star off for spending too much time criticizing the competition.

[Kari · Rating 3 out of 5]

I didn't read all of this book, as some of the later chapters aren't applicable for my situation. However, I thought the advice it gave was particularly helpful, especially the idea that I need to recognize backtalk from very early on (I get that my kids backtalk me--but often it begins earlier than I had suspected). Also, it was helpful to think about enforcing consequences more immediately than I had been doing, and then ignorning the ensuing temper tantrum. I see myself as one who enforces consequences, but not before I've given far too many warnings and have lost my temper. A good book to add to the toolbox of parenting.

[X · Rating 5 out of 5]

Highly recommended.

The book has a generally gentle approach. Some recommendations are harsh, and don't really dwell on how the backlash from disengaging would be. Like a long term grudge that might break families apart.

It is a bit outdated and can be updated with a new version and more up to date techniques and examples, but yet it is still applicable to 2018.

One of the things I like is that it was not written in a scholar manner, which is seriously more effective than a sleeping pill. The examples were spicing up the idea and making it more relate-able.

The only parts that I felt were off note were the last part about parenting groups, and starting my own parent group.

[Janet · Rating 5 out of 5]

I needed this book. Excellent advice in very simple and easy terms. Nothing in the book I didn't already know- but needed to be reminded what I need to do to have my home be more peaceful- and it's working! Like everything- it's gets worse initially but quickly turns in a positive direction. Strongly recommend this book to be read, at different stages of your child's development, by all parents/teachers and caregivers.

[Ana Sorce · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent! It offers examples of how to implement the four step method for children of any age: from toddlers to adults. And the method works! It's a very quick read and a must have reference book for any parent. You just never know when the back talk will strike. The hardest part is to have the guts and strength to actually follow through.

[Suzanne Anderson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Maybe the best parenting book I have ever read, and I have read a lot. Addresses a difficult parenting issue that many parents just live with. The 4 steps are easy to remember. You can remember the 4 steps in the heat of the moment. The guidance on this issue can carry over to many other parenting issues. Fantastic!

[Carla · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some good advice on how to help your child "own" their behavior and consequences, as well as how to remain in control in a firm yet kind way. However, I don't agree with everything in this book.

[Lavonne · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best parenting books I've ever read. If you struggle with balktalking kids read this book!

[Marie · Rating 4 out of 5]

My Mother actually gave me this book. I was complaining about my oldest getting a little bit of attitude. It's a good read though with some good ideas.

[Christopher Trader · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good methodology. Seems logical, and so far efficient.

[Martha · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thought the techniques in this book would be good to try for a lot of things, not just backtalk. I also thought it was a better book for mild parental codependency than The Co-Dependent Parent.

[emigrazia]

I think the author is a little militant, but generally agree with the premise and approach.

[Enas · Rating 4 out of 5]

كتاب رائع والجميل فيه انه بعد ما تنتهي من اول 50 صفحه تقدر تتنقل في الكتاب على راحتك

افكار حلوه والاحلى اللي كاتبته ام ومعلمه يعني مو طبيب نفسي
شخص يتكلم بلغتنا ويخاطبنا فيها

[Marjorie · Rating 5 out of 5]

wow. it's a four step process, which helps you effectively implement change. easy and it seems to be working. backtalk starts at age 2 or 3 so get going now.

[Carol Holder · Rating 4 out of 5]

Worth a read if you have the problem. I'm seeing immediate improvement - which means an improved quality of life, too.

[Joani Hanley · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this years ago. I recommend this for any person with or without kids. Great self help bool

[Akhet · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some very good advice.

[Blake · Rating 5 out of 5]

Can't wait to try to implement these methods.

[Stephanie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Actually really helpful

[AnhDuc · Rating 3 out of 5]

Even though I don't quite agree with this teaching method for children in general, I find some of the points inside the book are quite convincing.

[Larissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's quite good and can be helpful to some parents. I would definitely recommend. However, if the 4 steps aren't working, I think therapy would be the best option.

[Laura Kirazian · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don't even HAVE a child and thought this was a great book! I read it 4 times!