Milk Drunk: What to Expect When You're Not Expecting

by Danielle Schwartz

For generations, expectations for a "good" life in America have remained the go to college, get a job, find a partner, get married, and have children. But what happens if someone decides to accomplish all of those things except have a child?

In Milk What to Expect When You Are Not Expecting, Danielle Schwartz details her very fulfilling but child-free life with her husband, Jim, while facing constant criticism about their family decision.

By sharing conversations with friends, family, coworkers, and even strangers, Milk Drunk explores a wide array of topics and opinions. Some people view Danielle as strong and independent for knowing who she is and what she wants, while others believe her choice is "disappointing God" and attempt to convince her that as a woman, she "must use God's given gift" of fertility.

Milk What to Expect When You Are Not Expecting explores a slew of opinions surrounding the sensitive and personal topic of remaining child-free and provides insight for those who either need support in a similar decision or do not understand why someone they know or love has turned down the choice of parenthood.

Kindle Edition

First published February 11, 2025

Reviews

[Ally · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was an extremely refreshing read coming out of the holiday season where “so when are you having kids!” was the main topic in many conversations. My partner and I are childfree by choice and I have felt very firm in that decision since a young age. My opinions about it have only grown stronger with age. This book affirmed my decisions and it was nice seeing the perspective of the author a few years older than me, showing me that life can be wonderful without having your own children! the book also emphasizes how we can be the village for parents, which I am totally on board with. 4.5/5 stars, recommend to anyone to read, even if you have kids. It can teach a different perspective.

Thank you to NetGalley and Indigo River Publishing for a free EARC in exchange for an honest review

[Noam · Rating 4 out of 5]

First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in the baby carriage...or not.

Synopsis: What happens if someone decides to skip the 'baby' part? Danielle Schwartz details her fulfilling and child-free life with her husband, while facing constant critiscism about her family decision. Milk Drunk explores a slew of opinions surrounding the sensitive and personal topic of remaining child-free and provides insight for those that either need support in a similar decision or do not understand why someone would turn down the choice of parenthood.

Thoughts: As a mother of 2 young boys, I truly feel that parenthood is essential, it's an important part in the cycle of life. Becoming a mother tests all your limits, pushes your selflessness, and opens your eyes to a way of life you haven't experienced before having kids. But, its so so hard. Everyday is hard - it's the most unnatural, natural thing in life. While everyone struggles and MANYYY people have kids,
I still found myself questioning 'did I have kids because it was what was expected of me?'

It was interesting to see things from a woman so sure and content in her (and her husbands) decision to not have kids. More than that, I enjoyed hearing from someone in her 40's 'past her baby bringing days' because she faced years of making this decision, years of hearing people's opinions, and years of exploring her marriage without the element of kids.

I enjoy reading memoirs because I love hearing different opinions, and seeing different perspectives so I enjoyed this.

Quotes I loved:
- "Being woman is hard enough, and adding motherhood is another layer of complexity."
- Judgements do not define the person being judged; rather they define the person who's judging."

[Janelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 stars rounded up. I really enjoyed this book by Danielle Schwartz, it read like a memoir but dove into many different perspectives about being child-free in a well-rounded way. I'm very different from Schwartz but also child-free, and I felt very seen by this book and resonated with many of her experiences. This is something I'd recommend to anyone who is child-free and anyone interested in understanding more about someone who has decided to be child-free.

[bryanna]

I feel like I shouldn’t rate a memoir idk! I loved it!!!!!

[kdierks14 · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was very intrigued by the premise of this memoir, but it fell flat. I love the concept of real life experiences from a woman who is determined and and content in her (and her partner's) decision to not have kids, and the years of discussions, arguments, and reasoning behind it. Schwartz was honest and insightful, and her perspective was interesting now that she's 'past her baby bringing days.' I also appreciated that this wasn't a one and done decision; Schwartz felt the pull of a childless life but still spent years debating, exploring her childless partnership and marriage, and, of course, hearing people's opinions.

While the narrator brought incredible statistics, personal anecdotes, and a variety of thoughtful arguments to the table, I personally found these negated by selfishness (ironically, the subject of a whole chapter argued that she's not) and a superior attitude. I sympathized with her as she described absolutely unacceptable interactions and judgements from total strangers, but throughout the novel, she rambled about how she doesn’t need to justify her life choices to anyone... and yet spent the entire book repeatedly justifying them. This is a book that I could normally read in a day, yet it took almost a week because the writing was just so long-winded and repetitive. I understand that a memoir is a first person account, but there are ways to write a story that are not so self-centered.

While this book had its pitfalls, I do want to commend Schwartz's research and exploration of the topic. 2.5 stars rounded up.

Thank you to NetGalley for an e-ARC in exchange for an honest review.

[Cool · Rating 1 out of 5]

Have you ever found yourself reading a book so bad that you continue reading it, because you are fascinated that a book this bad has been published? This is one of those books!

I too am happily child-free, so I was quite disappointed that this barely 150-page book reads like a transcript of an insecure person’s long-winded podcast about how she’s super-duper awesome.

Schwartz has all the insufferable energy of a TikTok influencer, with her “believe in yourself!” and “don’t worry about what other people think!” platitudes, while very much caring what other people think. But aside from the cringey, clichéd, and rambling writing, what’s inescapable is that Schwartz truly believes that she doesn’t need to justify or explain her life choices to anyone…yet spends the entire book repeatedly justifying them. She seems compelled to engage with and justify herself to numerous (obviously fictional) people who rudely interrogate her life choices in clunky dialogue, when a simple “sorry, that’s personal” response will suffice. Worst of all, she drags out the child-free woman’s trope of “of COURSE I love children!” because she doesn’t seem self-aware enough to realize that if she truly does not care about others’ judgement of her child-free status, then her reasons for not having children are irrelevant.

"Give this one a miss" is the understatement of the week.

[Jennifer Fields · Rating 5 out of 5]

Delightfully intuitive. Milk Drunk delves into the journey of deciding to be childless while facing societal repercussions. Schwartz dives right into the last two decades of answering the time honored question of, “Do you have kids”? Since the 1960s there has been a more dominant presence in the female workforce but the continuous reinforcement of being a working baby factory is still an expectation. Woman can have it all, but that also means it’s ok if what they want is to focus on their lives. This is one of the most unselfish acts anyone can make. Having children for the reason of it is expected, you don’t want to let your family down or for religious purposes should not be a reason to have children. Have children because you want to have them. Understanding what you want in order to be the best version of yourself is the best gift anyone can give. Read this intuitive and honestly very funny book that jumps into the milk free pool.

[Genevieve Stenz · Rating 5 out of 5]

Danielle’s voice shines through and is a thoughtful examination of her experience as a child free woman. An important perspective for all to consider.