朕的爱妃只想吃瓜

by 延琦

入宫三年，永宁殿美人燕姝未曾见过圣颜。
满宫嫔妃想尽办法争宠，唯有她沉浸在吃瓜系统中，无暇他顾。
——
【临武侯的世子不是自己的啧啧。】
【老古板礼部尚书竟与儿媳扒灰！！！】
【艾玛长公主老实巴交的驸马竟然养了好几房外室。】
每天各路狗血八卦，谁还记得皇帝是谁？
怎知有一天，她吃到了一个惊天大瓜——
【表面冷酷孤傲的铁血君王，其实身有难言隐疾。】
燕姝，“！！！难怪他从来不进后宫！”
等等……
好像有哪里不对……那她进宫做什么？！！
~~
新帝宇文澜有两个秘密。
自登基之后，他渐渐失去男子的功能；
但与此同时，却有了读心术。

每日见惯心口不一的虚伪面孔，他愈发冷酷。
直到有一日，他听见一个特别的心声——
【这特么不是暴殄天物？】
宇文澜一顿，眯眼看向那个长相清秀纯净的姑娘。
【老天爷你叫这么一个大帅比不能XX良心不会痛吗？】
【还有没有办法救一救？？？】
【十全回春丹，大丈夫再造丸没有效果的话，有没有试过回阳针法？】
宇文澜，“？？？”
~~
直到登上后位，燕姝也并不知晓，自己是如何在君王的底线上反复横跳，却跳成了他心间的第一人。
或许，就是命好吧。

——
小剧场：
冰戏宴上，君王一面接受大臣们的见礼，一面悄悄跟着爱妃吃瓜。
燕姝：【承恩公一把年纪了还在外头养小五小六，老不正经！】
宇文澜，【老不正经？？？】
那可是他舅舅……
燕姝；【临武候都没发现儿子长得一点不像自己吗？可怜的男人。】
宇文澜：【……还真是越看越不像。怎么办？要不要提醒他一下？】
燕姝：【这就是那个忘恩负义抛弃昔日恋人的文华阁大学士？果真道貌岸然！】
宇文澜；【……越看这老头越不像好人。】

1V1，沙雕向甜文，有美食描写。
63,64,65三章涉及真假千金，内容提要已经提醒，请介意的小伙伴慎重选择。

Unknown Binding

Reviews

[Limecello · Rating 3 out of 5]

12/24/24 so this book took me quite a while to read - yikes. Granted there was A LOT OF [SERIOUSLY AWFUL] shit going on irl so I'll lowkey highkey hate it forever ...

I ... *sigh* I don't love me a dumb FL and I know that was "the joke" - like even the system calls her on it a lot ... but it's ... ugh it's annoying when a ... I mean ok who REALLY is like "ha ha yeah I'm not smart." So ... there's that. But FL is not even remotely close to the brightest crayon in the box. She's got like a billion gold fingers what with the "system" and her love brained husband.

As a "bad people get punished" book ... it's generally satisfying, but as a romance it sucks. This chick ... there's no relationship development. It could just be business partners/even business partners could have a closer relationship. Also ... while it was satisfying to see people punished it was a bit annoying to only focus on the most petty shit. Granted ... the emperor was probably/definitely doing a lot of work that we just don't see.
She definitely cared more about the empress dowager and Qi than ML though. Can we even call him ML? *sigh* I know that was also "part of the joke" - how he's the afterthought ... but we were sold on this being a romance.
There wasn't really any overarching thing ... Maybe the extras were better but 😅 at that point I was so fed up I scrolled. Maybe one day I'll revisit them.
Maybe.

I'd say ... C. Not mad I read it, would not rec it. Definitely not as a romance - but if you want a silly stupid book where karma gets the baddies, this could be satisfying/an enjoyable read.

~*~*~*~*~
My Beloved Concubine Only Wants to Eat Melons

1 FL is Li YanShu? And her imperial harem rank is a beauty/mei ren

2 😒🫥 do not love (read: hate) that being gay is lumped by author/FL as “peculiar” and with all the other bad …

7 *sigh* it’s not funny when she’s just fucking stupid “Yanshu felt as if she had been struck by lightning, [Even if he's impotent, he can still like women?]”
(lol and the system is only partially useful)

Sigh. MTL not human translating.
Also the author is pretty stupid - as is FL. Bitch how do you think you’re going to leave the imperial harem 🙄😒

19 😹☠️ I don’t think I’ve ever been so excited a ML’s dick works especially for such an innocent/non-thing!

31 he’s figured out she likely has a power like his just different

42 plot hole - him being unable to discover the poison in his bedchamber. … isn’t the doctor he’s seeing an imperial physician? Like duh just sneak him in? 🙄😒
(Oh 😅 right - emperor doesn’t want him to know it’s him)

52 finally! Sex!

103 lol has she finally figured out her baby can read minds & she can read the emperor’s mind when he’s touching her belly?

116 yay the empress dowager can be with Qi! And FL had a baby boy!

Qi ShuGuang might be the best guy in cnovels ever. Very similar to ML in girl is beautiful but violent

128 rebirth of empress dowager & QSG!

133 them in modern world - skimming

[Joelle · Rating 3 out of 5]

this was interesting in that the concept was unique but disappointing in that it felt like it was focused so much on the wrong things.
Spoiler warning probably

anyways so the whole concept right is that she is in the emperor's harem and has this gossiping system that tells her gossip or "melons" about other people. She finds out the reason the emperor hasn't been with any of the women is cause he can't get it up, rough. lol
while shes losing her mind about this info, turns out he can read minds and hears everything she is thinking and thinks she's a spy so he decides to get to know her

its a wild concept

I enjoyed how she used her gossip to write books, yes it was repetitive but i do like a good fight. I enjoyed her love for food, it made me hungry

What i didn't enjoy was the lack of plot and relationship progression. Listen, realistically speaking, it is a big deal if an emperor has no kids, especially if he's had a harem for 3 years??? The fact that he couldn't have kids was serious. And yet when she is found to be pregnant it was so anticlimatic it was so incredibly disappointing in every way. Everything about her pregnancy was disappointing.

Also, in the main chapters HE NEVER TELLS HER HE'S TELEPATHIC????? WHAT???? she told him about the gossip thing and then he spends the rest of the book tryna make sure she isn't suspicious of him. DO YOU EVEN LOVE HER????? WHAT ARE YOU HIDING IT FOR????

speaking of love, she literally at no point in the book made any indication she liked the guy. She was constantly wanting money just in case he left her. There was literally no one else left in the harem because he got rid of them. He has only shown interest in her. He explicitly said he only cared for her several times to her face. She showed no indication she had feelings for him and then had his kids and still nothing. only cares about food and money which like i get but GIRL COME ON, AN EMPEROR JUST KILLED OFF HIS HAREM FOR YOU????HE KILLED OFF PEOPLE CAUSE THEY HURT YOUR FAMILY??? HE FEEDS YOU??? SUPPORTS YOUR BOOKS??? UR KILLING ME HERE


yeah
i didn't read the extra chapters out of anger