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Middle Spoon
A whipsmart, blazingly funny novel about heartbreak, unconventional love, and the way society could be, from National Book Award finalist Alejandro Varela.
The narrator of Middle Spoon appears to be living the He has a doting husband, two precocious children, all the comforts of a quiet bourgeois life—and a sexy younger boyfriend to accompany him to farmers markets and cocktail parties. But when his boyfriend abruptly dumps him, he spirals into heartbreak for the first time and must confront a world still struggling to understand polyamorous relationships. Faced with the judgment of friends and the sting of rejection, he’s left to wonder if sharing a life with both his family and his lover could ever truly be possible.
With a big heart and just the right dose of the anxieties that define the modern era, Middle Spoon skewers the unspoken rules we still live by—from taboos around intimacy to the shortcomings of Oscar season, pop culture, and gluten-free food—offering a surprising perspective on love, loss, and reinvention. Equal parts heart-wrenching and uproariously funny, Middle Spoon is for anyone who has longed, nursed a broken heart, or grappled with love at its messiest.
The narrator of Middle Spoon appears to be living the He has a doting husband, two precocious children, all the comforts of a quiet bourgeois life—and a sexy younger boyfriend to accompany him to farmers markets and cocktail parties. But when his boyfriend abruptly dumps him, he spirals into heartbreak for the first time and must confront a world still struggling to understand polyamorous relationships. Faced with the judgment of friends and the sting of rejection, he’s left to wonder if sharing a life with both his family and his lover could ever truly be possible.
With a big heart and just the right dose of the anxieties that define the modern era, Middle Spoon skewers the unspoken rules we still live by—from taboos around intimacy to the shortcomings of Oscar season, pop culture, and gluten-free food—offering a surprising perspective on love, loss, and reinvention. Equal parts heart-wrenching and uproariously funny, Middle Spoon is for anyone who has longed, nursed a broken heart, or grappled with love at its messiest.
326 pages, Kindle Edition
First published September 9, 2025
144 people are currently reading
9671 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 186 reviews
December 22, 2025
this is the Complaining About Small Annoying Things While The World Is Ending representation i need.
it is also an entertaining if sometimes pointless-feeling and frustrating read. which i guess is the same thing.
it's a series of unsent email from a newly diagnosed ocd sufferer to (mostly) his ex-boyfriend. he also has a husband and two kids.
the things that were annoying about it, to me, are not the intentional ones — the pointless and inane complaints, the repetition — but the lack of character development or meaningful change or CALLS BACK TO FRIENDS OH MY GOD or lies that are set up and never discovered, etc.
if it doesn't sound conducive to plot, it isn't.
but at least the voice is funny.
bottom line: i guess i actually didn't like this?
(thanks to the publisher for the e-arc)
it is also an entertaining if sometimes pointless-feeling and frustrating read. which i guess is the same thing.
it's a series of unsent email from a newly diagnosed ocd sufferer to (mostly) his ex-boyfriend. he also has a husband and two kids.
the things that were annoying about it, to me, are not the intentional ones — the pointless and inane complaints, the repetition — but the lack of character development or meaningful change or CALLS BACK TO FRIENDS OH MY GOD or lies that are set up and never discovered, etc.
if it doesn't sound conducive to plot, it isn't.
but at least the voice is funny.
bottom line: i guess i actually didn't like this?
(thanks to the publisher for the e-arc)
September 21, 2025
Unfortunately I found this book to be a mess. To start with the positives though, I appreciate that more books are portraying polyamorous relationships. I also think Alejandro Varela effectively shows the range of emotions someone can experience after a breakup.
That said, I found the actual people within the polyamorous relationship of this novel so annoying. I say this with all the compassion I can muster in my heart: the protagonist in this book is insufferable. I’m down for unlikable characters when the unlikability is well-written or has a point, though with our protagonist in Middle Spoon, he’s annoying for no reason. Namely, he’s a man of color who’s married to a white man, and his younger boyfriend who broke up with him is also white, and he’s obsessed with this younger lover for no real reason I could discern. What’s disappointing is that Varela throws out a couple of sentences here and there about the racial politics of this polyamorous relationship (e.g., protagonist reflects briefly on how he’s with two white men, the protagonist’s sister criticizes him in a conversation for bringing yet another white man into his life) though there’s no deep or genuine interrogation of the protagonist’s infatuation with whiteness/white men.
This lack of self-interrogation about whiteness is made even more jarring by how Varela imbues his protagonist with a lot of intellectualizing about social justice. The protagonist comments on the injustices of high rental prices in NYC, the lack of respect in which sanitation workers are treated, how difficult it is to raise a nonbinary child, etc. though exhibits no self-awareness about his own conduct in his interpersonal relationships. I suppose one could make the argument that this divide highlights how people can intellectually grasp topics yet not apply them to their day-to-day lives, though frankly it was just annoying to read. Our protagonist’s musings about social justice also came across as ingenuine given that he owns property in NYC with a white man and doesn’t really seem to think about money beyond commenting briefly that he and his family live frugally; the protagonist’s action toward social justice as opposed to his meanderings about it seemed limited.
As an aside from the cringey racial dynamics in this book, I also didn’t feel that our protagonist really grew in any meaningful way in this book. There are scenes where he goes to therapy, journals, etc. though by the end of the book he’s displaying the same behaviors and obsessions as he did at the start of the story.
It saddens me to write this review because from his social media at least, Alejandro Varela seems like a great guy with solid politics. His novel The Town of Babylon is one of my favorite queer/queer POC books of the past few years. But Middle Spoon was a big disappointment for me. In terms of queer/queer POC fiction published this year (2025), The Fantasies of Future Things still is the frontrunner for me.
That said, I found the actual people within the polyamorous relationship of this novel so annoying. I say this with all the compassion I can muster in my heart: the protagonist in this book is insufferable. I’m down for unlikable characters when the unlikability is well-written or has a point, though with our protagonist in Middle Spoon, he’s annoying for no reason. Namely, he’s a man of color who’s married to a white man, and his younger boyfriend who broke up with him is also white, and he’s obsessed with this younger lover for no real reason I could discern. What’s disappointing is that Varela throws out a couple of sentences here and there about the racial politics of this polyamorous relationship (e.g., protagonist reflects briefly on how he’s with two white men, the protagonist’s sister criticizes him in a conversation for bringing yet another white man into his life) though there’s no deep or genuine interrogation of the protagonist’s infatuation with whiteness/white men.
This lack of self-interrogation about whiteness is made even more jarring by how Varela imbues his protagonist with a lot of intellectualizing about social justice. The protagonist comments on the injustices of high rental prices in NYC, the lack of respect in which sanitation workers are treated, how difficult it is to raise a nonbinary child, etc. though exhibits no self-awareness about his own conduct in his interpersonal relationships. I suppose one could make the argument that this divide highlights how people can intellectually grasp topics yet not apply them to their day-to-day lives, though frankly it was just annoying to read. Our protagonist’s musings about social justice also came across as ingenuine given that he owns property in NYC with a white man and doesn’t really seem to think about money beyond commenting briefly that he and his family live frugally; the protagonist’s action toward social justice as opposed to his meanderings about it seemed limited.
As an aside from the cringey racial dynamics in this book, I also didn’t feel that our protagonist really grew in any meaningful way in this book. There are scenes where he goes to therapy, journals, etc. though by the end of the book he’s displaying the same behaviors and obsessions as he did at the start of the story.
It saddens me to write this review because from his social media at least, Alejandro Varela seems like a great guy with solid politics. His novel The Town of Babylon is one of my favorite queer/queer POC books of the past few years. But Middle Spoon was a big disappointment for me. In terms of queer/queer POC fiction published this year (2025), The Fantasies of Future Things still is the frontrunner for me.
September 15, 2025
I had a weird experience reading this book. Where it felt to me like the book was doing one thing, only to find out at the end that I was totally wrong and it was doing something else entirely. Which left me feeling a little disoriented and uncertain about the whole thing. So it's hard to formulate a coherent review.
Our narrator is insufferable, it's best to just get that out of the way. He is going to drive you nuts, even if you don't get bothered by the gimmick of the unsent-emails-as-novel format. And while this is annoying as a reader, it also feels really accurate. Breakups suck, and people going through breakups are a lot. If you have ever talked a friend through a breakup, over days and weeks, you may find this novel eerily accurate. The incredible self-absorption, the inability to move on, the way things get replayed over and over, the way this person seems to have no desire to move on but just stays absolutely still while going on and on. Varela's depiction of a man in a breakup is absolutely correct, and it's also annoying as hell because that is what people do. And while the book tends to go on and on about minutiae or whatever rant the narrator feels like, this also felt familiar. That thing where you want to say something to this person but this person isn't here anymore and it hurts so much that you can't just say the casual little thing you would have said. It is all correct.
But where the book and I didn't really see eye to eye is how we feel about our narrator. To me, this was a man who is selfish and doesn't really understand polyamory. Not because it's impossible to be polyamorous, but because he wants everything he wants and he sees no other option. It is all or nothing. It is a world where he gets this perfect world that is all about his needs and where his partners and his family and his friends all just have to deal with it. It's not even that his husband isn't interested in dating while he is. It's that he doesn't seem to have any idea of whether his husband likes this perfect fantasy of the narrator's, whether his boyfriend even wants this fantasy. The fantasy doesn't seem to be that great of a deal for anyone except the narrator.
I kept waiting for him to have some clarity. To realize that you can't be a good polyamorous partner unless you truly understand what your partner needs, to try to provide for your partner's needs, to figure out together how you can create something that works. That never happened. Is this a spoiler? I won't tell you what happens in the plot, but I will say that our narrator never has any kind of epiphany about himself, has very minimal growth and change, and for me this left me feeling confused. What was the point of it all? If there was not all of this for him to learn, then why are we here? This is a question I can't answer.
All that said, it is one of the better depictions of polyamory/nonmonogamy that I've seen. Even if it is messy and people aren't very considerate of each other, that is a lot of what happens in real life. I really don't need another novel about a couple just "trying out polyamory" when they should really just break up. So there's that.
Our narrator is insufferable, it's best to just get that out of the way. He is going to drive you nuts, even if you don't get bothered by the gimmick of the unsent-emails-as-novel format. And while this is annoying as a reader, it also feels really accurate. Breakups suck, and people going through breakups are a lot. If you have ever talked a friend through a breakup, over days and weeks, you may find this novel eerily accurate. The incredible self-absorption, the inability to move on, the way things get replayed over and over, the way this person seems to have no desire to move on but just stays absolutely still while going on and on. Varela's depiction of a man in a breakup is absolutely correct, and it's also annoying as hell because that is what people do. And while the book tends to go on and on about minutiae or whatever rant the narrator feels like, this also felt familiar. That thing where you want to say something to this person but this person isn't here anymore and it hurts so much that you can't just say the casual little thing you would have said. It is all correct.
But where the book and I didn't really see eye to eye is how we feel about our narrator. To me, this was a man who is selfish and doesn't really understand polyamory. Not because it's impossible to be polyamorous, but because he wants everything he wants and he sees no other option. It is all or nothing. It is a world where he gets this perfect world that is all about his needs and where his partners and his family and his friends all just have to deal with it. It's not even that his husband isn't interested in dating while he is. It's that he doesn't seem to have any idea of whether his husband likes this perfect fantasy of the narrator's, whether his boyfriend even wants this fantasy. The fantasy doesn't seem to be that great of a deal for anyone except the narrator.
I kept waiting for him to have some clarity. To realize that you can't be a good polyamorous partner unless you truly understand what your partner needs, to try to provide for your partner's needs, to figure out together how you can create something that works. That never happened. Is this a spoiler? I won't tell you what happens in the plot, but I will say that our narrator never has any kind of epiphany about himself, has very minimal growth and change, and for me this left me feeling confused. What was the point of it all? If there was not all of this for him to learn, then why are we here? This is a question I can't answer.
All that said, it is one of the better depictions of polyamory/nonmonogamy that I've seen. Even if it is messy and people aren't very considerate of each other, that is a lot of what happens in real life. I really don't need another novel about a couple just "trying out polyamory" when they should really just break up. So there's that.
October 27, 2025
firstly, thank you to the publisher for an arc!!
ugh kicking myself as always for waiting to read a book that ultimately becomes my favorite for the year!!
i absolutely ate up the narrator (they totally nailed the satirical, woe-is-me energy that the nameless mc conveyed) and the epistolary format of unsent emails to the lover ben was fantastic.
middle spoon had plenty of social commentary, particularly surrounding the queer community, and despite the serious aspects, was such a comedic read.
——
this is a finalist for the national book award so i’m interested to see what it’s all about, especially since it’s been said to “subvert the ordinary novel with intelligence and vulnerability”
ugh kicking myself as always for waiting to read a book that ultimately becomes my favorite for the year!!
i absolutely ate up the narrator (they totally nailed the satirical, woe-is-me energy that the nameless mc conveyed) and the epistolary format of unsent emails to the lover ben was fantastic.
middle spoon had plenty of social commentary, particularly surrounding the queer community, and despite the serious aspects, was such a comedic read.
——
this is a finalist for the national book award so i’m interested to see what it’s all about, especially since it’s been said to “subvert the ordinary novel with intelligence and vulnerability”
October 24, 2025
Middle Spoon by Alejandro Varela is a risky and brave achievement of a novel. At the beginning, when I saw the structure, I was a bit worried whether it would work: an epistolary novel from just one point of view could easily bore you to death. Quite the opposite happened. By the third or fourth chapter at the latest, I was fully on board.
Having read and really enjoyed Varela’s debut The Town of Babylon and his short story collection The People Who Report More Stress, I still think this might be his best effort yet – also because of the subject matter: it’s quite rare to see polyamorous relationships portrayed, even in gay or queer literature, and especially with such sensitivity.
I’ll certainly read whatever Varela writes next.
Having read and really enjoyed Varela’s debut The Town of Babylon and his short story collection The People Who Report More Stress, I still think this might be his best effort yet – also because of the subject matter: it’s quite rare to see polyamorous relationships portrayed, even in gay or queer literature, and especially with such sensitivity.
I’ll certainly read whatever Varela writes next.
November 15, 2025
I loved the voice of this novel. I liked the narrator even though he was a mess. I appreciated the way this book went off in so many tangents but never felt preachy. It was long in spots for sure. Overall though it was heartwarming and quite good. The main conceit, the emails, worked so well.
October 15, 2025
TW/CW: drinking, cheating, bullying, toxic relationships, graphic sexual scenes,, drug use, smoking, stalking
*****SPOILERS*****
About the book:
He has a doting husband, two precocious children, all the comforts of a quiet bourgeois life—and a sexy younger boyfriend to accompany him to farmers markets and cocktail parties. But when his boyfriend abruptly dumps him, he spirals into heartbreak for the first time and must confront a world still struggling to understand polyamorous relationships. Faced with the judgment of friends and the sting of rejection, he’s left to wonder if sharing a life with both his family and his lover could ever truly be possible.
Release Date: September 9th, 2025
Genre: Fiction
Pages: 336
Rating: ⭐⭐
What I Liked:
1. Unhinged man
2. Queer/gay rep
3. Non-binary rep
What I Didn't Like:
1. The narrator *cringe*
2. Rambling sentences that say the same thing over and over again
Overall Thoughts:
{{Disclaimer: I write my review as I read}}
God, you ever have a friend and said friend was ghosted or broken up with and they would go on and on about the person? That's what this book feels like - one long long talk about how Ben didn't give our main character a chance. Ben doesn't want to be with him because he realizes after catching feelings and that the narrator won't leave his husband that maybe poly isn't what he wants. Ben even explains this all to him but he continues to pine over Ben acting like he doesn't understand why he won't give him a reason. It's annoying really. He writes endless emails he doesn't send. Even the narrators therapist tells him he doesn't want to read anymore.
I can't believe the narrator acts mad that Ben slept with someone on the day they broke up but he went and had sex with two different people right after that too.
Narrators husband cheats on him with unprotected sex and then has sex with him unprotected too. That's how we find out that narrator meets Ben in almost spite for being cheated on.
No wonder this poor Ben guy is feeling the way he does. The narrator took off his wedding ring and put it on Ben's finger and then Ben put his grandfather's ring on the narrator's finger and they went around town pretending like they were married. No wonder Ben is feeling this way. I'm telling you if I were Ben I would also be really angry and not want to see the narrator again. The narrator says one thing and then always reacts differently. It would be confusing and frustrating.
Final Thoughts:
For the most part though I really enjoyed having a unhinged male character. I feel like we always get unhinged women stories but we never get men that are like this without them being serial killers or stalkers. It was just a nice change of pace.
Unfortunately everything was just absolutely mind numbing boring. The narrator repeats the same thing over and over again and again. I wanted more gusto with this book since it sounded so taboo but what I got was a man pining over someone who doesn't want him while neglecting his family. I found the narrator boring and ridiculous. He's an unreliable narrator too. We never know what's real or fake.
I dnfed it half way through because I just can't imagine it getting any better.
IG | Blog
Thanks to Netgalley and Viking Publishing for this advanced copy of the book. All thoughts are my own opinion.
*****SPOILERS*****
About the book:
He has a doting husband, two precocious children, all the comforts of a quiet bourgeois life—and a sexy younger boyfriend to accompany him to farmers markets and cocktail parties. But when his boyfriend abruptly dumps him, he spirals into heartbreak for the first time and must confront a world still struggling to understand polyamorous relationships. Faced with the judgment of friends and the sting of rejection, he’s left to wonder if sharing a life with both his family and his lover could ever truly be possible.
Release Date: September 9th, 2025
Genre: Fiction
Pages: 336
Rating: ⭐⭐
What I Liked:
1. Unhinged man
2. Queer/gay rep
3. Non-binary rep
What I Didn't Like:
1. The narrator *cringe*
2. Rambling sentences that say the same thing over and over again
Overall Thoughts:
{{Disclaimer: I write my review as I read}}
God, you ever have a friend and said friend was ghosted or broken up with and they would go on and on about the person? That's what this book feels like - one long long talk about how Ben didn't give our main character a chance. Ben doesn't want to be with him because he realizes after catching feelings and that the narrator won't leave his husband that maybe poly isn't what he wants. Ben even explains this all to him but he continues to pine over Ben acting like he doesn't understand why he won't give him a reason. It's annoying really. He writes endless emails he doesn't send. Even the narrators therapist tells him he doesn't want to read anymore.
I can't believe the narrator acts mad that Ben slept with someone on the day they broke up but he went and had sex with two different people right after that too.
Narrators husband cheats on him with unprotected sex and then has sex with him unprotected too. That's how we find out that narrator meets Ben in almost spite for being cheated on.
No wonder this poor Ben guy is feeling the way he does. The narrator took off his wedding ring and put it on Ben's finger and then Ben put his grandfather's ring on the narrator's finger and they went around town pretending like they were married. No wonder Ben is feeling this way. I'm telling you if I were Ben I would also be really angry and not want to see the narrator again. The narrator says one thing and then always reacts differently. It would be confusing and frustrating.
Final Thoughts:
For the most part though I really enjoyed having a unhinged male character. I feel like we always get unhinged women stories but we never get men that are like this without them being serial killers or stalkers. It was just a nice change of pace.
Unfortunately everything was just absolutely mind numbing boring. The narrator repeats the same thing over and over again and again. I wanted more gusto with this book since it sounded so taboo but what I got was a man pining over someone who doesn't want him while neglecting his family. I found the narrator boring and ridiculous. He's an unreliable narrator too. We never know what's real or fake.
I dnfed it half way through because I just can't imagine it getting any better.
IG | Blog
Thanks to Netgalley and Viking Publishing for this advanced copy of the book. All thoughts are my own opinion.
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September 28, 2025gay neuroses and heartbreak 💔
really loved this - the epistolary structure of the novel is actually brilliant, because you’re totally inhabited within the narrators trapped headspace while he’s experiencing grief after the man he’s fallen in love with (outside of his poly marriage) decides to end things with him instead of stick around and figure out how to make their unconventional and non heteronormative relationship work.
the audiobook narration is perfect, highly recommend.
really loved this - the epistolary structure of the novel is actually brilliant, because you’re totally inhabited within the narrators trapped headspace while he’s experiencing grief after the man he’s fallen in love with (outside of his poly marriage) decides to end things with him instead of stick around and figure out how to make their unconventional and non heteronormative relationship work.
the audiobook narration is perfect, highly recommend.
December 12, 2025
Thank you to the publisher for providing me with an advance copy of the book in exchange for an honest review!
I'm usually a fan of epistolary storytelling, but unfortunately this book didn't really hit the right tone for me. Most of the e-mails the main character wrote to his (ex-)boyfriend were too pretentious and performative to feel truly authentic to me. Also, I didn't quite see the appeal in the boyfriend at all (neither did the MC's friends to be honest). I found myself annoyed more than empathetic, which is a shame because the premise sounded very much up my alley.
The book was strongest when it actually focused on the polyamory plot/family dynamics and not as much when it went on tangents about structural, societal and overarching systemic issues as well as (in ironic contrast to the previous points listed) every day New York City activities. NYC is truly a character of its own - as it is in so many stories that use it as a backdrop. Because of that variety in content, we were just meandering along due to no particular focus on any one topic. Maybe this will work excellently for someone out there, I'm just unfortunately not that reader.
I'm usually a fan of epistolary storytelling, but unfortunately this book didn't really hit the right tone for me. Most of the e-mails the main character wrote to his (ex-)boyfriend were too pretentious and performative to feel truly authentic to me. Also, I didn't quite see the appeal in the boyfriend at all (neither did the MC's friends to be honest). I found myself annoyed more than empathetic, which is a shame because the premise sounded very much up my alley.
The book was strongest when it actually focused on the polyamory plot/family dynamics and not as much when it went on tangents about structural, societal and overarching systemic issues as well as (in ironic contrast to the previous points listed) every day New York City activities. NYC is truly a character of its own - as it is in so many stories that use it as a backdrop. Because of that variety in content, we were just meandering along due to no particular focus on any one topic. Maybe this will work excellently for someone out there, I'm just unfortunately not that reader.
July 27, 2025
Middle Spoon is a beautifully layered exploration of queer identity, grief, and emotional restraint. Told through unsent emails, Varela crafts an intimate portrait of a man who’s learning how to confront vulnerability without apology. The narrative structure feels both confessional and controlled—like reading someone’s diary with their reluctant permission.
Varela writes with sharp social insight, especially when tackling class dynamics, polyamory, and the cultural expectations that shape love and family. At times, the book feels like it’s whispering secrets only meant for those who know how to listen. It’s not flashy, but it cuts deep.
This is for readers who enjoy slow-burn literary fiction, character-driven storytelling, and quiet emotional revelations. A thoughtful and rewarding read.
Thank you NetGalley and Viking Penguin for this ARC.
Varela writes with sharp social insight, especially when tackling class dynamics, polyamory, and the cultural expectations that shape love and family. At times, the book feels like it’s whispering secrets only meant for those who know how to listen. It’s not flashy, but it cuts deep.
This is for readers who enjoy slow-burn literary fiction, character-driven storytelling, and quiet emotional revelations. A thoughtful and rewarding read.
Thank you NetGalley and Viking Penguin for this ARC.
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February 8, 2025The charming Alejandro Varela dares us with his utopian one-sided epistolary of a man who wants it all: a husband, a boyfriend, a trans-kid, great real estate and a membership in Brooklyn DSA. To some, perhaps a woke nightmare, to others the gluten-free bourgeois American dream. A vulnerable, nerdy, needy and charismatic argument for the new novel of the age of chaos, where happiness can only exist at home, and so it must.
September 23, 2025
Varela is an extremely talented writer - this is a character completely baring his soul post-breakup in an epistolary format (mostly) written to the former lover. This was a really heavy read at times but there was enough humor to balance it out. The reason it didn’t quite work for me fully was that the narrator likes to go off on random tangents (pages of random information that have nothing to do with anything other than his own interests), and i feel like this might have worked better as a novella.
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November 4, 2025No…just no!!! I don’t know WHY I started another book with this author. I DNF’ed Alejandro Varela’s first novel, The Town of Babylon, before eventually finishing it to just as much irritation. He has INCREDIBLE book concepts and so much promise to address these topics, but is just always doing something that is too annoying for me to stomach.
I recently went to a book club for Great Black Hope, where we ended up discussing the comparisons between that author (Rob Franklin) and Brandon Taylor. There’s something awry with the gay, Millennial men of color writing this acclaimed fiction—they don’t care about their own novels! Not everything can be detached condescension and apathetic snobbery towards all manner of items in the world. Like maybe they ate it up in your MFA workshop, but if your own narrator doesn’t care about this book, why should I?!?!?
Alejandro Varela is of a sort with these authors, I think. There’s a bit more liveliness in his work, but that’s really not saying much as the other two authors basically tranquilize their narrators! My problem with Varela is that while I LOVE his premises, I hate the execution. His protagonists always suck, and are just deeply unpleasant individuals to inhabit the minds of. I think I could’ve handled this if Middle Spoon had a similar POV and ensemble cast to Town of Babylon, but 100 pages in, we are STUCK IN SECOND PERSON, a choice that should’ve never been made for such a terrible individual. It was an excruciating experience that I could not stomach for another 200 pages, so here we are!!!
Again, Varela does get a lot right here—like we need more books exploring how many awful people are running ENM into the ground. I love the polymemoirs from the white women with their horrendous boyfriends, but there's even more to discuss!! I'm all for more books about queer people of color's chaotic experiences with this sort of dating. Unfortunately, despite my interest, Middle Spoon was just too painful to stick around for. I could see myself coming back to this with the encouragement of others--for example, a buddy read or book club selection. But until then, I'll continue hating from outside the club and whining about these sorts of nauseating authors to anyone who will listen!!
P.S. Let me leave you with one example of Varela's accuracy: this character is lecturing his ex about Conflict is Not Abuse by Sarah Schulman. It’s a perfect case of the absolute worst person you know stumbling upon a resource they can use as a Bible thumping device!!! If you want a thorough deconstruction of CINA and its menace of an author, I will always recommend this epic takedown by William Gillis, cleverly titled “One Giant Red Flag, Folded into a Book.” Gillis is a longwinded hate reviewer after my own heart!!!!!!!! 💚
I recently went to a book club for Great Black Hope, where we ended up discussing the comparisons between that author (Rob Franklin) and Brandon Taylor. There’s something awry with the gay, Millennial men of color writing this acclaimed fiction—they don’t care about their own novels! Not everything can be detached condescension and apathetic snobbery towards all manner of items in the world. Like maybe they ate it up in your MFA workshop, but if your own narrator doesn’t care about this book, why should I?!?!?
Alejandro Varela is of a sort with these authors, I think. There’s a bit more liveliness in his work, but that’s really not saying much as the other two authors basically tranquilize their narrators! My problem with Varela is that while I LOVE his premises, I hate the execution. His protagonists always suck, and are just deeply unpleasant individuals to inhabit the minds of. I think I could’ve handled this if Middle Spoon had a similar POV and ensemble cast to Town of Babylon, but 100 pages in, we are STUCK IN SECOND PERSON, a choice that should’ve never been made for such a terrible individual. It was an excruciating experience that I could not stomach for another 200 pages, so here we are!!!
Again, Varela does get a lot right here—like we need more books exploring how many awful people are running ENM into the ground. I love the polymemoirs from the white women with their horrendous boyfriends, but there's even more to discuss!! I'm all for more books about queer people of color's chaotic experiences with this sort of dating. Unfortunately, despite my interest, Middle Spoon was just too painful to stick around for. I could see myself coming back to this with the encouragement of others--for example, a buddy read or book club selection. But until then, I'll continue hating from outside the club and whining about these sorts of nauseating authors to anyone who will listen!!
P.S. Let me leave you with one example of Varela's accuracy: this character is lecturing his ex about Conflict is Not Abuse by Sarah Schulman. It’s a perfect case of the absolute worst person you know stumbling upon a resource they can use as a Bible thumping device!!! If you want a thorough deconstruction of CINA and its menace of an author, I will always recommend this epic takedown by William Gillis, cleverly titled “One Giant Red Flag, Folded into a Book.” Gillis is a longwinded hate reviewer after my own heart!!!!!!!! 💚
July 20, 2025
I really enjoyed the parts of this book that were about polyamory and how it fits into modern society. Where it fell short for me were the exhausting rants about subjects such as equality and equity, the Oscars, public health, and the New York City rental market. These tangents didn’t really propel the story forward and made me wonder why anyone would be in a relationship with a man as neurotic and unhinged as the narrator. Whenever we got back to the main character’s relationship with his husband, his children, and Ben, I was engrossed and interested in what I assumed to be the main theme of the book.
Thank you to Viking Penguin and NetGalley for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.
Thank you to Viking Penguin and NetGalley for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.
October 19, 2025
I don’t think the author intends this as satire, but that’s the only possible reading that would make at all interesting or engaging this interminable, repetitive, predictable polyamory fairy tale (as in ‘happily ever after’). The narrator is too insufferable, too self-centered, and grows not one bit throughout the novel. The character I’m most curious about we never hear from directly, and the narrator is hardly a reliable reporter of anyone else’s feelings (which, by his actions, he barely cares a wit about). Polyamory needs a better manifesto/defense than this, and definitely a better novel.
October 30, 2025
This novel made me think a few things:
First off, I received it as part of the Allstora Very Gay Book Club. It's been interesting receiving a book each month of not necessarily my choosing. But I'm realizing I'm pretty good at picking out books for myself, and thus far I haven't loved (or sometimes even liked) the selections. I was hoping it would expose me to books and authors I may have not been aware of, but alas I am glad Allstora recently changed their book club process, where now you can pick out any book from the many book clubs they sponsor -- so I am hoping some better reading experiences in the future.
Secondly, I have always said I don't mind unlike-able characters, but I am starting to think I really do need to the like the characters or "love to hate" them. The main character in this book, a gay married male who is reeling from a breakup with his other partner in a polyamorous/open marriage (not a throuple, as the "middle spoon" only had sex with one of the husbands), is pretty darn insufferable. And honestly, I didn't much like either of his two partners either -- and was wondering what was the attraction of any of them! And maybe the format, a novel that is largely consisting of unsent emails was just a tad too navel gazy and downward spiral for me.
And lastly, I am not sure Varela is an author for me. I see I rated his debut novel 3 stars, tho I maybe had fonder memories of it given that I was looking forward to this one -- but alas, this one was more of a bust than my memory of the first one.
Overall, an interesting novel exploring polyamory and open marriage, but probably as eye-roll-y as what I think of folks in a polyamorous or open marriage ... with a non-binary child thrown in as well for good measure. Easy, quick reading ... but again, just which I would have enjoyed spending time with these characters. And unofficial 2.5 stars and sadly a round-down to a Goodreads 2 stars.
November 17, 2025
One of the most frustrating reads in memory. I have loved how Verela writes/observes the world in his other work and this conceit had seriously great promise, but mannn do we just continuously circle the drain here. Just retreading the same idea over and over and over and over and over. It’s so shocking!!!!
Can we get another draft with shifting perspective? Or non-epistolary chapters? The central stories and characters are intriguing; they’re dynamic and act unexpectedly, and I was actually dying to hear more from them!!
Could have been the next great gay American novel but unfortunately lands as the next great gay American drivel.
Can we get another draft with shifting perspective? Or non-epistolary chapters? The central stories and characters are intriguing; they’re dynamic and act unexpectedly, and I was actually dying to hear more from them!!
Could have been the next great gay American novel but unfortunately lands as the next great gay American drivel.
dnf
November 12, 2025DNF p. 168: While I am sure I am in a steep reading slump I know that this book has been no help whatsoever. I was quite excited to read this, but upon reaching the halfway mark I had slowly come to realize that not much was changing here, especially our narrator.
September 25, 2025
As someone with clinically diagnosed OCD, I appreciated Varela doing his research because most portrayals of OCD get it wrong. I thought Varela’s portrayal was very accurate. This book is extremely well written, but I didn’t like the anecdotes about Varela’s opinions on social issues. If it only happened a few times, I could overlook it; however, a decent amount of this book is social commentary and it caused the rest of the book to seem unfocused.
I wouldn’t have enjoyed this book as much if I hadn’t listened to Varela explain his thought process on the Gays Reading podcast. Yes, the main character is whiny and annoying, but that’s how people who are going through heartbreak can be. Yes, he’s telling the same story constantly but it’s relatable. Heartbreak can be all consuming. Sometimes we aren’t the best versions of ourselves and we are exasperating when going through heartbreak. That’s the human condition. Overall, I enjoyed this read and this book won’t be for everyone, but I am glad to have a story featuring a gay man in his 40s.
I wouldn’t have enjoyed this book as much if I hadn’t listened to Varela explain his thought process on the Gays Reading podcast. Yes, the main character is whiny and annoying, but that’s how people who are going through heartbreak can be. Yes, he’s telling the same story constantly but it’s relatable. Heartbreak can be all consuming. Sometimes we aren’t the best versions of ourselves and we are exasperating when going through heartbreak. That’s the human condition. Overall, I enjoyed this read and this book won’t be for everyone, but I am glad to have a story featuring a gay man in his 40s.
October 12, 2025
The unnamed narrator in this book seemingly has it all. He has a husband who loves him, albeit with a few flaws that I can actually forgive him for if I were to compare him with the narrator. They have two children that seem like great people with great futures. And, he has a younger boyfriend that he just recently broke up with. Yes, it's a book about a polyamorous relationship that attempts to normalize love and relationships beyond the normative couple dynamic. But quite frankly, the polyamory is the least interesting aspect of this book.
So if I were to read this as simply a fictional narrative, this fails to deliver. The book is told through the narrator's letters to his therapist as he unpacks his broken relationship with his boyfriend, but it reads as incredibly tedious and self-aggrandizing. This character is just full of red flags. He attempts to be reflective in his letters about his own faults, but most of it comes off as observational with a lack of any follow through. Even the therapist is annoyed and asks him not to actually email all of these letters. It's too much. He's insufferable. And through all of this, his husband and children are simply the most supportive people in the world, I'm amazed they don't get more upset at the narrator. While I appreciate a more realistic look at what does and doesn't work in a polyamorous relationship (people are messy, relationships are messy), it's lackluster at best.
Now, if I decided to interpret this as a collection of essays with reflections on various issues in the world, it could have some merits to it. But unfortunately, the narrator's faults are too much to really appreciate some of the real world observations.
So if I were to read this as simply a fictional narrative, this fails to deliver. The book is told through the narrator's letters to his therapist as he unpacks his broken relationship with his boyfriend, but it reads as incredibly tedious and self-aggrandizing. This character is just full of red flags. He attempts to be reflective in his letters about his own faults, but most of it comes off as observational with a lack of any follow through. Even the therapist is annoyed and asks him not to actually email all of these letters. It's too much. He's insufferable. And through all of this, his husband and children are simply the most supportive people in the world, I'm amazed they don't get more upset at the narrator. While I appreciate a more realistic look at what does and doesn't work in a polyamorous relationship (people are messy, relationships are messy), it's lackluster at best.
Now, if I decided to interpret this as a collection of essays with reflections on various issues in the world, it could have some merits to it. But unfortunately, the narrator's faults are too much to really appreciate some of the real world observations.
September 27, 2025
3 stars. I love an insufferable narrator, even better when they are going through a breakup. I found myself very annoyed but like that’s also how I act when I’m infatuated with somebody so I can’t say I blame him. He’s going through a breakup and instead of reaching out, is drafting emails to him. Some parts of the book were fun, I just didn’t see exactly where they fit in with the story and therefore, felt it could’ve been shorter. Overall, never read a book in this format and found it interesting and fun. As always, thank you Viking Penguin for the earc.
November 24, 2025
More of a 3.5, admittedly. I saw some fellow reviewers recommend that this would have been a better novella, and I fully agree: its length just wasn’t fully justified to me. I found myself a bit annoyed with the narrator in the middle as the story didn’t feel like it was building and his personality was increasingly grating. Varela’s writing, though, continues to amaze me, and I’ll read anything he publishes.
November 17, 2025
I was hoping to get some insight as to why some people choose polyamory as a lifestyle choice.. I was wrong, it is mainly focused on a self absorbed gay man who, at times is truly insufferable!
October 7, 2025
3.75 ⭐️ maybe if they actually did all spoon together the book would be too short
September 13, 2025
so funny, smart, and honest!! my bestie helped edit this book and it shows ☺️
August 7, 2025
Actually this is more of a 2.5. I’m sure people will perhaps love this but this book was not for me. While I enjoyed the story it’s the writing style that annoyed me more than anything. The story is about a “thruple” hence the title Middle Spoon and the three pillows on the cover”. The entire book, per the extremely neurotic character’s therapist, is emails. The emails are to Ben, the recently joined third partner to an otherwise happily married couple with two children. The emails are actually never sent to Ben. They serve as the therapy the neurotic boyfriend used to deal with his feelings towards Ben. I say “boyfriend “ because each email starts with “ Ben” and is only ever signed as “Me”. The entire book is one sided. Some emails included things that happened so it’s almost like Ben is responding but in actuality he never does. If this was a traditional novel, with characters that interacted, with language, emotion, conversation etc I would have enjoyed it much more. Instead it was entirely one sided by someone that remained nameless for the entire book. The same for his husband . This was super frustrating for me and somewhat took away from my enjoying it. It got to the point where I just wanted the emails to end. Sorry.
July 22, 2025
I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily. This was a most enjoyable read and I was actually laughing at many parts. There are some heart wrenching moments too but I must say the plot is genius either way. A man has a husband, kids, but also a younger boyfriend. When he’s dumped he absolutely spirals and basically what reads as letters to his ex, provide us a look into his mindset. There are many relatable tidbits in this book which makes it such an endearing read.
September 9, 2025
I absolutely adored this book and will be buying a hard copy for my bookshelf! Alejandro Varela's writing is so gripping and relatable showing someone processing grief in real time. It was lovely to read a story with a normalized polyamorous plot since that representation is not prioritized in our society. Our main character is smart, successful, and has a picture perfect family. Although, he also is grieving a breakup with his boyfriend Ben. I loved his stream of consciousness/talk processing, as a talk processor myself. I also truly enjoyed the truth injected into the letters of not only the MC's grief with his relationship ending and dissonance with his friends and family, but also grief with US, societal, and cultural issues as a whole. It provided a very real lens of how we have to hold space for the immediate pains as well as the greater pains of living in an imperfect world that desperately needs change.
As a lighthearted note, the MC (technically author) made me look up more words than I ever have before while reading this book. Some words, I still think were made up specifically for this book. 😂 But I absolutely loved it and am so much smarter now. Thank you Alejandro for wooing me with big words like tergiversation, redolent, mendacity, intransigence, vaunted, logorrheic, vicissitudes, remunerate, sybarites, insouciantly, insalubrious, and probably so many more.
Thank you to NetGalley and Viking Penguin for the arc of this book! I received a complimentary copy of this book. Opinions expressed in this review are completely my own.
As a lighthearted note, the MC (technically author) made me look up more words than I ever have before while reading this book. Some words, I still think were made up specifically for this book. 😂 But I absolutely loved it and am so much smarter now. Thank you Alejandro for wooing me with big words like tergiversation, redolent, mendacity, intransigence, vaunted, logorrheic, vicissitudes, remunerate, sybarites, insouciantly, insalubrious, and probably so many more.
Thank you to NetGalley and Viking Penguin for the arc of this book! I received a complimentary copy of this book. Opinions expressed in this review are completely my own.
November 23, 2025
“This, too, might be Reagan’s fault.”
There’s something about the voice of Alejandro Varela’s unnamed narrator that so perfectly captures a specific kind of anxious progressive millennial doom-spiral brain that I know all too well— the knowledge of broken systems around you, the understanding of how those systems have failed and profited you, the realization that everything you say about this sounds more and more insufferable, the inability to stop saying it. This narrator suffers from a perfect storm of complete self-awareness and a complete LACK of self-awareness, which I couldn’t help but relate to through each instance of talking something to death, each Greenberg-esque meandering communiqué to corporate entities who couldn’t care less. It’s wry and all-seeing and solipsistic and desperately trying not to be solipsistic. In short, this book is a messy chronicle of someone who realizes he is “the perpetual private investigator who’d been contracted to prove that [he] was destined to be unhappy”— someone who is struggling, and often failing, to break free from the ruminations that consume him. 4.5
There’s something about the voice of Alejandro Varela’s unnamed narrator that so perfectly captures a specific kind of anxious progressive millennial doom-spiral brain that I know all too well— the knowledge of broken systems around you, the understanding of how those systems have failed and profited you, the realization that everything you say about this sounds more and more insufferable, the inability to stop saying it. This narrator suffers from a perfect storm of complete self-awareness and a complete LACK of self-awareness, which I couldn’t help but relate to through each instance of talking something to death, each Greenberg-esque meandering communiqué to corporate entities who couldn’t care less. It’s wry and all-seeing and solipsistic and desperately trying not to be solipsistic. In short, this book is a messy chronicle of someone who realizes he is “the perpetual private investigator who’d been contracted to prove that [he] was destined to be unhappy”— someone who is struggling, and often failing, to break free from the ruminations that consume him. 4.5
September 19, 2025
“We remained that way for an eternity, maybe a minute, an interval that was, depending on the assessor and the moment it was assessed, either endless or fleeting.”
Alejandro Varela’s Middle Spoon is a tender, incisive chronicle of a three-way relationship, capturing the delicate balance between intimacy, longing, and the weight of societal expectations. Written as a letter, the form initially feels difficult to sink into but soon becomes its greatest strength, making the story feel confessional, reflective, and disarmingly honest. Varela deftly threads themes of race, privilege, and queerness through the story, showing how external pressures shape love’s evolution. The result is a nuanced portrait of connection that is as thought-provoking as it is deeply felt.
Alejandro Varela’s Middle Spoon is a tender, incisive chronicle of a three-way relationship, capturing the delicate balance between intimacy, longing, and the weight of societal expectations. Written as a letter, the form initially feels difficult to sink into but soon becomes its greatest strength, making the story feel confessional, reflective, and disarmingly honest. Varela deftly threads themes of race, privilege, and queerness through the story, showing how external pressures shape love’s evolution. The result is a nuanced portrait of connection that is as thought-provoking as it is deeply felt.
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