Kadian Journal: A Father's Story

by Thomas Harding

In July 2012 Thomas Harding's fourteen-year-old son Kadian was killed in a bicycle accident. Shortly afterwards Thomas began to write. This book is the result.

Beginning on the day of Kadian's death, and continuing to the year anniversary, and beyond, Kadian Journal is a record of grief in its rawest form, and of a mind in shock and questioning a strange new reality. Interspersed within the journal are fragments of memory: jewel-bright everyday moments that slowly combine to form a biography of a lost son, and a lost life.

It is an extraordinary document, and several things at once: a lucid, raw, and startlingly brave book: a powerful and moving account of a father's grief, and a beautiful tribute to an exceptional son.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Grief

256 pages, Hardcover

First published June 22, 2014

About the author

Thomas Harding is a bestselling author whose books have been translated into more than 20 languages. He has written for the Sunday Times, the Washington Post and the Guardian, among other publications.

He is the author of HANNS AND RUDOLF which won the JQ-Wingate Prize for Non-Fiction; THE HOUSE BY THE LAKE, which was shortlisted for the Costa Biography Award; and BLOOD ON THE PAGE which won the Crime Writers’ Association “Golden Dagger Award for Non-Fiction”. For all his books, reviews and updates, go to thomasharding.com and follow him on X/ twitter @thomasharding

Reviews

[Kirsty · Rating 3 out of 5]

Harding's reflection on grief, after his only son, Kadian, is killed in a freak cycling accident, opens on that pivotal day. The family are cycling in the Wiltshire countryside, when he is killed; of witnessing the accident, Harding writes: 'He's suddenly way ahead of me. A hundred feet perhaps. He must have gathered speed. And then there's a flash of a white van, moving fast from left to right, at the bottom of the slope. It shouldn't be there. And the van hits Kadian. Driving him away from view, away from me.'

Much of the memoir uses this choppy narrative style, which works very well to describe the accident and its aftermath, but is not so effective at other times. For the most part, Harding's prose is both heartfelt and very matter-of-fact; the latter made me feel rather detached from the whole. It felt, at times, as though I was intruding upon somebody's personal diary, which I had no right to read. There was no real sense that Kadian Journal was meant for a general readership; it felt too raw, in many ways. Harding also uses rather a lot of repetition unnecessarily, which I did find wearing after a while. Kadian Journal is a nice tribute to a lost son, but it did not always plunge the depths or the despair which I would have expected from such a book.

[Trevor Cornwell · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is is the most personal and tragic of stories. And while I shake when I tell the story, I read Kadian Journal in 5 straight hours of tears and wonderment. Thomas lets the wonder of his boy come through. Thomas Harding sets a rare and high standard for writing. The pain of the story is intertwined with the joy and originality of Kadian. He reveals his own bereavement and hurt that is courageous in its honesty. At the end what Thomas Harding says seems true: it is a shared loss for the world is less without this magical boy. It is a book that it felt unfair to keep in my own hands because the spirit of Kadian demands that we shoulder through this together and do what his sister insists from the start--that we live life with meaning and purpose to respect the life of Kadian.

[K · Rating 5 out of 5]

So profoundly sad and beautiful; an important memoir about a father's grief.

[Gayle Lucka · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is about my nephew, my brother-in-law and my sister. Very dear to my heart. I love them so much and Thomas does an excellent job of telling their story. Miss you Kadian! Auntie Gayle

[Tim · Rating 5 out of 5]

Phenomenal, poignant and emotionally intelligent discourse on grief.

[Lynne Anderson · Rating 5 out of 5]

http://bit.ly/2fBDIpC

[Marco Spiteri · Rating 5 out of 5]

Heartbreaking and yet wonderfully poetic. A description of the pain of death and the equally painful process of healing. Loss and hope intermingle in a dance that lasts a lifetime.

[Christopher Jones · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautiful ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[Martha Spear · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very touching and sad. Being a mother I felt a little like this young man was too good to be real and made me wonder what it was that I hadn't done with my child.

[Cindy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I like reading memoirs; sometimes about people I am familiar with, sometimes about people involved in events I am familiar with, sometimes grief journeys. However, what first prompted me to pick up 'Kadian Journal' was the fact that the author's name is the exact same as my husband's. I was not disappointed in my selection. Thomas Harding eloquently tells the story of his son's untimely death. His grief and self-incrimination are palpable. I expected the story to be set entirely in England as Thomas Harding is English, but found that Thomas and his family lived for some time within about a 4 hour drive of where I live, in fact in an area I recently visited. I most enjoyed his critiques of some of the books on the market designed to help one through loss and grief. I also enjoyed hearing his thoughts on expressions commonly utilized to sympathize with the bereaved. As a parent/grandparent who appreciates the loss of a child being their worst nightmare, I understand why Harding felt like he was no longer even competent to make parental decisions and questioned his responsibility for his son's death. Blessedly, I have never experienced the trauma and grief that Harding did, but his year-long journal exploring the nuances of the loss of his son Kadian profoundly impacted me. I believe this book would be excellent reading for someone experiencing this journey or trying to help friend or family navigate the journey of the loss of a child.

[Arul · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very sad & emotional read. If you want a good cry, you should read this. "Kadian Journal" is a tremendously heart-breaking bereavement of Thomas Harding, who lost his son in a bicycle accident he witnessed on 25 July 2012. The scores of pages are leaden with a riot of emotions that celebrate life & mourn loss. I found myself blurry-eyed at many instances. The love, despair & bitterness was all too profoundly expressed between father & son & the memories they shared together.

Harding writes "The heartache will always be there, I will have to learn to live my life with it, to grow around it, like a tree grows roots around a cold, inert boulder, always there, always present." Truly,
"...death steals everything but our stories"-Adela Winfield.

[Richard · Rating 5 out of 5]

An extraordinarily brave account of close, personal, familial grief from the perspective of the Father about the death of his own son.

I was slightly daunted by the premise of the book, but found the account and the style of writing so compelling I couldn't put it down. It left me at times in tears of empathetic grief, and other times with a broad smile of joy at recognising the progress and clarity of mind and purpose being described.

[Robin Harris · Rating 5 out of 5]

Raw, honest emotion from a bereaved father. Searing and painful to read, but incredibly powerful and necessary. Thanks for sharing your story.

I salute you Sir.

[Tina Badley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Harrowing account of a father's grief yet sprinkled with beautiful moments & glimpses of close family life. It brought me to tears & yet left me feeling uplifted. Kadian will live on in my life too.

[Jennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Emotionally heart wrenching.