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Please don't read this book or this review if you are suffering from depression or suicidal ideation. Please reach out to someone for help. You aren't alone.
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Emma spends 228 pages of this 239 page book wanting to, planning to, and practicing how to complete suicide by self-immolation.
One page 8, she reads an essay out loud to her class that describes in graphic detail what will happen to her when she does it.
On page 209 she douses herself in gasoline, still ready and planning to carry out this act. On page 224 another student texts her, saying that she understands, and she wants to kill herself the same way.
This might the only reason that Emma does not light the fire. By page 229, she agonizes, saying into a live stream camera, "I want to do this... I've been planning it for months... I freaking practiced for it." But she has only just realized that her actions would inspire others to follow her path, and she remembers her own pain after her sister's suicide. She briefly tells her disturbingly large audience that there's still hope and people can make a change (it's one paragraph on page 231), tells her classmate not to do it, and ends the livestream.
She's only kept in the hospital overnight. She isn't held for her own safety. The conflict seems to be over, just like that. She's "hopeful" and "alive."
I find this book to be dangerous and irresponsible. I lost a family member to suicide. I have been in treatment for major depressive disorder since I was 11, and I have experienced suicidal ideation. I don't think the authors treated the subject with as much care as they should have.
For honesty's sake, I only fully read the beginning, a few sections in the middle, and the end of this book (maybe 50% total). I was shocked by the content, and after I read the first few chapters, I skimmed ahead to find out how long it took for Emma to get help or stop wanting to kill herself. It took until almost the very end. Ten pages out of 239. I read a bit along the way, and there are some hints that she's hesitating and scared to carry it out, but she goes as far as burning her arm at school and putting out videos explaining why she's going to do it and inviting the internet to watch a live stream of her suicide. Every person in her life failed her, and we do see that failure: a school counselor who should have taken the threat more seriously, school officials afraid of losing money, a father who doesn't provide any help, other students who also don't take it as seriously as they should. She's failed at the end too, in an entirely unrealistic way, because I'm pretty sure she'd face a mandatory hold after a suicide attempt that extreme, but in the book, she just tells everyone she's fine and no one seems worried that she'd try again.
If this book had been 10 pages of a suicidal girl planning her death and 200+ pages of getting help and finding hope, as messy as it could be, with all the backsliding and bad days that come with recovery, that would be one thing. There is a content warning in the beginning that says, "Please be aware that this book contains multiple references to suicide, suicidal ideation, self-harm, and depression." In the author's note on page 241 Patterson provides links to websites that provide help and education. I don't think that's enough. All the work Emma does is towards fulfilling her goal until it just isn't and she's suddenly hopeful. She doesn't learn any tools that could help her through the next downward spiral, and we aren't given any reason to believe that she will seek help and learn those tools. Her support system is still broken, and she still exists in the world with all the same problems she's been talking about.
Maybe this book just triggered something in me, that scared teenage girl who didn't see any other way out and the scared adult woman who also feels hopeless in the world and wants to make a difference. I don't experience suicidal ideation anymore, but my mental health is a battle I've never stopped fighting. The end of our stories is never as neat as it can be in books, and with a topic like this... Maybe I'm wrong. But I hated this book.