A oscuras

Into Darkness #1

by Navessa Allen, Xavier Beltrán Palomino (Translator)

Tu próxima obsesión es un hombre enmascarado con un sentido del humor tan oscuro como los planes que tiene para ti.
Adéntrate en la el libro que ha revolucionado BookTok: una comedia romántica oscura con una química eléctrica y una historia de amor como nunca has visto antes.
¿Te atreves a apagar la luz?

La enfermera Alyssa Cappellucci no necesita más fetiches. De hecho, con su favorito le basta: no hay nada como los hombres enmascarados a los que sigue online. Y, aunque a menudo fantasea con encontrarse a uno esperándola en su dormitorio, jamás se habría imaginado que bastaría un mensaje para hacerlo realidad.
Joshua Hammond se ha pasado la vida escondiéndose, pero su identidad en redes es otra cosa: allí se pone una máscara y publica vídeos para sus millones de fans. Sin embargo, una seguidora en particular le ha llamado la atención: Aly.
Aly y Josh se dedican a explorar sus anhelos más ocultos mientras una amenaza inesperada se cierne sobre ellos... Y, a medida que la tensión aumenta, Josh deberá preguntarse si está dispuesto a salir a la luz por la única mujer a la que le obsesiona la oscuridad tanto como a él.

Genres: Dark Romance, Romance, Audiobook, Dark, Spicy, Stalker, Smut

480 pages, Paperback

First published February 14, 2024

About the author

Navessa Allen lives on a 200-year-old farm in rural New England with her husband, their cats, and an assorted collection of farm animals.

To keep up with her latest projects, check out her Patreon Page or subscribe to her website.

Reviews

[manas · Rating 2 out of 5]

➳ treacherous work ☆

characters = mid. setting = mid. plot = mid. writing = mid. insta love = obviously. concept = mid. development = mid. cover = mid. smut = the only thing present and VERY mid. pacing = piss poor. my braincells = completely gone. my want to read this book = i need to stop doing this to myself.

i am a hater ass bitch, you guys already know this. since this as a rating of 4.31. take this entire review with a BUCKET of salt.

you know when you see someone and think they have worms for brains... this is the book equivalent of that. ALL hype, NO substance.

➼ hello, boobs. i’ve missed you. men should NOT be allowed to open their mouths…

the only reason i got through the book was because jacob morgan narrated it. which my fatass just realized that he and zach webber are the same person??? this is a talent i will never acquire.

➺ aly—she was so monotonous & puerile. i am sorry to say but first—she does not speak like a nurse, and second—does not speak like a grown woman. i could not tell you a single thing about her character or her personality besides being obsessed with a masked man and having a damn cat. where are her motivations?? her desires?? (besides sex), insecurities?? i am not age shaming, trust i am not. however, i will NEVER understand when authors write grown ass adults and make them converse like children. this was truly the epitome of wattpad Y/N self insert. except shocker, she's tall this time! her deportment made me shrivel up and die.

➺ josh—he is every single "dark romance" guy ever. i just felt nothing for him and aly. he had even less of a personality and had absolutely no monologue/prose beside thoughts of fucking her. this was superficial and so damn weird. the smut was BAD. don't get me wrong, i don't mind smut, and i would never make fun of it. in this novel, the author took all the "tropes" and tried to replicate popular books. he is SO obsessed with her, of course he is. if you ask me what they know about each other? i have no clue. guess what? neither do they. this man was jejune, sweet? (that is very questionable), horny (of course), and made me feel all the disconcertment. zach's deep ass voice reciting his cringy ass dialogue... i was holding back tears. pack it up king.

while there is nothing incoherently erroneous, this was just a load of blather. arrant tomfoolery if you ask me. it's time to put this mask play shit behind us, as not every author knows how to execute this concept well. i don't think i was the target demographic for this book.

[shanayaa · Rating 1 out of 5]

➳ 1/5 stars

₊⊹⁀➴“I didn’t want him morally grey. I wanted someone with a soul as black as night. Someone who would burn the world down for me and not lose a single minute of sleep over it."

Okay, first of all, tell me which h*rny teenager wrote this? Because seriously, what even was this smh 🤦🏻‍♀

• The story? Non-existent.
• The characters? A mess.
• The smut? Beyond cringy.
• the chemistry? Hell nah.
• The plot? Wait… there was a plot?!

And don’t even get me started on the writing because, honestly, I’m so pissed. How did this book even get such high ratings? Did we all read the same thing? Because the math ain't mathing lmaoo 😭✋🏻

The main character, Aly, is just… clueless. She literally lets a masked stranger break into her house, and instead of, you know, calling the cops, she invites him in. From there, everything escalates way too quickly. Next thing you know, she’s "in love" with him. And the love interest, Josh? Total cliché dark romance guy who thinks it’s cool to stalk, manipulate, and gaslight. The obsession he has for her comes out of nowhere, and instead of feeling intense, it just felt creepy and unrealistic.

The writing was painfully bad. The dialogue was awkward, and half the things they said made me cringe. Aly's whole personality boiled down to lifting, having a cat, and obsessing over Josh, and I just couldn’t deal with it. This book felt like it was trying way too hard to be edgy, but it missed the mark entirely.

I so badly wanted to love this book because I had heard so much hype about it, but wow, it failed miserably. And the only reason I even gave it a star was because of the narrators. They were the only thing that made this even remotely tolerable. If I could rate it lower, trust me, I would.

⚘ "Overall, if you enjoy cringy dialogues, insta-love that makes no sense, and characters with the decision-making skills of a brick, then this book might just be your thing! But let’s be real, don’t fall for the hype. This book didn’t deserve even half of it, and I stand by that 100%." 💌

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

౨ৎ pre-read:
⤿ started - january 23, 2025

I’ve had this book sitting around forever, and hyped books always make me nervous lmaooo! 😭🫸🏻 but im desperately hoping it's as good as folks say 🤞🏻💋

[Miranda Reads · Rating 4 out of 5]

“I need so much more therapy than I’m currently getting.”

Aly. Was. Hooked. from the very second she scrolled across the masked man on her feed. His mere presence suggested danger and sex, and she wanted more.

Soon she found herself seeking out his suggestive videos and daydreaming about all the things he could do to her.

“Goddamn it. He was going to be my undoing, wasn't he?”

Josh had a rather...unusual...childhood seeing as he was the only son of a notable serial killer. And while he's always dabbled with darkness, he chose (time and time again) to walk a different path from his father.

That's not to say that he doesn't toe the line with some of his darker impulses - he may engage in some light stalking and thirst trapping on the internet but why not? It's not harming anyone.

But then Aly makes an offhand comment about wishing for him (as his masked alter ego) to break into her home and ravish her...well...it would be rude not to, right?

“I didn’t want him morally grey. I wanted someone with a soul as black as night.”

Whelp. I will never be telling anyone I know in real life that I read this one...in a single day.

I'm not normally one for dark romances but this one got to me. Seriously. Wow.

What really helped me get into this story is that we see both perspectives - and the main characters constantly and consistently express both enthusiastic consent AND genuine excitement about their relationship.

And yes, there is a lot of spicy scenes, and some of them are quite...unusual...but regardless of how the scenes play out, you still can see that the characters care for each other and are having a good time.

To me, that's a good hallmark for a dark romance. I can't enjoy books where the characters don't have basic respect for each other or take sexual advantage.

Even when Josh does the "stalking" of Aly, she speaks to him about how hot she finds that and how much she wants him to do similar things.

And I also appreciated how there was an actual plot accompanying all of these wild sex scenes, and the plot was genuinely enjoyable as well. I didn't know where things were going but gosh dang I wanted to find out!

Overall, this was a wildly good ride.

Ps. That audiobook? To die for. Seriously. I'm dead.

[Ayman · Rating 4 out of 5]

i know this is problematic to say but if someone is gonna stalk and break into my house, let it only be this way. (referring to him buying me security cameras, adopting my cat [my child], and cherishing me endlessly. and not being a psychopath) 🫠

ok i know this ain’t everyone’s cup of tea but reading this book felt like reading Vinnie Hacker’s tiktok comment section and i’m not fucking complaining. this book is the only tiktok-afied book i recognize in existence. if fact, i want all dark romance books written this way. i haven’t had a good laugh in a while and mama is tired. 😪

Josh…oh he's so unreal it's not even funny. thanks to him and his humor this book was laugh out loud funny. many times i was giggling into my closed fist while reading this on my bed at 3am. the way this man is everything i want in a man… somebody sedate me. i need a carbon copy 3-D version of this man, first class delivered to my doorstep immediately before i pull the trigger!! Raw raw raw or whatever Lady Gaga said.😖

and i much appreciate our fmc, Aly here wasn’t no meek fragile thing i often read about in this sub genre. she works out ok? and her thought process made me feel normal. i found out a lot about myself reading this. excuse me while i cry myself to sleep and take a shot of bleach. ☺️✨

not gonna lie, this book could’ve been 50 pages shorter. like if we’re happy and in love fucking end it? respectfully. and give me the epilogue dammit. the epilogue in question was also heavenly to say the least. ANOTHER ONE THANK YOU

[SK · Rating 3 out of 5]

A decent entertaining read but could have been better had it just stuck to simple stuff.

Read if you like-
✔️ Butcher and Blackbird
✔️ Haunting Adeline (but this is a much milder version comparatively)
✔️ Masked stalker
✔️ "Touch her and die"
✔️ Some delicious spice (4/5🌶)

I liked the first half of the book more as it was light hearted (yes even for a dark romance). It was more focused on the romance and good spice, which is what I wanted. Then the second half kinda lost me as the whole mafia thing came across as trying too hard.

The two main characters had good banter and sizzling chemistry. Aly is a trauma nurse, I liked reading about her work life. Josh is a complex character, and definitely a hottie. But these two are not my favorites. My favorite character was hands down- Fred the cat. I loved his adorable self and also how the two characters parented him.

The pacing dragged in the second half and imo the plot didn't really need that. It could have easily been a 270-80 pages book 🤷‍♀️

Do check out trigger warnings before reading. Overall, a fun spicy read.

~•~•~
Dark stalker rom com? Let's give it a go 👀

[chloé (slumping) · Rating 3 out of 5]

i’m not going to judge you for your mask kink, girly pop. 🙂‍↔️ go off, he’s hot.

good chemistry. great banter. even better cat dad.

my biggest problem is that the second half of this book fell off. it felt like the author tried to combine two books and two very different plots into one? it didn’t even feel like the same story once we hit the halfway point?? it was just… weird.

first half was so fun, though. i wish it had just stayed on that storyline and focused on the relationship more than everything else that happened.

this probably shouldn’t have been longer than 300 pages and should’ve stuck to being simple but well done.

[Navessa]

When you post one silly video on TikTok about a book idea, and BookTok blows it up, so you end up having to write it...

[Ashleigh · Rating 1 out of 5]

There is no way this book has a 4.5 rating. Y’all are a bunch of liars 😂 getting to chapter 7 was a CHORE!

[Sania · Rating 1 out of 5]

Horny nurse discovers tiktok horror porn

[Teresa González · Rating 1 out of 5]

how does this have a rating of 4.31?!? It has to be a joke, right?
DID WE READ THE SAME BOOK BESTIES?

[Larissa Cambusano · Rating 4 out of 5]

for a stalker romance this was surprisingly so funny

[Heather Mclarry · Rating 5 out of 5]

Should I be ashamed by how much I loved this audiobook??? Good thing IDGAF !!!!!!!

[Marianna Moore · Rating 1 out of 5]

I’m too neurodivergent to understand the concept of how a man making thirst traps on TikTok can simultaneously make people laugh.

I didn’t chuckle

[kenzy · Rating 1 out of 5]

oh how i hate booktok

[Ali Lockhart · Rating 4 out of 5]

A super normal guy with zero red flags films a bunch of fetish content for the internet because sex work is work, y’all. One of his biggest fans is a trauma nurse, who has an incredibly stressful job so whatever she needs to do to de-stress is fine by me no judgment. A little harmless flirtation turns into semi-consensual stalking but in like, a really sweet way? Like he buys her food and heats up her car and her cat likes him? I was unprepared for how bizarrely, darkly funny this book was, and I wish I could bottle it to take out and whiff during bad times. It’s not perfect — the last 20% dropped the ball for me with all the mafia stuff and word repetition (no book needs word “yowl” 22 times)— but it’s very good, if you’re into this sort of thing (you are). Who cares if it’s not really convincing that these two have feelings for each other aside from pure, unbridled lust? You’re only young once; bang the mask guy from Scream.

Full notes/highlights on Patreon ⬇️

https://www.patreon.com/posts/1165203...

[Krisha · Rating 1 out of 5]

I'm really disappointed because I don't get the hype. Nothing happens for the first 200 pages and then out of nowhere, the mafia plot is thrown. The author probably realised halfway through, that she forgot to add the plot and chose to throw on us whatever she could come up with and saw fit.

It's a good thing, I did the audio version, otherwise I couldn't stand this book. The audio made it bearable.

➳ Plot (1/5)
➳ Spice (3/5)
➳ Audiobook (5/5)

Do with that what you will. I don't even feel like writing a full review, I'm THAT disappointed.

[LV · Rating 1 out of 5]

This is what happens when you give an empty college-ruled notebook to a bored 16 year old who should be paying attention in class.

[astarion's bhaal babe (wingspan matters) · Rating 4 out of 5]

“I don’t need another kink.”

feel you, sis.


THIS WAS ACTUALLY PRETTY GOOD????

(rtc)

[Emmy Rosam · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 ⭐️ The audio book was SO fun (Josh is now one of my new favourite characters) I just think it could have wrapped up around the 70% mark!

[T.S · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.00 ☆

Naurr, because navessa allen put her entire navesussy into this!!❗😭 why was this actually so good?! from laughing to giggling, to blushing, to sweating in places i didn’t know i could sweat, this book felt like hitting the pentagon and i absolutely loved it! imagine a man with golden retriever vibes who wears a mask and stalks the girl he likes. now lord, please help me! 🙏 because if you squint your eyes as hard as you can and look closely at the beginning of this book, you can see self-respect leaving my body for this man.


anyway, this story follows josh and ally and is told from a dual pov. josh is this masked figure online who hides behind a mask and posts thirst trap videos on tt. ally, a trauma nurse, loves them. when josh finds out that ally is a fan, he decides he should stalk her.

↳ Josh
now, since the very fucking beginning, all of josh's red flags looked very much green to me. 😎 you can’t expect me to ever hate on a 6-foot sociopath masked stalker who breaks into her house just to refill her fridge, then breaks into her car to give her a ride home after seeing she had a bad shift at work. fuck no. i knew the moment he put a camera in her room to watch her but turned it off when she needed privacy, that if approached me i would fold instantly. he's so babygirl and funny! 😂 did someone inform him he's supposed to be scary?! his character development was written so well i honestly wouldn’t have finished this book if it weren’t for him. he gorilla-sealed held this book together.🥳

↳ Aly
she was okay i guess . aly is not one of those fmcs i can say i loved, cheered for, or felt related to. i liked her with josh and their banter, but as an individual, i didn’t really like her. i hated the fact that she wanted josh only for sex. she would say the most gen z things, and it made my eyes twitch . i didn't really feel connected to her character or her past as i did with josh, but she was fine i just wish she was written with more depth and complexity like josh.

the second half of this book felt kinda random tho. like all of a sudden there was a mafia storyline that didn’t really connect to the first half. it was still fun to read but it felt like two different books put together. and for a dark romance, this one was pretty chill and actually funny. if you’re into dark romance but don’t want it too intense, with a splash of romcom vibes, you’d probably enjoy this one. it doesn’t go too heavy on the drama or angst.

also highly recommend the audiobook. the narrators killed it—especially jacob morgan.

Read if you like-

↦ Butcher and Blackbird
↦ Haunting Aldine
↦Masked Stalker
↦dark romcom
↦golden retriever mmc

overall, i really enjoyed this book. therapy bills are going to be sky-high next week! 🎉🥳🎉

[buket · Rating 3 out of 5]

50 years later i’ll be in a nursing home giving my last breath asking grim reaper to allow me to listen this man’s voice one more time so that i can go to heaven before he escorts me to hell for the books i’ve read

[Anna · Rating 1 out of 5]

I want the last 4 days of my life back kink

[ଘRory · Rating 5 out of 5]

★★★★★

OMG, I BINGED THIS BOOK LIKE IT WAS A NETFLIX SERIES AND I WAS UNEMPLOYED 😭🍿! Every. Single. Thing. Slayed me—the SPICE? Dead. The rom-com chaos? Ovaries in orbit . But let’s talk about Josh n Aly—WHY ARE THEY BOTH SO MESSY AND PERFECT?! The stalker tension? The morally grey glitter? THE WAY THEY MAKE CRIMES FEEL LIKE FLIRTING?! Ugh, inject this toxic-waste-dump-but-I’d-swim-in-it energy DIRECTLY INTO MY VEINS. 💉✨ Who needs therapy when you’ve got this book? 😂🔪

P.S. THIS BOOK HAD ME IN A CHOKEHOLD 😱💔—like, yes, the stalker vibes were electrifying(hello, veins pumping liquid adrenaline 🩸⚡), but low-key triggered my fight-or-flight from that time IRL 😅. NGL though? The way the story teases you with ‘is this toxic or just hot?’ had me sweating but also… kinda living? 😈✨ It’s like riding a rollercoaster made of red flags —terrifying, but you scream-laugh anyway. Fiction lets us flirt with danger without the trauma hangover, amirite? (Still gonna double-check my door locks tonight tho.)

my new bookstagram
💌roryepistolary@gmail.com
ʚɞ_____ʚɞ_____ʚɞ_____ʚɞ_____ʚɞ

↝𝗣𝗿𝗲-𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱:
the story is about my colleague—a hacker—who used to mock me nonstop. But it got creepier,he was stalking me too I’ll never forget when he said, “If I had your email or phone number, I’m going to follow you home.”

He sent me trapped links twice😑. Every time I saw one, panic hit me. I felt like he was lurking behind every notification. It terrified me so much 😭, I just… stopped interacting. No replies, no eye contact, nothing.

Now? I’m here, ready to dive into this mess 👩‍💻🌪️🌪️. Let’s go.

[♥︎ Heather ⚔ (Semi-Hiatus-attempting return) · Rating 4 out of 5]

˚☽˚.⋆ “𝓘 𝓭𝓲𝓭𝓷’𝓽 𝔀𝓪𝓷𝓽 𝓱𝓲𝓶 𝓶𝓸𝓻𝓪𝓵𝓵𝔂 𝓰𝓻𝓮𝔂. 𝓘 𝔀𝓪𝓷𝓽𝓮𝓭 𝓼𝓸𝓶𝓮𝓸𝓷𝓮 𝔀𝓲𝓽𝓱 𝓪 𝓼𝓸𝓾𝓵 𝓪𝓼 𝓫𝓵𝓪𝓬𝓴 𝓪𝓼 𝓷𝓲𝓰𝓱𝓽. 𝓢𝓸𝓶𝓮𝓸𝓷𝓮 𝔀𝓱𝓸 𝔀𝓸𝓾𝓵𝓭 𝓫𝓾𝓻𝓷 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝔀𝓸𝓻𝓵𝓭 𝓭𝓸𝔀𝓷 𝓯𝓸𝓻 𝓶𝓮 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓷𝓸𝓽 𝓵𝓸𝓼𝓮 𝓪 𝓼𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓵𝓮 𝓶𝓲𝓷𝓾𝓽𝓮 𝓸𝓯 𝓼𝓵𝓮𝓮𝓹 𝓸𝓿𝓮𝓻 𝓲𝓽.” ˚ ༘`✦ ˑ ִֶ 𓂃⊹

I might lower this to like 3.5 and not round up, but my initial thoughts are :

Not entirely sure what happened in the second half.

Weird.

Lots of edging.

Kinda hot and fun. - I think I enjoyed this more than B&BB. Working on a full review. ❤️‍🔥
‧˚₊꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

I can't seem to escape it... so now here I am... just gonna go ahead and read it. 👀

Going on this adventure with my love bug Lilly 👀🤭

The couple that slays together, stays together. 🔪😉

╰⪼ 💙Stalker/Masked Men
╰⪼ ☠️Dark Romance
╰⪼ 🖤Touch Her and Die
╰⪼ 💙He Falls First
╰⪼ ☠️Secret Identity
╰⪼ 🖤Soft Dom/BDSM Scenes
╰⪼ 💙Childhood Trauma
╰⪼ ☠️Red Flags Galore
╰⪼ 🖤Mafia Ties
╰⪼ 💙Primal Play
╰⪼ ☠️Dual POV

⋆✴︎˚｡⋆ Connect with me on Instagram ˗ˏˋ★‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹

[Yana · Rating 4 out of 5]

Yes yes yes, and guess what YES. Tbh this book made me question my own morals bc literally everything that Josh did was justified, I loved him from his first chapter. The story was there, the spice was there (could’ve been a bit more) AND no third act breakup 💁🏼‍♀️

[chan ☆ · Rating 3 out of 5]

this would probably be a good dark romance intro for a lot of people. the topics are dark but the romance is decidedly not. yeah there's mildly kinky sex & knife play but the dude is a total golden retriever.

i appreciated what this did. but i did get bored from about the 50% mark on. mostly because there was more focus on the sex than the relationship. maybe i'm the boring one? lol

[Maditales]

dnf lol

okay so I tried reading this because I kept seeing those audio book clips on tiktok and was like "okay I know this is dark romance. I am going into this with that in mind but I want to see if he is funny."

I COULD NOT DO IT
HE MAKES THIRST TRAPS NOOOOOO
I really tried and I even looked away from the mask thingy just so I could see if he was really funny and if the dialogue was fun but I just could not

[Gry ☾ · Rating 2 out of 5]

1.5★'s

this one should've been a dnf
this one should've been a dnf
this one should've been a dnf
this one should've been a dnf
this one should've been a dnf
this one should've been a dnf
this one should've been a dnf
this one should've been a dnf
this one should've been a dnf

Like go girl, give us nothing.
I have nothing overtly negative to say about this except the fact that it's completely unmemorable. Nothing stands out from the story. It's supposed to be dark romance, with thriller aspects, but it honestly just comes across as goofy. I can't tell you why I decided to suffer through it, but I really need to get better at dnf-ing unnecessary books.

Idk maybe I have myself to blame by going of booktok's recommendations. But if you ever see me pick up a book where the mmc is a tiktok thirst trap star ever again, please warn me. I do not need that kind of energy in my life.
____________
⌞Pre-read:⌝

I don't know what to expect with this one. Reading the subtitle makes me want to kms just a little bit... but I'm curious, so we'll see how this goes.🤭

[Sydney Books · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5* listen I HAD FUN but I feel like the pacing/plot got a little weird in the second half and I expected it to be much darker 🙃

[Jakob J. 🎃 · Rating 1 out of 5]

Listen. It was not my predetermined resolution to rain on anybody’s depraved parade. It comes as no surprise that ‘Dark Romance’ is not my new genre préféré.

I know ‘morally grey’ is all the rage. I can appreciate kink and have no issues with enjoying a safe release. The smut factor is not what snagged me. I read plenty of trashy horror of what would be considered lesser moral repute by the mainstream, but this unnecessarily lengthy and droning story was laborious, rambling slop.

Two mutual stalker gooners stalk and goon over each other for several chapters on ‘social media.’ It turns out the guy gooner is the hot tattooed son of a serial killer and a skilled hacker. (Sure). The girl gooner has familial mob ties. (Why not)? I was mostly checked out for the proceedings thereafter, but at least these outlandish characteristics were relevant, albeit in similarly outlandish ways.

It is my understanding that the alternating narration and dialogue were deliberately (and painfully) embarrassing, but everything was so inert that there was little at which to even drolly chuckle. Mundane details abound in excess. “I turned my car off and got out.” Why on earth would any author or editor read a line like this and decide that it was essential information to include in the final draft? What did she do next? Lock her car? Take her shoes off? Open the fridge and shut it and wonder to herself why she opened it in the first place? There was a hipster-lit genre of fiction spearheaded by a writer named Tao Lin in the 2010’s that focused on the nihilistic malaise endemic of the Millennial mindset. It was a choice to focus on the mundane and while not particularly interesting, it had a purpose in its depiction of twenty-something purposelessness. In Lights Out, descriptions like this are nothing more than more unnecessary words further bloating an already bloated book.

Furthermore, the frequent discussions with her own reproductive organs when Josh, the masked masterbator, said things that would land a less attractive man with a restraining order made the female protagonist sound perfectly imbecilic:

“I have no regrets about publicly claiming you.”
“Oh god. No, vagina, do not quiver at that. Damn it. Not you too, ovaries.”

Scolding one’s genitalia like a puppy shitting on the rug for reacting to something is a brand of humor with plenty of history in boner comedies (“Down boy! Bad Penis!”), but trying to convey that there was any genuine conflict about where this was heading was a waste of time. There was no tension here. She was already responding to his thirst traps. It needn’t be strung along.

Another vexatious habit of this author is the non-descriptive. Several mentions of ‘social media,’ and things like the following that are the equivalent of a blurred out logo on T.V.:
“Our city’s team had made the final round of playoffs.”
Who is ‘our city’s team,’ and more importantly, who the hell talks like this?

I’m not trying to pile on an already maligned popular form of escapism, but the quality of writing was just too wanting to even get into the meat and bones of what turned into some kind of murder-mobster-hacker pile of boring nonsense. The discourse surrounding booktok and the state of modern literature has been raging for some time, but a broader scope of that will have to wait. I owe it to myself as a practitioner of the written word to not write anything off prima facie, but now I have stepped into the world of so-called ‘Dark Romance,’ and I’m backing up into the topiary like Homer Simpson’s meme. Suffice it to say, I was not well-suited to this. It was at least sixty-three percent longer than it needed to be and it will not earn my ‘Masculine sound of approval.’ (That was another line used more than once in this book).