I cannot emphasize how much the music featured in this book has impacted my life and personality. As a kid, my dad exposed me to niche 90s bluegrass/rock/folk alternative and Christian bands along with Johnny Cash, Fleetwood Mac, and other classics, notably expanding into Mumford and Sons, Fall Out Boy and more as I got older. I will never forget when he deemed me old enough to listen to “Little Lion Man” despite the prominent use of the F word, inspiring in me a love for music of all kinds that was pretty counter-culture to the experiences of my fellow private Christian school kids. Being involved in dance also exposed me to genres of all kinds - hearing “Heads Will Roll” by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, “Terrible Things” by Mayday Parade, and “Cath” by Death Cab for Cutie for the first time in the studio stand out to me as particularly life changing. It only took me a few years to realize that I didn’t really like dancing itself that much, I just wanted to listen to music really loud and react to with my whole self.
I started exploring my own music taste in around 2012, when I was able to access Pandora’s “Indie” and “Alternative” radio stations. From the years of 2012-2015, this defined my music experience, with Passion Pit, M83, Phoenix, Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, Florence and the Machine, along with Mumford and Sons, The Lumineers, Fleet Foxes, and Passenger.
When I moved to Spotify in early high school, I found an obsessive bent for playlist making amidst what was probably an era of mild depression. I would spend the hours of 8pm-10pm every night curating and exploring music on my laptop in a haze of needing to feel something new. I only got a taste of the rich internet music culture referenced often in this book, but it certainly made its mark. I explore emo adjacent, heavier rock from high school friends, bands like Flatsound who were far more dreamy and depressive than I actually was but represented more of what I was feeling than I could find anywhere else. These bands led me into the realm of Frightened Rabbit, Daughter, Bright Eyes, The World is a Beautiful Place and I Am Not Afraid to Die, Nathaniel Rateliff’s solo work, and (very significantly) Julien Baker.
At the same time, I was obsessively searching for Christian music that made me feel the same way these bands did. That articulated the emotional truths of life on earth alongside the truths that earth is not all there is. I found the truths of the Gospel in music from artists like John Mark McMillan, Strahan, Jon Guerra, Kings Kaleidoscope, Citizens, and Gable Price and Friends. But when I didn’t find as much of the emotional truth I wanted, I found myself drawn to many “Christian adjacent artists”, who were greatly influenced by a religious upbringing but had walked away from it for whatever reason. While I have never truly wavered in my faith, I found this honesty incredibly appealing. Julien Baker’s intermingling of hymns with raw honesty about her emotional health and deconstruction spoke to my soul in a way I didn’t know how to explain, and couldn’t to this day considering my life experiences could not be further from hers. Pedro the Lion, Corey Kilganon, and Tyson Motsenbocker all furthered my understanding that doubt was a part of life people were permitted to explore and that faith journeys weren’t linear. That beauty could and should be found in all aspects and phases of relationship with God, and that there are things to be gained from people you disagree with or can’t fully relate to.
Things got a little cheerier further into high school, as more friends started to dabble in mainstream but still faith friendly music. We all enjoyed Judah and the Lion, twenty one pilots, Jon Bellion (all notably also “Christian adjacent”), and AJR.
Certainly a poppier era for me, but my indie/emotional roots remained as boygenius furthered my love for Julien Baker and Lucy Dacus, and introduced me more to Phoebe Bridgers. Even in this pop-y era, I could hold onto my sense of superiority for listening to artists my friends didn’t know or appreciate. My concert era blossomed once I could drive, and I saw as much as I could live.
As I entered college, I leaned a little more folksy, music suitable for studying but still touching my soul. Matt Maeson, Noah and the Whale, Father John Misty, Rainbow Kitten Surprise, and especially my favorite band, Penny and Sparrow, who harmonies make me want to levitate.
The general vibe of my chosen community in college influenced me to move even further into the “granola” territory of Caamp, Noah Kahan, Hozier, Mt Joy, and more, while still relishing in the fact that my playlists crossed many many genres and eras.
Indie is where this codependent relationship with music started, and listening to this book about how so much of my personality came to be (along with its accompanying playlist) meant a lot to me. In maybe less direct ways, my love for indie music and music of all kinds gave me the strength and confidence in my personality to explore my love for films, books, pop culture, art of all kinds, vintage clothes, and the wide range of other hobbies I enjoy.
I wish I could eat music. I wish I could breathe it. I wish I could inject it into my veins. I wish I could soundtrack my life 24/7 with it.