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Licking the Knife: A memoir

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At 45, Lucky finally feels like she has achieved her dreams – a lovely life with a successful career, beautiful son, adoring husband, two dogs and house in the ‘burbs.

But when Lucky’s mother and 100-year-old grandfather violently attack her home, it sends her spiraling out of control. Her delicately crafted double life begins to collapse, and she is finally forced to confront decades of terror, abuse and secrets she has been hiding from everyone – including herself. Lucky breaks the silence of generations, threatening her sanity and the safety of those she so carefully protected.

Sabrina Capper’s deeply harrowing true story explores the depths of suffering and shows that even in the darkness, there is the possibility of healing. It is a story of having the courage to speak the truth, no matter the consequences.

433 pages, Paperback

Published December 10, 2024

416 people are currently reading
925 people want to read

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Sabrina Capper

2 books12 followers

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5 stars
195 (59%)
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78 (23%)
3 stars
38 (11%)
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7 (2%)
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9 (2%)
Displaying 1 - 30 of 56 reviews
Profile Image for Megan MacLean.
34 reviews1 follower
Read
March 23, 2025
Choosing not to rate this book due to its nature and vulnerability. What this author went through is dehumanizing and the growth she went through after it all is astonishing.
Super hard read, I had to put it down often but glad I read it.
Profile Image for Brandi.
21 reviews
January 29, 2025
Interesting

I understand that the book was written from a child's and adult's perspective, although sometimes the thoughts and timelines seem jumbled. With the spelling errors, it made it hard for me to follow certain parts, and I had to reread them a couple of times. When looking at the story as a whole, I can understand how writing about these events and reliving the trauma could cause unease and anxiety, which I assume is what happened.

The biggest takeaway for me was the therapy facility. I think many of us who survive trauma compare our trauma to very large events like war or the Holocaust, without realizing that this is a significant guide we use to justify our trauma as "not that bad." Something else many of us do is compare our traumas to others'. While their experiences may be different (worse or better), that doesn't make our trauma any less significant.
4 reviews
December 14, 2024
Horror Childhood

My heart broke for this little girl who was robbed of her childhood. I cannot imagine what she had to go through and you told the story with such strength I admire you so much. You had a very hard journey to go through and you did it!! I started this book 3 hours ago and I read it straight through! What a great look it was even though I cried so many times.
1 review
December 12, 2024
Resilient

Sabrina Capper’s story is one of resilience as she works tirelessly to tackle a heart wrenching childhood. If you’re looking for a book that is difficult to put down, look no further.
1 review3 followers
December 21, 2024
I believe you!

Why would anyone make this horrid stuff up and tell the world to get attention?
There were lots of times that I had to stop reading because it was just too awful. I can’t imagine how someone could condition themselves to treat anything like they treated a little child in the name of God!
Thank you for telling your story!
1 review1 follower
December 15, 2024
we’ll done, but tough read.

Story of childhood abuse, too horrible to imagine. But, the real story is one of strength and determination. We’ll written. Just hard to read.
Profile Image for Meagan Masters.
97 reviews
December 11, 2024
“Licking the Knife” chronicles the mental and emotional journey of a woman not just facing the demons from her past, but breaking free from their hold on every aspect of her life. Her experiences are a Pandora’s Box of nightmares. The trigger warnings are there for good reason; several times I had to put the book down and walk away as I felt the bile rising in my own throat. The abuse was real; the perspective was real. Those scenes are shared through the eyes of her younger self to reinforce the point that children “do not have the language to make up abuse.” Thankfully, we are given our own “pink clouds” to escape on, in the form of truly loving and safe people who helped support her through life and through the trauma as it resurfaced. Sabrina’s story pulls you in, even as you question whether or not you can make the journey with her. Thankfully, she doesn’t leave you to navigate through it in the dark; she holds your hand as you walk alongside her through chapter after chapter, and when you come out on the other side, you do so with a greater understanding of horrors - and healing - that you never imagined were possible.
33 reviews
December 13, 2024
I feel like this is an incomplete work. It just kind of ended. How did the author escape? What about the grandfather and the mother? What happened to them? What about Destiny? I was left with many questions. I appreciate that this is a memoir and journey to healing but I expected more especially since I found the author on social media and saw other videos about these people. Maybe the healing process has just begun? Maybe another book to come?
Profile Image for Clint Clausing.
5 reviews
December 11, 2024
Licking the Knife: a Memoir by Sabrina Capper is horrifying, infuriating, and deeply upsetting. It is also very well written, riveting, and uncompromising. Capper’s use of a first-person narrative – in both her adult voice and the voice of her childhood self – puts the reader in the center of every story. Capper’s spare use of imagery (the ooze moving inside me) provides just enough well-chosen detail to allow the reader’s mind to fill in the rest of the picture and force us to picture things that we would rather not.

In equal measure, Capper uses the same deftness of detail to describe those who showed her kindness and aid: a fierce and loving stepmother; a caring, professional therapist; a loving if oblivious father; and mental health professionals dealing tough love to severely traumatized patients. And although this is a story where there is no punishment for evil deeds, those with empathy - those who hear Ms. Capper’s descriptions of abuse at the hands of her family and believe unconditionally – they are the ones that help bring Capper back to her true self.

“But, I didn’t do anything wrong!” That statement is a running theme throughout the book. Whether losing a job because of CEO malfeasance or trying to read the motivations of grown-ups to avoid abuse, the notion that there is some formula to being safe is a driving impulse for Capper. Capper describes her adult self as having striven all her life to attain an upper middle-class lifestyle that allows her to relax in the safety of having money and security. In the first chapter, a description of an idealized family vacation to New York City, she describes the safety of wealth, knowing you have enough money to not worry about travel inconveniences. She paints a picture of her idyllic family and their vacation together as something that she built and earned through force of will. A life of safety built by bending herself and the world to be as she wants it. In some passages, it’s almost too braggadocios in tone and even a little off-putting.

However, the Ms. Capper on vacation with her family, successful and happy though she is, turns out to be a kind of armor that was carefully crafted as protection against trauma. As Ms. Capper’s life begins to unravel, first with the loss of her job and later by an unexpected visit from her family, that life of safety and the striving woman who built it turn out to be a façade. As Capper’s childhood memories begin to surface, young Sabrina and her “Littles” reveal the ugly truths that turned an artistic, precocious girl into the driven, striving, perfectionist adult.

For example, Ms. Capper can carry out the unethical directions of CEOs because the safety of being indispensable at her job is more important than pushing back about ethics. Her childhood reveals a little girl perpetually concerned with doing whatever she must to keep those she loves and, hopefully herself, safe. Sabrina is someone who is unable to comprehend the cycle of her abuse. She strategizes all the time, her mind constantly trying to unlock a formula of actions that will save her, prevent further abuse, or mitigate the pain and accumulating damage. Both adult and child will do anything to be safe.

To escape the debilitating effects of the flood of repressed memories finally reaching the surface, Capper recounts her struggle to integrate the childhood Sabrina with the adult Ms. Capper. The moments of loving compassion from those that genuinely care for her when she is at her lowest are a cathartic relief after the deeply unsettling childhood accounts. The book illustrates the power of simply having someone believe you and care for you. Even for the reader, those moments quell some of the rage and allow the floodgates to open, the tears to finally flow.

Licking the Knife is a difficult read. Its subject matter is concisely and starkly written. Capper tells the truth of her experience methodically – mostly, just the facts until the emotions uncomfortably squirm their way in peppering logical reasoning with the haunting imagery of a mind trying to create a visual language for the unspeakable.

I would like to say that Licking the Knife is poorly written or sensationalized or hyperbolic or has some other unforgivable flaw. I cannot. The book deserves to be read (I recommend reading it in shifts). It has deep themes, some of which the author may not even realize. It is ripe for analysis and stays with the reader long after the last page is turned. If there is more to this story, and I suspect there is, I hope the remaining tale is told with the same unflinching light of truth that makes Licking the Knife so challenging and exceptional.

Profile Image for Karen Rio.
5 reviews
February 6, 2025
Only read because a book club rec.
The book is promoted as true crime but disappointing. Full of allegations based solely on the sudden awakening of a 40 year repressed memory. We are led to believe this story is true with R.C.’s (the therapist) corroboration. Reminds me of the book ‘Michelle Remembers’- a book I was required to read in college which taught us to always question those things that seem not quite right.
If you enjoy reading nitty gritty details of child abuse, you’ll like this book. If the expectation is to present truthful accounts with substantiating evidence (thus true crime) you’ll not like this book because there’s not one sparkle of proof or even probability to support her claims. Publically accusing many people, a school & church of horrible allegations using only a 40 year repressed or false memory crosses ethical boundaries, even in the memoir genre where embellishment is the norm.
I am not saying if these things Capper recounts are true or untrue. But unless there is hard evidence it seems wrong to blantenly accuse people (including murder) as Capper has done. The entire club agreed but I’ll let others give their review. I did not like the book for that reason. I never blindly believe without question, especially when outlandishly unbelievable.
I think as a writer Capper has potential but not the kind of person I will follow. To me just another self-published abuse memoir with plenty of editing errors & over-the-top sensationalism added to sell a book.
Profile Image for Wyatt.
1 review
December 11, 2024
As someone familiar with the events and individuals discussed in this book, I found it to be a disappointing and deeply skewed portrayal of the truth. The author claims to be a victim, but the narrative blatantly manipulates and twists situations to paint them in a negative light while excusing and ignoring their own role.

Rather than presenting an honest and balanced account, the book relies on selective storytelling and exaggerated claims that misrepresent key facts. It’s clear that the goal is to gain sympathy at the expense of others’ reputations, which is both unfair and ENTIRELY unethical.

This book might appeal to readers who enjoy dramatic, one-sided stories, but anyone seeking accuracy or a genuine exploration of the events will be sorely disappointed. It’s a glaring example of how personal grievances can be dressed up as truth, without accountability for the harm caused to others.

I would not recommend this book to anyone looking for an honest account of these events. It does a disservice to all involved by perpetuating falsehoods and vilifying those who deserve better.
Profile Image for Jerri.
857 reviews23 followers
February 6, 2026
I have a lot of mixed feelings on this book. First - kudos to the author for having the courage to speak up. There were a handful of times that I felt something didn't add up, questions were left unanswered and some vague disbelief. I don't really want to address those concerns at this time in respect to the author who I believe should be commended for stepping forward with her truth. What I can address were the numerous grammatical errors in the e-book. I started out bookmarking them but eventually gave up. Every single time, it would break the flow of the story and pull me out of it. I generally get books outside of my favorite genres from Libby. I paid the $10 for this on an impulse. I should have waited until it was available to borrow. I can only hope the physical version had better editing for those that purchased it.

Bottom line - I feel for the author and applaud her courage. The story is not the type to be enjoyed. Again, I was left with too many questions to recommend it. Maybe I'll revise with spoiler alerts at some time in the future. It feels harsh to do so though. I do wish the author the best as she continues to heal.
Profile Image for Anna.
974 reviews12 followers
December 11, 2024
This would be challenging to critique after the author was so incredibly vulnerable and detailed in the trauma, the therapy, and some of the recovery. It was a real and raw, extremely detailed account of unspeakable abuse. However, this author found words and while they may not be for everyone (take all trigger warnings seriously) this had to have been a cathartic journey for her.

There is not much closure to be found here though. No reflective portions of healing. This is more a chronological unfolding of suppressed trauma followed by overviews of therapy. I get why this book. I appreciate the work. I hope we get another one that discusses more of the healing process and highlights more awareness on how many cycles this author broke, etc. But these are the words that healed her in this season, the result of hard work and extreme pain. So these are the words I support. I hope this helps so many others. I believe it will.
Profile Image for Michele Northwood.
Author 22 books41 followers
December 20, 2024
I have just finished "Licking the Knife" by Sabrina Capper . It is a memoir of child abuse, both sexually and psychologically by members of her own family, and also has links to the Mormon Church. The writing is raw and upsetting as the story is told through the eyes of the child who was a mere four years old when it began. It is a book that will stay with me, It's haunting, but ends with the victim going to therapy sessions as an adult, determined to make the most of her life. What is unnerving is how she tried to tell adults what was happening to her, but they didn't believe it or didn't want to accept it as true. It's a harrowing tale that highlights the vulnerability of young children and how we should all pay attention to them and accept that what they are saying is true.
Profile Image for Moriah Oldham.
2 reviews
January 18, 2025
This book is heart wrenching and incredibly uncomfortable to read. You will cry, you will be absolutely horrified and disgusted. The abuse that this woman, this child, was forced to endure will make you sick to your stomach. Intense hatred for the people in her life who did these things and/or sat by and let it happen will bubble up in you like lava. As hard as it is to read, as hard as it is to picture in your mind, your uncomfortableness doesn’t even register on the scale when measured against how it must have felt for her to live it. Read it! Cry. Get angry. Listen when a child tells you something happened to them and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!
Profile Image for Jennifer Hutchison-skoko.
1 review
February 19, 2025
Wow! Was surprised how amazing this book was!

I follow the author on TikTok and learned about her story from some of her videos. The bravery it must have taken her to write down the very acts that would’ve broken any person. The sickening secrets of some LDS members. and the fact that she was able to compartmentilize her agony for so, so, long is beyond belief. This book made my heart hurt, but then let hope back in thank goodness. This could be a very triggering book for some people, but as a survivor myself, I found a lot of comfort in knowing the writer is okay, in fact, has a very happy life now. Fascinating read!
Profile Image for Larry Camp.
2 reviews
March 14, 2025
Often in life we choose to read books or watch movies that bring lots of joy and make us long for the life we see portrayed. As Sabrina tells her story of child abuse, rape, torture and even recalls murder, I so appreciated my fairly vanilla upbringing. This was a hard read but I believe very meaningful and has helped me to better understand child abuse and to see that there are adults in this world that are so corrupt and evil. Again, reading Sabrina's account caused me to reflect on my family and realize how fortunate I was. Bravo to Sabrina for sharing her story and for being able to create a meaningful life after such a rough start.
Profile Image for Ululani.
9 reviews
August 18, 2025
This book brought on many anxiety attacks and one panic attack but I kept reading. Why? My response to this is nothing compared to living it. I cannot imagine living it. I know what I lived through and that has no comparison to her story.
She is so brave to come forward. The strength she has to find and seek help and be patient with herself as she healed and THEN finding it in her to write about what she lived is remarkable.
I STILL have struggles with writing my own story but it is a goal of mine.
Profile Image for Shawna  Ridley.
5 reviews
January 19, 2026
Wow! Just wow!

This was heartbreaking and triggering for me. I wanted to quit reading it so many times. Not because it was poorly written but because the abuse was something I couldn’t wrap my head around. It was never ending and it brought up memories of my own childhood that I haven’t confronted in years. But nothing this bad! I felt I owed it to the Littles to continue until the end. I may never be the same again. I’m in Oklahoma and it hit really close to home as well. Definitely recommend.
Profile Image for Shannon M. Balderas.
2 reviews
February 8, 2026
Don’t be fooled by the slow beginning as this book is a very difficult and important read. Includes graphic descriptions of child abuse, as well as SA in detail. Highly honest and brutally thorough, the author shares her experience of growing up in an environment of secret abuse related to religious trauma within her own immediate family as well as its aftermath. The book culminates with her, now middle age, processing trauma and memories while finding a peace within to move forward in life.
Profile Image for Randy Chronister.
41 reviews
January 3, 2025
This book grabbed me from the beginning. I was shocked at the levels of trauma the author suffered. At times, it was difficult for me to read, but going back-and-forth between the past, and the present helps even out some of the rough pieces by giving you hope walking beside someone as they uncover the truth and heal their wounds. Definitely recommend it.
Profile Image for n.
104 reviews
January 7, 2025
this is by far one of the hardest reads i’ve come across as a memoir. Sabrina Capper went through the unthinkable and had to struggle in silence for so many years. I am so proud of her for speaking out and still being here to stand up for herself. True resilience and true strength, I believe you Sabrina ♥️
Profile Image for Alex.
28 reviews3 followers
January 9, 2025
The most heartbreaking and incredibly written book. I couldn’t put it down, finding any free time I. My day to read. Sabrina’s writing is incredibly moving, her recounting of events in the point of view of herself as a child vs present day makes for a more interesting narrative of the events. Sabrina is so strong for what she went through and is a natural storyteller
25 reviews1 follower
January 20, 2025
No words

I want to say so many things, but can't even begin to find the words. I can't imagine going through the HELL that you did, and then going through the therapy it took to help you. I am proud of you for doing so and maybe this book wil give someone else the courage to do so. People like that family deserve a special place in hell.
2 reviews
January 10, 2026
Very hard read, but so worth it.

I was interested in this book from her tictock account. I was not prepared for how raw the stories of SA were going to be. At first I was angry, at the family, at the sharing of the events. I almost put it down, but I really hoped she would find a way out so I had to finish it. Hard work for sure and inspiring on so many levels.
Profile Image for Lauren C ♥.
128 reviews1 follower
January 5, 2025
I always rate memoirs highly, considering often they are stories of people laying out the absolute worst things that have happened to them. But this one didn’t give any closure, leaving me to wonder and not understand the end result. VERY graphic.
1 review
January 9, 2025
wow

I read this book in one night, I just could not put it down! Personally, I have never had any of this happen to me, but my heart aches for people who have “the littles”………
I followed her story on TikTok and I knew I had to read the book. Thank you for sharing this
1 review
January 17, 2025
I'm not someone who usually finishes a book in one sitting. This book was the exception! A horrific and grueling tale to read, but I tore through it to learn how someone can live through such trauma and emerge a highly functioning and talented person.
20 reviews1 follower
January 21, 2025
Great real story

The amount of courage it took to tell her story. Holy cow. At times very difficult to read. To know this happened. And the ones who are supposed to protect her are the ones hurting her. Great book.
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