The Mental Load Diaries: How I learned to juggle life, love and the neverending to-do list

by Cat Sims

‘A reassuring manifesto on the role of women today’ - Dawn O’Porter

‘This book - and Cat Sims generally - helps me to breathe a bit easier. My shoulders drop, my jaw relaxes, and I know everything is going to be OK.’ - Bryony Gordon

‘The kind of book that makes you want to high five the author.’ - Cherry Healey

‘The only book you need to save mind, body, life, soul and marriage. Just. Could. Not. Put. Down.’ - Anna Whitehouse

The mental load isn’t just about doing all the stuff. The mental load is constantly thinking about having to do all the stuff, and then, when you forget to do some of the stuff, the mental load is also about beating yourself up about that, while still trying to keep in mind all the other stuff you’ve got to do.

In The Mental Load Diaries, writer, content creator, podcaster, wife and mum Cat Sims describes the devastating impact the mental load had on her own happiness, mental health and marriage. 

With eye-opening honesty and her trademark dry humour, Cat offers a blunt but ultimately hopeful appraisal of society and women’s experience of it. 

This necessary book will incite honest conversation, make you feel less alone and give you the confidence to invite your loved ones to share the mental load.

Genres: Nonfiction

288 pages, Kindle Edition

Published July 3, 2025

Reviews

[Pierke Bosschieter · Rating 4 out of 5]

In The Mental Load Diaries, Cat Sims offers a candid and personal account of her experience with the mental load — the invisible, emotional, and organisational labour often shouldered by women in relationships and families. Framed through her own marriage and eventual therapy journey, Sims discusses the challenges of communication, resentment, and the silent expectations that can undermine domestic partnerships. The book explores her initial emotional disconnect, her growing frustration over unacknowledged effort, and the slow process of re-learning how to relate to her partner. While grounded in her own experience, Sims acknowledges her privilege and openly reflects on how class, gender, and societal expectations shape who bears the burden. The narrative combines raw honesty with humour, aiming not to provide solutions but to spark conversations and recognition among readers.

Sims' writing is accessible, emotionally charged, and often self-deprecating. The strength of the book lies in its personal tone and vulnerability. She avoids academic jargon, which keeps the content relatable, although this might limit its utility for those seeking structured guidance. Instead, Sims positions the book as a conversation starter — a reflection more than a manual. Her awareness of privilege and intersectionality adds needed depth, though occasionally the repetition of these disclaimers interrupts the narrative flow.

Importantly, while the book focuses on the mental load traditionally carried by women, Sims does not ignore the fact that men experience their own version of it — often shaped by different societal expectations and emotional constraints. She notes that men, too, can feel unseen, unsupported, or overwhelmed in family life, and that their emotional labour may be harder to articulate or recognise. This broader view adds a layer of balance, suggesting that the mental load is not solely a gendered issue but a relational one.

Although much of the narrative is centred on parenting and family life, many of the themes — including emotional labour, household dynamics, gender expectations, and communication struggles — remain highly relatable even without children. The feelings of being overwhelmed, under-recognised, or stretched too thin are common to many adult relationships and living arrangements. I found that much of the material resonated deeply despite not being a parent myself.

The central theme — the destructive power of unacknowledged emotional labour in relationships — comes through clearly and powerfully. The book succeeds in highlighting how these invisible pressures erode connection over time, regardless of who carries them. It offers validation without victimhood and insists on self-reflection as much as accountability from others. Overall, The Mental Load Diaries is not prescriptive, but it is engaging, humorous, and emotionally intelligent, inviting readers of all genders and circumstances to examine the unseen dynamics that shape domestic life.

[kashiichan · Rating 4 out of 5]

As the author notes in her introduction, this is not a self-help book. "There are some very clever and knowledgeable people who have written loads of other books that are designed to actually help you. This isn't one of those books. This is just a book documenting my own experience and, in doing so, I hope it will spark connectivity among the women and men who read it."

Though the concept of mental load is not new to me, I liked this book. The author has a good way of phrasing and explaining things, and provides numerous examples and things you can try for various situations. It's funny and sweary, and was quite enjoyable to read.

In chapter 17 (humorously titled ‘Handling Your Balls’) the author shares a really helpful juggling analogy about choosing which balls to juggle, based on your capacity at any given time. She admits that she didn't come up with concept of choosing which balls to juggle based on your capacity at any given time, and can't remember where she heard it. I suspect she might have seen a viral Twitter thread by author Jennifer Barnes, about a Q&A session she had seen with author Nora Roberts. There's a good article about it here: https://ashleyjanssen.com/how-to-jugg...

At the end of the book is a QR code to a free "somewhat updated and refined version" of ‘The Mental Load List’. The author created it in 2022, as an example of the kinds of things that make up mental load. I decided against including the link here, as the author still sells the List as a product on her website NotSoSmugNow.com

It's not going to be a good purchase for everyone but I do recommend reading this book, especially if you also have a slightly crass sense of humour. If you have the option, I suggest borrowing it from your local library.

[N9erz · Rating 4 out of 5]

Mental Load... where to begin with...
It most definitely is something we (as in mostly we women) all feel
having it all planned out, thinking ahead, structuring everything, just juggling with all the tasks
and often feeling left alone with them

and yes - it can get heavy, even in the most perfect relationships
and the hardest part of it - being real about, being honest about and even finding the words for it
and especially getting ahead of it, to not let it bring out the worst in you

this book will most likely never be 100% for everybody - because this is personal confrontation with a personal life of mental load in specific life circumstances
but quite a lot of those things will resonate with other women - even if you are living in other circumstances

you will not find THE ONE answer to your capability to handle your mental load
but for me it was quite eye opening to see that there is ways to do it, ways to learn to handle those things in a better way
and it is NOT that the other part hast to change, it is to work on oneself, be honest and vulnerable and especially to not swallow it till you explode...

it really helps to have words written down (from somebody else) to describe your own feelings
and yes - maybe I had some tears in my eyes once or twice (or more often) just because you can finally put words on your feelings and find that there is more to this coming from yourself than you would have ever been capabale to acknowledge and especially admit honestly to yourself

[Josie Estevez · Rating 4 out of 5]

I actually really enjoyed this book nd I highly recommend it to a very close friend. I feel like this book is a nice way to see similarities in the authors relationships and our own and in a way put words as to what we feel. I have the most amazing husband therefore mental load for me obviously still exists but I feel so lucky to have him to rely on without having to keep track of him like a child. This is a topic I love bringing up and talking about because it is a very real reason for female burnout because it doesn’t only apply to the home. It applies to work, relationships with family and friends and every social event we must do. Sometimes it feels like we are the managers of the house, having to keep track and do everything, and it’s a job we are not paid anything for nor are we getting the acknowledgment that we should be getting. Instead the members of our families take it for granted and expect it out of us. Again I love my husband and although I am insanely lucky to have a man like him by my side, I know many women who struggle with these issues in their relationships and being able to shed light on it and be able to get the proper help to fix this issue in our ideas, mindsets and relationships.

[Francis · Rating 5 out of 5]

A true feast of recognition. I tried finding the Dutch translation so I could give it to my partner to read, but unfortunately the book doesn't exist in Dutch. Cat, if you're reading this please get is translated to Dutch...

This book gave me hope that we're going to get out of the trenches and back into smoother waters over time. We just have to stick together as a team and keep going. Life with two small kids is hard right now, but we chose each other for a reason, even if that reason is not very clear anymore at times because of everything that's going on.

[Emma · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read on Audible.

Much of this book resonated with me, it didn’t all, there were definitely parts where my story felt different but there was a lot that I just got. Well worth a read.

The best part for me were the audiobook extras - the three interviews with Jimmy (the Husband) - I found hearing the two perspectives on the same issues really insightful. A reminder that there are three sides to every story - yours, mine & the truth.

[Charlotte Smith · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really enjoyed this- a true insight into womanhood and motherhood. I related so much to a lot of it! There are some great pieces of advice on managing relationship pressures, addiction, therapy and how to minimise or manage the mental load.

Full of honesty, humour and wisdom

I listened to the audio book and enjoyed the chapters with Jimmy answering questions.

[Spandy · Rating 5 out of 5]

While I was listnening to the Audiobook, I was like - Is this fucking play about me??

But in all honesty, I related to this book a lot. I enjoyed how the couple communicated whenever Jimmy was on. I understood how hard the couple worked on and what are some of the things they changed in their life to make it better.

[Farrells Bookshop · Rating 4 out of 5]

I listened to this as an audiobook, it was absolutely hilarious in a "did I secretly write this in my sleep about my own life?" kind of way. A laugh out loud funny, far too accurate portrayal of marriage, motherhood, generational view of womanhood and our endless often self-made "to-do lists"

Read by Belinda

[Heather C Gibbs · Rating 4 out of 5]

4 stars ⭐️ Listened to on Audible 🎧 read by author

A really interesting read about mental load and relationships. Not a self-help book, but thoughtful and relatable, with insights that made me more aware of the importance of communicating frustrations instead of bottling them up.

[El · Rating 4 out of 5]

for this to work, you need a partner who has the willingness to understand and do something about it. author shares the list at the end of the book

[ImA · Rating 5 out of 5]

Friggin AMAZING!

Don’t wait - get your copy now!!!!

I listened to the audio so Cat told me her story and the bonus was the little bonus bits, the chats with Jimmy and hearing from him. I’d of liked more of that - it’s brilliant.