Toxic Grit: How to Have it All and (Actually) Love What You Have

by Amanda Goetz

It’s time to rewrite the rules of ambition.

Burnout is an epidemic caused by a society that praises toxic grit. Women have been taught to chase goals and to hold everything together while quietly falling apart. Somewhere in the middle of the meetings and the milestones we lost something: ourselves. For years we’ve been told the answer to burnout is better balance. But what if balance is the wrong goal? Modern ambition is broken…..and women are the ones breaking under it.

Toxic Grit is a rallying cry and roadmap for those ready for a new way to live, work, and enjoy their lives. In this bold, paradigm-shifting debut, Amanda Goetz, a two-time CEO, four-time CMO, and single mom of three, reframes what it means to be an ambitious woman in a culture that demands women do it all to have it all. She knows what it takes to walk the tightrope of success and sanity. Through radical vulnerability, heartfelt storytelling, science backed frameworks and real-world tools, she helps women build systems for a life that honors their ambition and joy

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Personal Development

368 pages, Hardcover

Published October 21, 2025

About the author

Amanda Goetz is a 2x founder, 4x CMO, brand builder and content creator personal and professional growth.

She inspires over 150,000 people every week through her social insights and weekly newsletter, Life's A Game.

Her debut book “Toxic Grit” will be published October 2025.

Previously Amanda founded House of Wise, the luxury wellness brand giving women permission to make space for better sleep, hotter sex, less stress and more strength. Amanda raised millions in VC capital as a single mom of 3 kids during the pandemic. House of Wise was acquired in 2022.

Prior to launching House of Wise, Amanda spent five years at The Knot Worldwide (formerly XO Group) as Head of Brand Marketing, overseeing brand, editorial and product marketing for The Knot and WeddingWire.

Before that, she was the founder of a technology startup for the wedding industry, following her career as an international wedding planner and Head of Brand for wedding and entertaining expert David Tutera. The earliest years of Amanda’s career were spent working in marketing at Ernst & Young.

Amanda graduated Summa Cum Laude with a B.S. in Business Administration, Marketing from the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. She is a mom to 3 kiddos and lives in Miami, FL after a decade in NYC.

Reviews

[Ellen Marion · Rating 1 out of 5]

I really wanted to like this book, but it just didn’t land for me. It felt like a lot of vague advice wrapped in Instagram-style pep talks. The same points about burnout and redefining success were repeated over and over, without offering much depth or anything truly new. It started to feel more like personal brand-building than an honest, vulnerable reflection 🤷🏽‍♀️

[the-forest-library · Rating 2 out of 5]

I received a copy of this book from the publisher and NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. All thoughts are my own.

There are some nuggets in here, but much is regurgitated advice that’s on every other self help book.

[Mariangel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amanda is a great author with the ability to empathize and make individuals feel included and seen on a topic that has been glorified by our culture. While everyone is trying to cover up and appear tough and successful, often at the cost of burnout, Amanda creates space for vulnerability. She allows readers to reflect, rewrite their stories, and define success on their own terms, without sacrifice.

This book is a powerful reminder that rest is not weakness, and that wholeness matters more than hustle. I’d recommend it to anyone who’s questioning the way we’ve been taught to measure success, especially high achievers, founders, and creatives looking to reconnect with purpose.

[Debra · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you @Sourcebooks for my advance copy. My thoughts are my own.

Ambition is treated as such a dirty word, especially when used in regard to women. But society and inner drive say that we should strive to accomplish and rise. Unfortunately, the pursuit of excellence annd achievement often leads to burnout because the reality is that we can’t do everything. We contain multitudes but in trying to achieve well with everything, we failing. The key, according to Goetz, is how to transition between our different parts like a conductor, so they all have their moment, but in the service of your success. Intentional imbalance, not extreme imbalance, Goetz explains through storytelling and science, is the key. The first parts of the book helps the reader learn about their different internal characters—10 of them, according to Goetz—what they do, and how they interplay with our human needs. The second part helps you learn to juggle them. We aren’t binary (either/or), and figuring out who you are happens constantly as life goes on, so don’t expect to get if solved once and for all. But this book is a good place to start, to learn the technique, and to use as a reference.

[Saumya Dave · Rating 5 out of 5]

What an incredible guide for how to design our lives! I've been following Amanda Goetz since 2020 and she shared so much about motherhood, work, and relationships that resonated with me. In TOXIC GRIT, Amanda shows us how to embrace all of our selves. In a world that's too often pushing women into binaries--girlboss or tradwife, stay at home mom or working mom---Amanda's book is a refreshing reminder that self-acceptance comes from fully embracing who we are across seasons.

[Carla Fiorenzo · Rating 5 out of 5]

I will come back to this book again! Amanda’s character theory is new perspective on how I show up in my life. Honestly, I think every woman should read this book.

[Steven Webster · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amanda Goetz’s Toxic Grit is a framework I didn’t know I needed.

When something reaches an extreme, it becomes its opposite.

Toxic Grit? It’s the mental plaque buildup from that “unrelenting drive to have it all, all at once” that leads to exhaustion and disconnection from the very goals you thought you were so focused on achieving.

Amanda’s answer isn’t that you can’t have it all. Or that you have to grind away the grit. It’s about transforming yourself from a strained individual into a team of specialists. The twist? The specialists are all you.

Think of these specialists or “characters” - the CEO, Creative, Caregiver, Socialite, Explorer - as reflecting a slice of your talent, and carrying a share of your values and goals. It’s not spreading yourself thin. It’s compartmentalizing yourself into a one-person C-suite cascading your KPIs across life AND work.

The idea of having a cast of characters felt instantly familiar and approachable to me:

Pathwise Leadership introduced me to Jungian archetypes — the “flavors” of personality that help us lead teams with empathy and range. Tom Kelley’s Ten Faces of Innovation showed how adopting different roles makes creativity a repeatable process. Amanda’s contribution is something different: not about leading others, but about leading yourself.

Amanda’s characters turn “having it all” into a portfolio of projects, each driven by your strengths and prioritized by your needs.

The transformation? Focus to get more done. No more “there’s something else to add”. More “there’s nothing left to strip away”.

Three of my takeaways:

1/ Assemble your team. Every project deserves the right cast of characters — even if they’re all you.

2/ Check the scoreboard. Which human needs is this task really feeding: stability, growth, connection, significance or something else?

3/ Win with intentional imbalance. Like an athlete, know when to push, know when to rest.

Nurturing my growth and connection, I’ve been welcomed into Amanda’s community of entrepreneurs and “multi-hyphenate solopreneurs”. Game knows game — it’s a community with an unfair share of bad ass women who are redefining the future and nature of work.

I’ve been learning a lot from them.

So while Amanda is impassioned in the book speaking to women like her … men, listen up. You might want to learn something from the women who had to tear up the old playbooks.

Necessity is the mother of invention. And this chief marketing officer, community leader, author and mother of three has invented something necessary.

You’ll be hooked in the first 20 pages.

[karen · Rating 3 out of 5]

A different way of looking at the stuff you know.

[Shana · Rating 5 out of 5]

I couldn’t put this book down. It felt as though Amanda was speaking directly to me, sharing thoughts and experiences that truly hit home.

If you’ve ever related to the feeling of "the constant state of guilt and toxicity we find ourselves in as we try to navigate all the roles society wants us to play," then Toxic Grit is absolutely for you.

Amanda breaks these complex emotions down in a way that’s both approachable and deeply resonant. Her writing is insightful, compassionate, and so engaging that you’ll find yourself eagerly turning each page for more.

[Susan · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book had some good ideas. The overarching goal is to help women who feel over-extended and burnt out while trying to do everything. Work, family, friends, children, etc. The author uses character theory, which looks at each of the roles you play as characters in the movie of your life. She offers ten characters: CEO, socialite, soloist, partner, caregiver, doctor, goddess, explorer, creative, and lazy girl. Each character has different needs and wants, and each one helps create a fulfilling life. However, they can't all be on stage at the same time. Some will be main characters, some will take smaller supporting roles, and some will be off stage for a period of time. The trick is to find the right roles for the right characters at different points in your life. When you start to feel burnt out, it means one of your characters is taking over too much and/or another character isn't getting its needs met.

So far so good. I get what she's saying. I feel like sometimes it doesn't take into account different personality types, but still. It makes sense.

But what really bothered me about this book was that the advice so often felt directed to a very small group of very privileged individuals. Not everyone has the opportunity to rearrange their schedule to accommodate a particular character. Not everyone has control over which areas of work they focus on at any given time (spin cycle). The author is a serial entrepreneur who is able to choose when she's going to give her inner CEO full rein and when she's going to step back and focus on her caregiver, partner, and other roles. She took time off between selling her multiple million-dollar companies to rest and choose how she wanted to focus her time. This is so unrealistic for the vast majority of women. She does try to make the advice relatable, but it's clear that she is so out of touch with the demands of average workers that she had a hard time crossing the bridge. I also didn't like how she presented the "lazy girl" - this is supposed to be your restful character. But she sounded almost condescending when she talked about it. I don't like using the word lazy when you really mean rest.

I felt the same way reading this book that I felt reading Sheryl Sandberg's Lean In and Ivanka Trump's Women Who Work. These women are millionaires with resources most of us don't have. Their advice is often unrealistic (set up a place for your kids to do their schoolwork in your office, only answer emails at specific times, take time to pump at work if you are breastfeeding). It sounds good, but the vast majority of women are at the mercy of their employers, who may or may not be accommodating.

Ultimately, I chose to DNF the book because I couldn't get past the privilege. I wish all of us could design our days, months, and years exactly how we want to, but most of us can't. I think the character theory approach can still be helpful - it can help us evaluate where we are feeling pressure and look for ways to relieve that pressure. It's a starting point. But this book needs more relatable advice in order to be truly game-changing.

[Tracy Nguyen · Rating 4 out of 5]

I went into Toxic Grit with very different expectations. Based on the synopsis, I thought this would be a deeper critique of hustle culture and the pressures modern feminism places on women, especially the way “having it all” often becomes another unrealistic standard. Instead, the book reads much more like a traditional self-help guide, offering strategic, actionable advice on finding peace with the natural imbalance of priorities we all experience.

The strongest part of the book, in my opinion, is its exploration of “character theory,” using cinematic roles as a metaphor for the shifting seasons of a woman’s life. I appreciated how practical and implementable many of the suggestions were; I found myself applying some of the ideas immediately, and they genuinely helped me reframe how I approach choices and energy in my own life.

That said, the book’s messaging felt a little contradictory at times. Early on, the author emphasizes that women who pause their careers to be caregivers should be celebrated just as much as women who pursue professional ambition. Later, she frames pausing work as a privilege most women don’t have. While not necessarily wrong, the shift in tone made it feel as though the book ultimately leaned more empathetically toward the career-driven narrative and was less grounded in understanding women who genuinely want a slower, stay-at-home life. The moments referencing traditional housewives, especially her own mother, felt a bit dismissive, which stood out given the book’s stated commitment to honoring all paths.

Overall, Toxic Grit is a helpful and motivating read with practical insights, but the synopsis sets up expectations it doesn’t entirely fulfill. It’s less an indictment of hustle culture and more a guide on navigating ambition with self-compassion. I enjoyed it, learned from it, and found real value but I also wished for a more balanced acknowledgment of women who choose a different pace of life.

[Wynter Chatman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reading Toxic Grit felt like someone finally putting language to a kind of exhaustion that comes from doing everything “right” and still feeling disconnected from your own life.

What stood out most was the book’s argument that burnout is not always about doing too much. It can come from trying to be too many things at once, all through one flattened identity. The pressure is not just the workload, but the expectation to perform, care, achieve, and hold everything together without pause.

One of the strongest ideas in the book is that wanting a lot from life is not the issue. The issue is chasing it on autopilot, without stopping to ask whether the way you are living actually matches what you want.

The framework of internal “characters” was the biggest aha for me. It offers a more honest way to think about balance: not as doing everything well every day, but as letting different parts of yourself lead in different seasons. That idea of intentional imbalance felt especially empowering.

Overall, this felt less like a book about burnout and more like a reminder that you do not need to become smaller to feel better. You need a more intentional way to hold your ambition and your life.

[Jenelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Toxic Grit is one of those rare books that feels less like reading and more like being seen.

I identified deeply with the author’s experiences and the way she names the seasons of life where grit is praised, expected, and ultimately weaponized. Especially for high-performing, deeply responsible people. This book perfectly captures what it feels like to overcommit out of loyalty, identity, or survival, and then slowly realize that perseverance without discernment can quietly erode your well-being.

What resonated most was the permission to pivot. To recognize when grit is no longer growth but harm, and when under-committing is not failure, but wisdom. The framework around choosing when to push, when to pause, and when to intentionally pull back felt both validating and freeing. It reframes resilience not as endless endurance, but as alignment.

This book doesn’t shame grit, it refines it. It helped me name patterns I’ve lived through, normalize the exhaustion that comes from misapplied perseverance, and reaffirm that sustainable success requires discernment, not just determination. Powerful, affirming, and deeply relevant. Will be my top recommendation for a long while!

[Jennifer · Rating 1 out of 5]

The problem I have with this book is the source. We live in a time where people can fake it loud enough to rewrite their narrative and in turn try to profit off of that. The author has failed at pretty much every endeavor yet presents themselves as an expert. Exaggerated their role at a corporate job, started a CBT business that failed, had a husband that paid for their lifestyle not created on the profits of their successful businesses. The M.O. of a get rich quick scheme infomercial huckster, they use quippy names for basic advice you can find scrolling through social media. Buying this book rewards the influencer adage asking you to buy their book on how to make $1MM. The joke is essentially they anre telling you the only way they can make $1MM is getting people to buy the book.

[Patrick Samara · Rating 5 out of 5]

We all grapple with finding balance in our lives, and Amanda's self-help book provides the essential guidance we might not even realize we're missing. Her candid sharing of personal experiences fosters a deep, immediate connection with readers.

This quote from the end of chapter one really just spoke to me personally -

No matter where you are in life, this book is written to help you define what success means to you in this season with the under- standing that it will grow and change. You will learn to create a life that works for you. Not what you think others want for you or what the latest societal buzzword tells you.

[Mike Rucker · Rating 5 out of 5]

Goetz's message will hit for anyone who's swallowed the hustle‑culture mantra whole (guilty 🙋‍♂️). She offers, as an alternative, a sustainable, authentic path forward by pairing story‑rich narratives with frameworks that invite you to challenge standard ambition scripts and rethink what success can actually feel like. I also like that this isn't just another inspo book, but one with a lot of practical ideas. Whether you're leading teams, juggling roles, or simply trying to reclaim your energy, Toxic Grit gives you permission to reject the grind and instead build something that aligns with who you are.

[Kaitlin · Rating 2 out of 5]

DNF at 38%. A recommendation from a former colleague from a toxic work environment. I liked the first part of this alright, but found the metaphors overwrought and the mixing of them a bit annoying. That is, you have 10 characters/actors/people inside you, and they all can't be the most important character at once, right? But to emphasize this point, she then takes you to a metaphor where you have 5 burners on a stove and you can only have 5 characters... on the stove... at once? I don't know maybe I am too literal but this bothered me. I think the message is good here and would probably work for many other people. but not for me.

[Kgurl1230 · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is a must-read (or must-listen) for anyone interested in leadership and personal growth. It’s not just a book—it’s an experience that stays with you long after you finish. The author provides a clear roadmap for balance, growth, setting boundaries, and embracing accountability—no matter what phase of life you’re in. The book is lengthy; however, the lessons and best practices shared are practical, actionable, and adaptable to a wide range of situations, making it easy to apply the insights in both personal and professional settings.

[Sonja · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely loved it - it felt like it spoke right to where I am in life. I’m moving countries this year and rebuilding from scratch, and this book wrapped together so many powerful ideas from psychology and productivity in a way that felt both encouraging and easy to put into practice. It’s been such a reassuring companion in this transition and made me think a lot. I’d recommend it to anyone wanting to step away from toxic grit and rebuild with more balance and purpose.

[Kaila · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book contains a new-to-me concept: the idea that we have 10 characters inside us who all have their own desires and need time in the spotlight.

I enjoyed Amanda’s relatable examples that better explained certain concepts.

I deducted a star because there were moments that inferred to concepts earlier introduced, but could have been specified more clearly. I intend to re-read this book again to fully digest everything.

[Bobbi Mullins · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow. I was blown away by this book and how it dives into having what you want, and wanting what you have. There’s a struggle, especially as a woman in figuring out who you are and how to get there, and being gracious the entire time. Amanda helps break it down and explain the good side and the bad of characteristics we all have. This book is a must read.

[Greg D · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is raw, emotional, and makes you feel seen.

Even though I couldn’t personally relate to everything Amanda went through, I was able to look introspectively at how the different characters that make up me play a role in my life.

If you want a better understand of how to navigate the many facets of your life, this book is a must read.

[Reader · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve been reading Amanda’s content for a long time and have always learned a lot from her socials, webinars and newsletters. I’m ecstatic that her book is a continuation/culmination of everything she has been teaching for a long time! We’re told we can’t have balance and success at the same time, once has to be sacrificed for the other. Welp, that idea is turn on its head in this wonderful read!

[Brooke Robbins · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a beautiful read. In the intro to this book, Amanda promises to help you "marie condo" your life, identifying the many characters (read: versions of self) residing within you, and reframing ambition and success through the lens of joy. She delivers. This book is a must read for women everywhere navigating their own dreams in work, life and love.

[Cindy Liberman · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a book I wish I had years ago when I started my career. Amanda's framework of 10 inner characters, and how to be fully present within each for a sensible portion of time, is brilliant. My description can't do it justice...If you're a woman feeling guilt, like you want to be more in several life areas but also desperately want a vacation (every woman?! lol) - I recommend this book.

[Amanda · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book gets 5 stars because it whole heartedly taught me more about myself than I ever could’ve thought. If you’re someone who struggles with anxiety or is honestly so confused then PLEASE read this. I hope it changes the way I approach life and I genuinely want to take all the tips and apply them to my life because they are so relevant.

[Kate Craig · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reading this book was like a roadmap out of burnout. It couldn’t have come at a better time. For a long time, I’ve felt as if there are so many parts of me missing. These chapters opened the door to empower me to find them again and help them grow.

I look forward to the journey as I go back and work through each section with more intentionality.

[Katie Ryder · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have loved Amanda's work on LinkedIn and then reading this book! It is a good message, especially to parents and caregivers, that you can't do it all at once, but you can allocate your time to get everything you want. The ebbs and flows of trying to manage everything on your plate are going to create imbalance, but that is okay and that is part of the process. Okay?

[Ann Leymon · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don't usually write reviews but I'm a couple of chapters into this one and I'm too excited about it to keep it to myself! What a breath of fresh air - great advice, for your whole self, that's actually enjoyable to read. I'm totally engrossed and can't wait until my next break to keep reading!

[Roslyn McLarty · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amanda is a brilliant and expansive role model for a new way of approaching life and work. She gives us all the permission to stop hustling for the sake of hustling and to intentionally build our lives in a way that is fulfilling and aligned.