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Toxic Grit: How to Have it All and (Actually) Love What You Have
It’s time to rewrite the rules of ambition.
Burnout is an epidemic caused by a society that praises toxic grit. Women have been taught to chase goals and to hold everything together while quietly falling apart. Somewhere in the middle of the meetings and the milestones we lost something: ourselves. For years we’ve been told the answer to burnout is better balance. But what if balance is the wrong goal? Modern ambition is broken…..and women are the ones breaking under it.
Toxic Grit is a rallying cry and roadmap for those ready for a new way to live, work, and enjoy their lives. In this bold, paradigm-shifting debut, Amanda Goetz, a two-time CEO, four-time CMO, and single mom of three, reframes what it means to be an ambitious woman in a culture that demands women do it all to have it all. She knows what it takes to walk the tightrope of success and sanity. Through radical vulnerability, heartfelt storytelling, science backed frameworks and real-world tools, she helps women build systems for a life that honors their ambition and joy
Burnout is an epidemic caused by a society that praises toxic grit. Women have been taught to chase goals and to hold everything together while quietly falling apart. Somewhere in the middle of the meetings and the milestones we lost something: ourselves. For years we’ve been told the answer to burnout is better balance. But what if balance is the wrong goal? Modern ambition is broken…..and women are the ones breaking under it.
Toxic Grit is a rallying cry and roadmap for those ready for a new way to live, work, and enjoy their lives. In this bold, paradigm-shifting debut, Amanda Goetz, a two-time CEO, four-time CMO, and single mom of three, reframes what it means to be an ambitious woman in a culture that demands women do it all to have it all. She knows what it takes to walk the tightrope of success and sanity. Through radical vulnerability, heartfelt storytelling, science backed frameworks and real-world tools, she helps women build systems for a life that honors their ambition and joy
368 pages, Hardcover
Published October 21, 2025
129 people are currently reading
4156 people want to read
About the author
Amanda Goetz
1 book12 followersAmanda Goetz is a 2x founder, 4x CMO, brand builder and content creator personal and professional growth.
She inspires over 150,000 people every week through her social insights and weekly newsletter, Life's A Game.
Her debut book “Toxic Grit” will be published October 2025.
Previously Amanda founded House of Wise, the luxury wellness brand giving women permission to make space for better sleep, hotter sex, less stress and more strength. Amanda raised millions in VC capital as a single mom of 3 kids during the pandemic. House of Wise was acquired in 2022.
Prior to launching House of Wise, Amanda spent five years at The Knot Worldwide (formerly XO Group) as Head of Brand Marketing, overseeing brand, editorial and product marketing for The Knot and WeddingWire.
Before that, she was the founder of a technology startup for the wedding industry, following her career as an international wedding planner and Head of Brand for wedding and entertaining expert David Tutera. The earliest years of Amanda’s career were spent working in marketing at Ernst & Young.
Amanda graduated Summa Cum Laude with a B.S. in Business Administration, Marketing from the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. She is a mom to 3 kiddos and lives in Miami, FL after a decade in NYC.
She inspires over 150,000 people every week through her social insights and weekly newsletter, Life's A Game.
Her debut book “Toxic Grit” will be published October 2025.
Previously Amanda founded House of Wise, the luxury wellness brand giving women permission to make space for better sleep, hotter sex, less stress and more strength. Amanda raised millions in VC capital as a single mom of 3 kids during the pandemic. House of Wise was acquired in 2022.
Prior to launching House of Wise, Amanda spent five years at The Knot Worldwide (formerly XO Group) as Head of Brand Marketing, overseeing brand, editorial and product marketing for The Knot and WeddingWire.
Before that, she was the founder of a technology startup for the wedding industry, following her career as an international wedding planner and Head of Brand for wedding and entertaining expert David Tutera. The earliest years of Amanda’s career were spent working in marketing at Ernst & Young.
Amanda graduated Summa Cum Laude with a B.S. in Business Administration, Marketing from the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. She is a mom to 3 kiddos and lives in Miami, FL after a decade in NYC.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 31 reviews
July 6, 2025
I really wanted to like this book, but it just didn’t land for me. It felt like a lot of vague advice wrapped in Instagram-style pep talks. The same points about burnout and redefining success were repeated over and over, without offering much depth or anything truly new. It started to feel more like personal brand-building than an honest, vulnerable reflection 🤷🏽♀️
October 4, 2025
I received a copy of this book from the publisher and NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. All thoughts are my own.
There are some nuggets in here, but much is regurgitated advice that’s on every other self help book.
There are some nuggets in here, but much is regurgitated advice that’s on every other self help book.
July 3, 2025
Amanda is a great author with the ability to empathize and make individuals feel included and seen on a topic that has been glorified by our culture. While everyone is trying to cover up and appear tough and successful, often at the cost of burnout, Amanda creates space for vulnerability. She allows readers to reflect, rewrite their stories, and define success on their own terms, without sacrifice.
This book is a powerful reminder that rest is not weakness, and that wholeness matters more than hustle. I’d recommend it to anyone who’s questioning the way we’ve been taught to measure success, especially high achievers, founders, and creatives looking to reconnect with purpose.
This book is a powerful reminder that rest is not weakness, and that wholeness matters more than hustle. I’d recommend it to anyone who’s questioning the way we’ve been taught to measure success, especially high achievers, founders, and creatives looking to reconnect with purpose.
October 17, 2025
Thank you @Sourcebooks for my advance copy. My thoughts are my own.
Ambition is treated as such a dirty word, especially when used in regard to women. But society and inner drive say that we should strive to accomplish and rise. Unfortunately, the pursuit of excellence annd achievement often leads to burnout because the reality is that we can’t do everything. We contain multitudes but in trying to achieve well with everything, we failing. The key, according to Goetz, is how to transition between our different parts like a conductor, so they all have their moment, but in the service of your success. Intentional imbalance, not extreme imbalance, Goetz explains through storytelling and science, is the key. The first parts of the book helps the reader learn about their different internal characters—10 of them, according to Goetz—what they do, and how they interplay with our human needs. The second part helps you learn to juggle them. We aren’t binary (either/or), and figuring out who you are happens constantly as life goes on, so don’t expect to get if solved once and for all. But this book is a good place to start, to learn the technique, and to use as a reference.
Ambition is treated as such a dirty word, especially when used in regard to women. But society and inner drive say that we should strive to accomplish and rise. Unfortunately, the pursuit of excellence annd achievement often leads to burnout because the reality is that we can’t do everything. We contain multitudes but in trying to achieve well with everything, we failing. The key, according to Goetz, is how to transition between our different parts like a conductor, so they all have their moment, but in the service of your success. Intentional imbalance, not extreme imbalance, Goetz explains through storytelling and science, is the key. The first parts of the book helps the reader learn about their different internal characters—10 of them, according to Goetz—what they do, and how they interplay with our human needs. The second part helps you learn to juggle them. We aren’t binary (either/or), and figuring out who you are happens constantly as life goes on, so don’t expect to get if solved once and for all. But this book is a good place to start, to learn the technique, and to use as a reference.
October 22, 2025
What an incredible guide for how to design our lives! I've been following Amanda Goetz since 2020 and she shared so much about motherhood, work, and relationships that resonated with me. In TOXIC GRIT, Amanda shows us how to embrace all of our selves. In a world that's too often pushing women into binaries--girlboss or tradwife, stay at home mom or working mom---Amanda's book is a refreshing reminder that self-acceptance comes from fully embracing who we are across seasons.
December 18, 2025
I will come back to this book again! Amanda’s character theory is new perspective on how I show up in my life. Honestly, I think every woman should read this book.
August 20, 2025
Amanda Goetz’s Toxic Grit is a framework I didn’t know I needed.
When something reaches an extreme, it becomes its opposite.
Toxic Grit? It’s the mental plaque buildup from that “unrelenting drive to have it all, all at once” that leads to exhaustion and disconnection from the very goals you thought you were so focused on achieving.
Amanda’s answer isn’t that you can’t have it all. Or that you have to grind away the grit. It’s about transforming yourself from a strained individual into a team of specialists. The twist? The specialists are all you.
Think of these specialists or “characters” - the CEO, Creative, Caregiver, Socialite, Explorer - as reflecting a slice of your talent, and carrying a share of your values and goals. It’s not spreading yourself thin. It’s compartmentalizing yourself into a one-person C-suite cascading your KPIs across life AND work.
The idea of having a cast of characters felt instantly familiar and approachable to me:
Pathwise Leadership introduced me to Jungian archetypes — the “flavors” of personality that help us lead teams with empathy and range. Tom Kelley’s Ten Faces of Innovation showed how adopting different roles makes creativity a repeatable process. Amanda’s contribution is something different: not about leading others, but about leading yourself.
Amanda’s characters turn “having it all” into a portfolio of projects, each driven by your strengths and prioritized by your needs.
The transformation? Focus to get more done. No more “there’s something else to add”. More “there’s nothing left to strip away”.
Three of my takeaways:
1/ Assemble your team. Every project deserves the right cast of characters — even if they’re all you.
2/ Check the scoreboard. Which human needs is this task really feeding: stability, growth, connection, significance or something else?
3/ Win with intentional imbalance. Like an athlete, know when to push, know when to rest.
Nurturing my growth and connection, I’ve been welcomed into Amanda’s community of entrepreneurs and “multi-hyphenate solopreneurs”. Game knows game — it’s a community with an unfair share of bad ass women who are redefining the future and nature of work.
I’ve been learning a lot from them.
So while Amanda is impassioned in the book speaking to women like her … men, listen up. You might want to learn something from the women who had to tear up the old playbooks.
Necessity is the mother of invention. And this chief marketing officer, community leader, author and mother of three has invented something necessary.
You’ll be hooked in the first 20 pages.
When something reaches an extreme, it becomes its opposite.
Toxic Grit? It’s the mental plaque buildup from that “unrelenting drive to have it all, all at once” that leads to exhaustion and disconnection from the very goals you thought you were so focused on achieving.
Amanda’s answer isn’t that you can’t have it all. Or that you have to grind away the grit. It’s about transforming yourself from a strained individual into a team of specialists. The twist? The specialists are all you.
Think of these specialists or “characters” - the CEO, Creative, Caregiver, Socialite, Explorer - as reflecting a slice of your talent, and carrying a share of your values and goals. It’s not spreading yourself thin. It’s compartmentalizing yourself into a one-person C-suite cascading your KPIs across life AND work.
The idea of having a cast of characters felt instantly familiar and approachable to me:
Pathwise Leadership introduced me to Jungian archetypes — the “flavors” of personality that help us lead teams with empathy and range. Tom Kelley’s Ten Faces of Innovation showed how adopting different roles makes creativity a repeatable process. Amanda’s contribution is something different: not about leading others, but about leading yourself.
Amanda’s characters turn “having it all” into a portfolio of projects, each driven by your strengths and prioritized by your needs.
The transformation? Focus to get more done. No more “there’s something else to add”. More “there’s nothing left to strip away”.
Three of my takeaways:
1/ Assemble your team. Every project deserves the right cast of characters — even if they’re all you.
2/ Check the scoreboard. Which human needs is this task really feeding: stability, growth, connection, significance or something else?
3/ Win with intentional imbalance. Like an athlete, know when to push, know when to rest.
Nurturing my growth and connection, I’ve been welcomed into Amanda’s community of entrepreneurs and “multi-hyphenate solopreneurs”. Game knows game — it’s a community with an unfair share of bad ass women who are redefining the future and nature of work.
I’ve been learning a lot from them.
So while Amanda is impassioned in the book speaking to women like her … men, listen up. You might want to learn something from the women who had to tear up the old playbooks.
Necessity is the mother of invention. And this chief marketing officer, community leader, author and mother of three has invented something necessary.
You’ll be hooked in the first 20 pages.
December 21, 2025
A different way of looking at the stuff you know.
July 31, 2025
I couldn’t put this book down. It felt as though Amanda was speaking directly to me, sharing thoughts and experiences that truly hit home.
If you’ve ever related to the feeling of "the constant state of guilt and toxicity we find ourselves in as we try to navigate all the roles society wants us to play," then Toxic Grit is absolutely for you.
Amanda breaks these complex emotions down in a way that’s both approachable and deeply resonant. Her writing is insightful, compassionate, and so engaging that you’ll find yourself eagerly turning each page for more.
If you’ve ever related to the feeling of "the constant state of guilt and toxicity we find ourselves in as we try to navigate all the roles society wants us to play," then Toxic Grit is absolutely for you.
Amanda breaks these complex emotions down in a way that’s both approachable and deeply resonant. Her writing is insightful, compassionate, and so engaging that you’ll find yourself eagerly turning each page for more.
February 8, 2026
I went into Toxic Grit with very different expectations. Based on the synopsis, I thought this would be a deeper critique of hustle culture and the pressures modern feminism places on women, especially the way “having it all” often becomes another unrealistic standard. Instead, the book reads much more like a traditional self-help guide, offering strategic, actionable advice on finding peace with the natural imbalance of priorities we all experience.
The strongest part of the book, in my opinion, is its exploration of “character theory,” using cinematic roles as a metaphor for the shifting seasons of a woman’s life. I appreciated how practical and implementable many of the suggestions were; I found myself applying some of the ideas immediately, and they genuinely helped me reframe how I approach choices and energy in my own life.
That said, the book’s messaging felt a little contradictory at times. Early on, the author emphasizes that women who pause their careers to be caregivers should be celebrated just as much as women who pursue professional ambition. Later, she frames pausing work as a privilege most women don’t have. While not necessarily wrong, the shift in tone made it feel as though the book ultimately leaned more empathetically toward the career-driven narrative and was less grounded in understanding women who genuinely want a slower, stay-at-home life. The moments referencing traditional housewives, especially her own mother, felt a bit dismissive, which stood out given the book’s stated commitment to honoring all paths.
Overall, Toxic Grit is a helpful and motivating read with practical insights, but the synopsis sets up expectations it doesn’t entirely fulfill. It’s less an indictment of hustle culture and more a guide on navigating ambition with self-compassion. I enjoyed it, learned from it, and found real value but I also wished for a more balanced acknowledgment of women who choose a different pace of life.
The strongest part of the book, in my opinion, is its exploration of “character theory,” using cinematic roles as a metaphor for the shifting seasons of a woman’s life. I appreciated how practical and implementable many of the suggestions were; I found myself applying some of the ideas immediately, and they genuinely helped me reframe how I approach choices and energy in my own life.
That said, the book’s messaging felt a little contradictory at times. Early on, the author emphasizes that women who pause their careers to be caregivers should be celebrated just as much as women who pursue professional ambition. Later, she frames pausing work as a privilege most women don’t have. While not necessarily wrong, the shift in tone made it feel as though the book ultimately leaned more empathetically toward the career-driven narrative and was less grounded in understanding women who genuinely want a slower, stay-at-home life. The moments referencing traditional housewives, especially her own mother, felt a bit dismissive, which stood out given the book’s stated commitment to honoring all paths.
Overall, Toxic Grit is a helpful and motivating read with practical insights, but the synopsis sets up expectations it doesn’t entirely fulfill. It’s less an indictment of hustle culture and more a guide on navigating ambition with self-compassion. I enjoyed it, learned from it, and found real value but I also wished for a more balanced acknowledgment of women who choose a different pace of life.
January 8, 2026
Toxic Grit is one of those rare books that feels less like reading and more like being seen.
I identified deeply with the author’s experiences and the way she names the seasons of life where grit is praised, expected, and ultimately weaponized. Especially for high-performing, deeply responsible people. This book perfectly captures what it feels like to overcommit out of loyalty, identity, or survival, and then slowly realize that perseverance without discernment can quietly erode your well-being.
What resonated most was the permission to pivot. To recognize when grit is no longer growth but harm, and when under-committing is not failure, but wisdom. The framework around choosing when to push, when to pause, and when to intentionally pull back felt both validating and freeing. It reframes resilience not as endless endurance, but as alignment.
This book doesn’t shame grit, it refines it. It helped me name patterns I’ve lived through, normalize the exhaustion that comes from misapplied perseverance, and reaffirm that sustainable success requires discernment, not just determination. Powerful, affirming, and deeply relevant. Will be my top recommendation for a long while!
I identified deeply with the author’s experiences and the way she names the seasons of life where grit is praised, expected, and ultimately weaponized. Especially for high-performing, deeply responsible people. This book perfectly captures what it feels like to overcommit out of loyalty, identity, or survival, and then slowly realize that perseverance without discernment can quietly erode your well-being.
What resonated most was the permission to pivot. To recognize when grit is no longer growth but harm, and when under-committing is not failure, but wisdom. The framework around choosing when to push, when to pause, and when to intentionally pull back felt both validating and freeing. It reframes resilience not as endless endurance, but as alignment.
This book doesn’t shame grit, it refines it. It helped me name patterns I’ve lived through, normalize the exhaustion that comes from misapplied perseverance, and reaffirm that sustainable success requires discernment, not just determination. Powerful, affirming, and deeply relevant. Will be my top recommendation for a long while!
July 6, 2025
The problem I have with this book is the source. We live in a time where people can fake it loud enough to rewrite their narrative and in turn try to profit off of that. The author has failed at pretty much every endeavor yet presents themselves as an expert. Exaggerated their role at a corporate job, started a CBT business that failed, had a husband that paid for their lifestyle not created on the profits of their successful businesses. The M.O. of a get rich quick scheme infomercial huckster, they use quippy names for basic advice you can find scrolling through social media. Buying this book rewards the influencer adage asking you to buy their book on how to make $1MM. The joke is essentially they anre telling you the only way they can make $1MM is getting people to buy the book.
July 5, 2025
We all grapple with finding balance in our lives, and Amanda's self-help book provides the essential guidance we might not even realize we're missing. Her candid sharing of personal experiences fosters a deep, immediate connection with readers.
This quote from the end of chapter one really just spoke to me personally -
No matter where you are in life, this book is written to help you define what success means to you in this season with the under- standing that it will grow and change. You will learn to create a life that works for you. Not what you think others want for you or what the latest societal buzzword tells you.
This quote from the end of chapter one really just spoke to me personally -
No matter where you are in life, this book is written to help you define what success means to you in this season with the under- standing that it will grow and change. You will learn to create a life that works for you. Not what you think others want for you or what the latest societal buzzword tells you.
November 10, 2025
Goetz's message will hit for anyone who's swallowed the hustle‑culture mantra whole (guilty 🙋♂️). She offers, as an alternative, a sustainable, authentic path forward by pairing story‑rich narratives with frameworks that invite you to challenge standard ambition scripts and rethink what success can actually feel like. I also like that this isn't just another inspo book, but one with a lot of practical ideas. Whether you're leading teams, juggling roles, or simply trying to reclaim your energy, Toxic Grit gives you permission to reject the grind and instead build something that aligns with who you are.
August 12, 2025
I absolutely loved it - it felt like it spoke right to where I am in life. I’m moving countries this year and rebuilding from scratch, and this book wrapped together so many powerful ideas from psychology and productivity in a way that felt both encouraging and easy to put into practice. It’s been such a reassuring companion in this transition and made me think a lot. I’d recommend it to anyone wanting to step away from toxic grit and rebuild with more balance and purpose.
July 2, 2025
Wow. I was blown away by this book and how it dives into having what you want, and wanting what you have. There’s a struggle, especially as a woman in figuring out who you are and how to get there, and being gracious the entire time. Amanda helps break it down and explain the good side and the bad of characteristics we all have. This book is a must read.
July 3, 2025
This book is raw, emotional, and makes you feel seen.
Even though I couldn’t personally relate to everything Amanda went through, I was able to look introspectively at how the different characters that make up me play a role in my life.
If you want a better understand of how to navigate the many facets of your life, this book is a must read.
Even though I couldn’t personally relate to everything Amanda went through, I was able to look introspectively at how the different characters that make up me play a role in my life.
If you want a better understand of how to navigate the many facets of your life, this book is a must read.
July 6, 2025
I’ve been reading Amanda’s content for a long time and have always learned a lot from her socials, webinars and newsletters. I’m ecstatic that her book is a continuation/culmination of everything she has been teaching for a long time! We’re told we can’t have balance and success at the same time, once has to be sacrificed for the other. Welp, that idea is turn on its head in this wonderful read!
July 22, 2025
What a beautiful read. In the intro to this book, Amanda promises to help you "marie condo" your life, identifying the many characters (read: versions of self) residing within you, and reframing ambition and success through the lens of joy. She delivers. This book is a must read for women everywhere navigating their own dreams in work, life and love.
August 21, 2025
This is a book I wish I had years ago when I started my career. Amanda's framework of 10 inner characters, and how to be fully present within each for a sensible portion of time, is brilliant. My description can't do it justice...If you're a woman feeling guilt, like you want to be more in several life areas but also desperately want a vacation (every woman?! lol) - I recommend this book.
December 22, 2025
This book gets 5 stars because it whole heartedly taught me more about myself than I ever could’ve thought. If you’re someone who struggles with anxiety or is honestly so confused then PLEASE read this. I hope it changes the way I approach life and I genuinely want to take all the tips and apply them to my life because they are so relevant.
January 26, 2026
Reading this book was like a roadmap out of burnout. It couldn’t have come at a better time. For a long time, I’ve felt as if there are so many parts of me missing. These chapters opened the door to empower me to find them again and help them grow.
I look forward to the journey as I go back and work through each section with more intentionality.
I look forward to the journey as I go back and work through each section with more intentionality.
July 3, 2025
I don't usually write reviews but I'm a couple of chapters into this one and I'm too excited about it to keep it to myself! What a breath of fresh air - great advice, for your whole self, that's actually enjoyable to read. I'm totally engrossed and can't wait until my next break to keep reading!
July 4, 2025
Amanda is a brilliant and expansive role model for a new way of approaching life and work. She gives us all the permission to stop hustling for the sake of hustling and to intentionally build our lives in a way that is fulfilling and aligned.
August 29, 2025
Reading Toxic Grit feels like sitting with a wise friend who reminds you that success isn’t about balance, it’s about intention and joy. Amanda’s words will stay with me for a long, long time. Such a much-needed blueprint for anyone who wants to level up and sustain it for the long haul!
December 31, 2025
WOW! This was filled to the brim with incredible information and perspective. I read this semi quickly because I checked it out from the library. I think I could easily read it 5 more times to soak in all the nuggets. I can’t recommend this book enough for women, especially entrepreneurs.
January 1, 2026
As not the target audience, take my opinion with a grain of salt, however for the most part, I think this book is a very good book, and the ideas are very good (even if I may not use any or all of them). Don't question why I read this, it was like the only book in the house 😂
January 25, 2026
4.5…I really liked this one! Any good self help that gives you actual tips is a win in my book. Very interesting and relatable read talking about you being the director of your movie (life) and what characters you want to give the most screen time to and when
January 7, 2026
Listened to her on a podcast interview and that is what made me read the book. I wanted to like it more but her idea of ten characters within a person was a bit much...
January 13, 2026
Wanted to love this, and I did like the talk about characters in the beginning. The middle and end was just basic advice that we’ve all heard. I wish it brought in more science or psychology into it.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 31 reviews