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The Opposite of Spoiled: Raising Kids Who Are Grounded, Generous, and Smart About Money
In the spirit of Wendy Mogel’s The Blessing of a Skinned Knee and Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman’s Nurture Shock, New York Times “Your Money” columnist Ron Lieber delivers a taboo-shattering manifesto that explains how talking openly to children about money can help parents raise modest, patient, grounded young adults who are financially wise beyond their years. For Ron Lieber, a personal finance columnist and father, good parenting means talking about money with our kids. Children are hyper-aware of money, and they have scores of questions about its nuances. But when parents shy away from the topic, they lose a tremendous opportunity—not just to model the basic financial behaviors that are increasingly important for young adults but also to imprint lessons about what the family truly values. Written in a warm, accessible voice, grounded in real-world experience and stories from families with a range of incomes, The Opposite of Spoiled is both a practical guidebook and a values-based philosophy. The foundation of the book is a detailed blueprint for the best ways to handle the the tooth fairy, allowance, chores, charity, saving, birthdays, holidays, cell phones, checking accounts, clothing, cars, part-time jobs, and college tuition. It identifies a set of traits and virtues that embody the opposite of spoiled, and shares how to embrace the topic of money to help parents raise kids who are more generous and less materialistic. But The Opposite of Spoiled is also a promise to our kids that we will make them better with money than we are. It is for all of the parents who know that honest conversations about money with their curious children can help them become more patient and prudent, but who don’t know how and when to start.
256 pages, Hardcover
First published February 1, 2015
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 1,060 reviews
June 10, 2015
When you hear the uninspiring story of someone who lives in a 2 million dollar house who downsizes to a 1 million dollar house to display their social conscience, my response wants to be 'Good for them' but I'm afraid I struggled not to throw up in my mouth. I love the idea of this book, and talking to your children about financial reality is a good idea, but perhaps it is geared to the 1%, of which I am not a member. Let me quote: 'They've grown wealthy through long hours spent over two decades working in investment banking and the law. When they leave NYC during their limited time off, they want to treat themselves to hotel stays and experiences that are as relaxing and memorable as possible. ' I'd suggest that spoiled parents produce spoiled children, and much of this book reminds me of fund raisers the rich produce to make themselves feel good about themselves. The money that goes into the meals and entertainment dwarfs the money that goes to the charity. At the end, this is all about looking good, and I would further suggest that there are many of us can see the emperor's new clothes for exactly what they are: nothing.
March 29, 2016
Well-meaning and possessing an interesting core discussion on the importance of raising children that are generous and primed to be financially intelligent adults, it nonetheless is overly padded with distracting anecdotes that read like "rich people's problems" that make the whole read seem superficial and frustrating.
I purchased this book following an interview that the author, Ron Lieber, gave on Inside the New York Times Book Review podcast. It was a very good interview with just enough to hint at the promise of a compelling read with practical advice and scientific study. The contents between the covers, however, seem better suited to a long magazine article or a lengthy interview rather than a full-length book.
Lieber is a personal financial advice columnist for the NY Times and the whole thing is just brimming with anecdotes in a Malcolm Gladwell sort of way. While Gladwell is often able to weave such anecdotes together into a (convincing or not) central argument, Lieber fails to find a truly overarching narrative or thesis that pulls it all together. Too few of these stories are based on scientific studies or psychological theory--when they do appear they are a welcome presence--with the vast majority looking at the real and specific financial circumstances of a particular family, which often took my mind off the nuggets of practicality that were being developed in the specific chapter (and, again, could have been better distilled down to a really good article or essay).
In his interview, Lieber stated the book was more useful for those making above $70,000 a year. In the book, that number was stated as being closer to $50,000. These are not unreasonable annual salaries for the "middle class" so often tossed around in the book. Much of the time, however, the examples and anecdotes pulled me from the overall message to ask "in what world are these people 'middle class' or even 'upper middle class'?" Consider the chapter on charity, overall one of the book's best, where a good discussion on giving and its explicit incorporation into family life is disrupted by the story of a family with an estimated $2 million house who plan to sell it at the urging of their kids to buy a $1 million house and give the rest to charity. When the house sells for about $700,000 short of the original value, the parents decide to make up the difference from their savings. What is clearly intended to show a family encouraging their children to be actively generous instead has me awestruck at the casual way it is presented.
Since many of these stories came to him through his paid speaking tours across the country, I can only assume it reflects a circle he is more comfortable moving within. There is a lot of evidence that the vast majority of the US considers themselves middle class (just like most people say they are above average drivers, despite the statistical impossibility of that), but this disconnect between some of the author's subjects and this reality is not addressed until the penultimate chapter. Spotlighting this disconnect earlier may have served to reduce its distracting quality.
The writing style is simple and conversational, reminiscent of Gladwell again and suitable for the whole story-centric approach. This appears to reflect the author's professional background as each chapter would not be out of place if found as part of advice column. It's not enough to make up for any flaws, but a "how to" book of this type isn't looking to do more than convey a message.
Overall, while a topic worthy of investigating, too little content is stretched too thin to consider it a good value.
I purchased this book following an interview that the author, Ron Lieber, gave on Inside the New York Times Book Review podcast. It was a very good interview with just enough to hint at the promise of a compelling read with practical advice and scientific study. The contents between the covers, however, seem better suited to a long magazine article or a lengthy interview rather than a full-length book.
Lieber is a personal financial advice columnist for the NY Times and the whole thing is just brimming with anecdotes in a Malcolm Gladwell sort of way. While Gladwell is often able to weave such anecdotes together into a (convincing or not) central argument, Lieber fails to find a truly overarching narrative or thesis that pulls it all together. Too few of these stories are based on scientific studies or psychological theory--when they do appear they are a welcome presence--with the vast majority looking at the real and specific financial circumstances of a particular family, which often took my mind off the nuggets of practicality that were being developed in the specific chapter (and, again, could have been better distilled down to a really good article or essay).
In his interview, Lieber stated the book was more useful for those making above $70,000 a year. In the book, that number was stated as being closer to $50,000. These are not unreasonable annual salaries for the "middle class" so often tossed around in the book. Much of the time, however, the examples and anecdotes pulled me from the overall message to ask "in what world are these people 'middle class' or even 'upper middle class'?" Consider the chapter on charity, overall one of the book's best, where a good discussion on giving and its explicit incorporation into family life is disrupted by the story of a family with an estimated $2 million house who plan to sell it at the urging of their kids to buy a $1 million house and give the rest to charity. When the house sells for about $700,000 short of the original value, the parents decide to make up the difference from their savings. What is clearly intended to show a family encouraging their children to be actively generous instead has me awestruck at the casual way it is presented.
Since many of these stories came to him through his paid speaking tours across the country, I can only assume it reflects a circle he is more comfortable moving within. There is a lot of evidence that the vast majority of the US considers themselves middle class (just like most people say they are above average drivers, despite the statistical impossibility of that), but this disconnect between some of the author's subjects and this reality is not addressed until the penultimate chapter. Spotlighting this disconnect earlier may have served to reduce its distracting quality.
The writing style is simple and conversational, reminiscent of Gladwell again and suitable for the whole story-centric approach. This appears to reflect the author's professional background as each chapter would not be out of place if found as part of advice column. It's not enough to make up for any flaws, but a "how to" book of this type isn't looking to do more than convey a message.
Overall, while a topic worthy of investigating, too little content is stretched too thin to consider it a good value.
March 6, 2015
"Did you ask a good question today?" Praise children for asking good questions and give straight answers so they will trust you.
When asked a question by children, first respond "why do you ask?" They may not be thinking what you are thinking, and it buys you time.
Fun ratio - hours of fun per dollar spent
More-good/Less-harm rule for needs
Kids are on a quest for dignity, feelings of self-worth often rise and fall on constantly shifting standards around the possessions and experiences that matter in their own little worlds.
Mute TV commercials and make up absurd fake dialogue of what was being sold
Get kids involved in the family's giving. The Power of Half is an amazing story of a family that sold their house and gave (over) half away.
Angela Duckworth at Penn has popularized "grit" (see also How Children Succeed) and thinks getting a job as a teen is a big driver. "I would break the law to get my preteen kids a job right now. Where their boss is not their mom. Someone who doesn't give a shit and you just have to show up and perform."
Most important lesson was the importance of gratitude.
When asked a question by children, first respond "why do you ask?" They may not be thinking what you are thinking, and it buys you time.
Fun ratio - hours of fun per dollar spent
More-good/Less-harm rule for needs
Kids are on a quest for dignity, feelings of self-worth often rise and fall on constantly shifting standards around the possessions and experiences that matter in their own little worlds.
Mute TV commercials and make up absurd fake dialogue of what was being sold
Get kids involved in the family's giving. The Power of Half is an amazing story of a family that sold their house and gave (over) half away.
Angela Duckworth at Penn has popularized "grit" (see also How Children Succeed) and thinks getting a job as a teen is a big driver. "I would break the law to get my preteen kids a job right now. Where their boss is not their mom. Someone who doesn't give a shit and you just have to show up and perform."
Most important lesson was the importance of gratitude.
February 5, 2015
(I received a galley of this from the publisher)
After reading the piece Ron Lieber did on the times about this very subject (here), I was intrigued about the book. While most of the information in this book won't apply to my child for a few more years, it was still good to get the seed planted.
Like many Chinese, I grew up in a family where money was talked about a lot, so I couldn't really relate to some of the families in this book. I still found it informational though, because the taboo about talking about money in public is still widely practiced with my non-Chinese friends. The main concern that made me want to read this was about raising a child who was not entitled and would be smart about money, which Lieber addresses fairly well.
There aren't explicit answers in this book to the common but difficult questions surrounding kids and money, but I appreciated that it had many examples of what other parents did and what worked for them.
A specific takeaway that made reading this worth it is the idea of giving coupons instead of gifts or money for presents. Coupons that say, "skip eating vegetables for one meal without any consequences" or "stop what you're doing and play with me" would probably be just as exciting for kids than a new toy.
After reading the piece Ron Lieber did on the times about this very subject (here), I was intrigued about the book. While most of the information in this book won't apply to my child for a few more years, it was still good to get the seed planted.
Like many Chinese, I grew up in a family where money was talked about a lot, so I couldn't really relate to some of the families in this book. I still found it informational though, because the taboo about talking about money in public is still widely practiced with my non-Chinese friends. The main concern that made me want to read this was about raising a child who was not entitled and would be smart about money, which Lieber addresses fairly well.
There aren't explicit answers in this book to the common but difficult questions surrounding kids and money, but I appreciated that it had many examples of what other parents did and what worked for them.
A specific takeaway that made reading this worth it is the idea of giving coupons instead of gifts or money for presents. Coupons that say, "skip eating vegetables for one meal without any consequences" or "stop what you're doing and play with me" would probably be just as exciting for kids than a new toy.
October 25, 2014
√ Practical, Lots of Good Ideas
THE OPPOSITE OF SPOILED is an extensive investigation into why kids are spoiled--and more importantly, what we can do to avoid that mistake.
There are lots of practical tips, interviews, and stories from families that have tried different methods to make your kids
value work and spend their money wisely. For example, the author gives an example of one family that calculates the most fun per dollar spent on their recreation. The whole family gets together and discusses what's the best use of their money.
Ron notes that spoiled kids have four things in common. First, they don't have many chores; second they don't have any rules; thirdly they have lots of free time assistance; and fourthly, they have a lot of stuff.
Here are some other great ideas:
♦ It's important to talk to your kids about money matters; "Take out the bills and show them. Let them ask all the questions they want."
♦ Teach kids delayed gratification: "How to delay gratification is a key part of learning to handle money well... "Teaching our children the ability to wait is a big part of our overall goal, and what's most important about allowance is what will happen when they're too old to get one."
♦ It used to be that people compare themselves to others horizontally. But now it's possible to compare yourself vertically - that is against wealthy people.
♦ Studies have shown that kids who watch commercials are much more likely to want to play with a toy rather than with other kids. So the author recommends severely limiting watching of commercials.
♦ Encourage your kids to give money away: "Storing allowance money in a 'give jar' along with the 'spend' and 'save' ones will help. Its presence reminds younger children to think about causes they want to support."
♦ Use creative ways to help your kids enjoy and perform use for work: "Kids like to work and enjoy earning money, but we don't do a good enough job of encouraging there industrious this." Kids have an instinct to work we just need to encourage it: "Our job, then, is to stoke that instinct to work and earn and see just how far their natural born industriousness takes them."
♦ Instill gratitude by having your family learn to say some type of grace before meals.
√ All in all, THE OPPOSITE OF SPOILED is a practical, encouraging book with lots of great ideas. At the end of the book is a "Notes" supporting the comments in the body of the book. There is also an extensive bibliography.
♫ A Review by Chris Lawson
Note: I do not know the author of this book, and no one--not even my spoiled kids--requested I write this review.
THE OPPOSITE OF SPOILED is an extensive investigation into why kids are spoiled--and more importantly, what we can do to avoid that mistake.
There are lots of practical tips, interviews, and stories from families that have tried different methods to make your kids
value work and spend their money wisely. For example, the author gives an example of one family that calculates the most fun per dollar spent on their recreation. The whole family gets together and discusses what's the best use of their money.
Ron notes that spoiled kids have four things in common. First, they don't have many chores; second they don't have any rules; thirdly they have lots of free time assistance; and fourthly, they have a lot of stuff.
Here are some other great ideas:
♦ It's important to talk to your kids about money matters; "Take out the bills and show them. Let them ask all the questions they want."
♦ Teach kids delayed gratification: "How to delay gratification is a key part of learning to handle money well... "Teaching our children the ability to wait is a big part of our overall goal, and what's most important about allowance is what will happen when they're too old to get one."
♦ It used to be that people compare themselves to others horizontally. But now it's possible to compare yourself vertically - that is against wealthy people.
♦ Studies have shown that kids who watch commercials are much more likely to want to play with a toy rather than with other kids. So the author recommends severely limiting watching of commercials.
♦ Encourage your kids to give money away: "Storing allowance money in a 'give jar' along with the 'spend' and 'save' ones will help. Its presence reminds younger children to think about causes they want to support."
♦ Use creative ways to help your kids enjoy and perform use for work: "Kids like to work and enjoy earning money, but we don't do a good enough job of encouraging there industrious this." Kids have an instinct to work we just need to encourage it: "Our job, then, is to stoke that instinct to work and earn and see just how far their natural born industriousness takes them."
♦ Instill gratitude by having your family learn to say some type of grace before meals.
√ All in all, THE OPPOSITE OF SPOILED is a practical, encouraging book with lots of great ideas. At the end of the book is a "Notes" supporting the comments in the body of the book. There is also an extensive bibliography.
♫ A Review by Chris Lawson
Note: I do not know the author of this book, and no one--not even my spoiled kids--requested I write this review.
February 22, 2015
This was a one-day read for me. The book was easy to read, but the topic is something we discuss in our household without reaching any easy answers. When kids are raised in a household that wants for very little, how do we teach them to be grateful for this abundance? How do we start teaching kids financial literacy? Kids are naturally curious and this book gives great advice about tackling questions related to poverty, charity, salaries, expenses, budgets, and decision-making. I'll be re-reading this book with my husband so we can apply this to our lives thoughtfully. Highly recommended to parents of any income bracket.
August 31, 2016
Concise, Clear, Concrete. Those are the adjectives that make a good parenting book for me. Presumably parents don't have a ton of time to read about parenting, so having a book that's on the spare side is a plus. This book loses a little bit on the clarity point. Lieber doesn't seem a hundred percent sold on his concept. He's written a book that tries to address all social strata, but doesn't do so evenly--the book is definitely more geared toward the wealthy. On concrete, there wasn't actually a plan to follow, but there were plenty of good ideas, some that I plan to implement immediately.
What's interesting to me is that many of his ideas are driven by child-led curiosity. My child could not be less interested in the concept of money. As far as she sees it, stuff just arrives, and we have enough, so life is good. When prodded about how our family gives, she just looked at me blankly and said she didn't know. The week prior her class had been talking about wants vs. needs, and she had taken a pair of shoes to school to donate to the local mission, and we had also gone through her closet and bagged outgrown clothes to donate as well. It was completely gone from her consciousness, might as well have never happened. I guess I have an additional task of drawing her interest to more practical matters.
We are definitely introducing a more formal allowance and are going to try to engage her more in the idea of why things cost money and how much. This book was a fascinating primer on how to get that conversation going.
Update: 08/30/16. It's been 15 months since I read this, and we're still using the allowance system suggested by the book. We empty the give jar about every six months, and we've had plenty of fun with matching donations if she selects a charity we care about (Yay, shelter dogs!). The save jar is currently stuffed in anticipation of Pokemon Moon, which she plans to buy for herself, and the spend jar is usually down to a couple of dollars in quarters. It IS a pain to keep enough ones on hand to pay her, but most of the time I can break a $20 on her save jar, and I had to set a reminder to make sure I pay her promptly. The best and most unanticipated result is that she has stopped asking for stuff. On the rare occasions she does, I simply ask if she has enough in her allowance, and that's that. If I'd known that this would be the result of implementing a formal allowance, I would have done it ages ago.
What's interesting to me is that many of his ideas are driven by child-led curiosity. My child could not be less interested in the concept of money. As far as she sees it, stuff just arrives, and we have enough, so life is good. When prodded about how our family gives, she just looked at me blankly and said she didn't know. The week prior her class had been talking about wants vs. needs, and she had taken a pair of shoes to school to donate to the local mission, and we had also gone through her closet and bagged outgrown clothes to donate as well. It was completely gone from her consciousness, might as well have never happened. I guess I have an additional task of drawing her interest to more practical matters.
We are definitely introducing a more formal allowance and are going to try to engage her more in the idea of why things cost money and how much. This book was a fascinating primer on how to get that conversation going.
Update: 08/30/16. It's been 15 months since I read this, and we're still using the allowance system suggested by the book. We empty the give jar about every six months, and we've had plenty of fun with matching donations if she selects a charity we care about (Yay, shelter dogs!). The save jar is currently stuffed in anticipation of Pokemon Moon, which she plans to buy for herself, and the spend jar is usually down to a couple of dollars in quarters. It IS a pain to keep enough ones on hand to pay her, but most of the time I can break a $20 on her save jar, and I had to set a reminder to make sure I pay her promptly. The best and most unanticipated result is that she has stopped asking for stuff. On the rare occasions she does, I simply ask if she has enough in her allowance, and that's that. If I'd known that this would be the result of implementing a formal allowance, I would have done it ages ago.
June 2, 2015
Really disappointing, as I read Lieber's column occasionally and had high hopes. Unfortunately, nothing new here. I have kids in elementary school, but the book not only didn’t offer anything interesting, it had some cringe-worthy moments.
Lieber seems out of his element. He doesn’t appear to understand the social issues around poverty and is instead revealing his own privilege in describing the world through his lens, a distorted view:
p. 14 “..there’s no shame in having more or having less, as long as you’re grateful for what you have, share it generously with others, and spend it wisely on the things that make you happiest.”
This patronizing proclamation allows the rich feel comfortable as long as they donate a little bit (he reports correctly that the rich donate a smaller percentage of their income than the poor, even though they have much more discretionary income); while the poor are excused from shame (what about anger?!) but prodded in spite of their lack of resources to be generous and grateful--and wise, though their education is lacking and they are preyed upon by unscrupulous businesses like mortgage lenders, pay-day lenders, car lenders, and for-profit educational institutions that take their money and leave them without a degree or a car or a home at the end of the day when they default.
He makes much of a wealthy family who adopted 2 black Haitian boys and how great they were for enrolling them in a soccer team with poor Dominican families. Their birth daughter brought blueberries one day and everyone wanted to try them because they had never tried them before! What great folks, to bring blueberries to these poor soccer players. He admits that the wealthy mom couldn’t speak Spanish so just sat on her hands and didn’t have anything to do during games and practices. It doesn’t sound like they made friends or mixed at all into this community. They were doing some local poor-people tourism to teach their kids about the other side, but what did the kids learn, other than that it sucks to be poor?
Lieber seems out of his element. He doesn’t appear to understand the social issues around poverty and is instead revealing his own privilege in describing the world through his lens, a distorted view:
p. 14 “..there’s no shame in having more or having less, as long as you’re grateful for what you have, share it generously with others, and spend it wisely on the things that make you happiest.”
This patronizing proclamation allows the rich feel comfortable as long as they donate a little bit (he reports correctly that the rich donate a smaller percentage of their income than the poor, even though they have much more discretionary income); while the poor are excused from shame (what about anger?!) but prodded in spite of their lack of resources to be generous and grateful--and wise, though their education is lacking and they are preyed upon by unscrupulous businesses like mortgage lenders, pay-day lenders, car lenders, and for-profit educational institutions that take their money and leave them without a degree or a car or a home at the end of the day when they default.
He makes much of a wealthy family who adopted 2 black Haitian boys and how great they were for enrolling them in a soccer team with poor Dominican families. Their birth daughter brought blueberries one day and everyone wanted to try them because they had never tried them before! What great folks, to bring blueberries to these poor soccer players. He admits that the wealthy mom couldn’t speak Spanish so just sat on her hands and didn’t have anything to do during games and practices. It doesn’t sound like they made friends or mixed at all into this community. They were doing some local poor-people tourism to teach their kids about the other side, but what did the kids learn, other than that it sucks to be poor?
March 6, 2015
I appreciated Lieber's thoughtful and intelligent book about how to raise kids who are thoughtful and intelligent about money. Major take-aways for me included:
- Be honest about finances (your own, your family's and other people's financial situations) with your kids.
- While it's easier to say "we can't buy that" it's usually more honest to say but more difficult to say "we won't buy that" -- explaining why that purchase doesn't align with your family's values takes time but teaches invaluable lessons
- when kids ask "are we rich?" or "are we poor?" or "is Kathi's family rich?" respond with a question (with a kind, open-ended tone of voice): "What makes you ask?"
- "maybe it's fine to be a little jealous, while not feeling utterly deprived"
- The three-jar approach to allowance is one approach to allowance: Spend, Save, Give jars allow kids to use money in three very different ways
- teaching kids how to make decisions about THEIR money is important. talking through what'll give them the biggest bang for their buck is important, but also talking through poor decisions after the fact is just as important
- practicing spending money (which means sometimes wasting it) is part of the game
- chores: some families tie them to allowance, some families don't
- decades ago kids worked. hard. now, we don't place many responsibilities on our children. we really should--kids are future laborers and we should expect them to be useful
- the goal is to raise thoughtful "people with a healthy definition of enough that is unique to them and isn't based on what everyone else has or does"
- Be honest about finances (your own, your family's and other people's financial situations) with your kids.
- While it's easier to say "we can't buy that" it's usually more honest to say but more difficult to say "we won't buy that" -- explaining why that purchase doesn't align with your family's values takes time but teaches invaluable lessons
- when kids ask "are we rich?" or "are we poor?" or "is Kathi's family rich?" respond with a question (with a kind, open-ended tone of voice): "What makes you ask?"
- "maybe it's fine to be a little jealous, while not feeling utterly deprived"
- The three-jar approach to allowance is one approach to allowance: Spend, Save, Give jars allow kids to use money in three very different ways
- teaching kids how to make decisions about THEIR money is important. talking through what'll give them the biggest bang for their buck is important, but also talking through poor decisions after the fact is just as important
- practicing spending money (which means sometimes wasting it) is part of the game
- chores: some families tie them to allowance, some families don't
- decades ago kids worked. hard. now, we don't place many responsibilities on our children. we really should--kids are future laborers and we should expect them to be useful
- the goal is to raise thoughtful "people with a healthy definition of enough that is unique to them and isn't based on what everyone else has or does"
February 1, 2015
I received this book as part of the Goodreads First Reads Program for the purpose of a fair review.
Overview: Mr. Lieber has his reputation for being a money man for the New York Times. How much help will this be when it comes to talking to children about money? Let’s find out, shall we?
Likes: It’s a good idea to keep your children’s allowance free from being tied to their chores, but it should be tied to something. My suggestion is to tie it to their self-control. They will work at it then. Some of the stories, particularly the ones from Yoni and the little girl in Detroit, were pretty good.
Dislikes: I saw some of the ideas, that were advocated, dangerous in that the lessons to the children weren’t very beneficial. Giving is good, but it should come from the heart, not from your possessions. And it should only be between you and your Maker.
Conclusion: I didn’t like this book very much. It took something simple, and complicated it. Having the best isn’t the same thing as being spoiled. Being spoiled comes down to how you handle what you do, or don’t, have.
Overview: Mr. Lieber has his reputation for being a money man for the New York Times. How much help will this be when it comes to talking to children about money? Let’s find out, shall we?
Likes: It’s a good idea to keep your children’s allowance free from being tied to their chores, but it should be tied to something. My suggestion is to tie it to their self-control. They will work at it then. Some of the stories, particularly the ones from Yoni and the little girl in Detroit, were pretty good.
Dislikes: I saw some of the ideas, that were advocated, dangerous in that the lessons to the children weren’t very beneficial. Giving is good, but it should come from the heart, not from your possessions. And it should only be between you and your Maker.
Conclusion: I didn’t like this book very much. It took something simple, and complicated it. Having the best isn’t the same thing as being spoiled. Being spoiled comes down to how you handle what you do, or don’t, have.
March 17, 2016
Loved it. Good mix of inspiration and practical advice. Tried some of the more age-appropriate suggestions with my 3 year old and its producing results! He now understands when he can't buy an 8 dollar toy car when he only has 3 dollars in his jar. Plus, if he goes to a store and doesn't buy anything, he gets an extra dollar as a bonus for saving his money. My son still ends up breaking the bank every so often but it's super cool to see him make his own money decisions.
April 14, 2015
This is a very hesitant 3 stars - while I liked the ideas in this book (some of them are really excellent), I did not actually like reading it. Whoa dang the smug writing is hard to stomach. Why so smug? Just say your ideas, dude. They're good. You don't have to be an ass about it.
April 20, 2015
Quick yet tedious read. Summary - parents tell your kids "no" and make them work instead of letting them sit inside playing video games. Common sense to most of us, or is it?
April 8, 2015
Being a parent is tough. It's literally the most rewarding thing a person can do, but there is no instruction manual. The thing you learn early on is that everyone is just winging it. Your parents, your grandparents, Adam, Eve, Noah. Winging it, every last one of them. The problem with that is you second-guess yourself constantly. Am I doing this well? Am I taking short-cuts? And the truth is, you'll never know for sure until it's too late, and you're either attending your kid's Ivy League graduation, or bailing them out of jail for the 3rd time.
My wife and I do okay. We're upwardly mobile, but we're surrounded by people of similar circumstances, so it's easy to forget how well my kids have it. Every parent has their "in my day, we never had iPhones or Facebook -- we went outside and played with our friends. And we liked it!" And that's true. And maybe it's better. But more likely, it's just different. And that's the thing -- every generation is different, and every parent is left to navigate a new world that they don't totally understand, or even realize is the world they're living in now. So you can't just look around and say, "well, the Smiths do it this way, that's good enough for me." You have to figure it out for yourself as you go. Wing it. And that's a tough thing to do when your responsible for the happiness and well-being of small human lives.
So it's helpful to have books like "The Opposite of Spoiled" to help guide the way. Not every piece of advice or idea is perfect, but they're all well-thought out and intentioned. There are a number of tips and ideas that my wife and I have already instituted (the save, spend, donate jars for allowance, the idea of giving kids fiscal responsibility and allowing them to make mistakes with it), and many more that we'll keep in mind as our kids get older.
Some of the advice is silly, or even a little condescending (more so from uber-rich parents giving their advice or experiences than the author, but implicitly condoned by their inclusion in the book), and I rolled my eyes more than once, but I appreciate what Lieber is trying to do with this book, and all the stories and anecdotes come from a perspective of trying to improve the world and our kids. It's a good quick read, and I feel like it's made me a better parent already.
My wife and I do okay. We're upwardly mobile, but we're surrounded by people of similar circumstances, so it's easy to forget how well my kids have it. Every parent has their "in my day, we never had iPhones or Facebook -- we went outside and played with our friends. And we liked it!" And that's true. And maybe it's better. But more likely, it's just different. And that's the thing -- every generation is different, and every parent is left to navigate a new world that they don't totally understand, or even realize is the world they're living in now. So you can't just look around and say, "well, the Smiths do it this way, that's good enough for me." You have to figure it out for yourself as you go. Wing it. And that's a tough thing to do when your responsible for the happiness and well-being of small human lives.
So it's helpful to have books like "The Opposite of Spoiled" to help guide the way. Not every piece of advice or idea is perfect, but they're all well-thought out and intentioned. There are a number of tips and ideas that my wife and I have already instituted (the save, spend, donate jars for allowance, the idea of giving kids fiscal responsibility and allowing them to make mistakes with it), and many more that we'll keep in mind as our kids get older.
Some of the advice is silly, or even a little condescending (more so from uber-rich parents giving their advice or experiences than the author, but implicitly condoned by their inclusion in the book), and I rolled my eyes more than once, but I appreciate what Lieber is trying to do with this book, and all the stories and anecdotes come from a perspective of trying to improve the world and our kids. It's a good quick read, and I feel like it's made me a better parent already.
January 31, 2015
More reviews (and no fluff) on the blog http://surrealtalvi.wordpress.com/
The subtitle is really the key to this book: this is about everything having to do with money and raising kids to be smart about it: from being honest about how much you make (and other financial matters) to learning to save, spend wisely, and give. Raising kids who aren't spoiled isn't a main objective so much as a side result of helping them to be wise about money. Note that it really isn't about ways for lower income families to deal with lack of money so much as higher income families manage an abundant stream available to their kids.The book breaks down into sections: Talking about finances with your kids, allowance, save/spend/give, impulse control, giving to others/charities, jobs/work ethics for teens, and more. There are some excellent points made about things we take for granted: e.g., the topic on allowances was very enlightening and challenged some long held beliefs I had about how/why/when I give an allowance. As well, a section on managing teen issues such as wants/needs (brand name jeans, video games, etc.) was also very informative.
Since the book was about money, none of the emotional issues such as overparenting/helicopter parenting/doing everything for a child instead of letting them do it/fail are not discussed. I disagree with the author a bit that managing money alone will help keep children from being spoiled. But on the single subject of finances and kids (which encompasses much more than the spoiled title), there is a lot of good information here.
Suitable for parents with toddlers through teen years (even college years, a bit), the book has a broad reach. It is an easy, if dry, read that can be finished in a few hours. Reviewed from an advance reader copy provided by the publisher.
January 30, 2016
First, to be nit-picky, this book could have benefitted from better editing - both with details (too many sentences starting with "so"!) and the bigger picture. Second/however, I cannot justify giving it a lower rating, because the book raises and discusses issues that are too often overlooked in our society, or seem so overwhelming that no one wishes to ever address them in any meaningful way. While the author's writing style can be a bit annoying, the book does contain many interesting anecdotes on how various families and schools handle different issues and situations, and generally addresses issues which really need to be considered by more American families and parents.
January 17, 2018
I don’t read many parenting books anymore and the ones I do read tend to revolve around specific issues, like how to talk to your kids about money. This had a lot of good thoughts and practical ideas, a few of which my husband and I have already started implementing. However, where it fell short for me was that many, many of the examples are from very privileged, highly educated families. It feels like a book directed at the most wealthy families, even though he makes a point of saying that the average American family makes around $50,000 a year and is immensely privileged compared to others around the world. For example, he tells the story of one family who chose to “downsize” from a $2 million home to a $1 million home and give the profits to charity. Really? How is that an accessible example? There are no examples that I noticed for how a family living on food stamps can cultivate gratefulness and generosity and learn money management. Are these not qualities that low income families also need to instill in children? Or is it only rich people who need their kids to learn this? The only lower income question comes in a brief few pages discussing what to say if your kids ask if you are poor.
The second area where it fell short was that it’s just not coming from the same worldview as mine and I would love to read a book on this topic from a biblical standpoint and not just a secular, moralistic, “do good”, viewpoint.
I definitely think it’s worth reading to get yourself thinking about how to teach your kids about money but just know that not every reader will be able to connect with the given examples.
The second area where it fell short was that it’s just not coming from the same worldview as mine and I would love to read a book on this topic from a biblical standpoint and not just a secular, moralistic, “do good”, viewpoint.
I definitely think it’s worth reading to get yourself thinking about how to teach your kids about money but just know that not every reader will be able to connect with the given examples.
March 7, 2015
I enjoyed Ron's book and it has already provoked some very thoughtful discussions with my husband about how we talk to our kids about finances. Based on the stories and the suggestions in the books we are going to make some changes to how we handle our family economy. We will still tie allowance to chores (or requirements as they are called in our house) as I did not find his argument at all convincing that the two should not be linked. We will however allow freer access to the money they do earn (going with with the three jars rather than the "checking" system we have in place now). We will also be encouraging our children to work - both at extra money paying chores at home and at outside jobs. We are still working out the parameters, but we will also be requiring them to save money towards college. I already had a discussion with me eleven-year old today about how much college costs after he started asking about dorm rooms. We plan to be much more open with them about money and how it all works.
I only gave the book four stars because I often felt like the chapters were building to something more definitive in terms of suggestions, but then they just ended. Nonetheless, there was a lot of valuable stuff in the stories and anecdotes. I took a lot of notes and we have more reading to do, documentaries to seek out and projects to undertake because of this book. I definitely recommend it.
I only gave the book four stars because I often felt like the chapters were building to something more definitive in terms of suggestions, but then they just ended. Nonetheless, there was a lot of valuable stuff in the stories and anecdotes. I took a lot of notes and we have more reading to do, documentaries to seek out and projects to undertake because of this book. I definitely recommend it.
March 18, 2015
The most helpful advice in this book can be found in the chapter about allowance (chapter 3). Lieber argues for the "allowance not tied to chores" approach. While 89% of families make allowance contingent on chores, he believes that children ought to do chores "for the same reason we do--because the chores need to be done, and not with the expectation of compensation" (p. 46). His case is compelling, and after talking with my husband, we think it's worth a try. We really like the idea that allowance is a money management teaching tool, and Lieber's "Spend, Give, Save" system seems ideal for teaching kids good money habits. (Seeing as our kids don't have official assigned chores, nor do they receive an allowance, we'll be implementing systems for both!)
I still can't quite shake the feeling that handing your kids money on a weekly basis just because they belong to the family feeds feelings of entitlement. It's just going to require a change in the way I think about allowance and it will require a different dialogue.
After finishing this book I'm left feeling less worried about accidentally raising spoiled kids. Maybe we're on the right track; with continual effort hopefully we will eventually raise patient, thrifty, generous adults.
I still can't quite shake the feeling that handing your kids money on a weekly basis just because they belong to the family feeds feelings of entitlement. It's just going to require a change in the way I think about allowance and it will require a different dialogue.
After finishing this book I'm left feeling less worried about accidentally raising spoiled kids. Maybe we're on the right track; with continual effort hopefully we will eventually raise patient, thrifty, generous adults.
November 21, 2019
This book was exactly what I’d hoped it be. It provides practical advice on teaching children to handle money, including why allowance is important (money is a teaching tool and practice during childhood is important in order to succeed with whatever your income in adulthood). I’ll admit to being a complete failure in this department with my 12 year old, but no more. We have a plan and she’s thrilled with her newfound financial freedom. Also, this book was great on audio as it’s loaded with anecdotes and reasoning for his very simple system.
January 25, 2021
In my opinion, a really excellent book, one of the best I’ve read so far in both genres: parenting and personal finance. Takes a big-picture, values-centered approach with enough specific examples and suggestions to be concretely useful. My daughter is a bit too young for most of the practical ideas, so I’d probably like to read again in a few years. One of the only personal finance books I’ve read that didn’t make me despair at the amorality.
October 10, 2024
4.5 ⭐️ This book provides a really helpful framework for how to have healthy conversations about money with your kids! I think many of the principles would be more helpful for someone with older kids, but I learned some I can see incorporating into conversations with our kids at a young age! Overall, he has a lot to say about raising kids who are hard working, wise with their money, and generous towards others. He mostly addresses how we shape the ways kids perceive money, and gives practical ideas to help kids get experience handling money from a young age.
Some of the parts I found most helpful were how we talk about our income level, and recognizing that this is often an emotionally-charged topic that we tend to avoid. Our goal is to raise kids who make wise financial decisions, regardless of how much money they make. He provides some really good “scripts” for answering questions like “are we rich?” or “why don’t we have x, y, z?”
The author isn’t a Christian, but I saw lots of ways for us to incorporate our faith into these conversations. For instance, The author talks a lot about generosity, and the value of teaching kids to enjoy sharing with others. He’s chalks it up to evolutionary tendencies, and that we crave companionship with others which requires we give to them. As a Christian I can approach this and see how God intends for us to be generous as he is generous, and that is the lesson I want to drive home with my kids. So while I disagree with the motivator behind what the author teaches, I think it is easily adapted with a Christian worldview.
Overall I thought it was a really practical, helpful book! Would definitely recommend to parents or honestly for yourself to challenge how you even view money.
Some of the parts I found most helpful were how we talk about our income level, and recognizing that this is often an emotionally-charged topic that we tend to avoid. Our goal is to raise kids who make wise financial decisions, regardless of how much money they make. He provides some really good “scripts” for answering questions like “are we rich?” or “why don’t we have x, y, z?”
The author isn’t a Christian, but I saw lots of ways for us to incorporate our faith into these conversations. For instance, The author talks a lot about generosity, and the value of teaching kids to enjoy sharing with others. He’s chalks it up to evolutionary tendencies, and that we crave companionship with others which requires we give to them. As a Christian I can approach this and see how God intends for us to be generous as he is generous, and that is the lesson I want to drive home with my kids. So while I disagree with the motivator behind what the author teaches, I think it is easily adapted with a Christian worldview.
Overall I thought it was a really practical, helpful book! Would definitely recommend to parents or honestly for yourself to challenge how you even view money.
February 10, 2022
If you’re interested in reading this book I suggest you do. If you want practical ideas they are here but they aren’t listed out in a direct how-to. You can get that online. If you’re reading this it’s because you want a deeper dive. There may be times this book will upset you.
Your “trigger” might be that the author says most Americans are middle class. It may be when he says you shouldn’t be ashamed if you have more and fails to call out the one percenters who are forcing us to struggle more. Indeed, a lot of this book seems aimed at people who aren’t struggling. But, this is why struggling people should read it!
No matter what you should educate your child about money & giving! Even if your family can only afford to give a little, this book shows how it will make your child happier.
Note: This book I mentions children and families with disabilities twice. It is in no way geared towards Neuro atypical/ disabled people or kids who have very different struggles with jobs, money management, and time. As a disabled mom with an ADHD kid I could rant about this. Instead I’m so glad I read the book and I know I need to work harder to think about how to modify these ideas for my family. While we have to worry more we will still be giving. As someone who was often the object of pity and unwanted charity this book does a great job in talking about how to give responsibly and ethically.
Your “trigger” might be that the author says most Americans are middle class. It may be when he says you shouldn’t be ashamed if you have more and fails to call out the one percenters who are forcing us to struggle more. Indeed, a lot of this book seems aimed at people who aren’t struggling. But, this is why struggling people should read it!
No matter what you should educate your child about money & giving! Even if your family can only afford to give a little, this book shows how it will make your child happier.
Note: This book I mentions children and families with disabilities twice. It is in no way geared towards Neuro atypical/ disabled people or kids who have very different struggles with jobs, money management, and time. As a disabled mom with an ADHD kid I could rant about this. Instead I’m so glad I read the book and I know I need to work harder to think about how to modify these ideas for my family. While we have to worry more we will still be giving. As someone who was often the object of pity and unwanted charity this book does a great job in talking about how to give responsibly and ethically.
April 8, 2023
Audible sale 6 hours 42 min. Narrated by Ron Lieber (A)
Mr. Lieberman is a personal finance columnist and a father who believes that good parenting includes talking with your children about money.. Are your kids curious about your family's finances? Have they ever asked uncomfortable questions? Do you want them to do better with their finances than you have been? This is a great book to help answer these questions. What does "spoiled" mean? I bought this. book to see if it might help my own children with their jobs as parents. I will definitely pass on its worth in time reading or listening. Lieberman is also on Facebook and has a new book for parents on The Price You Pay For College. Both are worth investigating.
This book is well-researched and contains many examples from real people from every class. There are great ideas to open conversations with kids, even at the dinner table or on the commute home from school. The best was, "Did you ask a good question today?
Check out more great ideas listed in Goodreads review by Christopher Lawson from October 2014.
Mr. Lieberman is a personal finance columnist and a father who believes that good parenting includes talking with your children about money.. Are your kids curious about your family's finances? Have they ever asked uncomfortable questions? Do you want them to do better with their finances than you have been? This is a great book to help answer these questions. What does "spoiled" mean? I bought this. book to see if it might help my own children with their jobs as parents. I will definitely pass on its worth in time reading or listening. Lieberman is also on Facebook and has a new book for parents on The Price You Pay For College. Both are worth investigating.
This book is well-researched and contains many examples from real people from every class. There are great ideas to open conversations with kids, even at the dinner table or on the commute home from school. The best was, "Did you ask a good question today?
Check out more great ideas listed in Goodreads review by Christopher Lawson from October 2014.
May 13, 2023
Takeaways: money SHOULD be talked about with kids. When curiosity gets them asking questions we should be honest and we nicely ask “why would you like to know?” Allowance not tied to performance has its merits. The point being teaching them money management. Better to learn younger than older when stakes are higher. Have a clear jar for spending, donations, and saving. Parents supply needs and some wants, if kid wants a certain brand of something then they pay themselves. Encourage kids to seek money making opportunities. Identify a problem, propose a solution and negotiate a wage. Kids should still be expected to contribute to the family in the form of chores. Consequences for lousy attitude/performance include loosing privileges like friend time, screen time etc. Encourage extra saving by creating a match system similar to 401k.
June 17, 2019
Книжка допомагає зрозуміти практичні принципи того, який вигляд може мати фінансове виховання у сім'ї. Автор наводить багато прикладів та історій реальних родин та їх "пошуків істини" в цій справі.
Однак важливо розуміти, що написана книга суто про американські сім' ї і описує суто американські реалії життя. Було б круто мати подібний посібничок від українського автора. Але маємо що маємо. І це вже непогано, бо особисто я знайшла відповідь, яку шукала, приступаючи за "Як говорити з дітьми про гроші".
Однак важливо розуміти, що написана книга суто про американські сім' ї і описує суто американські реалії життя. Було б круто мати подібний посібничок від українського автора. Але маємо що маємо. І це вже непогано, бо особисто я знайшла відповідь, яку шукала, приступаючи за "Як говорити з дітьми про гроші".
January 15, 2020
I really enjoyed this book as a collection of stories and best practices used by parents who have raised grounded children. I wish that the best practices had been simplified and there had been a clear summary of the lessons learned, but I appreciated it for what it was.
February 15, 2022
Great information and observations put forth by the author. It definitely is geared more towards families with “excess”. Some practices are a little outlandish for my personal life, but the last two chapters regarding gratitude and “how much is enough” were worth the whole book to me.
January 10, 2023
This book gave some good things to think about; it was more of a list of example stories vs actionable tips but did make ne start to think about some things I should work out on what I want to do with my kids
November 7, 2023
2.5 stars. Skimmed it. Some good ideas but I could tell there was a definite perspective of affluence which would’ve bothered me if I did an in-depth reading.
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