Amanda, A Cautionary Tale of Alcoholism

by Andrew Culkin

Andrew Culkin has been to hell and back. After a 25-year marriage to the love of his life, he powerfully delivers a first-hand account of the slow and grueling demise of his wife, who fell into the deep throes of alcoholism until her passing. The pain, sadness and horror are all grippingly documented in this raw and revealing memoir that will shock, educate and resonate with the millions of people who struggle with alcoholism personally or someone they love. “Amanda, A Cautionary Tale of Alcoholism” is a gripping page-turner that aims to destigmatize this treacherous disease that remains in the shadows. Culkin’s mission is for families to feel empowered to seek help without shame. Andrew Culkin is the creator of An Alcoholic in the Family which is designed to coach families so they can recognize symptoms of addiction and then provide ways to get into action to save a loved one’s life before it’s too late.

Genres: Memoir

325 pages, Paperback

Published December 12, 2024

Reviews

[Rachel M · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book would be more aptly titled Andrew, a cautionary tale of Codependency (and child abuse). The author should have refrained from telling his wife’s story and taken the time for deep exploration on his part in contributing to the painful demise of this family and how his choices exacerbated the trauma for his wife and son. While his reporting is likely inaccurate (and self serving) the medical community is also to blame for not referring him and their son to treatment at the same time as his wife. All in all tragic and infuriating book.

[Sofi · Rating 1 out of 5]

DNF @ 42%

The perspective this was written from came across as very heartless. I couldn’t in good consciousness keep reading.

[Cintia Paixão · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is raw and beautifully written. I felt genuine compassion for what they all went through, but I also wished there had been more understanding of Amanda’s struggles. She and Andrew were both deeply wounded, and their stubbornness kept them from building the safety they both needed.

Addiction is complex, yet Amanda is consistently portrayed as “the addict,” which allowed Andrew to avoid reflecting on his own part in their disconnection. From the very beginning there were no moments of genuine curiosity, validation, or emotional safety. What she needed was someone close to her who could sit with her pain, listen, and make her feel safe. Instead there was distance, blame, or distraction.

They mirrored each other throughout their marriage. She escaped into drinking, while he escaped by detaching or trying to manage her behaviour. Neither was willing to risk the vulnerability that might have brought real intimacy. By the time she went to rehab, the damage was already immense, yet Andrew still kept his distance from her healing. A marriage should mean two people holding space for each other’s wounds. That never happened here.

This story also reflects a broader societal problem. We often outsource suffering to professionals, forgetting that empathy and deep listening are basic human capacities. At the same time, when we cannot provide safety ourselves, we have a responsibility to reach for help. Things were allowed to spiral for far too long before Andrew spoke openly or sought outside support, even though resentment was growing every day. That was not fair to Amanda. If he could not create the safe environment she needed, then a therapist or intervention should have been brought in much earlier.

We should always wish the best for the ones we love. That does not mean tolerating destructive behaviour, but it does mean acting before silence hardens into despair. In this story, that responsibility was forgotten amidst all the pain and fear.

As Gabor Maté has written, “Not all addictions are rooted in abuse or trauma, but I do believe they can all be traced to painful experience. A hurt is at the centre of all addictive behaviours.” This book shows how addiction destroys families, but also how much we still fail to meet suffering with true empathy and connection. Sadly, this pattern is common in families living with addiction. At the heart of it, people are never just their struggles. They need to be met as whole human beings, with their wounds acknowledged and their needs truly understood.

[Tina · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read a lot of memoirs on addiction, and usually, i feel for everyone involved, but this was not the case here.

Yes, Amanda had a serious issue, but the author sounded so smug, ALL.THE.TIME. even at the very beginning of their relationship, and it just made me dislike him from the get. Somehow, the author's judgmental tendencies were just so obvious, including the fact that he clearly did not believe addiction was a disease.

I am also amazed at the fact that a) it took the author 77% of the story before he even mentioned AA, really???!!!!
b) How can the author be so clueless about addiction? In 2016? Nothing? And Al-Anon is never even mentioned. Which is something both the author and his son could have highly benefitted from.

Amanda appeared manipulative and had a very loose relationship with the truth. It is obvious that Griffin and his dad deserved so much better. However, Culkin, constantly daydreaming about leaving Amanda, got old fairly quickly, and in the end, it literally took death to finally set him free. I think when you reach the point where the imminent death of your wife doesn't really matter to you......you should probably have left months (years?) ago. Somehow, he could never pull that trigger.

With all the comments I have made, this was still an engrossing but very sad story.

[Maddison · Rating 2 out of 5]

The author of the book comes across as smug and judgmental of his wife and seems to negate himself from the trauma he and his wife caused to his son; it was not just Amandas fault. Both Andy and Amanda come across as emotionally stunted people and the resentment throughout the book is palpable.

The book could have been edited better. There was fluff, typos, sentences that didn’t make sense. I thought it was unedited, but then there was a thank you to the editor at the end.

All of that being said, I study psychology and think if you plan on working with families of addicts you should read this book. Not because it’s empirically written but it certainly gives insight into the family of the person with addiction. Especially those who enable it and the mental hoops they jump through to absolve themselves of wrong doing.

To enable someone for 25 years and then create an entire book where the author only speaks about their possible roll in the matter at the very end is a little yucky.

Nevertheless, rest in peace Amanda and best of luck to Griffin.

EDIT: actually took it down to two stars because I remembered how fat-phobic and derogatory he was toward his late wife who had thyroid disease and alcohol addiction. Pretty gnarly

[Manda Salls · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this on a whim in one sitting after the author caught my attention on a social media stream. This book is absolutely devastating. You really go on this journey with the author from when he meets his wife through their 25 plus years of marriage dealing with her as a full blown alcoholic.

The author is brutally honest about his thoughts and actions (he doesn't paint himself as a hero and admits to frustrated thoughts like wanting to smash a wine bottle on her head) and he doesn't hold back on the many horrifying aspects of Amanda's alcoholism.

I almost didn't review this one because it's so out of the norm of what I'd normally read (maybe self-published?), but it really stuck with me and I admire what the author is trying to do. I highly recommend it to anyone who has issues with alcohol or is close to someone with issues to understand the reality of alcoholism and the part that denial plays in accepting behaviors that turn into such tragedy.

[Erica Sempf · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’ve been wanting to read this book for a long time after watching many of Mr. Culkin’s videos over the past year. This memoir is raw and although a little unpolished, it is incredibly honest and compelling.

I now know Amanda’s story, or at least a mostly firsthand account of it. But what is the larger claim or goal here? The rehabilitation industry obviously needs work and follow-up care, but how can we change it? If I know someone struggling with this disease, how can I help? Mr. Culkin’s attempts to save his Wife were never fruitful despite his sincere efforts. How could someone in a similar situation avoid the same fate?

While I expected the dramatic account of Amanda’s fate, I also incorrectly expected more reflection, answers, or advice (Although I certainly appreciated the last chapter and epilogue dealing with Mr. Culkin’s analysis of his actions.) Overall, it is a well told story and certainly lives up to its claim of being a cautionary tale. Perhaps best for those unfamiliar with the sheer power and devastation of alcohol use disorder or for someone in complete denial of the worst case scenario. Thank you, Mr. Culkin, for sharing Amanda’s story.

[Kellywelly8787 · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very emotional book. It was hard to read what they all went through.

[Amy Smith · Rating 2 out of 5]

By virtue of the fact that most first-person accounts of alcoholism are memoirs, there aren't many books out there detailing what it looks like to drink yourself to death, and that novel perspective is the only reason I kept reading.

The book is a fairly surface-level accounting of events that happened and the immediate emotional responses, but never dives far into more difficult questions, particularly any that would've required self-reflection or accountability. How could a father allow his son to be raised in an objectively traumatizing environment for such a long period of time? Why did it take until essentially his wife's passing for the author to bother to educate himself on the issue that she had been struggling with since the very beginning of their relationship?

Anyone with any experience with AUD will recognize Amanda's descent into addiction and the endless, repetitive cycle of that addiction. What was almost more fascinating to me was the endless, repetitive cycle of the author's denial and enabling. Whether Amanda's latest screw up neglecting their son for a full day, crashing the car, driving drunk, getting caught by the carpool moms... this couple played out the same cycle a hundred times from beginning to end of the book. It may be an "accurate" (from the author's perspective) reflection of the author's lived reality, but absent any meaningful insight or reflection as these events unfolded, it doesn't make for a compelling story for the reader. I don't believe that the Andrew at the end of the book - even with the benefit of time following Amanda's death to process - was really that much different than the Andrew at the beginning -- and maybe was even worse. (He had become a man who literally cheered at the news of his wife's imminent death).

[Martha B. Palazesi · Rating 2 out of 5]

It got really old really quickly.

People praised this book in reviews, but after a few chapters it was just more of the same. It feels like the author is playing the martyr when, according to his own story, he was an enabler. Bringing her drinks, buying her alcohol and cleaning up her messes over and over for years? It is one thing to try to help someone, but he allowed this to go on for almost 20 years? It feels like he enjoyed being the martyr and his excuses about divorce not being an option are really weak. Continuing to allow his son to grow up in this dysfunctional home was tantamount to neglect. I do not recommend.

[Annabelle · Rating 1 out of 5]

Update: Since posting this review, the author publicly mocked it online. Rather than addressing the substance of my review, he chose to ridicule my intelligence and dismiss my interpretation of his own narrative choices. Readers can disagree about a memoir, but they are also free to interpret the narrator based on what he chooses to include and emphasize. To me, his response only reinforced the impression I came away with after reading the book: a tendency to dismiss criticism rather than engage with it thoughtfully. Readers can judge both the memoir and the author’s response for themselves.

***
I have alcoholism in my family, so I bought Andy’s book after enjoying his content. I also agree with many of his criticisms of the rehab industry. What I didn’t expect was to come away more disturbed by the narrator than the addiction.

The book opens with Amanda dying. Andy pauses to notice an attractive woman before answering the ICU call, decides not to drive to see his dying wife that night, then describes feeling “pure, unadulterated relief,” throwing his arms in the air, and shouting, “I’m free.” That set the tone for the entire memoir.

Amanda’s alcoholism was severe. I don’t question that. What I question is Andy’s complete lack of self-examination. He analyzes Amanda relentlessly while rarely examining his own role.

Amanda repeatedly says she has lived with depression for years, that alcohol is only a Band Aid, and that she is finally confronting deep trauma. Those admissions are quickly overshadowed by Andy’s certainty that she will fail.

The most heartbreaking scene involves a therapeutic field trip during rehab where Amanda interacted with horses. She came home saying the experience made her feel like she might actually be a good person. Andy mocked it, comparing it to Mister Ed and sarcastically saying, “I can’t wait to find out what the horse has to say.” Amanda lowered her eyes and quietly replied, “I’m serious.” Later, during a psychiatric crisis, she returned to that same experience and told him, “You never listen to me.” That scene revealed far more about Andy than Amanda.

Andy also admits Amanda’s first DUI happened after he asked her to pick him up knowing she had been drinking. He later knowingly hands the keys to someone with a revoked license, repeatedly buys her alcohol, admits he traumatized her by smashing a wine bottle in front of her, reluctantly hugs her, barely visits her in jail, admits he enjoyed the peace while she was gone, and then seems surprised that she felt abandoned.

The memoir also glosses over his own failed businesses, failed real estate investments, moving Amanda away from the community she built in Temecula into a failing investment property in Escondido, and the growing isolation that followed.

I still agree with Andy on many of the failures of rehab. But this memoir felt less like an attempt to understand Amanda and more like a one-sided account shaped by years of resentment. My impression is that, after several failed ventures, he has now built a successful one around Amanda’s story. I can’t know his motives, but I finished the book feeling it exploited a woman who is no longer here to tell her side.

[schmorireads · Rating 5 out of 5]

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

“Alcohol had weakened her willpower, and any love for others had seeped out of her soul.”

This is an absolute train wreck of a story—in the way that you can’t look away. A raw, painful glimpse into a life shattered by alcohol. Written by a husband who slowly loses grip on what it means to love his wife, this book shows how enabling and codependency can drag a family under. Amanda isn’t just struggling—she’s drowning. And he’s right there beside her, unsure how to save her without going under himself.

The enabling was hard to read, but it’s so real. Families of addicts often find themselves trapped in that helpless space—torn between support and survival. What really made me grimace, though, were the harsh physical descriptions of Amanda after she gained weight. I get that it’s part of telling the whole story, but at times it felt cruel. Still, it showed just how deeply her husband and their son were affected. There was “Alcoholic Amanda”… and then there was “My Wife Amanda.” The author describes her as a “three-headed monster” when she drank—and that image stuck with me.

I winced through several chapters, heartbroken for the entire family. The extent of her addiction is jaw-dropping. This book accomplishes exactly what it sets out to do: it’s a warning. A reminder that addiction doesn’t just affect the addicted. That alcoholism is insidious, chronic, and requires tremendous support to survive.

I’ve done a lot of reading on alcohol—and I despise it. I won’t go on a stats rant here (though I could), but let’s just say my feelings on Big Alcohol aren’t warm and fuzzy. I honestly wish it were banned. But in America? Alcohol is the norm. And if you don’t partake, you’re the odd one. I hate that. I wish that would change.

“This system will never change. Illness is America’s most lucrative industry. There’s no money in healing people and supporting their recovery.”

Let Amanda’s story be a wake-up call. Everyone needs to see what addiction can do—not just to one person, but to everyone around them. This is more than a memoir. It’s a warning.

❤️‍🩹 “We all need to learn from Amanda. We all need to sit in on an alcoholic’s life. We need to take heed of this cautionary tale that shows how addiction can annihilate lives.”

[Annette D. · Rating 5 out of 5]

A heartfelt and Eye-opening narrative


Amanda: A Cautionary Tale of Alcoholism is an excellent read that provides a profound and realistic insight into the challenges of living with an alcoholic. The author does an incredible job of portraying the emotional toll, the complexity of relationships, and the resilience required to navigate such difficult circumstances.
This book is not only a cautionary tale but also a deeply empathetic exploration of the impact of addiction on loved ones. It sheds light on a subject often shrouded in silence, making it a valuable resource for anyone looking to understand the dynamics of addiction and its ripple effects on families. Highly recommend to anyone seeking a compassionate yet unflinching perspective on alcoholism.

[Jane · Rating 5 out of 5]

Alcohol has taken to many of my family.

This is a wonderful book for anyone that loves an alcoholic but hates what alcohol does to that loved one
Amanda also had weight loss surgery as I have had, it is critical to understand why you choice anything in excess to deal with emotions and for us that have had those surgeries if we don't do the work another addiction is certain to follow.
In Amanda's situation, her weight gain most likely was the years of alcohol abuse .
So this book should also be given out in every bariatrics office as many turn to alcohol after the weight comes off and this would definitely be a great tool on what alcohol does to us addictive personalities.
I will recommend this book over and over again.

[Anne · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is one infuriating narrator. It’s obvious that he never respected his wife, even at the beginning of the relationship. There is rampant fat phobia throughout, and he’s just so woefully uninformed about addiction. Like guy! Constantly lamenting that she’d never say “I will never drink again” when the whole point is to take it a day at a time. As soon as she gained some weight he thought of a gastric bypass but it took him a decade to think of getting her some treatment. With that SAID, it’s a very engaging read and I really enjoyed the book itself.

[Marie Sanders · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amanda and Andrew’s story is a captivating page turner, but not because the story is so good; it’s more like the morbid car wreck you can’t take your eyes off of. From an outsider’s perspective, I sat here thinking of what I would do in several situations Andrew found himself in with Amanda. I feel like this book is a very real, honest look into how alcoholism affects an entire family. I wish Amanda had lived long enough to write her memoir of all these situations from her perspective as well.

[Rachel · Rating 3 out of 5]

I hated every moment of this book.

In part, yes, because it was obvious that Andy had been drained of nearly all the empathy and love that he’d had for Amanda at some point.
But most of all, because every new crisis that befell this family is familiar and sometimes, damn near identical to the ones set upon my life and family at the hands of my mother’s addiction.

This book was violently sad, painful and awful. It’s also so terribly necessary.

[miss l d milbourne · Rating 5 out of 5]

Raw, honest and heartbreaking

I read this book over 2 days. I was compelled to keep reading. Having witnessed alcohol abuse first hand and the destruction of the person, family and friends, Amanda's story is not unusual but a reminder how gripping addiction can be. The end is positive, just not for poor Amanda

[Rita Metsch · Rating 5 out of 5]

Chilling accuracy

I’ve lived with someone else’s alcoholism my entire life. This book really describes the utterly helpless feelings of those who live with someone’s alcoholic behavior.

[Hailey Conquest · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is truly heartbreaking yet captivating. Impossible to put down.

[Laura Rains · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fascinating, true story of the horror a man faced with his alcoholic wife. I had a hard time putting the book down. Very good read

[Elaine Miles · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautifully written, gruesomely honest.

It pains me to say how relatable the majority of this story truly is, as someone who has lost a parent, and a spouse to alcoholism.