The Boat Not Taken: A North Korean Mother and Her Daughter

by Joanna Choi Kalbus

Desperate for her daughter's safety during the Communist takeover of North Korea, Joanna Choi's mother left her in a Seoul orphanage. She retrieved her months later to return to their once-tranquil hamlet, but the boatman on the returning ship refused to let the pair board. Joanna and her beloved Omai (mother) became immigrants in mid-twentieth century California, whose streets were supposedly paved with gold, but whose reality was one of hardship, poverty, and anti-Asian discrimination. A lyrical, often humorous memoir, THE BOAT NOT TAKEN is also the story of a divided Korea. Above all it is a love letter to an extraordinary an independent widow fiercely devoted yet destructively deceptive to her child, whose shattering secret, uncovered after her death, shakes the author's sense of identity.

Genres: Memoir, Asia, Nonfiction

258 pages, Paperback

Published May 6, 2025

Reviews

[SSM · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a beautiful memoir written by a daughter to honor her mother who faced so many challenges and heartbreaks so as to give her daughter a better life in the US. I highly recommend this book!

[Lorange · Rating 5 out of 5]

enjoyed this memoir very much!

i didn't know much about korean history before this. My mom's side is korean so this was pretty salient to me, although I don't know how our family was impacted by the korean war at all. i know bits and pieces though, that my relatives don't like japanese products etc, that when my mom asked why my grandmother never moved back to korea she said "are you crazy?" and did not elaborate further.
having tried to write memoir short form before this book reminded me of writing by someone who is a real person and i liked that familiarity. it was like my grandmother could've written this too and so i liked that authenticity.

obviousy there is so much trauma to unpack here but i think choi did a beautiful job of not having this feel like trauma dumping like the genre is known for and it is more just candid memories and snipets. its organized quite well, and i feel like you really get a sense of the filial piety and sacrifice that generations make for each other. i like the ending and how we understand the older brother's coldness later.

[Inga Aksamit · Rating 5 out of 5]

Joanna Kalbus’s memoir is as gripping as it is tender—a story that blends the sweep of history with the intimacy of a mother-daughter bond. What makes this book stand out is its honesty and lyricism. Kalbus writes with humor and warmth, even as she recounts the deprivations of immigration, the sting of anti-Asian discrimination, and the complicated love of a mother whose devotion is matched only by her secrets. The tension of her story kept me turning pages, wondering how she and her mother would navigate each new challenge. At its heart, this is not just a memoir of survival, but a love letter to Omai—an extraordinary woman whose choices and sacrifices shaped her daughter’s life in unexpected ways. Moving, beautifully written, and unforgettable.

[Geraldine Lim · Rating 5 out of 5]

I must admit that I am not much of a reader, but I could not put this book down and finished it in 2 nights. Joanna Choi Kalbus has a descriptive style of writing that allows the reader to imagine the scene and feel the emotions. Her stories are poignant and tear-jerking, but also often humorous. It is also a historical novel that follows the agonizing separation of North and South Korea and then the life of immigrants in the U.S. All the while, it is a love story that shows the depth of a mother's love for her daughter and then the growing love and understanding of that daughter for her mother after her mother's death.

[Valerie · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5. This memoir, of a girl growing up in North Korea and emigrating to Los Angeles in the 1960’s, is heartfelt and touching. It was written by the mother of my former dentist so I had a particular interest. The mother daughter relationship was complicated and fraught as the author so acutely describes but ultimately one of intense love and appreciation. One could feel the author’s catharsis in creating a lasting memory of that relationship.

[Karen · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must read for anyone who wants a first hand rendering of life for Koreans before, during and after the Korean War...occupied by China, then Japan, then the rise of Communism and the total compartmentalization of the people of Korea into 2 separate nation states...I was moved to tears over and over.

[Connie Suzuki · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fascinating story about a mother daughter relationship from an Asian American angle. Read it in just a few days, didn’t want to put it down. It’s not a long book, but so much information about their relationship. And such a surprise toward the end. I enjoyed this read a lot. I think you will too.
C. Suzuki

[Jen · Rating 3 out of 5]

It feels wrong to rate a memoir with only three stars, especially this one because it was heartfelt and poignant, but at the same time I found it to be really dull and slow. The author had an incredible life experience escaping North Korea in the nick of time and having the opportunity to settle in the USA, and I applaud her willingness to share her story via this book, but I was just... bored.

[Carole Lester · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this memoir about a girl who escapes North Korea and the South Korea during the war. I found myself crying at then end of the book

[Marianne Villanueva · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing story, one of the very few that tell the story of the partition of Korea from the inside, as it was experienced on the ground, by five-year-old Joanna Choi Kalbus and her mother, who came from a small village in what is now North Korea. This section succeeds in capturing the turbulence of the times with raw, gritty detail.

Mother and daughter end up on a ship bound for Los Angeles, and they slowly eke out a new life, one not without its own pain.

What makes this story different, however, are the secrets, secrets that are only revealed after the mother's death. It completely re-writes how we perceive the main characters, and readers are left with a unique story that equally impacts the mind and the heart.