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Dreadful Boys #1
Beneath Cherry Blossom Memories
Phoenix
Bad breakups happen. Sometimes, they hurt, and other times they’re downright deadly.
I spent the last year trying to keep my head above wave after wave of heartache. I focused on my band, my friends, and my cat.
I wasn’t living, but I was surviving without Eli.
That all changed because he’s back.
And he’s with someone else.
As if seeing him with another person wasn’t bad enough, he hasn’t changed. He’s still the same addict I fell in love with.
I don’t know if I can forgive him for it, either.
But the heart wants what it wants, and I don’t think mine will ever stop begging for his.
Eli I had no business inserting myself in Phoenix’s path again.
We were a catastrophe before, so what made me think it’d be different this time?
I made it my mission to ensure that I broke him so thoroughly that he’d never want me again.
But that’s the thing, I can’t seem to forget him.
He’s a living memory beneath my skin.
His kisses are burned into my soul.
The screams in my skull are only quiet when he’s near.
But the noise is louder than ever before, and I fear he might be unable to silence them this time.
We’re doomed, but I can’t stay away. Not anymore.
BENEATH CHERRY BLOSSOM MEMORIES is an MM romance intended for an 18+ audience. Content Warnings to be advised and can be found in the front matter of the book.
I spent the last year trying to keep my head above wave after wave of heartache. I focused on my band, my friends, and my cat.
I wasn’t living, but I was surviving without Eli.
That all changed because he’s back.
And he’s with someone else.
As if seeing him with another person wasn’t bad enough, he hasn’t changed. He’s still the same addict I fell in love with.
I don’t know if I can forgive him for it, either.
But the heart wants what it wants, and I don’t think mine will ever stop begging for his.
Eli I had no business inserting myself in Phoenix’s path again.
We were a catastrophe before, so what made me think it’d be different this time?
I made it my mission to ensure that I broke him so thoroughly that he’d never want me again.
But that’s the thing, I can’t seem to forget him.
He’s a living memory beneath my skin.
His kisses are burned into my soul.
The screams in my skull are only quiet when he’s near.
But the noise is louder than ever before, and I fear he might be unable to silence them this time.
We’re doomed, but I can’t stay away. Not anymore.
BENEATH CHERRY BLOSSOM MEMORIES is an MM romance intended for an 18+ audience. Content Warnings to be advised and can be found in the front matter of the book.
337 pages, Paperback
Published December 13, 2024
190 people are currently reading
1513 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 129 reviews
February 9, 2025
THIS HURT SO GOOD😭
there’s so much i wanna say and idk where to start.
this was such a well done hurt/comfort book that i felt every emotion whilst reading 🥲
phoenix and eli’s relationship was messy and toxic but i loved every second of it bcuz it was real.
no matter how much they went through they’d still hang on for each other.
they were literally each other’s reason for being alive and it had me TEARING UP.
i also love how the concept “you can’t love someone else if you can’t love yourself” was interpreted here.
it’s just something so raw and real and i don’t think people notice that sometimes about themselves. you can never give someone your all or fix them, if you’re broken yourself.
since this was a second chance romance, at first their relationship was full of misconception and miscommunication. but the second time around i adore how both phoenix and eli stepped up and realised their mistakes with how they treated each other. not just that, but also how they were WILLING to improve themselves so that they can be happy and at peace together.
also can we talk about JORGE?? my god i love him sm he’s so underrated 😩 i loved how he was always there to protect his bestie phoenix and help eli when he needed it. also the ENDING?? i am SO damn excited to read his book 🙈
now 👏 buckle up bcuz there are many quotes i want to add:
“It’s hard loving someone who can’t love themselves.”
“I couldn’t promise him forever because what if I don’t wake up tomorrow?”
“Scream at me. Hit me.” “Give me something, baby.”
“If I could, I’d bleed myself just to wash every ounce of toxicity flooding him.”
“Nothing is going to hurt you. Not while I’m here.”
“Then you’re a junkie too, baby. And I’m your drug.”
“God, it hurts to kiss him and touch him, but it’s a masochist sort of hurt. The kind I will inflict on myself over and over until it kills me. Because that’s love, isn’t it? Unable to stop yourself from swimming in a riptide, knowing it’s going to pull you under. Knowing you’ll never breathe again.”
“If being without Eli means I get to breathe, then I’d rather suffocate.”
“You’re not a tragedy, sweetheart. You’ve never been that. To me, you’ve always been kismet. Inevitable.”
i’d appreciate some virtual hugs now please 🥲
there’s so much i wanna say and idk where to start.
this was such a well done hurt/comfort book that i felt every emotion whilst reading 🥲
phoenix and eli’s relationship was messy and toxic but i loved every second of it bcuz it was real.
no matter how much they went through they’d still hang on for each other.
they were literally each other’s reason for being alive and it had me TEARING UP.
i also love how the concept “you can’t love someone else if you can’t love yourself” was interpreted here.
it’s just something so raw and real and i don’t think people notice that sometimes about themselves. you can never give someone your all or fix them, if you’re broken yourself.
since this was a second chance romance, at first their relationship was full of misconception and miscommunication. but the second time around i adore how both phoenix and eli stepped up and realised their mistakes with how they treated each other. not just that, but also how they were WILLING to improve themselves so that they can be happy and at peace together.
also can we talk about JORGE?? my god i love him sm he’s so underrated 😩 i loved how he was always there to protect his bestie phoenix and help eli when he needed it. also the ENDING?? i am SO damn excited to read his book 🙈
now 👏 buckle up bcuz there are many quotes i want to add:
“It’s hard loving someone who can’t love themselves.”
“I couldn’t promise him forever because what if I don’t wake up tomorrow?”
“Scream at me. Hit me.” “Give me something, baby.”
“If I could, I’d bleed myself just to wash every ounce of toxicity flooding him.”
“Nothing is going to hurt you. Not while I’m here.”
“Then you’re a junkie too, baby. And I’m your drug.”
“God, it hurts to kiss him and touch him, but it’s a masochist sort of hurt. The kind I will inflict on myself over and over until it kills me. Because that’s love, isn’t it? Unable to stop yourself from swimming in a riptide, knowing it’s going to pull you under. Knowing you’ll never breathe again.”
“If being without Eli means I get to breathe, then I’d rather suffocate.”
“You’re not a tragedy, sweetheart. You’ve never been that. To me, you’ve always been kismet. Inevitable.”
i’d appreciate some virtual hugs now please 🥲
November 28, 2024
yeah so, i needed this desperately. i’ve enjoyed all of the books i’ve read from myka so far, but this one’s truly a new favorite of mine. the second chance romance, the angst, the push and pull, the pining, the groveling…. i ate this entire thing up.
we follow eli and pheonix as they battle internal and external obstacles that stand in the way of their love. they’re pretty toxic to one another in the beginning, but that honestly made their story so much more intriguing. this may be a hot take, but i actually have a soft spot for eli. he’s definitely one of those characters that you initially don’t like based on his actions, but there was just something about him. it definitely had something to do with the fact that he kept the dynamic between him and pheonix toxic for awhile, which i think says more about me than anything else. i can’t even get into how many highlights i made based on the toxic and out of pocket stuff they would say to each other. it’s a bit concerning on my end…
as for pheonix, i also loved him as a character. i always enjoy the characters who are hopelessly obsessed with their partners. from the moment we find out that he’d been a wreck once things ended between him and eli, i knew that he was down BAD. and his clinginess and possessiveness continued to show throughout the book 🤭. just like eli, pheonix had his own personal problems that he thankfully was able to recognize as we get further into the story. i didn’t appreciate eli being blamed for all the bad that happened between him and pheonix, so the character development between BOTH characters was very refreshing. like yes, let’s take a step back and recognize how we’re both in the wrong instead of blaming it all on one person due to the convenience of it.
overall, this is a fantastic book about broken boys finding their way back to each other. also, the epilogue has me squealing. i just know some stuff is going to go down in book 2!
thank you myka loren for the arc. this is my honest review.
we follow eli and pheonix as they battle internal and external obstacles that stand in the way of their love. they’re pretty toxic to one another in the beginning, but that honestly made their story so much more intriguing. this may be a hot take, but i actually have a soft spot for eli. he’s definitely one of those characters that you initially don’t like based on his actions, but there was just something about him. it definitely had something to do with the fact that he kept the dynamic between him and pheonix toxic for awhile, which i think says more about me than anything else. i can’t even get into how many highlights i made based on the toxic and out of pocket stuff they would say to each other. it’s a bit concerning on my end…
as for pheonix, i also loved him as a character. i always enjoy the characters who are hopelessly obsessed with their partners. from the moment we find out that he’d been a wreck once things ended between him and eli, i knew that he was down BAD. and his clinginess and possessiveness continued to show throughout the book 🤭. just like eli, pheonix had his own personal problems that he thankfully was able to recognize as we get further into the story. i didn’t appreciate eli being blamed for all the bad that happened between him and pheonix, so the character development between BOTH characters was very refreshing. like yes, let’s take a step back and recognize how we’re both in the wrong instead of blaming it all on one person due to the convenience of it.
overall, this is a fantastic book about broken boys finding their way back to each other. also, the epilogue has me squealing. i just know some stuff is going to go down in book 2!
thank you myka loren for the arc. this is my honest review.
March 12, 2025
Pheonix + Eli 🖤
Second chances | Hard fought HEA | Emotional AF
"It's always been you" | "Let me love you"
This took me a minute to get into it but once I did it was great.
So much push and pull that I was worried for awhile that there wouldn't actually be an HEA.
I know there's a second book and some overlapping plot. But there's some stuff that I feel like was supposed to be resolved in this book if it was going to resolved at all. Stuff that was specific to Eli and Pheonix's story. Like what ended up happening with Eli's aunt? Does Eli ever share the full details of his trauma with Pheonix?
And OMG the bomb that's dropped on us at the end. Give me book 2. Right. Now.
....
"You're going to come on my cock, baby. And then you'll kiss me and cuddle me, and afterward, we'll nap. In that order. Got it?"
"If being without Eli means I get to breathe, then I'd rather suffocate."
"Pheonix always finds the beauty in me no matter how much dirt it's buried under."
"The kiss is passion and devastation. It's my pain and his. It's my love for him, my soul-deep need to be what he wants, and my silent prayer that he Let's me keep him forever."
"Let me take care of you, sweetheart"
"You shouldn't have to."
"I want to. Let me okay?"
"I know it's going to be hard, some days it's going to feel impossible. But that's what I'm signing up for. I'll shoulder the rest of that weight if you feel like you're not strong enough. You don't have to deal with it alone anymore, Eli."
....
⚠️potential spoilers below in detailed tropes and trigger warnings
Tropes:
Second chances
Rockstar
Lovers to enemies to lovers
"It's always been you"
Hard fought HEA
First times (Eli never bottomed before but gives that part of himself to Pheonix)
Size difference
Smaller top (Eli tops for most of their story)
Push/pull
"Let me love you"
Emotional love making/ brought to tears during sex
TWs:
Addiction
Toxic relationship
Drug use page
Self harm on page
Feelings of worthlessness
Feels undeserving of love
Childhood trauma
Abusive parents and aunt
Rehab
They're separated for 3 months while Eli is at rehab and Pheonix is touring but they're not broken up
Arson mentioned
Eli's parents died of addiction while he was young. He was left alone in the car while they overdosed.
Second chances | Hard fought HEA | Emotional AF
"It's always been you" | "Let me love you"
This took me a minute to get into it but once I did it was great.
So much push and pull that I was worried for awhile that there wouldn't actually be an HEA.
I know there's a second book and some overlapping plot. But there's some stuff that I feel like was supposed to be resolved in this book if it was going to resolved at all. Stuff that was specific to Eli and Pheonix's story. Like what ended up happening with Eli's aunt? Does Eli ever share the full details of his trauma with Pheonix?
And OMG the bomb that's dropped on us at the end. Give me book 2. Right. Now.
....
"You're going to come on my cock, baby. And then you'll kiss me and cuddle me, and afterward, we'll nap. In that order. Got it?"
"If being without Eli means I get to breathe, then I'd rather suffocate."
"Pheonix always finds the beauty in me no matter how much dirt it's buried under."
"The kiss is passion and devastation. It's my pain and his. It's my love for him, my soul-deep need to be what he wants, and my silent prayer that he Let's me keep him forever."
"Let me take care of you, sweetheart"
"You shouldn't have to."
"I want to. Let me okay?"
"I know it's going to be hard, some days it's going to feel impossible. But that's what I'm signing up for. I'll shoulder the rest of that weight if you feel like you're not strong enough. You don't have to deal with it alone anymore, Eli."
....
⚠️potential spoilers below in detailed tropes and trigger warnings
Tropes:
Second chances
Rockstar
Lovers to enemies to lovers
"It's always been you"
Hard fought HEA
First times (Eli never bottomed before but gives that part of himself to Pheonix)
Size difference
Smaller top (Eli tops for most of their story)
Push/pull
"Let me love you"
Emotional love making/ brought to tears during sex
TWs:
Addiction
Toxic relationship
Drug use page
Self harm on page
Feelings of worthlessness
Feels undeserving of love
Childhood trauma
Abusive parents and aunt
Rehab
They're separated for 3 months while Eli is at rehab and Pheonix is touring but they're not broken up
Arson mentioned
Eli's parents died of addiction while he was young. He was left alone in the car while they overdosed.
August 14, 2025
4⭐️
3.5🌶️
WOW! I’m SPEECHLESS! That Epilogue, Y’all I Was Not Expecting That But I’m Not So Excited For The Next Book And Very Curious About The Next Couple. And Speaking About The Book, This Was REALLY Good Y’all I Really Loved This. Phoenix And Elijah, Now This Is What You Call A VERY Toxic Couple. At Some Points In This Book, I Thought I Wasn’t Gonna Root For The Couple, But The Ending Was Juts So Perfect For Them And I AbsolutelyLoved It. Also Elijah And Phoenix Are REALLY Flawed Characters Throughout This Whole Story, Especially Elijah, But I Just Loved It. I Also Loved That The Couple In This Book Just Felt Really Real, A Couple Who Are Gonna Have Struggles But Are Gonna Get Through It Together. Also The Found Family, LOVED! Anyways Be Sure To Get Your Hands On This Book December 13th🫶💕
Tysm To @mykaloren For Sending Me The Arc Early I Really Appreciate It😘
3.5🌶️
WOW! I’m SPEECHLESS! That Epilogue, Y’all I Was Not Expecting That But I’m Not So Excited For The Next Book And Very Curious About The Next Couple. And Speaking About The Book, This Was REALLY Good Y’all I Really Loved This. Phoenix And Elijah, Now This Is What You Call A VERY Toxic Couple. At Some Points In This Book, I Thought I Wasn’t Gonna Root For The Couple, But The Ending Was Juts So Perfect For Them And I AbsolutelyLoved It. Also Elijah And Phoenix Are REALLY Flawed Characters Throughout This Whole Story, Especially Elijah, But I Just Loved It. I Also Loved That The Couple In This Book Just Felt Really Real, A Couple Who Are Gonna Have Struggles But Are Gonna Get Through It Together. Also The Found Family, LOVED! Anyways Be Sure To Get Your Hands On This Book December 13th🫶💕
Tysm To @mykaloren For Sending Me The Arc Early I Really Appreciate It😘
March 21, 2025
Contemporary MM
Rockstar/Camboy
Size Difference
Second Chance
Addiction Struggle
Hurt/Comfort
Angsty AF
Hard Earned HEA
🔥🔥🔥🔥
If you are love angsty books where the MCs go through hell to get their HEA, this is one for you! This a wonderful read, but man it was frustrating! I cannot imagine going through something like this, and my heart goes out to anyone that has suffered something similar. There is so much emotion packed into this story, it almost felt like too much at times. Too real.
Eli and Phoenix are toxic, and have a ton of reasons why they probably should not be together. But! They care so much for each other...yes their sex is good, and chemistry is off the charts, but they see that there is more...but they just have to figure out if their love can conquer all their issues and addictions. There is so much feeling and angst, even in their intimate scenes... you just feel the emotion and it’s heavy.
There are some lighter moments, especially with Phoenix's best friend Jorge - he was pretty awesome. And the relationship between Phoenix and his cat. That was so funny to me, I guess because I'm such a cat mom. Overall a very well done book and I cannot wait to continue on to the next story. I am super intrigued (and a little upset if I'm honest) to see what that's all about.
Rockstar/Camboy
Size Difference
Second Chance
Addiction Struggle
Hurt/Comfort
Angsty AF
Hard Earned HEA
🔥🔥🔥🔥
If you are love angsty books where the MCs go through hell to get their HEA, this is one for you! This a wonderful read, but man it was frustrating! I cannot imagine going through something like this, and my heart goes out to anyone that has suffered something similar. There is so much emotion packed into this story, it almost felt like too much at times. Too real.
Eli and Phoenix are toxic, and have a ton of reasons why they probably should not be together. But! They care so much for each other...yes their sex is good, and chemistry is off the charts, but they see that there is more...but they just have to figure out if their love can conquer all their issues and addictions. There is so much feeling and angst, even in their intimate scenes... you just feel the emotion and it’s heavy.
There are some lighter moments, especially with Phoenix's best friend Jorge - he was pretty awesome. And the relationship between Phoenix and his cat. That was so funny to me, I guess because I'm such a cat mom. Overall a very well done book and I cannot wait to continue on to the next story. I am super intrigued (and a little upset if I'm honest) to see what that's all about.
February 23, 2025
i’m a junkie and toxic romances are my fix 🚩
dnf
March 15, 2025Calling it quits at 21%!
January 12, 2025
I don’t normally write my reviews. I just give a rating on good reads and do my reviews or recs on TikTok/Insta. But after reading this book I have to type out how much I loved it.
5⭐️
3🌶️
MM
Rockstar (The sweet-loving drummer 👌)
Second Chance
TOXIC
Found Family
Addiction Rep
Phoenix is heartbroken still even a year after he and Eli broke up. Well Eli broke his heart. It was very toxic.
Phoenix is about to go on tour when his ex, Eli, is now going to tag along with his new boyfriend…
Phoenix still has feelings for Eli. And guess what? Eli does too. But Eli is currently abusing drugs and believes he’s not good for Phoenix but can’t help wanting to be near Eli. He’s just using this boyfriend to be close to Phoenix again.
What happens when they are in the same place together😎👌 Can Phoenix be there for Eli when he needs him most. And can Eli admit he has a problem and get help or are they doomed?
I loved their personalities. They complimented each other well. But it’s their bond I loved the most. How well Eli knew Phoenix. His lucky socks, what he’s allergic to or how they can tell what the other is thinking. The addiction rep was done very well. As someone who is sober, this felt very true to me and I appreciate what the author did. Also the cat in this book…it was an adorable addition.
I can’t wait for Oli’s story!! Jorge is going to be a lot for him to handle but I think he needs some sunshine which is exactly what Jorge is in of itself.
5⭐️
3🌶️
MM
Rockstar (The sweet-loving drummer 👌)
Second Chance
TOXIC
Found Family
Addiction Rep
Phoenix is heartbroken still even a year after he and Eli broke up. Well Eli broke his heart. It was very toxic.
Phoenix is about to go on tour when his ex, Eli, is now going to tag along with his new boyfriend…
Phoenix still has feelings for Eli. And guess what? Eli does too. But Eli is currently abusing drugs and believes he’s not good for Phoenix but can’t help wanting to be near Eli. He’s just using this boyfriend to be close to Phoenix again.
What happens when they are in the same place together😎👌 Can Phoenix be there for Eli when he needs him most. And can Eli admit he has a problem and get help or are they doomed?
I loved their personalities. They complimented each other well. But it’s their bond I loved the most. How well Eli knew Phoenix. His lucky socks, what he’s allergic to or how they can tell what the other is thinking. The addiction rep was done very well. As someone who is sober, this felt very true to me and I appreciate what the author did. Also the cat in this book…it was an adorable addition.
I can’t wait for Oli’s story!! Jorge is going to be a lot for him to handle but I think he needs some sunshine which is exactly what Jorge is in of itself.
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December 7, 2024
ARC REVIEW
3.5 ⭐️⭐️⭐️
• second chance
• drummer x camboy
• abuse/trauma
• addiction rep
• toxic relationship
• angsty
This is a good start for a series. I found Eli and Phoenix well written and sweet in their messed up relationship.
I felt so sad and so connected to Eli, he deserves the whole world, a world that does not burden his delicate soul that much. 🤧
Addiction was handled well here, and Phoenix's awareness journey was very important in all of this. Rejection, anger, and taking everything personally does not help those who are struggling to open up; on the contrary. It makes it harder for that person to find a safe place. That person was Eli and I am glad to have seen Phoenix changed, getting better, for him.
Definitely a series that I’m going to continue, im absolutely in love with Jorge, he’s such a good friend my god! So precious!
So happy to know book 2 will be about him… and Oliver 🥳🥳
Thank you Myka Loren for sending me this arc 🫶🏻
3.5 ⭐️⭐️⭐️
• second chance
• drummer x camboy
• abuse/trauma
• addiction rep
• toxic relationship
• angsty
This is a good start for a series. I found Eli and Phoenix well written and sweet in their messed up relationship.
I felt so sad and so connected to Eli, he deserves the whole world, a world that does not burden his delicate soul that much. 🤧
Addiction was handled well here, and Phoenix's awareness journey was very important in all of this. Rejection, anger, and taking everything personally does not help those who are struggling to open up; on the contrary. It makes it harder for that person to find a safe place. That person was Eli and I am glad to have seen Phoenix changed, getting better, for him.
Definitely a series that I’m going to continue, im absolutely in love with Jorge, he’s such a good friend my god! So precious!
So happy to know book 2 will be about him… and Oliver 🥳🥳
Thank you Myka Loren for sending me this arc 🫶🏻
November 24, 2024
THANK YOU MYKA LOREN.
this book was everything, i cried so hard. the amount of emotions i felt while reading this is insane. this is truly, truly a masterpiece. my sweet broken boys😭
Phoenix just needs a big ole hug & Eli needs an even BIGGER hug.
they are just so toxic but in the best way? i just love me some toxic broken boys.
the possessiveness & jealousy had me by the throat 🤪🔥
this was a very heavy book but it was written so beautifully, i was torn weather to gobble this up in one day or take my time. i know this is going to impact me for a WHILE.
I LOVE THIS FREAKING BOOK. FERAL. SALIVATING.
i literally can’t wait for book too!!! that epilogue 🤭
this book was everything, i cried so hard. the amount of emotions i felt while reading this is insane. this is truly, truly a masterpiece. my sweet broken boys😭
Phoenix just needs a big ole hug & Eli needs an even BIGGER hug.
they are just so toxic but in the best way? i just love me some toxic broken boys.
the possessiveness & jealousy had me by the throat 🤪🔥
this was a very heavy book but it was written so beautifully, i was torn weather to gobble this up in one day or take my time. i know this is going to impact me for a WHILE.
I LOVE THIS FREAKING BOOK. FERAL. SALIVATING.
i literally can’t wait for book too!!! that epilogue 🤭
November 21, 2024
If you are in need of broken boys this is just for you ~
Those two broken boys are looking for a way back together, by handling their own trauma by going above and beyond their own existence and their own selfish desires.
I love how their relationship failure is not black or white, in a relationship two people are involved and the blame goes to both. It was clever to start the story with one to blame, Eli and the other suffering, Phoenix but the reality is different and this is what I liked the most !
They are both to blame and they are learning, growing , seeing the big picture to become better for each other. The way they are looking to get back to each other and the tension is just 🔥
All secondary characters are just amazing 🤩 Jorge is my fav ! He is “the other testicule” 🤣 and I love him so much ! The whole band is just so funny.
Phoenix family and especially Oli is so intriguing, I was dying to know more the whole book.
The other aspect I really appreciated is the addition and how it was dealt in the story. Eli’s addiction did not stop out of nowhere, like magic, because love was so much powerful like in some books. It has a really realistic view on how difficult and how it affects people. Chef Kiss to the author !
Main tropes
- rockstar drummer x Camboy
- second chance
- jealousy & possessiveness
- past trauma
- addiction
I honestly can’t wait for book 2 ! Because I really really need to know more about Oli ! ❤️
Those two broken boys are looking for a way back together, by handling their own trauma by going above and beyond their own existence and their own selfish desires.
I love how their relationship failure is not black or white, in a relationship two people are involved and the blame goes to both. It was clever to start the story with one to blame, Eli and the other suffering, Phoenix but the reality is different and this is what I liked the most !
They are both to blame and they are learning, growing , seeing the big picture to become better for each other. The way they are looking to get back to each other and the tension is just 🔥
All secondary characters are just amazing 🤩 Jorge is my fav ! He is “the other testicule” 🤣 and I love him so much ! The whole band is just so funny.
Phoenix family and especially Oli is so intriguing, I was dying to know more the whole book.
The other aspect I really appreciated is the addition and how it was dealt in the story. Eli’s addiction did not stop out of nowhere, like magic, because love was so much powerful like in some books. It has a really realistic view on how difficult and how it affects people. Chef Kiss to the author !
Main tropes
- rockstar drummer x Camboy
- second chance
- jealousy & possessiveness
- past trauma
- addiction
I honestly can’t wait for book 2 ! Because I really really need to know more about Oli ! ❤️
Read
March 28, 2025DNF 11% just not feeling it.
December 27, 2024
This was an amazing read. I don't think I've ever read addiction/metal illness so well written and so realistic. The struggles and how it affects everyone around the one suffering... *Chef kiss*
The story and characters were so compelling I couldn't put this down. Eli and Phoenix had gone through so much pain, I needed them to get their HEA. This is a story of fucking up and learning to apologize/forgive, of healing, of growth, and unconditional love.
If you like toxic, messy, sexy, found family vibes, second chances, and, like me, you love to get mad at the characters when they act up and do stupid things (which in this case, makes sense... sadly 💔), this is definitely the book for you.
The story and characters were so compelling I couldn't put this down. Eli and Phoenix had gone through so much pain, I needed them to get their HEA. This is a story of fucking up and learning to apologize/forgive, of healing, of growth, and unconditional love.
If you like toxic, messy, sexy, found family vibes, second chances, and, like me, you love to get mad at the characters when they act up and do stupid things (which in this case, makes sense... sadly 💔), this is definitely the book for you.
Read
September 8, 2025I’m so glad this wasn’t my first book by Loren because it is not a good representation of how talented she is! Don’t get me wrong, it’s a decent story, but the way it was told was slow at times, and the editing was lacking. For example, we are told that the characters do things, “with speed” way too many times, so many that that exact phrase was used three times in one scene alone.
November 3, 2025
this was so so good
broken boys, toxic love, second chances, love so raw it hurts
loved it 💯
broken boys, toxic love, second chances, love so raw it hurts
loved it 💯
December 29, 2024
3.75⭐️
J'ai aimé cette lecture qui était angsty, toxic et émouvante.
La relation entre Phoenix et Eli est intense. Ils ne peuvent pas rester loin de l'autre même s'ils savent qu'ils se font du mal.
Ils ne peuvent pas s'empêcher de se rapprocher et de se repousser à chaque fois.
J'ai aimé ce jeu de push and pull entre eux, même si à un moment donné je pense qu'ils en ont trop joué 😅
Cependant, je pense que leur relation était un peu trop toxic même pour moi. Et aussi je suis d'accord sur le fait qu'Eli avait besoin d'aide, mais je pense que Phoenix aussi avait besoin de voir quelqu'un.
Bref, j'ai quand même passé un bon moment de lecture. Avec cet épilogue, j'ai hâte de lire le prochain tome 🥰
J'ai aimé cette lecture qui était angsty, toxic et émouvante.
La relation entre Phoenix et Eli est intense. Ils ne peuvent pas rester loin de l'autre même s'ils savent qu'ils se font du mal.
Ils ne peuvent pas s'empêcher de se rapprocher et de se repousser à chaque fois.
J'ai aimé ce jeu de push and pull entre eux, même si à un moment donné je pense qu'ils en ont trop joué 😅
Cependant, je pense que leur relation était un peu trop toxic même pour moi. Et aussi je suis d'accord sur le fait qu'Eli avait besoin d'aide, mais je pense que Phoenix aussi avait besoin de voir quelqu'un.
Bref, j'ai quand même passé un bon moment de lecture. Avec cet épilogue, j'ai hâte de lire le prochain tome 🥰
December 20, 2024
I happened across this book by chance, seeing it on one of my favourite indie author’s Instagram story on release day, and investigated further. As soon as I saw “drummer/camboy” and then “addiction rep”, I knew I needed this book immediately. I downloaded it then and there, and started it that day and spent every second I possibly could reading it until I finished it. And my god was it the most perfect way to spend my time.
This book had the most broken boys, both characters so different but intrinsically so connect by their pain and broken edges. Their jagged pieces didn’t fit together but they did everything they could to smash and jam those pieces in, suffering through heartbreak and sickness to do so. But this kind of toxic love couldn’t last, and so they crashed and burned and slipped from each other’s lives.
Now, Phoenix is a drummer in an up and coming band, surrounded by the bestest of friends who double as his family. They hold him together while he falls to bits, even a year after his breakup with Eli. Phoenix isn’t living, he’s merely going through the motions and if not for his best friends holding his hand and snuggling him tight, who knows what would’ve become of this sensitive, sweet, crippled soul. All of his efforts, and the efforts of his bandmates, come crashing to the ground when the drummer of a fellow touring band shows up with their boyfriend- none other than our Eli
Eli is probably one of the most broken of boys you’ll come across- he is textbook BROKEN. Addicted to his medications, running from accepting love and safety, hiding from all of the sounds and pain inside his own mind, Eli needs help and he needs somebody to show him he is worth getting better for. But when Eli rejects anybody from getting close and seeing who he really is, it’s going to take a world of chaos, pain and brutality for him to finally learn that he can’t carry on this way.
On paper, these two shouldn’t be together. On paper, these two need to work on themselves before they invite the possibility of ever being around each other again. However, they can’t stay away- they are drawn to each other like they are the oxygen each other needs to breathe, and although they know they shouldn’t, these two broken boys seek out the other half of their heart, regardless of the destruction they’ll leave in their wake.
This book was ugly in the most beautiful way, and I felt connected to both of these characters for their flaws and troubles, rooting for them to be together, but mostly just rooting for them to find happiness within themselves.
I am excited to see the next instalment in this series which follows two characters we met in this book (one of which was the bestest FRICKING person ever), and also getting to see more of Phoenix and Elijah along the way.
This book is the definition of a hard fought HEA.
This book had the most broken boys, both characters so different but intrinsically so connect by their pain and broken edges. Their jagged pieces didn’t fit together but they did everything they could to smash and jam those pieces in, suffering through heartbreak and sickness to do so. But this kind of toxic love couldn’t last, and so they crashed and burned and slipped from each other’s lives.
Now, Phoenix is a drummer in an up and coming band, surrounded by the bestest of friends who double as his family. They hold him together while he falls to bits, even a year after his breakup with Eli. Phoenix isn’t living, he’s merely going through the motions and if not for his best friends holding his hand and snuggling him tight, who knows what would’ve become of this sensitive, sweet, crippled soul. All of his efforts, and the efforts of his bandmates, come crashing to the ground when the drummer of a fellow touring band shows up with their boyfriend- none other than our Eli
Eli is probably one of the most broken of boys you’ll come across- he is textbook BROKEN. Addicted to his medications, running from accepting love and safety, hiding from all of the sounds and pain inside his own mind, Eli needs help and he needs somebody to show him he is worth getting better for. But when Eli rejects anybody from getting close and seeing who he really is, it’s going to take a world of chaos, pain and brutality for him to finally learn that he can’t carry on this way.
On paper, these two shouldn’t be together. On paper, these two need to work on themselves before they invite the possibility of ever being around each other again. However, they can’t stay away- they are drawn to each other like they are the oxygen each other needs to breathe, and although they know they shouldn’t, these two broken boys seek out the other half of their heart, regardless of the destruction they’ll leave in their wake.
This book was ugly in the most beautiful way, and I felt connected to both of these characters for their flaws and troubles, rooting for them to be together, but mostly just rooting for them to find happiness within themselves.
I am excited to see the next instalment in this series which follows two characters we met in this book (one of which was the bestest FRICKING person ever), and also getting to see more of Phoenix and Elijah along the way.
This book is the definition of a hard fought HEA.
January 24, 2025
"𝐈𝐟 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐄𝐥𝐢 𝐦𝐞𝐚𝐧𝐬 𝐈 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐞, 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐈'𝐝 𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐮𝐟𝐟𝐨𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐞."
A year after their toxic breakup, Phoenix is still heartbroken over Eli. When Eli joins his tour with a new boyfriend, old feelings resurface. Eli’s addiction and belief he’s wrong for Phoenix keep them apart, but being back together forces them to confront their past. Can they heal, or will they repeat the same heartbreak?
Wow. It’s been a long time since a book hit me this hard. This one shattered me. Phoenix and Eli’s journey is a storm of heartbreak, healing, and raw emotion, and I was here for it.
This might be a hot take, but I’ve got a soft spot for Eli. At first, he’s the kind of character you can’t help but dislike because of his actions, but there’s just something about him that stuck with me. Maybe it’s because he kept the dynamic between him and Phoenix toxic for so long—it made him frustrating, but also so compelling to read about.
As for Phoenix, I absolutely loved him. I’ve always been drawn to characters who are hopelessly obsessed with their partners, and Phoenix fits that perfectly. From the moment we learn he was a complete wreck after things ended with Eli, I knew he was down BAD. His clinginess and possessiveness only made that more obvious as the story went on, and I couldn’t get enough of it.
These two shouldn’t work—not even close. They've so much to figure out before they should even think about being in the same room again. But they can’t help it. They’re like magnets, constantly drawn back to each other, no matter how messy it gets. Even though they know it’s probably a bad idea, these two broken boys keep chasing the piece of their heart that only the other can fill, no matter what chaos it might cause.
This book was raw in the most beautiful way, and I found myself connecting with both characters, flaws and all. I was cheering for them to be together, but more than anything, I just wanted them to find peace and happiness within themselves.
Overall, this was everything I wanted and more, and I can't wait to dive into book 2!
Tropes:
🎸 MM Romance
🎙️ Rockstar Romance
🎸 Second Chance
🎙️ Addiction Rep
🎸 Toxic Relationship
A year after their toxic breakup, Phoenix is still heartbroken over Eli. When Eli joins his tour with a new boyfriend, old feelings resurface. Eli’s addiction and belief he’s wrong for Phoenix keep them apart, but being back together forces them to confront their past. Can they heal, or will they repeat the same heartbreak?
Wow. It’s been a long time since a book hit me this hard. This one shattered me. Phoenix and Eli’s journey is a storm of heartbreak, healing, and raw emotion, and I was here for it.
This might be a hot take, but I’ve got a soft spot for Eli. At first, he’s the kind of character you can’t help but dislike because of his actions, but there’s just something about him that stuck with me. Maybe it’s because he kept the dynamic between him and Phoenix toxic for so long—it made him frustrating, but also so compelling to read about.
As for Phoenix, I absolutely loved him. I’ve always been drawn to characters who are hopelessly obsessed with their partners, and Phoenix fits that perfectly. From the moment we learn he was a complete wreck after things ended with Eli, I knew he was down BAD. His clinginess and possessiveness only made that more obvious as the story went on, and I couldn’t get enough of it.
These two shouldn’t work—not even close. They've so much to figure out before they should even think about being in the same room again. But they can’t help it. They’re like magnets, constantly drawn back to each other, no matter how messy it gets. Even though they know it’s probably a bad idea, these two broken boys keep chasing the piece of their heart that only the other can fill, no matter what chaos it might cause.
This book was raw in the most beautiful way, and I found myself connecting with both characters, flaws and all. I was cheering for them to be together, but more than anything, I just wanted them to find peace and happiness within themselves.
Overall, this was everything I wanted and more, and I can't wait to dive into book 2!
Tropes:
🎸 MM Romance
🎙️ Rockstar Romance
🎸 Second Chance
🎙️ Addiction Rep
🎸 Toxic Relationship
November 29, 2024
“So just…let me go, baby. For a little while. Allow me to stop hurting you.”
I've read so many books in my life—probably in the thousands—and I can honestly say that none of them has ever made me cry until now. This book completely broke me! I found myself tearing up not just once but multiple times throughout the story. It really tugged at my heartstrings! I’ve never wanted to hug a fictional character as much as I wanted to hug Eli. I just wanted to wrap him up and tell him it would be alright because he truly deserves to be loved.
The balcony scene with Eli and Phonix was especially heart-wrenching and definitely one of the many moments that got to me. Phoenix and Eli were there for each other, facing challenges together. Even though Eli had to fight through tough times, Phonix knew deep down that Eli truly held his heart.
I loved the storytelling in this book! The author did an amazing job of portraying the hurt and pain that come with addiction and past trauma. I can’t wait to find out what happens next book and just hope we get to get little glimpses with Phonix and Eli throughout the series!
**Beneath the Cherry Blossom Memories** has easily made its way into my top five reads of the year!
As always Check the Triggers. This book touches on some subject matter that could be triggering for some.
Spice: 🔥🔥🔥🔥
Story: 5❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
I've read so many books in my life—probably in the thousands—and I can honestly say that none of them has ever made me cry until now. This book completely broke me! I found myself tearing up not just once but multiple times throughout the story. It really tugged at my heartstrings! I’ve never wanted to hug a fictional character as much as I wanted to hug Eli. I just wanted to wrap him up and tell him it would be alright because he truly deserves to be loved.
The balcony scene with Eli and Phonix was especially heart-wrenching and definitely one of the many moments that got to me. Phoenix and Eli were there for each other, facing challenges together. Even though Eli had to fight through tough times, Phonix knew deep down that Eli truly held his heart.
I loved the storytelling in this book! The author did an amazing job of portraying the hurt and pain that come with addiction and past trauma. I can’t wait to find out what happens next book and just hope we get to get little glimpses with Phonix and Eli throughout the series!
**Beneath the Cherry Blossom Memories** has easily made its way into my top five reads of the year!
As always Check the Triggers. This book touches on some subject matter that could be triggering for some.
Spice: 🔥🔥🔥🔥
Story: 5❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
September 3, 2025
if being without his eli meant he couldn’t breathe he would rather suffocate….oh inject it straight into my veins. this was so devastating and beautiful🖤
i was blown away by how raw eli’s struggle with addiction was written and even more by phoenix’s response to it. being judged by the person who’s supposed to love you unconditionally at your worst is gut wrenching but it happens in real life. it’s what made their story hit so much harder, with how it didn’t gloss over the ugly parts and instead let it all out. eli’s manipulation and cruel behavior was needed!! because this was finally a book that didn’t treat love as some magical cure for addiction but actually showed the reality of it…and that kind of honesty is rare to find in romance books these days.
4.5/5 just wished there was an epilogue chapter of them in the future….wanted to see my baby finally get to dance :(
i was blown away by how raw eli’s struggle with addiction was written and even more by phoenix’s response to it. being judged by the person who’s supposed to love you unconditionally at your worst is gut wrenching but it happens in real life. it’s what made their story hit so much harder, with how it didn’t gloss over the ugly parts and instead let it all out. eli’s manipulation and cruel behavior was needed!! because this was finally a book that didn’t treat love as some magical cure for addiction but actually showed the reality of it…and that kind of honesty is rare to find in romance books these days.
4.5/5 just wished there was an epilogue chapter of them in the future….wanted to see my baby finally get to dance :(
December 17, 2024
I LOVED this book so much. The plot was dark and angsty, the characters were flawed, and Phoenix and Eli were very clearly toxic for each other. But you know what, it came together so beautifully in the end. At the end of the day, Phoenix and Eli loved each other and they did the work to make both themselves and their relationship healthy. This is my second book by Myka Loren, and I loved it just as much as the last one.
Please read this book if you like:
*Second Chance Romance
*Rockstar Romance
*Camboy MMC
*Struggles with addiction
*toxic relationships
*Overcoming abuse/trauma
Favorite Character: Eli. Poor baby is so flawed but he comes by it honestly and I can relate for the need to escape your past.
Favorite Quote: "So just...let me go baby. For a little while. Allow me to stop hurting you" - Eli
Thank you to Myka Loren for the Arc of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.
Please read this book if you like:
*Second Chance Romance
*Rockstar Romance
*Camboy MMC
*Struggles with addiction
*toxic relationships
*Overcoming abuse/trauma
Favorite Character: Eli. Poor baby is so flawed but he comes by it honestly and I can relate for the need to escape your past.
Favorite Quote: "So just...let me go baby. For a little while. Allow me to stop hurting you" - Eli
Thank you to Myka Loren for the Arc of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.
December 20, 2024
Beautiful broken boys. This one hurt me. I had to take breaks. The addiction issues were too close to home for me but I pushed through because the story kept me interested. Loved it.
Now… that damn epilogue 🥹 Oliver & Jorge!!! Ooooh what is that going to do to Phoenix!?
Now… that damn epilogue 🥹 Oliver & Jorge!!! Ooooh what is that going to do to Phoenix!?
March 18, 2025
DNF. Couldn’t finish. Tried but just couldn’t get over their relationship. I knew it was supposed to be toxic but wholly cow for some reason this one really really bothered me so I couldn’t finish.
December 30, 2025
I truly enjoyed the first 30% of this book. I love angst. But something happened around the 40% mark that caused me to lose interest. From there it was a battle for me to finish.
December 23, 2025
3.5⭐️
November 13, 2025
4.25/5 ⭐️
Well that was CERTAINLY a journey. I’ve read my fair share of books that deal with loving someone with an addiction and it’s so hard to read because it feels so real 😭 You truly feel for the person struggling and for the person that loves them. That was no different for Eli and Phoenix. Eli’s story was absolutely devastating and I wanted to give him the biggest hug to tell him he was worth it. That he could be the person he wanted to be if he confessed to himself that he had a problem. And once he truly did, he got that help. The toxicity in between then and rehab between him and Phoenix was actually so insanely unhealthy.. but it’s so worth it when we get to see the HEA. We get to see their healing process through good and practices, but we ultimately see them wanting to be each other’s person. While Phoenix was all in and wanted to love Eli with all he had, it was hard for Eli to love him because how much he hated himself. But once Phoenix put his judgement to the side, he was able to talk to him again and break down some of those walls. I think while it was terribly mean of him to tell Phoenix that being with him hadn’t healed him at all, it was something he needed to get off his chest no matter how much it’d hurt both of them. It was such a wake up call for him and what led him to finally check into rehab. He knew he couldn’t rely on Phoenix to be the reason to be sober, but had to be something he did on his own. So he could learn to love himself and be better for himself so he could be the best version of himself he could in order to love Phoenix the right way 🥹
I think my lower rating was just because of the author’s writing a little bit but that didn’t deter me from crying multiple times. Eli’s internal demons were so freaking heartbreaking that I just couldn’t help it. And the way Phoenix struggled to hold onto Eli was so bad too 😭 But the best things about addiction books is that they make it. The road ahead will still be hard, Eli may relapse and mess up and that’s ok. He knows he has a safe space in Phoenix; someone to pick him back him every time and to most importantly show them that he his life is worth fighting for.
I can’t wait to see more of them in the next book, and selfishly hope that Phoenix can finally connect with Oli again. And OMG lowkey shame of Jorge for keeping his communication with him away from Phoenix… like obviously there’s a reason. I’m just very interested to know what it ends up being.
— all the quotes :)
“I learned early in life that being dramatic didn’t get me anything. Being quiet seemed to work fine on its own. Which later became a fucking nightmare because I like being quiet. I like keeping to myself. It’s just how I am. Eli got that. He got me.”
“What hurts?” The top bunk rests only a handful of inches above my face. I swallow hard, wetting my lips. “Everything. I miss him.” (This HURT me in the craziest way😭)
“I don’t need you anymore. That’s what this shirt represents. Did I ever really need him? Maybe. Maybe I needed him more than I needed anything or anyone.”
“It’s quiet when you’re here.” — “I can feel it. There’s always been this uncanny connection to Eli. It’s one of the things I love about us. With a single look, I could feel what he was feeling. I’d just know things. And I still know them.”
“If I could, I’d bleed myself just to wash away every ounce of toxicity flooding him. There’s a deep-seated pain that he’s bestowed on me; the shock of losing him still electrocutes me. I wonder if he knows how deep the wound cut. Does he know how lonely I am without him?”
“He both silences my pain and coaxes all my desires just by existing. And when he’s caught in my orbit, circling me and waiting for gravity to pull him closer, I know true peace.”
“I’m a lot of things,” — “but I’m the one thing you won’t ever get rid of. And I truly believe that you’d hurt a lot of people just if it meant being able to keep me.”
“I know in my heart that what we had was real—toxic, maybe, but real. I want it back—and everything he didn’t give me.”
“Nothing is going to hurt you. Not while I’m here.” (Crying😭😭)
“God, I forgot how good it feels with him—only him. “This is how it’s supposed to be,” I tell myself more than him.””
“I’ll never admit it out loud, but taking care of him these past few days has shown me that I never stopped caring—never stopped loving. Having him rely on me makes me feel like a superhero. Like I’m the most important person in his life. And damn, if that doesn’t do all kinds of shit to me.”
“Missing Phoenix is selfish, but this past year without him turned me into a mindless, ravenous monster. No one could replace him as hard as I tried to make that happen. No one feels like him, and no one feels me like he can. Can he feel me right now? Does he sense how badly I want to be someone else?“ (😭)
“You had me. I was all in. I wasn’t going anywhere. You wouldn’t have had to miss me at all if you just stayed with me. And now you’re running again. Just fucking stay with me.”
“God, it hurts to kiss him and touch him, but it’s a masochistic sort of hurt. The kind I will inflict on myself over and over until it kills me. Because that’s love, isn’t it?”
“If being without Eli means I get to breathe, then I’d rather suffocate.”
“Do I love the guy? Probably. Love makes you insane, doesn’t it? And when he’s gone, all the light in the world stays where he is. But I’m not worthy of being in that shimmer. I’m not.” (You are so worthy 🥺)
“Maybe we shouldn’t have gotten together, but we did, and no matter how painful it is with him, I’m not sure living without him is better. I thought I could do it, but maybe I can’t. Not when it feels like half of me is woven into him.”
“Why? Why do you want me? I’m…,” I hiccup, “just like him.” — “I let him go. He might be my blood, but you’re my heart, Elijah. You’re my fucking heart, and I can’t live without it.” (Stop🥹)
“I can feel so much transferring through it. His love. His commitment. His unwavering loyalty. This man loves me despite it all. We’ve killed each other, and this kiss is the serum we both need to come alive again.”
“Phoenix always finds the beauty in me no matter how much dirt it’s buried under. Maybe I’ll be able to find it too because… fuck… I’m so tired of being ugly on the inside.”
“The kiss is passion and devastation. It’s my pain and his. It’s my love for him, my soul-deep need to be what he wants, and my silent prayer that he lets me keep him forever. He deserves to be wanted forever. I can be that man for him. I know it. He’s the love of my life.”
“Phoenix matters. He will always matter. He gives my heart a reason to beat. And he took that life-saving drum with him. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. He always had that part of me. Always.”
“Why do you even want to keep me to begin with? Look at what I do to you.” — “I told you,” he says firmly, fighting back sniffles. He brings my hand up to his chest, holding it there. “You’re my heart.”
“Cherry blossoms are one of the shortest-lived flowers,” he whispers, eyes shut. “They symbolize the beauty in fleeting life. But I always felt a connection to them because I never thought I’d live for very long. An aesthetically pleasing tragedy.” — “They also serve as a reminder to appreciate what we have while we have it,” I add. “And hope.”
“You’re not a tragedy, sweetheart. You’ve never been that. To me, you’ve always been kismet. Inevitable.”
“Loving you has been a poison and an antidote. It’s the most intense push and pull I’ve ever experienced, but I’d never change it. Ever. We might burn so hot that we become ash, but we always come back from it. Stronger, brighter, and better than before. I believe that this death, the one I know I’m going to feel just as deeply as you, will be our last one.”
“Think I’ll be a dancer? Like… with a studio?” “We’ll make it happen.” — “Yes. Whatever you want, as long as it’s with me.” (I hope we get to see this in later books🥺)
“No one feels like you. No one.” — “Because you’re mine.” — “You were mine the moment I saw you.”
“I love you,” he whispers, just for me. “I know,” — “I’m going to be okay. It’s going to be okay.”
“I know it’s going to be hard, some days it’s going to feel impossible. But that’s what I’m signing up for. I'll shoulder the rest of that weight if you feel like you’re not strong enough. You don’t have to deal with it alone anymore, Eli.”
“Feel me, Phoenix,” — “And I do. God, I can feel relief surrounding him like a halo of white light. He’s warm and safe with me. A protective cocoon I am sheltering him in. And when he looks into my eyes, I see a horizon of blue. No clouds or ghosts are lurking in the corners. They’re long gone right now. It’s just us.” (Pls🥹🥹)
“It’s not quiet anymore,” “But I like this noise. It’s the good kind.” — “What does it sound like?” — “Wind. Promises I want to keep. Music I want to fuck you to. A dog barking.”
“Thank you.” — “For?” His pretty blue eyes water. “Seeing my worth. It’s something I’m working on, but you saw it first.” — “I wouldn’t have fallen in love with you if you weren’t worth it.”
“I had to do it. I had to be my wrecking ball and destroy those barriers. There are still some; the walls are tough to tear down, but they are crumbling. And with those beams of light streaming in, I can see something better on the other side. I can see a chance at a future.”
“You and me?” — ”Then tell me, sweetheart.” — “My love might be warped, but it’s the only kind I know. And if he’ll have it, I’ll give it to him. “I love you.” He leans in close, nuzzling me, and just before our lips touch, he whispers, “I know.”
Well that was CERTAINLY a journey. I’ve read my fair share of books that deal with loving someone with an addiction and it’s so hard to read because it feels so real 😭 You truly feel for the person struggling and for the person that loves them. That was no different for Eli and Phoenix. Eli’s story was absolutely devastating and I wanted to give him the biggest hug to tell him he was worth it. That he could be the person he wanted to be if he confessed to himself that he had a problem. And once he truly did, he got that help. The toxicity in between then and rehab between him and Phoenix was actually so insanely unhealthy.. but it’s so worth it when we get to see the HEA. We get to see their healing process through good and practices, but we ultimately see them wanting to be each other’s person. While Phoenix was all in and wanted to love Eli with all he had, it was hard for Eli to love him because how much he hated himself. But once Phoenix put his judgement to the side, he was able to talk to him again and break down some of those walls. I think while it was terribly mean of him to tell Phoenix that being with him hadn’t healed him at all, it was something he needed to get off his chest no matter how much it’d hurt both of them. It was such a wake up call for him and what led him to finally check into rehab. He knew he couldn’t rely on Phoenix to be the reason to be sober, but had to be something he did on his own. So he could learn to love himself and be better for himself so he could be the best version of himself he could in order to love Phoenix the right way 🥹
I think my lower rating was just because of the author’s writing a little bit but that didn’t deter me from crying multiple times. Eli’s internal demons were so freaking heartbreaking that I just couldn’t help it. And the way Phoenix struggled to hold onto Eli was so bad too 😭 But the best things about addiction books is that they make it. The road ahead will still be hard, Eli may relapse and mess up and that’s ok. He knows he has a safe space in Phoenix; someone to pick him back him every time and to most importantly show them that he his life is worth fighting for.
I can’t wait to see more of them in the next book, and selfishly hope that Phoenix can finally connect with Oli again. And OMG lowkey shame of Jorge for keeping his communication with him away from Phoenix… like obviously there’s a reason. I’m just very interested to know what it ends up being.
— all the quotes :)
“I learned early in life that being dramatic didn’t get me anything. Being quiet seemed to work fine on its own. Which later became a fucking nightmare because I like being quiet. I like keeping to myself. It’s just how I am. Eli got that. He got me.”
“What hurts?” The top bunk rests only a handful of inches above my face. I swallow hard, wetting my lips. “Everything. I miss him.” (This HURT me in the craziest way😭)
“I don’t need you anymore. That’s what this shirt represents. Did I ever really need him? Maybe. Maybe I needed him more than I needed anything or anyone.”
“It’s quiet when you’re here.” — “I can feel it. There’s always been this uncanny connection to Eli. It’s one of the things I love about us. With a single look, I could feel what he was feeling. I’d just know things. And I still know them.”
“If I could, I’d bleed myself just to wash away every ounce of toxicity flooding him. There’s a deep-seated pain that he’s bestowed on me; the shock of losing him still electrocutes me. I wonder if he knows how deep the wound cut. Does he know how lonely I am without him?”
“He both silences my pain and coaxes all my desires just by existing. And when he’s caught in my orbit, circling me and waiting for gravity to pull him closer, I know true peace.”
“I’m a lot of things,” — “but I’m the one thing you won’t ever get rid of. And I truly believe that you’d hurt a lot of people just if it meant being able to keep me.”
“I know in my heart that what we had was real—toxic, maybe, but real. I want it back—and everything he didn’t give me.”
“Nothing is going to hurt you. Not while I’m here.” (Crying😭😭)
“God, I forgot how good it feels with him—only him. “This is how it’s supposed to be,” I tell myself more than him.””
“I’ll never admit it out loud, but taking care of him these past few days has shown me that I never stopped caring—never stopped loving. Having him rely on me makes me feel like a superhero. Like I’m the most important person in his life. And damn, if that doesn’t do all kinds of shit to me.”
“Missing Phoenix is selfish, but this past year without him turned me into a mindless, ravenous monster. No one could replace him as hard as I tried to make that happen. No one feels like him, and no one feels me like he can. Can he feel me right now? Does he sense how badly I want to be someone else?“ (😭)
“You had me. I was all in. I wasn’t going anywhere. You wouldn’t have had to miss me at all if you just stayed with me. And now you’re running again. Just fucking stay with me.”
“God, it hurts to kiss him and touch him, but it’s a masochistic sort of hurt. The kind I will inflict on myself over and over until it kills me. Because that’s love, isn’t it?”
“If being without Eli means I get to breathe, then I’d rather suffocate.”
“Do I love the guy? Probably. Love makes you insane, doesn’t it? And when he’s gone, all the light in the world stays where he is. But I’m not worthy of being in that shimmer. I’m not.” (You are so worthy 🥺)
“Maybe we shouldn’t have gotten together, but we did, and no matter how painful it is with him, I’m not sure living without him is better. I thought I could do it, but maybe I can’t. Not when it feels like half of me is woven into him.”
“Why? Why do you want me? I’m…,” I hiccup, “just like him.” — “I let him go. He might be my blood, but you’re my heart, Elijah. You’re my fucking heart, and I can’t live without it.” (Stop🥹)
“I can feel so much transferring through it. His love. His commitment. His unwavering loyalty. This man loves me despite it all. We’ve killed each other, and this kiss is the serum we both need to come alive again.”
“Phoenix always finds the beauty in me no matter how much dirt it’s buried under. Maybe I’ll be able to find it too because… fuck… I’m so tired of being ugly on the inside.”
“The kiss is passion and devastation. It’s my pain and his. It’s my love for him, my soul-deep need to be what he wants, and my silent prayer that he lets me keep him forever. He deserves to be wanted forever. I can be that man for him. I know it. He’s the love of my life.”
“Phoenix matters. He will always matter. He gives my heart a reason to beat. And he took that life-saving drum with him. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. He always had that part of me. Always.”
“Why do you even want to keep me to begin with? Look at what I do to you.” — “I told you,” he says firmly, fighting back sniffles. He brings my hand up to his chest, holding it there. “You’re my heart.”
“Cherry blossoms are one of the shortest-lived flowers,” he whispers, eyes shut. “They symbolize the beauty in fleeting life. But I always felt a connection to them because I never thought I’d live for very long. An aesthetically pleasing tragedy.” — “They also serve as a reminder to appreciate what we have while we have it,” I add. “And hope.”
“You’re not a tragedy, sweetheart. You’ve never been that. To me, you’ve always been kismet. Inevitable.”
“Loving you has been a poison and an antidote. It’s the most intense push and pull I’ve ever experienced, but I’d never change it. Ever. We might burn so hot that we become ash, but we always come back from it. Stronger, brighter, and better than before. I believe that this death, the one I know I’m going to feel just as deeply as you, will be our last one.”
“Think I’ll be a dancer? Like… with a studio?” “We’ll make it happen.” — “Yes. Whatever you want, as long as it’s with me.” (I hope we get to see this in later books🥺)
“No one feels like you. No one.” — “Because you’re mine.” — “You were mine the moment I saw you.”
“I love you,” he whispers, just for me. “I know,” — “I’m going to be okay. It’s going to be okay.”
“I know it’s going to be hard, some days it’s going to feel impossible. But that’s what I’m signing up for. I'll shoulder the rest of that weight if you feel like you’re not strong enough. You don’t have to deal with it alone anymore, Eli.”
“Feel me, Phoenix,” — “And I do. God, I can feel relief surrounding him like a halo of white light. He’s warm and safe with me. A protective cocoon I am sheltering him in. And when he looks into my eyes, I see a horizon of blue. No clouds or ghosts are lurking in the corners. They’re long gone right now. It’s just us.” (Pls🥹🥹)
“It’s not quiet anymore,” “But I like this noise. It’s the good kind.” — “What does it sound like?” — “Wind. Promises I want to keep. Music I want to fuck you to. A dog barking.”
“Thank you.” — “For?” His pretty blue eyes water. “Seeing my worth. It’s something I’m working on, but you saw it first.” — “I wouldn’t have fallen in love with you if you weren’t worth it.”
“I had to do it. I had to be my wrecking ball and destroy those barriers. There are still some; the walls are tough to tear down, but they are crumbling. And with those beams of light streaming in, I can see something better on the other side. I can see a chance at a future.”
“You and me?” — ”Then tell me, sweetheart.” — “My love might be warped, but it’s the only kind I know. And if he’ll have it, I’ll give it to him. “I love you.” He leans in close, nuzzling me, and just before our lips touch, he whispers, “I know.”
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
January 6, 2025
I’m a sucker for hurt/comfort so it’s no surprise I loved this book! Phoenix and Eli’s relationship is messy and toxic because of their addictions and codependency, but it’s written so well. You can feel how much they need each other and their second chance felt so deserved. Eli’s journey with addiction was emotional and intense and I really appreciated how it was handled. It broke my heart more than once. I can’t wait to see where the next book takes certain secondary characters!
November 30, 2024
I was blessed to read an Adance Reader Copy of Beneath Cherry Blossom Memories.
In this book, Phoenix, the drummer for the band Dreadful, is going on tour with his band for the first time. This is the big break they've been waiting for, and the exposure they're getting with the other bands is everything they've ever dreamed. But there's a problem, because one of the other band's drummers has brought some arm candy, and it just happens to be Phoenix's ex, the love of his life and the man who broke his heart. As if that weren't bad enough, Eli seems determined to catch Phoenix's attention and rubbing his new relationship in Phoenix's face. The real problem is that Phoenix still loves Eli, despite everything, and the even bigger problem is that Eli is still in denial about his addiction. Phoenix doesn't want anything to do with Eli being on drugs, but when Eli calls him for help, Phoenix is powerless to deny him. It soon becomes clear, though, that nothing has changed in the year since their breakup. And even as they try to navigate the gentle truce between them, Phoenix wants more, and Eli can't make a decision about whether he wants to give it to Phoenix or not. Eli has everything to gain if he accepts the love and support Phoenix is offering. But if he doesn't get the help he needs, he could lose Phoenix forever.
I have torn feelings about this book. I really wanted to love it. I liked Phoenix quite a bit, but I hated Eli from the beginning. He is so selfish. I get that it's part of the addictions cycle, but he had very few redeeming qualities through the whole book. He just taunted Phoenix the whole time, used him, and then ran every time it got hard. And even though he did finally do something about his addiction, it was only a small piece, and he didn't really contribute very much to their relationship. I think part of my problem is that we didn't see any of the after-treatment recovery. It ended right after Eli was released, so how could Eli really change to be better for Phoenix? It was still too new of a mindset. Yeah, Eli was doing well, but it had only been a few days. I also hated that Phoenix blamed himself for everything that led to them breaking up and for being frustrated and angry with Eli when they started talking again. Phoenix had every right to be furious and hurt and to yell if he wanted. Nothing else was getting through. Plus it was super crap that it let Eli take zero responsibility for his actions. Phoenix just enabled Eli to blame someone else. I hated that. And then they kept having sex at really inappropriate times. Like they both were constantly having breakdowns but still doing it through the tears. It made me feel like the characters weren't thoughtful about the other's trauma or feelings and used sex as a deflection tool. It could have been okay maybe once or twice, but it happened way more than that, and I wasn't a fan of that choice. I haven't read many books where characters have addictions issues to this extent, and I have no personal experience about it, so maybe I am underestimating how people react in these situations, but I wasn't a fan of how Phoenix and Eli dealt with much of anything, and I think their happily ever after was premature.
That being said, I liked the premise of this book a lot. I liked Phoenix and the band tour, liked his supportive family and friends. I adored Jorge. I can't wait to read his book! I also can't wait to figure out what's going on between Devon and Michael. I did like that Phoenix and Eli got their second chance and that Eli finally made the choice to get better. I was on pins and needles waiting to see what happened the whole time, and I loved the humor sprinkled throughput. I liked that Phoenix gave Eli his lucky socks. It was cute and very personal.
As a whole, I did enjoy this book. I never wanted to stop reading it, but I think it needed more on the back end to really show character development. I found myself wanting more from the story, but I loved Jorge and the side characters and can't wait to see what happens next. I rate this one 3.5/5 stars, mostly because I couldn't stop hating one of the main characters.
In this book, Phoenix, the drummer for the band Dreadful, is going on tour with his band for the first time. This is the big break they've been waiting for, and the exposure they're getting with the other bands is everything they've ever dreamed. But there's a problem, because one of the other band's drummers has brought some arm candy, and it just happens to be Phoenix's ex, the love of his life and the man who broke his heart. As if that weren't bad enough, Eli seems determined to catch Phoenix's attention and rubbing his new relationship in Phoenix's face. The real problem is that Phoenix still loves Eli, despite everything, and the even bigger problem is that Eli is still in denial about his addiction. Phoenix doesn't want anything to do with Eli being on drugs, but when Eli calls him for help, Phoenix is powerless to deny him. It soon becomes clear, though, that nothing has changed in the year since their breakup. And even as they try to navigate the gentle truce between them, Phoenix wants more, and Eli can't make a decision about whether he wants to give it to Phoenix or not. Eli has everything to gain if he accepts the love and support Phoenix is offering. But if he doesn't get the help he needs, he could lose Phoenix forever.
I have torn feelings about this book. I really wanted to love it. I liked Phoenix quite a bit, but I hated Eli from the beginning. He is so selfish. I get that it's part of the addictions cycle, but he had very few redeeming qualities through the whole book. He just taunted Phoenix the whole time, used him, and then ran every time it got hard. And even though he did finally do something about his addiction, it was only a small piece, and he didn't really contribute very much to their relationship. I think part of my problem is that we didn't see any of the after-treatment recovery. It ended right after Eli was released, so how could Eli really change to be better for Phoenix? It was still too new of a mindset. Yeah, Eli was doing well, but it had only been a few days. I also hated that Phoenix blamed himself for everything that led to them breaking up and for being frustrated and angry with Eli when they started talking again. Phoenix had every right to be furious and hurt and to yell if he wanted. Nothing else was getting through. Plus it was super crap that it let Eli take zero responsibility for his actions. Phoenix just enabled Eli to blame someone else. I hated that. And then they kept having sex at really inappropriate times. Like they both were constantly having breakdowns but still doing it through the tears. It made me feel like the characters weren't thoughtful about the other's trauma or feelings and used sex as a deflection tool. It could have been okay maybe once or twice, but it happened way more than that, and I wasn't a fan of that choice. I haven't read many books where characters have addictions issues to this extent, and I have no personal experience about it, so maybe I am underestimating how people react in these situations, but I wasn't a fan of how Phoenix and Eli dealt with much of anything, and I think their happily ever after was premature.
That being said, I liked the premise of this book a lot. I liked Phoenix and the band tour, liked his supportive family and friends. I adored Jorge. I can't wait to read his book! I also can't wait to figure out what's going on between Devon and Michael. I did like that Phoenix and Eli got their second chance and that Eli finally made the choice to get better. I was on pins and needles waiting to see what happened the whole time, and I loved the humor sprinkled throughput. I liked that Phoenix gave Eli his lucky socks. It was cute and very personal.
As a whole, I did enjoy this book. I never wanted to stop reading it, but I think it needed more on the back end to really show character development. I found myself wanting more from the story, but I loved Jorge and the side characters and can't wait to see what happens next. I rate this one 3.5/5 stars, mostly because I couldn't stop hating one of the main characters.
September 20, 2025
4.5⭐️
“Cherry blossoms are one of the shortest-lived flowers, they symbolize the beauty in fleeting life. But I always felt a connection to them because I never thought I’d live for very long. An aesthetically pleasing tragedy.”
“They also serve as a reminder to appreciate what we have while we have it, and hope.”
THIS BOOK
The kiss is passion and devastation. It’s my pain and his. It’s my love for him, my soul-deep need to be what he wants, and my silent prayer that he lets me keep him forever. He deserves to be wanted forever. I can be that man for him. I know it. He’s the love of my life. “I love you,” He kisses me harder. “I love you,” I repeat it because he needs to know. “Please let me love you.”
THIS F*CKING BOOK
“Good luck, man! You got this. I believe in you.”
I want to acknowledge Jorge, but my eyes are only for Phoenix. He’s crying, weeping for me. “Tell me again,” I call out.
“I love you!” He’s walking backward, Jorge tugging him and their suitcases along. “I fucking love you, Elijah!”
Why not five stars? For two reasons: I was expecting an interaction between Eli and his aunt, she was talked about throughout the whole book, so I was hoping she’d make an appearance. And the fact that she got no smoke after everything she to him? Nope, that didn’t sit right with me.
“If you had the opportunity, and nothing was stopping you. Would you pick another life?”
“Yes.”
“What would you do?”
“I’d have parents.”
Another thing I didn’t like is that we never got the conversation where Eli tells Phoenix everything he’s been through or share his past and trauma with him. In group therapy, he said he wouldn’t do it with strangers because he wanted to tell Phoenix first, and in the end, he didn’t.
“You had me. I was all in. I wasn’t going anywhere. You wouldn’t have had to miss me at all if you just stayed with me. And now you’re running again. Just fucking stay with me.”
NOW, can we talk about Jorge and Oliver?! I’m not gonna lie, I saw that pairing coming from the beginning. Everyone needs a Jorge in their life. He was a true friend, and it’s no surprise that Eli and Oliver turned to him when they couldn’t go to Phoenix.
“Guys?” We both pop up, looking to the source of the interruption. Jorge is standing in the hallway, eyes wet. “The walls are super thin,” he chokes and swipes at his eyes. “Can I hug you both?”
He’s a touch starved empath baby I LOVE HIM and I’m curious about Oliver story, an addict with touch aversion? Babe who did that to you?
“Why? Why do you want me? I’m…just like him.”
“And I abandoned him. I let him go. He might be my blood, but you’re my heart, Elijah. You’re my fucking heart, and I can’t live without it.”
Shit will hit the fan when Phoenix finds out that Jorge not only knew where his brother was but was also in contact with him, I CAN'T WAIT
“What if we don’t come back this time? What if our roots die?”
“We will. And when this is all over, and we see each other again, we will know, sweetheart. We’ll fucking know.”
“You remember that?”
“Every word. I can’t give you all that life, but I can give you the ending. I will give you that ending. I’ll even get the damn dog.”
“Cherry blossoms are one of the shortest-lived flowers, they symbolize the beauty in fleeting life. But I always felt a connection to them because I never thought I’d live for very long. An aesthetically pleasing tragedy.”
“They also serve as a reminder to appreciate what we have while we have it, and hope.”
THIS BOOK
The kiss is passion and devastation. It’s my pain and his. It’s my love for him, my soul-deep need to be what he wants, and my silent prayer that he lets me keep him forever. He deserves to be wanted forever. I can be that man for him. I know it. He’s the love of my life. “I love you,” He kisses me harder. “I love you,” I repeat it because he needs to know. “Please let me love you.”
THIS F*CKING BOOK
“Good luck, man! You got this. I believe in you.”
I want to acknowledge Jorge, but my eyes are only for Phoenix. He’s crying, weeping for me. “Tell me again,” I call out.
“I love you!” He’s walking backward, Jorge tugging him and their suitcases along. “I fucking love you, Elijah!”
Why not five stars? For two reasons: I was expecting an interaction between Eli and his aunt, she was talked about throughout the whole book, so I was hoping she’d make an appearance. And the fact that she got no smoke after everything she to him? Nope, that didn’t sit right with me.
“If you had the opportunity, and nothing was stopping you. Would you pick another life?”
“Yes.”
“What would you do?”
“I’d have parents.”
Another thing I didn’t like is that we never got the conversation where Eli tells Phoenix everything he’s been through or share his past and trauma with him. In group therapy, he said he wouldn’t do it with strangers because he wanted to tell Phoenix first, and in the end, he didn’t.
“You had me. I was all in. I wasn’t going anywhere. You wouldn’t have had to miss me at all if you just stayed with me. And now you’re running again. Just fucking stay with me.”
NOW, can we talk about Jorge and Oliver?! I’m not gonna lie, I saw that pairing coming from the beginning. Everyone needs a Jorge in their life. He was a true friend, and it’s no surprise that Eli and Oliver turned to him when they couldn’t go to Phoenix.
“Guys?” We both pop up, looking to the source of the interruption. Jorge is standing in the hallway, eyes wet. “The walls are super thin,” he chokes and swipes at his eyes. “Can I hug you both?”
He’s a touch starved empath baby I LOVE HIM and I’m curious about Oliver story, an addict with touch aversion? Babe who did that to you?
“Why? Why do you want me? I’m…just like him.”
“And I abandoned him. I let him go. He might be my blood, but you’re my heart, Elijah. You’re my fucking heart, and I can’t live without it.”
Shit will hit the fan when Phoenix finds out that Jorge not only knew where his brother was but was also in contact with him, I CAN'T WAIT
“What if we don’t come back this time? What if our roots die?”
“We will. And when this is all over, and we see each other again, we will know, sweetheart. We’ll fucking know.”
“You remember that?”
“Every word. I can’t give you all that life, but I can give you the ending. I will give you that ending. I’ll even get the damn dog.”
December 22, 2024
In Beneath Cherry Blossom Memories we first meet Phoenix. He is the drummer of the up and coming band Dreadful. He’s trying to move on with his life after a toxic and tumultuous relationship ended. Much like his ex, he has an addiction, one that is slowly and painfully eating him alive. But this one can’t be treated with detox or rehab and when his ex appears back in his life after a year, he’s desperate for his next fix, no matter how badly it might end. But can he overcome his own demons to help the one person he loves more than anything else in the world?
Eli is a mess. His past is haunting him day and night. He can’t escape the memories and the voices are so loud. At one time, Phoenix could quiet those voices. But Eli has ruined that. He knew their time was limited, he knew he couldn’t be the future Phoenix wanted and now the only way to drown out the constant barrage of noise is his “medicine”. Phoenix and him are on a collision course of Eli’s own making. He needs him, and he will do everything in his power to get him back, even if he destroys both of them in the process.
This book was a rollercoaster of a read. Eli was frustrating and unlikeable at many times throughout, however at other points, I found myself completely empathizing with him. Phoenix was such a complex character and while he was the more sympathetic character, his lack of insight and empathy early on in the story was grating. This is not a negative critique of either of these characters as this book centered around 2 incredibly flawed individuals who have to learn not only how the other ticks but also that they themselves are being blinded by wounds left by outside parties.
Both MCs have significant character development and I would say that is at the center of this book with the plot being the second priority. However, without that development of these characters, the plot really couldn’t have driven forward so they were equally driving one another. Eli was kind of all over the place, which was so true to his condition. He made fear-based decisions and was really just stuck in stasis while simultaneously moving at light speed all the time and living in denial about who he really was. Meanwhile, Phoenix was doing his best to simply keep putting one foot in front of the other but was going nowhere, finding himself being pulled into Eli’s orbit over and over again.
I liked this book. I felt the author did a decent job showing the circular patterns that exist within a toxic relationship. She really highlighted the constant push and pull of both characters as they crashed and burned over and over. She showed how love and hate ride a very thin line and how sometimes even when you love someone, resentments and hate-filled words are sitting just below the surface, waiting for that one trigger to set off a chain reaction of events.
These boys had a very hard fought HEA. Their story very much reminded me of a Grey’s Anatomy quote: “The carousel never stops turning. You can’t get off.” I gave this book a 4.25🌟
Eli is a mess. His past is haunting him day and night. He can’t escape the memories and the voices are so loud. At one time, Phoenix could quiet those voices. But Eli has ruined that. He knew their time was limited, he knew he couldn’t be the future Phoenix wanted and now the only way to drown out the constant barrage of noise is his “medicine”. Phoenix and him are on a collision course of Eli’s own making. He needs him, and he will do everything in his power to get him back, even if he destroys both of them in the process.
This book was a rollercoaster of a read. Eli was frustrating and unlikeable at many times throughout, however at other points, I found myself completely empathizing with him. Phoenix was such a complex character and while he was the more sympathetic character, his lack of insight and empathy early on in the story was grating. This is not a negative critique of either of these characters as this book centered around 2 incredibly flawed individuals who have to learn not only how the other ticks but also that they themselves are being blinded by wounds left by outside parties.
Both MCs have significant character development and I would say that is at the center of this book with the plot being the second priority. However, without that development of these characters, the plot really couldn’t have driven forward so they were equally driving one another. Eli was kind of all over the place, which was so true to his condition. He made fear-based decisions and was really just stuck in stasis while simultaneously moving at light speed all the time and living in denial about who he really was. Meanwhile, Phoenix was doing his best to simply keep putting one foot in front of the other but was going nowhere, finding himself being pulled into Eli’s orbit over and over again.
I liked this book. I felt the author did a decent job showing the circular patterns that exist within a toxic relationship. She really highlighted the constant push and pull of both characters as they crashed and burned over and over. She showed how love and hate ride a very thin line and how sometimes even when you love someone, resentments and hate-filled words are sitting just below the surface, waiting for that one trigger to set off a chain reaction of events.
These boys had a very hard fought HEA. Their story very much reminded me of a Grey’s Anatomy quote: “The carousel never stops turning. You can’t get off.” I gave this book a 4.25🌟
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