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If You Must Go, I Wish You Triplets: A Memoir
Sometimes we know the least about those we love the most.
When psychotherapist Virginia DeLuca’s sixty-year-old husband walked out saying he wanted babies, everyone had a theory: He knocked up another woman. He had a nervous breakdown. He has a brain tumor. DeLuca spent decades helping clients cope with sudden losses and dramatic changes—and then she experienced a sudden loss, leaving her with the mystery of the ending and the need to forge an unfamiliar path. If You Must Go, I Wish You Triplets is an unflinching exploration of love and relationships from a woman who ultimately found that life can expand in unexpected ways.
When psychotherapist Virginia DeLuca’s sixty-year-old husband walked out saying he wanted babies, everyone had a theory: He knocked up another woman. He had a nervous breakdown. He has a brain tumor. DeLuca spent decades helping clients cope with sudden losses and dramatic changes—and then she experienced a sudden loss, leaving her with the mystery of the ending and the need to forge an unfamiliar path. If You Must Go, I Wish You Triplets is an unflinching exploration of love and relationships from a woman who ultimately found that life can expand in unexpected ways.
258 pages, Kindle Edition
Published April 22, 2025
38 people are currently reading
4496 people want to read
About the author
Virginia DeLuca
5 books53 followers“You think your pain and your heartbreak are unprecedented in the history of the world,” James Baldwin reflected, “but then you read.”
I love this quote. (Marginalian, Maria Popova.) Falling in love and heartbreak are so universal and yet each of us experiences it as unique and brand new. Reading has given me glimpses into others hearts and minds.
I’m a writer and psychotherapist, living and working in Boston, MA. When not writing, I am often reading, sharing books, drinking coffee, and sharing stories.
I’m the author of the novel, As If Women Mattered. The story was inspired by my own experiences with feminism and I wanted to share the exhilaration of those times. My memoir, If You Must Go, I Wish You Triplets is currently available for pre-sale. My essays have appeared in the Iowa Review, The Writer, and The Huffington Post.
I love this quote. (Marginalian, Maria Popova.) Falling in love and heartbreak are so universal and yet each of us experiences it as unique and brand new. Reading has given me glimpses into others hearts and minds.
I’m a writer and psychotherapist, living and working in Boston, MA. When not writing, I am often reading, sharing books, drinking coffee, and sharing stories.
I’m the author of the novel, As If Women Mattered. The story was inspired by my own experiences with feminism and I wanted to share the exhilaration of those times. My memoir, If You Must Go, I Wish You Triplets is currently available for pre-sale. My essays have appeared in the Iowa Review, The Writer, and The Huffington Post.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 52 reviews
April 12, 2025
What a deep pleasure it’s been to read If You Must Go I Wish You Triplets - to discover its heartache and also its great heart. To follow its surprising endings and cheer its new beginnings. To wonder how a story rocked by betrayal and the fearless self-examination that follows can be so damn funny. This beautifully crafted book will remain with you long after you’ve turned its last surprising page.
Read
February 9, 2025I looooove memoirs and I especially love them when they are written by a ~writer~. (I don’t rate them though, it doesn’t seem fair/kind? Idk don’t read too much into it thx.)
Virginia and her second husband have been together for 14 years when at age 60 he asks for a divorce out of the blue because he wants to have babies. What follows is laid out in Virginia’s lovely book with beautiful prose that really leaves you admiring a life well-lived AND well-loved.
My only issue (besides her ex-husband, who really got on my nerves) was that the story felt kind of jumpy as we went back and forth between past and present, but that’s a minor complaint!
If you’re not into memoirs I’d say skip this, but if you like them, go for it! Thank you to NetGalley and Apprentice House Press of Loyola University Maryland for the eARC in exchange for an honest review!
Virginia and her second husband have been together for 14 years when at age 60 he asks for a divorce out of the blue because he wants to have babies. What follows is laid out in Virginia’s lovely book with beautiful prose that really leaves you admiring a life well-lived AND well-loved.
My only issue (besides her ex-husband, who really got on my nerves) was that the story felt kind of jumpy as we went back and forth between past and present, but that’s a minor complaint!
If you’re not into memoirs I’d say skip this, but if you like them, go for it! Thank you to NetGalley and Apprentice House Press of Loyola University Maryland for the eARC in exchange for an honest review!
January 6, 2025
Her husband wants to have babies in his sixties? As you travel with Virginia through ‘grief-land’, you’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll undoubtedly want to punch her husband, but most of all, you’ll learn how to overcome the unthinkable with grace and purpose. A therapist’s hilarious, yet wise perspective and must-read for anyone navigating betrayal.
September 10, 2025
Virginia DeLuca’s memoir, “If You Must Go, I Wish You Triplets” is immediately captivating and propulsive.
When she was 61 her 60-year-old second husband (and love of her life), Perry, suddenly left her because he no longer found her attractive, and he wanted to start his own family. There had been NO SIGNS.
Or were there?
I was fascinated, touched, and reminded of experiences of loss and betrayal in my own life. I’m glad I read this moving memoir about how DeLuca processed this bombshell and ultimately survived it.
When she was 61 her 60-year-old second husband (and love of her life), Perry, suddenly left her because he no longer found her attractive, and he wanted to start his own family. There had been NO SIGNS.
Or were there?
I was fascinated, touched, and reminded of experiences of loss and betrayal in my own life. I’m glad I read this moving memoir about how DeLuca processed this bombshell and ultimately survived it.
February 20, 2025
I have mixed feelings about this memoir. It's the story of a second marriage -- later in life -- that ends after 14 years because the husband, Perry, decides he wants to get a younger partner and have babies. (!!!!) Talk about a late-life crisis. Virginia, or Gin, as she goes by, is understandably devasted as this news totally came out of nowhere. She is a psychotherapist, so you would think she has seen all kinds of mental breakdowns, but in Perry's case, she spends most of her time wondering what went wrong, and how she can fix it.
Obviously, Perry did have some kind of mental breakdown (later in the book, Gin starts to believe that he suffered from a form of frontal lobe dementia), as he finds a much younger Vietnamese girlfriend named Ann, who is in the U.S. as a graduate student. He's going to marry her, but no, he misses his old life and wants to get back with Gin. Oh, no, he's not going to marry the girl, but he is going to travel to Vietnam. But wait, no, he texts and emails (rarely calls) Gin, crying inconsolably, wanting to get back together. But amazingly, he lied -- there was no Ann, there is a different Vietnamese student who he's been carrying on with for years! Gin, meanwhile, keeps waiting with baited breath, because she refuses to see that Perry is manipulative, deceitful and a poor excuse for a human being (my words, not hers). Her friends and family tell her to block his texts and emails and let him go. And on and on and on. After several health scares and a to Boston to be closer to her family, not to mention she sold a novel, Gin eventually starts to accept her new life -- yet she still wonders if it could ever work out.
The book goes back and forth between present day and Gin's family history, including the fact that her own father had an affair and left her mother. Her brother, John, who had a wife and children, had AIDS when it was still a "new" disease with all the stigmas and fear that came with the diagnosis. I tried hard not to just skim over theses parts of the book, because they just weren't as interesting to me as the the Gin and Perry saga. Yet, some background was necessary to understand where Gin's own insecurities and rationalizations came from.
This is primarily why I kept reading -- I wanted to find out if she did the right thing and moved on without Perry in her life, or if she gave in because she didn't want to be alone. The most interesting thing I learned is that divorce in later life has become a much more common occurrence. I'd like to have seen more research into that in this book.
Thanks to NetGalley, the author and Apprentice House for the eARC and the opportunity to read and review this memoir.
Obviously, Perry did have some kind of mental breakdown (later in the book, Gin starts to believe that he suffered from a form of frontal lobe dementia), as he finds a much younger Vietnamese girlfriend named Ann, who is in the U.S. as a graduate student. He's going to marry her, but no, he misses his old life and wants to get back with Gin. Oh, no, he's not going to marry the girl, but he is going to travel to Vietnam. But wait, no, he texts and emails (rarely calls) Gin, crying inconsolably, wanting to get back together. But amazingly, he lied -- there was no Ann, there is a different Vietnamese student who he's been carrying on with for years! Gin, meanwhile, keeps waiting with baited breath, because she refuses to see that Perry is manipulative, deceitful and a poor excuse for a human being (my words, not hers). Her friends and family tell her to block his texts and emails and let him go. And on and on and on. After several health scares and a to Boston to be closer to her family, not to mention she sold a novel, Gin eventually starts to accept her new life -- yet she still wonders if it could ever work out.
The book goes back and forth between present day and Gin's family history, including the fact that her own father had an affair and left her mother. Her brother, John, who had a wife and children, had AIDS when it was still a "new" disease with all the stigmas and fear that came with the diagnosis. I tried hard not to just skim over theses parts of the book, because they just weren't as interesting to me as the the Gin and Perry saga. Yet, some background was necessary to understand where Gin's own insecurities and rationalizations came from.
This is primarily why I kept reading -- I wanted to find out if she did the right thing and moved on without Perry in her life, or if she gave in because she didn't want to be alone. The most interesting thing I learned is that divorce in later life has become a much more common occurrence. I'd like to have seen more research into that in this book.
Thanks to NetGalley, the author and Apprentice House for the eARC and the opportunity to read and review this memoir.
August 24, 2025
Ripening, Deepening, and Unravelling: Love in One’s Sixties
A Book Review of If You Must Go, I Wish You Triplets by Virginia DeLuca
In If You Must Go, I Wish You Triplets, we meet a woman in her sixties who is blindsided when her husband of fifteen years, Perry, announces that he wants children of his own. She has already raised six; she thought this stage of life would be about shared laughter, quiet rituals, and the deepening of love over time.
Instead, she is thrust into heartbreak, confusion, and the daunting prospect of starting over—in her sixties.
DeLuca does not flinch from showing us the raw bewilderment of betrayal at an age when one expects steadiness, not drama. She writes, “and my sense of what trust and love mean at 61 years old astounds me. Who is this man who refuses to talk after doing such a thing to someone he purported to love as recently as last week?”
The candour here is searing; it exposes how devastating it can be to have one’s understanding of love shaken so late in life.
What resonated with me most is the honesty about age and the passage of time. The narrator acknowledges that resilience looks different at 61 than it did at 39: “I was okay about starting over in my forties after my first marriage ended. But at sixty-one? … I don’t want a new love; I want a love that lasts, one that ripens and deepens over years and years.”
This is not just about heartbreak—it is about the fear of wasted years, the ache for continuity, and the recognition that time feels finite.
The book is also wryly observant about the indignities and surprises of ageing: “Sixty is the age of leaving the house only to return for car keys; the age of, Have you seen my glasses? The age of sudden, unwanted diagnoses. Who leaves a marriage at this point?”
That blend of humour and disbelief makes the narrative relatable. It reminds us that ageing is both absurd and profound, and often both at once.
What lifts the book beyond a tale of betrayal is its insistence on imagining a different kind of ageing: “Damn, I want a new vision of growing old. I want to see myself with the wind in my hair, the sun at my back, and a huge shit-eating grin on my face … I want a new path.”
The narrator refuses to let loss define her final years. She insists on claiming joy, courage, and forward motion—even if that means stumbling.
As an elder mediator, I find myself drawn to precisely these kinds of stories. They illuminate what it feels like to age, to face love and loss when the horizon is shorter, and to wrestle with questions of identity, dignity, and hope.
This book is not simply about one woman’s marriage ending; it is about the universal gamble of love, the inevitability of loss, and the courage to keep opening ourselves to both—at sixty-one, or at any age.
If You Must Go, I Wish You Triplets is thoughtful, candid, and wry. Virginia DeLuca captures with honesty the ache and absurdity of being human in the “third third” of life, when time is precious and love feels both more fragile and more necessary than ever.
A Book Review of If You Must Go, I Wish You Triplets by Virginia DeLuca
In If You Must Go, I Wish You Triplets, we meet a woman in her sixties who is blindsided when her husband of fifteen years, Perry, announces that he wants children of his own. She has already raised six; she thought this stage of life would be about shared laughter, quiet rituals, and the deepening of love over time.
Instead, she is thrust into heartbreak, confusion, and the daunting prospect of starting over—in her sixties.
DeLuca does not flinch from showing us the raw bewilderment of betrayal at an age when one expects steadiness, not drama. She writes, “and my sense of what trust and love mean at 61 years old astounds me. Who is this man who refuses to talk after doing such a thing to someone he purported to love as recently as last week?”
The candour here is searing; it exposes how devastating it can be to have one’s understanding of love shaken so late in life.
What resonated with me most is the honesty about age and the passage of time. The narrator acknowledges that resilience looks different at 61 than it did at 39: “I was okay about starting over in my forties after my first marriage ended. But at sixty-one? … I don’t want a new love; I want a love that lasts, one that ripens and deepens over years and years.”
This is not just about heartbreak—it is about the fear of wasted years, the ache for continuity, and the recognition that time feels finite.
The book is also wryly observant about the indignities and surprises of ageing: “Sixty is the age of leaving the house only to return for car keys; the age of, Have you seen my glasses? The age of sudden, unwanted diagnoses. Who leaves a marriage at this point?”
That blend of humour and disbelief makes the narrative relatable. It reminds us that ageing is both absurd and profound, and often both at once.
What lifts the book beyond a tale of betrayal is its insistence on imagining a different kind of ageing: “Damn, I want a new vision of growing old. I want to see myself with the wind in my hair, the sun at my back, and a huge shit-eating grin on my face … I want a new path.”
The narrator refuses to let loss define her final years. She insists on claiming joy, courage, and forward motion—even if that means stumbling.
As an elder mediator, I find myself drawn to precisely these kinds of stories. They illuminate what it feels like to age, to face love and loss when the horizon is shorter, and to wrestle with questions of identity, dignity, and hope.
This book is not simply about one woman’s marriage ending; it is about the universal gamble of love, the inevitability of loss, and the courage to keep opening ourselves to both—at sixty-one, or at any age.
If You Must Go, I Wish You Triplets is thoughtful, candid, and wry. Virginia DeLuca captures with honesty the ache and absurdity of being human in the “third third” of life, when time is precious and love feels both more fragile and more necessary than ever.
July 21, 2025
Thank you for sharing your story!
July 4, 2025
Well written and (mostly) relatable.
I don’t read “chick lit” and normally I’ll walk barefoot on hot coals to avoid reading anything by a psychologist. I know they’re necessary and do good work, but I’m old fashioned. I prefer to keep my emotions to myself and for others to do the same. If that’s mentally unhealthy, I plead guilty.
But, dammit, it’s a good story. I'm puzzled about why she reacted to a life crisis the way she did, but it makes for fine reading. I loved the parts about her childhood and her mis-matched parents and their uneasy marriage. Of course,she was sure HER marriage would be the opposite, but marriages can be unhappy in all kinds of ways. If there’s a reliable blueprint for getting it right, I’ve never heard of it.
In middle-age, she ended a miserable marriage, emerging with a satisfying career, three good sons, and a determination to avoid marriage in the future. Then she met a gentle, kind man who made her feel young and sexy. He was also in a “caring” profession and she admired his dedication. Their shared tastes astonished her. What could she do but marry him?
She relocated and made long commutes in order to be with him in the beautiful New Hampshire home they bought together. She knew he didn’t enjoy groups of people, which made it difficult for her to spend time with her sons and grandchildren. She made what she thought were mutually-acceptable accommodations.
After fourteen years, her husband disappeared. Then he WROTE her that he wanted to end the marriage to meet a younger woman and have a child or children. He’d met a woman when he was teaching briefly in Vietnam and wanted to “see how it worked out.” He wrote because he couldn't bear to tell her in person.
I suspect younger people will sympathize with the author's emotional reactions, but be puzzled by her concern with finances. The reality is that older people MUST be concerned with financial survival and that colors our emotional responses. This couple was in their early sixties, a time when retirement and old age looms large. Although both were earners, their finances (including the all-important health insurance) were intertwined. Her husband ignored this, ready to toss everything out the window for romance and the joys(?) of siring children.
Everyone had an opinion about what could be wrong with him. Most recognized the selfishness and cruelty which she was unwilling to acknowledge. She KNEW this man and he was kind and unselfish and that was that. She wavered between “fighting” for her marriage (how?) and letting him go. His story kept changing and (bluntly) he played her like a violin.
I think the end was inevitable and she went on with her life in a sensible way. I was (to my great surprise) LOVING this book until she went into psychotherapist mode and tried to relieve everyone involved of all guilt. I simply can’t buy into that theory.
There is right and wrong, in personal relationships as in everything else. Everyone deserves to be dealt with honestly. No one can be excused for lying or for cruelly raising hopes and then destroying them. At some point, bad behavior needs to be condemned. Yes, we’re all guilty of it at some time, but it’s never OK or excusable.
I’m giving it four stars because I admire her courage and because she’s a fine storyteller. I’m glad she’s found emotional peace and I wish the best for her. I’m knocking off a star because letting people off the hook by saying they’re doing the best they can just isn’t good enough. Isn’t there an inherent contradiction in saying that no one is ever guilty of anything, but condemning those of us who don’t buy into that as “judgemental”?
Who wants to live in a world in which any kind of cruelty is excused? If she had treated him as badly as he treated her, would she absolve herself of all guilt? I doubt it.
Mark Twain said, “Man is the only animal that blushes, or needs to.” Sam, honey, you said a mouthful. Still, it’s a great story and I’m glad I read it.
I don’t read “chick lit” and normally I’ll walk barefoot on hot coals to avoid reading anything by a psychologist. I know they’re necessary and do good work, but I’m old fashioned. I prefer to keep my emotions to myself and for others to do the same. If that’s mentally unhealthy, I plead guilty.
But, dammit, it’s a good story. I'm puzzled about why she reacted to a life crisis the way she did, but it makes for fine reading. I loved the parts about her childhood and her mis-matched parents and their uneasy marriage. Of course,she was sure HER marriage would be the opposite, but marriages can be unhappy in all kinds of ways. If there’s a reliable blueprint for getting it right, I’ve never heard of it.
In middle-age, she ended a miserable marriage, emerging with a satisfying career, three good sons, and a determination to avoid marriage in the future. Then she met a gentle, kind man who made her feel young and sexy. He was also in a “caring” profession and she admired his dedication. Their shared tastes astonished her. What could she do but marry him?
She relocated and made long commutes in order to be with him in the beautiful New Hampshire home they bought together. She knew he didn’t enjoy groups of people, which made it difficult for her to spend time with her sons and grandchildren. She made what she thought were mutually-acceptable accommodations.
After fourteen years, her husband disappeared. Then he WROTE her that he wanted to end the marriage to meet a younger woman and have a child or children. He’d met a woman when he was teaching briefly in Vietnam and wanted to “see how it worked out.” He wrote because he couldn't bear to tell her in person.
I suspect younger people will sympathize with the author's emotional reactions, but be puzzled by her concern with finances. The reality is that older people MUST be concerned with financial survival and that colors our emotional responses. This couple was in their early sixties, a time when retirement and old age looms large. Although both were earners, their finances (including the all-important health insurance) were intertwined. Her husband ignored this, ready to toss everything out the window for romance and the joys(?) of siring children.
Everyone had an opinion about what could be wrong with him. Most recognized the selfishness and cruelty which she was unwilling to acknowledge. She KNEW this man and he was kind and unselfish and that was that. She wavered between “fighting” for her marriage (how?) and letting him go. His story kept changing and (bluntly) he played her like a violin.
I think the end was inevitable and she went on with her life in a sensible way. I was (to my great surprise) LOVING this book until she went into psychotherapist mode and tried to relieve everyone involved of all guilt. I simply can’t buy into that theory.
There is right and wrong, in personal relationships as in everything else. Everyone deserves to be dealt with honestly. No one can be excused for lying or for cruelly raising hopes and then destroying them. At some point, bad behavior needs to be condemned. Yes, we’re all guilty of it at some time, but it’s never OK or excusable.
I’m giving it four stars because I admire her courage and because she’s a fine storyteller. I’m glad she’s found emotional peace and I wish the best for her. I’m knocking off a star because letting people off the hook by saying they’re doing the best they can just isn’t good enough. Isn’t there an inherent contradiction in saying that no one is ever guilty of anything, but condemning those of us who don’t buy into that as “judgemental”?
Who wants to live in a world in which any kind of cruelty is excused? If she had treated him as badly as he treated her, would she absolve herself of all guilt? I doubt it.
Mark Twain said, “Man is the only animal that blushes, or needs to.” Sam, honey, you said a mouthful. Still, it’s a great story and I’m glad I read it.
May 14, 2025
t is difficult to turn down a book with a title like, If You Must Go, I Wish You Triplets. Such a pithy title would lead on to believe that the author is bitter, angry, and just looking to burn her unfaithful, cheating man. Instead we find Virginia DeLuca, who may be feeling all of those things when her husband of 14 years tells her he wants a divorce so that he can be with a younger woman who can give him babies. Mostly what we find is a woman, who, in what appears to be a successful, comfortable, later-in-life, second marriage finds herself mostly bewildered, lost, and unsettled by a life transition that has been thrust upon her.
If You Must Go, I Wish You Triplets is a heart-wrenching look at the life of a woman who felt as though, with this marriage, she had gotten it right. Virginia, a veteran psychotherapist, seemed to have it all - a committed and loving relationship with husband that she loved, a promising career, grown children and grandchildren that she very much enjoyed, and friends that she could count on. In terms of an idyllic life, Gin thought she was living it. Until the day her near-retirement age husband, Perry, didn't come home. Until he told her that he was unsatisfied with their life together, that he wanted someone else, someone younger, someone who could give him babies.
What follows is a powerful memoir told by a woman who, by profession, one would feel should have all of the answers. Instead you read through the pages and realize that there is no amount of training that can prepare you for betray, hurt, loneliness, anger, and all the other emotions that go with a loss like Gin deals with. Gin not only navigates rebuilding the life that she has lost, but she must to it while navigating health issues, and an ex-husband who needs her more now than he seemed to when they were married.
If you Must Go is a good book for anyone who finds themself adrift after the end of a relationship, navigating life transitions, or exploring what it means to look at your life through new eyes. The book is slowly paced. Whether or not this is intentional, to depict the author's state of mind, I couldn't tell. Told from present to past to present again, the readers gets to follow Gin's introspective journey, showing us taht we are never too old to grow or reinvent ourselves.
If You Must Go, I Wish You Triplets is a heart-wrenching look at the life of a woman who felt as though, with this marriage, she had gotten it right. Virginia, a veteran psychotherapist, seemed to have it all - a committed and loving relationship with husband that she loved, a promising career, grown children and grandchildren that she very much enjoyed, and friends that she could count on. In terms of an idyllic life, Gin thought she was living it. Until the day her near-retirement age husband, Perry, didn't come home. Until he told her that he was unsatisfied with their life together, that he wanted someone else, someone younger, someone who could give him babies.
What follows is a powerful memoir told by a woman who, by profession, one would feel should have all of the answers. Instead you read through the pages and realize that there is no amount of training that can prepare you for betray, hurt, loneliness, anger, and all the other emotions that go with a loss like Gin deals with. Gin not only navigates rebuilding the life that she has lost, but she must to it while navigating health issues, and an ex-husband who needs her more now than he seemed to when they were married.
If you Must Go is a good book for anyone who finds themself adrift after the end of a relationship, navigating life transitions, or exploring what it means to look at your life through new eyes. The book is slowly paced. Whether or not this is intentional, to depict the author's state of mind, I couldn't tell. Told from present to past to present again, the readers gets to follow Gin's introspective journey, showing us taht we are never too old to grow or reinvent ourselves.
July 6, 2025
Very Insightful and Strong
When I first saw the title of this memoir, I first laughed out loud and then, for some reason had the thought "This book must be honest a comedy or a lighthearted read." Think again! Although not heavy in a burdensome way to the reader, this book, written by a therapist named Virginia DeLuca encompasses a variety of feelings. I "devoured" it and savored it at the same time. It is weak and strong, learning to make waves and find peace, tears and laughter, embracing the familiar and facing the unknown. It is risk and safety, learns and knowing, acceptance and denial. It is life!
This book is about a therapist in New England named Virginia DeLuca. She is well established in a comforting and productive life with her second husband, Perry. Perry initially seems rather similar to his wife in personality --but human beings are complicated and what you see can be rather like a huge iceberg with only part of it visible above the water line. Perry is not as stable. He gets very anxious around crowds, he procrastinates whereas Ginny tackles things and gets them done. He is somewhat neurotic but it seems endearing initially. They were married 14 years. It turns out there can be a larger part of that proverbial iceberg hidden underwater then that which is clearly visible on the surface.
I won't spoil the story but I will say Virginia is insightful, down to earth and writes like she has been writing books since her early years! It is also very well edited and I love the cover and how it is meaningful and relevant to not only the area that they live and worked for years but also the ebb and flow of love and life!
When I first saw the title of this memoir, I first laughed out loud and then, for some reason had the thought "This book must be honest a comedy or a lighthearted read." Think again! Although not heavy in a burdensome way to the reader, this book, written by a therapist named Virginia DeLuca encompasses a variety of feelings. I "devoured" it and savored it at the same time. It is weak and strong, learning to make waves and find peace, tears and laughter, embracing the familiar and facing the unknown. It is risk and safety, learns and knowing, acceptance and denial. It is life!
This book is about a therapist in New England named Virginia DeLuca. She is well established in a comforting and productive life with her second husband, Perry. Perry initially seems rather similar to his wife in personality --but human beings are complicated and what you see can be rather like a huge iceberg with only part of it visible above the water line. Perry is not as stable. He gets very anxious around crowds, he procrastinates whereas Ginny tackles things and gets them done. He is somewhat neurotic but it seems endearing initially. They were married 14 years. It turns out there can be a larger part of that proverbial iceberg hidden underwater then that which is clearly visible on the surface.
I won't spoil the story but I will say Virginia is insightful, down to earth and writes like she has been writing books since her early years! It is also very well edited and I love the cover and how it is meaningful and relevant to not only the area that they live and worked for years but also the ebb and flow of love and life!
February 13, 2025
This memoir wasn’t really to my taste. The premise had potential—navigating unexpected loss and rebuilding life—but the execution didn’t fully work for me. Virginia DeLuca’s writing is engaging, and her reflections on love, loss, and personal resilience are undeniably heartfelt. However, the storytelling felt somewhat disjointed. The frequent jumps between past and present disrupted the flow, making it harder to connect with the emotional core of her journey.
While I could sympathize with her situation—being blindsided by a sudden divorce—I found myself more frustrated than invested. Her husband’s reasoning for leaving was baffling, and the way she continued to carry his emotional baggage made it difficult for me to stay engaged. I kept hoping for a deeper exploration of her own transformation rather than so much focus on the man who left her behind. At times, it felt like the book was circling the same emotions without truly moving forward.
That being said, there were moments of genuine insight, particularly when she leaned into themes of friendship and self-discovery. The writing itself is smooth and evocative, which might appeal to readers who enjoy introspective memoirs. If you’re someone who connects deeply with stories of personal upheaval and slow healing, this might still be worth picking up. Unfortunately, for me, it was just okay—not bad, but not particularly compelling either. Therefore it gets 2 ⭐ from me.
Thank you NetGalley for the ARC copy!
While I could sympathize with her situation—being blindsided by a sudden divorce—I found myself more frustrated than invested. Her husband’s reasoning for leaving was baffling, and the way she continued to carry his emotional baggage made it difficult for me to stay engaged. I kept hoping for a deeper exploration of her own transformation rather than so much focus on the man who left her behind. At times, it felt like the book was circling the same emotions without truly moving forward.
That being said, there were moments of genuine insight, particularly when she leaned into themes of friendship and self-discovery. The writing itself is smooth and evocative, which might appeal to readers who enjoy introspective memoirs. If you’re someone who connects deeply with stories of personal upheaval and slow healing, this might still be worth picking up. Unfortunately, for me, it was just okay—not bad, but not particularly compelling either. Therefore it gets 2 ⭐ from me.
Thank you NetGalley for the ARC copy!
March 21, 2025
Virginia DeLuca’s If You Must Go, I Wish You Triplets is a striking memoir that lingers in the mind long after the last page is turned. Written with a blend of vulnerability and humour, it chronicles an unexpected and deeply personal journey through heartbreak, change, and self-discovery. What makes this work shine is its raw honesty—it delves into universal truths about love and loss, but particularly those uncomfortable realities most of us avoid confronting.
This may be a non-fiction book but the author's masterful storytelling is what captivates the reader, I was longing to find out more.. Her writing is crisp, engaging, and often introspective without veering into self-pity. Instead, she approaches even the most painful moments with a sense of clarity and reflection that invites readers to join her in examining the complexities of human relationships. What makes the memoir even more profound is its refusal to shy away from difficult emotions and truths, offering readers a sense of catharsis and solidarity.
The book’s tone oscillates between poignant and unexpectedly funny, adding depth and texture to her narrative. DeLuca, a psychotherapist by profession, brings her insights into human behaviour to the page which adds another layer to her exploration of resilience and reinvention. It’s not just a memoir of personal loss but also a broader commentary on how we adapt, grow, and find meaning in life’s most challenging moments.
This may be a non-fiction book but the author's masterful storytelling is what captivates the reader, I was longing to find out more.. Her writing is crisp, engaging, and often introspective without veering into self-pity. Instead, she approaches even the most painful moments with a sense of clarity and reflection that invites readers to join her in examining the complexities of human relationships. What makes the memoir even more profound is its refusal to shy away from difficult emotions and truths, offering readers a sense of catharsis and solidarity.
The book’s tone oscillates between poignant and unexpectedly funny, adding depth and texture to her narrative. DeLuca, a psychotherapist by profession, brings her insights into human behaviour to the page which adds another layer to her exploration of resilience and reinvention. It’s not just a memoir of personal loss but also a broader commentary on how we adapt, grow, and find meaning in life’s most challenging moments.
September 26, 2025
The title of Virginia Deluca’s memoir, IF YOU MUST GO, I WISH YOU TRIPLETS hints at the reluctance and loss at the center of this book and previews the author’s humorous perspective on life. Finding new love in her forties begins a new chapter of reawakening and builds her confidence in aging. When this love suddenly leaves her from one day to the next with no obvious reason and lacks the courage to voice the feelings he has been harboring for years, her world understandably collapses. As a psychotherapist she is well trained in analyzing reactions, being empathetic and finding the pillars of support in one’s life. But it’s not so easy to do that when the client is yourself. Leaning on the expansive and supportive community she has built in Maine, New Hampshire and Massachusetts, together with her loving sons and their families, she pieces her life back together again, finding a new chapter of awakening with gratitude for all she has. Her honest writing pulls us into boiling anger and confusion when she still feels empathy for her soon-to-be ex-husband, showing us that even a psychotherapist’s feelings are often unexplainable. Such a vulnerable tale of the complicated process of letting go of love gives us a window of observation into how love can shock us for better and for worse.
June 23, 2025
If you must go, I wish you triplets: A Memoir by Virginia DeLuca.
One day seemingly out of the blue, Virginia's 60-year old husband walked out of their seemingly happy marriage, proclaiming he suddenly wanted babies. Everyone who heard what happened thought something was up, maybe he had already knocked someone up, or had a nervous breakdown or a brain tumor.
Virginia is a psychotherapist who spent decades helping clients cope with sudden losses and dramatic changes but now it happened to her.
I think Virginia's training as a psychotherapist and all her years of experience in that field helped her dissect what was going on in a more objective way. He did several hurtful and cruel things that she seemed to have patience with.
Throughout the book you can tell time and time again just how strong Virginia is. That doesn't mean that what she went through isn't raw and heartbreaking but you have faith in her ability to overcome it and move on and eventually be happy again.
Virginia, thank you for sharing your story and helping so many other people along the way. Thank you for partnering with NetGalley. I received an advanced reader copy of this book in exchange for my honest opinion and review.
One day seemingly out of the blue, Virginia's 60-year old husband walked out of their seemingly happy marriage, proclaiming he suddenly wanted babies. Everyone who heard what happened thought something was up, maybe he had already knocked someone up, or had a nervous breakdown or a brain tumor.
Virginia is a psychotherapist who spent decades helping clients cope with sudden losses and dramatic changes but now it happened to her.
I think Virginia's training as a psychotherapist and all her years of experience in that field helped her dissect what was going on in a more objective way. He did several hurtful and cruel things that she seemed to have patience with.
Throughout the book you can tell time and time again just how strong Virginia is. That doesn't mean that what she went through isn't raw and heartbreaking but you have faith in her ability to overcome it and move on and eventually be happy again.
Virginia, thank you for sharing your story and helping so many other people along the way. Thank you for partnering with NetGalley. I received an advanced reader copy of this book in exchange for my honest opinion and review.
March 20, 2025
I have very mixed feelings about this memoir. It's the story of a second marriage a late-in-life marriage at that. The marriage lasted 14 years and then suddenly the husband decides he wants children.
The book goes back and forth between the present day and Gin's family history, including the fact that her father had an affair and left her mother. Her brother meanwhile has a wife and children and happens to have AIDS a "new" disease with all the fear that came with that diagnosis. I had a hard time with these parts of the book because they just were not interesting to me. Perry and Gin sure that was intriguing, but the extraneous stuff was just stuff. I do understand that some of it was important though to show where Gin's insecurities came from and how her mind rationalized everything.
As someone who was divorced and remarried I could relate to the aspect of divorce. What I couldnt' deal with was her continuing to carry the emotional baggage from her ex. I also couldn't understand her husband's reasoning for leaving and it was hard for me to stay engaged with the characters.
All in all it was an okay book. Perhaps just not my style and others may like it more.
The book goes back and forth between the present day and Gin's family history, including the fact that her father had an affair and left her mother. Her brother meanwhile has a wife and children and happens to have AIDS a "new" disease with all the fear that came with that diagnosis. I had a hard time with these parts of the book because they just were not interesting to me. Perry and Gin sure that was intriguing, but the extraneous stuff was just stuff. I do understand that some of it was important though to show where Gin's insecurities came from and how her mind rationalized everything.
As someone who was divorced and remarried I could relate to the aspect of divorce. What I couldnt' deal with was her continuing to carry the emotional baggage from her ex. I also couldn't understand her husband's reasoning for leaving and it was hard for me to stay engaged with the characters.
All in all it was an okay book. Perhaps just not my style and others may like it more.
April 18, 2025
Many thanks to NetGalley and Apprentice House Press of Loyola University Maryland for gifting me a digital ARC of this memoir by Virginia DeLuca. All opinions expressed in this review are my own - 4.5 stars!
Gin's second later-life marriage to Perry, seemed like a match made in heaven. They both appreciated their lives and made compromises to make things work. Until after 14 years of marriage and they were both in their 60s, he told her that he no longer wanted to be married to her. He wanted someone younger and wanted babies.
How can you resist this title? This was a well-written, engrossing memoir, made more so by the fact that Gin is a therapist. She deals with loss, betrayal, new beginnings in her work life so she gets all this in theory, but dealing with it in practice is a whole different thing. Like all of us would be, she's desperate for the why and begins questioning herself and their entire relationship. This book also explores the past, giving us insight to her family background. She's nurtured a wonderful family with doting kids and grandkids. It's an intriguing read - humorous, personal, and will have you cheering for next chapters.
Gin's second later-life marriage to Perry, seemed like a match made in heaven. They both appreciated their lives and made compromises to make things work. Until after 14 years of marriage and they were both in their 60s, he told her that he no longer wanted to be married to her. He wanted someone younger and wanted babies.
How can you resist this title? This was a well-written, engrossing memoir, made more so by the fact that Gin is a therapist. She deals with loss, betrayal, new beginnings in her work life so she gets all this in theory, but dealing with it in practice is a whole different thing. Like all of us would be, she's desperate for the why and begins questioning herself and their entire relationship. This book also explores the past, giving us insight to her family background. She's nurtured a wonderful family with doting kids and grandkids. It's an intriguing read - humorous, personal, and will have you cheering for next chapters.
April 21, 2025
I can only hope to be half as effortlessly cool as Virginia DeLuca when I grow up. This book was an emotional rollercoaster, and I rode every loop: anger, confusion, shock, frustration—and yes, laughter.
Even though I'm still in my twenties and have never been married, it’s both oddly comforting and deeply maddening to realize that the chaotic mess of a man saying he doesn’t want you, only to later claim he made a mistake, is a universal experience. Apparently, that brand of emotional whiplash doesn’t discriminate by age.
So much of Virginia’s story reminded me of my own mother—and, by extension, my grandmother. It made me think about the advice we absorb (and ignore) from the women who came before us, and the hard-earned wisdom we collect along the way.
I will say, the frequent shifts between past and present were a bit jarring. Just when I’d get fully immersed in one chapter of her life, we’d veer off into another. But even with that, what shines through is a life that's been fully lived and deeply loved. And really, isn’t that what we’re all aiming for?
Even though I'm still in my twenties and have never been married, it’s both oddly comforting and deeply maddening to realize that the chaotic mess of a man saying he doesn’t want you, only to later claim he made a mistake, is a universal experience. Apparently, that brand of emotional whiplash doesn’t discriminate by age.
So much of Virginia’s story reminded me of my own mother—and, by extension, my grandmother. It made me think about the advice we absorb (and ignore) from the women who came before us, and the hard-earned wisdom we collect along the way.
I will say, the frequent shifts between past and present were a bit jarring. Just when I’d get fully immersed in one chapter of her life, we’d veer off into another. But even with that, what shines through is a life that's been fully lived and deeply loved. And really, isn’t that what we’re all aiming for?
May 28, 2025
The title of this book immediately caught my attention. I think it’s hilarious. I could already imagine a story filled with passive-aggressive conversations. I was really curious to find out what happened to the couple, especially since it’s not every day you meet someone who wants to become a father after turning 60.
At first, it feels like we're reading a juicy piece of family gossip. But what starts out as funny gradually becomes sad, complicated, and hard to come to terms with. The author handles the situation with remarkable grace, even showing more empathy toward her ex-husband than he probably deserves.
I truly admire her reactions, because I don’t think I would’ve had the same patience. I would’ve cut off contact long ago. At the same time, I find it admirable how she managed to see his humanity. She doesn’t portray him as flawless or blameless, but rather reflects on how everyone has a darker side, and how it's up to us to decide what we’re willing to accept in our relationships.
Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC!
At first, it feels like we're reading a juicy piece of family gossip. But what starts out as funny gradually becomes sad, complicated, and hard to come to terms with. The author handles the situation with remarkable grace, even showing more empathy toward her ex-husband than he probably deserves.
I truly admire her reactions, because I don’t think I would’ve had the same patience. I would’ve cut off contact long ago. At the same time, I find it admirable how she managed to see his humanity. She doesn’t portray him as flawless or blameless, but rather reflects on how everyone has a darker side, and how it's up to us to decide what we’re willing to accept in our relationships.
Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC!
January 13, 2025
I just finished an early read of the new memoir: If You Must Go I Wish You Triplets by Virginia Deluca, a tale of a different type of survival. Deluca’s second husband—with whom she has an idyllic relationship—suddenly announces he is leaving her in the most frustrating and slippery way possible. The book takes you on the author’s journey of 1) trying to find out what the hell is going on, 2) how she is supposed to move forward, and 3) whether she should take him back or sell their beloved house. The writing is spectacular, the situation relatable, and mostly I was struck by how rich her life was (and is) with deep, abiding friendships. It made me realize I need to work harder at connecting with people in real life in my new area. Highly recommend!
April 12, 2025
If You Must Go, I Wish You Triplets is an absolute gem that I couldn’t put down! Virginia DeLuca’s memoir is a heartfelt, hilarious, and profoundly moving journey through love, betrayal, and self-discovery. Her wit sparkles on every page, turning raw emotion into a story that feels like a warm conversation with your wisest, funniest friend. As a psychotherapist navigating unthinkable loss in her sixties, DeLuca’s resilience and insight are nothing short of inspiring. This book will make you laugh, cry, and cheer for the power of radical self-love. Do yourself a favor—grab a copy, dive in, and prepare to fall in love with this unforgettable story! You’ll want to share it with everyone you know.
August 15, 2025
I'm giving this 1 star only because I couldn't've cared less about this couple. At sixty, the husband leaves his 61-year-old wife because he wants to have babies. This screams midlife crisis (but I guess it would qualify as late-life crisis since he's 60). Even after he moves out and tells his wife he wants to end their marriage to try to find someone younger to have his babies, he is an indecisive, whiny little bitch - it goes without saying that I was annoyed with this person and saw no redeeming qualities in him. However, I was frustrated and annoyed that his ex-wife took such a long time to close her heart and be done with him. Good riddance to him! I wanted to shake some sense into this otherwise intelligent, wonderful, loving, funny woman - get a grip and move on with your life!
May 6, 2025
Others have described this book as a heartwarming memoir and a page-turner steeped in emotion. Yes, it is those things and so much more. What it is not: It is not superficial and does not proffer platitudes for the heartbroken. Yet, despite the unwelcome sorrows in the author’s fully engaged life, reading this book is a gift for your spirit and your confidence that you can survive and thrive beyond heartbreak and loss. So many pieces of wisdom emerge from this story, relevant to the reader’s life, whether or not one has suffered divorce, the loss of a sibling, or a life-threatening disease. If You Must Go, I Wish You Triplets is a highly recommended read.
June 8, 2025
This memoir was truly great. This is an example of how sometimes no matter how much you think you know a person, you really don’t. I love how the author was very raw and genuine with her emotions and explained how she was feeling throughout this journey that ended up leading to finding happiness within herself and the people around her. I think it was great that she went back to her childhood and was able to connect the dots to resonate it to her life now. I admire how understanding the author was with Perry. I personally do not believe I would have handled it like her. The author has an amazing support systems and genuine people that care for her. Amazing read and truly eye opening!
April 29, 2025
Virginia DeLuca’s book about the unraveling of her marriage is angry, humorous, and tender. In other words, it is a very human story about people loving and losing each other. The book is an engaging read, and I couldn’t put it down until late at night – when I finally finished it. Readers who are in troubled marriages or going through a divorce will likely see themselves in DeLuca’s story. But anyone who has had the mind-blowing experience of discovering that their partner, friend, or family member isn’t who they imagined them to be will love this book.
April 26, 2025
A deep dive into life’s ups and downs
Excellent writer. I appreciated her ability to live through soul sucking times while analyzing the bits and pieces. Her internal dialogue is honest. To be able to as clearly as possible look deep into oneself when your world is falling apart is a gift.and to stay afloat through any means possible. This was an easy page turner for me because I cared about Gin and I was rooting for her!
Excellent writer. I appreciated her ability to live through soul sucking times while analyzing the bits and pieces. Her internal dialogue is honest. To be able to as clearly as possible look deep into oneself when your world is falling apart is a gift.and to stay afloat through any means possible. This was an easy page turner for me because I cared about Gin and I was rooting for her!
May 2, 2025
Hoo boy did I relate. A long-term marriage suddenly ends when your spouse dumps you, revealing hidden desires. And then you agonize: What was real in all these years of marriage? You want to get the full story, but the spouse withholds and also wants to keep you on a string.
DeLuca fiercely explores this territory and shows the importance of the love of family and friends during personal crisis. Those beloveds in our lives, and books such as this, remind us we aren't alone.
DeLuca fiercely explores this territory and shows the importance of the love of family and friends during personal crisis. Those beloveds in our lives, and books such as this, remind us we aren't alone.
June 7, 2025
I'm not sure what makes us love a book. I do gravitate toward books where someone's life is upended. And although the "upending" is a part of this book, it was the author's response and processing of it that made me love this one. This book is honest. We don't always make a clean break, during a breakup. And we sometimes resort to numbing tactics. But we find our way out or through. There are profound passages about aging and seeking support from adult children.
August 4, 2025
Recently grabbed this at a little bookshop named River Run while on vacation in Portsmouth without realizing it was a local author. I'm glad I did. It was a very engaging story, well told. Held my interest from the start. I finished it in less than 24 hours. Bonus for anyone who has spent time in New Hampshire (Portsmouth area), Maine (Ogunquit area), and Massachusetts (Boston) -- you'll enjoy the references to places you recognize.
April 12, 2025
In this utterly gripping story Virginia fights her way through a world-bending betrayal to rebuild a life still full of love. It's a wildly entertaining and brilliantly written deep dive into an inspiring feat of deep wisdom and resilience. It will seize your attention, and leave you feeling better about life.
May 13, 2025
Interesting story - loved the title
I bought this book because I was attracted by the title. I enjoyed the story, and the writing itself which was excellent. The author and I are the same age so I could really relate to her. Any book that compels me to keep reading to find out what happens next (very rare these days) gets 5 stars from me!
I bought this book because I was attracted by the title. I enjoyed the story, and the writing itself which was excellent. The author and I are the same age so I could really relate to her. Any book that compels me to keep reading to find out what happens next (very rare these days) gets 5 stars from me!
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