Big Kids, Bigger Feelings: Navigating Defiance, Meltdowns, and Anxiety to Raise Confident, Connected Kids

by Alyssa Blask Campbell, Rachel Stuart Lounder

From the coauthor of Tiny Humans, Big Emotions, a guide to supporting children’s social and emotional growth through the elementary school years (ages 5–12), a critical but often-overlooked developmental stage.

TOO OLD FOR TANTRUMS

TOO YOUNG FOR TEENAGE DRAMA

Meltdowns. Name-calling. Hitting, kicking, and hair pulling. Except, these aren’t the toddler years. Why is your elementary schooler still having these outbursts?

Long thought of as years when parents can finally enjoy calmer kids and deal with less emotional volatility and tears, the elementary school years are anything but. During these pivotal years, our children navigate a new set of social and emotional challenges. From playground bullying to cliques and exclusion, ever-increasing academic challenges—and plenty of physical growth and hormonal changes thrown in the mix—the elementary school years are more complicated than most parents realize.

Big Kids, Bigger Feelings is the guide you need to help your child thrive during these developmentally complex and wonderful years. The social and emotional skills you provide your children with now will prepare them for a lifetime of self-advocacy and stronger emotional intelligence. Campbell’s revolutionary Collaborative Emotion Processing (CEP) method, used in preschool and elementary school environments, teaches you how to work with your children to help them understand how they are feeling and process their big emotions in healthy, constructive ways. Discover how

Teach kids to handle unkind behaviors and set boundariesHelp kids learn to regulate themselves when they feel angry, sad, and upsetManage technology use in a safe and healthy wayNavigate puberty, body changes, sex, drugs, and other important topicsDevelop a deeper connection with your childThe elementary school years are rife with change—from changing bodies to changing social structures—and there’s never a better time to help your kids handle these ever-increasing challenges so they can thrive today and tomorrow.  

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Audiobook, Self Help, Family, Adult, Counselling

288 pages, Hardcover

Published September 16, 2025

Reviews

[Hanna Adams · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is by far the best “parenting” book I’ve read! Practical, empathetic to how hard parenting can be and supportive in ways to grow in the future. If you are a parent of a 5-12 year old or a teacher- I highly recommend!

“Connection has to come before correction.”

“If we want kids to handle their big feelings well, we have to show them what that looks like.”

Just so many wonderful quotes and lessons!

[Kaitlin Roberts · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this book very helpful in realistically and respectfully handling the newfound (to me) challenges of middle childhood. The audiobook was pleasant to listen to, and I found myself pausing often to take notes. I appreciated the realistic and kind examples and scripts the author offered throughout the book. Some examples and stories were so specific to our own situations that it made me feel less alone in my challenges. I feel more informed and empowered now to approach my child’s feelings.

[Carrie Stewart · Rating 3 out of 5]

References Anxious Generation a little too often for me and becomes repetitive at times, but overall decent parenting book for this age. Could use some more real world examples and some of the responses to situations feel robotic, but a good reminder to regulate yourself before attempting to help your kids do the same.

[Brittny Lange · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is exactly what I was looking for. My son has been going through a hard time and this book had great application to its concepts that help me feel empowered to help him. I also feel like it properly taught how to help kids and myself with emotional regulation. Would highly recommend for parents who want to know how to help their kids big feelings, understand them, and help their child understand what to do when they have big feelings.

Bonus: it also touches on some of the big topics you might see as they get older such as bullying, stress, school, sex, racism, body image, and others.

[Jenny Sapolsky · Rating 5 out of 5]

So helpful!!

[Julia Brady · Rating 4 out of 5]

it was good! a lot of it i already knew (thank you psychology) but some new things that I will try!

[Brittany · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was PHENOMENAL! I've learned many of these concepts and techniques before, but having them all compiled together and applying them specifically to the middle childhood age (which ALL three of my children are now in) is so helpful. I told my husband I need to buy this because it will be our parenting Bible now, haha. It also was easy to read with lots of personal experiences or real-life examples. It felt very relatable.

[Marlana Pagano · Rating 5 out of 5]

I cannot emphasize enough how important this book is for any parent of an elementary aged child. I read their first book Ting Humans, Big Emotions and knew I had to read this one as well. It did not disappoint.

This book offers so many little gems of advice and insight for parents. What I like most about this book is that all of the advice was very practical for real life application. Many parents are already struggling to manage issues and cannot take on more rigorous multi-step routines, like many other parenting books suggest. Campbell, offers sound advice based on research surrounding topics like screen-time, discipline, managing behaviors and supporting neurodivergent children. As a therapist who focuses on parenting I particularly appreciated when Campbell likened developing emotional intelligence in children to developing literacy.

I will definitely be adding this to my social-emotional lending library for parents and will be referencing and recommending to many families who are struggling with their elementary aged child and/or families who are proactively preparing for the parenting changes that will happen as their children grow into elementary aged children.

[Julia · Rating 4 out of 5]

this is a well-written, well-thought-out book on how to help our children with their emotions, particularly in elementary school. now that I'm 2/3 of the way through parenting, I see that I have not done a very good job teaching and staying with emotions. the simple facts method seems simple enough that I am willing to try it. I'm also saving up to pay for therapy bills 😁

[Angela Zapien · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a parent raising and homeschooling four sons (oldest being 13 and youngest being 5)….I find myself in a season where I am being challenged as a mother. This book gave me great tools and wisdom to continue to build connection with the my children. All children are wired and built different. I found tools that I have already learned yet some that I took notes and have been applying.

This book is for everyone who is raising, mentoring or influencing children. Children need healthy parents and leaders to SEE them for who they are and are willing to walk along side them in their challenges.

Together, we’re shaping not only their future but also a kinder, more empathetic world - Alyssa Black Campbell

[Anna · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book had great tips for being more mindful and empathetic, and taking time to think before reacting. That being said, many of the takes here are why people make fun of “gentle parenting.” Apparently, kids should never be punished, we only need to talk about why they did what they did. While, of course, it’s important to understand the why behind bad behaviors, this book would have been more useful if there were also ideas for consequences combined with teaching coping mechanisms.

[Kelly Morris · Rating 5 out of 5]

Practical tips, lots of examples, encouragement, and a good breakdown of how to look at your kid’s (and your own) self
regulation. I liked the quiz on nervous system engagement - it was not revolutionary but it was really helpful to see broken down into a score for me and for whoever I took it for. The tone is kind and encouraging, gracious and helpful. I’ve got a long way to go as a parent, but books like this are a helpful tool in the process.

[Jen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish I had read this when my son was entering elementary school rather than leaving it, but truly this information can be applied to any human. I highly recommend this book to all parents!!!

[Kennedy Hansen · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thought this had some really helpful ideas. I will use a lot of it!

[Kelli Hill · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very practical, emphatic and inquisitive parenting. Connection first. Good scripts to use for communication.

[Katie Hornberger · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5
Not typically a parenting book girl, but I borrowed this from the library because sometimes being a mom to a 9 year old feels hard. This book normalized lots of the stuff going on at our house and gave some concrete tips for difficult situations. My son is starting to really care about his friends and figure out who he is in that group, and the book normalized that shift from kids focusing on their family to finding their identity in friend groups.
That said, at times it leaned a little too hard into the idea that every behavior is communicating an unmet need. I get the intention, and sometimes that’s true, but sometimes kids are just pushing boundaries or need to follow directions. Not everything needs to be decoded.
Overall, I found it somewhat helpful, mostly as a reminder that a lot of kids melt down after school or when they're hungry, tired, need activity, down time, etc.

[Sarah Bassett · Rating 5 out of 5]

Highly recommend for anyone who works with kids 5-12!

[Courtney Castleberry · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was really looking forward to this, but honestly was disappointed by a lot of it. There were so many references to The Anxious Generation in this book, and I found that very off putting. There are some helpful strategies and tips for parents for managing different types of struggles, but a lot of it seems written for a parent that's never learned anything about parenting or empathy. I was hoping for some deeper things out of this one. I think it's still a valuable resource, especially for parents who are maybe lost on where to start if they've just been unable to connect with their kids.

[Angie Botner · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was everything I didn't realize I needed.

I am a yeller when I get frustrated. When I can't express what I'm trying to express to my 6 year old daughter it's not uncommon or me to raise my voice and express clear frustration. This book really helped me to open my eyes and look at the root cause of my OWN outbursts.

Last night I had a moment with my daughter, trying to put up rope lights around her bed and I was trying to get her to truck the power cord on the side of her shelf by the wall. But she wasn't understanding. I finally got frustrated and raised my voice and the look on her poor face was of sheer terror. I took a deep breath and re-worded my request (as I couldn't show her because it's on the top bunk and I'm too short) and she got it. I praised her patience and ability to get it done and after we finished with the lights we had a heart to heart conversation where I apologized for losing my temper and then I asked her how I could have worded my request better so she could understand and she hugged me and said "Mom we all make mistakes, honestly if you would have just said to touch the wall with the cord like you did at the end and I would have understood"

It's moments like this that make reading Alyssa Blask books comes in the most helpful in my life. I can't wait to see what other works she puts out <3

[Jennifer · Rating 2 out of 5]

I think my biggest issue with this book is that there just were not good takeaways for me, none of it felt like new or practical information. For that it is automatically 3 stars.

Why it is only 2 stars: Call me old school, but if my kid hits their sibling or calls a kid at school fat, i am not going to start the conversation with "you aren't in trouble."

I am pro gentle parenting and i have two generally good kids who we have gentle parented, but there is a line where I think kids need to know that they are actually in trouble. The authors also made the argument that being mean does not equal bullying, which i agree with to a point, but there just wasnt the firm, authoritative voice saying "these actions are not acceptable." Instead parents are expected to only focus on the underlying "need" of the child so you dont "upset your child's nervous system if they think they are in trouble". I agree that a lot of "bad" behaviors have underlying needs/reasons, but parents also need firm boundaries, and causing physical injury to someone/namecalling needs to be a firm boundary for all parents.

I was also annoyed about the sleepover section. I think the authors used a quote from The Anxious Generation completely out of context.

If you want to read an actually good parenting book, the Whole Brained Child is top tier.

[Kirsti · Rating 5 out of 5]

I had no idea that Maria Montessori referred to the K-5 years as "the age of rudeness." I think of toddlers and teenagers as being stereotypically rude, but now that I've read this book, I see the point Alyssa Blask Campbell is making.

This book is mostly about self-regulation, an essential skill for all of us. I think Campbell's "In the Moment Toolbox" has tips that work for adults too: Have a snack or a meal. Take a (non-alcoholic) drink. Rest or sleep. Build or refine routines for security and stability. Ask for help. Tap into coping strategies as needed: making art, breathing, exercise/movement, reading a book, journaling, playing music, hugging, looking at the sky, talking to a support person.

The part of the book that made me laugh was, "If I'm feeling bitchy, we're watching Blippi." The author used this technique with her own child. Her point is that she used a small amount of screen time (15 or 20 minutes) of her son's favorite show to calm herself and refocus so she could spend the rest of the day being a loving, caring, participating parent to him.

The author points out that not all screens are created equal. Some are passive entertainment, some are interactive games or puzzles, and others are ways to connect with friends or family members.

[Jessica · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars. I have never owned a single parenting book in my life but I’m strongly considering adding Big Kids, Bigger Feelings to my bookshelf. As a mom to a 9 year old AuADHD and an extremely strong willed and mischievous 4 year old, this book was so incredibly helpful in navigating the many obstacles parents/guardians face when facing difficult spots in raising children. I spent the majority of this book wishing I could place the brightest, most visible sticky note in the sections I found most helpful (hello, needing to remind myself to regulate my emotions before I dysregulated everyone around me) so I would know exactly where to go when I need help. This book read a bit more textbook-like for me, which was why I took the .5 stars off, but overall I found this surprisingly helpful. It’s not easy to find a book that is helpful to both neurodivergent and neurotypical children but I felt like Big Kids, Bigger Feelings covered everything I needed.

Thank you to NetGalley and William Morrow for the opportunity to read and review this book.

[Jessica · Rating 4 out of 5]

I happened upon this book by the recommendation of another author, Ash Brandin (Power On).

I have not read the previous book addressed at the younger children. It just wasn't out when my kids were that age. But this - this applies to the ages that I currently have. Because of that, I can't say how much this differs or repeats those same concepts in the previous book.

This book is a solid parenting book in the year 2025. Dysregulation? That was on the fringes when my oldest was at the lower end of the age range. Parenting in the US has come a long way in not so much of time.

There are QR codes in several chapters, which was a pleasant surprise. You can take the quizzes for yourself, have your children take them, partner or other caregivers to give you an idea on what is going on in your world.

It does refer to the Hot Topic Book Anxious Generation (which I will note that I strongly disliked) and used it as a comparison tools (ex sleepovers).

I do believe this book will equip more people with a stronger and more in-depth toolbox to implement in their daily lives.

[Jen · Rating 3 out of 5]

3 Stars – Helpful but Missing Depth

Big Kids, Bigger Feelings by Alyssa Blake Campbell offers some thoughtful guidance on helping children manage emotions, especially as they grow older and face bigger challenges. The ideas are approachable and clearly written, making it easy for parents and caregivers to apply the strategies in daily life. I appreciated the emphasis on empathy and connection rather than discipline alone.

That said, I found the content a little too surface-level at times. While it provides useful reminders, it didn’t go as deep as I was hoping in terms of practical examples or more detailed techniques. Some sections felt repetitive, and I wished for more real-life scenarios to see the methods in action.

Overall, this is a decent resource if you’re looking for a quick and encouraging read about supporting kids through their emotions, but it may leave you wanting more substance if you’re already familiar with similar parenting books.

[Hayden Leamon · Rating 3 out of 5]

It seemed that resources dropped off for parenting once 'school age' hit, so I will give this credit for being one. All and all good messaging to help kids understand their emotional responses and finding healthy outlets. Advice that has been missing from generations. Even has been newer to me in recent years. I will say though I found it interesting they were very reliant being in tune to children's specific sensory needs, yet there was one brief chapter on ADHD that linked to a QR code. The book didn't mention autism or other common disorders that might come into play. For more difficult family situations the book points to therapy or outside resources. The book I think could have been a few chapters. It was all the same advice throughout essentially, just for different scenarios. And some of the conversation starters and responses seemed helpful or otherwise were a bit generic.

[Amber M · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was great! It validated things I was already doing with my school-aged kids and gave me scripts and tips for things I’m sure we’ll be facing soon. This book isn’t too “woo woo” where you’ll roll your eyes but it does include scientifically backed ideas about the nervous system and the importance of emotional regulation. Chapters cover lying, peer pressure, school avoidance, technology, learning differences, and helping your child become a better human. It also gives tips for schools and teachers (spoiler alert: PBIS isn’t the way to go😂). With QR codes to access digital material this book really covers it all. I need a physical copy to come back to!

Thanks to netgalley and the publisher for this advance copy.

[Yvonne Milli · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a modern, well written guide to parenting children and their big emotions. This is an easy, fast read. I really appreciate that this book does not drag on with dry, wordy, needless explanations that other parenting books may include. There is a chapter on anxiety in this book and it does reference the Anxious Generation. There is a chapter on ADHD as well. It’s not a cure all, but it does offer enough information to make a difference in parenting, enough to understand where your child is coming from with regard to their behavior, and how to work through it with them. I find this book useful for day to day parenting whereas with other parenting books, I’ve often finished thinking, huh?

[Cristina · Rating 3 out of 5]

There are some good ideas in here about being curious about what is causing your child's behavior. I also liked the idea that we should not be focusing on raising obedient children. The thing is that my children do have to have appropriate reactions to situations in order to thrive. The teachers need students to listen to instructions and not disrupt the class. There is no time for them to figure out the "why" for the behavior. And sometimes, I don't have the time to root out what the stressor is for a meltdown. If we have to get in the car for school, sometimes they have to do that, crying. In a ideal world, I'd have all the time to give allow them to calm down and then discuss what caused the meltdown, but that is jsut not the case.

[Amanda · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very helpful book for the elementary schools years! In some ways these kids are still "little," but in many others they aren't. My son is almost 11, and there was a lot of good info in here for current struggles he and we are having, while I also wished this had been around earlier.
The book has science to back up, but it's written in a very approachable way. Lots of examples and sample conversations.
I would recommend this to any elementary age parents! Chapters are focused on fairly narrow topics, so it can be read all the way through, or your can go straight for areas that fit your needs.

[erforscherin · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was more of a scouting read, as this is targeted more at 3rd-5th grade issues; I’ll probably revisit this later.

I do wish it had spent more time on templates/scaffolding for conversations, because most of the examples presented were… I don’t know how to say this: of a structure I had never seen before? It seemed like complete magic to me how that approach would deescalate the situation, and yet apparently it did, and I don’t know how to replicate that. Possibly Kidlet is just not old enough for me to imagine this yet, or (quite likely) maybe I am just not in the right headspace for this right now. :-/