The Virgin Mary's Got Nits: A Christmas Anthology

by Gervase Phinn

A hilarious and touching gift book anthology of poetry and prose on the subject of Christmas from the Yorkshire school inspector and bestselling author of the Dales series and Little Village School series.

Genres: Christmas

192 pages, Hardcover

First published November 6, 2014

About the author

Gervase Phinn (born 27 December 1946, Rotherham, South Yorkshire, England) is an English author and educator. After a career as a teacher he became a schools inspector.

He is now a freelance lecturer, broadcaster and writer, a consultant for the Open University, Honorary Fellow of St. John's College, York, Doctor of Letters (D.Litt) of the University of Leicester, Doctor of Letters (D.Litt) of The University of Hull and the Fellow and Visiting Professor of Education at The University of Teesside.

In 2005 the highest academic award of Sheffield Hallam University, Doctor of the University (D.Univ.) was conferred upon him by the Chancellor, Professor Lord Robert Winston. In 2006 he became President of The School Library Association.

He has published five volumes of memoir, collections of poetry and a number of books about education. He has a particular interest in children's literature and literacy.
He is married with four grown-up children.

Reviews

[Danielle's · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was bought for me as a gift. The person who bought me it loves this author and therefore decided it was the perfect present for everyone (She bought a few people the same thing). I'm telling you this because my typical read is romance novels and this would not have been something I would have chosen.

Overall I enjoyed this book. It is made up of short stories which lead to jokes and poems. Some were funny and some were just okay. For the right person this would be the perfect book however it's not going to be for everyone. I'd say if you are from Yorkshire this would be a big advantage. My main problem with this book is the articulate language mixed with Yorkshire slang. I just felt there was no need for the big words.

[Julia · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was already a fan of Gervase Phone before I read this book and sadly that put me at a disadvantage because some of the poems or short stories have appeared elsewhere and I had already read them. This is stated on one of the very last pages and I think it would have been better to have noted it on the back cover so that it was obvious before purchase.

I enjoyed this and felt that it was a good mix of short stories and poems that you could dip in and out of during the hectic Christmas period. It will certainly raise a smile whichever poem or story you happen upon

I have given 4 stars only because I wasn't aware that there would be parts that I had already read, and I think it should have been clearer that this was the case

[Felicity · Rating 4 out of 5]

On the whole another enjoyable book by Gervase Phinn. Maybe because I've read most of what this author has written, I'm starting to read some of the same tales in different books. To be fair though, they still make me smile. It's the way Mr. Phinn relates these tales that are pure gold, I would love to meet some of these children who "....are as blunt as a dull knife!" The story of Kyle, aged 10 and the new kid at school, tore at my heartstrings. If you want a bit of cheering up, have a read.

[Theresa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely delightful! Made me laugh out loud, "Happy Christmas, Miss Dunn" brought tears to my eyes, and I smiled throughout.

This is a collection of essays, anecdotes, poems, and short stories, with a few ink drawings scattered throughout, from the author of the British Little Village School series. Loosely grouped by topic - from Christmas pageants to nativities, to santa, to pantomime, to holiday traditions -- this is the perfect little holiday-pick-me-up.

I suspect this could become an annual read, and I also think it would be a great book to read with your kids as a family.

[Stacey · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love any book my Gervase Phinn. He's one of my favourite authors and I've had the opportunity to meet him on several occasions as he was my school inspector at primary school. This book is so funny, I couldn't put it down

[Vickie Tate · Rating 4 out of 5]

A witty collection of anecdotes, poems and short stories all with a festive feel. I enjoyed the laid back, autobiographical tone of the author and found this to be an easy and engaging Christmas read.

[Reena · Rating 4 out of 5]

Christmas funnies.

[Lucy Dawson · Rating 4 out of 5]

A bit of lighthearted fun to end my year of books :)

[R.S. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderful - a wicked sense of humour perfect for the festive season.

[Liz · Rating 3 out of 5]

Funny irreverent a good antedote to xmas

[Clare · Rating 4 out of 5]

A heartwarming read.

[Joanne · Rating 4 out of 5]

An amusing view of schools at Christmas time.

[Kim · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderfully-written and hilarious, great seasonal read - 9.5/10.

[Julia · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Virgin Mary’s Got Nits by Gervase Phinn is a very charming anthology of tales and poems set at Christmas.
We hear tales about nativities that the author experienced as he visited schools in Yorkshire in his role as school inspector. Children are delightfully honest and forthright in their opinions, which often produces much hilarity.
A child in a nativity said: “Can you tell the palm tree to shift, Miss, he’s blocking my view and I can’t see my Nana.”
An angel in another nativity when talking of the baby Jesus said: “’E’s a reight bobby-dazzler.”
There are poems scattered throughout, as well as short stories that bring a tear to your eye. My particular favourites were Happy Christmas, Miss Dunn; and A Christmas Miracle.
Observations of visitors in schools often produce chuckles from the reader – my favourite was that of a vicar trying to tell the parable of the Lost Sheep to children raised in rural Yorkshire. There were many questions about the breed of sheep, finally ending with: “’Why do you think the shepherd risked losing all the other sheep just for one which was lost?’… The vociferous little girl raised a hand. ‘’Appen it were t’tup she said.”
As the book ends we read a powerful description of Jesus: “He was born in an obscure village… For this quiet teacher from the hills of Galilee has fed the needs, fulfilled the hopes and changed the lives of many millions. For what He taught brought heaven to earth and revealed God’s heart to mankind.”
A positively delightful and charming little book.

[Lou · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love his books, humorous, often touching, and a book with Christmas stories is always going to evoke memories of your own experiences as a child at Christmas. Some cute stories in here. My only issue is towards the end none of the stories were about Christmas they were all other bible stories. As it is only a small book I’m sure there were other Christmas themed stories he could have included, as it’s billed as a Christmas anthology?. They didn’t fit with the rest of the book and it went from a touching little trip down Christmas past to feeling a bit Sunday school preachy.

[Elaine Watson · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was absolutely hysterical to begin with and had I have been in public when I started reading it I would have drawn a few strange looks as it did literally make me laugh out loud but it got a bit more serious and a bit more religious as it got nearer the end with parables etc which may have had an odd quip from a child. It is quite a short story - so it's not that panful to read but the early chapters are the best and fully recommended.

[Allison Wagner · Rating 2 out of 5]

Disappointing

When I read other reviews, I was under the impression that it was a book about directing/observing children at Christmas time. It’s not. The book starts out with hilarious stories about the chaos that teaching children brings, then moves into anecdotes and short stories that go nowhere.

[Diana Jackson · Rating 4 out of 5]

A dear old friend mentioned this book in passing reminding me of my teaching days and how J Phinn cheered those stressful days of inspection.
He does it again only I'm long retired. I laughed out-loud and could picture every moment. Great fun but so true!

[Andy Gore · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lots of fun.

[Sinead · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely adored this.

[Judith Thomas · Rating 2 out of 5]

Utterly and totally brilliant

To any teacher.. Especially yorkshire born and bred.. You will love it and want to share it it's so amazing

[Helen Stead · Rating 4 out of 5]

Some good stories in here, and having seen the author on several occasions, and also having worked with children all my life, l could visualise each one.

[Steph Hayward-bailey · Rating 3 out of 5]

A fun collection of Christmas school stories.

[J Grimsey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Light wait easy read.

[Julie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book

[Barbara · Rating 3 out of 5]

Light-hearted, good fun.