Love Expanded: How asexuals and aromantics are redefining love, life and family

by Wren Burke

A boundary-pushing book that redefines how we love.

What if romantic love wasn't the only kind we prioritised? What would happen if we put the same emphasis on platonic love? How would we understand and relate to each other? How would we change?

In this quietly radical book, Wren Burke makes a case for breaking out of our outdated social and cultural conventions that tell us romance alone will bring us true happiness. By shifting our focus to love all its manifestations, Love Expanded offers us a way through the loneliness one that prioritises community and companionship over the search for 'the one'.

This illuminating book is for anyone who wants deeper, more authentic connections; for those who crave partnership but not romance; for single people in a world which benefits couples. It offers us new languages for consent that take apart old-fashioned scripts in favour of better, clearer communication, and different approaches to dating that focus less on seeking instant attraction and more on building friendships.

You don't need a romantic partner to be complete; you're already whole.

Genres: Nonfiction, LGBT, Queer, Audiobook

331 pages, Kindle Edition

First published June 5, 2025

Reviews

[Madeleine]

A book about asexuality, aromanticism, and the normative expectation baked into Western society that influence all of us regardless of our sexual or romantic orientation.
In addition to the author's own experience the variety of other aspec voices in this book made it a really wonderful read.

Aside from the expected: sex and romance, this book covers so many aspects of human life. Including families, modern society's struggle with friendship, body politics and legal aspects.
An eye-opening read if you are aspec yourself, but I'm sure even more so if you're not (hi allos!), because regardless of where you fall on the spectrums of sexuality and romantic attraction, the things described in this book affect all of us, and a world that is more friendly towards anyone outside of the monogamous nuclear family ideal is a better world for all of us.

[Joana]

I finished this book on the day I turned 30, which makes sense. If my teen years was me realizing I was attracted to multiple genders, this last decade was me learning and understanding that my attraction to people very much differed from what was expected from me.

I knew I wanted to look for book like this when I visited Queer Lit in Manchester, and this didn't disappoint... I really love how the book included not only the author's personal story, but actual data, and stories from multiple people in the spectrum of asexuality and/or aromanticism, to see a future drawn, to see the way relationships can be so different from what society tells you and still have just as much meaning. It felt so satisfying!!!

I also really loved the chapter about friendship, and the focus on break ups on friendships, that hit too close to home... but feeling that pain acknowledged meant something to me, it made me cry so much, because it took me back there. But it feels good reminding you that friends are not "just friends", that nothing is just a "just".

Also I really liked the book going into the struggles of being in these spectrums, to have them acknowledged again, but I also liked the perspective at the end of what we can do for the future, what we should want to achieve... and how better rights for us would also just make the world a better and more diverse place, without the constant pressure for relationships and sex than can reach everyone.

Honestly, this was a brilliant read, I'm so glad I read it, it felt good to read about experiences I can relate too, both from my past and to see a future for myself that's just as valid. My edition is completely underlined and tabbed up, and it will mean the world to me (and I want to look for more ace and aro books - fiction and nonfiction).

[Wool]

Love Expanded truly is the perfect title for this book. Burke elegantly and succintly provides readers with clear explanations on what aromantacism and asexuality is and how the lives of people who identify as such may differ from that of allos. As an asexual person, I'm very used to my identity being belittled or dismissed (even by others in the LGBT+ community!) and I find that most exploration of aspec life in media tends to be on the rather shallow side -- it was refreshing to read a book by an author who takes such explicit joy in examining the intricacies and differences of aspec life. This is the first time i've found a book that doesn't dismiss the aspec experience as 'that other weird group that also exists sometimes' and takes the time to illustrate how our experiences are different than norm.

I believe that this book fills the missing link which currently exists in LGBT+ nonfiction. Aspec people are frequently glossed over when it comes to queer history and, as Burke mentions, they have different LBGT+ experiences than the rest of the community -- and yet there are so few stories which explore those differences. Burke writes about these issues with a level of grace rarely afforded when telling aspec tales, but never condescends the reader for being unfamiliar with certain aspects of aromantic/asexual life. I hope this book can bring broader visibility to the aspec community, and improve people's understanding of what their lives are like.

[Darkyukifr]

The very first time I ever thought “oh, there actually is someone like me” was when I read “Nous qui n’existons pas” by Mélanie Fazi. I was looking for a book about an adult AroAce person and her experience was mind blowing for the 21 years old girl I was. This book was also my very first step into discovering my autism since I could also relate to the AroAce part. This never happened before.

Love Expanded gave me the same thrilling experience 7 years later, but instead of thinking “there is someone like me in this world”, it was “there are so many AroAce people who have the same mindset but find different ways of living depending on their personalities and cultural backgrounds!”. And this is such an amazing feeling to FINALLY read a book with a lot of interviews, documentations and scientific sources about Aro and/or Ace people. I am so used to Ace and Aro media dedicated to Allo people to explain with simple definitions “what” we are and how being Aro and Ace are two different things, that I didn’t imagine a book like this could ever exist. The only most famous example is “Ace” by Angela Chen, which was an amazing read, but I was frustrated regarding aromantism and how it was always dealt with on the surface in any book. That frustration disappeared with Love Expanded.

There are a lot of very interesting discussions and they helped me to put some words on my own experience (such as the chapter about gender and the disconnection one may have with their body, this section gave me many answers as a cis woman who doesn’t really “feel” womanhood).

The part with the laws seemed very important to me as well, and I found it shocking to realise how much I'm not aware of my rights (or more likely my lack of protection) as being AroAce is a non-existent identity in the eyes of society. This goes hand in hand with the difficulty of accessing healthcare and housing, and all the financial problems that living alone or in a non-amatonormative way may cause.

I really liked the diversity of the subjects studied, which all make sense in the impact they have on AroAce but also on Allo people (with for example the chapter about the body and the parallel between “value” and “attractiveness”, or the chapter about friendship and loneliness, and so many other cultural and social thematics. I really appreciated how disabled people, poor people and BIPOC were entirely parts of the discussions and not only a “side note” like many other media do). These discussions actually concern everyone!

It also helped me to imagine what kind of future I can dream of, and this is also a very new feeling for me. I could actually think “yes, this looks appealing to me” while reading some of the interviewees’ experiences. I also loved reading about experiences that are not appealing to me but work amazingly for others (and even reading about people who don’t know what to do!). The last chapter also gives a lot of hope for our future.

I highly recommend this book, which I find advanced and well sourced, and I hope it will serve as a resource for future research!

[Francesca Pashby]

I once joked that I was a "non sexual lesbian", I think because I have always adored the company and friendship of my female friends ... turns out I was thinking of platonic love, which is (or should be) a perfectly acceptable form of loving another human being, but without any sexual component. So three cheers for that becoming unremarked upon and acceptable in society (and all my gal pals are welcome to join our sisterhood commune when our husbands die!).

There were many more serious issues in this book however, and also a lot of naming/labelling different sexualities/persuasions that I was somewhat overwhelmed by. However, my motto is always live and let live, and I hope that the aro/ace community grows and thrives; Wren Burke is a clear and articulate voice for the cause.

[Ingrid]

This is the best book about asexuality and aromanticism i have read! It is very comprehensive and talks about many aspects of community, friendship, relationships, love and societal and cultural aspects. It is intersectional and speaks of racism, fatphobia, homophobia, sexism, queerphobia, acephobia, ableism. This book led to a lot of personal realizations for me after a lot of journaling that sparked from the book.

I wish there was a bit more about neurodivergence, but there was so much that was covered that i didn't even know about that it's ok. This book made me realize i might be agender, or at least that i don't truly relate to my gender due to being on the aroace spectrum.

I also realized that one reason i have a hard time relating to romance is that as a neurodivergent person i dont follow the "script" in that moment or really ever so i get very confused at the amatonormative standards.

The book was based on statistics and facts and lived experience stories. I found it to be a perfect balance. I love that there are examples of people in relationships eith one or several people and those who don't have partners at all. I like how there was a bit of the author's life, but just enough to be interesting without overtaking the whole book.

This is an obligatory read both for aspec people but also for allo people, because as the title suggests it is about expanding our views on the concept of love and different labels we give to our connections to other people. Please read this book!!!

[Berelex]

A necessary addition to the fundamental queer books.
Aromantism lacked its defining book, here it is. Brimming with hopeful examples, legislation examples, reflexions on the links between the aspec experience and other oppressions…
A must read, not only for aspec but for any people interested in understanding them better, or just that want to gain a broader understanding of the array of possible relations, families, links one may define, out of the amatonormative prescription.
4.5 rounded to 4

[Chloe]

As someone who struggles to read non-fiction books usually this book surprised me. I loved the way it was written and the use of anecdotes and different people’s story along with facts to learn new information in an engaging and fun way. It was very cool to see stories I related to as well as many I’d never heard or seen before and overall a very joyful book. I want to get all my family and friends to read this and understand how relationships and connections can be so different even for allo and straight people the importance of friendships.

[Merel]

If you're still trying to figure out your ace identity, I would recommend ACE by Angela Chen over Love Expanded. However, Love Expanded can be helpful if you're curious about non-normative relations and things like relationship anarchy. I learned a lot, and my worries of never really fitting in and staying alone forever are significantly reduced now. "There are a thousand ways to make a home" and this book has shown me only the tip of the iceberg of what's possible.

[Ultramarinedream]

I don't identify as Aro/Ace, but this book was dense with information that was useful for relating to and understanding those who are. I especially appreciated the sections on Queer Platonic Relationships as it gave a name to a way of living that I value and have integrated into my own life without realizing exactly what it was called :)

[lujan,,,]

im not rating this
i liked it at times i found it very interesting but also i do not agree with a lot of things and found them unnecessary (saying that people are lonely and that's why they go to sex workers is Crazy)

[Iva]

4.5

[Ushang]

Solid book, great if you want to know more about asexuality and aromanticism and the issues that people on the aroace spectrum face. It was pretty eye-opening to see the world through the aroace lens, and the way that the world's focus on sex and romance poses problems for everyone, aroace or not.