Overcoming School Avoidance: What to Do When Your Kid Won't Go to School

by Jayne Demsky

Overcoming School Avoidance tackles one of the fastest-growing issues facing families the increasing number of children who are refusing or reluctant to attend school. Often misunderstood as defiance or opposition, school avoidance can be a sign of deeper emotional or mental health challenges. Yet, many parents find themselves unprepared when these behaviors arise and struggle to find the right support. 

In this first-of-its-kind guide, Jayne Demsky—founder of the School Avoidance Alliance—provides a comprehensive roadmap for parents who feel isolated and overwhelmed by their child’s school avoidance. Demsky offers practical strategies that help parents work with school administrators, navigate truancy laws, and most importantly, provide the structure and emotional support their children need to return to learning.

Drawing from years of experience as an advocate, Demsky explains how to strike the delicate balance between discipline and compassion, offering advice on how to set boundaries while addressing underlying mental health needs. This book serves as a lifeline for parents, guiding them through the school system and helping them advocate for their child’s unique needs—because too often, the system itself is unprepared to provide the right solutions.

Through expert interviews with mental health providers and insights gathered from the School Avoidance Alliance’s large and active parent community, Overcoming School Avoidance sheds light on this complex issue. Parents will find not just guidance, but also support in understanding the behavioral cues of school avoidance, strategies for communication, and tools to help children re-engage with education at their own pace. This is more than just a how-to book—it’s a compassionate and timely resource that aims to restore confidence and hope to parents and help children return to a productive and fulfilling school life.

288 pages, Paperback

Published October 14, 2025

About the author

Jayne Demsky is the founder of the School Avoidance Alliance and a leading advocate for families struggling with the complex and often misunderstood challenge of school avoidance. Her journey into this work was not one of academic study or professional aspiration but of deep personal struggle—years spent watching her son battle chronic school avoidance, feeling helpless as resources and support were painfully scarce.
During those difficult years, the weight of fear, frustration, and isolation was overwhelming. Friends and family didn’t understand the reality of school avoidance—why a bright, capable child simply couldn’t walk through the doors of a classroom. The lack of awareness made it even harder to share, leaving Jayne’s family to navigate the crisis largely alone.
Determined to change the narrative, Jayne founded the School Avoidance Alliance in 2014. What began as an effort to find guidance and answers for her own child quickly evolved into a national movement—one that fills a critical gap in education, advocacy, and professional development. Through the School Avoidance Alliance, she has empowered countless families and school districts with best practices and evidence-based solutions, so that no parent or child feels the same isolation she once did.
Today, the School Avoidance Alliance is the premier resource for professional development in school avoidance across the United States. Their flagship course, "Everything You Need to Know to Get Your Students Back to School," has transformed the approach of school districts nationwide. The parent-focused School Avoidance Master Class has educated and supported families, improving outcomes for students caught in the cycle of avoidance.
Jayne has reshaped conversations in education, mental health, and youth advocacy, sharing her expertise with educators, clinicians, truancy prevention experts, and juvenile justice professionals. She has been a featured speaker at the International Network for School Attendance and has presented at numerous conferences, advocating for a more empathetic and informed approach to school avoidance. As a founding member of Attendance USA, she remains committed to raising awareness, promoting education to school professionals, and advocating for families facing these challenges.
Her leadership and the School Avoidance Alliance’s impact have garnered national attention, with features in USA Today, Education Week, The Washington Post, EdSurge, ADDitude Magazine, AttendanceWorks, Fox News, Good Morning Arizona, and CBS News. What began as a personal struggle has become a lifeline for families across the country—proof that no one should have to navigate school avoidance alone.

Reviews

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this book INCREDIBLY helpful. It is a must-read for any parent of a child struggling with school avoidance! It was eye-opening in helping me to reframe my view of school avoidance as a mental health issue that my child cannot control rather than a failure on her part or on mine. I especially appreciated the Q&A from experts and the parent stories about their experiences. I laughed and cried as some of the examples and questions really resonated with me. It helped me feel that I am not alone. I gained knowledge and insight that gives me hope for the future. I am better able to manage my own expectations, realizing that progress will take time and flexibility but we will get there. Thank you, Jayne Demsky, for writing this book!

[Linda Geiger · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a parent who lived through the heartbreak and helplessness of my own child’s school refusal, I know how isolating and overwhelming this journey can be. When I founded our anxiety and OCD intensive program, it was with the hope that no family would have to navigate these challenges alone.

Jayne Demsky’s Overcoming School Avoidance is a beacon of hope and practical guidance for parents. It is filled with compassionate insight, evidence-based strategies, and real-life wisdom that empowers families to advocate for their children and collaborate effectively with schools and mental health professionals. This book is a lifeline—offering both comfort and actionable steps, and reminding us that recovery is possible. Every parent facing school avoidance should have this invaluable resource at their side."

Linda E. Geiger, CEO & Founder Anxiety Institute

[Heather Walter · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jayne Demsky masterfully guides readers into the daily lives of families who have children who struggle with school avoidance. An urgent and critical read, this book provides evidence, and practical strategies in combination with the lived experiences of individuals who have struggled with and overcame school avoidance. This is a holistic and compassionate roadmap for educators, mental health professionals, and families to understand the foundations of school avoidance, gain confidence in their practices, and begin to reconnect and be together.
Heather Walter, EdD
Assistant Professor of Special Education; Senior Scholar, Center for the Advancement of Wellbeing, George Mason University

[Bobbi · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a parent of two children who have and continue to struggle with school avoidance, this book made me feel seen, validated, and—most importantly—understood. It offers a wide range of perspectives on interventions and best practices, including insights from therapists, psychologists, and powerful testimonials from fellow parents who have walked through the trenches and emerged on the other side. Through this thoughtful blend, Jayne reminds us that every child is unique. What works for one may not work for another. As parents, we know our children best, and this book reinforces the importance of trusting our instincts while also remaining open to guidance from professionals.

While one reviewer perceived the book as “bashing schools,” I did not share that view. In fact, I found Jayne’s approach fair and balanced. I’ve witnessed schools that have successfully supported students through school avoidance, allowing for a gradual re-entry based on therapeutic recommendations. I’ve also seen the unfortunate consequences when a punitive approach is taken—one that often worsens the avoidance. It’s painful but necessary to acknowledge when our systems, however well-intentioned, may be doing more harm than good. For those who haven’t lived it—or supported someone through it—it’s easy to misinterpret school avoidance as defiance or a failure in parenting. But this book makes clear: school avoidance is real, deeply rooted in anxiety, and deserving of empathy and thoughtful support.

Though my personal journey has been and continues to be challenging, it has also shaped me into a stronger advocate in my professional role. Much of this book underscores the essential role schools play in a student’s recovery. In my district, principals hold significant discretion when it comes to excusing absences or setting re-entry timelines after prolonged school avoidance. This means responses vary widely, and until school systems begin to educate staff and clearly differentiate school avoidance from truancy, systemic support will remain inconsistent and insufficient.

Still, there is hope. Nearly every story in the book includes mention of one school staff member who made a difference—who saw the child not as “defiant,” but as someone in distress. Sometimes, that one advocate is all it takes. I strive to be that person for the students in my care.

Thank you, Jayne, for writing a book that validated my experience, helped me approach my children with greater compassion, and offered practical strategies I can use both at home and in my work. Your words moved me to tears—and reminded me I am not alone. This book is a true gift to both parents and professionals navigating the complex terrain of school avoidance.

[Rachel · Rating 2 out of 5]

*I received a free ARC from the publisher through NetGalley in exchange for my honest review*

As a school psychologist in a high school I was excited to read this book hoping it could provide me with insight on how to support students experiencing school avoidance. There is some useful information here that I will take with me into my own practice, but ultimately I was really disappointed in how the author positions school as the enemy in all of this. I hope it was not the author's intention, but the message of this book also kind of blames schools for this population's difficulties. She makes the point on multiple occasions that it is not the child's fault and not the parents' fault, but then strongly suggests it is the school's fault. This hardly helps to establish a cooperative and collaborative relationship between parents and schools. I do not pretend that all teachers, school personnel, and schools do everything right all the time, but this book pretty much paints everyone associated with a school with the same brush. Maybe I am being overly sensitive because I know how hard the school in which I work strives to support its students. But even including the term "toxic teachers" frustrates me and suggests that parents tend to forget teachers are people too with their own flaws, mental health struggles, and crushing pressures to meet expectations. I do wish, however, that I lived in this author's magical fantasy world where we are not experiencing a nation-wide teacher/counselor/school psychologist shortage, that most schools/districts have social workers, that there are not long wait lists for outpatient mental health supports (especially in rural areas), that insurance will cover expenses related to therapy, and that we are not about to experience unprecedented cuts to public education (which will most definitely hurt mental health programs in schools).

[Sheri Golden Shelden · Rating 5 out of 5]

For anyone looking for information on school avoidance, this is a must read! As a parent of a child who struggled with school avoidance and an educator, I know firsthand the challenges of this often misunderstood problem. Jayne Demsky's book, Overcoming School Avoidance, offers a wealth of information, gathered from her years of personal experience, interviews with leading doctors and professionals and countless hours talking to parents looking for answers and support. This is a resource I wish I had at the beginning of my journey with school avoidance. Instead of looking to only "fix" your child, she looks at various causes and support for both parents and children. She does not "blame" the schools, parent, or children, but provides a wide range of possibilities for this very complex situation. The more we can understand the problem, the more we (schools, parents, and professionals) will be able to support our children.

[Sharon Bradley · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a school district administrator responsible for attendance in 73 schools, I believe this is an essential resource for all school and district leaders. Addressing school avoidance is a critical issue across our nation's educational institutions, and this expertly researched guide offers practical strategies to help educators partner with families to re-engage students who are reluctant to attend school daily. I will be ensuring that each member of our team receives a copy because it is important to hear from a parent perspective. Thank you, Jayne Demsky, for your outstanding body of work and for your ongoing commitment through the School Avoidance Alliance.

[Shannon · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received this book as a Goodreads giveaway, but also had bought it. I thought on the whole that the book was helpful. Much of the book gives concrete examples of families facing this issue and what helped them to overcome it. My main takeaway was that punishments don't work and that you have to get to the root of why the child is avoiding school. It also prompted me to do some reflection regarding whether I was overly accomodating my son. This was a pretty quick read and did point me to some other resources that I intend to look into.

[Kelly Dziepak · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is an incredible resource for anyone experiencing school avoidance with their child. It is full of useful information on how to deal with the schools and your rights. School refusal is common especially in a post covid society and parents and schools dealing need more education on this subject and this book delivers that.

[Cheri Norwood · Rating 5 out of 5]

I feel so understood. This book is an excellent resource for navigating through school avoidance. It provides legal insight, information on 504s and IEPs, therapy options, interviews with experts, and parent testimonials. I highly recommend it for anyone dealing with a school-avoidant child.

[Jaime Hay · Rating 1 out of 5]

I was hoping for a little more than what this book delivered. I can see that this book may help families feel less alone, however, the negative picture painted of schools and a hard push for a specialized support plans from the start really made this a challenging read.