The Secrets of Successful Friendships

by The School of Life

168 pages, Hardcover

Published September 9, 2025

About the author

The School of Life is a global organisation helping people lead more fulfilled lives.

We believe that the journey to finding fulfilment begins with self-knowledge. It is only when we have a sense of who we really are that we can make reliable decisions, particularly around love and work.

Sadly, tools and techniques for developing self-knowledge and finding fulfilment are hard to find – they’re not taught in schools, in universities, or in workplaces. Too many of us go through life without ever really understanding what’s going on in the recesses of our minds.

That’s why we created The School of Life; a resource for helping us understand ourselves, for improving our relationships, our careers and our social lives - as well as for helping us find calm and get more out of our leisure hours. We do this through films, workshops, books and gifts - as well as through a warm and supportive community.

Reviews

[Maria Bell · Rating 4 out of 5]

Once again a very interesting thought provoking look at friendships. It talks about the different types of friendships we make and reasons therefore. It discusses how friendships come and go throughout life depending on our needs, circumstances and interests. It talks about books as friends and l highly relate to that, as l have always felt that way. When we read in a book a mirror of how we feel or think we feel aligned with the Author, more so often that we may with a friend. It talks about vulnerability and how that in it’s very self makes us more open to friendship. It discusses loneliness and also that if we are lucky we may only have two or three close friends. It talks about parties and how they are set up in a way for laughter, trivial conversation and lack of connection, the emphasis being on alcohol, food and a group of people that probably don’t even know each other. I feel the Author has a similar feeling to parties that l do. I know this book had many people contribute to the contents, but as Alain de Botton is the Editor l can feel his strong presence throughout the book.

[Sana M · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was very thought provoking. It drove home points that I previously struggled with. Whenever I heard about how we make friends out of need or different ones at different times in our lives, it never settled well with me and always led to a panicked discussion where I would explain in great detail how all our friendships are the same and should be treated equally. The author completely changed my mind by explaining specifically why we struggle to make friends as humans, and the labels we put on our friendships due to expectations. But also that alot of our behavior is learnt and stems from deeply rooted personal fears. I would 10/10 recommend this book to anyone who wants to go with the eb and flow of life and their ever changing friendships.

[Em]

I requested a digital ARC of "The Secrets of Successful Friendships" from NetGalley because I was interested in what it had to say and tips it might offer. Making friends—at any age—requires both skill and luck, and sustaining friendships takes real effort. Friends are among life’s greatest joys, and while forming friendships can feel effortless when we’re young, maintaining them over decades is a much more complex undertaking.

This was my first experience reading a book from The School of Life, and unfortunately, I found it disappointing. The book felt unfocused and meandering, using a great many words to arrive at very few concrete insights. The themes—emotional honesty, tolerance for imperfection, communication, and self-awareness—are worthwhile, but they are presented in a diffuse way that never quite builds toward anything substantive or practical.

What struck me as particularly odd was the inclusion of illustrations alongside the absence of cited studies or research. For a book that positions itself as offering guidance on something as psychologically rich and socially complex as friendship, the lack of grounding in research made the advice feel thin and, at times, unconvincing. Perhaps this reaction has something to do with having been around the sun a few times; much of what was presented felt either overly abstract or already well known.

Because I don’t enjoy giving low star ratings—and because I suspect this book may resonate more strongly with other readers—I’ve chosen not to assign a star rating at all. While this particular title did not work for me, I’m not ready to give up on The School of Life as a whole. I appreciate their broader mission and concept, and I’m open to trying other books in the series in hopes that one will be a better fit.

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for providing me with a digital ARC of this book in exchange for an honest review.

[Lucy Ellis-Hardy · Rating 4 out of 5]

The Secrets of Successful Friendships is an insightful book that explores the nature of friendship in a meaningful way. At its core, the book reassures us that true friends see and accept our most authentic selves.  Our flaws and struggles are accepted, and true friends still choose to stand by us.

The chapters are clearly laid out and cover a wide range of themes, including different types of friendships, substitutes for friendship, and even the potential enemies of friendship. I found the book engaging and appreciated the inclusion of historical context and photographs.

One of the key messages that resonated with me was the importance of honesty in friendships and not presenting a facade, but showing up as we truly are. We don’t need to behave 'normally' or hide our quirks. In fact, I’ve always believed that vulnerability makes a person more likeable, and this book reinforced that beautifully.

It also offered insights I hadn’t considered before. The writing is well-researched and accessible.  I’d recommend it to anyone looking to reflect on their friendships.  I received a free ARC from NetGalley, and this is my honest review.

[Colleen · Rating 5 out of 5]

A really good book! Maybe it should be required reading? Trying to determine what age though ... when I requested to read the advance read copy, I thought it might be helpful for my young niece. But this book is really for adults (in my opinion). But would be a great book for high school and colleges as well.

Love and friendship is not quantitative. If I have 4 friends and one moves 5 states away and I'm not connecting with them any longer, does my friendship with the others increase by some proportion? No. Does it increase at all? Probably not. It is not a mathematics equation.

I found some of the unusual friendships between famous folks interesting. I found the entire book interesting. So glad I read the Secrets of Successful Friendships!

Many thanks to NetGalley and The School of Life (publishers) for approving my request to read the advance read copy of The Secrets of Successful Friendships in exchange for an honest review. Not very long at 168 pages. Sept 9, 2025 publication date.

[Jugu · Rating 5 out of 5]

"It's the lack of introspection that explains why conversations with them so often gets stuck in odd places: discussing the price of train tickets, or the best way to prepare muffins, or what so-and-so from the university (whom we never really knew or liked) is now doing. It explains why, when we try to nudge the conversation onto something more intimate and vulnerable, we seem somehow never to manage and end up in yet more rounds of discussion about the sports results or the new political scandal.
They aren't necessarily cold, but it can certainly seem that way because they aren't interested in communicating what is really going on in their hearts. Sometimes we can be surprised when, out of the blue, they tell us that they consider us to be a close friend.
We should accept that most of our acquaintances – however much they might, in theory, want to be friendly – do not want to do so at the cost of looking inside their own minds" (133).

[Apollos Michio · Rating 3 out of 5]

No one actually teaches us how to make friends, so this book, in a sense, appeases my philosophical curiosity about the subject of friend-making. (I hoped that reading it would refine any friend-making skills I have, or lack.) 🥰

Having read it, I feel that it could have been written in a more straightforward and easily understandable manner, instead of its rather convoluted writing style that proffers more examples than necessary and heavily overuses em dashes. Most of the sentences in this book require a few reads to fully grasp the idea conveyed. 🔎

But, to the right readers, I believe the intellectual tone and the wonderful insights of the book make it shine as a philosophical treatise on friendship. You might close the book with a renewed understanding and appreciation of the friends you have, and will make. ❤️

[Eviana · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have read several books from The School of Life, but this one feels different. It’s relatable and important. Having true friends is very important, especially as an adult with many responsibilities and mental burdens. I agree that even having just a few friends you can count on one hand is a blessing.

This book is not only about friendship but also about loneliness. It’s okay to sometimes feel lonely because it’s truly hard to find friends who understand the uniqueness of who we are.

Reading this book made me appreciate the friends in my life, whether we’ve lost contact or are still in touch. Be good to them and be there for them.

Thank you, The School of Life, for the digital arc.

[George · Rating 5 out of 5]

This wonderful book is a compelling, informative, and sustained exploration of the role that friendship plays in our lives and how we can do it better. The chapter titles indicate its scope:

Introduction
I. Varieties of Friendship
II. Enemies of Friendship
III. Friends of Friendship
IV. Substitutes for Friendship
Conclusion

Everything it says is accessible and readily assimilated, but nevertheless there is great value in reading a comprehensive survey of friendship which invites us to have a more expansive and appreciative vision of these vital relationships.

I am grateful to have received a review copy from The School of Life and NetGalley.

[Reading_ Tamishly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you, The School of Life, for the advance reader copy.

I had a fun time reading this book on friendships, the types of friendships we have and what they mean.

I love the examples given; what factors affect friendships and what it takes to make a solid foundation in friendships!

I wish there were more of examples from today’s scenarios. But yes, I enjoyed reading about the famous people in the past and their stories on their friends.

[Jessica Zhao · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good for a gift for friends too!