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Bana Aşkın Ne Olduğunu Söyle: Terapi Koltuğundan 13 Hikâye
Hayatımıza anlam katan aşk, zorlu duygusal mücadeleleri de beraberinde getirebilir. Psikanalist Susanna Abse de bu kitabında okurları, birbirinden ilginç gerçek hayat hikâyeleri üzerinden aşkın doğasını keşfetmeye çağırıyor: Modern dönem Rapunzel’leri, Don Juan’ları, kurbağayı öpen prensesleri ve nicesini.
İlişkilerinde çeşitli sorunlarla karşılaşmış hastalarıyla yürüttüğü uzun soluklu görüşmelerinden yola çıkan Abse, Bana Aşkın Ne Olduğunu Söyle'de nasıl sevdiğimizi, sevdiğimiz insanla kurduğumuz diyaloğun temellerini, umutlarımızı yeşertip bizi mutlu eden ya da bizleri hayal kırıklığına sürükleyen gerçekleri, şefkatli bir üslupla anlamlandırmaya çalışıyor.
Okurları bir ilişkide en sık karşılaşılan aldatma, ihtiras, evlilik, çocuk sahibi olma, yalnızlık ve kırılganlık gibi konular üzerine düşünmeye davet eden Bana Aşkın Ne Olduğunu Söyle’de bir ilişkiye ne zaman son verip ne zaman devam edeceğinizi, daha mutlu yaşayabilmenin, partnerinizi daha iyi anlayabilmenin ve kendinizi daha iyi anlatabilmemin inceliklerini keşfedeceksiniz.
“Zekice ve dokunaklı.” - Maggie O'Farrell
“İlişkilerin sancılarına ve umutlarına dair büyüleyici, içten ve faydalı bir kitap.” - Alain de Botton
"Bu harika ve bilgelikle dolu kitabı okuyan herkes, aşk hayatımızın önemi ve karmaşıklığı konusunda çok şey öğrenecek. Susanna Abse, yılların deneyimiyle yoğrulmuş, ona güvenmemizi sağlayan bir samimiyetle yazıyor. Tatlı mizahı da cabası." - Julia Samuel
İlişkilerinde çeşitli sorunlarla karşılaşmış hastalarıyla yürüttüğü uzun soluklu görüşmelerinden yola çıkan Abse, Bana Aşkın Ne Olduğunu Söyle'de nasıl sevdiğimizi, sevdiğimiz insanla kurduğumuz diyaloğun temellerini, umutlarımızı yeşertip bizi mutlu eden ya da bizleri hayal kırıklığına sürükleyen gerçekleri, şefkatli bir üslupla anlamlandırmaya çalışıyor.
Okurları bir ilişkide en sık karşılaşılan aldatma, ihtiras, evlilik, çocuk sahibi olma, yalnızlık ve kırılganlık gibi konular üzerine düşünmeye davet eden Bana Aşkın Ne Olduğunu Söyle’de bir ilişkiye ne zaman son verip ne zaman devam edeceğinizi, daha mutlu yaşayabilmenin, partnerinizi daha iyi anlayabilmenin ve kendinizi daha iyi anlatabilmemin inceliklerini keşfedeceksiniz.
“Zekice ve dokunaklı.” - Maggie O'Farrell
“İlişkilerin sancılarına ve umutlarına dair büyüleyici, içten ve faydalı bir kitap.” - Alain de Botton
"Bu harika ve bilgelikle dolu kitabı okuyan herkes, aşk hayatımızın önemi ve karmaşıklığı konusunda çok şey öğrenecek. Susanna Abse, yılların deneyimiyle yoğrulmuş, ona güvenmemizi sağlayan bir samimiyetle yazıyor. Tatlı mizahı da cabası." - Julia Samuel
248 pages, Paperback
Published November 18, 2024
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 88 reviews
March 23, 2024
رائع جداً، أفضل ما قرأت في هذا المجال.
November 9, 2022
Briefly - Some interesting stories but not as compelling as some I've read. 3.5/5.
In full
Susanna Abse is a psychoanalytic psychotherapist with over 30 years experience. These are stories about people she has counselled over the years. They are not actually "true" but are stories that are representative of cases the author has seen over the years. She does state that they are about patterns of behaviour and problems she has seen many times. The stories are framed around classic folk tales such as Rapunzel, the return of the Prodigal Son, Dan Juan and the like. The background to the psychoanalytic approach here is Freud and Jung.
While the title suggests that this is a book about love it is really about relationships and human interactions. That actually includes the therapist herself who reflects on the impact her clients have on her. It is largely about couples therapy. The opening introduction sets out the outline of this book very nicely. I did enjoy the opening to each of the parts of this book. They are straightforward and succinct. Fragile Bonds, Betrayal and Flesh & Blood are the titles of the parts. There are then stories about therapy within those overall headings.
Ultimately I did find some of the stories interesting and some rather less so. Having read this it is clear that I would probably not make a good therapist in this psychoanalytical sense. Susanna's patience with some of her couples was remarkable and, while I can be empathetic, I am not as patient as her. In a number of the cases the sessions seemed to be very prolonged (and maybe that also affected my level of interest). I found her self analysis was frequently interesting. All in all I think this is possibly better for those with an interest or concern in therapy rather than a more "ordinary" reader.
I guess the purported connection with folk stories was unconvincing for me. It felt more like a concept than anything else. Over the years I have read other therapy books and some have held my attention more than this one did. That said I have no regrets about reading this and would suggest it would be something that others with an interest in the field generally might enjoy.
Note - I received an advance digital copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for a fair review
In full
Susanna Abse is a psychoanalytic psychotherapist with over 30 years experience. These are stories about people she has counselled over the years. They are not actually "true" but are stories that are representative of cases the author has seen over the years. She does state that they are about patterns of behaviour and problems she has seen many times. The stories are framed around classic folk tales such as Rapunzel, the return of the Prodigal Son, Dan Juan and the like. The background to the psychoanalytic approach here is Freud and Jung.
While the title suggests that this is a book about love it is really about relationships and human interactions. That actually includes the therapist herself who reflects on the impact her clients have on her. It is largely about couples therapy. The opening introduction sets out the outline of this book very nicely. I did enjoy the opening to each of the parts of this book. They are straightforward and succinct. Fragile Bonds, Betrayal and Flesh & Blood are the titles of the parts. There are then stories about therapy within those overall headings.
Ultimately I did find some of the stories interesting and some rather less so. Having read this it is clear that I would probably not make a good therapist in this psychoanalytical sense. Susanna's patience with some of her couples was remarkable and, while I can be empathetic, I am not as patient as her. In a number of the cases the sessions seemed to be very prolonged (and maybe that also affected my level of interest). I found her self analysis was frequently interesting. All in all I think this is possibly better for those with an interest or concern in therapy rather than a more "ordinary" reader.
I guess the purported connection with folk stories was unconvincing for me. It felt more like a concept than anything else. Over the years I have read other therapy books and some have held my attention more than this one did. That said I have no regrets about reading this and would suggest it would be something that others with an interest in the field generally might enjoy.
Note - I received an advance digital copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for a fair review
July 7, 2024
An interesting concept of giving us an insight into real life therapist's office but I felt that some of the stories weren't as interesting as others and overall didn't benefit the book.
I enjoyed it but I guess I just wanted more from it.
I enjoyed it but I guess I just wanted more from it.
June 24, 2022
Tell Me The Truth about Love by Susanna Abse came out on the 19th of May, 2022. The book is 221 pages long and was published by Ebury Press, which is a Penguin Imprint. It is also Susanna Abe’s first published book. It’s based on Susanna’s experience as a psychoanalytic therapist (she started practising in 1991), and while it’s technically non-fiction, in the interest of privacy (and just not being terrible) Susanna has blurred the lines between a few of her clients.
While the premise seemed really interesting, I was unsure of how I would feel about reading a therapists point of view of their patients. Confidentiality is a really important thing; would I go to a therapist if I thought they would include a chapter about me in their book? Absolutely not; I would much rather suffer. This is why I felt a lot better after reading the authors note in the front where she acknowledges that she’s drawn from her experience to describe scenarios, rather than take people’s actual stories.
Susanna is a good writer. She doesn’t make any of these stories feel staged or stilted. She’s also honest about her owns shortcomings and about the situations where she could have done better, and even the ones where things don’t work because the patients aren’t that invested. I also loved the chapter titles, which are support creative! I think this is a solid book if you’d like to understand more about yourself and the way people around you think.
I read something similar in the past, Love’s Executioner and Other Tales of Psychotherapy by Irvin D. Salon. While that book was a bit more entertaining, I feel like Abse was infinitely gentler about her patients, which means if you’re interested in something like this, Tell Me The Truth About Love will be more palatable.
While the premise seemed really interesting, I was unsure of how I would feel about reading a therapists point of view of their patients. Confidentiality is a really important thing; would I go to a therapist if I thought they would include a chapter about me in their book? Absolutely not; I would much rather suffer. This is why I felt a lot better after reading the authors note in the front where she acknowledges that she’s drawn from her experience to describe scenarios, rather than take people’s actual stories.
Susanna is a good writer. She doesn’t make any of these stories feel staged or stilted. She’s also honest about her owns shortcomings and about the situations where she could have done better, and even the ones where things don’t work because the patients aren’t that invested. I also loved the chapter titles, which are support creative! I think this is a solid book if you’d like to understand more about yourself and the way people around you think.
I read something similar in the past, Love’s Executioner and Other Tales of Psychotherapy by Irvin D. Salon. While that book was a bit more entertaining, I feel like Abse was infinitely gentler about her patients, which means if you’re interested in something like this, Tell Me The Truth About Love will be more palatable.
January 13, 2025
My first book of 2025!
It’s hard for me to commit to a book, since this one contains multiple short stories it was easier. I could pick it up whenever I wanted, this is why it took me a year to finish it.
The book tells the stories of many couples who went through couples counselling. Sometimes it was boring or complicated or frustrating, which is exactly what the author wanted to portray. The realness of these sessions. Very nice book to switch to if you need variety while reading!
It’s hard for me to commit to a book, since this one contains multiple short stories it was easier. I could pick it up whenever I wanted, this is why it took me a year to finish it.
The book tells the stories of many couples who went through couples counselling. Sometimes it was boring or complicated or frustrating, which is exactly what the author wanted to portray. The realness of these sessions. Very nice book to switch to if you need variety while reading!
November 10, 2022
Fascinating insights into all the experiences that shape and trouble human relationships. Loved it.
July 3, 2023
Relationships and their analyses from the therapist room: the recipe for my perfect read.
Very similar to “ behind the scene” books like Maybe You Should Talk to Someone or When Breath Becomes Air
Give me more..
Very similar to “ behind the scene” books like Maybe You Should Talk to Someone or When Breath Becomes Air
Give me more..
October 18, 2024
I absolutely loved it!!
March 29, 2022
Other people’s stories, aligned with myth and fairy tale, interpreted 4.5 rating, raised
I love listening to people’s family stories, perceiving the patterns we weave in our lives, and also, the deep resonance in childhood myths and fairytale.
So I was bound to leap at the chance to request this one, and be delighted by it.
Susanna Abse is a psychotherapist, who specialises in couple therapy.
These are recounting of disguised and conglomerate cases, so confidentiality is protected this way. What she has done, in connecting the type of myth or childhood story which is being presented in specific cases she dealt with, is to be able to merge and slightly change detail which might otherwise give a client a horrid shock, if they should by chance read a case they could clearly identify as their own.
As Abse points out, at the heart of fairy tales, transformations are often key.Transformation is often also what brings people to therapy and analysis – suffering and blocks which we need to move through or beyond
“The longing for transformation is at the heart of what brings people to therapy. Just as it is as the heart of the fairy tale, where a happy outcome is achieved only after the central character overcomes huge obstacles and adversity”
Obviously, psychotherapy, unlike fairy tale, cannot guarantee ‘happy outcome’, but accommodation and self-realisation, the freeing from the shackles of unaddressed repetition, may be enough
Abse writes most clearly and engagingly. Like my favourite writer in this genre, Irvin Yalom, Abse reveals the authenticity of her encounters, and picks into the rigorous SELF analysis a practitioner must bring to their work.
I’m always fascinated by how the observer affects outcomes – and indeed is part of the outcomes.
This is a far cry from therapeutic encounters which seem to view ‘the patient’ as someone to be clinically dissected. Instead, Abse is warmly engaged with the difficult journeys her clients are on. Inevitably, some journeys are more happily travelled by the therapist than others, sometimes these clients, and this therapist easier travelling companions than others.
A fascinating and engaging read, thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for allowing me access to this as a digital ARC
I love listening to people’s family stories, perceiving the patterns we weave in our lives, and also, the deep resonance in childhood myths and fairytale.
So I was bound to leap at the chance to request this one, and be delighted by it.
Susanna Abse is a psychotherapist, who specialises in couple therapy.
These are recounting of disguised and conglomerate cases, so confidentiality is protected this way. What she has done, in connecting the type of myth or childhood story which is being presented in specific cases she dealt with, is to be able to merge and slightly change detail which might otherwise give a client a horrid shock, if they should by chance read a case they could clearly identify as their own.
As Abse points out, at the heart of fairy tales, transformations are often key.Transformation is often also what brings people to therapy and analysis – suffering and blocks which we need to move through or beyond
“The longing for transformation is at the heart of what brings people to therapy. Just as it is as the heart of the fairy tale, where a happy outcome is achieved only after the central character overcomes huge obstacles and adversity”
Obviously, psychotherapy, unlike fairy tale, cannot guarantee ‘happy outcome’, but accommodation and self-realisation, the freeing from the shackles of unaddressed repetition, may be enough
Abse writes most clearly and engagingly. Like my favourite writer in this genre, Irvin Yalom, Abse reveals the authenticity of her encounters, and picks into the rigorous SELF analysis a practitioner must bring to their work.
I’m always fascinated by how the observer affects outcomes – and indeed is part of the outcomes.
This is a far cry from therapeutic encounters which seem to view ‘the patient’ as someone to be clinically dissected. Instead, Abse is warmly engaged with the difficult journeys her clients are on. Inevitably, some journeys are more happily travelled by the therapist than others, sometimes these clients, and this therapist easier travelling companions than others.
A fascinating and engaging read, thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for allowing me access to this as a digital ARC
July 20, 2024
to love is a risk, especially with our fragility as humans. there is so much to learn from the stories shared by Susanna, all of which find human fragility at their centre. we all have our separate experiences that make us who we are, and to truly love is to allow ourselves to create a shared understanding of these truths with each other.
I appreciated the way that this was structured, with the reality of therapy conveyed clearly: not all therapy ends with happy endings! sometimes, in fact most of the time, it ends with little information as to how things will progress going forward, but hope for better regardless.
gaining insight into the therapist's role in the dynamic between couples in therapy - the added third party that is responsive and reactive to the couple as individuals as well as to their dynamic - was a surprising yet perhaps seemingly obvious revelation. therapists are human. they have human responses: they get annoyed, frustrated, confused, and saddened. all of which is painfully obvious once stated, but something I don’t think we give enough attention to.
something I'd never considered is how therapy is political - "its manifesto values the importance of human relationships much more than money or success". perhaps we can all shift our priorities in some way to recognise the value of human connection (which is hard within a society that deems productivity and 'success' as more important) and how much we can thrive collectively when we prioritise community.
I appreciated the way that this was structured, with the reality of therapy conveyed clearly: not all therapy ends with happy endings! sometimes, in fact most of the time, it ends with little information as to how things will progress going forward, but hope for better regardless.
gaining insight into the therapist's role in the dynamic between couples in therapy - the added third party that is responsive and reactive to the couple as individuals as well as to their dynamic - was a surprising yet perhaps seemingly obvious revelation. therapists are human. they have human responses: they get annoyed, frustrated, confused, and saddened. all of which is painfully obvious once stated, but something I don’t think we give enough attention to.
something I'd never considered is how therapy is political - "its manifesto values the importance of human relationships much more than money or success". perhaps we can all shift our priorities in some way to recognise the value of human connection (which is hard within a society that deems productivity and 'success' as more important) and how much we can thrive collectively when we prioritise community.
May 21, 2022
This was a complete shake up for me and something completely different . My partners mum is a couples therapist so I loved the opportunity to have a glimpse into this world.
This is a beautiful curated book of essays, each essay being based around a couples individual issue or concerns and how/ if it was resolved. Some couples did not have resolutions and some changed their view point and were able to take away a lot of new ideas.
I loved the way the author used the idea of fairy tales as an alternative way of describing the problem the couples faced .
It was so unique and I can’t really think of anything to compare this book to. I think whether you are single, in a new couple or have been with you partner for decades there is something for everyone to take away from this book.
It teaches in an informal , relaxed way that doesn’t feel like a lecture but more like a friendly conversation and shows you not only why we fall in love but how important it is to take a step back and look at relationships in a whole new light.
The only thing I didn’t particularly like is that the story’s didn’t show a lot of emotional connection to the people and it felt a little detached at times. I think this is due to the fact that the author/ therapist had to be detached to a degree during the sessions and that had transferred into the writing a little bit.
Thank you very much @netgalley and @eburybooks for the opportunity to read this book 😍
This is a beautiful curated book of essays, each essay being based around a couples individual issue or concerns and how/ if it was resolved. Some couples did not have resolutions and some changed their view point and were able to take away a lot of new ideas.
I loved the way the author used the idea of fairy tales as an alternative way of describing the problem the couples faced .
It was so unique and I can’t really think of anything to compare this book to. I think whether you are single, in a new couple or have been with you partner for decades there is something for everyone to take away from this book.
It teaches in an informal , relaxed way that doesn’t feel like a lecture but more like a friendly conversation and shows you not only why we fall in love but how important it is to take a step back and look at relationships in a whole new light.
The only thing I didn’t particularly like is that the story’s didn’t show a lot of emotional connection to the people and it felt a little detached at times. I think this is due to the fact that the author/ therapist had to be detached to a degree during the sessions and that had transferred into the writing a little bit.
Thank you very much @netgalley and @eburybooks for the opportunity to read this book 😍
December 11, 2024
(Audiobook review) An insightful read (listen) of a variety of real-life relationships that are in the midst of receiving couples therapy from Abse. Abse also narrates, having a great way of delivering a compassionate and nonjudgmental approach that makes the lessons feel relatable and applicable to your own relationship.
I wonder how detailed her notes of her sessions are as she recounts what was said by the couples with such detail that it makes me wonder if she'd plan to write a book all long!
What can be learnt here, which sounds obvious but not always easily practised, is the importance of honest communication, the need for empathy, and having a solid amount of self-awareness.
Abse expresses that love is not just about finding the right partner but also about ongoing effort, compromise, and self-growth, a sincere willingness to be vulnerable and open, and a dependancy on both partners' commitment to change.
A decent resource for those of us navigating the complexities of love. (3.5)
I wonder how detailed her notes of her sessions are as she recounts what was said by the couples with such detail that it makes me wonder if she'd plan to write a book all long!
What can be learnt here, which sounds obvious but not always easily practised, is the importance of honest communication, the need for empathy, and having a solid amount of self-awareness.
Abse expresses that love is not just about finding the right partner but also about ongoing effort, compromise, and self-growth, a sincere willingness to be vulnerable and open, and a dependancy on both partners' commitment to change.
A decent resource for those of us navigating the complexities of love. (3.5)
February 15, 2024
A fascinating non fiction book outlining 13 different experiences of a wide range of couples in couple therapy, all at different stages of their relationships, but with one thing in common - they need help negotiating their way through a difficult period. All the couples remain anonymous and the stories can be delved in and out of at your leisure. It makes for interesting reading, whether you are coupled up or single. The stories are all very relatable, but frustratingly, we don't find out the outcome for them. I suppose this is just as true for the therapist once the sessions end. Sensitive and emotional I places, Abse demonstrates the complexity of relationships. #tellmethetruthaboutlove #susannaabse #netgalley #nonfiction
May 26, 2022
⭐️ 4.0/ 5.0
Susanna Abse is a psychoanalytic therapist with extensive experience in couple therapy and mental health, and her book, Tell Me the Truth About Love, illustrates 13 stories in her consulting room. I absolutely love most of the stories in this book, and it provides a “completed cycle” of every relationship, from being in love to deciding to have a family or falling out of love. The book is well-written with not just Susanna’s experiences in the field, but also her opinions and occasional knowledge share. This book reminds me the other book “Maybe You Should Talk to Someone” but with a focus in love and relationship. I enjoyed the story a lot, especially the ones with projection (Kristof Keeps Kissing the Frog) and pandemic chaos (Gabrielle and Johannes Blow the Straw House Down and Then Do Some Rebuilding). The book also presents the personal growth of Susanna over the years, from a trainee to a well-known name in the field. Overall, if you like good stories (who doesn’t), this book is for you.
Highly recommend this one to non-fiction lovers, and it probably would prevent some couples from going through couple therapy.
Thank you NetGalley and the publisher for this ARC, and I provide my review voluntarily.
Susanna Abse is a psychoanalytic therapist with extensive experience in couple therapy and mental health, and her book, Tell Me the Truth About Love, illustrates 13 stories in her consulting room. I absolutely love most of the stories in this book, and it provides a “completed cycle” of every relationship, from being in love to deciding to have a family or falling out of love. The book is well-written with not just Susanna’s experiences in the field, but also her opinions and occasional knowledge share. This book reminds me the other book “Maybe You Should Talk to Someone” but with a focus in love and relationship. I enjoyed the story a lot, especially the ones with projection (Kristof Keeps Kissing the Frog) and pandemic chaos (Gabrielle and Johannes Blow the Straw House Down and Then Do Some Rebuilding). The book also presents the personal growth of Susanna over the years, from a trainee to a well-known name in the field. Overall, if you like good stories (who doesn’t), this book is for you.
Highly recommend this one to non-fiction lovers, and it probably would prevent some couples from going through couple therapy.
Thank you NetGalley and the publisher for this ARC, and I provide my review voluntarily.
May 23, 2022
A fascinating insight into different relationships and how they are dealt with. My only quibble is the intended tie to fairytales that each chapter is supposed to revolve around. Some were only vaguely attached to one of these stories, whilst others had almost no relation to the headlined story. It felt rather unnecessary and the book would have still been able to hold itself up without this slightly gimmicky endorsement. Other than that, I would highly recommend this!
April 19, 2022
Short and simple read. I enjoyed the short stories and situations chosen and discussed.
I think they where carefully chosen and thoroughly explained for anyone of any standard knowledge to understand without needing to invest too much time.
Thank you to the publishers for sending me this in exchange for an honest review.
I think they where carefully chosen and thoroughly explained for anyone of any standard knowledge to understand without needing to invest too much time.
Thank you to the publishers for sending me this in exchange for an honest review.
June 13, 2025
3.75/5
November 1, 2023
Susanna Abse praktiziert seit mehr als drei Jahrzehnten als psychoanalytische Therapeutin. So konnte sie vielen Menschen auf ihrem Leidensweg begleiten und unterstützend zur Seite stehen. In diesem Sachbuch widmet sie sich insbesondere den Themen Liebe und Beziehung, die in ihrer Praxis als Paartherapeutin Anwendung fanden. Genauer schildert sie dreizehn Fälle aus eigener Erfahrung.
Sachbücher gehören zu meinen bevorzugten Buchgenres, auch wenn ich sie viel weniger häufig lese als beispielsweise Romane oder Kurzgeschichten. Nun war es aber wieder soweit und ich habe mich an ein Thema herangewagt, das ich nicht unbedingt favorisiere: der Paartherapie. Ich habe selbst keinerlei Erfahrungen und würde auch nicht behaupten, dass ich mich grundsätzlich dafür interessiere. Dennoch hat mich »verlangen, leiden, hoffen, lieben« gereizt. Susanna Abse ist seit mehr als dreißig Jahren Therapeutin und beschreibt in ihrem Buch ihren Berufsalltag und legt den Fokus dabei auf dreizehn Beispiele aus ihrer Praxis.
Den Schreibstil empfand ich als durchaus angenehm, der Inhalt ließ sich meist flüssig weg lesen. Die einzelnen Kapitel sind unterschiedlich lang, hin und wieder erschienen sie mir doch recht langatmig, was den Lesefluss vereinzelt etwas hemmte. Die wiedergegebenen Therapiesitzungen ihrer ehemaligen Patient:innen und diese selbst beschreibt Susanna Abse sehr emotional und nahbar. Ich fühlte mich auch häufig in ihre Praxis versetzt. Äußerst negativ empfand ich leider die groben Schnitzer im Text. Teilweise werden Worte falsch angewandt oder Komma-Stellen finden sich mitten im Wort.
Das lässt die Frage zu, was da beim Lektorat schief lief. Sehr schade, denn das fiel äußerst störend auf. Den Leser:innen und Autor:innen gegenüber empfinde ich es als nicht sehr wertschätzend, das ein Buch von nicht einmal 300 Seiten vom Verlag so herausgegeben wird. Die meisten Menschen zahlen Geld für Bücher und die Schriftsteller:innen schreiben mit Mühe ihre Texte. Leider hinterließ das bei mir einen faden Beigeschmack. Ich möchte anmerken, dass es sich in meinem Fall um ein Rezensionsexemplar handelt, sodass ich nicht weiß, ob dies auch das finale Exemplar ist, welches schlussendlich im Buchladen käuflich erworben werden kann.
Ein weiterer kleiner Kritikpunkt ist die Aussage der Autorin gegen Ende, in denen sie ein übergewichtiges Paar meines Erachtens nach auf unschöne Weise beschreibt. Zitat: „Irgendwann hörte ich Schritte, und schon purzelten beide die Treppe hinunter und in mein Behandlungszimmer. Ihr Körperumfang erschreckte mich. Sie schienen eine Menge Raum einzunehmen, und ich fühlte mich durch ihre Präsenz plötzlich überfordert.“ Sicher handelt es sich dabei um ihre ganz persönlichen Gedanken, dennoch missfiel mir die Ausdrucksweise. Allgemein ein interessantes Sachbuch mit gutem Schreibstil, interessanten Fakten zur Paartherapie und emotionalen Einflüssen. Aber auch ein nicht immer gut getroffener Ton und mangelhafte Lektoratsarbeit.
Ein solides Buch das tiefe Einblicke in die Praxis einer Paartherapeutin gewährt. Leider haben die vielen Fehler im Buch überhand genommen, sodass nie ein Lesevergnügen entstehen konnte und ich am Ende froh war, das Buch beendet zu haben.
Sachbücher gehören zu meinen bevorzugten Buchgenres, auch wenn ich sie viel weniger häufig lese als beispielsweise Romane oder Kurzgeschichten. Nun war es aber wieder soweit und ich habe mich an ein Thema herangewagt, das ich nicht unbedingt favorisiere: der Paartherapie. Ich habe selbst keinerlei Erfahrungen und würde auch nicht behaupten, dass ich mich grundsätzlich dafür interessiere. Dennoch hat mich »verlangen, leiden, hoffen, lieben« gereizt. Susanna Abse ist seit mehr als dreißig Jahren Therapeutin und beschreibt in ihrem Buch ihren Berufsalltag und legt den Fokus dabei auf dreizehn Beispiele aus ihrer Praxis.
Den Schreibstil empfand ich als durchaus angenehm, der Inhalt ließ sich meist flüssig weg lesen. Die einzelnen Kapitel sind unterschiedlich lang, hin und wieder erschienen sie mir doch recht langatmig, was den Lesefluss vereinzelt etwas hemmte. Die wiedergegebenen Therapiesitzungen ihrer ehemaligen Patient:innen und diese selbst beschreibt Susanna Abse sehr emotional und nahbar. Ich fühlte mich auch häufig in ihre Praxis versetzt. Äußerst negativ empfand ich leider die groben Schnitzer im Text. Teilweise werden Worte falsch angewandt oder Komma-Stellen finden sich mitten im Wort.
Das lässt die Frage zu, was da beim Lektorat schief lief. Sehr schade, denn das fiel äußerst störend auf. Den Leser:innen und Autor:innen gegenüber empfinde ich es als nicht sehr wertschätzend, das ein Buch von nicht einmal 300 Seiten vom Verlag so herausgegeben wird. Die meisten Menschen zahlen Geld für Bücher und die Schriftsteller:innen schreiben mit Mühe ihre Texte. Leider hinterließ das bei mir einen faden Beigeschmack. Ich möchte anmerken, dass es sich in meinem Fall um ein Rezensionsexemplar handelt, sodass ich nicht weiß, ob dies auch das finale Exemplar ist, welches schlussendlich im Buchladen käuflich erworben werden kann.
Ein weiterer kleiner Kritikpunkt ist die Aussage der Autorin gegen Ende, in denen sie ein übergewichtiges Paar meines Erachtens nach auf unschöne Weise beschreibt. Zitat: „Irgendwann hörte ich Schritte, und schon purzelten beide die Treppe hinunter und in mein Behandlungszimmer. Ihr Körperumfang erschreckte mich. Sie schienen eine Menge Raum einzunehmen, und ich fühlte mich durch ihre Präsenz plötzlich überfordert.“ Sicher handelt es sich dabei um ihre ganz persönlichen Gedanken, dennoch missfiel mir die Ausdrucksweise. Allgemein ein interessantes Sachbuch mit gutem Schreibstil, interessanten Fakten zur Paartherapie und emotionalen Einflüssen. Aber auch ein nicht immer gut getroffener Ton und mangelhafte Lektoratsarbeit.
Ein solides Buch das tiefe Einblicke in die Praxis einer Paartherapeutin gewährt. Leider haben die vielen Fehler im Buch überhand genommen, sodass nie ein Lesevergnügen entstehen konnte und ich am Ende froh war, das Buch beendet zu haben.
April 11, 2022
Free courtesy of Netgalley
I really found this book fascinating, especially as i have started studying psychology.
Listening to stories about people who go to couples therapy and why, was an insight into people's relationships that you can resonate with.
Even though there is no "happy ending" as mostly Susanna doesn't know what happens to the families when they finish therapy. It was still a delightful book to read.
I would definitely recommend this book to read
I really found this book fascinating, especially as i have started studying psychology.
Listening to stories about people who go to couples therapy and why, was an insight into people's relationships that you can resonate with.
Even though there is no "happy ending" as mostly Susanna doesn't know what happens to the families when they finish therapy. It was still a delightful book to read.
I would definitely recommend this book to read
March 19, 2022
An interesting and carefully chosen sample of couples used in this read with a thoughtful insight. Did expect a bit more, although I appreciate the author at the end apologies for the odd lack of detail- I think I am just too nosey!
June 21, 2022
In Tell Me The Truth About Love, Susanna Abse draws upon thirty-plus years of couples therapy to present thirteen case studies about love, relationships and what makes them go wrong (and sometimes, go right again). Abse makes it clear that not only names have been changed, but the stories themselves are fictitious, albeit based on actual experiences. The book is divided into three sections. The first speaks of human fragility, and the way in which in love, “we armour ourselves against this fragility because we are afraid”. The second section speaks of betrayal – how it rocks the foundations of a relationship but, in some cases, can be followed by healing and a closer bond. The final segment is about the relationship between couples and their own (or the partners’ respective) children. The respective sections present case studies in individual chapters, each inspired by a fairytale which hints at the universality of the challenges faced by the couples seeking therapy.
Is this a relationship manual? Not really, and it’s not a self-help book either. However, it provides some striking insights which should be of value to anyone who is in or has ever been in a relationship with a significant other. It also found it interesting to follow a psychotherapist “in action” and understand better how this profession works. There are some poignant moments as Abse shares her satisfaction at a successful session or, on the other hand, the frustration when certain couples terminate their therapy with any sense of “closure”. There is also a topical element to the book, as Abse shows the added difficulties of therapy over Zoom in the midst of a raging pandemic.
I must admit that this is not my usual kind of book, but I found it an engaging, helpful and, ultimately, hopeful read.
https://endsoftheword.blogspot.com/20...
Is this a relationship manual? Not really, and it’s not a self-help book either. However, it provides some striking insights which should be of value to anyone who is in or has ever been in a relationship with a significant other. It also found it interesting to follow a psychotherapist “in action” and understand better how this profession works. There are some poignant moments as Abse shares her satisfaction at a successful session or, on the other hand, the frustration when certain couples terminate their therapy with any sense of “closure”. There is also a topical element to the book, as Abse shows the added difficulties of therapy over Zoom in the midst of a raging pandemic.
I must admit that this is not my usual kind of book, but I found it an engaging, helpful and, ultimately, hopeful read.
https://endsoftheword.blogspot.com/20...
March 17, 2022
As both a counsellor and a human being I learnt a lot from this generous collection of vignettes on love. I particularly appreciated the difference in behaviours in clients when they are on Zoom instead of in the therapist's office. The lack of an embodied experience made it easier for the couples to act out. I also loved the discussions around projection and projective identification. Susanna, the author, is so honest and fully present in all the encounters without any of the grandiosity that you find in Irving Yalom's case studies. I feel this accessible collection transcends the genre it is written in.
May 30, 2022
Excellent primer for budding couples therapists with a psychoanalytical mindset. I really liked the lack of neat conclusions.
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April 21, 2025Melhores trechos: "...O objetivo da terapia é fazer a pessoa refletir sobre os assuntos difíceis, suportar os sentimentos, tolerar o incômodo e enfrentar os medos... Na maioria dos relacionamentos, os dois adultos passam por um processo gradativo de desilusão e separação. A lua de mel termina e a vida real começa. De repente, já não se está vivendo com aquela pessoa ideal, mas com alguém mais real, com seu próprio ponto de vista e necessidades distintas. Essa desilusão pode anunciar o fim de um relacionamento ou ser o começo de uma nova fase. Em geral, traz a sensação de uma perda dolorosa, e o casal pode passar anos e anos elaborando esse desapontamento, a caminho de uma visão mais realista do que aquela relação pode oferecer. Essa fase certamente é menos romântica, mas, para muitos casais, também é o prenúncio de uma intimidade maior, porque é mais verdadeira e porque a intimidade e a proximidade são sempre favorecidas quando os parceiros se sentem compreendidos... São múltiplas as razões pelas quais as pessoas têm aventuras amorosas, mas, pela minha experiência, é comum que isso tenha a ver com algo que acontece entre o casal. Um caso extraconjugal pode ser uma resposta a um problema com que o casal não consegue lidar junto e, às vezes, os atos de traição servem como um alerta. Por outro lado, pode ser uma resposta à redução do apego a um parceiro e uma transição para sair do relacionamento e ir em direção a algo novo... Fazer mudanças e enfrentar os fantasmas que assombram e moldam nossa vida são coisas difíceis de fazer, e a maioria de nós encontra maneiras de não olhar muito a fundo. Parece que preferimos deslizar a foto para a direita, arranjar um novo amor, tomar uma bebida, comprar um vestido novo ou, simplesmente, fingir que não enxergamos. A sociedade nos estimula a andar depressa porque andar devagar custa dinheiro. Até o serviço de saúde mental do National Health Service gosta da 'soluç��o rápida' da terapia cognitivo-comportamental, apesar de sua incapacidade de 'solucionar' os problemas de muita gente. Em vez disso, os pacientes dão voltas e mais voltas pelo sistema, numa busca desesperada por algo que a terapia de curto prazo não tem como oferecer... Muitos casais, depois de terem filhos, perdem a ligação. Muitas vezes, esse problema está relacionado a um sentimento de que a intimidade entre os dois é uma exclusão cruel para os filhos. E, quando têm um único filho, esse problema pode ser ainda pior. A vida familiar passa a girar em torno da criança e de suas necessidades, mas, quando o filho ou a filha saem de casa (e, nessa situação, eles costumam levar muito mais tempo para sair), o casal se vê sem um relacionamento a que recorrer... Todos os casais têm que aprender a aceitar as limitações de seu relacionamento. Alguns tentam lidar com as decepções evitando as coisas, ou encontrando consolo em outros lugares. Outros, como Reggie e Lawrence, parecem travar uma longa batalha passional para conseguir o que desejam, e, de certo modo, essas batalhas mantêm os parceiros muito absortos um no outro. A maioria dos casais, com o passar dos anos, para com a maioria das brigas. Os processos naturais do envelhecimento nos tornam mais cientes do custo desses conflitos, e, cansados das batalhas, aceitamos aos poucos a pessoa amada como ela realmente é, e reconhecemos que algumas coisas simplesmente são como são. Por isso, o casal reduz suas expectativas em relação ao outro e, quando isso acontece, há menos desapontamento e mais capacidade de cada um apreciar e agradecer pelo que se tem..."
February 24, 2025
Miłość – temat, który fascynuje, inspiruje, ale i budzi lęk. Czy można ją zrozumieć? A może skazani jesteśmy na ciągłe powtarzanie tych samych błędów? Susanna Abse, ceniona terapeutka par, podejmuje się niełatwego zadania rozwikłania zagadki miłości w swojej książce „Opowiedzcie mi o miłości. Jak się zakochujemy i dlaczego się rozstajemy”.
Książka to zbiór trzynastu historii par, które podjęły próbę naprawienia swoich relacji na terapii. Każda opowieść to odrębna lekcja, w której autorka, bazując na swoim wieloletnim doświadczeniu, analizuje mechanizmy rządzące naszymi uczuciami. Nie ma tu jednak prostych odpowiedzi – Abse nie narzuca gotowych rozwiązań, a jedynie nakreśla mapę emocji, pozwalając nam na samodzielne wyciągnięcie wniosków.
To, co wyróżnia tę książkę, to niezwykła empatia i głębokość analizy. Autorka nie tylko opisuje problemy w związkach, ale również wskazuje ich źródła, często sięgające dzieciństwa. Ukazuje, jak powielamy wzorce wyniesione z rodzinnych domów i jak nieświadomie powtarzamy błędy naszych rodziców. To bolesna, ale jednocześnie niezwykle ważna refleksja, bo jak inaczej nauczyć się budować zdrowe relacje, jeśli nie poprzez zrozumienie samego siebie?
Abse nie unika też w swoim reportażu trudnych tematów, porusza kwestie zdrady, problemów komunikacyjnych czy różnic w podejściu do rodzicielstwa. Każda historia to emocjonalny rollercoaster, który porusza, skłania do przemyśleń i uświadamia, jak skomplikowana jest ludzka psychika. Autorka nie boi się również przyznać do swoich terapeutycznych porażek, co czyni jej narrację jeszcze bardziej autentyczną.
Abse nie obiecuje nam, że w kliku prostych krokach znajdziemy receptę na szczęśliwy związek. To raczej zaproszenie do rozmowy – zarówno z partnerem, jak i samym sobą. Jej styl pisania jest niezwykle przystępny – brak tu trudnej terminologii czy akademickiego języka. Dzięki temu lekturę można pochłonąć niemal jednym tchem, mimo że tematyka wymaga refleksji i skupienia.
Czy książka ma jakieś wady? Jeśli już, to jedynie to, że pozostawia niedosyt – chciałoby się więcej takich historii, więcej refleksji, więcej odpowiedzi na pytania, które pojawiają się w trakcie lektury.
„Opowiedzcie mi o miłości” to reportaż dla każdego, kto był, jest lub zamierza być zakochany. Dla tych, którzy zmagają się z problemami w związku, ale także dla tych, którzy chcą lepiej zrozumieć siebie i swoje emocje. Bo choć miłość jest skomplikowana, to zrozumienie jej mechanizmów może pomóc nam przeżywać ją świadomiej i pełniej.
To lektura obowiązkowa dla wszystkich, którzy chcą zrozumieć, dlaczego kochamy i dlaczego czasem nie potrafimy tej miłości utrzymać.
Dziękuję za zaufanie i egzemplarz do recenzji od wydawnictwa @znak_literanova @wydawnictwoznakpl (współpraca reklamowa) 🩷.
Książka to zbiór trzynastu historii par, które podjęły próbę naprawienia swoich relacji na terapii. Każda opowieść to odrębna lekcja, w której autorka, bazując na swoim wieloletnim doświadczeniu, analizuje mechanizmy rządzące naszymi uczuciami. Nie ma tu jednak prostych odpowiedzi – Abse nie narzuca gotowych rozwiązań, a jedynie nakreśla mapę emocji, pozwalając nam na samodzielne wyciągnięcie wniosków.
To, co wyróżnia tę książkę, to niezwykła empatia i głębokość analizy. Autorka nie tylko opisuje problemy w związkach, ale również wskazuje ich źródła, często sięgające dzieciństwa. Ukazuje, jak powielamy wzorce wyniesione z rodzinnych domów i jak nieświadomie powtarzamy błędy naszych rodziców. To bolesna, ale jednocześnie niezwykle ważna refleksja, bo jak inaczej nauczyć się budować zdrowe relacje, jeśli nie poprzez zrozumienie samego siebie?
Abse nie unika też w swoim reportażu trudnych tematów, porusza kwestie zdrady, problemów komunikacyjnych czy różnic w podejściu do rodzicielstwa. Każda historia to emocjonalny rollercoaster, który porusza, skłania do przemyśleń i uświadamia, jak skomplikowana jest ludzka psychika. Autorka nie boi się również przyznać do swoich terapeutycznych porażek, co czyni jej narrację jeszcze bardziej autentyczną.
Abse nie obiecuje nam, że w kliku prostych krokach znajdziemy receptę na szczęśliwy związek. To raczej zaproszenie do rozmowy – zarówno z partnerem, jak i samym sobą. Jej styl pisania jest niezwykle przystępny – brak tu trudnej terminologii czy akademickiego języka. Dzięki temu lekturę można pochłonąć niemal jednym tchem, mimo że tematyka wymaga refleksji i skupienia.
Czy książka ma jakieś wady? Jeśli już, to jedynie to, że pozostawia niedosyt – chciałoby się więcej takich historii, więcej refleksji, więcej odpowiedzi na pytania, które pojawiają się w trakcie lektury.
„Opowiedzcie mi o miłości” to reportaż dla każdego, kto był, jest lub zamierza być zakochany. Dla tych, którzy zmagają się z problemami w związku, ale także dla tych, którzy chcą lepiej zrozumieć siebie i swoje emocje. Bo choć miłość jest skomplikowana, to zrozumienie jej mechanizmów może pomóc nam przeżywać ją świadomiej i pełniej.
To lektura obowiązkowa dla wszystkich, którzy chcą zrozumieć, dlaczego kochamy i dlaczego czasem nie potrafimy tej miłości utrzymać.
Dziękuję za zaufanie i egzemplarz do recenzji od wydawnictwa @znak_literanova @wydawnictwoznakpl (współpraca reklamowa) 🩷.
Read
December 10, 2024bro actually why was this book SOOOOOO INTERESTING how amazing for me to find this also bc i felt like i was studying for intro to clin psych even when i was taking a break and reading haha truly SO BLESSED to have such a clear conviction that this is what i am meant to be studying in the world!!!! people!!! and behaviour!!! and thoughts!!! and understanding who ppl are and how they get to who they are? bro. sign me UP! // so much of therapy is rly just REFLECTING what is being said and making observations? "i wonder why you..." "it seems like..." "i'm noticing that..." "when you say..." legit j observing and asking dude and to OPEN that space for convo alsoooo // I LOVE HOW this was written by a legit couples therapist like the stories are REAL LIFE and life is so crazy like that like what do u mean..... // also crazy that CHILDHOOD RLY COMES UP SO MUCH actually we are so moulded unconsciously during childhood and a part of me is always annoyed bc what do u mean we can trace things back to childhood experiences so often like bruh move on.... BUT IT'S TRUE and it is so uncomfortable that it is true bc we hold on to things and experiences so unconsciously and they rly leak into our LIVES without us even realising it // fascinating ppl and chapters actually and the intro of this book alr HOOKED ME with the truth bomb that romantic relationships are one of the few socially acceptable ways of adults to regress back to childhood in the way that couples are so playful and childish with each other sometimes leh, learn to sleep on your own until u get into a rs then share a bed for the rest of your life?!!!!? how is this real bruh // i also love the way that covid was weaved into this like the transition from physical sessions to zoom sessions then going back to physical sessions WOAHHHH how was covid even real dude, and we just survived all of that?! FEVER DREAM. but look at us now and how society adapts dude // OH AND I ALSO LOVE how so many of these journeys kinda remained unresolved or they j fade off and ppl end their sessions abruptly and all bc dude that actually is life ah // really so much reflection on the part of susanna as the practitioner as well and such a level of self awareness required to rly unpack the reactions towards the clients and what that all means... // relationships are actually so crazy like what is this EVEN! and when kids come into the picture??? SO MANY LESSONS but actually all i do is read about relationships and gain theoretical knowledge huh 🐛🦖 // feels like rereading this book wld be good and i j wanna internalise the stories and take notes 🤓 how to get my hands on more therapy books Nowww?!
April 2, 2025
Dzień dobry, moje kochane Moliki 🩷
O miłości można rozprawiać bez końca – to temat rzeka. Śmiem twierdzić, że większość z nas doświadczyła jej na własnej skórze. Możecie podzielić się swoimi miłosnymi doświadczeniami, będzie mi miło 💞
„Kiedy przyglądamy się relacjom miłosnym, ważne jest pytanie o to, czym jest prawda. W ujęciu filozoficznym prawdą jest to, co odpowiada rzeczywistości, ale rzeczywistość jest subiektywna: moja będzie inna niż twoja: twoja – inna niż moja”.
Tytuł: „Opowiedzcie mi o miłości. Jak się zakochujemy i dlaczego się rozstajemy"
Autorka: @susannaabse
Wydawnictwo: @znak_literanova
Moja ocena: 7/10
Sugerując się tytułem, spodziewałam się treści bardziej skupionych na zakochaniu, potrzebie miłości i przyczynach rozstań. Oczekiwałam konkretów, praktycznych informacji, co nie zmienia faktu, że całość mi się finalnie spodobała. Miło spędziłam czas z lekturą. Aspekt zakochania został potraktowany dość pobieżnie, natomiast historie spisane przez terapeutkę par z wieloletnim stażem otworzyły mi oczy na wiele kwestii i poszerzyły moje spojrzenie na relacje międzyludzkie.
Susanna Abse zaprasza czytelnika do swojego gabinetu i pozwala mu przyjąć rolę cichego obserwatora. Dzieli się zawodowym doświadczeniem, przytaczając trzynaście autentycznych historii ze swojej praktyki zawodowej. Przedstawia ludzi, którzy w pewnym momencie swojego życia uznali, że potrzebują pomocy terapeuty par. Okazuje się, że za każdym kryzysem kryje się ukryta rana, która nie pozwala cieszyć się piękną i szczerą miłością. Często te trudne emocje mają swoje źródło w dzieciństwie, a terapeutka, podążając za nitką do kłębka, próbuje rozszyfrować mechanizmy rządzące ludzką psychiką.
Każda z opowieści niesie inny przekaz, ale wszystkie dotyczą miłości – pokazują jej różnorodne oblicza. Mnie szczególnie zainteresowały spostrzeżenia autorki, jej tok myślenia i sposób, w jaki dzieli się specyfiką swojej pracy. Posługuje się prostym, zrozumiałym językiem, dzięki czemu czytelnik ma wrażenie, jakby słuchał opowieści bliskiej osoby. To książka, która może trafić do każdego z nas, niezależnie od etapu życia czy doświadczeń w relacjach.
Miłego dnia 🌷
O miłości można rozprawiać bez końca – to temat rzeka. Śmiem twierdzić, że większość z nas doświadczyła jej na własnej skórze. Możecie podzielić się swoimi miłosnymi doświadczeniami, będzie mi miło 💞
„Kiedy przyglądamy się relacjom miłosnym, ważne jest pytanie o to, czym jest prawda. W ujęciu filozoficznym prawdą jest to, co odpowiada rzeczywistości, ale rzeczywistość jest subiektywna: moja będzie inna niż twoja: twoja – inna niż moja”.
Tytuł: „Opowiedzcie mi o miłości. Jak się zakochujemy i dlaczego się rozstajemy"
Autorka: @susannaabse
Wydawnictwo: @znak_literanova
Moja ocena: 7/10
Sugerując się tytułem, spodziewałam się treści bardziej skupionych na zakochaniu, potrzebie miłości i przyczynach rozstań. Oczekiwałam konkretów, praktycznych informacji, co nie zmienia faktu, że całość mi się finalnie spodobała. Miło spędziłam czas z lekturą. Aspekt zakochania został potraktowany dość pobieżnie, natomiast historie spisane przez terapeutkę par z wieloletnim stażem otworzyły mi oczy na wiele kwestii i poszerzyły moje spojrzenie na relacje międzyludzkie.
Susanna Abse zaprasza czytelnika do swojego gabinetu i pozwala mu przyjąć rolę cichego obserwatora. Dzieli się zawodowym doświadczeniem, przytaczając trzynaście autentycznych historii ze swojej praktyki zawodowej. Przedstawia ludzi, którzy w pewnym momencie swojego życia uznali, że potrzebują pomocy terapeuty par. Okazuje się, że za każdym kryzysem kryje się ukryta rana, która nie pozwala cieszyć się piękną i szczerą miłością. Często te trudne emocje mają swoje źródło w dzieciństwie, a terapeutka, podążając za nitką do kłębka, próbuje rozszyfrować mechanizmy rządzące ludzką psychiką.
Każda z opowieści niesie inny przekaz, ale wszystkie dotyczą miłości – pokazują jej różnorodne oblicza. Mnie szczególnie zainteresowały spostrzeżenia autorki, jej tok myślenia i sposób, w jaki dzieli się specyfiką swojej pracy. Posługuje się prostym, zrozumiałym językiem, dzięki czemu czytelnik ma wrażenie, jakby słuchał opowieści bliskiej osoby. To książka, która może trafić do każdego z nas, niezależnie od etapu życia czy doświadczeń w relacjach.
Miłego dnia 🌷
March 20, 2022
Psychotherapist Susanna Abse draws on her thirty-plus years' experience of helping others to explore, understand and improve their relationships. In this book, she delves into thirteen situations she has encountered, providing insightful details into the workings of the human heart. She examines how whilst love can be the most meaningful part of our lives, it can also be the most challenging.
To say this is a book that ventures into the depths of the human psyche, it is written in a thoroughly readable style. Abse doesn't labour on the specifics of the couples or their relationships. She describes that doing so invalidates the confidential and free-speaking nature of therapy; it isn't a tell-all. It does make sense- after all, they are narratives of real people's lives- instead collating these loose facts around her clients to reinforce the point be emphasised. While this could, for some, feel like it doesn't expand enough, it makes for a lighter tone.
Throughout, Abse uses a respectful but clear view of her clients and their experiences. She shares her own feelings on them, recognising that there isn't always a neat ending to the sessions. For the couples mentioned, there is a good balance of happy endings, amicable separations and sudden stops.
Abse follows a Freudian approach in her therapy style. There are frequent mentions of his works, as well as this being a common direction taken in the sessions- these being discussions of childhood trauma, experiences and memories- then considering how these mirror or impact the client's current situation.
I was perplexed by the occasional reference to a 'fairy tale' tone being incorporated into the book's structure. While it can be said that some of the couple's stories feature elements of these classic tales, they are loose comparisons. For example, describing a client as 'Rapunzel' just because she has long hair. There are some links drawn to the feeling of being trapped but, as with other comparisons, it isn't one you'd notice without someone else highlighting it.
Also, the cover is fantastic.
To say this is a book that ventures into the depths of the human psyche, it is written in a thoroughly readable style. Abse doesn't labour on the specifics of the couples or their relationships. She describes that doing so invalidates the confidential and free-speaking nature of therapy; it isn't a tell-all. It does make sense- after all, they are narratives of real people's lives- instead collating these loose facts around her clients to reinforce the point be emphasised. While this could, for some, feel like it doesn't expand enough, it makes for a lighter tone.
Throughout, Abse uses a respectful but clear view of her clients and their experiences. She shares her own feelings on them, recognising that there isn't always a neat ending to the sessions. For the couples mentioned, there is a good balance of happy endings, amicable separations and sudden stops.
Abse follows a Freudian approach in her therapy style. There are frequent mentions of his works, as well as this being a common direction taken in the sessions- these being discussions of childhood trauma, experiences and memories- then considering how these mirror or impact the client's current situation.
I was perplexed by the occasional reference to a 'fairy tale' tone being incorporated into the book's structure. While it can be said that some of the couple's stories feature elements of these classic tales, they are loose comparisons. For example, describing a client as 'Rapunzel' just because she has long hair. There are some links drawn to the feeling of being trapped but, as with other comparisons, it isn't one you'd notice without someone else highlighting it.
Also, the cover is fantastic.
June 16, 2022
A fascinating, insightful and oh-so-wise look at love, through the eyes of a master psychoanalytic therapist, long versed in the compassionate practice of rooting out “dilemmas we face in relationships, which draw couples together and tear them apart.”
Through the composite sketches provided of thirteen semi-fictional couples, the author draws out universal themes, age-old patterns and defenses, all too easy to fall into in our struggles to mask our fragility and avoid painful feelings - leaving us,unfortunately, mired all the deeper in the inevitable outcome of the “desperation and despair of never feeling understood or safe”.
Still carrying our childhoods, (which may be laden with neglect, trauma, fear, abuse, and shame), we approach our most intimate relationships numbed with alcohol or drugs; protecting, denying, or distorting the shared realities of life with our partners; building walls, repressing our rage, running away, or toxically battling; exhausted and unsupported in facing the challenges of parenthood.
As the author gently and painstakingly ekes out guidance to each of the couples in their journey to their own understanding, it’s impossible for the reader not to be captivated and touched by the insights gleaned - many of which, unfortunately, come too late or not at all for the couples involved.
I could not put this book down.
A riveting and engaging look at the mysterious enigma of love, as it may play out, in all its glory and mayhem, in a world defined and shaped by our uniquely-challenging patterns of experience, this book should be obligatory reading for anyone with an interest in human psychology, psychoanalytic practice or couples therapy.
A great big thank you to the author and the publisher for an ARC of this book. All thoughts provided are my own.
Through the composite sketches provided of thirteen semi-fictional couples, the author draws out universal themes, age-old patterns and defenses, all too easy to fall into in our struggles to mask our fragility and avoid painful feelings - leaving us,unfortunately, mired all the deeper in the inevitable outcome of the “desperation and despair of never feeling understood or safe”.
Still carrying our childhoods, (which may be laden with neglect, trauma, fear, abuse, and shame), we approach our most intimate relationships numbed with alcohol or drugs; protecting, denying, or distorting the shared realities of life with our partners; building walls, repressing our rage, running away, or toxically battling; exhausted and unsupported in facing the challenges of parenthood.
As the author gently and painstakingly ekes out guidance to each of the couples in their journey to their own understanding, it’s impossible for the reader not to be captivated and touched by the insights gleaned - many of which, unfortunately, come too late or not at all for the couples involved.
I could not put this book down.
A riveting and engaging look at the mysterious enigma of love, as it may play out, in all its glory and mayhem, in a world defined and shaped by our uniquely-challenging patterns of experience, this book should be obligatory reading for anyone with an interest in human psychology, psychoanalytic practice or couples therapy.
A great big thank you to the author and the publisher for an ARC of this book. All thoughts provided are my own.
October 26, 2022
— 𝐁𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐑𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐞𝐰 —
𝐓𝐢𝐭𝐥𝐞: Tell Me The Truth About Love
𝐒𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬: N/A
𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫(𝐬): Susanna Abse
𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: Nonfiction
𝐃𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐏𝐮𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐝: 19th May 2022
𝐑𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠: 4.25/5
”Neither of you are going to be able to meet each other’s desires completely but the relationship exists in the trying.”
Well, I enjoyed this immensely.
For some context: I am training to be a mental health nurse and as this collection of short informal essays is centered around psychoanalytic therapy, my interest is highly piqued. This fundamental interest helped me enjoy the insight into the world of couple therapy so much more.
I found that the narration was gentle and exploratory, yet it did not shy away from the ugly experiences of being in a couple. Which is identical to the therapy sessions within the book. It was full of reflections, insight and of course, analysis. I enjoyed many of the theories explored including projective identification, the theory of why we choose certain partners for ourselves, why people have affairs. I thought that although this book was educational, it didn’t feel like a lecture, nor was it an info-dump. It was intelligently written with a wealth of experience that cannot be ignored.
Of course, this book focuses on the psychological aspects to relationships, and as a student nurse, I was taught to look at a person ‘holistically’. So whilst this was an incredibly fascinating insight, I found that childhood trauma was focused on really intently and it felt like the biological and social influences that can impact a couple were being dismissed in search of a greater and deeper meaning.
🧚🏻♀️
♡ my bookstagram • my twitter ♡
↑ follow my socials for more bookish content. ↑
𝐓𝐢𝐭𝐥𝐞: Tell Me The Truth About Love
𝐒𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬: N/A
𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫(𝐬): Susanna Abse
𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: Nonfiction
𝐃𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐏𝐮𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐝: 19th May 2022
𝐑𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠: 4.25/5
”Neither of you are going to be able to meet each other’s desires completely but the relationship exists in the trying.”
Well, I enjoyed this immensely.
For some context: I am training to be a mental health nurse and as this collection of short informal essays is centered around psychoanalytic therapy, my interest is highly piqued. This fundamental interest helped me enjoy the insight into the world of couple therapy so much more.
I found that the narration was gentle and exploratory, yet it did not shy away from the ugly experiences of being in a couple. Which is identical to the therapy sessions within the book. It was full of reflections, insight and of course, analysis. I enjoyed many of the theories explored including projective identification, the theory of why we choose certain partners for ourselves, why people have affairs. I thought that although this book was educational, it didn’t feel like a lecture, nor was it an info-dump. It was intelligently written with a wealth of experience that cannot be ignored.
Of course, this book focuses on the psychological aspects to relationships, and as a student nurse, I was taught to look at a person ‘holistically’. So whilst this was an incredibly fascinating insight, I found that childhood trauma was focused on really intently and it felt like the biological and social influences that can impact a couple were being dismissed in search of a greater and deeper meaning.
🧚🏻♀️
♡ my bookstagram • my twitter ♡
↑ follow my socials for more bookish content. ↑
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