Screen-Smart Parenting: How to Find Balance and Benefit in Your Child's Use of Social Media, Apps, and Digital Devices

by Jodi Gold, Tory Burch (Foreword)

As a practicing child psychiatrist and mother of three, Jodi Gold has a unique understanding of both the mind-boggling benefits and the serious downsides of technology. Dr. Gold weaves together scientific knowledge and everyday practical advice to help you foster your child's healthy relationship to technology, from birth to the teen years. You'll

*How much screen time is too much at different ages.
*What your kids and teens are actually doing in all those hours online.
*How technology affects social, emotional, and cognitive development.
*Which apps and games build smarts and let creativity shine.
*How your own media habits influence your children.
*What you need to know about privacy concerns, cyberbullying, and other dangers.
*Ways to set limits that the whole family can live with.

Winner (Second Place)— American Journal of Nursing Book of the Year Award, Child Health Category

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Psychology

314 pages, Paperback

First published October 17, 2014

Reviews

[Katherine · Rating 3 out of 5]

The information in here is sensible enough but not as...advanced as what I was looking for, maybe? I think it's better suited for parents that feel bewildered by the internet and smartphones. If you:
* feel comfortable with your own relationship and usage of technology
* are already on board and practice "technology is a tool" as a philosophy
* don't worry whether you're "addicted" yourself
* are willing and able to carry through your parenting choices in the face of the peer pressure your kid might get (aka for me, I was thinking about only letting the kid get a smartphone once they were able to pay for it themselves, and even then text messaging etc. capabilities would be limited)

then I don't think you'd learn much new stuff here.

It's definitely written with the tone and perspective of a psychiatrist. This is a negative in the intro because it gets into describing psychology theories that most people probably aren't that interested in the vocabulary for, but actually was then the more interesting parts in later chapters when sharing situations that her patients have been in.

The two most new-to-me/useful pieces I'm taking away from this are:
1. It's ok and not an invasion of privacy to have pretty tight monitoring of your kids' online accounts and text messaging communications, up to viewing everything and having the passwords, at least at the start, as part of making sure you keep a closer eye on things as they learn to internalize guidelines of how to behave and use them. It's not a lack of trust but an acknowledgement that the kid is in a new environment that needs some guidance and safety rails.
2. Use a strategy of having the kid first work on homework that doesn't require a computer, then homework that doesn't require the internet, and save homework needing the internet for last as it's the most distracting.

[Chain Reading · Rating 5 out of 5]

In my upper middle class suburb, parents are very distrustful of technology, and often seem to compete with one another about who allows their children less, without really understanding what the research shows about the benefits and risks. I don't think all of their concerns are about mental health - some families just don't like that kind of pop culture. This is a book for people who are OK with technology culturally but want to make sure it's not harmful. I appreciate the emphasis on gradual loosening of limits - I think too often these days we forbid our kids things with blanket rules until a certain age, and then they suddenly have no rules - it makes no sense! There needs to be more of a training wheels approach. Gold focuses less on how many hours of technology is appropriate and more on the how of technology - which games and sites, the relationship between technology use and other obligations and pleasures, and how to teach boundaries and kindness. I got a lot out of it. I did not learn a lot about tech stuff like timers and parent controls though, partly because Gold downplays them and emphasizes teaching kids self control.

[Anthony · Rating 4 out of 5]

I give a 4 🌟 rating not because I agreed with everything Jodi put forward, but for the information and framework to approach the subject. It has prompted good reflection on my personal relationship with technology and kicked off some good discussions between my wife and I now that our kids are getting older on how we can be more intentional in creating a family culture and approach to technology.

[Patricia Tennant · Rating 2 out of 5]

I actually felt this was a bit dated already. Was looking for more concrete advice about security and monitoring and less examples and stats. Felt that the teenager section was a lean in particular.

[Aleš Bednařík · Rating 4 out of 5]

Detská psychiatrička celkom podrobne a konkrétne opisuje odporúčané postupy a pravidlá pre rodičov ako zvládať jednotlivé detské vekové obdobia vo vzťahu k digitálnym médiám. Kto hľadá konkrétne rady ku konkrétnemu veku, bude spokojný.

[Sandy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I appreciate this author’s approach to modern day parenting with “digital natives”. She seems to mirror my own harm-reductionist viewpoint on screens and reframes the concept of getting a first phone as a digital milestones.

[Megan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very helpful and a lot of practical ideas.

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very good ideas but a little bit outdated.

[Online Eccentric Librarian · Rating 4 out of 5]

More reviews (and no fluff) on the blog http://surrealtalvi.wordpress.com/

Screen Smart Parenting is fairly comprehensive and very up-to-date, with authors who do know the different aps, games, social media, etc. But there are a LOT of studies to troll through and quite a bit to skip due to the book being broken down by age group. For me, the noise to useful ratio needed a bit more tweaking to make this less of a cumbersome read.

The book breaks down as follows: Introduction (which includes family digital habitat, digital milestones, digital landscape, the good, bad, and the ugly of digital debates); Growing up digital (which includes ages 0-2, ages 3-5, ages 6-8, ages 8-10, ages 11-13, and then ages 15-18); One size does not fit all (which includes aDhD, anxiety, or kids with depression, and agreements for the digital family). Resources, notes, index at the end.

Because our technology moves so fast, this isn't a book you can keep as your child ages and you move to a different age group. So yes, there is a LOT to skip through in order to get to the section on your child (or children's) age(s). Frustrating for me, is that although I have an 11 year old, I found a lot of useful information in the older kids section and some in the younger kids sections. But I felt like I had to muddle through a lot of information that wasn't applicable in those sections in order to find nuggets that I could use for my child. But the section on my child's age was very useful.

The book feels very up to date with the technology and I feel that the author did an excellent job of keeping up with emerging new aps/technology. I give high marks on that since most books I read on the subject are still going on about facebook when most kids have moved on to e.g., Instagram or Snap Chat.

There are checklists to go over with kids as well as discussion areas about topics from bullying to sexting. Porn to plagiary (homework assignments). But at the same time, there is a lot of psychobabble - lots of 'how do you feel about this' type of leading questions in the beginning backed up with as many honestly unnecessary discussions on research studios. I'd have rather had the research in the index instead rather than discussed individually in the meat of the book. I could find a study that says the moon is really made of cheese if I wanted so I'm less concerned about studies.

So yes, there is a lot of plow through but some good nuggets to be found there. I would have just preferred to see the information presented in a more coherent and less 'psychologist's couch' type of presentation. I don't need the information dumbed down - just presented in a more accessible manner.

Reviewed from an ARC.

[Susan Perry · Rating 4 out of 5]

A good overview with some specific recommendations, especially appropriate for families with babies who need reassurance. Pro-digital-media, the author explains what kids need at each age, and how smartphones and tablets can augment parent-child interaction in a healthy way. Moderation is suggested, and readers learn what experts feel that would entail. I found it quite credible in its attitude toward creativity and imaginative play, and quite helpful for us oldies who have to get used to this astonishing new world our kids are growing up in.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm not in the mood for informational non-fiction right now, but I hope to go back to this one sometime. It seems like a solid common-sense approach to parenting effectively with technology. It doesn't treat technology like a demon, but is clear-eyed about the challenges it can pose to raising happy, healthy, responsible kids, by treating it like any other potentially challenging issue facing parents.

[Lisa · Rating 3 out of 5]

A good book with good information and resources. I do feel, however, that it has a much more laid back "anything goes" kind of approach. It absolutely is true that it depends on your child and your family how you manage your approach to technology, but I was hoping for a little bit more guidance on the tricky waters ahead than I got from this book. I do really like that there are printable resources to make your own family technology plan.

[Sara · Rating 4 out of 5]

Pretty good ideas about kids and tech, a lot geared to older kids and presumes some interaction with social media etc...

[Kristina Weber · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good book- The title is absolutely correct- I liked that the book had balance.