Moving On: A Practical Guide to Downsizing the Family Home

by Linda Hetzer, Janet Hulstrand

Emptying a family home of all its contents is an experience that most people want to get away from as quickly as they can. But Linda Hetzer and Janet Hulstrand, authors of Moving A Practical Guide to Downsizing the Family Home, decided to write a book about it instead. “We decided to write the book we wish we could have had when we were going through the process of emptying our parents’ homes,” says Hetzer. Moving On provides a simple but very effective overview of how to actually get the job done, and how to deal practically and sensitively with the emotional issues that can arise among family members. It offers sage advice, practical tips, and helpful resources for baby boomers who are helping their parents downsize and move into smaller quarters, or emptying a house after the death of a parent. Hetzer and Hulstrand also publish a blog called Downsizing the Lessons Learned. The AARP Bulletin says Moving A Practical Guide to Downsizing the Family Home helps readers “think beyond who gets all the good stuff…” and a National Association of Professional Organizers (NAPO) newsletter says it is “written with great respect for the process and the people engaged in it.” Professional organizers and senior move managers find Moving On especially helpful for their clients who have difficulty in getting rid of things. One senior move manager said, “We share this valuable book with our staff. We find it an excellent tool.“ According to a professional organizer, “This book is so thorough that you won't need another resource.” And one reviewer even referred to Moving On as “a downsizing bible.” Hetzer and Hulstrand write from personal experience. Hetzer’s father had been in his home for 50 years, and Hulstrand’s for 35. Both homes were full of “stuff,” some of it things that needed to be donated, some of it valuable family treasures, much of it mixed together in ways that made knowing which was which difficult. “We were confronted by a variety of questions that we just didn’t know how to answer,” Hulstrand says. “How do you know which things are valuable? How do you preserve old 8mm films and videos? How do you get rid of cell phones and other electronics in a way that is ecologically responsible?” Moving A Practical Guide to Downsizing the Family Home offers answers to these questions and more, and includes topics like how to start a conversation with parents who have mixed feelings about moving, and how to deal with differences of opinion among siblings. The authors also gathered stories from people who had found ways to manage the tensions that can arise between family members–and still get rid of the stuff. “The good news is that, while this is a big job, with the right approach, enough time, and a little bit of luck, clearing out the family home can be a positive experience,” Hulstrand and Hetzer write. “It can offer wonderful moments of nostalgia, new chances to heal old wounds, and great opportunities for family bonding.” What is the best tip to help break through the resistance of letting go of objects that have sentimental value? Acknowledge the importance of your emotional attachment to the objects, say the authors, and find ways to save the memories, whether it’s through writing about them, recording stories, or taking photographs. For many people, it’s the memories that are important, not the objects.

Genres: Nonfiction

151 pages, Kindle Edition

First published April 7, 2004

Reviews

[Marcia · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you believe like I do that experience is the best teacher then you, like me, will place great value in Moving On, A Practical Guile to Downsizing the Family Home.
It is written by two people who have walked the walk and therefore have the experience and know-how to talk the talk when it comes to decluttering the family home.
As a professional organizer specializing in seniors who don’t want to leave behind an enormous mess for their children, I especially treasure the chapters on preserving family heirlooms and memories.
All in all, I rely on Moving On for its sure-fire strategies and mature sensitivty to one's personal possessions.
Marcia
Personal Organizer
section by section

[Stephanie · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wouldn't say this was a bad book, but you'd have to be a newbie to downsizing a house to find it terribly useful. Having participated in cleaning out my parents' home after they died, much of this was old hat to me. If it's your first time dealing with an entire house, though, you would probably find this book helpful. While this book encourages you to think of the feelings of all involved in the process and be gentle with your emotions, there isn't much info on dealing with those emotions. In the same vein, the book suggest you ask yourself if you're keeping certain items simply because they belonged to a parent; unfortunately, if the answer to that question is yes, there are no suggestions on how to let go while preserving the memories.

There are some very handy and comprehensive lists of resources in this book: how to find appraisers, what is involved in an estate sale, ways to sell items from yard sales to online auctions, etc. I imagine a number of readers will find those very helpful.

[Carole · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a great book...and as soon as I am ready, I will refer to it for every item I pick up. Right now, I am at the stage when I pick up an item I think, "What do Linda and Janet say I should do?" before I make the big mistake and put the item down again. However, I have been organizing my yarn stash so I can sell it and when that's done, I will work sort through other areas of my stuff. Thanks for writing this much-needed book.

[Ellen Hampton · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wise and emotionally sensitive advice for sorting out family stuff. This is a very helpful book and a pleasure to read!

[Tracy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I thought this offered some practice advice on downsizing/clearing out a parent's home. I especially liked that it listed resources, both books and websites, to assist in the process.

[Nikki · Rating 3 out of 5]

I thought this would be more about downsizing and less about the family aspect of moving out of a long time family home so it wasn't all relevant to me. There was a lot of information on how to sell (via auction, estate sale, online, etc) that I skipped over but if someone wanted help with that it looked to be helpful.

Also, they repeat over and over again that good communication is important during the stressful time of cleaning out a house to either move a loved one to a smaller place or after they are gone. And take your time. Both seemed like good bits to remember.

[LemontreeLime · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was good, more willing to ask the tricky emotional questions without hiding behind stories. Better to ask and be blunt in these situations, rather than upsetting someone for years. People get weird around death, makes them lose their minds over lamps and spoons. This book will help.

[Elizabeth · Rating 4 out of 5]

Simple and relatable. At times repetitive, but it is for the sake of those who read it by section rather than cover to cover. Very helpful and insightful.

[Vicki · Rating 3 out of 5]

Contains some lists of helpful organizations and websites, but overall more general than specific, and too focused on the emotional aspects.

[Raymond Hwang · Rating 4 out of 5]

She gives a lot of good advice especially in the area of family harmony.