When Things Don't Go Your Way: Zen Wisdom for Difficult Times

by Haemin Sunim, Charles La Shure (Translator)

Modern life doesn't always go our way. Loss, rejection, uncertainty and loneliness are unavoidable parts of the human experience -- but there is solace to be found.

In When Things Don't Go Your Way, Zen Buddhist teacher Haemin Sunim provides simple but powerful wisdom for navigating life's challenges. Through his trademark combination of beautiful illustrations, insightful stories, and contemplative aphorisms, Sunim helps us reframe our mindsets and develop emotional agility.

When Things Don't Go Your Way is a soothing balm that helps us all find courage and comfort when we need it most.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Spirituality, Psychology, Philosophy, Mental Health, Buddhism

296 pages, Paperback

First published December 5, 2018

About the author

Zen Buddhist teacher & bestselling author.

Born in South Korea and educated at Berkeley, Harvard, and Princeton, he received formal monastic training from Haein monastery, in South Korea. He taught Asian religions at Hampshire College in Massachusetts for seven years.

He is one of the most influential Zen monks in the world. His first book, The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down has been translated into more than 35 languages and sold over four million copies.

His second book, Love for Imperfect Things was the number one bestseller of 2016 in South Korea and became available in multiple languages in 2019. Haemin resides in Seoul when not traveling to share his teachings.

Source: haeminsunim.com

Reviews

[Reading_ Tamishly · Rating 4 out of 5]

Has a book ever helped you? Has a book ever brought you peace when nothing else could? Has a book given you answers for questions you aren’t allowing yourself to ask?

Has a book ever looked into your soul and told you “you deserve your own kind of life” and not what you have made yourself believe you have to live from others perspectives about your own life?

Every book by the author has made such huge impact in my mind every time I read them. This one sure made its own impact on me.

The book has 6 chapters but these short chapters provide reassurance on how we can be true to ourselves and reflect on what makes us anxious or feel things that doesn’t make us true to ourselves.

The perceived reality and expectations we have made ourselves to go through everyday, how these affect us in the long run, how we can learn to make our own choices only after reflecting rather than going through each day to call it a day is what I have learned from reading this book.

Definitely there are disappointments when things don’t go our way; we go through all these unpleasant feelings and emotions when we are lonely and when we feel burned out. The book deals with all these topics in relation to how we can reflect, learn and make simple decisions to make our coming days better for ourselves.

[Michelle T · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed reading about the author's life and what they have taught. They were relatable, easy to follow, and yet profound. The overall tone of the book is warm, supportive and inspiring. I appreciate Sunim's teachings on how to overcome rejection and burnout as I experienced them recently. Overall, it was one of the best books I have read recently. Highly recommend it!

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book. It has depth but it still is light. The lay out is stunning. It would make for a great (but little) coffee table book.

[James · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is jam-packed with messages of self-acceptance and wisdom. When I was going through a tough time recently, it was like a warm hug. It helped me see things more clearly and find meaning in the chaos. I realized I can't change everything, but I can change how I look at it. Now, after diving into it, I'm spotting little moments of joy again.

[Beautiful Everywhere · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read his earlier book, "Love for Impect Things" and loved it. This new book didn't disappoint me. I really like the way he talked about his personal stories. It has a lot of wisdom and great suggestions. It doesn't take a month to read, which is a good thing, too.

[Nim · Rating 5 out of 5]

After reading the book, it truly felt like receiving a warm hug! It's a lovely read.

[Hestia Istiviani · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Do the inner works and don't be attached to external validation."

Sepekan lalu, aku bertemu dg teman lama. Awalnya, aku cuma berniat "catch up" & ingin dengar pengalaman kerjanya. Ternyata yg terjadi malah sebaliknya 🤣 Aku berasa lagi konsul dg psikologku 🤣

Kalimat pembuka caption itu salah satu yg kuingat ketika aku "curhat" kenapa ada beberapa hal yg takut/ragu untuk kulakukan.

As universe leads me into its bigger plan, ketemulah aku dg buku barunya Haemin Sunim. Dari judulnya aja udah keliatan ke mana arah topik buku ini: acceptance, penerimaan, ikhlas.

Buku dibuka dg cerita soal pemberitaan media terhadap Sunim & bagaimana hal tsb membuat dirinya "panik." Well, I experienced the same tiap kali ada twitku yg viral & kemudian digruduk akun aneh 🤣 Tapi, hal yg bikin Sunim berbeda dgku ialah caranya menghadapi & menerima kondisi itu.

Sunim bilang, "menerima" bukan berarti "pasrah begitu saja." Dalam "menerima" jg tetap butuh "usaha." Misalnya, berusaha untuk mencari jalan keluar, solusi, atau menenangkan diri sendiri.

Secara garis besar, buku ini dibagi menjadi 6 bab. Masing-masing selalu diawali dg ceritanya. Minimal, pembaca jadi punya latar belakang sebelum menikmati kalimat-kalimat pendek yg quotable.

"Bertemu" lagi dg Sunim setelah The Love for Imperfect Things dan Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down rasanya seperti "reuni" kecil bagiku. Masih ingat sekali perkenalanku dg Sunim malah melalui psikologku. Dan berkat 2 buku itulah, aku mulai bebenah hidupku.

Begitu jg dg buku ini. It makes me want to think more about what "acceptance" is. Sulit memang. Tapi setidaknya aku bisa praktikkan pelan-pelan dan bertahap. Terutama dlm menghadapi kejulidan netizen di media sosial 🙃

[E · Rating 5 out of 5]

His writings are approachable and practical. I think anyone who experiences any disappointment or uncertainty in life should read this book.

[Nina Keijer · Rating 2 out of 5]

Veel adviezen in dit boek vond ik iets te makkelijk gedacht (of ik denk gewoon te moeilijk?) Ik had wat meer diepgang verwacht..

Sommige bladzijdes voelden meer aan als een verzameling van facebook moeder quotes. Verder wel een mooi boek, maar het was wat zweverig en er stond voor mij niet veel nieuws in

[Bella Azam · Rating 4 out of 5]

In life, we went through many ups and downs and for some, there may be more downs which in all honesty, it gets really hard to go through life. This book is filled with wisdoms on life that may felt things we heard every day yet there are nuances and relatableness to it, this little book by a Buddhist monk whom talked about his own experience and struggles.

With personal anecdotes, wisdom quotes and relatable stories on happiness, joy, loneliness, struggle for connection, feeling fulfillment, suffering, discovering one self, this book was a pleasant read for someone who struggled to find purpose in life. I can relate to whats happened in this book and I believe many others too. The words written and spoken in here felt like the words that we need reassurance from time to time when we dont know what to do in our life.

Divided into 6 chapters focusing on different aspects of life: the feeling of happiness, when encountered rejection and sadness, struggling to find joy in everyday life, when loneliness visits you, when not knowing what to do, and ways to discover your true self. Each chapters provided the insight into the author's real experience, ones that we can derived and understand from, then there are the wisdoms and quotes which I found comforting to read. The book was also filled with many beautiful illustrations making it a pleasant visually appealing to look at.

Thank you Times Reads for review copy in exchange for an honest review

[Brenda Waworga · Rating 4 out of 5]

my 3rd book of this author and… still love it, the writing style is simple and of course inspiring and motivate the reader to keep going with life and live with gratitude

[Akash Saha · Rating 5 out of 5]

❝When Things Don't Go Your Way❞

Sometimes we get depressed about our failures, our limitations. Life does not always go in our way, what we plan, may be spoiled! But what if, we rethink about every smallest thing about our failure? Let's take a deep breathe and explore our life in a deeper aspect. Just go Through the book, your disheartened soul may be healed!

Haemin Sunim is one of my favourite writer in recent time, a Zen Buddhist having a great love for life. The Zen philosophy, however, may make the world better one.

#bookreviewer #bookstagram #zen #philosophy #haeminsunim #life

[Jessie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I adore this book. Much like his two previous works, it's brimming with beautiful messages of acceptance, compassion, and resilience. His insights into the reasons behind our unhappiness are compelling, and his stories are both engaging and accessible. Anyone who reads it will undoubtedly feel optimistic about themselves and the world upon finishing it.

[Perri · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars. Succinct, contemplative, convincing. Definitely underlined a good chunk of this book.

[mana · Rating 4 out of 5]

what an incredible amazing and wonderful book.
i probably knew most of the things in this book, yet i needed to read it on paper somehow!

i already gave my friend this book as a gift and i am ready to make others happy with this piece of art (literally!!)

[Adam · Rating 5 out of 5]

I believe many readers may not fully grasp the depth of this book, particularly the final chapter. His insights into our "true nature" were clear and straightforward, a rarity among spiritual literature. While the book may seem easy to read, reflecting on its content, especially his teaching that human psychology mirrors cosmology, is truly mind-blowing!

[Chris Boutté · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a super short read, and I was kind of blown away with the fact that it’s jam-packed with wisdom. I was unfamiliar with Haemin, but I’m now a fan. He’s a Buddhist monk from South Korea, but he speaks pretty straight forward. While I love Buddhist philosophy and wisdom that comes from mindfulness meditation, sometimes it’s a little too philosophical. This is a book that anyone can connect with. Things haven’t been going my way recently, and this book taught me some valuable things and reminded me of others.

[Yoko · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book felt like a loving lesson from a parent.

[Tamira Bella · Rating 4 out of 5]

Beberapa waktu yang lalu ada seseorang yang bilang kepada saya, membaca buku self improvement hanya akan menghabiskan waktu sebab tidak ada yang berubah jika tidak ada kesadaran dari diri seseorang itu.

Saya setuju, namun ada aspek yang hendak saya highlight dari membaca, sejatinya membaca tidak hanya berguna menambah pengetahuannya tapi terdapat satu hal yang tak kalah indahnya. "Pengalaman membaca" Moment membaca sendiri bagi saya memberikan banyak moment bermakna. Mungkin tidak perlu selalu untuk mengambil intisari, namun saat kegiatan membaca dilakukan seseorang bisa merasa tenang, merefleksikan tubuh dan pikiran, menerima informasi baru, hingga mencapai makna terapan mampu mengaplikasikan apa yang dibaca menjadi bonus lebih saat membaca.

Terkait pengalaman membaca, saat membaca buku ini saya cukup happy, bukunya sangat cantik, gambar-gambar yang indah menyertai tiap lembar halamannya. Quotesnya juga beragam, ketika membaca self improvement, sejujurnya saya tidak mencari kata-kata indah yang akan dikutip, tapi lebih ke menikmati proses penulis berdamai dengan segala yang terjadi di hidupnya, dimana hal ini selalu menarik untuk dikulik.

Demikian yang terjadi pada saya saat membaca buku ini dan buku self improvement lainnya, mungkin saja rumusan self improvement nampaknya selalu sama, namun sudut pandang dan cara seseorang melewati berbagai problema tidak selalu sama, sudut pandang dan cara berpikir manusia selalu menarik dan tak ada habisnya untuk saya jelajah.

[Tamar Riander Asmawidjaja · Rating 5 out of 5]

Moge je gezegend worden met liefde en vreugde.
Moge je omgeven worden door vriendelijkheid en vrede.
Moge je geleid worden door deugdzaamheid en compassie.
Moge je leven gevuld worden met zingeving en betekenisvolle ervaringen.

[Pine Tree · Rating 5 out of 5]

The book is full of great ideas! I love reading this book as it encourages me to become calm and compassionate towards myself and my family. His stories are good, too.

[Claire De Laat · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dingen die je hoop geven. Veerkracht vinden in uitdagende tijden. Erg goed boek. Het gaat vooral over hoe om te gaan met tegenslagen. Het geeft adviezen en inzichten, verdeeld in verschillende hoofdstukken. Elk hoofdstuk bevat ook veel quotes en inspirerende wijsheden, over bijvoorbeeld gelukkig zijn, eenzaamheid en verlichting. Ik vond de schrijfstijl erg fijn en heb het boek snel uitgelezen. Bijzonder hoe de schrijver zulke diepe en ingewikkelde onderwerpen zo simpel kan laten lijken. Het heeft me zeker inzichten gegeven.

[LucyInTheSky · Rating 4 out of 5]

Even though a bit cliché at times, this book addresses and pinpoints a couple of issues that are (imo) very typical of the times we live in. Probably this book has something of value for everyone, while other things might feel too obvious or too cliché. Sunim knows how to use the power of story and metaphor. I appreciate his honesty in sharing his own experiences, especially the ones where he might didn't act the most chivalrous; the ones that taught him a lot.

The artwork in this book has a bit of a cheesy feeling to it, but at the same time I cannot help to love it, to see some magic on the page. The book does a good job at intertwining day to day life with spirituality and inner calmness.

[Puty · Rating 3 out of 5]

I believe this is a kind of book that provides answers when you, as the reader, believe it does. Written by a Buddhist teacher, this book mainly consists of short quotes grouped in 6 chapters:
- When things don't go your way
- When your heart is aching
- When feeling burned out and joyless
- When loneliness visits
- When facing uncertainty
- When enlightment has yet to occur

Most of the contents are basic and normative and some even feel very vague. There are some important reminders to keep us going but some feel.... cliche?

However, if right now you're intrigued by the title of the book (or any of the chapter's title), you might find something you don't realize you're looking for.

Maybe.

[Wouter · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book gave me peace in times when I needed it. It helped me through doing two semesters at the same time and my graduation for my part-time study. Working full time with two kids and education is heavy, but when times were tough this book helped me to see.

You shouldn’t read too quickly, even though I did. Just read a few pages every now and then when you need it. You’ll thank yourself!

[Aligermaa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Enjoyed his drops of wisdom. I realized how different it is for Buddhist monks in Mongolia and Korea. It seems there is still a lot of pressure, careerwise, for monks to succeed in Korea. Just like his previous book, this book was surprisingly pleasant. It is relatable and makes you nod while reading.

[Tiffany · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5 stars

Previous books were better.

[Anirudh Kulkarni · Rating 4 out of 5]

Reading this book feels like a warm and comforting hug, like a delicious hot tea on a cold evening, with beautiful sunset in sight. It is a perfect book to gift to your loved one, even if they are not into reading. Turn to any page and you will find words of wisdom that'll make you pause and introspect. It can be read again and again in different phases of life, and yet imbibe something wonderful to hold on to.

[maria victoria · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read when you need rest. It's peace in book form.

[Lyyyy ʕ⁠ ⁠º⁠ ⁠ᴥ⁠ ⁠º⁠ʔ · Rating 4 out of 5]

er staan mooie verhalen in dit boek, handige tips en hele mooie plaatjes. als je je hopeloos voelt moet je dit boek openslaan en een willekeurige pagina lezen, dan voel je je opgelucht