Love and War: How Militarism Shapes Sexuality and Romance

by Tom Digby

Ideas of masculinity and femininity become sharply defined in war-reliant societies, resulting in a presumed enmity between men and women. This so-called "battle of the sexes" is intensified by the use of misogyny to encourage men and boys to conform to the demands of masculinity. These are among Tom Digby's fascinating insights shared in Love and War, which describes the making and manipulation of gender in militaristic societies and the sweeping consequences for men and women in their personal, romantic, sexual, and professional lives.

Drawing on cross-cultural comparisons and examples from popular media, including sports culture, the rise of "gonzo" and "bangbus" pornography, and "internet trolls," Digby describes how the hatred of women and the suppression of empathy are used to define masculinity, thereby undermining relations between women and men--sometimes even to the extent of violence. Employing diverse philosophical methodologies, he identifies the cultural elements that contribute to heterosexual antagonism, such as an enduring faith in male force to solve problems, the glorification of violent men who suppress caring emotions, the devaluation of men's physical and emotional lives, an imaginary gender binary, male privilege premised on the subordination of women, and the use of misogyny to encourage masculine behavior. Digby tracks the "collateral damage" of this disabling misogyny in the lives of both men and women, but ends on a hopeful note. He ultimately finds the link between war and gender to be dissolving in many societies: war is becoming slowly de-gendered, and gender is becoming slowly de-militarized.

Genres: Feminism, Nonfiction, Philosophy, Politics, Sexuality, History, Psychology

240 pages, Paperback

First published October 28, 2014

Reviews

[Camis · Rating 4 out of 5]

Siempre es bueno ver a investigadores de género hombres criticando las concepciones de masculinidad...Investigación interesantísima de Digby que explica cómo las sociedades militaristas han modelado la masculinidad en torno a la dureza emocional (la prohibición a los hombres de mostrar vulnerabilidad emocional), algo que es inherentemente misógino y esta también ligado al constructo del nacionalismo. Esta investigación está escrita con un estilo muy sencillo y para nada técnico, creo que cualquiera podría leer este libro incluso aunque no hayan leído nada sobre Género.

[michelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

still waiting for goodreads to let me leave half stars. succinct overview of the issue but i would have liked to see him delve deeper into certain aspects of it, also including more overarching connections between militarism and neoliberalism.

or like, something like that.

[zenzeromante · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great analysis on how the culture of war is influenced and has influenced the relationship between the two binary genders, how that bleeds into what the book calls the "culturally programmed heterosexuality", and how it impacts the relationship between men and women in everyday life and in the virtual/fantasy worlds of videogames and pornography. The last chapter on the close connection between violence, war and sexism was very USA-centric, but very interesting nonetheless.

This books is especially fascinating because it mostly focuses on how men and masculinity are also "victims" of the militaristic system, although that doesn't make them less accountable for their own actions, which is made extremely clear throughout the book also thanks to the breakdowns of anti-feminist arguments.

[Andre · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was a complete & profound assessment of love, sex, militarism, patriarchy, and feminism. Thoroughly footnoted with compelling and passionate anecdotes, Digby presents a cogent & urgent argument to address clear inequities in society, driven by psychological habit & bias.

I'd recommend this book to be included in high school curriculums.

[ Caveat: Tom Digby is an academic mentor for a good friend of mine. ]

[Julie Peters · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is fascinating and really lays out some things that make so much sense about our culture. It's also written in a really accessible and easy to understand way. Highly recommend.

[Marta · Rating 5 out of 5]

The author approaches a subject about which he is clearly very knowledgeable in a simple but comprehensive manner that prompts insightful thinking and reflexion.
Very recommended.

[Don Dodge · Rating 5 out of 5]

An excellent review of the "war of the sexes" and how militarism shapes our lives.

Men are expendable and should never be empathetic, women's only real use is to produce more men.

[Charlie Chartrain · Rating 3 out of 5]

The first three chapters are interesting but the author tends to repeat himself quite a lot through the book, remaking the same point over and over again.

[Renee · Rating 4 out of 5]

Everyone should read this book. Digby's conversational style makes the subject easy to follow and gets you to think about the problems inherent in cultural definitions of masculinity and femininity.