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Grit and Wit: Empowering Lives and Leaders
Kathy Delaney-Smith is the winningest coach in the history of the Ivy League—any sport, men’s or women’s. For over fifty-one years, her mission and life’s work has been teaching, training, inspiring and empowering young women on and off the basketball court. Her book, Grit and Empowering Lives and Leaders is a memoir meets leadership in action, inspired by another “winningest coach,” John Wooden, and his memoir, A Lifetime of Observations and Reflections On and Off the Court, and the courageous spirit of Brené Brown’s Daring Greatly.
Organized around Kathy’s core values and leadership philosophies and told through her stories and those of her alumnae—a “Who’s Who” of impact-makers in their own right—this book is filled with great reminders and lessons for leaders, managers, coaches, parents—anyone who wants to influence those around them and live a better life.
Whether you’re looking to inspire a team, elevate your influence, or simply live a fuller, more intentional life, this book will show you how to lead with courage, passion, and heart. Step onto the court with Kathy Delaney-Smith—and discover what it means to lead boldly, live authentically, connect meaningfully, and win as a team.
Organized around Kathy’s core values and leadership philosophies and told through her stories and those of her alumnae—a “Who’s Who” of impact-makers in their own right—this book is filled with great reminders and lessons for leaders, managers, coaches, parents—anyone who wants to influence those around them and live a better life.
Whether you’re looking to inspire a team, elevate your influence, or simply live a fuller, more intentional life, this book will show you how to lead with courage, passion, and heart. Step onto the court with Kathy Delaney-Smith—and discover what it means to lead boldly, live authentically, connect meaningfully, and win as a team.
- GenresLeadership
197 pages, Paperback
Published January 7, 2025
1 person is currently reading
26 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 2 of 2 reviews
September 29, 2025
When I picked up Grit and Wit, I expected a book about basketball and leadership. What I didn’t expect was how often Kathy Delaney-Smith’s story would echo my own experiences as a teacher and parent. This isn’t just a sports memoir — it’s a manual for life, leadership, and resilience.
From the very first chapter, I was struck by Kathy’s tenacity. She began at Harvard with a meager three wins in her first season, yet eventually became the winningest coach in Ivy League history. Her players loved her not because she was perfect, but because she was real. She treated them like people, cared deeply, and helped them find the confidence they didn’t yet have in themselves.
One of the most powerful concepts she returns to again and again is Act As If. Before it was ever given a name, Kathy was already practicing it. Acting “as if” isn’t about faking it — it’s not the same as “fake it till you make it.” Instead, it’s a proactive intention: you embody the qualities you want to grow into, and in doing so, you create the environment where they can take root. I’ve seen the same truth in my own classrooms. When students “act as if” they are capable, confident, or creative, they often grow into that reality.
The book is full of vivid stories. One of my favorites is when Harvard’s team was preparing to play at Stanford, notorious for its loud and hostile crowds. Kathy had the team practice with metallic music blaring, made laminated signs to signal plays since voices couldn’t be heard, and layered visualizations and affirmations into the preparation. It’s a perfect picture of leadership: preparation down to the smallest detail, mental toughness, and a refusal to leave success up to chance.
But toughness, as Kathy reminds us, isn’t about being rigid. “Toughness is a tool that serves you; it doesn’t own you.” That line resonated deeply with me. Too often, we think toughness means hiding vulnerability, when in reality, the two complement each other. Life is most meaningful when you’re tough enough to fight for what matters and vulnerable enough to grow.
Chapter after chapter, Kathy connects basketball to life. Her message about confidence — that it comes from within, through skill and discipline — mirrors what I’ve told countless students. You don’t just wake up confident; you build it through practice. She even implemented a “no self-depreciation” rule for her team, using the elastic band thought-awareness method to break negative self-talk. It’s a deceptively simple tool, but a high-impact one.
Another theme that stood out to me was her approach to leadership. Kathy didn’t believe her job was to do everything for her players. A Marine once told her: “Your job isn’t to help them. Your job is to teach them to help each other.” That struck me as the essence of leadership in any context. Whether in classrooms, families, or organizations, leaders who over-function create dependence. Leaders who step back create self-reliance and interdependence.
She was also unafraid of tough love. As a parent, teacher, and coach, I’ve seen firsthand how shielding young people from criticism weakens them. Kathy recognized the same truth: accountability is love. Being willing to push, to critique, even to make someone uncomfortable, is how you help them grow.
Discipline is another central theme. Talent gives some people a head start, but discipline levels the playing field. Time and again, Kathy saw that her best leaders weren’t necessarily the most naturally gifted athletes. They were the ones who scratched and clawed every day to improve, who built strong relationships, and whose discipline was contagious. This is as true in law, teaching, writing, or parenting as it is in sports: success and fulfillment come from discipline, not just ability.
The later chapters broaden the focus. I especially appreciated Chapter 10 on communication, where Kathy lays out eight principles: deliver your message frequently, be transparent, know your audience, really listen, be concise, frame things positively, choose words carefully, and pay attention to timing and tone. As someone who teaches writing and communication, these principles feel like gold. They’re not just for basketball players — they’re for anyone who wants to lead, parent, or simply connect with others.
Chapter 11 on parenting also resonated with me. Too many parents, in pursuit of perfection, end up over-parenting. They intervene constantly, overschedule, and micromanage. The result? Kids who are less resilient and more dependent. Kathy’s advice is clear: let children discover independence for themselves. As both a parent and teacher, I couldn’t agree more.
The chapters on equity were some of the most powerful. Kathy came of age as a coach in the 1970s, when women’s teams didn’t even have locker rooms of their own. She fought tirelessly for equality — not just in facilities but in pay, opportunities, and recognition. Even at her retirement in 2023, the pay gap between male and female coaches remained. Her message is blunt but necessary: equity is not given, it’s demanded.
The final chapter, a collection of words from former players spanning decades, is the perfect conclusion. It shows that Kathy’s legacy isn’t only in her win record but in the lives she shaped. Her players carried her lessons forward — about resilience, toughness, communication, and equity — into their own careers and families. That, to me, is the ultimate measure of a leader.
I came away from Grit and Wit both inspired and challenged. Kathy Delaney-Smith’s story is proof that leadership is not about titles, perfection, or even talent. It’s about empathy, toughness, discipline, and courage. It’s about preparing people not just for the game, but for life.
For anyone interested in leadership, teaching, coaching, or personal growth, this book offers not just lessons, but a model of how to live them out.
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Book #17 in 2025 and #447 of All Time
From the very first chapter, I was struck by Kathy’s tenacity. She began at Harvard with a meager three wins in her first season, yet eventually became the winningest coach in Ivy League history. Her players loved her not because she was perfect, but because she was real. She treated them like people, cared deeply, and helped them find the confidence they didn’t yet have in themselves.
One of the most powerful concepts she returns to again and again is Act As If. Before it was ever given a name, Kathy was already practicing it. Acting “as if” isn’t about faking it — it’s not the same as “fake it till you make it.” Instead, it’s a proactive intention: you embody the qualities you want to grow into, and in doing so, you create the environment where they can take root. I’ve seen the same truth in my own classrooms. When students “act as if” they are capable, confident, or creative, they often grow into that reality.
The book is full of vivid stories. One of my favorites is when Harvard’s team was preparing to play at Stanford, notorious for its loud and hostile crowds. Kathy had the team practice with metallic music blaring, made laminated signs to signal plays since voices couldn’t be heard, and layered visualizations and affirmations into the preparation. It’s a perfect picture of leadership: preparation down to the smallest detail, mental toughness, and a refusal to leave success up to chance.
But toughness, as Kathy reminds us, isn’t about being rigid. “Toughness is a tool that serves you; it doesn’t own you.” That line resonated deeply with me. Too often, we think toughness means hiding vulnerability, when in reality, the two complement each other. Life is most meaningful when you’re tough enough to fight for what matters and vulnerable enough to grow.
Chapter after chapter, Kathy connects basketball to life. Her message about confidence — that it comes from within, through skill and discipline — mirrors what I’ve told countless students. You don’t just wake up confident; you build it through practice. She even implemented a “no self-depreciation” rule for her team, using the elastic band thought-awareness method to break negative self-talk. It’s a deceptively simple tool, but a high-impact one.
Another theme that stood out to me was her approach to leadership. Kathy didn’t believe her job was to do everything for her players. A Marine once told her: “Your job isn’t to help them. Your job is to teach them to help each other.” That struck me as the essence of leadership in any context. Whether in classrooms, families, or organizations, leaders who over-function create dependence. Leaders who step back create self-reliance and interdependence.
She was also unafraid of tough love. As a parent, teacher, and coach, I’ve seen firsthand how shielding young people from criticism weakens them. Kathy recognized the same truth: accountability is love. Being willing to push, to critique, even to make someone uncomfortable, is how you help them grow.
Discipline is another central theme. Talent gives some people a head start, but discipline levels the playing field. Time and again, Kathy saw that her best leaders weren’t necessarily the most naturally gifted athletes. They were the ones who scratched and clawed every day to improve, who built strong relationships, and whose discipline was contagious. This is as true in law, teaching, writing, or parenting as it is in sports: success and fulfillment come from discipline, not just ability.
The later chapters broaden the focus. I especially appreciated Chapter 10 on communication, where Kathy lays out eight principles: deliver your message frequently, be transparent, know your audience, really listen, be concise, frame things positively, choose words carefully, and pay attention to timing and tone. As someone who teaches writing and communication, these principles feel like gold. They’re not just for basketball players — they’re for anyone who wants to lead, parent, or simply connect with others.
Chapter 11 on parenting also resonated with me. Too many parents, in pursuit of perfection, end up over-parenting. They intervene constantly, overschedule, and micromanage. The result? Kids who are less resilient and more dependent. Kathy’s advice is clear: let children discover independence for themselves. As both a parent and teacher, I couldn’t agree more.
The chapters on equity were some of the most powerful. Kathy came of age as a coach in the 1970s, when women’s teams didn’t even have locker rooms of their own. She fought tirelessly for equality — not just in facilities but in pay, opportunities, and recognition. Even at her retirement in 2023, the pay gap between male and female coaches remained. Her message is blunt but necessary: equity is not given, it’s demanded.
The final chapter, a collection of words from former players spanning decades, is the perfect conclusion. It shows that Kathy’s legacy isn’t only in her win record but in the lives she shaped. Her players carried her lessons forward — about resilience, toughness, communication, and equity — into their own careers and families. That, to me, is the ultimate measure of a leader.
I came away from Grit and Wit both inspired and challenged. Kathy Delaney-Smith’s story is proof that leadership is not about titles, perfection, or even talent. It’s about empathy, toughness, discipline, and courage. It’s about preparing people not just for the game, but for life.
For anyone interested in leadership, teaching, coaching, or personal growth, this book offers not just lessons, but a model of how to live them out.
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Book #17 in 2025 and #447 of All Time
July 17, 2025
This is an amazing read for anyone in education and athletics, or really anyone who just wants to be a good person and live a purposeful life!
Displaying 1 - 2 of 2 reviews