Healing the Trauma of Infidelity: Powerful Skills for Rebuilding Trust and Attachment to Find Love, Commitment, and Intimacy Again

by William M. Bumberry, John Flanagan (foreword), Trish Purnell-Webb (foreword)

Rebuild after betrayal with this trauma-informed guide—based on the powerful Gottman Method for helping couples heal from infidelity.

If your partner has been unfaithful to you, you no doubt feel deeply hurt, betrayed, disoriented and confused, angry, and emotionally overwhelmed. You may have feelings of distrust toward your partner, or worry that nothing will ever be the same between you again. You aren’t alone. Infidelity—whether an emotional or sexual affair—is all-too-common, and can leave you feeling broken inside. So, how can you heal the trauma of infidelity and rebuild trust with your partner?

Written by a psychologist and based on the Gottman Method for couples therapy, this book outlines a powerful, trauma-informed approach to help you and your partner heal from infidelity, strengthen love and intimacy, and rebuild trust after betrayal. You’ll find skills to help you cultivate a deeper bond with your partner—one that builds on friendship and shared experiences. You’ll also learn to set healthy boundaries, and manage the difficult and intense emotions that can occur after infidelity.

This book offers an evidence-based, three-phase approach to healing after

The Atonement Phase: Deal with the crisis of discovery and disclosure The Attunement Phase: Develop skills to address—rather than avoid—the relationship issues that contributed to infidelity and rebuild friendship The Attachment Phase: Work on physical and emotional intimacy and vulnerability   Infidelity is painful and often traumatic, but it doesn’t have to end or cloud your relationship forever. The powerful approach in this compassionate guide will help you and your partner make the positive changes needed to sustain a healthy connection for years to come.

176 pages, Paperback

Published September 1, 2025

Reviews

[Sinead Smyth · Rating 5 out of 5]

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 5/5 — A compassionate and truly helpful guide

Healing the Trauma of Infidelity by William Bumberry is one of the most thoughtful and accessible books I’ve read on recovering from an affair. It draws on Gottman’s research but translates it into clear, compassionate guidance that feels human and hopeful rather than clinical. It will be a good resource for me as a couples therapist who works with affair recovery.

What I really appreciated is how balanced it is. Bumberry writes with empathy for both the Hurt Partner and the Involved Partner, offering practical steps for each without judgment. The exercises are gentle but powerful, helping both people understand what’s happening inside themselves and between them.

I think that partners will feel guided rather than lectured in reading this book. The tone is kind, the examples are relatable, and the message is that healing—while hard—is possible. This book doesn’t just focus on repairing damage; it shows how couples can grow toward deeper connection and trust.

I’d recommend it to anyone navigating this painful journey who wants hope grounded in real research and compassion.

[Brad Fabling · Rating 5 out of 5]

In “Healing the Trauma of Infidelity,” Dr. Bumberry provides a path forward for couples dealing with the delicate and thorny issues around breaks in trust due to emotional and physical affairs. Using the Gottman’s protocol for processing affairs he gives his own, unique voice to provide in-depth discussion on loyalty, forgiveness, and the path to infidelity. Dr. Bumberry captures the raw emotions infidelity evokes with direct engagement with each partner in different sections of the book. He helps each partner explore their own reality of the affair while providing important decision points along the way. He masterfully lays out options each partner has including whether to continue in their relationship or not. But for couples who choose to rebuild trust, they will find this book an excellent resource in combination with a couple’s therapist to find hope, reconnect and develop intimacy for their future together.

[Tracy Turner-Bumberry · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an excellent resource for couples who are wishing to recommit to their marriage after an affair. Each chapter is attentively written to guide both the involved partner and hurt partner towards open communication and reconciliation. Specific exercises in this book enables each partner the time and space necessary to think deeply and process the thoughts, feelings and behaviors surrounding the infidelity. I highly recommend this book.

[Kayla · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a great overview of use of Gottman Method when an affair/betrayal is present, and written for couples (I'm reading as a therapist who does this method). There are some good questions in here I plan to use with my couples in these situations. I do feel it could have been more heavy on the atonement piece, as skills learned in attune / attach are published in multiple other books.