The Disengaged Teen: Helping Kids Learn Better, Live Better and Feel Better

by Jenny Anderson, Rebecca Winthrop

'Our education systems are short-changing far too many teenagers. This book is brimming with insights on how to change that. It’s an engaging, evidence-based, and practical read about how to develop a generation of lifelong learners.' – Adam Grant, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Hidden Potential and Think Again, and host of the podcast

A powerful new approach to help your teen move from disengagement to drive.

Adolescents are hardwired to explore and grow, and learning is mainly how they do this. But a shocking majority of teens are disengaged from school, simultaneously bored and overwhelmed. As parents, we can feel powerless and don’t know how to help – until now.

Based on five years of research into why children lose their love of learning, award-winning journalist Jenny Anderson and the Brookings Institution’s global education expert Rebecca Winthrop have created a transformative model that every parent, carer and educator needs to know about.

Identifying four modes of learning that every student goes through – resister, passenger, achiever and explorer – you’ll find out why understanding what these are is crucial to your child’s development and how you can coach them to become a curious, resilient and motivated learner.

With stories from children who have used the tools in this book to become life-long learners, and with clear strategies on how to become your child’s best cheerleader, this book is essential reading for everyone who wants to help young people thrive.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Education, Teaching, Psychology, Audiobook, Self Help

338 pages, Kindle Edition

Published March 20, 2025

Reviews

[Michelle · Rating 3 out of 5]

I picked this up on a whim from my local library. I liked how it started out - the four modes are useful information. I found this to be the most valuable part of the book. I really like how the author's encouraged parents not to focus on the mode as an identity but rather to allow the child to move among the modes as needed in certain settings and to know that a child might be passive/resistance in a school setting yet be an explorer in a different setting.

After a while I got tired of having climate change, privilege, random cursing, and having race issues subtly and not so subtly pushed at the reader at any moment it could be slipped in. Therefore, Part II of the book was lacking for me because this is the bulk of where that starts to pick up.

I found a lot of value in Part I so my recommendation would be to read Part I and then go read Dr. Kathy Koch's books - all of them really - but at least Five to Thrive, The 8 Great Smarts, and her book on Resiliency for some actionable steps to navigate some of these modes and the dangers of not belonging.

Then read The Anxious Generation or Dr. Kathy's Screens and Teens to get some better data and advice regarding technology and its hold on our society.

Last, I do appreciate that this book didn't vilify brick and mortar schools, nor did it act like the current educational system is the gold standard. I thought they did a good job of identifying some things that the schools really are lacking without casting them as public enemy number one.

[Zibby Owens · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book addresses the pressing issue around why so many teens feel disconnected from their education. Drawing on extensive research, it delves into the systemic challenges within education, the impact of technology, and the growing divide between what students are taught and the skills they need for the future. Through data and real-life narratives, the authors examine how emotions influence learning. They also offer practical strategies for parents and communities to build resilience in teens and encourages us to rethink how we support young people in school and beyond.

The authors’ exploration of the emotional side of learning and the invisible obstacles many teens face was eye-opening. The use of data and stories kept me engaged, while the actionable strategies for building confidence in teens felt practical and empowering. I think by using the "explorer mode," we can help teens connect with the world around them. This is a must-read for anyone who wants to better understand how to support today’s teens and help them thrive.

To listen to my interview with the authors, go to my podcast at: https://zibbymedia.com/blogs/transcri...

[Jena Abrahamsen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dives into the “Why” our teens are disengaged

Excellent and relevant for parents and teachers.
I like the way this author broke down the disengaged teens into 4 categories and then discussed how each are struggling in their own way.
The research/data was plentiful and thorough. Not persuasive, just informative.
In addition, it gave plenty of suggestions to help at home/classroom that were beyond the “take away tech” philosophy.
I plan to implement a lot of this suggested metacognitive instruction with my students/children as it focused on visualizing our future selves.

[Aggie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thought this was easy to understand and wished I listened to it sooner.

[Stacey Reynolds · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 ⭐ simplified and easy to understand with practical prompts and guidance. I definitely plan on utilizing the information in the book both as a parent and in the classroom.

[Jesse · Rating 5 out of 5]

Parents, teachers, and kids should read this.

If you struggle with motivation, read this.

I highlighted so much. I want to reread it if I ever have school age children. I am already thinking through how to implement it in my classroom AND in my own life.

[Steve Clark · Rating 5 out of 5]

Highly recommend for anyone who works with young people.

[Susan Fike · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read a copy from the library but ordering now so I can annotate and take excessive notes. Lots of good information in here-excellent for high school teachers to read.

[Sean Deegan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great book for reminders about what to focus on. I like reading these in the summer for inspiration

[Caroline Hagan · Rating 5 out of 5]

An absolute must-read for parents, educators, and anyone invested in our teens. This book is a game-changer in understanding and reigniting a love for learning during one of the most challenging stages of life.

What sets this book apart is actionable advice—strategies that feel intuitive, achievable, and tailored to the complexities of parenting in today’s world. It offers hope, not just for fostering academic success, but also for nurturing emotional well-being and self-discovery.

If you care about empowering teens to thrive—not just survive—this is the book you’ve been waiting for!

[JMB · Rating 5 out of 5]

It’s a book that teenagers’ parents will appreciate greatly. First, it’s a great read with very interesting stories to illustrate challenges and solutions. The 4 modes of learning described by the authors will probably be a ah-ha moment for many parents.Second, it’s packed with evidence-based tips. As a parent myself I can tell that these tips are very useful and effective.

[Sean Kern · Rating 5 out of 5]

Five stars for parents, four stars for teachers. Seems geared more directly for the former, but still some great foundational ideas to help support young people.

[Abby · Rating 4 out of 5]

A lot of really valuable information using identifiers that are easy to follow. I did find it at times a bit repetitive and longer than it needed to be but ultimately think it's a great resource for navigating the struggles kids are having with engaging not just in school, but in life. Covers all the territory that you're looking for with simple solutions that will probably just require a bit of patience and commitment.

[Laura · Rating 3 out of 5]

To be fair, I really skimmed through this one. I'm going to look at it again before school starts and see if there is more to glean.

But I didn't find it to be all that original or insightful, personally. I work with teens and live with teens, and there wasn't much in here that impressed me. I feel like I need to have someone who really got something out of it give me some insight. What did I miss?

[Maggie Carr · Rating 4 out of 5]

This one took me a bit to get through, but digesting it in sections left time to process and make connections multiple times with each of my kids, even the one who is 10 (not quite a teen). I definitely earmarked some sections to re-read in the next few years. While not all the research is their own, between the stories shared and how they correlate to each model the format of this book reminded me a lot of Brene Brown.

[Jed Bloom · Rating 2 out of 5]

200 pages bashing public schools
1 paragraph about how maybe tech companies are bad

There were a couple good nuggets in here (The Wise Feedback idea they took from the book 10 to 25 is good), but mostly it was limited research and unreatable anecdotes.

[Molly · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this for work, but I have to assume that if I had teens and they were disengaged that it would be helpful.

[Erin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Done. And good thoughts to think out

[Charles Clow · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wicked cool. Made me reevaluate some of my views, which will make me a better teacher.

[Taylor Neelon · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read this for work. Some good insights but a lot I already knew.

[Olivia Chesser · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed "The Disengaged Teen" - I would recommend for anyone interested in education and how to motivate children to learn and be interested in the world, in a society where children are increasingly hopeless and overwhelmed. Worth reading both for parents and those broadly interested in education.

[Lisa · Rating 3 out of 5]

I feel like the title is slightly misleading. It made me think it was going to be more about teens who aren't doing well in school because they simply don't care about it. The authors actually cover four different modes of student learning and discuss all of them equally.

My main take-aways were:

1. Those high-achieving kids that everyone focuses on may actually not be all that great, especially in the long-term.

2. Don't nag. Every parenting book always says this, but then doesn't really tell you what to do instead. This book does. I call it positive nagging because it's mostly just reframing the way we nag. Instead of saying, "You need to study for this test." try "What's your plan to get ready for this test?"

3. Rather than asking them generic questions about how school or their day was or what they learned, get more specific.

4. Lean in to their interests. This was the best part IMO. There are many things that inspire learning and becoming explorers outside of school. If your child is doing well in this area, you're doing a good job.

It was interesting to learn that those in achiever mode aren't necessarily better off than those in passenger mode, however, I don't think parents of achievers would really care all that much, because they're still doing what they want them to do. This section was a waste of time for me, as my kids could care less about school accolades. I don't see parents of achievers seeing the need to pick up this book, especially based on the title, even though those sections might do them some good.

I needed way more info on the passenger and resister modes. I was also a little disappointed on the resister mode. They stressed that most of the time resisters are that way because they're being bullied, are overwhelmed by academics or have mental health struggles. I have a resister with none of these issues. He's a total explorer outside of school and has big goals for himself. He just happens to think school will do nothing to help him achieve these goals. He's just incredibly strong-willed, so he resists school. Reading this didn't give me any insight on how to help him do better in school, which was the main reason I read this book. It did, at least, help me to not focus so much on school, but to appreciate how much of an explorer he is in other ways and how that can be so much more valuable than having an achiever who doesn't really care about anything other than doing well.

I really think this book is more appropriate for educators rather than parents. Unless, you have multiple children who are vastly different students, the material will be too broad for what you want. A lot of it is about changing the ways we teach kids, which doesn't help a whole lot unless you're the one making those decisions.

I was also really turned off by the need to mention the race of all the students in the stories they shared. It was awkward and mostly unnecessary to the topic. It felt like all the white kids were mentioned as being privileged and their problems were more on the parents end, while the minority kids were more victims of their environment. There are so many factors in a child's success besides race. If that were the case, the "privileged" wouldn't have any school problems. There was even one situation where the student's parents were going through a messy divorce, but they made it more about his race than all the trauma that he was probably experiencing at home. The race card was so heavy-handed at times that I almost took off a star.

Overall, my takeaways weren't exactly brand new info., but they were helpful reminders. If I can come away from a book with something to work on, I consider it worth my time to read. If it was heavier on passenger and resister with just brief info on achiever mode, it would have been much more up my alley. If you're in education read it, if you're a parent who needs help maybe read it with a lot of skimming.

[Jessica · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was easy to read with some good tips. I don't currently have any teenagers to practice what was said in the book to confirm it works or not but definitely good information for the future!

[Jj Ramberg · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found the descriptions of the four modes of learning incredibly helpful. And what I really loved is how the authors make it clear that your kid is not in one mode for all things forever. Rather, they may approach one subject in one mode and another subject in another mode -- and that can (and will) change over time. This, to me, reflects reality and helps parents find ways to inspire their children from where they are. I am not a big parenting book reader, but I really really loved this one.

[Steven Kolber · Rating 3 out of 5]

A good guide for parents, less so for teachers , but interesting and inspiring case studies to uplift those at the coal face or ‘parent face’ or whatever we might call that.

[M Shomaker · Rating 3 out of 5]

As a teacher, I felt that this is a great resource for parents. It gives a balanced and truthful look at what we try to accomplish and advice for how parents can support their teens.

[Dakshesh Thacker · Rating 4 out of 5]

In 2022, I was a graduate student at Columbia SIPA, seeking internship opportunities to gain experience working with an author on book writing. I had heard of Rebecca Winthrop and her impact on the Indian education nonprofit ecosystem through her previous book, Leapfrogging Inequality. I sent her a cold email, which surprisingly, she responded to and invited me to apply for a RA-ship with her intellectual home, The Brookings Institution's Center on Universal Education.

This book would never have landed on my to-read list had it not been for that email and had I not secured that RA-ship and spent a few months with Brookings adding whatever negligibly I could to the book's development. Despite my past background in education and teaching, I took almost two months to finish the book, which was deeply relatable in its thesis and unrelatable when learning about the context of the students highlighted in The Disengaged Teen.

In all honesty, I started the book with a few preconceived notions I have developed about education philosophy and policy in the West and its divorce from the reality we see in India and other parts of Asia. I was surprised to see a very strong and sincere effort by the authors to be as inclusive as they could in their constraints, and there are valuable lessons Global South readers can glean from The Disengaged Teen, especially those catering to students in international boards or centralized curriculum schools.

Procedurally, there are two highlights of the book. First is the deep research through interviews with students, parents, teachers, educationists, etc. (I can attest to this since I transcribed close to 20 of them) and not just a collection of insights through desk research followed by analysis. Second, the usage of these interviews in the narration as an illustration to elucidate concepts in psychology, pedagogy, etc., which would otherwise have been pretty dry. I can see how a lot of NGO leaders have borrowed storytelling techniques similar to Rebecca and Jenny's eloquence.

Content-wise- I found myself reading the first four chapters on each of the four archetypes, trying to place my students in each of the buckets at different times and thinking if it was MECE and helped me explain the various behavioral transitions I found in myself. While I definitely didn't find it to be MECE, I don't think that was the intention of the authors. I wish to particularly commend them for highlighting that this is not a technique to pigeonhole students since its very easy as a teacher or parent caught up in day-to-day work to box students and almost develop a fixed mindset. I too am guilty of the same for some of my students. Since the authors reiterate how students transition between these "modes" they are pushing us to break away from our stereotypical thinking.

The cornerstone of this book is coaching students to achieve the Explorer mode, and there are strong illustrations/case studies of how specific students got there. However, where I found a gap was in helping the reader understand how one can manage a student/child in Explorer mode. How does one ensure that they continue on the same journey and manage their intellectual energies? The audience would have been richer had there been greater fleshing out of the chapter on and an engagement toolkit for Explorers. I would also have preferred case studies/illustrations of student journeys outside the United States and England, but perhaps they needed to write for a specific target audience.

At the surface level, I would imagine that this book appeals to two audience segments- first, teachers and parents of middle and high school students. Second, perhaps other education theorists, teen psychologists and coaches. However, presently I don't fall in either of these buckets and still have a lot of takeaways about understanding my own learning and working styles. The section on managing stress and channelizing it positively is particularly helpful, and I would imagine it could appeal to an almost universal readership. I would most definitely recommend The Disengaged Teen to others as well, especially if you are seeking to understand how you can learn better even as an adult and coach yourself to remain an Explorer in your professional pursuits, even if your school and college days are long behind you. Perhaps this book will help you remain young at heart.

[James]

“Our education systems are shortchanging far too many teenagers. This book is brimming with insights on how to change that. It’s an engaging, evidence-based, and practical read about how to develop a generation of lifelong learners.”—Adam Grant, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Hidden Potential and Think Again, and host of the podcast Re:Thinking A powerful toolkit for parents of both checked-out and stressed-out teens that shows exactly what to do (and stop doing) to support their academic and emotional flourishing. Adolescents are hardwired to explore and grow, and learning is mainly how they do this. But a shocking majority of teens are disengaged from school, simultaneously bored and overwhelmed. This is feeding an alarming teen mental health crisis. As kids get older and more independent, parents often feel powerless to help. But fear not, there are evidence-backed strategies to guide them from disengagement to drive, in and out of school. For the past five years, award-winning journalist Jenny Anderson and the Brookings Institution’s global education expert Rebecca Winthrop have been investigating why so many children lose their love of learning in adolescence. Now, weaving extensive original research with real-world stories of kids who transformed their relationships with learning, they identify four modes of learning that students use to navigate through the shifting academic demands and social dynamics of middle and high school, shaping the internal narratives about their skills, potential, and identity: • Resister. When kids resist, they struggle silently with profound feelings of inadequacy or invisibility, which they communicate by ignoring homework, playing sick, skipping class, or acting out. • Passenger. When kids coast along, consistently doing the bare minimum and complaining that classes are pointless. They need help connecting school to their skills, interests, or learning needs. • Achiever. When kids show up, do the work, and get consistently high grades, their self-worth can become tied to high performance. Their disengagement is invisible, fueling a fear of failure and putting them at risk for mental health challenges. • Explorer. When kids are driven by internal curiosity rather than just external expectations, they investigate the questions they care about and persist to achieve their goals. Understanding your child’s learning modes is vital for nurturing their ability to become Explorers. Anderson and Winthrop outline simple yet counterintuitive parenting strategies for connecting with your child, tailoring your listening and communication styles to their needs, igniting their curiosity, and building self-awareness and emotional regulation.

[Colin · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book is littered with what I call "everyone knows" science - not backed up by any studies just a general consensus in the ether of social science and internet chatter proven by simply repeating it over and over- teenagers need to be mollycoddled with building their self-confidence, only minorities are bullied and marginalized - even those who get full support from the school staff and are given full scholarships. Teenagers should not have to deal with unfairness and adversity and if they do it's because of these faceless inimical forces they are not smart enough to see and confront - everyone knows this. As a result, even when the authors try to lean on studies, it undermines their premise as their foundation is already built on sand. They stampede towards "accepted" generalizations, then retreat to handpicked studies. They define four categories of disengagement: Passenger, Achiever, Resister and Explorer - which do help to put some of our teenager habits into a more clear light. Then they follow with such novel gems of advice like setting limits on technology and talking to your teenagers. We have two boys - they don't have ADHD, they are not "marginalized" minorities being offered full rides to expensive universities - in fact they are part of a national crisis with boys that is acknowledged by all but also ignored because of lack of will to do anything about it. Boys are not going to college, those few that do go to college are not finishing and not attaining even the most basic milestones until much later - but the boys are fine because they aren't marginalized minorities. Author Twenge's books are much better at defining the problem, the origins of these challenges and some more realistic options with fewer baseless platitudes. I did speak with my boys about these categories to get a sense of what they think of them, to which I got the familiar "unh." The authors somehow miss out on the rather common dynamic of the parent encouraging their self discovered interests only to find out supporting them in their pursuit is robbing them of their agency and ownership of that interest. So, my son likes playing guitar, we do everything we can to support and encourage it and he feels it's no longer his interest, but our project. I don't blame the authors for trying to tackle a difficult subject, I just get frustrated with this "everyone knows" science. Aside from a quick review of their four categories, which might be helpful to some, this book is a waste of time offering little insight and just beating a familiar baseless drumbeat of platitudes.

[Lea · Rating 5 out of 5]

I expected this to be an interesting, perhaps even thought provoking read.

It was much more than that.

This is a thoroughly and thoughtfully researched book, with both honest and accessible insights, as well as practical recommendations.

Wearing my education leader hat, I took notes and have ideas for where I need to reflect, reread, and reconsider. Wearing my parent hat, I flagged pages and took notes into my journal and made some plans for how I’ll approach teenage hood with my own kids.

Then there is the more profound bit— the authors made themselves human and vulnerable, and I really appreciate how they connected the dots between the power of learning with societal implications, backed both with top line data and authentic anecdotes. It felt honest, not contrived.

I’ll be picking this one back up again and I’ll also be recommending it to others.