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Kill all Men
Masters of the universe don’t usually wash up in low paid, public sector jobs, but that’s exactly what happened to Carl Waxman following the banking crisis.
If his pay grade and lack of champagne lunches weren’t insult enough, he now has to attend lectures on equality and diversity, embrace differentiation, and park his beloved BMW roadster at the far end of the college car park without the aid of a valet. Worse still, he has to put up with the insufferable humiliation of drip fed memos from his radical feminist boss, reminding him to use comic sans and terms such as ‘learners’ instead of ‘students’.
The novel opens with Carl juggling several pressing issues in his tiny college
* Who has defaced the ‘women’s month’ poster again?
* Will the apathy of youth effect the country’s economic prospects?
* Should he have sex with his degree students?
Carl sometimes turns to educational theory for answers but more often than not, he defers to Apocalypse Now - The greatest man-movie ever man-made.
Never one to be kept down for long, Carl perseveres with his attempts to restart his former lucrative career by drawing on a network of colleagues from the financial sector; colleagues from whom he is determined to hide his current predicament.
‘If word ever gets out I’ve gone native; gone public sector, I’d never get a proper job again.’
However, a particularly gruesome encounter with his sadomasochistic ex-colleague, ‘Svetlana’ at a Gatwick hotel, leaves him with severe testicular trauma. As a result, he is forced to attend compulsory appointments with a psychoanalyst who misdiagnosis him with gender dysphoria and is determined to support him through his ‘difficult journey‘ to become a woman. Another ill conceived networking opportunity results in him being blackmailed into marriage.
But those are only the start of his problems. On the verge of losing his freedom, his job, his car, his home, his testicles and quite possible his life to Islamic extremists following a misunderstanding at the Brighton SlutWalk, Carl is thrown a lifeline by the college’s gay, equality and diversity officer, Jeremy. But there is no such thing as a free lunch, and Carl must decide whether full sex reassignment surgery is a price worth paying to re-build his life and to taste the sweet breads of success again.
When testicles get in the way of progress, something has to give.
If his pay grade and lack of champagne lunches weren’t insult enough, he now has to attend lectures on equality and diversity, embrace differentiation, and park his beloved BMW roadster at the far end of the college car park without the aid of a valet. Worse still, he has to put up with the insufferable humiliation of drip fed memos from his radical feminist boss, reminding him to use comic sans and terms such as ‘learners’ instead of ‘students’.
The novel opens with Carl juggling several pressing issues in his tiny college
* Who has defaced the ‘women’s month’ poster again?
* Will the apathy of youth effect the country’s economic prospects?
* Should he have sex with his degree students?
Carl sometimes turns to educational theory for answers but more often than not, he defers to Apocalypse Now - The greatest man-movie ever man-made.
Never one to be kept down for long, Carl perseveres with his attempts to restart his former lucrative career by drawing on a network of colleagues from the financial sector; colleagues from whom he is determined to hide his current predicament.
‘If word ever gets out I’ve gone native; gone public sector, I’d never get a proper job again.’
However, a particularly gruesome encounter with his sadomasochistic ex-colleague, ‘Svetlana’ at a Gatwick hotel, leaves him with severe testicular trauma. As a result, he is forced to attend compulsory appointments with a psychoanalyst who misdiagnosis him with gender dysphoria and is determined to support him through his ‘difficult journey‘ to become a woman. Another ill conceived networking opportunity results in him being blackmailed into marriage.
But those are only the start of his problems. On the verge of losing his freedom, his job, his car, his home, his testicles and quite possible his life to Islamic extremists following a misunderstanding at the Brighton SlutWalk, Carl is thrown a lifeline by the college’s gay, equality and diversity officer, Jeremy. But there is no such thing as a free lunch, and Carl must decide whether full sex reassignment surgery is a price worth paying to re-build his life and to taste the sweet breads of success again.
When testicles get in the way of progress, something has to give.
300 pages, Kindle Edition
First published May 23, 2014
1 person is currently reading
14 people want to read
About the author
Phil Hipside
3 books7 followersPhil is currently a builder who writes occasionally.
'Kill All Men' is his first published novel but the highlight of his career was a patio he laid last year, which you could literally play snooker on.
Yes literally.
He’s had many jobs - heavy metal drummer to whale poo collector; yachtsman to graphics lecturer – a public sector job that was the inspiration behind his book.
Suddenly finding himself with three children, Phil is now planning a solo circumnavigation of the globe, a trip which he anticipates will take several years.
In the meantime, for patios - call Phil for a competitive quote.
'Kill All Men' is his first published novel but the highlight of his career was a patio he laid last year, which you could literally play snooker on.
Yes literally.
He’s had many jobs - heavy metal drummer to whale poo collector; yachtsman to graphics lecturer – a public sector job that was the inspiration behind his book.
Suddenly finding himself with three children, Phil is now planning a solo circumnavigation of the globe, a trip which he anticipates will take several years.
In the meantime, for patios - call Phil for a competitive quote.
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Displaying 1 of 1 review
July 8, 2015
If I’m completely honest, the reviews of this book made me wonder if I would read this book and end up setting it alight in protest.
I originally thought perhaps the warnings of just how offensive this book, was an attempt to drum up interest in this novel. I was wrong. The anti-hero of this story Carl, is the single-most chauvinistic, prejudiced and offensive character I have ever read. I have never read a character I disliked so much in my life. His offense of anyone and everyone might put many people off this book, however I hope that anyone considering reading this book would give it a try.
The writing is clever and intelligent and once you see Carl for who and what he is, I think most people will see parts of themselves or others in him. Perhaps not in the bigoted part of him, but in in his everyday struggle against a bureaucratic system, which seems hell-bent on keeping him in his place and sometimes even lower than that.
I must admit that when he was in physical pain, it made me smile a little after all his chauvinist rantings the feminist in me was celebrating his misfortunes.
This is not a genre I typically read however I am glad that I dipped my toe in. Phil Hipsides witty commentary of the unfortunate Carl Waxman’s life is highly original, entertaining and is definitely one I would recommend to my fellow bookworms.
Displaying 1 of 1 review