در باب شکست

by The School of Life, زهرا میالی (Translator)

در باب شکست همانطور که از نامش پیداست به موضوعی می‌پردازد که آدم‌ها در طول زندگی بارها و بارها آن را تجربه می‌کنند. خواندن این کتاب برای آن‌هایی که هدف مهمی دارند و برای رسیدن به آن روزشماری می‌کنند مناسب است. همان‌ها که هر صبح به قصد رسیدن به هدف از خواب برمی‌خیزند و شب‌ها در رویای رسیدن به آن به خواب می‌روند. همان‌ها که در راه رسیدن به هدف، زمین می‌خورند اما با نیرویی بیشتر ادامه می‌دهند. همان‌ها که خسته می‌شوند اما جا نمی‌زنند. همان‌ها که می‌دانند زندگی منتظر ما نمی‌ماند و به روند طبیعی خود ادامه می‌دهد. همان‌ها که می‌دانند شکست، با زندگی عجین است و در کنار همهٔ رسیدن‌ها، ممکن است یک بار به آن چه که می‌خواهیم نرسیم اما این نه نقطهٔ پایان که اتفاقا می‌تواند نقطه‌ای برای آغاز باشد. شکست همانقدر که می‌تواند دردناک باشد، التیام‌بخش نیز هست. چه بسیار آدم‌ها که در مسیر زندگی، شکست‌های عجیب و غریبی را از سر گذرانده‌اند و شب و روزهایی را تجربه کرده‌اند که قابل پیش بینی نبوده اما از دل این بحران‌ها به سلامت بیرون آمده‌اند و خودشان را برای ادامهٔ زندگی آماده کرده‌اند. هیچ چیز قدرتمندتر از زندگی نیست و این کتاب به ما یادآوری می‌کند که می‌توان هر شکستی را مدیریت کرد و پشت سر گذاشت چرا که شکست هم جزئی از روند زندگی است و ما باید این را بپذیریم. ممکن است در لحظات اول، خود را ببازیم اما نمی‌توان جریان زندگی را نادیده گرفت و با غم شکست به آن ادامه داد. هر بار که قدم در راهی می‌گذاریم و هدفی برای خود انتخاب می‌کنیم، باید احتمال بدهیم که شکست هم می‌تواند در راه باشد اما این اتفاقی غیر عادی نیست و ممکن است برای هر کسی پیش بیاید.

Genres: Self Help, Psychology, Nonfiction, Philosophy, Mental Health

244 pages, Paperback

Published January 1, 2022

About the author

The School of Life is a global organisation helping people lead more fulfilled lives.

We believe that the journey to finding fulfilment begins with self-knowledge. It is only when we have a sense of who we really are that we can make reliable decisions, particularly around love and work.

Sadly, tools and techniques for developing self-knowledge and finding fulfilment are hard to find – they’re not taught in schools, in universities, or in workplaces. Too many of us go through life without ever really understanding what’s going on in the recesses of our minds.

That’s why we created The School of Life; a resource for helping us understand ourselves, for improving our relationships, our careers and our social lives - as well as for helping us find calm and get more out of our leisure hours. We do this through films, workshops, books and gifts - as well as through a warm and supportive community.

Reviews

[Reading_ Tamishly · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you, The School of Life, for the advance reading copy.

I have been reading this book for the past few weeks ever since I got the advance reading copy. Yes, this is a book you just cannot read and absorb in one sitting. As the title says, the book defines all types of failure we might face and what we can do about it; how to handle them and actually how to face them.

I find this collection a little towards the spiritual as well as to the philosophical side at times. However, most basic parts are practical which I really appreciate.

It's totally insightful and helpful.

[Nadhira Paramawasti · Rating 4 out of 5]

(4.5) This is one of the books that you can not simply read once. This book gives the same effect as when we tell our dearest friend or family that we have failed in life and this book is their reply. It acts as an understanding friend with ears to listen attentively to your thoughts as well as offering “uh huh, yeah, I understand,” every 5 minutes. As well as reminding you that your world is not ending just because you make a humane mistake or two. This book will give us clarity that is our lives are not our failures. As well as taking our hands and guides us to look at ‘failure’ closely and in a different set of eyes.

This book contains abundant lessons and understandings on failure in every spectrum, that will still be compatible no matter in which spectrum your failure fall into. The analogies and histories that are being depicted makes every sense and very helpful. I highly recommend this book to anyone that has experienced failure or anyone with loved ones that needed a lending hand.

[Marys.bookgarden · Rating 2 out of 5]

If failure had a textbook written for it...this would be it.
Came back to this book after being unsure of it. Not an easy read and definitely not something you can read in one sitting. It may take you a few weeks to properly absorb the book. It's very philosophical and makes you think. There are some spiritual connections as well that some may relate to. "On Failure" breaks down the different types of "failures" and goes into depth about each "failure" and tells about why we feel them and how you can learn to cope and understand the feeling. For the most part, I read this book like it was a textbook. I didn't really enjoy reading it. At first, I wasn't going to give any feedback but I decided against it. I wanted to keep going and see if it was just me. I think this book just isn't for me. It was black and white. I wasn't super intrigued. I kept having to go back and read because I was getting confused or lost. This book may be good for someone who enjoys "textbook" reading. I did learn a few things from reading and for that I am grateful. However, this is not a book id read again.

[Imena Ginac · Rating 3 out of 5]

The School of Life is about learning to fail and to learn how to continue when you fail. As everyone fails in their life and failure is a part of our journey to grow, having actionable steps to implement is very helpful. Failure is not avoidable and everyone experiences it all the time. The question is though How do you continue afterwards? The book isn't though intended to be read in one sitting. You can of course if you want to, but it is split into different Chapters so you can look at different types of failures whenever you need to. While in situations where you need to deal with a lot of emotions, this book can help to move forward and to understand your emotions better.

[Giuseppe · Rating 5 out of 5]

Libro molto bello, stile collana The School of Life che è composto da due parti: la prima affronta il fallimento donando una prospettiva nuova a questo avvenimento che tutti noi abbiamo sperimentato, in forme e occasioni diverse, di piccola, media o devastante entità; la seconda affronta la paura di fallire, quando il fallimento non è reale, ma è prodotto dalla nostra mente; personalmente ho adorato più questa seconda parte; un libro davvero utile anche per chi sente di non aver fallito mai (improbabile). Davvero consigliato

[Nils · Rating 5 out of 5]

Definitely up to the usual high standards of the SoL canon. At times was like reading a history of myself; not so much my failures but of the psychological soundtrack of my life. Packed with wisdom and insight. Essential reading and I’ll be coming back to this book many times.

[Lector Nómada · Rating 5 out of 5]

School of Life es la nueva Biblia. Exactamente lo que necesitaba.

[Mark · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not sure what people liked about this book. Sufficiently inadequate to keep me from considering any more of the School of Life books. Too superficial to be useful, and certainly lacking anything reminding me of school.

[Dan · Rating 4 out of 5]

My thanks to both NetGalley and The School of Life for an advanced copy of this book on trauma of failing ourselves and others both real and imagined.

The siren song of failure is one that has dragged many people down into the depths of depression, where all we can see, and think about is how much of a screw-up in life, love, family, career, basically all ways human. It's hard sometimes nigh on impossible to escape it's grasp once it has a hold on one's psyche. And in failure I mean both the real, say a business going under because of bad decisions. Also the failure of being a success, that one does not deserve that raise, that dream job, because of fear of being a loser. Sadly both these ideas can exist in the same space. On Failure: How to Succeed at Defeat by The School of Life, is a book that tries to help us deal with these thoughts and other thoughts on failure, a problem that seems to effect a lot of people.

Right at the top there are no false claims that this book will help a person in anyway. True change lies with the person, the book can only help make these changes possible. This is not a self improvement book where a writer has a plan that in 50-120 days your life will change, your skin will clear and love will be all around you. This is more a philosophy, psychology and advice tale, with stories and ideas to help a person deal with things. Failure is real. A person can lose a job or a companion, or family member, sometimes physically by making the wrong decision, ignoring the facts, or just bad luck. This is life. Imagined failings, I'm not smart enough for this job, i'm a failure and everyone knows that is similar but sometimes harder to discuss or deal with. The book is broken in various chapters about these subjects with ideas, advice, and sometimes brutal honesty, which makes the book refreshing.

The writing can seem mean sometimes. However they book is honest about what it can and cannot do. There is no magic wand, no special word that will make it all go away, or turn a failure feeling into a successful feeling. However what comes across most in the writing is, you are not alone, this has happened, and is happening to others. Talking might, or might not help. Asking for forgiveness might help, and asking for forgiveness of yourself is always a possibility. Appearance is everything in this country and world. If you unmarried, don't look successful, but happy, well you might be viewed as a failure. Divorced, working 90 hours a week, but with a great car and house and suicidal thoughts, the world will consider that a success. One never knows the inner struggles that a person faces, only our own. This book kind of helps to understand it.

Before reading this I read the Paul Newman biography, one that he had worked on for years and eventually shelved, due to many reasons. What came across, and Newman even admitted it, was that he felt like a loser, a fraud and a failure, as a son, a father, a husband, actor and man. Maybe this feeling changed but for the first 50 years of his life this was a constant. So if Paul Newman, heartthrob, actor, man's man, can feel like a failure, what hope do we mere mortals have. And yet he persisted. That's all we can do. This book will help a person keep fighting. And persisting.

[Domenica Puglisi · Rating 3 out of 5]

In Fallire e vivere felici l'autore, divide il testo in due parti, dove nella prima elenca e spiega i vari tipi di fallimenti in cui si può incorrere nella vita, come gestire le reazioni "cattive" delle persone che si confrontano con chi ha perso o sbagliato, come gestire il paragone con gli amici o le persone in genere che sembrino non fallire mai. Spiega come gestire l'amore e l'affetto famigliare e il concetto di rispettabilità borghese, su come anch'esso influisca sulla prospettiva del fallimento. E infine la conclude dando delle possibili vie per affrontare tutto ciò, prendendo in considerazione il cosmo, l'intero universo per ricordarci che in fin dei conti non siamo nulla rispetto a tutto ciò che c'è fuori come le stelle e le galassie lontane anni luce e che, di conseguenza, anche le azioni e le relative conseguenze che hanno portato al fallimento sono nulle. Oltre a questo fa gli stessi paragoni con la storia, con i numerosi eventi che si sono susseguiti nei millenni e che, per forza di cose sono stati dimenticati, nonostante tutto. Ed ancora il paesaggio che ci circonda, prendendo ad esempio i deserti, dovrebbero ricordarci, anche in questo caso quanto siamo piccoli.
Anche il tempo, così come per la storia, porta a far dimenticare a chi ha fallito ma soprattutto a chi giudica, l'oggetto stesso del fallimento e dovrebbe farci capire che alla fine, tutto passa e può essere accettato.
Questo concetto finale si ripete anche nella seconda parte dove si parla dell'ipotetico fallimento o meglio di quello definito immaginario, delle paure e delle frustrazioni, dei traumi che si ripercuotono sulla vita adulta e su come conviverci e soprattutto su come avere una vita meno stressante, prendendosi del tempo per riflettere, riposare la mente quando non ne può più osservando la natura, passando gli amici ma quelli "giusti", cioè quelli che capiscono il nostro dolore, che non lo scherniscono e non lo condannano, coloro che sanno amare e perdonare.
Se in un primo momento ero un po' sbalordita e perplessa, gli esempi riportati mi sembravano troppo lontani da me, e per questo il libro mi stava annoiando un po' facendomi andare a rilento, mi sono ricreduta nella seconda parte, ho ritrovato parti che mi hanno fatto riflettere e pensare ad alcuni eventi che, a volte mi provocano ansia e mi sono "rivista" in alcune descrizioni.
Sarà servito a qualcosa? Non lo so, forse in parte si, perché è vero, preoccuparsi prima, immaginare mille scenari serve solo a stare male e poi, alla fine, non si verifica tutto ciò che si pensa e che, se anche qualcosa non va per il verso giusto, si sopravvive, si va avanti e le cose a poco a poco migliorano.

[Dierregi · Rating 3 out of 5]

For those already attuned to the insightful musings of The School of Life's YouTube channel, "On Failure" promises an expanded foray into the ever-popular subject of... well, failure. And let's face it, in a world inundated with self-help books on how to succeed, it's quite a refreshing change to be handed a handbook on how to embrace your inevitable downfall. Yes, you read that right – if you've somehow dodged life's curveballs so far, brace yourself. This book kindly informs you that failure is not just a possibility; it's a certainty.

But don't worry, it's probably not going to be a colossal catastrophe. No, it’s more likely to be a series of minor disasters that remind you of life's unpredictability. The book mirrors the channel's stoic realism, diving into various types of failure before kindly offering up some solutions. One particularly quirky suggestion involves befriending ex-convicts. Apparently, these seasoned veterans of life’s harsher lessons make for the best companions for us mere mortals grappling with failure. It’s an interesting take, to say the least, though one might find it slightly eccentric.

After an exhaustive exploration of "real" failures – losing your job, going broke, getting caught in a scandal, or landing in jail – the book shifts gears to discuss the "metaphysical" kind. Let's jump into the mental torment of potential, imagined disasters, because why only suffer real failures when you can worry about hypothetical ones too?

As always, there's a generous nod to the damaging legacies left by our ever-blameworthy parents, and the Herculean task of overcoming childhood traumas as adults. It’s a familiar tune if you've read any of Alain de Botton’s previous works – the man behind The School – whose tone here feels more mature, perhaps a touch more melancholic, yet unwaveringly stoic in confronting life's harsh truths.

While I appreciate de Botton's efforts to offer solace through his body of work, both online and on paper, this book might just skim the surface for those well-versed in the art of failure. In summary, "On Failure" is a decent read, particularly for those new to the topic, but seasoned veterans of life's downfalls might find it a tad too superficial.

[Charles Francis · Rating 5 out of 5]

Once again, I thank NetGalley for the opportunity to read this wonderful book. It is one of the best books I have read this year. If you are ready to have your emotions rocked, to have a lifeline thrown to you, to re-examen your life, to step back from the ledge, then I encourage you to pick this gem up.

The book starts off with the many types of failures, addresses suicide, the meanness of the world, etc., with many examples. It also, which is very important outlines a path forward, how to cope and deal with your failure.

I had a lot of trepidation when I first started to read. Frankly, I was afraid of what I would uncover in my own self-examination. As the introduction states, this is a book about failing, messing up, disappointing others, letting ourselves down and ruining our lives. The introduction goes on to say it is a book that is intended to be read at desperate moments: when we can't stop crying, when all our hopes have been dashed and when we are too ashamed of ourselves to reach out for help. I would say, you don't have to be in that dire of of need to read this book, but if you are, it is a balm for the psyche and the soul.

For those who read this and say I have not failed and I don't need to read this, my question to you is, are you so sure? Perhaps it was a marriage, raising a kid, not being there for a friend, abandonment, a scandal at work, etc. We have all failed, some more that others and if you think you have not, live long enough and you will. Some failures are life altering and others may not alter your life on the outside, but resonate for a lifetime inside, either way it is failure and how to deal with it the book addresses. It offers hope to all of us.

[Benjamin Hare · Rating 4 out of 5]

My soul was scooped out and souffled by this little book designed to be read at the worst possible moments of life; when all hope is lost, every penny is spent, all bridges are burned, and non-existence seems a preferable alternative to suffering. The introduction makes it clear this is going to be a rough ride: "This book aspires to be read in lonely hotel rooms and on the platforms of deserted railway stations. Its intended audience are those who bewail their fate, who wish they had never been born, who are going out of their minds with worry and who can barely remember a day when they were last not in agony." Some of the text will haunt me forever. I was not—emphatically not—ready for this book. The second chapter is titled "Should I kill myself?" and the question is taken seriously. The chapters on Imposter Syndrome, self-hatred, and fear are triumphs of mental distress put into prose. Each essay is a protracted, throat-sore scream that draws breath and then repeats periodically for 273 pages. I simultaneously adore and despise the way each subject is given a respectful, compassionate analysis. Some days the material was so depressing, the lessons so real, that I could only make it through a few pages. Highly recommended, but steel yourself to undergo some tough introspection.

[Jitendra Vishen · Rating 5 out of 5]

When you are messed up , when you have disappointed others , when you have let yourself down, when you have ruined your own life. What do you do when all your hopes have been dashed and when we are too ashamed of ourselves to reach out for help. What do you do ?

The closer you look at a true, lived tragedy; the harder it is for words to have any useful impact. What can be said to a person who has just lost their livelihood, who has witnessed a loved one die, Who has ruined his professional career, Who will never be able to set foot in his home town again ? The challenge is so large. The psych is so ruined that they might simply prefer silence.

I think this book can change a life and give courage to move on with dignity.

[Chris Boutté · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was just strange. It’s been a while since I’ve read a School of Life book, but I was curious so grabbed a few, and I’m hoping the others are better. Based on the title and the synopsis, you’d think this book is about dealing with failure. While it sort of is, it oddly discusses suicide quite a bit. It’s like, “Hey, let’s calm down a bit. People can fail without being suicidal.”

The tone lightens up a bit about halfway through this short book. There’s some practical advice, but the main issue with this book is that they tried to cast too wide of a net with the audience. Something I learned a long time ago was that if you write for everybody, you write for nobody. This book could be worse, but I’m also sure there are plenty of better books on failure.

[Dione Hanke · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is about learning to fail well! What?
Failure is nothing that I ever dreamed would be something I would want to learn to do well. It was always something I wanted to avoid at all costs.
Unfortunately, failure is something that we all do and have to deal with. We might as well learn to turn it into something positive. This book has actionable tips to help us do that. This book also reminds us that we are not alone when we fail - everyone fails.
The book is divided up into two sections - types of failure and fear of failure. The table of contents is detailed so you could use the book when you need it and just read the chapters that are related to your current issues.

[Greg Oxenham · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not your traditional book. This book doesn't really have a narrative and isn't intended to be read as a complete work in one sitting. Instead, it is split into chapters which look at different types of failures individually. Each chapter has truly insightful and humane things to say about the moments which crush us and the nature of feeling like we have failed. It is written with a lot of warmth and understanding while dealing with some of the hardest emotions we might otherwise face in solitude.

[Felasiana Nurjihan · Rating 5 out of 5]

It’s a wholesome book that is very much needed by everyone who has been experienced by FAILURE. Maybe this book isn’t that only book of self-help, where you can find bunch of solutions. Beside, this book is the one to help you dealing with your failure and how to overcome it. Every single words are therapeutic and calming making you want to lose deeply inside its words. Like I always said, TSoL always be a accompaniment for us who lose way and sense of life.

[Sara · Rating 3 out of 5]

Non ti dice “andrà tutto bene” e neppure “gne gne”.
Offre un punto di vista diverso e interessante che può essere difficile da digerire.
Letto oggi nel 2025, dalla prospettiva storica nella quale viviamo, é un po’ classista.
Un borghese arricchito non accetta il fallimento ma si riprende.
Uno che non arriva alla fine del mese e con questo mercato del lavoro… damn!

P.S. Comunque ho scoperto altri traumi infantili. Yeah!

[Sym · Rating 4 out of 5]

An interesting read. I particularly enjoyed the practical focus on actual and perceived failure. It covers different areas of life, thoroughly, and sympathetically. This is a good title to dip into when times are good and I think would provide a much needed boost when life is a struggle. It offers solutions and is a title I would highly recommend everyone reads.

[Ann T · Rating 3 out of 5]

Failure, we all experience it, it’s part of life. This little book shares what failure is and the meaning that is often attributed it to. Is there a better way we can reframe these experiences ? The authors answer this question and more on failure, through their school of life.
A thought provoking, interesting read.

[Kathleen Duffy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thanks, NetGalley, for an advanced copy of this book. The writing style was dry and clinical, and I often found myself reading it in my head in monotone. But it had some interesting points within it; just felt like a mildly cynical textbook on failure.

[Murali Veeraiyan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Book on how to make friends with failure so that you are able to control your anxiety. Will be of great help to people who currently are considered “failures” and those who are constantly dreading “future failures”.

[Аichurok · Rating 4 out of 5]

A philosophical, melancholic, yet hopeful book on how to cope with different types of failures and defeats in life. Many of the ideas in the book are not new to me, but it was still nice to read this wholesome and grounding book at this point in my life.

[Jessica Min · Rating 3 out of 5]

Soft and comforting in its gloomy take on how to deal with failure - accept that we are all flawed and life is full of much more futility and lack of sense then we try argue it is. A bit depressive but a healthy dose of acceptance can be helpful in most circumstances

[Mohamed Feddad · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting, but not that philosophically insightful, probably I was expecting too much given it's the school of life.

[Inas · Rating 4 out of 5]

i love it!!!!

probably will reread it in the future~

[Scarlet · Rating 4 out of 5]

Goes through all the types of failure and how to cope

[Deniz]

Not for me

[Shahnaz Aura · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this at the right moment.