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Queerly Beloved: A Love Story Across Genders
Imagine if, after fifteen years as a lesbian couple, your partner turned to you and said, "I think I'm really a man." What would you do? How would you respond? For Diane and Jacob (née Suzy) Anderson-Minshall this isn't a hypothetical question. It's what really happened. Eight years later, the couple not only remains together, they still identify as queer, still work in LGBT media, and remain part of the LGBT community. How did their relationship survive a gender transition? The authors explore this question and delve into their relationship to reveal the trials and tribulations they have faced along the way. In doing so, they paint a portrait of love, not only to each other, but to the San Francisco Bay Area, LGBT publishing, and the queer community. Queerly Beloved is a love story that flies in the face of expectations and raises questions about the true nature of identity, sexuality, and love.
264 pages, Kindle Edition
First published May 11, 2014
9 people are currently reading
258 people want to read
About the author
Diane Anderson-Minshall
8 books5 followersDiane Anderson-Minshall is the executive editor of Curve magazine, the country's best-selling lesbian magazine. The co-founder & former executive editor of Girlfriends magazine and the co-founder & former editor/publisher of Alice magazine, Anderson-Minshall's writing-which focuses primarily on lesbian life, popular culture, travel, entertainment and celebrities-has appeared in dozens of magazines including Passport, Film Threat, Utne Reader, Wine X, India Currents, Teenage, Bitch, Seventeen, American Forests, Femme Fatale, Diva, The Advocate, Fabula, Bust, Natural Health, Venus, and numerous newspapers.
Her essays have also appeared in several anthologies including Reading The L Word: Outing Contemporary Television; Bitchfest: Ten Years of Cultural Criticism from the Pages of Bitch Magazine; Body Outlaws; Closer to Home: Bisexuality and Feminism; Young Wives Tales: New Adventures in Love and Partnership; 50 Ways to Support Gay & Lesbian Equality; and Tough Girls. Anderson-Minshall is the co-editor of the anthology Becoming: Young Ideas on Gender, Race and Sexuality and co-author of the upcoming Blind Eye mystery series. Diane was recently named one of PowerUp's 2006 Top Ten Amazing Women in Showbiz, for her work with lesbian filmmakers.
Her essays have also appeared in several anthologies including Reading The L Word: Outing Contemporary Television; Bitchfest: Ten Years of Cultural Criticism from the Pages of Bitch Magazine; Body Outlaws; Closer to Home: Bisexuality and Feminism; Young Wives Tales: New Adventures in Love and Partnership; 50 Ways to Support Gay & Lesbian Equality; and Tough Girls. Anderson-Minshall is the co-editor of the anthology Becoming: Young Ideas on Gender, Race and Sexuality and co-author of the upcoming Blind Eye mystery series. Diane was recently named one of PowerUp's 2006 Top Ten Amazing Women in Showbiz, for her work with lesbian filmmakers.
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Displaying 1 - 23 of 23 reviews
August 25, 2016
This is not your usual transition memoir. Are there enough transition memoirs out there for that to be a valid statement? In any case, it departed from what I've read previously in several important ways.
First, it was written by two people, Jacob (who transitioned) and Diane, his wife of 15+ years. It was very thorough - Jacob and Diane held nothing back, and examined every corner of their relationship and experience, even some things they had never told each other before writing. This was actually less a memoir of Jacob's transition from being Suzy, and more a memoir of their transition together from being a lesbian couple to being a male-female couple, and their attendant growth and struggles during the process and over time.
Second, Diane and Jacob couched their story in their own feminist politics, and in their own long-standing participation in the LGBTQ community. The few other transition memoirs that I have read... this may be treading on dangerous ground, but hear me out... they read as the story of a bio-woman's path to becoming a man indistinguishable from bio-men (complicated because he had been socialized as a woman for his entire life) or vice versa, a bio-man's path to becoming a woman. That is to say that they focused a lot on the steps in transition, learning social cues, etc., etc. This novel had some of that, but it read more as someone (Jacob) finally finding himself... and the disproportionate amount of furor from the outside world that surrounded this self-discovery. Jacob seemed to care less about being a man as defined by society than about being himself -- though he also questioned how much of his self-image was defined by societal norms. I loved all of this reflection.
This is all to say that the book was quite interesting, and an important addition to the small amount of literature that there is on the subject. It would make an interesting read for anyone who is in or wants to be in a long-term relationship, because of the insight into what allowed Diane and Jacob to succeed against the odds. If I had one wish from the book, I would wish that we could see more of Diane and Jacob and how they interact - they tried to explain what makes them tick, and the glue that holds them together, but I would have liked to see some of that from an outside perspective.
First, it was written by two people, Jacob (who transitioned) and Diane, his wife of 15+ years. It was very thorough - Jacob and Diane held nothing back, and examined every corner of their relationship and experience, even some things they had never told each other before writing. This was actually less a memoir of Jacob's transition from being Suzy, and more a memoir of their transition together from being a lesbian couple to being a male-female couple, and their attendant growth and struggles during the process and over time.
Second, Diane and Jacob couched their story in their own feminist politics, and in their own long-standing participation in the LGBTQ community. The few other transition memoirs that I have read... this may be treading on dangerous ground, but hear me out... they read as the story of a bio-woman's path to becoming a man indistinguishable from bio-men (complicated because he had been socialized as a woman for his entire life) or vice versa, a bio-man's path to becoming a woman. That is to say that they focused a lot on the steps in transition, learning social cues, etc., etc. This novel had some of that, but it read more as someone (Jacob) finally finding himself... and the disproportionate amount of furor from the outside world that surrounded this self-discovery. Jacob seemed to care less about being a man as defined by society than about being himself -- though he also questioned how much of his self-image was defined by societal norms. I loved all of this reflection.
This is all to say that the book was quite interesting, and an important addition to the small amount of literature that there is on the subject. It would make an interesting read for anyone who is in or wants to be in a long-term relationship, because of the insight into what allowed Diane and Jacob to succeed against the odds. If I had one wish from the book, I would wish that we could see more of Diane and Jacob and how they interact - they tried to explain what makes them tick, and the glue that holds them together, but I would have liked to see some of that from an outside perspective.
May 1, 2014
I received a free copy of this book from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
I had to create both an autobiography and non-fiction shelf because I usually don't read this genre. I requested this book, however, based on the description which intrigued me.
Suzy Anderson-Minshall and Diane Anderson-Minshall were a happily married Lesbian couple for 15 years before Suzy finally identified herself as a man. In this autobiography, the couple chronicles their life together in back and forth points of view, and how they stayed together even after Suzy's transition to Jacob.
While this is only one couple's transgender experience and I know is not the be all end all of transgender information, I still feel like a learned a lot from reading this book. If Diane, someone who has identified herself as a lesbian and came out in her teens, is now married to a man, can she no longer identify herself as a lesbian? It was interesting to hear that she had to defend her identity against people who claimed she could no longer be a lesbian if she was married to a man. Additionally, as a prominent writer in the Lesbian community and an editor of the most popular Lesbian magazine, Curves, she faced uncertainty in her career as well as her marriage. How could she be at the forefront of lesbian journalism when she was no longer viewed by some as being in a lesbian relationship?
For Suzy, nee Jacob, now that he was a man, could he still write for the Lesbian magazines. While he described himself as a butch lesbian as a woman, as a man, he didn't feel the need to be all out masculine and opted for a geeky, metrosexual identity only to discover that other transgender men felt that the more "masculine" you appeared, the more you validated yourself as a man - to the extent that some transgender men were actually misogynistic! That was an eye-opener for me to learn. To go from a strong feminist ideal and spelling women with a "y" to a post-transition misogynism was slightly mind-boggling and Jacob felt a double-standard. Reading about the perspective of Diane and Jacob was very enlightening to me. While I never gave transgender issues much thought before, I enjoyed hearing about how they stayed together through it all and how strong their relationship seems both before and after Jacob's transition. It was also interesting to hear Jacob's description of how the hormone therapy literally changed him not only physically into a man, but emotionally as well. The biochemistry of the brain is amazing.
All in all, a very interesting read that I felt widened my world view just a little more. Thank you for sharing your very personal story.
I had to create both an autobiography and non-fiction shelf because I usually don't read this genre. I requested this book, however, based on the description which intrigued me.
Suzy Anderson-Minshall and Diane Anderson-Minshall were a happily married Lesbian couple for 15 years before Suzy finally identified herself as a man. In this autobiography, the couple chronicles their life together in back and forth points of view, and how they stayed together even after Suzy's transition to Jacob.
While this is only one couple's transgender experience and I know is not the be all end all of transgender information, I still feel like a learned a lot from reading this book. If Diane, someone who has identified herself as a lesbian and came out in her teens, is now married to a man, can she no longer identify herself as a lesbian? It was interesting to hear that she had to defend her identity against people who claimed she could no longer be a lesbian if she was married to a man. Additionally, as a prominent writer in the Lesbian community and an editor of the most popular Lesbian magazine, Curves, she faced uncertainty in her career as well as her marriage. How could she be at the forefront of lesbian journalism when she was no longer viewed by some as being in a lesbian relationship?
For Suzy, nee Jacob, now that he was a man, could he still write for the Lesbian magazines. While he described himself as a butch lesbian as a woman, as a man, he didn't feel the need to be all out masculine and opted for a geeky, metrosexual identity only to discover that other transgender men felt that the more "masculine" you appeared, the more you validated yourself as a man - to the extent that some transgender men were actually misogynistic! That was an eye-opener for me to learn. To go from a strong feminist ideal and spelling women with a "y" to a post-transition misogynism was slightly mind-boggling and Jacob felt a double-standard. Reading about the perspective of Diane and Jacob was very enlightening to me. While I never gave transgender issues much thought before, I enjoyed hearing about how they stayed together through it all and how strong their relationship seems both before and after Jacob's transition. It was also interesting to hear Jacob's description of how the hormone therapy literally changed him not only physically into a man, but emotionally as well. The biochemistry of the brain is amazing.
All in all, a very interesting read that I felt widened my world view just a little more. Thank you for sharing your very personal story.
May 12, 2014
Queerly Beloved: A Love Story Across Genders is a well-written memoir about two people in a long-term, committed, originally lesbian, relationship starting at the point when one of the partners realizes in mid-life that she is transgender. The partnership remains stable as the trans member embarks on and completes the process of female-to-male transition. Written by both partners, the book details the complex physical, and, moreover, mental and emotional process of this transition, and the effects on the partners' relationship. This is a courageous, revealing memoir that fearlessly goes into great detail the intimate details of their relationship, the challenges of supporting one's partner as the partner goes through a life-changing process, and the "facts of life" that the transition process entails.
This is a fascinating read that provides the intimate details of queer relationships in general and the transgender transition process in particular. However, I must admit I have a hard time relating to the authors and the queer culture in general. I am definitely straight, and while definitely not at all homophobic, I have long grappled with understanding queer relationships and culture beyond an intellectual and empathic understanding. I think it is impossible for me to fully understand what it is like to walk in the author's shoes because I don't wear those shoes, just as I do not walk in the shoes of other cultures or religions. It is like a Jew (which I am) trying to understand what it is like to be Catholic: I value diversity but I cannot fully share the experience. Yet, it is a privilege to have been invited into their lives and I appreciate the candor with which they tell their story.
Queerly Beloved: A Love Story Across Genders adds a great deal to the gender spectrum conversation. My own relationships are not defined or limited by gender identity and I commend the authors for enriching and enhancing my knowledge of the emerging science of gender and its multiple, nuanced meanings. I have gay friends and relatives who I respect and love dearly, including one relative who has undergone top surgery. I first learned of the gender spectrum concept from that person and at the time was very confused. My love and respect for this relative never changed, though, and reading Queerly Beloved helped me better understand gender diversity.
This is a fascinating read that provides the intimate details of queer relationships in general and the transgender transition process in particular. However, I must admit I have a hard time relating to the authors and the queer culture in general. I am definitely straight, and while definitely not at all homophobic, I have long grappled with understanding queer relationships and culture beyond an intellectual and empathic understanding. I think it is impossible for me to fully understand what it is like to walk in the author's shoes because I don't wear those shoes, just as I do not walk in the shoes of other cultures or religions. It is like a Jew (which I am) trying to understand what it is like to be Catholic: I value diversity but I cannot fully share the experience. Yet, it is a privilege to have been invited into their lives and I appreciate the candor with which they tell their story.
Queerly Beloved: A Love Story Across Genders adds a great deal to the gender spectrum conversation. My own relationships are not defined or limited by gender identity and I commend the authors for enriching and enhancing my knowledge of the emerging science of gender and its multiple, nuanced meanings. I have gay friends and relatives who I respect and love dearly, including one relative who has undergone top surgery. I first learned of the gender spectrum concept from that person and at the time was very confused. My love and respect for this relative never changed, though, and reading Queerly Beloved helped me better understand gender diversity.
May 18, 2014
I don't think I could ever say enough about this book. To speak with such raw, direct honesty is so daring and rare. The amount of respect I have for both Diane and Jacob cannot be measured. They are amazing activists and people. While I already knew a lot about trans people (I have many friends who are FtM, including a roommate that I lived with for a few years) I know that anyone who is newer to the topic will find this book eye opening and easy to follow. But even with my knowledge, I didn't feel as if I was reading something I already knew. This was about their experiences, and no experience is ever the same. Also, their willingness to discuss topics that are controversial even within the queer community is so refreshing. I applaud them. This book had me cheering, it had me weeping, it had me raging (at society, not the authors), and it had me hopeful; everything you want in an activist memoir. I think i highlighted as much, if not more, in this novel as I did in "Eating Fire," and I definitely wrote down every book mentioned so that I could check them all out. It was an absolutely pleasure to read this book, and I've already recommended it to three people. So what are you doing still reading this review? Get to buying this, and get to reading! NOW!
April 25, 2014
This book was very different, but what an amazing journey these this couple have been on. From being in a relationship for 15 years and having the outside appearance of woman, she always thought she was a different kind of women, a butch dyke, she would shop in the mens department stores, had problems embracing femaleness and never succeeding and hated part of her body which were female, in fact she had to allow her partner to take her shopping for female clothes. This couple went through trials and tribulations and a roller coaster of a rise, ups and downs but have always stayed together just because they love each other. Then one day the words I THINK IM A MAN become reality, although this partnership stays strong and instead of losing a wife her partner gains a husband. ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT READ.
March 12, 2016
This non-fiction book was written by a couple. It tells the story of how, after more than a decade together as a lesbian couple, one of them transitions to becoming a man. Very interesting to hear their story of coming to terms with this and the hurdles they faced in staying together.
April 5, 2021
There's a lot of "I don't understand" going around in our time. White people acknowledge "I can never understand" the experience of black people, for example, but nonetheless "I stand with you." It's a challenging dynamic. On the one hand, it is surely never possible to fully understand another human being. On the other, I think we should take responsibility for trying to increase our understanding by listening to one another's experience.
That's a long way of saying I came to Diane and Jacob Anderson-Minshall's memoir as someone who admits she doesn't understand the first thing about transgender people and their experiences. Jacob is only one person (albeit a journalist who interviewed hundreds of other trans people and conveys some idea of their diversity), so I didn't expect to finish this book "getting it." But I wanted Jacob's perspective, not only on his transition but on other aspects of life as an individual and a couple. And I wanted Diane's perspective as a lesbian-identified woman who found herself in a marriage with someone coming out as trans.
Somehow they made it work. My highest admiration is for any couple, anywhere, who manage to stay together and in love through thick and thin, over many years. It's hard! It's hard whoever you are and however you identify. Clearly, Diane and Jacob had an unusual set of challenges, as individuals and as a couple. But Jacob's transition was not the only big challenge; they also spent time foster parenting, for instance, and have important insights from that experience. One that I appreciated was Jacob's comment about what it means when someone says a child has "gender issues." Usually, it means simply that the child is playing, dressing up, or otherwise behaving in a way that doesn't seem masculine/feminine enough to the adult who is talking. Sometimes the child will grow up to be gay/lesbian/bisexual; once in a while the child may turn out to be transgender. These observations are borne out by data too.
I appreciate Jacob addressing many of the things I have also puzzled over, given that, like me, he identified as a lesbian feminist for many years. I'm sure that there are many people who cannot understand same-sex attraction at all; that's never bothered me, as it doesn't stop anyone being accepting and supportive.
I enjoyed being with Diane and Jacob Anderson-Minshall on this very personal journey. They continue to identify as queer and as a queer couple (they also note that this term does not work for a lot of other people, and why it does work for them). Do I understand now? I'm not sure that's the question. The question is, how am I going to be compassionate and stand by other human beings? On this whole big beautiful QLTBG spectrum--or anywhere else.
That's a long way of saying I came to Diane and Jacob Anderson-Minshall's memoir as someone who admits she doesn't understand the first thing about transgender people and their experiences. Jacob is only one person (albeit a journalist who interviewed hundreds of other trans people and conveys some idea of their diversity), so I didn't expect to finish this book "getting it." But I wanted Jacob's perspective, not only on his transition but on other aspects of life as an individual and a couple. And I wanted Diane's perspective as a lesbian-identified woman who found herself in a marriage with someone coming out as trans.
Somehow they made it work. My highest admiration is for any couple, anywhere, who manage to stay together and in love through thick and thin, over many years. It's hard! It's hard whoever you are and however you identify. Clearly, Diane and Jacob had an unusual set of challenges, as individuals and as a couple. But Jacob's transition was not the only big challenge; they also spent time foster parenting, for instance, and have important insights from that experience. One that I appreciated was Jacob's comment about what it means when someone says a child has "gender issues." Usually, it means simply that the child is playing, dressing up, or otherwise behaving in a way that doesn't seem masculine/feminine enough to the adult who is talking. Sometimes the child will grow up to be gay/lesbian/bisexual; once in a while the child may turn out to be transgender. These observations are borne out by data too.
I appreciate Jacob addressing many of the things I have also puzzled over, given that, like me, he identified as a lesbian feminist for many years. I'm sure that there are many people who cannot understand same-sex attraction at all; that's never bothered me, as it doesn't stop anyone being accepting and supportive.
I enjoyed being with Diane and Jacob Anderson-Minshall on this very personal journey. They continue to identify as queer and as a queer couple (they also note that this term does not work for a lot of other people, and why it does work for them). Do I understand now? I'm not sure that's the question. The question is, how am I going to be compassionate and stand by other human beings? On this whole big beautiful QLTBG spectrum--or anywhere else.
January 26, 2021
A transgender transition memoir, but told in alternating chapters by both Jacob, a transgender man, and Diane, his wife of many years. Jacob had been a forest ranger and identified as a woman, but then after a career-ending accident began to identify as a man. Diane was very supportive and basically was one step ahead of Jacob the whole time. I enjoyed the dual point of view and the plain-spoken, straightforward style. Overall these were two very relatable people who described their experiences in a gripping way, which is not that surprising considering they were already professional writers (who co-write a series about a blind lesbian detective.) My favorite part of the book had almost nothing to do with gender or transition, though. It was about their quest to have kids and it involved clawing a used condom out of the garbage and then later being foster parents in a very strict program for kids who are juvenile sex offenders. There were things Jacob and Diane had never told each other until they wrote this book together, which made it exciting, but also sometimes repetitive.
I am copying my old reviews from Booklikes onto Goodreads; I'm not even sure why.
I am copying my old reviews from Booklikes onto Goodreads; I'm not even sure why.
August 18, 2019
Queerly Beloved was an interesting read regarding the transition of Jacob went through and the changes Diane and Jacob both had to go through regarding their work and relationships.
Very honest personal accounts of the before, during and after of Jacob's transition.
I did have to take a break a few times to read their story.
Review is also posted here: https://wp.me/p4Pp9O-MO
Very honest personal accounts of the before, during and after of Jacob's transition.
I did have to take a break a few times to read their story.
Review is also posted here: https://wp.me/p4Pp9O-MO
September 29, 2023
I'm a nosy person and love a peek into someone's life that is so different from mine. I learned some things and had to question my reaction to some things - so overall this was an educational read for me.
February 23, 2022
Super good and quick read! Highly reccomend
December 29, 2024
Very interesting read. Jacob(Suzy) was our tour guide for our National Parks Bus Tour this past fall. He was an excellent guide, and I just wanted to read about his life's journey.
October 30, 2025
I really enjoyed this book. I don't know any other book that discusses a trans coming out as trans where you see it from both individuals perspective. Highly recommend!
December 29, 2025
Made me consider fostering kids in the future for about two minutes until I had to clean up some ice I dropped and realized I cannot foster kids
July 3, 2014
Anderson-Minshall, Diane and Jacob. Queerly Beloved: A Love Story Across Genders. Bold Strokes Books. 2014. $16.95. 233p. SC 978-1-62639-062-1.
Diane and Jacob (nee Suzy) had been a lesbian couple for fifteen years when Jacob confessed that he was, in fact, a transgender man. Their relationship survived through Jacob’s transition, and this memoir relates their story of their life together before, during, and after his transition. Told in chapters alternately narrated by Diane and Jacob, the overarching theme of love for each other and for the queer community shines through the Anderson-Minshall memoir.
While there are other memoirs written by transmen and transwomen, as well as memoirs written by their partners, this is the first time a memoir has been co-written by a transman and his lesbian-identified partner. Because they alternate in telling chapters, many of the stories overlap, and like many couples, Diane and Jacob finish each other’s sentences. However, it is refreshing to hear about a relationship in transition from both perspectives. Not only does the reader learn what it was like for Jacob to transition, but Diane’s experience is also made clear. Diane still identifies as lesbian, and she struggled with her position as editor of a magazine marketed to lesbians once Jacob transitioned and they could publicly “pass” as a straight couple. Both Diane and Jacob had to wrestle with the changed perception of their relationship within the queer community.
The Anderson-Minshall memoir does not focus solely on Jacob’s transition, however; having been together for more than twenty years, Diane and Jacob face other obstacles and decisions. Jacob becomes injured in his work as a park ranger and has to deal with staying home while Diane is working. The couple decides to have an open relationship, and both struggle with the ramifications of that decision. When they choose to become foster parents, they must struggle with both the often-complicated foster system as well as how Jacob’s transition affects their ability to be foster parents. Jacob and Diane’s voices ring true throughout this conversational memoir, and while they readily admit their struggles as a couple, their love for and commitment to each other is clear. An excellent addition to any library’s LGBTQ collection, Queerly Beloved is a must-read for people both outside and within the queer community.
Diane and Jacob (nee Suzy) had been a lesbian couple for fifteen years when Jacob confessed that he was, in fact, a transgender man. Their relationship survived through Jacob’s transition, and this memoir relates their story of their life together before, during, and after his transition. Told in chapters alternately narrated by Diane and Jacob, the overarching theme of love for each other and for the queer community shines through the Anderson-Minshall memoir.
While there are other memoirs written by transmen and transwomen, as well as memoirs written by their partners, this is the first time a memoir has been co-written by a transman and his lesbian-identified partner. Because they alternate in telling chapters, many of the stories overlap, and like many couples, Diane and Jacob finish each other’s sentences. However, it is refreshing to hear about a relationship in transition from both perspectives. Not only does the reader learn what it was like for Jacob to transition, but Diane’s experience is also made clear. Diane still identifies as lesbian, and she struggled with her position as editor of a magazine marketed to lesbians once Jacob transitioned and they could publicly “pass” as a straight couple. Both Diane and Jacob had to wrestle with the changed perception of their relationship within the queer community.
The Anderson-Minshall memoir does not focus solely on Jacob’s transition, however; having been together for more than twenty years, Diane and Jacob face other obstacles and decisions. Jacob becomes injured in his work as a park ranger and has to deal with staying home while Diane is working. The couple decides to have an open relationship, and both struggle with the ramifications of that decision. When they choose to become foster parents, they must struggle with both the often-complicated foster system as well as how Jacob’s transition affects their ability to be foster parents. Jacob and Diane’s voices ring true throughout this conversational memoir, and while they readily admit their struggles as a couple, their love for and commitment to each other is clear. An excellent addition to any library’s LGBTQ collection, Queerly Beloved is a must-read for people both outside and within the queer community.
July 5, 2014
I read this book in two days (or was it nights?) and if there was a six-star rating, I would add that extra star. I loved the style, the very honest and open approach to this very sensitive topic of trans-sexualism (is that even a word?) and relationships. For me this book was a very welcome ray of positive energy in an ocean of studies and scary stories about trans-relationships will ultimately fail. Diane and Jacob show that there is so much more to this world than the binary fairy tail of two genders, two sexes and two sexual orientations.
A bit of background: Diane and Jacob are a couple for over 20 years. 15 years into their lesbian relationship, then Suzy tells her wife that she identifies as male and thinks about transitioning. At this point Diane is very active in the Lesbian community, both privately and professionally, so the transition will affect not only her private life, but potentially also her professional endeavors. A lesbian advocate with a male partner is not perceived the same as a lesbian activist with a wife.
Diane and Jacob manage to weather this storm though. They are a prime example that a couple can survive transition, that you can keep identifying as Lesbian, queer, bi-sexual, whatever you choose, even though your partners has decided to go rectify his or her perceived gender.
The book is a true team effort. Each episode is explained by both partners separately. So first you will read Suzy's (Jacob's) or Jacob's (Suzy's) take (depending on whether the episode is pre or post transition) followed by Diane's view of the same episode. I loved this approach, a great way to recognize difference in experience without elevating one perception over the other.
A must read for trans-people and their spouses/partners/co-pilots/queerly beloved ones. And a should-read for anyone else.
A bit of background: Diane and Jacob are a couple for over 20 years. 15 years into their lesbian relationship, then Suzy tells her wife that she identifies as male and thinks about transitioning. At this point Diane is very active in the Lesbian community, both privately and professionally, so the transition will affect not only her private life, but potentially also her professional endeavors. A lesbian advocate with a male partner is not perceived the same as a lesbian activist with a wife.
Diane and Jacob manage to weather this storm though. They are a prime example that a couple can survive transition, that you can keep identifying as Lesbian, queer, bi-sexual, whatever you choose, even though your partners has decided to go rectify his or her perceived gender.
The book is a true team effort. Each episode is explained by both partners separately. So first you will read Suzy's (Jacob's) or Jacob's (Suzy's) take (depending on whether the episode is pre or post transition) followed by Diane's view of the same episode. I loved this approach, a great way to recognize difference in experience without elevating one perception over the other.
A must read for trans-people and their spouses/partners/co-pilots/queerly beloved ones. And a should-read for anyone else.
January 26, 2016
3.5
It's great to see a couple who stick together after the transition of one of them, and it was incedible interesting and enriching to read about their experiences. Even though it is told in chapters alternately narrated by the two authors it would have been possible to eliminate the irritating repetitions of turn of phrases and concepts.
It's great to see a couple who stick together after the transition of one of them, and it was incedible interesting and enriching to read about their experiences. Even though it is told in chapters alternately narrated by the two authors it would have been possible to eliminate the irritating repetitions of turn of phrases and concepts.
February 5, 2016
Highly personal account, told in dual narratives, of the journey of committed queer/lesbians Diane and Suzy as Suzy transitions to Jacob (male) illustrating the difficulties encountered, as well as the rewards of being in a positive, loving, supported relationship.
July 16, 2023
Read this for a 1 credit hour class and enjoyed it! Lots of interesting aspects of transitioning were brought to my attention, and their relationship is sweet. I sometimes didn’t like the style it was written in, but it didn’t make it harder to read or anything.
August 9, 2014
Review to come...
December 2, 2014
A brave story for both women, yet there were still many moments of repeating previous paragraphs. Or too much information that had the story loosing its way.
December 6, 2015
2014 Rainbow Awards Honorable Mention (5* from at least 1 judge)
August 6, 2017
Couldn't put it down. Fascinating issues raised around gender and sexuality in our society, blended seamlessly with a story of true love. Can't get better than that!
Displaying 1 - 23 of 23 reviews