What do you think?
Rate this book
You Have Given Me a Country
American Book Award A “mesmerizing” memoir about identity from the daughter of an Irish-Catholic mother and a Sindhi-Indian father (Chandra Prasad, editor of Mixed). A ForeWord Book of the Year You Have Given Me a Country is an emotionally powerful exploration of blurred borders, identity, and what it means to be multicultural. Combining memoir, history, and fiction, the book follows the paths of the author’s Irish-Catholic mother and Sindhi-Indian father on their journey toward each other and the biracial child they create. It is a book that weaves two varied, yet ultimately universal backgrounds into a unique creation that spans continents, generations, languages, and histories, and, ultimately, it is a story about family. “Vaswani takes her place among the other great innovators of form—Aleksandar Hemon, Maxine Hong Kingston, Michael Ondaatje—who write eloquently and ardently about the land of in-between.” —Maud Casey, author of Genealogy “A confident writer whose unflinching eye shows the reader the beauty grounded in the mundane.” —San Francisco Chronicle “Vaswani’s voice is witty, sharp, innovative, unique.” —Chitra Banerjee
210 pages, Kindle Edition
First published August 1, 2010
5 people are currently reading
109 people want to read
About the author
Neela Vaswani
11 books46 followersNeela Vaswani is the award-winning author of You Have Given Me a Country and Where the Long Grass Bends. Her work has received an American Book Award, an O. Henry Prize, and a ForeWord Magazine Book of the Year Award. She teaches at Spalding University's MFA in writing program and is the founder of the Storylines Project with the New York Public Library. Neela Vaswani lives in New York City.
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews
April 30, 2013
The author of this book, Neela Vaswani, writes about her life, her parents’ and grandparents’. What makes it special is that her mother is Irish-Catholic and her father Sindhi-Indian. Who is she? Which culture does she belong to? What is it like to belong to two cultures, and not just two cultures but many, many cultures? The setting is New York and India, the latter half of the 20th Century.
This book is a mix of historical facts, poetical writing and philosophical musings. It deals with a plethora of subjects: museums, illness, suffering, courage, religion, turtles, beauty, mehndi, race, homosexuality, love, individuality…… You don’t learn, but rather you experience and come to understand the values of both belonging to a culture and NOT belonging, i.e. learning who you are as an individual. What makes you you and who do you want to be. It is a book of both fact and fiction and great writing.
You flip from subject to subject. There is a connection and often that connection is philosophical.
There are wonderful lines:
To me, the point of love is to overcome difference. Nothing is too hard for love. Not threats, not a life time of alienation, not money, not religion, not skin, not ruined reputation, not illness, not gigantic corporations with a long reach, not famine, genocide, poverty, government, not the power of one’s raising. Nothing is too hard for love. Nothing. (page 133)
Keep in mind I don’t enjoy books focused on romance….because few can capture its essence properly.
Neither am I religious, but what does that really mean?
Once after reading about Partition, I told her I didn’t believe in God anymore because religion caused too many terrible things. She was grading papers and mumbled, “Thomas, Thomas, thou art Didymus.” Then her face crumbled. She looked up at me, sharp, angry, and asked, “What does God have to do with religion?” It was enough, that sentence separated the two in my mind and heart. (page 83)
This is a conversation between mother and daughter.
I could go on and on, example after example, I just know that this author had me considering many varied themes, and often she projected them in a new light. Some sections were less interesting, but maybe it will be those themes that interest you. You should not zip through this book. It is best to stop and think where you yourself stand.
There are many black and white photos. They add to the book; you can see who she is speaking about.
This book is a mix of historical facts, poetical writing and philosophical musings. It deals with a plethora of subjects: museums, illness, suffering, courage, religion, turtles, beauty, mehndi, race, homosexuality, love, individuality…… You don’t learn, but rather you experience and come to understand the values of both belonging to a culture and NOT belonging, i.e. learning who you are as an individual. What makes you you and who do you want to be. It is a book of both fact and fiction and great writing.
You flip from subject to subject. There is a connection and often that connection is philosophical.
There are wonderful lines:
To me, the point of love is to overcome difference. Nothing is too hard for love. Not threats, not a life time of alienation, not money, not religion, not skin, not ruined reputation, not illness, not gigantic corporations with a long reach, not famine, genocide, poverty, government, not the power of one’s raising. Nothing is too hard for love. Nothing. (page 133)
Keep in mind I don’t enjoy books focused on romance….because few can capture its essence properly.
Neither am I religious, but what does that really mean?
Once after reading about Partition, I told her I didn’t believe in God anymore because religion caused too many terrible things. She was grading papers and mumbled, “Thomas, Thomas, thou art Didymus.” Then her face crumbled. She looked up at me, sharp, angry, and asked, “What does God have to do with religion?” It was enough, that sentence separated the two in my mind and heart. (page 83)
This is a conversation between mother and daughter.
I could go on and on, example after example, I just know that this author had me considering many varied themes, and often she projected them in a new light. Some sections were less interesting, but maybe it will be those themes that interest you. You should not zip through this book. It is best to stop and think where you yourself stand.
There are many black and white photos. They add to the book; you can see who she is speaking about.
January 10, 2021
”To me, the point of love is to overcome difference. Nothing is too hard for love. Not threats, not a lifetime of alienation, not money, not religion, not skin, not ruined reputation, not illness, not gigantic corporations with a long reach, not famine, genocide, poverty, government, not the power of one’s raising, Nothing is too hard for love. Nothing.
In my family, difference is a way of life. A constant negotiation of respect, ignorance, new understanding. There was society, and there was our family. Public space, private space. Family was resistance. What was not accepted by society was real and lived by me and mine. Love, the great border crosser. No passport required.
There is no such thing as too different. There is only an unwillingness to love enough.”
“’I’m Irish,’ she snaps, as if I wouldn’t understand, as if I’m not Irish too, although a lesser percentage than her. It is like that for children. We are all a lesser percentage than our parents.”
I know I got this memoir through the Paperback book swap. I am guessing that I looked for it on a whim and when it was available, I took a chance. Then last night, I took another chance and decided to read it. Total serendipity – I had forgotten I even had this book.
If even half of my reading during 2021 is as enjoyable as Vaswani’s story, I am going to have a very good year. Vaswami tells the tale of her parents and their parents, the story of their very different countries of origin and her own saga. This is a lovely book, unlike anything else I have read. Vaswami has obviously thought long and hard about how her existence as a racially mixed woman affects her and how people see her.
I am not sure how I will find a book to link to this one. It is such a mixture of history, personal memories and feelings.
In my family, difference is a way of life. A constant negotiation of respect, ignorance, new understanding. There was society, and there was our family. Public space, private space. Family was resistance. What was not accepted by society was real and lived by me and mine. Love, the great border crosser. No passport required.
There is no such thing as too different. There is only an unwillingness to love enough.”
“’I’m Irish,’ she snaps, as if I wouldn’t understand, as if I’m not Irish too, although a lesser percentage than her. It is like that for children. We are all a lesser percentage than our parents.”
I know I got this memoir through the Paperback book swap. I am guessing that I looked for it on a whim and when it was available, I took a chance. Then last night, I took another chance and decided to read it. Total serendipity – I had forgotten I even had this book.
If even half of my reading during 2021 is as enjoyable as Vaswani’s story, I am going to have a very good year. Vaswami tells the tale of her parents and their parents, the story of their very different countries of origin and her own saga. This is a lovely book, unlike anything else I have read. Vaswami has obviously thought long and hard about how her existence as a racially mixed woman affects her and how people see her.
I am not sure how I will find a book to link to this one. It is such a mixture of history, personal memories and feelings.
November 24, 2021
An insight into what it is like to have parents from two different cultures
August 13, 2010
Neela Vaswani’s memoir begins and ends in airport terminals. From New York to New Delhi, two journeys at two different times in life, 28 years apart. This book describes those 28 years, and her life as a unique mixture of two different races and cultural backgrounds.
She writes chronologically, and reveals not just her parents separate lives, but even further up the family tree. She explores the history of her mother’s Irish Catholic family, with an assortment of memorable characters, all devoted to their city and their “tribe”. She mentions her Irish aunts dancing on a roof over their Italian neighbor’s apartment, just to annoy them. They lived big, loud, and frequently rough lives. They and their extended neighborhood formed their world, one they seldom ventured from. Then she delves into her father’s past in India, and how his family had lived. The lifestyle was more quiet, devoted, and respectful. Eventually her father, a physician, immigrates to the US, bringing his heritage with him.
All of this collides, naturally, when her parents marry and she is born. A mixed race child doesn’t have it easy in any culture, whether in the US or India, and she details her youth with anecdotes that are sometimes funny but often painful. Discrimination and prejudice are everywhere, which I found amazing considering this was relatively recent history (she was born in 1974). Her parents experienced a different sort of discrimination that Vaswani did, and she shows both types of experience. Sometimes people were being ignorant, but often it was intentional, in a time when a ‘hate crime’ was not investigated or taken seriously. The author shows how, even after they married, her parents still had a place that they fit into, in their respective homelands. But as a child of both, she had no real place of her own.
Vaswani’s writing is filled with details: a little girl babysat by her Indian grandmother, neither able to share a language but still able to laugh together and bond. A Bombay hospital that blacks out its windows in wartime with cut up x-ray films. The details dramatize the book and make it feel personal. Additionally, there were some bits of history thrown in that were new to me. I never knew that the Cinncinnati Reds changed their name to “Redlegs” during the Red Scare of the 1950’s to avoid being linked with communism. And I had no idea that India and Pakistan experienced a Partition similar to that of Ireland, one that created a wider religious division between the two nations after its placement than before it.
The first half of the book was especially enjoyable, as the author stayed tightly on the path of her family. I got a bit bogged down in the second part of the book, as she (at times) seemed to get on a soapbox and broadened her commentary a bit too wide to feel like a memoir. It felt preachy and political and lost steam at some of these points. While her story is authentic, I felt like she hadn’t achieved the authority to speak on all issues she attempts to address. All said, it’s a wonderful example of the complications still found in our multicultural society. In fact, I think this title would be an excellent text for a class to study, just to illuminate the world outside the neighborhood and comfort zone.
She writes chronologically, and reveals not just her parents separate lives, but even further up the family tree. She explores the history of her mother’s Irish Catholic family, with an assortment of memorable characters, all devoted to their city and their “tribe”. She mentions her Irish aunts dancing on a roof over their Italian neighbor’s apartment, just to annoy them. They lived big, loud, and frequently rough lives. They and their extended neighborhood formed their world, one they seldom ventured from. Then she delves into her father’s past in India, and how his family had lived. The lifestyle was more quiet, devoted, and respectful. Eventually her father, a physician, immigrates to the US, bringing his heritage with him.
All of this collides, naturally, when her parents marry and she is born. A mixed race child doesn’t have it easy in any culture, whether in the US or India, and she details her youth with anecdotes that are sometimes funny but often painful. Discrimination and prejudice are everywhere, which I found amazing considering this was relatively recent history (she was born in 1974). Her parents experienced a different sort of discrimination that Vaswani did, and she shows both types of experience. Sometimes people were being ignorant, but often it was intentional, in a time when a ‘hate crime’ was not investigated or taken seriously. The author shows how, even after they married, her parents still had a place that they fit into, in their respective homelands. But as a child of both, she had no real place of her own.
Vaswani’s writing is filled with details: a little girl babysat by her Indian grandmother, neither able to share a language but still able to laugh together and bond. A Bombay hospital that blacks out its windows in wartime with cut up x-ray films. The details dramatize the book and make it feel personal. Additionally, there were some bits of history thrown in that were new to me. I never knew that the Cinncinnati Reds changed their name to “Redlegs” during the Red Scare of the 1950’s to avoid being linked with communism. And I had no idea that India and Pakistan experienced a Partition similar to that of Ireland, one that created a wider religious division between the two nations after its placement than before it.
The first half of the book was especially enjoyable, as the author stayed tightly on the path of her family. I got a bit bogged down in the second part of the book, as she (at times) seemed to get on a soapbox and broadened her commentary a bit too wide to feel like a memoir. It felt preachy and political and lost steam at some of these points. While her story is authentic, I felt like she hadn’t achieved the authority to speak on all issues she attempts to address. All said, it’s a wonderful example of the complications still found in our multicultural society. In fact, I think this title would be an excellent text for a class to study, just to illuminate the world outside the neighborhood and comfort zone.
May 9, 2016
I loved this book! Many pages turned down, paragraphs marked and I know I will read it again. This is even more remarkable for me, since it is a memoir, something that I rarely read. On the cover, the book is described as a, "...mixed-genre exploration of blurred borders, identity, and what it means to be bi-cultural. Combining memoir, history, and fiction, the books follows the paths of the author's Irish-Catholic mother and Sindhi-Indian father on their journey towards each other the bi-racial child they create."
Vaswani skillfully weaves in American, Irish and East Indian history throughout the book. It is also peppered with photographs from her family.
Beyond the story, the writing is beautifully poetic and Vaswani infuses her pages with a deep love and appreciation for the diversity of the world. One of my favourite quotes:
"To me, the point of love is to overcome difference. Nothing is too hard for love. Not threats, not a lifetime of alienation, not money, not religion, not skin, not ruined reputation, not illness, not gigantic corporations with a long reach, not famine, genocide, poverty, government, not the power of one's raising. Nothing is too hard for love. Nothing."
Vaswani skillfully weaves in American, Irish and East Indian history throughout the book. It is also peppered with photographs from her family.
Beyond the story, the writing is beautifully poetic and Vaswani infuses her pages with a deep love and appreciation for the diversity of the world. One of my favourite quotes:
"To me, the point of love is to overcome difference. Nothing is too hard for love. Not threats, not a lifetime of alienation, not money, not religion, not skin, not ruined reputation, not illness, not gigantic corporations with a long reach, not famine, genocide, poverty, government, not the power of one's raising. Nothing is too hard for love. Nothing."
September 20, 2010
Neela Vaswani's "real and imagined" memoir is a tour-de-force of one woman's struggle with (and celebration of) her mixed identity. Vaswani takes us inside her struggle and celebration with lyrical and highly descriptive writing. Mixing personal narrative, imagined moments, historical facts, and her own journey from little girl to new wife, she stakes her claim for her own, unique identity - one she can finally (at long last) accurately reflect on the 2000 Census Form. This is a beautiful book and a satisfying journey for the reader. (Full disclosure: Ms. Vaswani teaches at Spalding University's brief residency program in Writing, the program where I earned my MFA in Writing. I had one, one-hour cross-genre session with her during my first residency in 2008.)
August 20, 2012
This was a great glimpse into a thoughtful life. The author describes what life is like for her as the child of an Indian father and an Irish Catholic mother. Family history and anecdotes keep the reader involved as they move between NYC and India. I loved the perspective of the child who simply relays what occurs and then follows up with the lessons her parents taught her or she figured out herself. At times the writing seems choppy and composed of brief memories, but this doesn't detract from the overall story. It feels like you've asked a new friend about their life.
July 10, 2011
Very interesting story about growing up multiracial/multicultural and embracing all of one's identity. The only reason I didn't give it 5 stars is because the writing is awkward in some places and kind of loses direction toward the end. (The author built a book around a doctoral thesis, which may have contributed to some of the disjointed nature of the text.)
August 22, 2016
A fantastic and moving portrait -- gorgeously written and exquisitely felt -- of what it means to be a young girl navigating biracial and bicultural lines in 20th century American and India. Vaswani is a generous and compassionate writer who holds your hand while holding the people in her story accountable. Vivid, fresh, and true, this book has stayed with me for years.
May 12, 2011
Vaswaani writes in the modern style, moving back and forth across time and becoming different characters. She is her Irish-American mother, her Asian Indian father. She is a young girl visiting relatives in a teeming Indian city, she is a person between cultures and countries.
February 11, 2015
beautiful thoughts, beautiful passages... but at moments it seemed too long, too redundant, making me think okay i got your point let's move on or let's move on from your family and not tell the same story over and over in various words...
July 16, 2010
I am enthralled with this book. I am "in between" in my emotions about it, I want to both hurry up and finish *and* savor it slowly at the same time....
March 13, 2012
Beautiful writing and a beautiful story.
Displaying 1 - 14 of 14 reviews