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Hollow: A Memoir of My Body in the Marines
A powerful, coming-of-age memoir of one girl’s struggle, adrift in warrior culture
At eighteen, Bailey Williams bolted from her strict Mormon upbringing to a Marine recruiting office to enlist as a 2600 — a military linguist. But the first language the Marine Corps taught her wasn’t Arabic, Farsi, or Dari. It was how Marines speak to, and about, women. There are only three kinds of women in the Marine Corps, she was told: you can be a bitch, a dyke, or a whore.
Determined to prove she’s not whatever it is the men around her believe a woman to be, Private Williams turned to an eating disorder, intending to show her discipline through the visible testament of bone. She ran endurance distances on an increasingly Spartan diet, shoving through her own body’s resistance. Pushed to the brink by a leadership and a culture that demands women shrink themselves, she finally looked to the girls around her, and began to wonder what else she’s losing. Quietly but inexorably, the power of other women’s stories whispered an alternative path to what it means to be a woman, and a warrior.
Hollow is a story for anyone whose identity has been prescribed to them—and has dared question if there is another way to live.
At eighteen, Bailey Williams bolted from her strict Mormon upbringing to a Marine recruiting office to enlist as a 2600 — a military linguist. But the first language the Marine Corps taught her wasn’t Arabic, Farsi, or Dari. It was how Marines speak to, and about, women. There are only three kinds of women in the Marine Corps, she was told: you can be a bitch, a dyke, or a whore.
Determined to prove she’s not whatever it is the men around her believe a woman to be, Private Williams turned to an eating disorder, intending to show her discipline through the visible testament of bone. She ran endurance distances on an increasingly Spartan diet, shoving through her own body’s resistance. Pushed to the brink by a leadership and a culture that demands women shrink themselves, she finally looked to the girls around her, and began to wonder what else she’s losing. Quietly but inexorably, the power of other women’s stories whispered an alternative path to what it means to be a woman, and a warrior.
Hollow is a story for anyone whose identity has been prescribed to them—and has dared question if there is another way to live.
1 pages, Audio CD
First published November 19, 2024
35 people are currently reading
3233 people want to read
About the author
Bailey Brett Williams
1 book12 followersI'm the author of HOLLOW: A MEMOIR OF MY BODY IN THE MARINES, which Publisher's Weekly called "a staggering achievement" in a starred review. It was my attempt to do something about what kept me up at night -- the spiritual, social, and political disillusionment I learned as a Marine. It featured on NPR's Fresh Air. My writing has also been published in the Los Angeles Times.
I only rate books I really love -- hence the stars.
I only rate books I really love -- hence the stars.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 53 reviews
November 19, 2024
This book is not going to be for everyone, but HOLY COW it was for me! A girl who struggles with bulimia joins the Marines. I have always held non-traditional opinions when it comes to the military. I respect the people who serve, but I feel the whole thing is really a government sanctioned cult that preys on people who are lost and looking for a purpose. There’s a quote in Hollow, “If the Marines stopped every hungry kid from enlisting, told every anxious teenager to go home and get themselves and their families right, there’d be whole bases deserted,” that pretty much sums up my thoughts.
There were times I would get frustrated with the author for her terrible choices, but the vulnerability is absolutely admirable. The truth is people have periods in their life where they made awful decisions, usually due to trauma or untreated mental health. While I personally would never like to go back with a fine tooth comb over questionable times in my life, the author writing out her story for others to relate to is testament to her strength.
The author does an incredible job of putting the reader inside her head. I feel reading this is the closest you can get to feeling what it is like to struggle with mental illness if you haven’t gone through it personally. In the past I’ve had girl friends who served in the military and others who struggled with eating disorders. Reflecting now after reading this book, I can see times in my life where I was not a supportive friend to people around me who were suffering.
While reading the book the cover continued to grow on me. I went from neutral to absolutely loving how well it fits the story.
The only criticism I have is sometimes the author switches tense often.
Check your triggers, this book contains many.
There were times I would get frustrated with the author for her terrible choices, but the vulnerability is absolutely admirable. The truth is people have periods in their life where they made awful decisions, usually due to trauma or untreated mental health. While I personally would never like to go back with a fine tooth comb over questionable times in my life, the author writing out her story for others to relate to is testament to her strength.
The author does an incredible job of putting the reader inside her head. I feel reading this is the closest you can get to feeling what it is like to struggle with mental illness if you haven’t gone through it personally. In the past I’ve had girl friends who served in the military and others who struggled with eating disorders. Reflecting now after reading this book, I can see times in my life where I was not a supportive friend to people around me who were suffering.
While reading the book the cover continued to grow on me. I went from neutral to absolutely loving how well it fits the story.
The only criticism I have is sometimes the author switches tense often.
Check your triggers, this book contains many.
May 26, 2024
I received this book from Netgalley. I struggled a lot with this book. Bailey enrolled to be a Marine with already an eating disorder. Throughout her journey she was so hyper focused on herself that she missed three opportunity to connect with other fellow Marines. I almost came of as if she thought she was better than the other female Marines. Personally, I wouldn’t recommend this book.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
December 21, 2024
“Every Marine has a story of their experience written in their own body. This is only mine.” Bailey B. Williams
Less than 1% of American citizens have worn the uniform of the US Marines. Roughly only 6.5% of those Marines are female. Tragically, many Marines will read this and see themselves reflected in the pages as I did. I consider it tremendously brave for her to put her words to paper and share it with the world. I recommend this book to service members, veterans, and our fellow citizens who want to understand a different perspective than one often portrayed in the media.
Spoiler alert: Yes, there is colorful language. Yes, she addresses triggering topics. Yes, many of these events and circumstances could appear unbelievable to the average civilian reader. Unfortunately, what you see described was/is commonplace day-in-the-life description of Marine Corps experiences despite our ongoing efforts to enact lasting positive change.
Side note: The Marine Corps Height/Weight Standard for Females measuring a 61in. height is a 137lbs maximum weight and 100lbs minimum weight.
Measuring in at 5’1”, my goal was to remain at 120lbs at every weigh in year after year for 23 years. I spent years doing everything possible to avoid downing medical chits despite pregnancy, chronic injuries, and subsequent surgeries. I found maintaining the weight considered normal for me as an 18 year old was beyond difficult as my body aged and deteriorated. While not as extreme as Bailey’s story, anorexic behavior and extreme exercise were normal for me and most of my colleagues. Even now, years after leaving active duty - I still struggle to put those bad habits behind me. When I step on the scale and see 130lbs, I get a sinking feeling in my gut. The negative thoughts creep in quickly. Crazy, right? People who have not been subject to this illogical standard have a hard time understanding how and why it is so difficult to shake the mindset.
I imagine it must be even more difficult nowadays. I can’t imagine my body shape would cut a good figure in the new unisex Dress Blue uniform. I am petite with hips and a bust. There is no way I would look like a poster male Marine. Why do continue to attempt to hold these warriors to such an unattainable standard? For what reason?
Less than 1% of American citizens have worn the uniform of the US Marines. Roughly only 6.5% of those Marines are female. Tragically, many Marines will read this and see themselves reflected in the pages as I did. I consider it tremendously brave for her to put her words to paper and share it with the world. I recommend this book to service members, veterans, and our fellow citizens who want to understand a different perspective than one often portrayed in the media.
Spoiler alert: Yes, there is colorful language. Yes, she addresses triggering topics. Yes, many of these events and circumstances could appear unbelievable to the average civilian reader. Unfortunately, what you see described was/is commonplace day-in-the-life description of Marine Corps experiences despite our ongoing efforts to enact lasting positive change.
Side note: The Marine Corps Height/Weight Standard for Females measuring a 61in. height is a 137lbs maximum weight and 100lbs minimum weight.
Measuring in at 5’1”, my goal was to remain at 120lbs at every weigh in year after year for 23 years. I spent years doing everything possible to avoid downing medical chits despite pregnancy, chronic injuries, and subsequent surgeries. I found maintaining the weight considered normal for me as an 18 year old was beyond difficult as my body aged and deteriorated. While not as extreme as Bailey’s story, anorexic behavior and extreme exercise were normal for me and most of my colleagues. Even now, years after leaving active duty - I still struggle to put those bad habits behind me. When I step on the scale and see 130lbs, I get a sinking feeling in my gut. The negative thoughts creep in quickly. Crazy, right? People who have not been subject to this illogical standard have a hard time understanding how and why it is so difficult to shake the mindset.
I imagine it must be even more difficult nowadays. I can’t imagine my body shape would cut a good figure in the new unisex Dress Blue uniform. I am petite with hips and a bust. There is no way I would look like a poster male Marine. Why do continue to attempt to hold these warriors to such an unattainable standard? For what reason?
December 16, 2024
Holy shit. Where do I even start with this book?
Bailey, I don’t know if you’ll ever see this, but if you do—thank you for writing it. I can’t imagine how hard it was to live through, let alone put into words. For anyone considering reading it, I want to give a major trigger warning: this book delves deeply into eating disorders and sexual trauma.
It wasn’t an easy read. I had to set it down many times throughout the week just to process the emotions it stirred up—anger, sadness, hope. At one point, I even told my friends (and my therapist) that I wasn’t going to finish it because it hit parts of me I wasn’t ready to face. But I’m so glad I did.
This book gave me a deeper understanding of so many things, including myself. It’s raw, unflinching, and necessary. Also, I firmly believe that the word “fuck” belongs in this book—and honestly, in more books like it.
Bailey, I don’t know if you’ll ever see this, but if you do—thank you for writing it. I can’t imagine how hard it was to live through, let alone put into words. For anyone considering reading it, I want to give a major trigger warning: this book delves deeply into eating disorders and sexual trauma.
It wasn’t an easy read. I had to set it down many times throughout the week just to process the emotions it stirred up—anger, sadness, hope. At one point, I even told my friends (and my therapist) that I wasn’t going to finish it because it hit parts of me I wasn’t ready to face. But I’m so glad I did.
This book gave me a deeper understanding of so many things, including myself. It’s raw, unflinching, and necessary. Also, I firmly believe that the word “fuck” belongs in this book—and honestly, in more books like it.
October 21, 2024
Thank you Netgalley and the publisher for the advanced copy!
It always feels strange giving a star rating to someone's personal story. I will, for the sake of it sometimes being a deciding factor for people to read a book. While this was a tough read, it was full of a lot of heart. The author's story of her struggle as a female Marine with an eating disorder pulled hard at the empath part of me. I hope by Bailey sharing her story that others will feel the courage to do so as well. I cheered for her the entire time. This kind of story doesn't just happen in the Marines, but happens all over the world in many other situations. Women struggling in a world created for the white man to be successful. I'm very happy I was able to read an advanced copy of this!
It always feels strange giving a star rating to someone's personal story. I will, for the sake of it sometimes being a deciding factor for people to read a book. While this was a tough read, it was full of a lot of heart. The author's story of her struggle as a female Marine with an eating disorder pulled hard at the empath part of me. I hope by Bailey sharing her story that others will feel the courage to do so as well. I cheered for her the entire time. This kind of story doesn't just happen in the Marines, but happens all over the world in many other situations. Women struggling in a world created for the white man to be successful. I'm very happy I was able to read an advanced copy of this!
November 7, 2024
Hollow was an interesting read. I enjoyed learning about eating disorders, the Marines, and running, but there is a disturbing amount of f-bombs throughout. The author did a good job of using sarcasm and dry humor to get her point across and did not need obscenities on every page (Maybe this is hyperbole?). The amount of foul language became offensive. For this reason I will not recommend this book.
December 24, 2025
This was a tough read for me. I spent 20 years in the Corps, but never truly understood the travails the Women Marines often endure. I’m glad Williams survived her tour and now seems much better.
April 15, 2025
So many parts of this book hit close to home as someone who served in the military and in a male dominated career field. I encountered so many similar situations that Bailey encountered, from the comments, to the unwanted physical harassment, and beyond. There were so many times I wanted to come through the pages and be there to run along side Bailey and be a battle buddy for her. I'm glad she finally found the strength to stand up for herself and wellbeing and push to have her health and mental health prioritized.
December 20, 2024
Raw, brutal and vulnerable. This was very difficult to read but worth it. And the author's final comments about the state of our handling of mental health issues both in the military and civilian life were spot on.
January 17, 2025
A harrowing tale of suffering from an eating disorder in the military. The storytelling was effective, but at times, it was difficult to follow along with the military lingo. Overall, an incredibly compelling and brave retelling. I feel so connected to Bailey, and am thankful for her honesty and heart. I don’t know if I’ve ever rooted for a memoirist harder.
January 18, 2025
Hollow, by Bailey Williams, is less a story about a female’s experience in the Marines, and much more of a harrowing personal narrative about a person with an eating disorder who chose the military to fight against feelings of being unworthy and weak. Extreme childhood trauma imbued with religious patriarchal dogma helps explain the mindset of an 18 year old enlisting in the Marines. An obsessive running regimen on self-imposed starvation rations speaks to her profound need to prove herself, to be tough and unbeatable and to assuage the guilt of not living up to active deployment during war time. It finally helped me see anorexia and bulimia as akin to addiction. I’ve known a few girls with the disorder in my years as a middle school teacher, and always wondered how they could possibly think of themselves as fat. Now I understand the word fat is just a metaphor, that a severe case of body dysmorphia is a personal response for some girls and women who are marginalized, seeking control, and victims of the patriarchy. Of course this is only exacerbated in the Marines, where her commanding officers were often 20-something year old men still forming their prefrontal cortexes with absolutely zero understanding of or compassion for a girl with a mental health disorder. She tried so many ways to get help, didn’t recognize that others (almost exclusively other women) were trying to help, and was denied help and dismissed by her superiors who often met her with “you’re not too skinny” (exacerbating her conviction that she was indeed fat). You will fall down deep into the hole with Bailey as she narrates her personal story with graphic detail and cheer as she crawls back out.
November 7, 2025
I have so, so much to say about this book, and there’s really no way to sum it up. Just go read it. I don’t care who you are, what genre you usually read, or what book you’re reading right now: Go read this book. Do it now, because you’ll want to read it again when you’re done.
There are books you read and forget about; there are books you read and remember; there are books you read and think about often; and then there are books with sentences that get stuck in your head like part of a song so you have to go back and read it again and again and again so parts of it are lodged into your consciousness for weeks until the cycle repeats and you read it again.
Hollow is the most haunting thing I’ve ever read.
This book is a masterpiece. It’s beautiful, brutal, heartbreaking, heartwarming, and a million other things, but at the end of the day, part of what makes this story so mesmerizing is the fact that it exists in such extremes. There’s a yin and yang to trauma: If you make it out, you’re awarded a new lease on life and a perspective not everyone has. Bailey’s is one forged by iron.
I’m lucky enough to call the author a friend, and one of the things I found most impressive about Hollow was that her voice on paper is the same as in real life. In the book, she’s endlessly clever, hilariously witty, soft spoken, powerful, and so, so capable. In person, she’s those things (and many more) too.
You will think about this book when you’re getting groceries. You’ll think about it at the gym. You’ll think about it when you’re alone under an open sky. You’ll think about it often, and you’ll read it often.
Just go read this book.
There are books you read and forget about; there are books you read and remember; there are books you read and think about often; and then there are books with sentences that get stuck in your head like part of a song so you have to go back and read it again and again and again so parts of it are lodged into your consciousness for weeks until the cycle repeats and you read it again.
Hollow is the most haunting thing I’ve ever read.
This book is a masterpiece. It’s beautiful, brutal, heartbreaking, heartwarming, and a million other things, but at the end of the day, part of what makes this story so mesmerizing is the fact that it exists in such extremes. There’s a yin and yang to trauma: If you make it out, you’re awarded a new lease on life and a perspective not everyone has. Bailey’s is one forged by iron.
I’m lucky enough to call the author a friend, and one of the things I found most impressive about Hollow was that her voice on paper is the same as in real life. In the book, she’s endlessly clever, hilariously witty, soft spoken, powerful, and so, so capable. In person, she’s those things (and many more) too.
You will think about this book when you’re getting groceries. You’ll think about it at the gym. You’ll think about it when you’re alone under an open sky. You’ll think about it often, and you’ll read it often.
Just go read this book.
February 27, 2025
The way they describe binging cliff bars to then ejecting them out how they were like slugs will haunt me for the rest of my life. Catch me changing the snacks I eat.
For real though, this memoir showcases a trend of male dominated spaces leading to intense terrible encounters/overly sexualized/just so jarring situations. The author got through an incredible hardship/eating struggle through an immense struggle of marine life coupled with patriarchal nightmare fuel. May she continue her healing journey and find the peace from the whacko stuff that happened during this period
Skipping the stinks and dinks as I find that distasteful for a memoir but I’m hitting it with 4.38 stars outta 5. Fucking cliff bar slug thing again living rent free in my head as I finish up here.
For real though, this memoir showcases a trend of male dominated spaces leading to intense terrible encounters/overly sexualized/just so jarring situations. The author got through an incredible hardship/eating struggle through an immense struggle of marine life coupled with patriarchal nightmare fuel. May she continue her healing journey and find the peace from the whacko stuff that happened during this period
Skipping the stinks and dinks as I find that distasteful for a memoir but I’m hitting it with 4.38 stars outta 5. Fucking cliff bar slug thing again living rent free in my head as I finish up here.
April 11, 2025
What is it like to be a young woman in the Marines who desperately wants to succeed in a very male culture? Her past trauma and desire to punish herself into excellence leads her to bulimia and extreme running. When she attempts to seek help, the responses only push her into more self denial. That she eventually found help and was able apparently to recover physically seems miraculous given the extremity of her behaviors. There is a very good interview with the author on NPR that summarizes the key point of the book very well.
November 26, 2024
Personal experiences and triumph can be so hard to express, but readers will be enveloped within a fully felt experience.
July 2, 2025
Gut wrenching, cringeworthy, and at times hard to read. Unbelievably sad story of self destruction. I was relieved that she was able to get help and save herself at the end.
March 10, 2025
Did not finish.
August 31, 2025
First, Bailey has an incredible way with words. Bravo to her for sharing her story. Interestingly, she and I were both raised Mormon which was an interesting thread for me personally.
Eating disorders and the military are such a profound and devastating issue. It is past time for this to be called out. And the author does so with clarity, specificity, and heart.
She also weaves together the complex layering of trauma, misogyny, and patriarchy that contribute to the development of EDs - effectively challenging stereotypes.
Her memoir is devastating. At times excruciating. I thought the first 3/4 invested far too much in the details of her disorder. I may be biased but have heard too many stories about memoirs becoming how to manuals. And the minutia of her bulimia became downright boring.
The most compelling part of the book for me was the final quarter as she began to advocate for treatment, revealing the insurmountable obstacles she faced within such a (IMO) sick system. The themes she highlighted between being raised within a patriarchal religion and then joining an institution that was decidedly anti-female and how that led to her turning on herself via her ED were extremely thought-provoking.
I’m glad that this book exists, the author clearly outed her whole self into it. I just wish the details of her disorder got less airtime.
Eating disorders and the military are such a profound and devastating issue. It is past time for this to be called out. And the author does so with clarity, specificity, and heart.
She also weaves together the complex layering of trauma, misogyny, and patriarchy that contribute to the development of EDs - effectively challenging stereotypes.
Her memoir is devastating. At times excruciating. I thought the first 3/4 invested far too much in the details of her disorder. I may be biased but have heard too many stories about memoirs becoming how to manuals. And the minutia of her bulimia became downright boring.
The most compelling part of the book for me was the final quarter as she began to advocate for treatment, revealing the insurmountable obstacles she faced within such a (IMO) sick system. The themes she highlighted between being raised within a patriarchal religion and then joining an institution that was decidedly anti-female and how that led to her turning on herself via her ED were extremely thought-provoking.
I’m glad that this book exists, the author clearly outed her whole self into it. I just wish the details of her disorder got less airtime.
January 24, 2025
Disclaimer: this book covers topics such as suicidal ideation and eating disorders.
Bailey Williams left her Mormon life and went into the Marines. Being a woman in the Marines is not for the faint of heart. She struggles in boot camp with her eating disorder shrinking down to a mere 104 lbs at one point. This was an extremely tough read knowing her fragile state throughout her time with the Marines, before and after. She pulls strength through other female Marines and the women around the world she encounters fighting for their freedom. My heart breaks for those who struggle with not only depression and eating, but those who go through military life and have the mental and physical scars to show for it as Bailey does. Very powerful memoir of a woman in the Marines, very relatable of how women are treated differently no matter your rank, service to your country etc. It was eye opening into a world I never would have known in the military, especially a woman’s point of view. It can be a little graphic at times and make you twinge but it felt so authentic. Sometimes a little all over the place and chaotic but I think that’s the point, that Bailey’s life felt just like that in those moments. #goodreadsgiveaway
Bailey Williams left her Mormon life and went into the Marines. Being a woman in the Marines is not for the faint of heart. She struggles in boot camp with her eating disorder shrinking down to a mere 104 lbs at one point. This was an extremely tough read knowing her fragile state throughout her time with the Marines, before and after. She pulls strength through other female Marines and the women around the world she encounters fighting for their freedom. My heart breaks for those who struggle with not only depression and eating, but those who go through military life and have the mental and physical scars to show for it as Bailey does. Very powerful memoir of a woman in the Marines, very relatable of how women are treated differently no matter your rank, service to your country etc. It was eye opening into a world I never would have known in the military, especially a woman’s point of view. It can be a little graphic at times and make you twinge but it felt so authentic. Sometimes a little all over the place and chaotic but I think that’s the point, that Bailey’s life felt just like that in those moments. #goodreadsgiveaway
April 8, 2025
This memoir brings to light some very important topics - misogyny and sexual assault culture of the U.S. military among them.
Three stars because of Williams' writing style - It's more of a long poem than a story -- There are places where Williams is purposely vague and/or combines experiences and people to protect their anonymity, and these muddled my ability to fully understand what was happening and why.
Williams does an excellent job of illustrating how insidiously and eating disorder takes over your life, how easy it is to hide your suffering, and very difficult it is to get the help you need, even when you finally decide you are ready.
I wish that Williams had shared with us a little bit more about why she thinks she developed anorexia and bulimia, and MUCH more about how she became the happy, healthy, and accomplished person she now is. Her recovery story could be helpful to so many, but it is not in this book.
Three stars because of Williams' writing style - It's more of a long poem than a story -- There are places where Williams is purposely vague and/or combines experiences and people to protect their anonymity, and these muddled my ability to fully understand what was happening and why.
Williams does an excellent job of illustrating how insidiously and eating disorder takes over your life, how easy it is to hide your suffering, and very difficult it is to get the help you need, even when you finally decide you are ready.
I wish that Williams had shared with us a little bit more about why she thinks she developed anorexia and bulimia, and MUCH more about how she became the happy, healthy, and accomplished person she now is. Her recovery story could be helpful to so many, but it is not in this book.
January 28, 2025
Bailey'a writing drips off the page with the same fierceness she must have poured into every word. I couldn't put this book down. While Hollow may not be everyone's cup of tea, it offers a raw and deeply personal story that, while unique to Bailey, resonates with women in the service and those from challenging, often unspoken upbringings.
Williams peels back her skin to reveal truths about herself, her past, and the shared struggles of others—an act of courage that's as rare as it is powerful. The pacing of the narrative mirrors the intensity of a Marine boot camp, while the insights from this difficult story shine as brightly as a sunrise breaking through darkness.
Even if Hollow isn’t your usual genre, it’s worth stepping outside your comfort zone for a read this bold.
Williams peels back her skin to reveal truths about herself, her past, and the shared struggles of others—an act of courage that's as rare as it is powerful. The pacing of the narrative mirrors the intensity of a Marine boot camp, while the insights from this difficult story shine as brightly as a sunrise breaking through darkness.
Even if Hollow isn’t your usual genre, it’s worth stepping outside your comfort zone for a read this bold.
February 5, 2025
This memoir was clawing and harrowing but I loved it. Williams tells us her story of her body- her running, her bulimia, her determination, her coping, her breaking while in the US Marines and learning Farsi.
“In class my eating disorder curled in my lap, harsh and spiny, and I forgot to hate myself for whole hours at a time. Farsi unfurled in beautiful arches.
The language transported me, riddles and symmetries falling into place.”
Definitely this book needs trigger warnings for calories, food, body image, misogony, sexual abuse, running lengths (in miles), bulimia, weight references and self worth. But if you can handle this, Williams does write the horror with so much compassion and with mirrored clarity. I felt held.
“In class my eating disorder curled in my lap, harsh and spiny, and I forgot to hate myself for whole hours at a time. Farsi unfurled in beautiful arches.
The language transported me, riddles and symmetries falling into place.”
Definitely this book needs trigger warnings for calories, food, body image, misogony, sexual abuse, running lengths (in miles), bulimia, weight references and self worth. But if you can handle this, Williams does write the horror with so much compassion and with mirrored clarity. I felt held.
May 22, 2025
An outstanding memoir on a par with "The Liar's Club, "The Glass Castle," and "Wasted," "Hollow" chronicles the author's time as a Marine while living with bulimia. Williams joined the Marines at eighteen after a sheltered Mormon childhood and complex trauma that is slowly revealed throughout the book. With excellent, vivid writing that neither glamorizes nor excuses nor politicizes the military or the eating disorder, the book's searing, almost matter-of-fact honesty will rivet you to the page.
August 20, 2025
i think julia would have a field day with this one. i hope she reads this review. ex-mormon joins the marine corps and discovers how deeply misogyny is embedded in all things, including her own thoughts and actions. it’s hard not to immediately relate this to “Hunger” by roxane gay, also a great memoir. the relationship between discipline, misogyny, and sexualized violence that is constantly shapeshifting in america is my roman empire probably
January 5, 2026
"...this wasn't hunger, longing for more. It was weakness. Ignore it."
"WM meant women Marines, but no one really used the retired acronym except to cleverly propose it meant walking mattress."
"Far more common was the affectionate term Wookiee... a lasting nickname given to women in the Marines, originated in the imagined horror of hairy lady bodies after boot camp."
-From Ryan Leigh Dostie's memoir: "Fat is not something the Army abides. In this insular community, where there no physical disabilities, no deformities, no elderly, no sick, nothing but use a mandatory fitness, no one is more of a shit bag soldier than the one who is fat."
"No one really took lesbians seriously. If you weren't butch, you were a porn star."
"So I ran and ate and purged and went to class and didn't go to lunch, because clearly I couldn't be trusted around food."
"Nothing about being a Marine was teaching me rest or recovery....I kept on running on my sputtering-near-empty tank."
"... concentration camp, forced to run through the snow and dark for miles and miles, malnourished and freezing. See? People can run. There is a level of endurance so much further than this. You're not suffering as badly as they did. So you can keep going. That was the standard of endurance to which I held myself: death marches and concentration camps."
"Often my hip buckled. I limped and it pissed me off. Get it together, Marine. What the fuck are you limping for?"
"My eating disorder had a few choice words on 'rest'. Rest was for real endurance athletes and currently my gross fat body refused to endure. ...That is not the body of an endurance athlete. Clearly I was too fat for my eating disorder to be relevant. Surely I hadn't worked so hard as to fracture my pelvis..."
"The relationship between malnutrition, the cortisol and adrenaline constantly pumping to keep me on my feet, decreased bone density, and the increased risk of fracture felt irrelevant to me. My diluted bony ass held as fact I was too fat to be unwell in any way."
"...That old stupid joke. What's the difference between a female staff sergeant and a zebra? The zebra doesn't have to lie down for its stripes."
"The veil's mandate was predicated on the assumption that having a female body was an invitation to violation, and it was the responsibility of the owner of a female body to prevent violation by covering herself appropriately. And who should decide what is appropriate? The male clergy during the gazing, obviously."
"Marines' casual condemnation of women Marines ... who wore mascara, joked, laughed, or wore a skirt to a bar off-duty, the way we scolded that we shouldn't do such suggested things less we mistaken for whores, and that daring to do such terrible was reiterated when a female Marine said we'd been sexually harassed or assaulted, that these things somehow had bearing on whether we believed her..."
"Full means something different when you are bulimic. It does not mean enough. It means everything. Full is when there is nothing left to eat, when the pantry is empty, shelves scraped bare, trash rummaged for stray crusts."
"'But you're not fat. ... You don't need to lose weight either. You're perfectly healthy,... You don't need an eating disorder.' ... I heard, you're not skinny enough to have an eating disorder, which I believed, because I had an eating disorder and therefore believed I was roughly the size of a caribou."
"... to speak would admit I was hurting, a deep, all the way down to my bones kind of hurt, and I would not claim that. Because then I'd be a weaker female Marine and honestly, fuck that, I'd rather keel over."
"And females only report to destroy men's lives, and it's really not fair to just judge someone over a few minutes of indiscretion; it's really a war on men.... And suggesting men like to look at women ... is also just biology... And if we're not comfortable with hard fact, well we're the irrational ones...."
4.5 stars.
"... our injuries were fantastical, our fears and concerns about male colleagues irrational batshit, our promotions preferential treatment for sexual acts or their suggestion, our very presence a distraction or even threat to national security and a righteous American civilization."
"None of my senior leadership ... knew how to respond to a marine with an eating disorder."
"I tried drinking instead of bingeing, hoping if I transferred my addiction from food to alcohol I'd have a problem the Marine Corps accredited."
"All that mattered while my command decided amongst themselves if I had an eaten disorder or not was the fact that my weight fell within Marine Corps order 6110.3 [outlines the Marine Corps Body Composition and Military Appearance Program, setting standards for Marine weight, body fat, and overall military appearance]. She's not underweight, they repeated. It can't be that bad."
"WM meant women Marines, but no one really used the retired acronym except to cleverly propose it meant walking mattress."
"Far more common was the affectionate term Wookiee... a lasting nickname given to women in the Marines, originated in the imagined horror of hairy lady bodies after boot camp."
-From Ryan Leigh Dostie's memoir: "Fat is not something the Army abides. In this insular community, where there no physical disabilities, no deformities, no elderly, no sick, nothing but use a mandatory fitness, no one is more of a shit bag soldier than the one who is fat."
"No one really took lesbians seriously. If you weren't butch, you were a porn star."
"So I ran and ate and purged and went to class and didn't go to lunch, because clearly I couldn't be trusted around food."
"Nothing about being a Marine was teaching me rest or recovery....I kept on running on my sputtering-near-empty tank."
"... concentration camp, forced to run through the snow and dark for miles and miles, malnourished and freezing. See? People can run. There is a level of endurance so much further than this. You're not suffering as badly as they did. So you can keep going. That was the standard of endurance to which I held myself: death marches and concentration camps."
"Often my hip buckled. I limped and it pissed me off. Get it together, Marine. What the fuck are you limping for?"
"My eating disorder had a few choice words on 'rest'. Rest was for real endurance athletes and currently my gross fat body refused to endure. ...That is not the body of an endurance athlete. Clearly I was too fat for my eating disorder to be relevant. Surely I hadn't worked so hard as to fracture my pelvis..."
"The relationship between malnutrition, the cortisol and adrenaline constantly pumping to keep me on my feet, decreased bone density, and the increased risk of fracture felt irrelevant to me. My diluted bony ass held as fact I was too fat to be unwell in any way."
"...That old stupid joke. What's the difference between a female staff sergeant and a zebra? The zebra doesn't have to lie down for its stripes."
"The veil's mandate was predicated on the assumption that having a female body was an invitation to violation, and it was the responsibility of the owner of a female body to prevent violation by covering herself appropriately. And who should decide what is appropriate? The male clergy during the gazing, obviously."
"Marines' casual condemnation of women Marines ... who wore mascara, joked, laughed, or wore a skirt to a bar off-duty, the way we scolded that we shouldn't do such suggested things less we mistaken for whores, and that daring to do such terrible was reiterated when a female Marine said we'd been sexually harassed or assaulted, that these things somehow had bearing on whether we believed her..."
"Full means something different when you are bulimic. It does not mean enough. It means everything. Full is when there is nothing left to eat, when the pantry is empty, shelves scraped bare, trash rummaged for stray crusts."
"'But you're not fat. ... You don't need to lose weight either. You're perfectly healthy,... You don't need an eating disorder.' ... I heard, you're not skinny enough to have an eating disorder, which I believed, because I had an eating disorder and therefore believed I was roughly the size of a caribou."
"... to speak would admit I was hurting, a deep, all the way down to my bones kind of hurt, and I would not claim that. Because then I'd be a weaker female Marine and honestly, fuck that, I'd rather keel over."
"And females only report to destroy men's lives, and it's really not fair to just judge someone over a few minutes of indiscretion; it's really a war on men.... And suggesting men like to look at women ... is also just biology... And if we're not comfortable with hard fact, well we're the irrational ones...."
4.5 stars.
"... our injuries were fantastical, our fears and concerns about male colleagues irrational batshit, our promotions preferential treatment for sexual acts or their suggestion, our very presence a distraction or even threat to national security and a righteous American civilization."
"None of my senior leadership ... knew how to respond to a marine with an eating disorder."
"I tried drinking instead of bingeing, hoping if I transferred my addiction from food to alcohol I'd have a problem the Marine Corps accredited."
"All that mattered while my command decided amongst themselves if I had an eaten disorder or not was the fact that my weight fell within Marine Corps order 6110.3 [outlines the Marine Corps Body Composition and Military Appearance Program, setting standards for Marine weight, body fat, and overall military appearance]. She's not underweight, they repeated. It can't be that bad."
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
November 22, 2024
Williams was perhaps an odd candidate for the Marines: raised LDS, she had been taught that girls were less-than and that her purpose in life was to be a wife and mother—to support her husband to be the best LDS man he could be. She joined the Marines in part because it was a world away from her upbringing, because in the Marines a woman could be strong.
But in the Marines she learned something else: in the Marines, she learned, she could be a bitch, a dyke, or a whore—those were her only options. She could not be one of the boys (though that was a lesson learned much later), and she would never, ever be allowed to forget that she had a female body. And she learned that the eating disorder that she thought maybe she could rid herself of in the Marines was not ready to be rid of her.
Of all the scars I carried as I sat twitching at my desk over my Arabic, perhaps the most disorienting was this: I did not believe I had the same right as men to dissent. The aftershock of a male clergy, an absolute lack of female spiritual leadership: I'd learned to trust men more than women, including myself, including the discomfort of my own body. (loc. 1757*)
This is a 3.5-star read for me. I found the early parts of the book slow, perhaps because so much of her early time in the Marines was a rude awakening regarding how poorly women in the military were treated; it is—through no fault of Williams—unpleasant reading. It serves its purpose, though, as throughout the book Williams gradually gets desensitized to the insults and degradation and direct or indirect threats of violence...and then, finally, starts to understand that what she is hearing and experiencing just isn't right.
Males had their standard to prove. Be like Him.
Females had our standard to prove. Don't be like Her. (loc. 1321)
The Marines are not a good place to have an active eating disorder. I mean, no place is a particularly good place to have an active eating disorder, but it's so easy to see how the setting played into the worsening of Williams' bulimia—heavy emphasis on appearance, constant degradation of "females", constant sexual harassment, and absolutely zero understanding of what eating disorders are or how they should be addressed.
Because Williams was assigned to study languages, her trajectory in the Marines was different than one might assume; years passed spent in the States, struggling with Arabic and then being moved on to Farsi and beyond. It's hard not to wonder how her experience might have been different (better or, quite possibly, even worse) if she'd been on a different track; but then, it's hard also not to wonder how her experience might have been different if layer after layer of higher-ups had responded to her calls for help with "let's figure out how to get you the help you need" rather than "but if she's still showing up to work, why does it matter if she's throwing up X times a day?"
Mostly the ghost months blurred as my body quietly began shutting down. (loc. 3996)
*Quotes are from an ARC and may not be final.
Thanks to the author and publisher for providing a review copy through NetGalley.
But in the Marines she learned something else: in the Marines, she learned, she could be a bitch, a dyke, or a whore—those were her only options. She could not be one of the boys (though that was a lesson learned much later), and she would never, ever be allowed to forget that she had a female body. And she learned that the eating disorder that she thought maybe she could rid herself of in the Marines was not ready to be rid of her.
Of all the scars I carried as I sat twitching at my desk over my Arabic, perhaps the most disorienting was this: I did not believe I had the same right as men to dissent. The aftershock of a male clergy, an absolute lack of female spiritual leadership: I'd learned to trust men more than women, including myself, including the discomfort of my own body. (loc. 1757*)
This is a 3.5-star read for me. I found the early parts of the book slow, perhaps because so much of her early time in the Marines was a rude awakening regarding how poorly women in the military were treated; it is—through no fault of Williams—unpleasant reading. It serves its purpose, though, as throughout the book Williams gradually gets desensitized to the insults and degradation and direct or indirect threats of violence...and then, finally, starts to understand that what she is hearing and experiencing just isn't right.
Males had their standard to prove. Be like Him.
Females had our standard to prove. Don't be like Her. (loc. 1321)
The Marines are not a good place to have an active eating disorder. I mean, no place is a particularly good place to have an active eating disorder, but it's so easy to see how the setting played into the worsening of Williams' bulimia—heavy emphasis on appearance, constant degradation of "females", constant sexual harassment, and absolutely zero understanding of what eating disorders are or how they should be addressed.
Because Williams was assigned to study languages, her trajectory in the Marines was different than one might assume; years passed spent in the States, struggling with Arabic and then being moved on to Farsi and beyond. It's hard not to wonder how her experience might have been different (better or, quite possibly, even worse) if she'd been on a different track; but then, it's hard also not to wonder how her experience might have been different if layer after layer of higher-ups had responded to her calls for help with "let's figure out how to get you the help you need" rather than "but if she's still showing up to work, why does it matter if she's throwing up X times a day?"
Mostly the ghost months blurred as my body quietly began shutting down. (loc. 3996)
*Quotes are from an ARC and may not be final.
Thanks to the author and publisher for providing a review copy through NetGalley.
January 1, 2026
I went into this book sharing a lot of similar experiences with the author, but we reacted to those experiences very differently.
Going into the USMC with the expectation of being the “female Marine” or a “hero” feels like setting yourself up for years of feeling like a failure—regardless of gender. I went through many of the same events Bailey describes, but the females I encountered were there, navigated the same male-dominated world, and did so fairly well by having the expectation of being a Marine, not a female Marine.
I want to be clear: I am not dismissing what she went through. Too many females do experience what she describes, and they shouldn’t. Those experiences are real, and they matter. What I disagree with is painting the entire Marine Corps as having the same sentiments and thought processes. That broad characterization feels wrong and unfair, and it doesn’t reflect my experience or the experience of many others who served.
This book made me think that NCIS/CID should really investigate the leadership—staff NCOs and officers—who were present during the time she went through these experiences. Not taking care of your junior Marines, regardless of gender, is unacceptable, and what comes across in her story feels like gross negligence.
Weight standards are hard. I fluctuated between underweight and overweight during my time, and 100% of the time leadership knew what was going on. It’s their job. The idea that Bailey was so grossly ignored or mocked repeatedly makes me think, again, that leadership failed her.
I also struggled with how the book frames the Marine Corps as the source of her eating disorder. The Marine Corps didn’t give her that—she came into the Marine Corps with it. That failure started at the recruiting level. You can and should hold leadership accountable for how a Marine is supported, but you can’t blame an institution for something that existed before entering it.
Out of all the failures she imagined in her head, the one that stands out most is that she failed basic Marine standards—not being there to learn the job, not meeting expectations, not running in a cup no other Marine cares about or has even heard of. You’re there to learn how to do your job where the USMC needs you, not where you want to be.
I didn’t love the perception of the Marine Corps that the book gives. Everyone’s time is their own, but some of the statements made it seem like the Marine Corps was wrong everywhere, all the time. That was not my experience. What stood out most to me was how alone she was in her struggle—no leadership, no support—which again, was not my experience.
My biggest takeaway is this: sometimes you can go into an experience with a fixed idea, and that idea can shape the experience into something it isn’t.
Going into the USMC with the expectation of being the “female Marine” or a “hero” feels like setting yourself up for years of feeling like a failure—regardless of gender. I went through many of the same events Bailey describes, but the females I encountered were there, navigated the same male-dominated world, and did so fairly well by having the expectation of being a Marine, not a female Marine.
I want to be clear: I am not dismissing what she went through. Too many females do experience what she describes, and they shouldn’t. Those experiences are real, and they matter. What I disagree with is painting the entire Marine Corps as having the same sentiments and thought processes. That broad characterization feels wrong and unfair, and it doesn’t reflect my experience or the experience of many others who served.
This book made me think that NCIS/CID should really investigate the leadership—staff NCOs and officers—who were present during the time she went through these experiences. Not taking care of your junior Marines, regardless of gender, is unacceptable, and what comes across in her story feels like gross negligence.
Weight standards are hard. I fluctuated between underweight and overweight during my time, and 100% of the time leadership knew what was going on. It’s their job. The idea that Bailey was so grossly ignored or mocked repeatedly makes me think, again, that leadership failed her.
I also struggled with how the book frames the Marine Corps as the source of her eating disorder. The Marine Corps didn’t give her that—she came into the Marine Corps with it. That failure started at the recruiting level. You can and should hold leadership accountable for how a Marine is supported, but you can’t blame an institution for something that existed before entering it.
Out of all the failures she imagined in her head, the one that stands out most is that she failed basic Marine standards—not being there to learn the job, not meeting expectations, not running in a cup no other Marine cares about or has even heard of. You’re there to learn how to do your job where the USMC needs you, not where you want to be.
I didn’t love the perception of the Marine Corps that the book gives. Everyone’s time is their own, but some of the statements made it seem like the Marine Corps was wrong everywhere, all the time. That was not my experience. What stood out most to me was how alone she was in her struggle—no leadership, no support—which again, was not my experience.
My biggest takeaway is this: sometimes you can go into an experience with a fixed idea, and that idea can shape the experience into something it isn’t.
July 28, 2025
Another memoir which could be one extra star except I felt the beginning was the best, and the rest of the book was like a roller coaster of “interesting-lagging-sorrowful-lacking-compelling-ect…”
I really could feel the author’s pain and insecurity of her past. Her binge eating was descriptive enough to make anyone empathize with the disorder. The author seemed uncertain though of her standing with her military service though. I could comprehend why she felt disgust with her being female in the marines, but it was as if all the blame went towards that rather than what she herself could not admit to herself about her own reasons for joining the male-dominated service. It seemed as though she expected better cooperation being female in an already known situation where men were still archaically mistreating women. It was terrible how she was treated and that was wrong, but it is very widely known how pervasive the sexism is still ongoing in this select service. I mean, even the world as we know it is still like this everywhere women go.
I am always hesitant to read a memoir from such a young person as it’s usually disappointing. Perhaps it’s because they offer less years to analyze appropriately their experiences? This is no exception. It lacked in wisdom and depth. I felt like I was reading a blog from a very young person trying to work the kinks out of her life. It was still compelling to read, but just lacked more depth. I imagine younger people with this disorder will greatly appreciate this memoir much more than one who is older and, well…more read.
I really could feel the author’s pain and insecurity of her past. Her binge eating was descriptive enough to make anyone empathize with the disorder. The author seemed uncertain though of her standing with her military service though. I could comprehend why she felt disgust with her being female in the marines, but it was as if all the blame went towards that rather than what she herself could not admit to herself about her own reasons for joining the male-dominated service. It seemed as though she expected better cooperation being female in an already known situation where men were still archaically mistreating women. It was terrible how she was treated and that was wrong, but it is very widely known how pervasive the sexism is still ongoing in this select service. I mean, even the world as we know it is still like this everywhere women go.
I am always hesitant to read a memoir from such a young person as it’s usually disappointing. Perhaps it’s because they offer less years to analyze appropriately their experiences? This is no exception. It lacked in wisdom and depth. I felt like I was reading a blog from a very young person trying to work the kinks out of her life. It was still compelling to read, but just lacked more depth. I imagine younger people with this disorder will greatly appreciate this memoir much more than one who is older and, well…more read.
February 23, 2025
Grateful to this author and book for helping me understand what it could be like to be a (white) woman in the Marines.
But very frustrated with the "how" of the memoir - it feels written too soon in this author's healing journey.
The author is deeply invested, still, in her body weight/size/strength. She spends almost a majority of her afterword on making sure we know she did indeed run X number of miles over her time with the Marines. She seems to take pride in recounting how many calories she ate on this or that day, declaring that yes it is possible that you can do X while eating only Y, reveling in the pain of her physical decline, and recounting her weight with pride (and letting us know that she did indeed reach her goal weight of XX). I felt like this book was more a masochistic brag than a memoir that hoped to show others they are not alone and/or encourage others' healing journeys.
She also gives virtually zero attention to all the doors that opened to her in helpful ways, and all the helpful excuses and leniencies she had access to, because she was white. For her, to be a white woman in the Marines is identical to being a woman in the Marines - which just doesn't hold up when comparing her story to others' stories. There is so much entitlement, pride, and privilege here.
But very frustrated with the "how" of the memoir - it feels written too soon in this author's healing journey.
The author is deeply invested, still, in her body weight/size/strength. She spends almost a majority of her afterword on making sure we know she did indeed run X number of miles over her time with the Marines. She seems to take pride in recounting how many calories she ate on this or that day, declaring that yes it is possible that you can do X while eating only Y, reveling in the pain of her physical decline, and recounting her weight with pride (and letting us know that she did indeed reach her goal weight of XX). I felt like this book was more a masochistic brag than a memoir that hoped to show others they are not alone and/or encourage others' healing journeys.
She also gives virtually zero attention to all the doors that opened to her in helpful ways, and all the helpful excuses and leniencies she had access to, because she was white. For her, to be a white woman in the Marines is identical to being a woman in the Marines - which just doesn't hold up when comparing her story to others' stories. There is so much entitlement, pride, and privilege here.
June 30, 2025
While I liked this book (4.5), so much of it is devoted to her long-time suffering from PTSD, bulimia/anorexia, and a strict religious upbringing -- it can sometimes be a tedious read. Bailey joined the Marines in an attempt to circumvent the pain she was in, but of course, her time there and her experiences (some of which were from her illness-warped perspective, some from a toxic gender culture, and the bureaucracy of Armed Service) only exacerbated her troubles. She kept sinking deeper and deeper, and I kept inwardly screaming "Get some help -- now! And you won't find it in the Marines!!".
Her story is worth the read (humanity is often amazing for its ability to suffer long-term) and provided a hard look into the world of eating disorders, and also parts of the military (not a good combo. And men in service, or at least the Marines, do better towards the women you serve with). I would also be interested in all that her healing entailed after the book ended and she embarked on the long road of recovery. Heads up that the topics here may be triggering for some; she has chosen to write in detail about the hard realities of anorexia and bulimia, disorders that I suspect are more widespread than is currently believed, and likely often very misunderstood.
Her story is worth the read (humanity is often amazing for its ability to suffer long-term) and provided a hard look into the world of eating disorders, and also parts of the military (not a good combo. And men in service, or at least the Marines, do better towards the women you serve with). I would also be interested in all that her healing entailed after the book ended and she embarked on the long road of recovery. Heads up that the topics here may be triggering for some; she has chosen to write in detail about the hard realities of anorexia and bulimia, disorders that I suspect are more widespread than is currently believed, and likely often very misunderstood.
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