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And the Dragons Do Come: Raising a Transgender Kid in Rural America
A gripping account of one family’s battle to protect their daughter against transphobia and hate in contemporary America
Our country stands at a critical cultural crossroads, with a wave of anti-trans legislation emerging at unprecedented levels, targeting trans children, in particular, who face increasing stigmatization and erasure. Sim Butler’s And the Dragons Do Come is a poignant account of one family’s experience of parenting and supporting a trans child against this nightmarish backdrop.
In recent years, the Butler family faced an impossible reality in their home state of Alabama, where trans rights are increasingly under attack. Butler recounts their family’s struggles and sacrifices to protect their trans child against the barrage of state-sanctioned intolerance in the legal, educational, and health arenas.
Around the time she turned twelve, his daughter’s personal struggles became political fodder. Along with other trans kids, she was outlawed from playing sports and forbidden to use the girls’ bathroom. Another law made Butler and his wife felons for seeking trans-affirming health care for her. When her charter school was featured in several gubernatorial campaign ads, local community members began driving through the parking lot to yell at the trans kids.
Serving both as a compassionate story of one family’s struggle for acceptance and as a window onto a fraught issue that parents, grandparents, other family members, and friends are confronting across the nation, And the Dragons Do Come provides a firsthand perspective on the human cost of anti-trans sentiment.
Our country stands at a critical cultural crossroads, with a wave of anti-trans legislation emerging at unprecedented levels, targeting trans children, in particular, who face increasing stigmatization and erasure. Sim Butler’s And the Dragons Do Come is a poignant account of one family’s experience of parenting and supporting a trans child against this nightmarish backdrop.
In recent years, the Butler family faced an impossible reality in their home state of Alabama, where trans rights are increasingly under attack. Butler recounts their family’s struggles and sacrifices to protect their trans child against the barrage of state-sanctioned intolerance in the legal, educational, and health arenas.
Around the time she turned twelve, his daughter’s personal struggles became political fodder. Along with other trans kids, she was outlawed from playing sports and forbidden to use the girls’ bathroom. Another law made Butler and his wife felons for seeking trans-affirming health care for her. When her charter school was featured in several gubernatorial campaign ads, local community members began driving through the parking lot to yell at the trans kids.
Serving both as a compassionate story of one family’s struggle for acceptance and as a window onto a fraught issue that parents, grandparents, other family members, and friends are confronting across the nation, And the Dragons Do Come provides a firsthand perspective on the human cost of anti-trans sentiment.
224 pages, Hardcover
Published November 4, 2025
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 43 reviews
November 17, 2025
read this in a weekend. a glimpse into the decisions and struggles and love in a family with information on the laws and politics aimed at "others". everyone should read it.
March 9, 2026
And The Dragons Do Come by Sim Butler is the account of the struggles a parent goes through when trying to raise a transgender child.
This was a rather sad story. It told the story of how the parents of a young child showed their love, despite all their fears. They didn't know if they were doing the right thing at any point of their child's life. They feared for her safety in later years, and worried about the struggles she would endure. The parents tried to shield their daughter from everything, but could not. From playing sports, to using a restroom, to getting appropriate healthcare. The Grade 1 debacle was particularly heart-breaking.
However, sometimes I skimmed. I know the author meant for us to show how people "pretend", but the story about his own birthday where his sheriff grandfather came to arrest the three birthday boys, just didn't do it. It seemed irrelevant.
I felt this was more of a political book than the story of a family. There were so many statistics about laws passed or rejected, of state laws, and of Trump and his laws. Although these are real issues, and they affect the entire transgender population and their families, there was too much. Somehow, I stopped caring about Kate. There was too much else to think about. That, in itself, was sad.
I really sympathize with the Butler family, and with every other family going through this today. I cannot begin to understand the struggles they face. But this book ended up being very impersonal, as it was really told from the father's perspective, and his struggles with the laws. We rarely heard the mother or sister mentioned. However, his love for Kate was evident, and if nothing else, that is why he got 3 stars from me.
Anyway, until next time ....
For a more thorough review of this book and others (including the reason I chose to read/review this book, my own synopsis of the book, its author information and a favorite quotation or two from this book), please visit my blog: http://katlovesbooksblog.wordpress.com/
November 4, 2025
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for this audiobook!
In "And the Dragons Do Come", Sim Butler speaks about his journey as the father of a transgender daughter, who came out before entering primary school.
As a nonbinary individual myself, and remembering very well the ways in which my family reacted when I first came out (some better, some worse), I appreciated how ready Butler was to stand up for his daughter, especially in situations in which she could not do so for herself, as well as his reflections on the choices he made both when raising her and in the process of writing this book (such as using a pseudonym for her, against her will, but in concern for her safety - originally, he planned to use her name, but changed his mind in light of recent political events, so as to allow her a possibility to be stealth if needed). Through Butler's back-and-forth with himself and his constant questioning of his choices and the motives behind these choices, I also gained insight into the other side of being a transgender child, that of HAVING a transgender child and the concerns that come along with it. Reading this book, I feel very happy for Kate that she has him as her father (like, he prepared a 100-page-document on studies on transgender youth and gender dysphoria to show to a teacher who kept misgendering her. That's amazing).
Another aspect I appreciated was the discussions of everyday aspects of their life, some of them only affected minimally by Kate's being transgender, others being made much more difficult, mainly due to the attitudes of people around them. Additionally, while much of the information was already known to me, I think that Butler's mention of research, statistics etc. when discussing his daughter's experiences, connecting the science and the real-life manifestation of it, will be very valuable to people who are somewhat curious about the issue, but not very educated, and unsure about what is and isn't true in the increasingly polarised "transgender debate" (I hate calling it that, but it sadly is what it is). He manages to include the science without sounding condescending or preachy, but instead just like a concerned father, which I think is more likely to reach the people that don't already place themselves on the "pro-trans" side.
Butler describes his family's journey with honesty and compassion, showing not only the ways in which he was a great father, but also the ways in which he messed up, and the ways in which he constantly questions himself and his choices, admitting honestly when his worries are based more in himself than in the wellbeing of his daughter. This honesty was refreshing and very appreciated.
In "And the Dragons Do Come", Sim Butler speaks about his journey as the father of a transgender daughter, who came out before entering primary school.
As a nonbinary individual myself, and remembering very well the ways in which my family reacted when I first came out (some better, some worse), I appreciated how ready Butler was to stand up for his daughter, especially in situations in which she could not do so for herself, as well as his reflections on the choices he made both when raising her and in the process of writing this book (such as using a pseudonym for her, against her will, but in concern for her safety - originally, he planned to use her name, but changed his mind in light of recent political events, so as to allow her a possibility to be stealth if needed). Through Butler's back-and-forth with himself and his constant questioning of his choices and the motives behind these choices, I also gained insight into the other side of being a transgender child, that of HAVING a transgender child and the concerns that come along with it. Reading this book, I feel very happy for Kate that she has him as her father (like, he prepared a 100-page-document on studies on transgender youth and gender dysphoria to show to a teacher who kept misgendering her. That's amazing).
Another aspect I appreciated was the discussions of everyday aspects of their life, some of them only affected minimally by Kate's being transgender, others being made much more difficult, mainly due to the attitudes of people around them. Additionally, while much of the information was already known to me, I think that Butler's mention of research, statistics etc. when discussing his daughter's experiences, connecting the science and the real-life manifestation of it, will be very valuable to people who are somewhat curious about the issue, but not very educated, and unsure about what is and isn't true in the increasingly polarised "transgender debate" (I hate calling it that, but it sadly is what it is). He manages to include the science without sounding condescending or preachy, but instead just like a concerned father, which I think is more likely to reach the people that don't already place themselves on the "pro-trans" side.
Butler describes his family's journey with honesty and compassion, showing not only the ways in which he was a great father, but also the ways in which he messed up, and the ways in which he constantly questions himself and his choices, admitting honestly when his worries are based more in himself than in the wellbeing of his daughter. This honesty was refreshing and very appreciated.
October 5, 2025
And the Dragons Do Come is an eloquent and honest account of raising a transgender child in the American South. It was hard not to stay engaged by the author’s voice, passion, and advocacy. He was respectful about keeping his daughter’s identity private; he used his experience as a cisgender man to talk about how it affected him, rather than speaking for her.
The author is deeply informed about transgender laws and uses concrete evidence and years of research to prove it. He admits when he is wrong, and is willing to stand up for what is right by using his knowledge and privilege. It was interesting to hear about a trans child who knew she was a girl by the time she was in early elementary school. Although there were moments of doubt, it was a pleasure to read how Butler and his family went out of their way to ensure that she was supported and respected from a young age. This feels like the bare minimum but is rarely the case, as is presented in this book. Although it includes important moments of trans joy, the message is truly devastating. Please be in a place that allows you to process heavy topics safely before you dive into this book. That being said, I believe every person would benefit from reading this raw, heartbreaking, and frankly much needed personal history, regardless of political affiliation or “opinion.” You will learn something.
Thank you to NetGalley and The New Press for providing me with access to this ARC. #NetGalley
The author is deeply informed about transgender laws and uses concrete evidence and years of research to prove it. He admits when he is wrong, and is willing to stand up for what is right by using his knowledge and privilege. It was interesting to hear about a trans child who knew she was a girl by the time she was in early elementary school. Although there were moments of doubt, it was a pleasure to read how Butler and his family went out of their way to ensure that she was supported and respected from a young age. This feels like the bare minimum but is rarely the case, as is presented in this book. Although it includes important moments of trans joy, the message is truly devastating. Please be in a place that allows you to process heavy topics safely before you dive into this book. That being said, I believe every person would benefit from reading this raw, heartbreaking, and frankly much needed personal history, regardless of political affiliation or “opinion.” You will learn something.
Thank you to NetGalley and The New Press for providing me with access to this ARC. #NetGalley
November 3, 2025
And the Dragons Do Come is a heart wrenching and honest telling of raising a transgender child in rural America. Butler is raising his daughter, who came out as transgender at six years old, in Alabama and navigating the complexities of educating his family and community on her needs, balancing advocating for her without speaking for her.
Butler shares his experiences navigating the church, schools, and community spaces that were so important to their lives and how they weren't always knowledgeable or welcoming to their family. He speaks with honesty about his fears, faults, and the moments he's made mistakes.
Butler opens up about some of the larger obstacles currently happening- legislation banning trans athletes, gender affirming health care, and the stream of anti-trans legislation happening- particularly in his home state of Alabama.
I loved the voice that Butler uses, his experiences as a debate professor and coach shines through. He is concise but passionate in his words and you can tell that at the heart of all of it, he's a father trying to support his kids the best way he knows how.
An absolutely beautiful read.
And the Dragons Do Come is due to be published 11/04/2025 and I received an advanced copy in exchange for my review.
Butler shares his experiences navigating the church, schools, and community spaces that were so important to their lives and how they weren't always knowledgeable or welcoming to their family. He speaks with honesty about his fears, faults, and the moments he's made mistakes.
Butler opens up about some of the larger obstacles currently happening- legislation banning trans athletes, gender affirming health care, and the stream of anti-trans legislation happening- particularly in his home state of Alabama.
I loved the voice that Butler uses, his experiences as a debate professor and coach shines through. He is concise but passionate in his words and you can tell that at the heart of all of it, he's a father trying to support his kids the best way he knows how.
An absolutely beautiful read.
And the Dragons Do Come is due to be published 11/04/2025 and I received an advanced copy in exchange for my review.
books-i-bought-tbr
October 8, 2025This title is part of my 'Best Titles of the Year' selection.
The more iconic.
(Thank you to the publishersssss for the e-arc!)
The more iconic.
(Thank you to the publishersssss for the e-arc!)
August 9, 2026
This was fantastic. If books like this were required reading, we’d be living in a much more empathetic world. I’m sorry the story had to be told, but I’m thankful he told it. And he told it from the love of a father with scientific facts and data to support him. Fantastic read!
November 23, 2025
In awe. This book taught me so much and I am grateful to have read it. I felt every emotion; I cried, I smiled, I laughed, I held a fist in anger, I cheered, I bit my tongue to stop from cursing out loud. I will read it again and again and still feel it all.
March 10, 2026
such an important story
November 30, 2025
This book is phenomenal. It was a very well thought out account of what it’s like to raise a transgender child in the U.S. and in a red state. It opened my eyes to a lot of politics and anti-trans legislation that has happened in our county especially since 2016. The story of Sim and his daughter is one that isn’t told loud enough.
March 5, 2026
Important book written by the father of a transgender girl. I did see some typos that I hope get fixed in later editions. I read this book with an aching jaw, as I kept clenching my teeth in rage at the hatefulness and ridiculousness of the legal battles transgender people face. It makes me furious that transgender children and their parents are the victims of fear-mongering politics.
January 8, 2026
Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for an advanced copy in exchange for an honest review.
Ohh man did this one pull at my heart. This is a wonderful and educational memoir from a father who is doing his best to support his trans daughter as she grows up in an increasingly conservative and hostile Alabama.
The author himself had little familiarity with LGBTQ+ topics, and it was interesting to see how he described his journey of understanding his daughter's needs and eventually becoming a fiery advocate for her health and rights. His perspective as a parent is so valuable, and he recounts how accepting and advocating for his daughter as she was resulted in her blossoming as a child and the disappearance of some of her developing behavioral issues. He also recounts the myriad of struggles they faced in trying to first just prevent harassment of his daughter in school as she outwardly transitioned, and later in trying to get medical healthcare for her as she began to enter puberty. Some of his interactions with his daughters' former teachers made me absolutely livid, and you can really see directly the importance of school in particular being a safe space for children to express their identities.
The author also does a really great job of educating the reader on some anti-trans legislation and debunking popular anti-trans rhetoric as well. He explains very clearly that some of the major talking points that are brought up (i.e. "mutilating" kids with unnecessary genital surgeries) are not even at all what is happening when parents seek care for their trans kids (most of this care by far is in the form of non-permanent puberty blocking treatment for kids entering puberty, and maybe later on some hormone therapy- none of which is surgical. But even before these things, most parents just completely normal, reversible things: they want their child to be able to dress how they want and grow their hair how they want without it becoming dangerous for them). Moreover, in his home state of Alabama, the genital surgeries for children that get constantly brought up legally do not even exist, and are only used as a false talking point to scare voters.
I really enjoyed this educational aspect of the book, and the author is himself a professional debater and debate coach so he argues his points extremely well. He makes some interesting observations about how conservative ideology is rooted in the rights of the individual, and yet they seem inexplicably concerned with infringing the rights of individuals to determine their own identities. Similarly, during COVID-19 conservatives in his state were furious about mask mandates and vaccines, and yet are adamant that the government, rather than individual parents, should control the healthcare path of trans children. But rather than just poking at the other side, the author asserts that these things are deeply serious- when bills are being floated that would make any form of trans healthcare (made vague on purpose to encompass nearly anything) a felony, or when in Texas it is now considered child abuse to provide loving support to your trans child, these things become truly dangerous for trans children. He included an especially poignant chapter that made me cry, of obituaries of trans children who either committed suicide or were murdered by their peers as a result of all of these false narratives and fear-mongering.
One other aspect I really loved about this book was that the author is born and raised in Alabama, the deep south, and loves his home and community with a passion. He fights throughout his daughter's childhood for her right to grow up there and thrive. He finds a supportive network of friends, family, and eventually also a school and even a church where his daughter is accepted with open arms. Whereas many can be dismissive of the south as one giant conservative monoculture, as someone who also grew up in the south I adore when people portray how diverse these communities really are and how much love and acceptance can thrive despite the political hatred (for example also in Country Queers: A Love Letter). It breaks both the author's and the reader's heart when he and his family are forced to relocate at the end of this book due to inaccessible healthcare and increasing danger for his daughter.
Overall this was one of the best and most impactful reads of 2025 for me, and strongly recommend it to any wanting to better understand the dynamics of queerness in southern America or parenting a trans child. 5 stars!
Ohh man did this one pull at my heart. This is a wonderful and educational memoir from a father who is doing his best to support his trans daughter as she grows up in an increasingly conservative and hostile Alabama.
The author himself had little familiarity with LGBTQ+ topics, and it was interesting to see how he described his journey of understanding his daughter's needs and eventually becoming a fiery advocate for her health and rights. His perspective as a parent is so valuable, and he recounts how accepting and advocating for his daughter as she was resulted in her blossoming as a child and the disappearance of some of her developing behavioral issues. He also recounts the myriad of struggles they faced in trying to first just prevent harassment of his daughter in school as she outwardly transitioned, and later in trying to get medical healthcare for her as she began to enter puberty. Some of his interactions with his daughters' former teachers made me absolutely livid, and you can really see directly the importance of school in particular being a safe space for children to express their identities.
"If I could give advice to parents, it's to work your way through your feelings in those coming-out moments. Label what you are feeling and figure out why you have that feeling in this context. I was afraid because I knew that being trans would make my child's life harder. I was ashamed because I did not know what to do. I was sad because I knew her life would not be like mine had been. All those feelings came from a place of love. Because I love my child, I can support her even when I am afraid for her, ashamed of myself, and grieving the loss of the easy life I had hoped she would have."
The author also does a really great job of educating the reader on some anti-trans legislation and debunking popular anti-trans rhetoric as well. He explains very clearly that some of the major talking points that are brought up (i.e. "mutilating" kids with unnecessary genital surgeries) are not even at all what is happening when parents seek care for their trans kids (most of this care by far is in the form of non-permanent puberty blocking treatment for kids entering puberty, and maybe later on some hormone therapy- none of which is surgical. But even before these things, most parents just completely normal, reversible things: they want their child to be able to dress how they want and grow their hair how they want without it becoming dangerous for them). Moreover, in his home state of Alabama, the genital surgeries for children that get constantly brought up legally do not even exist, and are only used as a false talking point to scare voters.
I really enjoyed this educational aspect of the book, and the author is himself a professional debater and debate coach so he argues his points extremely well. He makes some interesting observations about how conservative ideology is rooted in the rights of the individual, and yet they seem inexplicably concerned with infringing the rights of individuals to determine their own identities. Similarly, during COVID-19 conservatives in his state were furious about mask mandates and vaccines, and yet are adamant that the government, rather than individual parents, should control the healthcare path of trans children. But rather than just poking at the other side, the author asserts that these things are deeply serious- when bills are being floated that would make any form of trans healthcare (made vague on purpose to encompass nearly anything) a felony, or when in Texas it is now considered child abuse to provide loving support to your trans child, these things become truly dangerous for trans children. He included an especially poignant chapter that made me cry, of obituaries of trans children who either committed suicide or were murdered by their peers as a result of all of these false narratives and fear-mongering.
One other aspect I really loved about this book was that the author is born and raised in Alabama, the deep south, and loves his home and community with a passion. He fights throughout his daughter's childhood for her right to grow up there and thrive. He finds a supportive network of friends, family, and eventually also a school and even a church where his daughter is accepted with open arms. Whereas many can be dismissive of the south as one giant conservative monoculture, as someone who also grew up in the south I adore when people portray how diverse these communities really are and how much love and acceptance can thrive despite the political hatred (for example also in Country Queers: A Love Letter). It breaks both the author's and the reader's heart when he and his family are forced to relocate at the end of this book due to inaccessible healthcare and increasing danger for his daughter.
"Perhaps that is the goal of laws like this, to force the different to flee, so that Alabama is devoid of dissent. Perhaps the goal is to make life so tough for those who don't fit a politically popular mold that they find it necessary to find a friendlier place to live. I hope not. The thought of that breaks my heart."
Overall this was one of the best and most impactful reads of 2025 for me, and strongly recommend it to any wanting to better understand the dynamics of queerness in southern America or parenting a trans child. 5 stars!
November 2, 2025
This book is about a family’s fierce, unconditional love. When their daughter came out as transgender at just six years old, Sim Butler and his family started a journey that many parents could never imagine—but every parent should be ready for.
Butler shares what it was like to navigate school, church, and community spaces that weren’t always welcoming. He’s honest and vulnerable about the fears, the confusion and the love that kept them going. He doesn't shy away from mentioning the mistakes he's made along the way. His family’s story makes the idea of advocacy so much more human and relatable—it’s about love in action.
There are a lot of incredible books out there written by transgender and non-binary people about their own experiences, but hearing this story from a parent’s perspective was really eye-opening. It helped me see what families go through when they’re trying to do the right thing and support a child who just wants to be themselves.
Butler also talks about the bigger picture—bans on trans athletes, attacks on gender-affirming health care, and the wave of anti-trans bills being passed in states like Alabama. As a professor and debate coach, he articulates his opinions very clearly and refers to numerous studies to back up his arguments.
As someone who doesn’t live in the U.S., I honestly find it heartbreaking. I keep asking myself, how can this be happening in the 21st century? It feels like the country is moving backward, year after year.
This book is one every parent—and anyone thinking about becoming one—should read. It’s a reminder that raising a child means being ready to love them for who they are, no matter what. If you’re not ready to do that, then you’re not ready to bring a child into this world.
My favourite quote from the book that keeps being proven right over and over:
"Winning the argument with logic is not always the path to changing someone's mind. If I was going to protect my child, I had to get them out of that environment."
Thank you NetGalley and Brilliance Audio for the advanced audiobook in exchange for my honest review.
Butler shares what it was like to navigate school, church, and community spaces that weren’t always welcoming. He’s honest and vulnerable about the fears, the confusion and the love that kept them going. He doesn't shy away from mentioning the mistakes he's made along the way. His family’s story makes the idea of advocacy so much more human and relatable—it’s about love in action.
There are a lot of incredible books out there written by transgender and non-binary people about their own experiences, but hearing this story from a parent’s perspective was really eye-opening. It helped me see what families go through when they’re trying to do the right thing and support a child who just wants to be themselves.
Butler also talks about the bigger picture—bans on trans athletes, attacks on gender-affirming health care, and the wave of anti-trans bills being passed in states like Alabama. As a professor and debate coach, he articulates his opinions very clearly and refers to numerous studies to back up his arguments.
As someone who doesn’t live in the U.S., I honestly find it heartbreaking. I keep asking myself, how can this be happening in the 21st century? It feels like the country is moving backward, year after year.
This book is one every parent—and anyone thinking about becoming one—should read. It’s a reminder that raising a child means being ready to love them for who they are, no matter what. If you’re not ready to do that, then you’re not ready to bring a child into this world.
My favourite quote from the book that keeps being proven right over and over:
"Winning the argument with logic is not always the path to changing someone's mind. If I was going to protect my child, I had to get them out of that environment."
Thank you NetGalley and Brilliance Audio for the advanced audiobook in exchange for my honest review.
August 12, 2026
Some how my local library recommended this book I wasn't looking for. The account of a parent of a transgender child gives a gentle lesson in Gender-Affirming Health Care 101. His writing is clean and decisive and full of love for his child. As we get Kate safely into adolescence the author outlines a history lesson in the cruelty of politicization of queer children, and ignorance of medical best practices for gender dysphoria. The state I live in now is easily as cruel as Alabama, but there are dragon fighters here too.
Will close with a quote from the Epilogue after he tells the story of Martin Niemöller's confession of truth after surviving Nazi imprisonment, about speaking up for others when we see injustice.
And the last line: "Stay vigilant against injustice, particularly injustice toward the vulnerable, the scared, and the different, and I promise to do the same. Someday even if you are not there yet, you may find yourself ousted socially, culturally, or politically for who you love, how you pray, or how you look. And if I'm still around, I'll stand beside you.".
Will close with a quote from the Epilogue after he tells the story of Martin Niemöller's confession of truth after surviving Nazi imprisonment, about speaking up for others when we see injustice.
Herein lie both our greatest strength and most dangerous weakness as democratic citizens. When we construct our laws, our bills of rights, our constitutions to protect those other than ourselves, we build a pluralistic community that grows stronger together. Using our own beliefs and experiences as common ground, we can come together around what we all agree on. When we are united, we are the most powerful organization the world knows.
"But when we define ourselves and others through our differences, we start down a dangerous path that elevates some over others, often simply for the sake of winning."
And the last line: "Stay vigilant against injustice, particularly injustice toward the vulnerable, the scared, and the different, and I promise to do the same. Someday even if you are not there yet, you may find yourself ousted socially, culturally, or politically for who you love, how you pray, or how you look. And if I'm still around, I'll stand beside you.".
November 8, 2025
I usually don't like rating non fiction works but this one was an easy five stars for me.
First of all, I'm a nonbinary individual who came out around 20yo so I can relate somewhat to the subject but my experience is nothing like Butler's daughter.
Butler does an excellent job at weaving together his daughter's story, his struggles with it, and society's struggles with transgender individuals. You could say that he talks about himself a lot but I would argue that is the main point of the work : to have the poing of view of the cis parent of a transgender child.
I think the opening chapter really tells you everything to know when it comes to the care put into this book. The time spent on names, what they convey, why they matter, really stuck with me. I appreciated how much time Butler is willing to spend on context and comparisons to really convey his point. It's really persuasive.
His daughter is lucky to have him as a father because he was already somewhat educated on the matter and is willing to fight for her but it was also really refreshing to really get into his self reflection and to see him admit that even if he did his best he still failed sometimes and could have done and thought better. Also great to see people acknowledge their privileges and reflect on that.
I think it is a great book to give to parents of transgender children, but also to anyone who knows someone who is not cis. Even as a trans person myself, who did not transition as a kid, I still got a lot from it.
The world sucks, but there are still people fighting for it.
Thank you NetGalley for providing me with an ARC of this book.
First of all, I'm a nonbinary individual who came out around 20yo so I can relate somewhat to the subject but my experience is nothing like Butler's daughter.
Butler does an excellent job at weaving together his daughter's story, his struggles with it, and society's struggles with transgender individuals. You could say that he talks about himself a lot but I would argue that is the main point of the work : to have the poing of view of the cis parent of a transgender child.
I think the opening chapter really tells you everything to know when it comes to the care put into this book. The time spent on names, what they convey, why they matter, really stuck with me. I appreciated how much time Butler is willing to spend on context and comparisons to really convey his point. It's really persuasive.
His daughter is lucky to have him as a father because he was already somewhat educated on the matter and is willing to fight for her but it was also really refreshing to really get into his self reflection and to see him admit that even if he did his best he still failed sometimes and could have done and thought better. Also great to see people acknowledge their privileges and reflect on that.
I think it is a great book to give to parents of transgender children, but also to anyone who knows someone who is not cis. Even as a trans person myself, who did not transition as a kid, I still got a lot from it.
The world sucks, but there are still people fighting for it.
Thank you NetGalley for providing me with an ARC of this book.
December 10, 2025
And the Dragons Do Come is a profound and deeply moving memoir that sheds light on one of the most urgent civil rights issues of our time. Sim Butler writes with remarkable clarity, courage, and tenderness as he recounts his family’s journey raising a transgender daughter in rural Alabama. This is not just a story of hardship, it is a story of fierce love, resilience, and the unbreakable bond between a parent and a child.
From the very first chapter, Butler’s honesty pulls you in. He reveals the emotional, legal, and social battles his family endured as anti-trans legislation tightened around them. What makes this book especially powerful is how personal it is. This is not abstract politics, this is a family fighting for their child’s right to safety, dignity, and joy. The pain of watching their daughter be excluded from sports, denied basic rights, and publicly targeted is heartbreaking, yet Butler narrates everything with grace and unwavering devotion.
The memoir also offers a rare, essential glimpse into how hostile policies affect real families. Butler illustrates the human cost behind headlines, showing the fear, confusion, and frustration, but also the love, laughter, and moments of triumph that sustain them. His daughter’s courage shines through the pages, making her a symbol of hope in a time of increasing division.
This book is not only a call for compassion, it’s a testament to the power of family and the importance of standing up for what is right. Emotional, urgent, and unforgettable, And the Dragons Do Come is a must-read.
From the very first chapter, Butler’s honesty pulls you in. He reveals the emotional, legal, and social battles his family endured as anti-trans legislation tightened around them. What makes this book especially powerful is how personal it is. This is not abstract politics, this is a family fighting for their child’s right to safety, dignity, and joy. The pain of watching their daughter be excluded from sports, denied basic rights, and publicly targeted is heartbreaking, yet Butler narrates everything with grace and unwavering devotion.
The memoir also offers a rare, essential glimpse into how hostile policies affect real families. Butler illustrates the human cost behind headlines, showing the fear, confusion, and frustration, but also the love, laughter, and moments of triumph that sustain them. His daughter’s courage shines through the pages, making her a symbol of hope in a time of increasing division.
This book is not only a call for compassion, it’s a testament to the power of family and the importance of standing up for what is right. Emotional, urgent, and unforgettable, And the Dragons Do Come is a must-read.
November 5, 2025
And the Dragons Do Come by Sim Butler is a powerful and deeply personal look at what it means to raise a transgender child in a place where acceptance isn’t guaranteed. The author shares his family’s experiences with honesty, detailing the everyday challenges of navigating schools, churches, and laws that systemically push them to the margins. His writing captures both the fear and the determination of a parent doing everything possible to protect his daughter while helping others understand her reality. This one was quite moving and it isn't just a memoir. I think it's definitely a social reflection and a love letter to a child who deserves safety and dignity.
What makes this book especially strong is Butler’s willingness to show his uncertainties and mistakes alongside his advocacy. He doesn’t try to come across as perfect. Instead, he focuses on the learning process of parenting through compassion and persistence. The book also ties personal moments to larger social issues in a way that feels accessible and real, not academic. It’s emotional, sometimes painful, but ultimately hopeful. It's a moving reminder of what allyship and parenthood can look like when lived with empathy and conviction. I highly recommend this one!
I had a ALC thanks to NetGalley, and the narrator did a great job at delivering the story. Thank you NetGalley and Brilliance Publishing | Brilliance Audio for the ALC.
What makes this book especially strong is Butler’s willingness to show his uncertainties and mistakes alongside his advocacy. He doesn’t try to come across as perfect. Instead, he focuses on the learning process of parenting through compassion and persistence. The book also ties personal moments to larger social issues in a way that feels accessible and real, not academic. It’s emotional, sometimes painful, but ultimately hopeful. It's a moving reminder of what allyship and parenthood can look like when lived with empathy and conviction. I highly recommend this one!
I had a ALC thanks to NetGalley, and the narrator did a great job at delivering the story. Thank you NetGalley and Brilliance Publishing | Brilliance Audio for the ALC.
November 8, 2025
It’s a heartbreaking story told by the father of a transgender daughter. He walks you through their family’s journey from the moment they chose a name for their baby, to when, very early in life, their child realized she was trapped in a boy’s body. That’s when the real challenges began for the whole family.
I’ve always known that being transgender must be incredibly difficult, but being a transgender as a child and teen is even more complicated. And trying to navigate it all within a society that still feels almost medieval in its racism and sexism adds another unbearable layer of hardship.
I have to give huge credit to the author for the narration. The book is beautifully written and read - tender and loving when he talks about his daughter, but strong and resolute when addressing lawmakers. The subtle Southern accent in the narration adds even more warmth and authenticity.
That said, I can’t say the book was particularly surprising or deeply engaging for me. After reading the synopsis, I already had a good idea of what to expect, and the story mostly circled around familiar themes. I truly sympathize with the Butler family and the challenges they faced, but the book itself didn’t hold my attention as much as I had hoped.
I’ve always known that being transgender must be incredibly difficult, but being a transgender as a child and teen is even more complicated. And trying to navigate it all within a society that still feels almost medieval in its racism and sexism adds another unbearable layer of hardship.
I have to give huge credit to the author for the narration. The book is beautifully written and read - tender and loving when he talks about his daughter, but strong and resolute when addressing lawmakers. The subtle Southern accent in the narration adds even more warmth and authenticity.
That said, I can’t say the book was particularly surprising or deeply engaging for me. After reading the synopsis, I already had a good idea of what to expect, and the story mostly circled around familiar themes. I truly sympathize with the Butler family and the challenges they faced, but the book itself didn’t hold my attention as much as I had hoped.
October 31, 2025
This is very well written. It can really make you understand what families with transgender children go through- the complicated feelings and decisions, and that is before factoring the outside world. I think this book really evokes empathy for the reader. Unfortunately, I also think that those who need to read it most won't.
While I have no friends or family who is transgender, I am an ally. This book had me engrossed* and I read it quickly.
*The only part that had me less enthralled is when the author started going into laws in various states- and naming them by their legal name/number. It was harder to focus on this chapter. However, I still think the book is overall powerful enough to deserve 5 stars.
David de Vries narrates the audiobook and does a really good job. I do wonder why the author didn't narrate though, as he is well versed in public speaking.
On a personal note, I loved David de Vries's accent. I am a Midwesterner who lived in the south for a period of time. I've missed hearing the accent. And his is pretty pronounced- especially when saying "school".
I received an advance audio copy in exchange for an honest review.
While I have no friends or family who is transgender, I am an ally. This book had me engrossed* and I read it quickly.
*The only part that had me less enthralled is when the author started going into laws in various states- and naming them by their legal name/number. It was harder to focus on this chapter. However, I still think the book is overall powerful enough to deserve 5 stars.
David de Vries narrates the audiobook and does a really good job. I do wonder why the author didn't narrate though, as he is well versed in public speaking.
On a personal note, I loved David de Vries's accent. I am a Midwesterner who lived in the south for a period of time. I've missed hearing the accent. And his is pretty pronounced- especially when saying "school".
I received an advance audio copy in exchange for an honest review.
November 20, 2025
And The Dragons Do Come is as heartwarming as it is heartbreaking. It tells of a father who goes on a journey to support his daughter's social and later medical transition from male to female. His support and love in the heart of rural Alabama is truly inspiring, including almost an audition process to choose which church his family went to.
While Kate receives a huge amount of love and support from a very young age, she and her family are faced with the law - illegal to provide gender affirming healthcare among other things.
Butler talks about his own struggles as they raise their daughter in this world, and provides sound and useful advice to be supportive toward trans children. He does ask and answer the question about whether it is a phase,and he does this in a tactful way.
Seeing Kate advocate for trans rights, and hearing the pride (and worry) in Simon's words makes the book feel complete.
For anyone interested in trans rights,whether for personal or general interest, this is absolutely a book for you.
Thank you to Netgalley and Brilliance Publishing for the ALC of this book. I found it eye opening, heartwarming, and scary all at the same time.
While Kate receives a huge amount of love and support from a very young age, she and her family are faced with the law - illegal to provide gender affirming healthcare among other things.
Butler talks about his own struggles as they raise their daughter in this world, and provides sound and useful advice to be supportive toward trans children. He does ask and answer the question about whether it is a phase,and he does this in a tactful way.
Seeing Kate advocate for trans rights, and hearing the pride (and worry) in Simon's words makes the book feel complete.
For anyone interested in trans rights,whether for personal or general interest, this is absolutely a book for you.
Thank you to Netgalley and Brilliance Publishing for the ALC of this book. I found it eye opening, heartwarming, and scary all at the same time.
November 2, 2025
I really enjoyed reading this book! So much I could sigh and nod at. That the Butler family wanted to do the best for their child is incredibly obvious in this book. The horrors they have gone through together as family should be known by every single person who wants to deny a transgender person their personhood. That all being said, this book felt very unfocused. So many side stories popping up, and sometimes it felt more like the author was trying to unburden himself versus tell the story of raising their child. I think I would have approached and accepted this book a little more had it been framed as the father's memoir versus a book on parenting and families. This isn't a how-to or even a how-not-to. I think anyone with a transgender person in their lives would benefit from reading this. And anyone who wants to disregard a transgender person, especially a child, definitely would benefit from reading this book!
Thanks to NetGalley and The New Press for a copy of the book. This review is my own opinion.
Thanks to NetGalley and The New Press for a copy of the book. This review is my own opinion.
March 10, 2026
An extremely thoughtful and informative book about having a transgender child. Very infuriating reading about the prejudice and obstacles the entire family faced. The author, the father of the child, is a native of Alabama and where most of the story took place. After Alabama passed draconian laws restrictig gender affirming care for trans kids, the family did move to some unamed, but still southern state while the author continued to work for a university in Alabama. There were no details on how that was worked out.
It was a little frustrating that the family clung so closely to Alabama for so long and stayed in the south to a slightly less hostile southern state. There are a number of states in this country that are much more trans friendly and I wasn't sure why the family did not relocate to one for the sake of their kid. While trump has made trouble for trans people on the federal level, there are still states which are more trans friendly.
It was a little frustrating that the family clung so closely to Alabama for so long and stayed in the south to a slightly less hostile southern state. There are a number of states in this country that are much more trans friendly and I wasn't sure why the family did not relocate to one for the sake of their kid. While trump has made trouble for trans people on the federal level, there are still states which are more trans friendly.
November 5, 2025
Why I got it: I saw this on NetGalley and I was drawn to it. Reading how someone in rural America is raising a transgender child, is something I wanted to hear about.
Why I read it: I finally had the time to devote to it, but I also had a deadline to meet since it comes out 11/4.
What I liked: This is a great listen. A great book. A tough topic. I genuinely appreciated the inside look on how a family in Alabama faces the dragons with their child who is trans. As a parent of a child who has struggled with gender identity, this is close to my heart. I am lucky that I don’t live in an a red state, but I live in a red area. The challenges they face are ones I have been prepared to battle as needed as my child considers their identity. The love this family has for their child, the support they show, is astounding and inspiring. Excellent read. Great research on the best practices to support transgender people.
Why I read it: I finally had the time to devote to it, but I also had a deadline to meet since it comes out 11/4.
What I liked: This is a great listen. A great book. A tough topic. I genuinely appreciated the inside look on how a family in Alabama faces the dragons with their child who is trans. As a parent of a child who has struggled with gender identity, this is close to my heart. I am lucky that I don’t live in an a red state, but I live in a red area. The challenges they face are ones I have been prepared to battle as needed as my child considers their identity. The love this family has for their child, the support they show, is astounding and inspiring. Excellent read. Great research on the best practices to support transgender people.
November 3, 2025
This was such an informative memoir that did a great job of discussing the issues of trans rights with both logic and emotion. I loved the section towards the beginning that focused on names and identity. My only critique would be that there were some tangents that made the delivery of the story lack focus. I sometimes felt like the book would have benefitted from either choosing to commit fully to being a family memoir or a book on trans issues and education. Overall, a very insightful read.
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for the advanced audiobook in exchange for an honest review. All opinions are my own.
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for the advanced audiobook in exchange for an honest review. All opinions are my own.
November 14, 2025
“The relationship between who someone is and what we call them is often a contested place”
When I was in undergrad, I learned about how to ask folks for their pronouns and use those pronouns intentionally as a sign of respect and affirming their identity. At first, it felt hard because it was different, but now almost a decade later, it’s no big thing. I so appreciate people that can learn something new, practice it, and then let it become part of their everyday habits and being.
The Dragons Do Come was full of so much introspection, learning, and integrating new ways of being for the author, Sim Butler. Instead of clinging meaninglessly to the expectations and dreams we might have for our children, the core question of this book asks, what if we just listened to our children, believed what they were telling and showing us, and still continued to protect them fiercely? This can be in reference to really anything, but this book does it through the lens of a raising a trans child in rural America.
I very much appreciated this family, especially the father, who was so willing to protect and advocate for his daughter. The story was so rich with real experiences, emotions, and evidence. And so full of heart. I throughly enjoyed this book and recommend it for anyone who is interested in helping advocate for a better and more inclusive world.
✨4.5 rounded up.
Thank you NetGalley and Brilliance audio for this arc. The Dragons Do Come comes out November 4, 2025.
When I was in undergrad, I learned about how to ask folks for their pronouns and use those pronouns intentionally as a sign of respect and affirming their identity. At first, it felt hard because it was different, but now almost a decade later, it’s no big thing. I so appreciate people that can learn something new, practice it, and then let it become part of their everyday habits and being.
The Dragons Do Come was full of so much introspection, learning, and integrating new ways of being for the author, Sim Butler. Instead of clinging meaninglessly to the expectations and dreams we might have for our children, the core question of this book asks, what if we just listened to our children, believed what they were telling and showing us, and still continued to protect them fiercely? This can be in reference to really anything, but this book does it through the lens of a raising a trans child in rural America.
I very much appreciated this family, especially the father, who was so willing to protect and advocate for his daughter. The story was so rich with real experiences, emotions, and evidence. And so full of heart. I throughly enjoyed this book and recommend it for anyone who is interested in helping advocate for a better and more inclusive world.
✨4.5 rounded up.
Thank you NetGalley and Brilliance audio for this arc. The Dragons Do Come comes out November 4, 2025.
November 14, 2025
This book is so many things - an exploration of what it means to be trans in the South; an opportunity to challenge the various arguments people and politicians make against gender affirming care; an ominous warning about the utter shitstorm that is hurdling towards ALL of our freedoms in the future; a social commentary on the importance of community - and god help me this feels so cheesy but at its heart, this feels like a love letter from a father to his daughter. and ain’t that what life is all about?
⭐️: 4.75
📕: Ebook through Denver Public Library
⭐️: 4.75
📕: Ebook through Denver Public Library
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February 22, 2026(I do not rate memoirs.)
I absolutely love the voice of Butler as he passionately tells the story of raising his trans daughter in the American South in this climate of rabid transphobia and anti-trans action and rhetoric. He takes such care in writing about his daughter; his heart practically leaps off the page. I wish that so m any could read from him and learn even an ounce of empathy.
I absolutely love the voice of Butler as he passionately tells the story of raising his trans daughter in the American South in this climate of rabid transphobia and anti-trans action and rhetoric. He takes such care in writing about his daughter; his heart practically leaps off the page. I wish that so m any could read from him and learn even an ounce of empathy.
May 26, 2026
A memoir and a call to arms by a parent of a transgender girl who faces oppression by a conservative state that is hostile to them . . . we read kids fairy tales about heroes who face down dragons, to prepare them for when the dragons do come in their own lives . . . absolutely moving and heartbreaking . . .
January 14, 2026
Timely and comprehensive, this book shares personal stories and experiences, as well as research on gender studies and an accounting of the politics and legislation affecting transgender people, families with trans kids, and people who just want to know more.
February 4, 2026
Well-spoken memoir on a dad fighting for his trans daughters rights. His way of breaking down complex problems into simpler terms will hopefully allow people to see how trans kids are impacted by everything going on.
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