Diddly Squat: The Farmer's Dog

Diddly Squat #5

by Jeremy Clarkson

Uncooperative animals, underperforming crops, and rather less than best-laid plans pursued with unbridled enthusiasm. Clarkson’s farm is the gift that keeps on giving.

But, as one overseas visitor* admitted, he only came to Diddly Squat because he just didn’t believe that Jeremy could be so incompetent.

Not one to be discouraged, however, our hero decides to bring his misunderstood entrepreneurial flair to bear on a new a pub. And just a few short weeks later, the doors open on The Farmer’s Dog.

All British produce, Hawkstone beer on tap, a private bar for farmers and a vintage tractor hanging from the ceiling. The perfect country pub. A welcome distraction from sustainable farming initiatives, psychedelic wheat, angry protests in central London and a headbutting goat.

What, you may be asking, could possibly go wrong?

On top of the lavatories packing up and the electricity running out, you mean? As the Cotwolds’ newest publican quickly discovers, there’s a lot more to landlording than pulling pints.

Just as well, then, that he still has Lisa, Kaleb, Cheerful Charlie and Gerald to help him through. Especially now his doctor’s told him he’s got to become a vegetablist …

*along with the whole of the rest of China, apparently


___________

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Humor, Comedy, Biography

137 pages, Kindle Edition

First published October 23, 2025

About the author

Jeremy Charles Robert Clarkson (born April 11, 1960) is an English broadcaster and writer who specialises in motoring.

He writes weekly columns for The Sunday Times and The Sun, but is better known for his role on the BBC television programme Top Gear.

From a career as a local journalist in the north of England, he rose to public prominence as a presenter of the original format of Top Gear in 1988. Since the mid-1990s Clarkson has become a recognised public personality, regularly appearing on British television presenting his own shows and appearing as a guest on other shows. As well as motoring, Clarkson has produced programmes and books on subjects such as history and engineering. From 1998 to 2000 he also hosted his own chat show, Clarkson.

His opinionated but humorous tongue-in-cheek writing and presenting style has often generated much public reaction to his viewpoints. His actions both privately and as a Top Gear presenter have also sometimes resulted in criticism from the media, politicians, pressure groups and the public.

As well as the criticism levelled against him, Clarkson also generated a significant following in the public at large, being credited as a factor in the resurgence of Top Gear to the most popular show on BBC Two, and calls for him to be made Prime Minister. Clarkson himself was keen to downplay his perceived influence on the British public, stating he regularly contradicts himself, and would make a "rubbish" Prime Minister.

Reviews

[Alayne Emmett · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another funny book from Jeremy. My only criticism is that it's far too short. I seem to finish it as soon as I'd begun. Thoroughly enjoyed this wanted more especially about the pub. Now. I've got to wait and see if there will be another one.

[Amanda Sheridan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another excellent instalment about life on Diddly Squat farm told, as always, in Jeremy’s witty, often sarcastic style, and with the occasional rant at idiocy thrown in. While there is a great deal of humour, it serves to highlight the high cost of farming – both emotionally and financially. Inheritance tax, Brexit, the weather all add to the struggle every farmer, large and small, faces in 2025.
And then there’s the pub. The unsustainable cost of farm to fork and keeping everything British raised and British bought. The blocked drains and the electricity failing on opening day. Even the travelling community broke in and set up camp in his car park. They did happily pay for the broken padlock and the clean up afterwards, though.
My only complaint is that the book is far too short, but at least Mr Wilman’s book is on my Kindle.

[Shannon Smith · Rating 4 out of 5]

I always get these books when they come out. I've watched Clarksons farm since the first episode. This book however was bitter sweet. For some reason this one felt special in a way none of the others have. It felt like I had a connection with my now, unfortunately, dead mother. I think because I brought a copy of each one for her and this is the first one I didn't have to do that.

I enjoyed reading Mr Clarkson's opinions on politics and having more areas to research myself about farming and how it's currently being effected. This book does get u thinking while you're having a laugh.

[Debbie Gough · Rating 4 out of 5]

As per tradition, I use the first day of the year to always read a Clarkson book. I love the Diddly Squat series and was really lucky this year to go to The Farmer’s Dog. Lots of chuckles- thanks, Clarkson.

[Oliver · Rating 3 out of 5]

Could have done with some more farming stories.

[Jade · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really enjoyed this! Especially after visiting the pub a few weeks ago!

[Helene Harrison · Rating 4 out of 5]

You can tell how passionate Jeremy Clarkson is about the farming community. This book is like a supportive note to all of those struggling farmers across the UK in trying times. I’ve got each of these books as soon as they’ve come out and I’m never disappointed.

My only criticism is that the books never feel long enough. They’re so funny and quite enlightening, but I always wish there was more. It feels like these books are delving deeper and deeper into the plight of farmers, the more of them that are released. Jeremy is in a privileged position in that he has other income streams, as he acknowledges, but others aren’t so lucky and are really struggling financially.

I spend time looking at the illustrations as they’re very well done and quite entertaining. Jeremy’s constant attempts to try new things, and the mistakes and complaints that he has really comes out in the introductory illustration to each chapter. The chapter titles also make me giggle.

Some people have problems with Jeremy Clarkson which is understandable, but I do admire the way he’s taken over his farm and is trying to stand up and speak out for the plight of the farmers. There are lots of politics comments throughout, as Clarkson very obviously has problems with Keir Starmer and his government, and their treatment of land and people. But Clarkson speaks out and maybe his voice can make a difference.

[Leah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Another solid read. I do wish they would include all of his columns as there was only 20 or so when there must be one a week, but hey ho. Still fun and funny and a brilliant look into farming.

[Juliet · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book to go with an Excellent series

[Robbie Tyrie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I buy Jeremy’s book every year. It’s very very quick to read and always funny. You’re best waiting until the book is on offer as there’s about as much content as a comic so dont pay full price.

[Matthew Thomas · Rating 3 out of 5]

A Witty, if Politically Tinged, Ramble from the Diddly Squat Pub

Diddly Squat: The Farmer’s Dog (named for Jeremy Clarkson’s recently opened pub) collects another year of his weekly newspaper columns. As always, his wit and superb use of hyperbole make for entertaining reading. His talent as a humorist is undeniable.

However, fans hoping for deep dives into farm life or the pub venture may find the focus has drifted. This volume feels heavier on politics and broader world events than on agricultural antics. This is understandable given a tumultuous year for farmers and the column format, but it does mean the titular farm (and dog) sometimes feel like a distant backdrop.

Clarkson’s opinions are forthright and frequently contradictory. He is as complex as the rest of us, which is part of his relatable charm, even when the rants become repetitive. His greatest strength remains raising awareness. Much like his hit show, Clarkson’s Farm, his writing highlights the realities of farming with remarkable impact. I don’t always agree with him, but I commend his passion.

For fans of the show, this is a quick, enjoyable read that provides context for the past year’s headlines and hints at what may fuel the next season. Just be prepared for more commentary on Westminster than stories about Wheatley this time around.

[Ian Bayley · Rating 4 out of 5]

I like Jeremy Clarkson. I don't always agree with him but he does make some interesting points and is entertaining along the way. This was an enjoyable book that was a Christmas gift and since we haven't got to new year yet you can guess that its not exactly war and peace. the text is quite large and there seems a large number of pages full of adverts at the back. Having said that, I did enjoy his farming insights and his political rantings and am sure I will read next year's clarkson offering when it hits the shops for Christmas 2026.

[Vicki Swift · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oh how I love it when I discover a new Diddly Squat book has been released. This is another great one, full of Jeremy's usual addictive humour and the latest disasters at the farm and now the pub too. As always, it's too short due to the filler pages between each chapter, but if I didn't expect that now on the fifth installment then Einstein's definition of insanity would spring to mind. Can't wait for the next one.

[Mandy Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another great Diddly Squat book,humour,interesting facts and emotional stories. Jeremy talks a lot of sense about farming,business,Brexit and the state of the Uk under the current government. I laughed out loud at the last line but it’s also heartbreakingly true. I love the illustrations. Can’t wait for the next series and the next book.

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

These really are a very quick read, but enjoyable. Whoever is voting for our government to save our country should take a look in here and see how our British farmed produce are being truly treated. Clarkson as always is truthful and honest. cant fault him for highlighting the impact the government is having on the farming industries.

[Kerry Marks · Rating 4 out of 5]

I absolutely love Jeremy and his writing style. I have enjoyed every book thoroughly. However, now I feel theyre just too short. The drawings, however lovely and scene-setting, really do take up the bulk of the book and I wish there was more to read.

[David Adams · Rating 4 out of 5]

The most recent entry in the Diddly Squat series has about two chapters dedicated to its title. The rest is Jeremy's opinions on Keir Starmer, the weather and some new Land Rovers.

And it works.

Because its Clarkson.

[Amber Fleming · Rating 3 out of 5]

I love zooming through the diddly squat books! Although they have become more political than farming I still enjoy learning the ways of Jeremy Clarkson who I find very controversial but also very funny. I particularly like his chapter call the midwife for obvious reasons!

[Ian Humphries · Rating 4 out of 5]

Clarkson is the link between us city dwellers and the countryside that we never knew we needed. His lack of but growing appreciation of his new world has taken us all on a journey of greater understanding and respect for the farming community. His witty observations entertain and inform.

[Merv Green · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another throughly good read. Witty with a degree of sarcasm and a lot of common sense. Excellent bedtime reading!

[Emma Hawkins · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thought some of these chapters feel a bit same-y but i guess it’s all relevant things happening: tax on farmers, immigration, environmental issues etc.
still an enjoyable and quick read

[Ben Cooper · Rating 4 out of 5]

I don't agree with everything he writes but he has a way with words and his seemingly genuine affection for farming is infectious

[Dale Main · Rating 3 out of 5]

69/100

[Emily Wallace · Rating 3 out of 5]

I still enjoyed this book but it was also a lot of the same. This was more of a repeat of the same and not as many stories of animals as politics. Still a good read.

[Mairéad · Rating 4 out of 5]

This series has been such a surprise, I really have enjoyed catching up with it in 2025.

[Olly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another great encounter of farm life from Jeremy

[Vickie · Rating 4 out of 5]

From Jeremy Clarkson's column in the Sunday Times. Highly entertaining account of his farming and running a pub. Read in two sittings.

[Will Charley · Rating 4 out of 5]

Witty, engaging and easy to read excerpts from Clarkson’s column, railing equally against the government and the weather

[ʟᴀᴜʀᴇɴ ᴄ❤️ · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not as good as the others but still funny!x

[Sarah Elizabeth · Rating 5 out of 5]

as always, brilliant