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Rethink Yourself: Change Your Thinking (Not Yourself) to Build Your Self-Esteem
Counselor's Choice Award winner, 2025
Dramatically improve your self-esteem by changing unhelpful thinking patterns. Rethink Yourself offers a fresh perspective on building self-esteem by speaking to the mind, not the heart.
The cause of low self esteem isn’t personal deficiencies, even if it feels that way—low self-esteem is a direct result of unfair and unkind self-talk. To improve your self-esteem, you don’t need to change yourself; you just need to change the way you think about yourself. And no, that doesn't involve lying to yourself; it means ensuring your beliefs about yourself are fair and accurate, rather than warped by harsh self-criticism.
Authoritative and insightful, Rethink Yourself is an innovative step-by-step guide using methods rooted in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT). Featuring interactive activities, Rethink Yourself is essential reading for anyone struggling with relentless self-criticism.
This book will help
✔change your negative self-talk by making it work for you, not against you
✔give yourself the credit you deserve without being arrogant
✔know and honor your innate worth
✔uncover positive traits you didn’t even realize you had
✔take your mistakes in stride
✔evaluate your personal qualities fairly and accurately
✔communicate with confidence
. . . and so much more!
Building your self-esteem isn’t about feeling inspired to somehow uncover your hidden confidence, and it’s certainly more nuanced than just looking in the mirror and telling yourself you’re awesome. It’s about changing those deeply held beliefs about yourself that keep you from accepting yourself as you are.
Are you ready to finally start feeling good about yourself?
Dramatically improve your self-esteem by changing unhelpful thinking patterns. Rethink Yourself offers a fresh perspective on building self-esteem by speaking to the mind, not the heart.
The cause of low self esteem isn’t personal deficiencies, even if it feels that way—low self-esteem is a direct result of unfair and unkind self-talk. To improve your self-esteem, you don’t need to change yourself; you just need to change the way you think about yourself. And no, that doesn't involve lying to yourself; it means ensuring your beliefs about yourself are fair and accurate, rather than warped by harsh self-criticism.
Authoritative and insightful, Rethink Yourself is an innovative step-by-step guide using methods rooted in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT). Featuring interactive activities, Rethink Yourself is essential reading for anyone struggling with relentless self-criticism.
This book will help
✔change your negative self-talk by making it work for you, not against you
✔give yourself the credit you deserve without being arrogant
✔know and honor your innate worth
✔uncover positive traits you didn’t even realize you had
✔take your mistakes in stride
✔evaluate your personal qualities fairly and accurately
✔communicate with confidence
. . . and so much more!
Building your self-esteem isn’t about feeling inspired to somehow uncover your hidden confidence, and it’s certainly more nuanced than just looking in the mirror and telling yourself you’re awesome. It’s about changing those deeply held beliefs about yourself that keep you from accepting yourself as you are.
Are you ready to finally start feeling good about yourself?
- GenresSelf Help
223 pages, Kindle Edition
Published January 20, 2025
65 people are currently reading
43 people want to read
About the author
Zach Leezer
1 book1 followerZach Leezer is an award-winning author and the founder of Unbroken Therapy in Chicago, Illinois where he specializes in treating low self-esteem, anxiety, body image, and more. He earned his Bachelor's Degree in Sociology from Bradley University and his Master of Social Work from the University of Illinois at Chicago.
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Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews
August 1, 2025
This is one of the best books I have read about self esteem. It lives up to its subtitle "Change Your Thinking (Not Yourself) to Build Your Self-Esteem." It is, as it claims, a practical guide that demands engagement from the reader, and often over a period of time. Helpful exercises are presented, complete with worksheets that can be downloaded from the book's website.
What I found most helpful:
The book starts with definitions of self-concept, self-esteem, self-worth, and self-compassion, and explains the differences among these terms. This was very important in identifying the root causes of my lifelong low self esteem and mental health issues, which are low self worth and toxic shame, which originated from my childhood in which I was constantly insulted and told I was unworthy, and worth had to be earned and proven with significant accomplishments.
The first two chapters of the book were most important for me. I had previously heard in passing of the theory of all human beings having inherent worth, but it had been too radical an idea for me to believe. This is the only book that even partially convinced me. It also makes convincing arguments on why we are worth investing in, which was critical for me, because I had always been held back by the belief that I wasn't worthy of improving my self esteem, and that I first had to achieve more before I could justify trying to improve my mental health in general. I also found the appendix on techniques to be assertive to be especially helpful.
The book also helped allay a fear I had long held of becoming arrogant if I worked on my self esteem.
The rest of the book covers managing our inner critic, handling mistakes, and acknowledging and managing our emotions.
Suggestions for improvement:
It would be nice to have more coverage on dealing with other people's disapproval or insults of us, and not letting them ruin our self esteem or self worth. There are a few brief mentions of this topic, but I think it warrants a separate chapter. Many of us have low self esteem and low self worth because we have been emotionally attacked or bullied by others for a long time, which makes it especially difficult not to be triggered by insults or even perceived criticism from others.
I would also appreciate more arguments supporting the concept of innate worth. For some of us, the idea that each of us has inherent worth feels so radical and earth-shattering that we need as many arguments as possible to convince us of it. The book's discussion in chapters 1 and 2 did remind me of political philosophies that start with the premise of inalienable basic human rights, which helped in trying to convince myself of the idea of innate worth. Pointing out other such concepts in other fields that are consistent with this concept could make it easier to digest.
Disclaimer: I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
Overall, I highly recommend this book for anyone with self esteem issues. You are worth it!
What I found most helpful:
The book starts with definitions of self-concept, self-esteem, self-worth, and self-compassion, and explains the differences among these terms. This was very important in identifying the root causes of my lifelong low self esteem and mental health issues, which are low self worth and toxic shame, which originated from my childhood in which I was constantly insulted and told I was unworthy, and worth had to be earned and proven with significant accomplishments.
The first two chapters of the book were most important for me. I had previously heard in passing of the theory of all human beings having inherent worth, but it had been too radical an idea for me to believe. This is the only book that even partially convinced me. It also makes convincing arguments on why we are worth investing in, which was critical for me, because I had always been held back by the belief that I wasn't worthy of improving my self esteem, and that I first had to achieve more before I could justify trying to improve my mental health in general. I also found the appendix on techniques to be assertive to be especially helpful.
The book also helped allay a fear I had long held of becoming arrogant if I worked on my self esteem.
The rest of the book covers managing our inner critic, handling mistakes, and acknowledging and managing our emotions.
Suggestions for improvement:
It would be nice to have more coverage on dealing with other people's disapproval or insults of us, and not letting them ruin our self esteem or self worth. There are a few brief mentions of this topic, but I think it warrants a separate chapter. Many of us have low self esteem and low self worth because we have been emotionally attacked or bullied by others for a long time, which makes it especially difficult not to be triggered by insults or even perceived criticism from others.
I would also appreciate more arguments supporting the concept of innate worth. For some of us, the idea that each of us has inherent worth feels so radical and earth-shattering that we need as many arguments as possible to convince us of it. The book's discussion in chapters 1 and 2 did remind me of political philosophies that start with the premise of inalienable basic human rights, which helped in trying to convince myself of the idea of innate worth. Pointing out other such concepts in other fields that are consistent with this concept could make it easier to digest.
Disclaimer: I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
Overall, I highly recommend this book for anyone with self esteem issues. You are worth it!
June 3, 2025
One of the things I appreciated most about this book is its slow and reflective pace. in my opinion it’s not something to rush through. I found myself pausing often—not because the content was hard to understand, but because it was meaningful and quite frankly took me a couple of days with each pause. The ideas brought up throughout each chapter I found needed deep reflection, and I often needed time to let them settle before moving on, and even revisiting. I took notes on the side margins to ask myself and my own therapist to perhaps help me even more so in future appointments.
The questions and exercises throughout the book were also valuable. I didn’t feel the need to write down every answer, and I appreciated that flexibility. Even just thinking through the prompts was helpful—they guided me toward new ways without feeling like homework or "have to do this."
I feel like this is a kind of book you revisit. I do plan on to re-read it so I can just "absorb" more but to keep working on some of things that still make me uncomfortable. I found that it was best to read the book in small portions, allowing time for the ideas being talked about and explained to make sense.
Overall, Rethink Yourself is an honest and grounding book for anyone struggling with self-criticism or perfectionism. It doesn’t try to hype you up or "fix" you—it helps you understand yourself better and treat yourself more fairly. (Which I still need a lot more work on) To me personally, that makes this book worth keeping on my shelf (with a pen and highlighter).
I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
The questions and exercises throughout the book were also valuable. I didn’t feel the need to write down every answer, and I appreciated that flexibility. Even just thinking through the prompts was helpful—they guided me toward new ways without feeling like homework or "have to do this."
I feel like this is a kind of book you revisit. I do plan on to re-read it so I can just "absorb" more but to keep working on some of things that still make me uncomfortable. I found that it was best to read the book in small portions, allowing time for the ideas being talked about and explained to make sense.
Overall, Rethink Yourself is an honest and grounding book for anyone struggling with self-criticism or perfectionism. It doesn’t try to hype you up or "fix" you—it helps you understand yourself better and treat yourself more fairly. (Which I still need a lot more work on) To me personally, that makes this book worth keeping on my shelf (with a pen and highlighter).
I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
October 22, 2025
After eight months of doing the exercises from this book, I can confidently say I mostly fixed my warped mirror of self concept!
Rethink yourself had helped me with my self esteem, starting with self worth. Our innate and unconditional human value that I had trouble acknowledging. Especially when it is determined by our humanity, not our accomplishments. Zach listed intrisinc human needs other than our physiological needs that reminds me what I need, checks whether or not I am meeting those needs, and eventually learn to acknowledge those acts. The needs that were unfortunately neglected growing up as nobody was there to guide me for almost three decades of my life.
It was sad to struggle so much in the beginning. I had to fight my usual urge to rush the book and absorb as much information as I can. I wanted to heal properly and that means understanding and doing the exercises at my pace.
As of now, I can see my own human values. That I deserve happiness, respect and make my own choices. That may seem simple to say, but lots of tears and resistance were shed and shredded to even get here. Only early this month, I realised I had one of the self compassion methods naturally integrated when I had to counter my low self esteem. It empowered me to see my progress when I re-read the whole book again to do a review. In fact, it feels bizarre to even put this into writing. The exercises truly helped to flatten the fun-house mirror warped reflection of myself, so I could see my reflection as what it is.
I am very grateful that I found this book and gave it a shot, and I look forward to keep working on myself with it. Thank you Zach!
Rethink yourself had helped me with my self esteem, starting with self worth. Our innate and unconditional human value that I had trouble acknowledging. Especially when it is determined by our humanity, not our accomplishments. Zach listed intrisinc human needs other than our physiological needs that reminds me what I need, checks whether or not I am meeting those needs, and eventually learn to acknowledge those acts. The needs that were unfortunately neglected growing up as nobody was there to guide me for almost three decades of my life.
It was sad to struggle so much in the beginning. I had to fight my usual urge to rush the book and absorb as much information as I can. I wanted to heal properly and that means understanding and doing the exercises at my pace.
As of now, I can see my own human values. That I deserve happiness, respect and make my own choices. That may seem simple to say, but lots of tears and resistance were shed and shredded to even get here. Only early this month, I realised I had one of the self compassion methods naturally integrated when I had to counter my low self esteem. It empowered me to see my progress when I re-read the whole book again to do a review. In fact, it feels bizarre to even put this into writing. The exercises truly helped to flatten the fun-house mirror warped reflection of myself, so I could see my reflection as what it is.
I am very grateful that I found this book and gave it a shot, and I look forward to keep working on myself with it. Thank you Zach!
June 2, 2025
This is not just another self help book. As a person who has been struggling with self-esteem for 30+ years, I can't recommend this book enough if you're having the same issue.
This book, written by a professional therapist, will guide you through the journey of finding the self esteem that we couldn't find ourselves. It breaks down fundamental concepts with detailed explanations with practical examples so that anyone (teenager to seniors) can easily understand. While other books say things like 'you are worthy', 'you are enough' (and I could not relate to it), this book will let you know exactly HOW to do the work. I leant that I was judging myself with too harsh standards and practiced how to let them go. I also learnt how to deal with my inner critics when they criticize me for my mistakes (I can go into details but I recommend you find out yourself from the book.) When you follow the exercises in the book, you'll get so much more. This book helped me enormously on how I see myself, and it surely changed my thinking of self. I think I'll revisit the chapters from time to time. Thank you author.
I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
This book, written by a professional therapist, will guide you through the journey of finding the self esteem that we couldn't find ourselves. It breaks down fundamental concepts with detailed explanations with practical examples so that anyone (teenager to seniors) can easily understand. While other books say things like 'you are worthy', 'you are enough' (and I could not relate to it), this book will let you know exactly HOW to do the work. I leant that I was judging myself with too harsh standards and practiced how to let them go. I also learnt how to deal with my inner critics when they criticize me for my mistakes (I can go into details but I recommend you find out yourself from the book.) When you follow the exercises in the book, you'll get so much more. This book helped me enormously on how I see myself, and it surely changed my thinking of self. I think I'll revisit the chapters from time to time. Thank you author.
I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
July 10, 2025
Zach Leezer's book provides for a systematic programme to challenge concepts we hold about ourselves and the way we think about ourselves when we face issues with self-esteem.
The book is more of a workbook that includes an exercise to reprogramme thinking at the end of each chapter. This approach may be helpful for readers who just started to wonder how to improve their self-esteem and deliver real insights for them.
Having read related work about perfectionism, depression, foundations of CBT, etc., I found just a few new insights. From my angle, the book stays at a rather superficial level. While the author explains the rationale for rethinking yourself well, even though making for a somewhat dry read with some felt redundancies, little consideration is given to how to apply this in real life and to real people and their challenges to consistently work on changing their programming.
Hence, I'd recommend the book to readers who just start begin to reflect on issues of self-esteem and how it could possibly be improved. And: really take it as a workbook and do your own work on the exercises.
Note: I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
The book is more of a workbook that includes an exercise to reprogramme thinking at the end of each chapter. This approach may be helpful for readers who just started to wonder how to improve their self-esteem and deliver real insights for them.
Having read related work about perfectionism, depression, foundations of CBT, etc., I found just a few new insights. From my angle, the book stays at a rather superficial level. While the author explains the rationale for rethinking yourself well, even though making for a somewhat dry read with some felt redundancies, little consideration is given to how to apply this in real life and to real people and their challenges to consistently work on changing their programming.
Hence, I'd recommend the book to readers who just start begin to reflect on issues of self-esteem and how it could possibly be improved. And: really take it as a workbook and do your own work on the exercises.
Note: I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
July 31, 2025
I love this book so much I would give it 6 stars if I could. After 20 years of being a therapist, I still have never found a perfect resource for clients who want to work on self-esteem. I agree with Kristen Neff that self-compassion is a big part of self-esteem, but her work is more focused on the compassion part. Coming from an ACT perspective, I’ve gone the route of identifying values, with the idea that if you live your values, you’ll naturally have better self-esteem. But I’ve never had a one stop resource that covers everything for a client that wants to work on their self-esteem. This book is it! It is excellently researched, so well written, and easy to read and apply. Honestly, probably everyone in the world should read this book, but especially if you’d like to work on self-esteem, this book will do it for you. And if you are a therapist or a helping professional, go get this book RIGHT NOW because it is solid gold.
April 18, 2025
Rethink Yourself is a total game-changer! I loved how the author broke down the root cause of low self-esteem—not as a personal flaw, but as a result of unfair self-talk. I read it on Kindle, but now I’m itching to get a paper copy so I can highlight and reference all the good stuff.
Sure, some parts got a bit deep and heavy, but that just made the insights feel even more real. One of my favorite activities was highlighting positive traits and then writing down specific examples—it really helped me see myself in a new, kinder light.
I feel like this book is going to help my inner self talk get on track to become way more supportive and loving. If you’re ready to stop the harsh self-criticism and start giving yourself the credit you deserve, this book is your new best friend!
I received an ARC of this book and this is my honest review.
Sure, some parts got a bit deep and heavy, but that just made the insights feel even more real. One of my favorite activities was highlighting positive traits and then writing down specific examples—it really helped me see myself in a new, kinder light.
I feel like this book is going to help my inner self talk get on track to become way more supportive and loving. If you’re ready to stop the harsh self-criticism and start giving yourself the credit you deserve, this book is your new best friend!
I received an ARC of this book and this is my honest review.
February 8, 2025
A Life-Changing Perspective on Self-Esteem
Rethink Yourself is a refreshing and insightful guide to building self-esteem by shifting the way we think rather than trying to change who we are what I love most about this book is how it challenges common self-esteem myths and provides actionable exercises to reframe negative thoughts. The workbook format makes it interactive and engaging, making self-growth feel like a journey rather than a struggle.
Also I noticed a spelling error on page 10 the word "likable" should be likeable not sire if thats an American way of spelling it or just a little error 🙂
Rethink Yourself is a refreshing and insightful guide to building self-esteem by shifting the way we think rather than trying to change who we are what I love most about this book is how it challenges common self-esteem myths and provides actionable exercises to reframe negative thoughts. The workbook format makes it interactive and engaging, making self-growth feel like a journey rather than a struggle.
Also I noticed a spelling error on page 10 the word "likable" should be likeable not sire if thats an American way of spelling it or just a little error 🙂
January 22, 2025
This book focuses on the “why” and “how” of self-esteem. It doesn’t just superfluously tell you why you’re great but aims to help you change and truly accept yourself. It’s also broken down into digestible activities/principles that you can apply to everyday situations instead of vague calls to action. Great self-help book for someone who also wants to understand the “why” of all things self esteem and things you may have already noticed but couldn’t pinpoint!
October 14, 2025
4/5 Stars 🌟🌟🌟🌟
This was a great read & very informative on how to think about yourself differently to literally change your life. It’s all about perspective and it all beings in your mind. I read the ebook version of this and really enjoyed the pictures for visuals on how to rethink yourself. Overall great read and I’d highly recommend to anyone interested in self development, emotional intelligence, and growth.
~xo,
Rach
This was a great read & very informative on how to think about yourself differently to literally change your life. It’s all about perspective and it all beings in your mind. I read the ebook version of this and really enjoyed the pictures for visuals on how to rethink yourself. Overall great read and I’d highly recommend to anyone interested in self development, emotional intelligence, and growth.
~xo,
Rach
January 23, 2025
Rethink Yourself offers practical advice on boosting self-esteem by changing how we think, with a strong focus on mindfulness. While the concepts are solid, some parts feel repetitive, and deeper insights are lacking. More examples or case studies could have enhanced its impact.
Overall, an insightful and motivating read, but it could use more depth to earn a perfect rating. 4 stars.
Overall, an insightful and motivating read, but it could use more depth to earn a perfect rating. 4 stars.
February 22, 2025
I found this book quite accessible. I liked the usage of the ‘fun-house mirror’ metaphor. The activities are good ones and the worksheets to download are really handy!
(I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.)
(I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.)
January 31, 2026
read this in therapy and went back through and noticed how much better i view myself now than when i began. i was kinda shocked with how outside sources affect your inner critic, and how you shouldn’t completely shut it out, instead validate it and give compassion to yourself.
April 12, 2026
Logic rides to the rescue! Actually well thought out and explained.
January 10, 2026
I am grateful to have received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily. This book is full of practical and in depth information and exercises to actually change your thinking. It is somewhat dense, and does use clinical language, however, the language is defined and explained in a manner that should be accessible to most. It does require time; not only time to read the book, but time to stop, consider and truly explore the material, as well as time to complete the exercises. I strongly encourage readers to consider reading this book over weeks if not months, and to look at it as a structured program instead of just a light read for entertainment. If you are ready to do the work and build your self esteem, this book is an incredible resource.
Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews