What do you think?
Rate this book
Real Love: Answers to Your Questions on Dating, Marriage and the Real Meaning of Sex
Mary Beth Bonacci speaks to nearly 100,000 people every year. She speaks to Catholics across the country and around the world - about friendship, about relationships, about marriage, about God's plan for sexuality, and about finding real, honest love.
And people speak back to her. They ask her questions - about sex, about dating, about healing after a shattered relationship, about marriage, about their struggles to live love. Their questions are real, specific and often very poignant. Now, for the first time, Mary Beth has published those questions - and her answers - in a comprehensive, readable guide which addresses the details of the very real struggle that people face in trying to live real love in a world gone mad.
Through these questions and her answers, Mary Beth offers a comprehensive catechesis of the Church's teaching in the areas of marriage and human sexuality. She tackles the toughest issues - premarital sex, contraception, divorce, homosexuality, pornography and others. She gives practical advice on living the Church's teachings. She offers compassionate support for those who have stumbled. And throughout it all, she demonstrates that a living respect for God's gift of sexuality is the way - the only way - to find real, honest love.
And people speak back to her. They ask her questions - about sex, about dating, about healing after a shattered relationship, about marriage, about their struggles to live love. Their questions are real, specific and often very poignant. Now, for the first time, Mary Beth has published those questions - and her answers - in a comprehensive, readable guide which addresses the details of the very real struggle that people face in trying to live real love in a world gone mad.
Through these questions and her answers, Mary Beth offers a comprehensive catechesis of the Church's teaching in the areas of marriage and human sexuality. She tackles the toughest issues - premarital sex, contraception, divorce, homosexuality, pornography and others. She gives practical advice on living the Church's teachings. She offers compassionate support for those who have stumbled. And throughout it all, she demonstrates that a living respect for God's gift of sexuality is the way - the only way - to find real, honest love.
317 pages, Paperback
First published September 1, 1996
4 people are currently reading
92 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews
December 24, 2020
This is a shit book, don’t read
January 13, 2014
With Valentine's Day just a month away, I thought I should give my review of an excellent - but VERY challenging - book: Mary Beth Bonacci's "Real Love: Answers to Your Questions on Dating, Marriage and the Real Meaning of Sex".
This book, like much in Christianity, will challenge you almost to the point you think it is an impossible standard. But like Christianity, it is that exact challenge (and giving practical tips and guides along the way) that, even if you do not live up to it 100%, makes you that much better now (and better equipped later) to deal with temptations of all types.
It teaches the reasons why the Catholic Church puts so much stress on the virtue of chastity, explaining why the 6th Commandment is beyond merely adultery (i.e., not just "cheating on your spouse"), but dwelling on and acting on temptations to have sex with someone you are not married to, even before marriage, even with a fiancee. It also explains about modesty and giving offense (and committing sin) by deliberately tempting others to sexual sin by clothing (or lack thereof). It also explains the Church's teachings about artificial contraception and natural family planning (and why "the rhythm method" is NOT natural family planning). Finally, it explains the connection between the culture's over-emphasis on sex and the societal consequences, as predicted by Humanae Vitae (e.g., higher crime and divorce rates, lower happiness and sense of self-esteem, degradation of women, lack of respect for life, and the breakdown of the nuclear family).
It also gives practical (though admittedly difficult) guidelines about "drawing the line somewhere... and standing 10 ft behind it", not just "you can go up to, but not over, this line". One of the biggest criticisms of teaching about sexual morality is the notion that one cannot possibly be expected to control themselves in "the heat of the moment". Among other things, this book gives the advice: "don't get yourself into 'the heat of the moment' in the first place!"
While these kinds of "don't get in hot water in the first place" bits of advice are typical for a book of this type, this book offers more than just Church talking points (which, ironically, parishes don't seem to talk about much anymore...). The book covers STDs, abortion, and other negative topics well, but the place it shines is in giving hope about "finding Mr./Miss Right". Too often, books and teachers of morality (especially sexual morality) focus on "don't do this/don't do that". But the section about finding real love (Section 6) does a great job of dispelling romantic, Hollywood depictions of "love at first sight" or "soul mates" and turns the focus instead toward God's plan for your life (and your life with others). This includes all the things a good Father would want for their child, including keeping them safe from harm (physical or emotional) and teaching them to take a long-term view of things versus satisfying immediate urges (often mislabeled as "needs").
While it is a book about avoiding sexual sin and finding true happiness while dating, the lessons learned in youth with regard to fighting sexual temptation will pay off later in other aspects of life and other forms of temptation. For example, the 20/20 hindsight about sexual exploration and the Church's teachings about it - whether you fell to temptation or avoided it - will give credence to other teachings of the Church as well. Learning about giving glory to God through the body he gave you also helps later in life when you learn to give glory to God through other aspects of your life: work, family, politics, even leisure activities.
Highly recommended for teens and college students who already are aware of what the Church teaches - and wonders how on earth they're supposed to live up to that ideal. This is also recommended to divorcees and widows/widowers who may be re-entering the "dating marketplace", because the 6th Commandment doesn't just apply to teenagers and 20-somethings.
(BTW, I read this while I was single and actively dating - it was challenging then, but it kept me from falling several times and kept me on the straight and narrow until I married the woman God had set aside for me... who also happened to be saving herself for marriage! It is possible!)
This book, like much in Christianity, will challenge you almost to the point you think it is an impossible standard. But like Christianity, it is that exact challenge (and giving practical tips and guides along the way) that, even if you do not live up to it 100%, makes you that much better now (and better equipped later) to deal with temptations of all types.
It teaches the reasons why the Catholic Church puts so much stress on the virtue of chastity, explaining why the 6th Commandment is beyond merely adultery (i.e., not just "cheating on your spouse"), but dwelling on and acting on temptations to have sex with someone you are not married to, even before marriage, even with a fiancee. It also explains about modesty and giving offense (and committing sin) by deliberately tempting others to sexual sin by clothing (or lack thereof). It also explains the Church's teachings about artificial contraception and natural family planning (and why "the rhythm method" is NOT natural family planning). Finally, it explains the connection between the culture's over-emphasis on sex and the societal consequences, as predicted by Humanae Vitae (e.g., higher crime and divorce rates, lower happiness and sense of self-esteem, degradation of women, lack of respect for life, and the breakdown of the nuclear family).
It also gives practical (though admittedly difficult) guidelines about "drawing the line somewhere... and standing 10 ft behind it", not just "you can go up to, but not over, this line". One of the biggest criticisms of teaching about sexual morality is the notion that one cannot possibly be expected to control themselves in "the heat of the moment". Among other things, this book gives the advice: "don't get yourself into 'the heat of the moment' in the first place!"
While these kinds of "don't get in hot water in the first place" bits of advice are typical for a book of this type, this book offers more than just Church talking points (which, ironically, parishes don't seem to talk about much anymore...). The book covers STDs, abortion, and other negative topics well, but the place it shines is in giving hope about "finding Mr./Miss Right". Too often, books and teachers of morality (especially sexual morality) focus on "don't do this/don't do that". But the section about finding real love (Section 6) does a great job of dispelling romantic, Hollywood depictions of "love at first sight" or "soul mates" and turns the focus instead toward God's plan for your life (and your life with others). This includes all the things a good Father would want for their child, including keeping them safe from harm (physical or emotional) and teaching them to take a long-term view of things versus satisfying immediate urges (often mislabeled as "needs").
While it is a book about avoiding sexual sin and finding true happiness while dating, the lessons learned in youth with regard to fighting sexual temptation will pay off later in other aspects of life and other forms of temptation. For example, the 20/20 hindsight about sexual exploration and the Church's teachings about it - whether you fell to temptation or avoided it - will give credence to other teachings of the Church as well. Learning about giving glory to God through the body he gave you also helps later in life when you learn to give glory to God through other aspects of your life: work, family, politics, even leisure activities.
Highly recommended for teens and college students who already are aware of what the Church teaches - and wonders how on earth they're supposed to live up to that ideal. This is also recommended to divorcees and widows/widowers who may be re-entering the "dating marketplace", because the 6th Commandment doesn't just apply to teenagers and 20-somethings.
(BTW, I read this while I was single and actively dating - it was challenging then, but it kept me from falling several times and kept me on the straight and narrow until I married the woman God had set aside for me... who also happened to be saving herself for marriage! It is possible!)
November 21, 2009
Yay for funny Catholics!! This was one of my favorite parts:
"People use the word 'love' a lot of different ways. Take me, for instance. I am often heard saying that I love my mom and dad. I am also often heard saying that I love pizza.
"What am I saying when I say I love my mom and dad? I'm saying that I care about them. I'm saying that I love spending time with them and that I talk to them every chance I get. I'm saying that if they needed me, I would do every humanly possible to help them. I'm saying that I always want what's best for them.
"What am I saying when I say I love pizza? Am I saying that I care deeply about pizza? Am I saying that I have a relationship with pizza? Am I saying that if pizza had a problem, I would be there for the pizza? (What? Not enough pepperoni? I'll be right there!)
"Of course not. When I say I love pizza, I'm just saying that I enjoy eating pizza until I don't want any more pizza. Once I'm tired of the pizza, I don't care what happens to the rest of it. I'll throw it away. I'll feed it to the dog. I'll stick it in the back of the refrigerator until it gets all green and moldy. It doesn't matter to me anymore.
"These are two very different definition of the word 'love'.
"It gets confusing when people start talking about love, and especially about loving you. Which way do these people love you? Do they want what is best for you, or do they just want you around because it is good for them, and they don't really care what happens to you?
"Next time someone looks deeply into your eyes and says 'I love you', look very deeply right back and say, 'Would that be pizza love, or the real thing?'"
"People use the word 'love' a lot of different ways. Take me, for instance. I am often heard saying that I love my mom and dad. I am also often heard saying that I love pizza.
"What am I saying when I say I love my mom and dad? I'm saying that I care about them. I'm saying that I love spending time with them and that I talk to them every chance I get. I'm saying that if they needed me, I would do every humanly possible to help them. I'm saying that I always want what's best for them.
"What am I saying when I say I love pizza? Am I saying that I care deeply about pizza? Am I saying that I have a relationship with pizza? Am I saying that if pizza had a problem, I would be there for the pizza? (What? Not enough pepperoni? I'll be right there!)
"Of course not. When I say I love pizza, I'm just saying that I enjoy eating pizza until I don't want any more pizza. Once I'm tired of the pizza, I don't care what happens to the rest of it. I'll throw it away. I'll feed it to the dog. I'll stick it in the back of the refrigerator until it gets all green and moldy. It doesn't matter to me anymore.
"These are two very different definition of the word 'love'.
"It gets confusing when people start talking about love, and especially about loving you. Which way do these people love you? Do they want what is best for you, or do they just want you around because it is good for them, and they don't really care what happens to you?
"Next time someone looks deeply into your eyes and says 'I love you', look very deeply right back and say, 'Would that be pizza love, or the real thing?'"
February 15, 2018
Some of the things written in this book hit me square in the chest. I read this about a year ago, at the age of 27, and she said so many things I wish had been said when I was a kid.
The voice of her writing is real and straight-forward. She is delicate where needed, and hard-hitting when necessary. I appreciated this entire book, and would highly recommend for parents who aren't sure exactly what to say when talking to their kids about sex and marriage and love and dating, and for older teens who need answers they aren't getting at home.
The voice of her writing is real and straight-forward. She is delicate where needed, and hard-hitting when necessary. I appreciated this entire book, and would highly recommend for parents who aren't sure exactly what to say when talking to their kids about sex and marriage and love and dating, and for older teens who need answers they aren't getting at home.
February 15, 2024
Great book, I would highly recommend for anybody who is struggling with sexual impurity and who is unsure what true love is about.
November 30, 2009
My mom has been trying to get me to read this book for years, but I just never cracked it open. After my last breakup I thought "Maybe I should read this." So I did. In some ways it made me feel better about my situation, in some ways it made me feel worse. It's aimed toward Catholic Teens so there are some issues in it that didn't apply to me or I didn't agree with. The author is also unmarried, or at least at the time she wrote it she was. No offense to the author, but it's hard to take the dating advice of someone who hasn't experienced the title of the book "Real Love."
July 14, 2008
A well-written book, very engaging, and with excellent, up-to-date information. It certainly answered a few of my questions! My only criticism would be is, it is redundant to the point of being annoying on pushing the Catholic view-point of sex. Probably the author intended it to be a reference, rather than a read-straight-through book. However, overall, it is a book I would recommend; although it would be hard to get most teenages (Catholic or otherwise) to read it.
backburner
November 25, 2008Started this 3 October 2006, then set it aside. Time to take it up again...
Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews