Lost in Space: A Father's Journey There and Back Again

by Ben Tanzer

Lost in Space is a sometimes funny, sometimes sad, but always lively essay collection about fathers and sons, and their relationship to not only one another, but pop culture, death, and sex-because sex sells, even if you're otherwise focused on parenting and the generation spanning cultural impact of Star Wars.The essays in Lost in Space are focused on an array of child-rearing topics including sleep, discipline, first haircuts, deceased parents/grandparents and illness, and the inherent challenges and humor that coincide with, and are intrinsically tied-into, these stages of life. The essays also recognize the ongoing presence of the author's dead father in his life even as he seeks to parent without his father's guidance or advice.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction

200 pages, Kindle Edition

First published March 18, 2014

About the author

Emmy-award winner Ben Tanzer's acclaimed work includes the short story collection UPSTATE, the science fiction novel Orphans and the essay collections Lost in Space and Be Cool. His recent novel The Missing was released in March 2024 by 7.13 Books and was a Chicago Writers Association Book of the Year finalist in the category of Traditional Fiction and his new book After Hours: Scorsese, Grief and the Grammar of Cinema, which Kirkus Reviews calls "A heartfelt if overstuffed tribute to the author’s father and the ameliorative power of art," was released by Ig Publishing in May 2025. Ben is also the host of the long running podcast This Podcast Will Change Your Life and lives in Chicago with his family.

Reviews

[Ben]

It changed my life.

[Angela Jackson-Brown · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ben Tanzer has provided a bold, unapologetic look at fatherhood in this phenomenal collection of essays. He addresses life and death and everything in between with a surgeon's precision. I found myself laughing, crying, and ultimately sad when this collection finally concluded. If you are looking for a new outlook on what fatherhood means, this book is for you. Tanzer allows the reader an intimate look into his life, and as a result, the reader feels like (s)he has been taken on a journey through the land of honest and raw emotions. I am already looking forward to the next work of art by this dynamic writer.

[David · Rating 5 out of 5]

Given that I'm a person who has never really wanted to have children, you might wonder what got to me about a book of essays relating to Tanzer's fatherhood. I thought about this, because I wondered myself. It's not as simple as the fact that I'm at least the child of a father and wonder what it might have been like on the other side of things, but that's part of it. Even beyond that, it's not like I haven't had to consider the possibility of it happening to me. Motherhood or fatherhood, potential or otherwise, what was it like for my parents, whatever. Bottom line: this is a huge part of humanity and as a member of that, I want to see inside. Tanzer delivers marvelously as well. There is sentiment, but not excessive sentimentality. He makes clear that he is only doing the best he can, but he doesn't overplay that. My overwhelming sense is being next to a close friend on a barstool, not a 'bro' with whom conversation only goes so far but instead someone who really needs to talk...to tell you things. It's intimate, insightful, and vulnerable. Whether you have kids or not, I can't imagine someone reading this book and not being affected.

[Sheldon Compton · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ben Tanzer is a hell of a father. That’s the first thing I knew I’d want to say when offering my review and appreciation of Tanzer’s collection of essays Lost in Space, published this year by Curbside Splendor. It merits being said one more time – Ben Tanzer is a hell of a father, and in these essays he offers moments of triumph and moments of frailty and love and worry, tenderness and outright confusion. In other words, he nails it.

Which brings me to the fact that Tanzer can write, and write about fatherhood better than anyone doing it right now. In the first essay of this collection “I Need” we get an instant look at the one overriding state of mind for all parents after a certain point – need. The need for sleep, the need for time to yourself, the need, the need, the need. It’s a perfect start to what becomes a collection of essays at turns hilarious and insightful as well as full of strength but also honest frailty.

Take this exchange between father and son from “Bed Sex”:



“Okay,” I start, “Do you understand how people get pregnant?” “Yeah,” he says. “the boy puts in penis in the girl’s mouth.” Yeah, maybe on a really good day I think, or like an anniversary or something.



I carried Ben’s book around the house hunting for my wife after reading this passage. At one point, I stopped and thought, My new goal is write so that I make someone hunt other people down to show them something I’ve written. We should all write this way, I think.

Then sometimes, there are moments that wed both humor and sheer love, such as this one from “I Believe in You (Sketches on the Younger Child)”:



“For a long time, he had only one tooth come in, and it was enormous and weird, and awesome to behold when he laughed.”



This blend of both humor and affection can be found throughout Lost in Space and readers are lucky for it. In the essay “Sound Like Sleep” Tanzer relates to us the trouble his son has with sleeping, a problem he also suffers. During that essay, he writes of staying on the phone with his son during a sleepover. This shared experience and how, as a father, Tanzer gives his son his full patience is one of many moments when I just closed the book and stared at pictures of my children.

This books makes you want to be a better parent, even if you’ve been an amazing parent up until now. Now that’s what I call transcending simple storytelling.

Two essays I cannot recommend highly enough from this collection are “The Penis Story” and “You Throw Your Life in My Face”. Both will show you Tanzer’s amazing reach as an essayist. As my grandfather used to say, the first would make a dog laugh. The second will leave you feeling the most interesting place in the world is the city of Chicago.

Tanzer has flexed muscles some writers may never discover they even have with Lost in Space. There’s honesty to this collection only matched in my reading by some of the best pieces from Jamie Iredell and humor yet unmatched. I can’t imagine anyone is writing essays any better today.

[S. · Rating 5 out of 5]

"'Does [your son] know the difference between boys and girls?' she asked. We don't know, we've never asked him. Why haven't we asked? We're not sure. We're not good parents."

Having recently become a parent--is fifteen months still recent? Fifteen months!? Jesus--having somewhat recently become a father, this book was exactly what I needed. It unnerved me, comforted me, made me laugh. And I was sad, but only because it came to an end.

[Kristin Fouquet · Rating 5 out of 5]

I began reading Lost in Space: A Father’s Journey There and Back Again by Ben Tanzer on June 3rd, 2014. The date is significant to me because it was the 22nd anniversary of my father’s death. This wasn’t consciously premeditated; I just sort of picked it up that day and realized the coincidence.

Tanzer attempts to navigate through the role of parent via memories of his deceased father and experiences with his own sons. He employs creative devices in these essays as well. In “The Penis Stories,” he loosely veils the identity of his two boys by giving them aliases while understanding full well the reader clearly knows who is who. In “Anatomy of the Story,” he cleverly begins with the end and ends with the beginning.

With honesty, poignancy, and humor, Tanzer conveys the vulnerability conscientious parents share in the raising of children. “No Avoiding That” demonstrates how time-outs work as much for the parents to cool down, or more so, as for the children who are sentenced to them.

For this reader, the only challenge with this collection was its reliance on many pop cultural references which eluded me. One such example is the essay, “The Don Draper Interlude: A Mad Men Guide to Raising Children.” Of course, this is not Tanzer’s fault; it is my own for being so hopelessly unhip.

As I delved further into Lost in Space, I found myself reflecting on my own father. I contemplated the important decisions he was forced to make, many of them without the luxury of time, reflection, or guidance. At the age of thirteen, he attempted to wake his own father up from an after-work nap only to find him dead. I wondered how lost he must have felt as a father after having such a short relationship with his own.

I am grateful Tanzer allowed this peek into his life as a son and as a father with all its fears, hopes, denials, and joys. I believe this book is one he will always be proud of and also a beautiful gift to his sons. Oh, and speaking of gifts, Father’s Day is next Sunday. Why not order a copy for all the great dads in your life?

[Dave Newman · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a brilliant little book about what it means to be a father, have a father, lose a father, and be person on a planet that does not always inspire us to be our best selves. The world wants us to hide in the corner, away from the bullets and tumors and little destructions. This book says no to that. It's a book about loving children so much you could choke them. It's a book about neighborhoods, and how your favorite bar is being replaced by a CVS pharmacy. This is a book of everyday living, in the way that a William Carlos Williams poem was about everyday living. Tanzer rushes around Chicago--and the whole fucking world--with the same pop-culture fascination that Frank O'Hara rushed around New York. But this is an adult book, one filled with responsibility, which also means loss of self and self loathing, which also means self love and a deep love of others. Tanzer writes about earaches in toddlers and colicky babies in a way that makes the world tilt a little then right itself in a better way. There's no sleep in this book, just like in the real world. All the worries of parenthood collide here, which is somehow reassuring. This is Kurt Vonnegut, pushing a stroller, still interested in cleavage. Being a father is to be in a perpetual state of failure. Tanzer allows us to understand that the success of parenthood, of personhood, comes from that failure, from being present and engaged enough to fail, so that eventually it all comes back as love.

[Robert Vaughan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am grateful that Tanzer is a buddy of mine, that we've read more than once together, (yo). Still, this non-fiction collection of essays surprises me, in all the best ways possible. Not a parent myself (no immediate plans to be one), I was reluctant to read it, knowing the title, Lost in Space and its cover tag: "A Father's Journey There and Back Again." Hmm. But here is what drew me in: Tanzer does not shy away from content- the constant anxiety of how to explain oneself to offspring, his effortless and self-depracating humor, how/ when to communicate about a homeless woman at The Jewel grocery, or the alcoholic that lives in the same building, or anything about sex, sports, or books and movies. An endless list. The deeper topics of family, or marriage with raising kids in a backdrop of 9/11 or Newtown, or any other tragedy makes this salient, smart and touching without being saccharine. It's also a nice measure for comparing how one's own father behaves (or behaved). I was surprised at how often I reflected on my relationship with my own departed father (Tanzer also lost his Dad just before his older son was born, and this is mentioned briefly in the book). Tanzer is a father who chooses to be more than just present- imagine that? What might the world be like if all fathers are? Well done, Ben! I look forward to reading more of your stand-out work!

[Paige · Rating 5 out of 5]

While I’m not a parent but has spent a lot of time with children, there was a kind of magic in the way that Ben Tanzer describes his life with his two sons. I was enthralled with the first essay, “I Need”, and stayed that way for the rest of the experience that was Lost in Space. Told in a series of essays and interludes, Tanzer touches on everything from baby’s first haircut to the having to tell your children the reality of school shootings. No matter the topic, Tanzer brings in a great perspective, a wonderful sense of humor, and a deep feeling of love towards his family.

Tanzer has a great way with language and it was all very easy to emphasize with him. Still he manages to toe the line between making it all relatable without it sounding easy, and to be sympathetic without being pitiful. It’s just a really great read. He easily manages to slide in more geeky references in such a way that it didn’t disrupt the flow of reading too terribly. The humor is beyond fantastic such as when he talks about the specific things he needs and one of them is interns in low-cut blouses. While some might consider that rude, I will admit I laughed.

Honestly, I recommend this to anyone who deals with kids on a daily basis and enjoys a good read.

[Michelle Junot · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved Lost in Space ! Ben Tanzer’s new collection of essays on fatherhood is bold, hilarious, and poignant, but most importantly, it’s authentic. The memoir is composed of twenty essays and four short interludes, recreating Tanzer’s first decade as a parent. Throughout the collection, the author explores his fears and occasional irrational thoughts, illustrating the daily struggles of his two boys, Myles and Noah. Life’s hurdles include ill-fitting socks and mid-season breaks in Glee, as well as the bigger life questions that accompany potentially dangerous dimples on the spines of brand new baby boys.

You can read my full, review here: http://monologging.org/lost-in-space/


Besides two-too-many mentions of interns in low-cut blouses, I think this book is an A+, home run.

[Art Edwards · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ben Tanzer is exactly what I like in a male writer. He's not going to inundate you with his get-trashed glory days, or try to convince you how smart he is, or tell you about his past conquests. Life's too short, and that's too easy. The author wastes no time getting at things that actually matter: communicating his rabbit hole of conflicted feelings for his kids, connecting with his town, with himself, and he's not afraid to be scared on the page. Life, normal life, is scary, and funny, as is fatherhood, as is marriage. If it's not, you're doing it wrong. Tanzer goes straight for the meat, the lean stuff that's hard to reach, and when he gets there, we're the ones who feast.

[Sara · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ben Tanzer writes with such humor and heart that I'd follow his voice anywhere. Give this writer a column, and then syndicate that column; that's how well he connects. These essays do not sugarcoat but explore the whole messy bag of parenthood, drawing from his own childhood and relationship to his father for added insight. The pieces here are honest and humble, conflicted and complex, always loving. On top of all that, his spot-on prose clips along with incredible rhythm that makes this book impossible to put down. I know a lot of fathers, mothers - screw that, a helluva lot of people - who would benefit greatly from this book.

[Joseph Michael Owens · Rating 5 out of 5]

Review forthcoming in [PANK]. Spoiler alert: I really liked it!

[J.A. · Rating 4 out of 5]

Tanzer has an ease with this one that is infectious, even when the subjects are like emotional cannon fire. And for fathers, damn, he nails so much of it.

[Josh Brown · Rating 5 out of 5]

This should be required reading for any modern-day father of young boys. Absolutely brilliant. Thanks, Ben.

[Steph Post · Rating 5 out of 5]

Star Wars, parenting, movies, television and pop culture galore. This clever collection will make any short story reader sit up and take notice.

[Brad · Rating 4 out of 5]

The portrait of fathers whether in conversations or in media is one of bumbling ineptitude, when it’s even addressed at all.

Ben Tanzer’s book, Lost in Space: A Father's Journey There and Back Again , is a welcome look into the complexities of fatherhood, the emotional roller coaster men have to navigate, and the struggles that come with (twice)bringing a new life into the world.

The topics range from exhaustion (“I Need) to sharing things with your kids (“I Am Your Father”) and death (“The Lion King, “The Unexamined Life”). It’s in these last stories that Tanzer’s work shines.

The most devastating piece is “Anatomy of a Story,” which rips open what it means to be a man and realize how helpless you are when your child is sick. Bred to protect, life quickly teaches each of us that our powers extend only so far. As one of Tanzer’s children is wheeled into the hospital for surgery, Ben retreats into his writing, the one place where he can exert control over what happens. More to the point, the story illustrated just how badly we handle those emotional experiences when our wires get overloaded and we grasp at anything to make meaning.

On a far lighter note, the “The Penis Stories” was the best portrayal of one of the worst horrors a man can face: being accused of pedophilia. The second half of the essay finds Ben trying to convince his child not to tell people that he “kisses his dad’s penis.” As he tells his son that if he must say these things he shouldn't say them in school or in public, I had to muffle my laughs so as not to wake my wife who was asleep next to me as I read. (Why does his child feels the need to say this? Mostly because his father asks him not to. Plus, the child seems to find it mildly amusing. They do say the darndest things.)

Once I hit my thirties, I stopped reading or just hanging out in parks and open spaces because you can only have so many mothers cautiously steer their children aware from wherever you’re before you realize it’s just a matter of time before something bad happens.

Tanzer is at his best when he’s ruminating on the small, poignant moments of fear that permeant parenthood or riffing the silly situations in which he and his children invariably find themselves. Less interesting are the three “Interludes,” which felt more like private reflections and interrupted the structure that created a nice ebb and flow of emotions.

But if you’ve wondered what it means to be a man and a father in the modern world, Lost in Space is a wonderful place to start.

[Peter · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm starting to think that if fiction writers really want to leave some sort of legacy, to let future readers know their true selves, they should publish at least one work of nonfiction. With fiction, even though a writer weaves a little bit of themselves into most of their characters, the writer still sort of hides behind the characters. In other words, the reader never quite knows how much of a character echoes the writer's personality and experience, and how much is totally invented.

Since I'm incredibly fortunate to know Ben Tanzer as well as I do, when reading his fiction I can usually spot the various aspects of the narrative that reflect his real life. But for those not as fortunate, it's harder to tell what's real and what's invented. Which is why, if you want to know the real Ben Tanzer without actually meeting him, you should absolutely read his latest book, the excellent essay collection Lost in Space: A Father's Journey There and Back Again.

In this book, Ben bares his soul over the alternately wonderful and terrifying experience of parenting. Through a succession of lively, entertaining and often very funny anecdotes and commentary, he describes the exhilaration, satisfaction, frustration, anxiety and confusion of being a parent: giving your kids guidance and protection while not stifling their individuality; exposing them to the real world while sheltering them from its scarier elements; holding onto them tightly and cherishing them while being able to let them go and live their own lives. And while he revels in seeing his oldest son do his first running event (Ben is an avid, borderline-obsessive runner), or savoring something as simple as the way his kids smell, he also doesn't shy away from describing the anger that a frazzled parent inevitably confronts. Parenthood is far from a perfect experience, and Ben openly and unflinchingly shares both the good and the bad. Anyone who has raised children will find much here to empathize with and enjoy.

This is Ben's best book so far, partly because it's such a thoroughly entertaining read, but mostly because it is such a true expression of his life. Extremely well done. Highest recommendation.

[Matt · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this collection of essays about fatherhood even though I've got no kids of my own. Tanzer isn't reinventing the wheel here, but his experiences and reactions feel genuine and earned. This isn't confrontational stuff, like some of Sam Irby's stuff, and it's not lyrical or formally inventive stuff-- rather, it feels like it's rooted in the same spirit as Tanzer's blog-- straightforward, personal, exploratory without being too out there or trying to hard. It's a comfortable collection, and I think that's to Tanzer's credit: the experience of being a parent can be, well, worrying to folks, and Tanzer writes about his experiences with warmth and heart and makes you think that it'll probably be all right.

One of my former students has been writing a lot about her new baby since she brought him home a month ago; at the end of reading this, I really want to send her my copy.

[Brian Gresko · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ben Tanzer continues to come hard, sentence by amazing sentence, building a bookshelf of work that's imaginative, thought-provoking, and pulsing with vitality. In Lost In Space, he turns his eye to the subject of having kids, and being a son, and losing a dad, and loving his wife, and trying to be the best person he can possibly be at all of these things. And of course he can't because no one can, and so he runs off to Europe or loses his patience or finds himself full of doubt and insecurity. His honesty is moving and he tells his stories with amazing rhythm, it's like he's right there next to you, opening up his chest to show you his heart. Anyone who is a parent, or about to be a parent, or has a parent will enjoy this book.

[Leesa · Rating 5 out of 5]

[full review to come over @ Heavy Feather Review!]

Felt like a lot of really great conversations over coffees or whiskies or beers. Parenting, marriage, being a human. I have two children near the same ages as Tanzer's kiddos but even if I didn't, there's a lot to connect with here. Anxieties and just the realness of being a parent...and how that fills in the spaces and places in and around where the person you truly are...begins and ends. What parenting is and isn't. How crazy and normal it makes us all. I loved this little collection of essays a lot. Most excellent and a quick, easy read for anyone doing this whole life thing. (And there were sentences that legit made me LOL which I always love abt anything.)

[Hosho · Rating 5 out of 5]

Tanzer delves deep into the well of the constant and conflicting emotions of fatherhood in this conversational collection of essays. As ever, pop culture is not only featured in most pieces, it often becomes the lens through which the entire experience is filtered. Also at work in many pieces is the author's own experiences not as father but as son -- spanning generations and contrasting his own upbringing against how he & his wife are raising their two boys. Never oppressive, but always honest, Tanzer has given us another engaging, heart-felt, and thought-provoking read, one any parent new or old could certainly recognize and find comfort in. And the publisher, Curbside Splendor, has done well by the book too -- delivering a clean, smart, and well-made paperback.

[Julie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lost in Space was a fun and easy read. It consists of a collection of short musings on various topics and experiences from one father's perspective. Ben Tanzer has a captivating and relatable writing style that conveys the emotions of each story while maintaining a humorous tone. As an expectant mother and as someone who has lost a parent (another theme of the book), I appreciated the honest vignettes shared. I would recommend this book to parents who would enjoy a quick read of both shared and unique parenting experiences.

*I received this book for free through a Goodreads FirstReads giveaway.

[Brian Alan Ellis · Rating 4 out of 5]

Despite the fact that I don’t have kids of my own and that I grew up an only child without a dad, I somehow found Lost in Space, Ben Tanzer’s essay collection about (predominately) parenting, both relatable and humorously engaging, which is a true testament to the man’s talent. I admire Tanzer’s honesty, his fearlessness. I admire Tanzer’s weaving of pop culture minutae into the mind-blowing complexities of vasectomies, sex, marriage, death, and travel; into his own hopes and insecurities. This a parenting book written for fathers raised on Star Wars and Homer Simpson, but implemented with Tanzer’s unique charm, warmth, and brilliance.

[Joseph Peterson · Rating 5 out of 5]

With Lost in Space, Ben Tanzer continues his eloquent, humorous, poetic and deeply thoughtful project wherein he tries to come to terms with what it means to be a father, a son, a husband, and a man in our present world. I don't know anyone else who explores this hydra-headed subject more thoroughly than Tanzer(with the possible exception of Karl Ove Knausgaard). With admirable brevity and stylishness, Tanzer's book speaks volumes to those read their books on the run. He is our punk-rock, surfer-dude dad and we should be glad for that. Highly recommended.

[Melissa Reddish · Rating 4 out of 5]

These essays on fatherhood range from humorous to irreverent to introspective, often within the same piece. The prose style is simple and engaging, so much so that it may be easy to overlook. I constantly found myself picking this book back up to read just a little bit more whenever I set it down for the night. There were some GPM errors (which was surprising), but overall, I would definitely recommend this book of essays.

[Jason Fisk · Rating 5 out of 5]

As I read the essay collection, Lost in Space, I was very impressed with Tanzer’s ability to make some of the more trying parts of fatherhood both humorous and delightfully entertaining. He has a wonderful knack for writing about everyday life with vulnerability and wit, thus creating an exquisite, moving collection of essays about fatherhood.

[Debbie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Finally a book on parenting that is real and honest! Extremes of love, rage, pride, frustration, and joy are intermingled and oh so real. As a Mom, I loved to hear a Dad's side while also feeling so validated in my own experiences. But Lost in Space is bigger than being a Dad. Facing new worlds while slaying real, imagined and/or inherited dragons of our past is universal.

[Tim · Rating 5 out of 5]

Tanzer brings it once again. An amazing collection of instantly relatable stories of modern fatherhood as it is practiced - not neccessarily how we want it to be. Check this out if you are a dad, know a dad, or had a dad.

[Mikaela · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is phenomenal. It's funny and brutally honest. It shows the fun side of parenting, but doesn't shy away from the fears and unwanted thoughts that come along with it. The writing is superb, as is everything else Ben Tanzer writes. I'd recommend this to anybody, parents or not.