Living Beyond Offense: Doing the Hard Work of Forgiveness God's Way

by Yana Jenay Conner

“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." Ephesians 4:31-32In a broken world with fallen people, we have all experienced the pain of offense. Though we have been forgiven through Christ, extending that same mercy to those who have wronged us can still feel difficult. How do we move through the pains of abandonment, betrayal, and abuse to obey Jesus’ command to forgive?Living Beyond Offense explores Jesus’ teachings about forgiveness—what it is, how to do it, and what you gain when you put it into practice. Bringing together theology, Scripture, and pieces of her own life story, Yana Conner helps you
 honestly acknowledge and grieve the pain and loss that often comes with offensereplace faulty cultural ideas about forgiveness with a biblical perspective centered on Jesus’ teachingsresolve conflicts by applying best practices for communicating your hurt to othersthoughtfully engage in the work of forgiveness and, when possible, pursue reconciliation 
Forgiveness is hard work, but with God’s help, it’s possible and worth it. Despite the pain you have experienced, you can live beyond offense and learn to trust again. 

Genres: Christianity, Religion, Faith, Christian Living, Christian Non Fiction, Christian, Nonfiction

240 pages, Paperback

Published November 4, 2025

Reviews

[Izabela Schaffer · Rating 5 out of 5]

wow wow wow. a look into biblical forgiveness where abuse isn't ignored and everyday conflict can be seen as a way to glorify the Lord. 10/10 recommend.

I thought I knew what forgiveness was from a biblical standpoint but there is so much more to it. "where two or more are gathered in my name I am with them" comes right after verses on conflict resolution. I always imagined it was around settings like on a Sunday morning during worship, but it was describing calling out sin (conflict resolution) and moving towards forgiveness with your brothers and sisters in Christ.

good book.

[Kacie · Rating 1 out of 5]

This reads more like a heavy promotion of social justice with some forgiveness mixed in. If you’re looking for a book centered on living behind offense, this misses the mark.

[Zorina Shepard · Rating 4 out of 5]

You can't go through life without encountering the need to forgive, but when you are deeply hurt by someone, it makes you start wondering what forgiveness even looks like— especially while you are in the midst of blinding pain. How do you forgive and move through the pain of abandonment, betrayal or even abuse and obey Jesus' command to forgive?

I really appreciated Yana's book on forgiveness. It is full of vulnerability and humility. She not only tells the reader how to live beyond offense, but she shares some of her own heart, story and struggles. She encourages and helps the reader to grieve the pain and loss that comes with offense.

I appreciated her reflections on Psalm 37 as she walks you through several chapters with it as a central focus. Yana addresses abuse and living beyond both abuse and anger with such compassion.

She ends with talking about trust and how important it is to be in community to help heal. Whether you have been hurt by a friend or experienced church hurt or even abuse or abandonment, this book touches on all kinds of offenses. It helps clear the mud on forgiveness and what that looks like when the pain hurts so bad.

While I don't agree with everything that the author presented in the book, I appreciated her humility as a fellow pilgrim learning how to forgive and live beyond offense. I found this book to be helpful and encouraging!

My favorite quote

"Beloved, I know you're angry. You have a right to be. What someone did was wrong, sinful, and unjust. God is angry alongside you. Embrace this invitation to trade your restless fretting for delighting in the character and presence of God. Let the truths that He is holy, soverign, and just, fortify your confidence in His ability to execute justice on your behalf. Let the reality of His never-ending love for you and commitment to justice extinguish and put your anger to rest."

*I received a complimentary copy for my honest review.

[Maven_Reads · Rating 4 out of 5]

Living Beyond Offense: Doing the Hard Work of Forgiveness God’s Way by Yana Jenay Conner

Living Beyond Offense is a thoughtful Christian guide that explores what forgiveness really means, why it matters, and how to practice it in a world where we’re often hurt by people we love, trust, or depend on. Drawing on Jesus’ teachings, Scripture, and her own experiences of abandonment and relational betrayal, Yana Jenay Conner helps readers honestly acknowledge pain, grieve loss, and rethink cultural assumptions about forgiveness that can leave us stuck in bitterness. She clearly distinguishes forgiveness from forgetting and shows how forgiveness can be pursued without sacrificing healthy boundaries or accountability. Conner also offers practical steps for communicating hurt, pursuing reconciliation where wise, and building trust again with God’s help.

As I read this book, I felt encouraged by how Conner balances biblical depth with warm personal reflection, making the hard work of forgiveness feel both serious and hopeful: I could sense her heart for restoration without glossing over how difficult this path often is. Her insights helped me wrestle more deeply with how Christ calls believers to extend grace even when it feels costly, and reminded me that healing often comes in many small, daily choices toward mercy.

Rating: 4 out of 5, for its compassionate, Scripture‑centered approach to a core Christian discipline that can transform pain into peace.

[Elizabeth Hynes · Rating 5 out of 5]

I heard Yana Conner on a podcast with Preston and Jackie Hill Perry talking about forgiveness and this book and I immediately started reading it. I read it slowly and tried to chew on all of these new concepts regarding forgiveness. I can't explain the freedom I felt when I realized I can release others of their debt of wrongdoing toward me knowing that forgiveness does not always equal restoration and God promises justice. It was a read that changed the lens of which I see my relationships with others.

[Victoria Roberts · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautifully written from beginning to end! I recommend this book to every Christian no matter where you are in your faith journey. READ THIS BOOK. You won’t be disappointed! 💜

[Saludina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Living Beyond Offense is one of the most biblically grounded, compassionate, and practical books I have read on forgiveness, betrayal, grief, and learning to trust God again.

This book does not minimize pain or rush readers to “just forgive and move on.” Instead, it gently and honestly walks through what it means to be deeply wounded, disappointed, and betrayed—especially when the hurt comes from people you trusted. It acknowledges that some offenses change the course of your story, and it gives space to grieve what was lost.

At the same time, it continually points back to Christ and Scripture, showing that forgiveness is not excusing sin or pretending the hurt did not happen. It is choosing to release the debt to God, trust Him with justice, and allow Him to heal what others broke.

I have been walking through a season of deep hurt and grief, and this book put words to emotions I could not fully explain. More importantly, it showed me how to deal with that pain in a truly biblical way—without stuffing it down, retaliating, or becoming bitter.

The sections on unmet expectations, betrayal, justice, boundaries, trust, and the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation were especially powerful. I underlined almost every chapter.

If you are struggling with betrayal, disappointment, church hurt, broken relationships, or grief over something you cannot change, I cannot recommend this book enough. It is full of truth, wisdom, mercy, and hope.

I would 1000% recommend this book to anyone trying to live beyond offense and find peace again in Christ.

[Sonnie · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Living Beyond Offense" by Yana Jenay Conner is one of the most honest and soul-searching books on forgiveness I've read. Conner doesn't shy away from the depth and difficulty of what true forgiveness requires, she leans right into it.

What struck me most is how she reframes forgiveness entirely. It's not about excusing the other person or pretending the hurt didn't happen. It's about finding Shalom in God and restoring our right relationship with Him when someone has wronged us. That shift in perspective is both convicting and freeing.

Conner also does something few books on this topic dare to do, she holds forgiveness and accountability together, unpacking what we've long been taught forgiveness looks like versus what Jesus actually modeled and taught. The difference is eye-opening.

If forgiveness has ever felt impossible, performative, or confusing in your faith walk, this book meets you right there. Highly recommend.

[Mariam Cannady · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing. I was so encouraged by this book. She broke down so well what biblical forgiveness looks like, without ignoring the real abuse that happens that we can’t forget. Setting healthy boundaries and honest with the fact that, we may not reconcile every relationship. Understanding that forgiveness does not equal reconciliation was a game changer. I love that she still made it understood that it was important to know, we are called to forgive! We should try to reconcile when possible. This book was just 🔥🔥🔥

[Amanda · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an excellent book for anyone who is human and has had to forgive and/or be forgiven. Conner gives great practical and biblical teaching on how to go about reconciling with those who have hurt us. She speaks with humility and experience about what it was like to forgive her father and a friend. This is someone I can relate to but also calls out wrong behavior. This would be a great discipleship tool for anyone wanting to learn basics of biblical forgiveness.

[Lindsey Beck · Rating 4 out of 5]

Made the mistake of getting this book from the library and ran out of renewals. Had to return it about 50% in. It's a read that you have to read slowly, for sure. What I did read was so rich and convicting that I think down the road I will probably purchase this book and re-read when I have more time to sit with it and the ability to write in it.

[Taja Hereford · Rating 5 out of 5]

Cried, felt seen (maybe a little too much), received healing and a greater understanding of forgiveness. This book is practical and goes beyond the basics of forgiveness. We are to be shalom makers! Thank you, Yana, for your commitment to boldly share and write this book.

[Kathleen Krynski · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well-written and accessible, and rooted in both biblical teaching and clinical evidence. Definitely the book on forgiveness that I'll be recommending to people from now on.

[Mel C · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really fantastic theological resource to have as a foundation for/under therapy practices.

[Brynn · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can already tell this is a book I will return to year after year. So rich.

[Joyce · Rating 5 out of 5]

Everyone who struggles with forgiveness and what forgiveness really means or looks like should read this book. I will be rereading it often.

[Jeslyn Ochoa Bishop · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really liked this book and it helped me a lot! Gave me a lot to think and to pray about !

[Hannah Spragins · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was beautifully written, anchored in Scripture and filled with practical steps. It’s one I’ll be thinking on for a while and recommending often to others.

[Brenda Quinones · Rating 4 out of 5]

Challenged me in the best way!

[Megan · Rating 5 out of 5]

a must read for every believer!

In case it’s sitting in your Amazon cart, Just get the book, trust me you won’t regret it!

Sincerely,
From a formerly offended person.