Jump to ratings and reviews
Rate this book

Someone Not Really Her Mother

Rate this book
The captivating story of a contemporary American family, in which three generations of women confront the intricacies of memory, geography, and motherhood, from the lauded author of Lydia Cassatt Reading the Morning Paper

As Hannah Pearl's memories of her 1940 escape to England from war-torn France come to the foreground of her consciousness, her memory of her more recent American life, including her relationships with her daughter and granddaughters, is almost erased. Her daughter, Miranda, attempts to bring her mother into the present and the daily activities of family life, yet finds herself instead pulled into Hannah's unresolved past. Miranda's daughters confront the shadows of history in their own ways. Fiona, content with her life as a new mother, tries to ignore the ghostly presence of Hannah's family, who perished in the war, while Ida clings to Hannah's revelations as if they form a lifeline. Facing the mystery of Hannah's unspoken memories of grief, each woman must ask how well anyone can know the inner life of another person, even of someone one cherishes.

176 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2004

4 people are currently reading
108 people want to read

About the author

Harriet Scott Chessman

8 books54 followers
Harriet Scott Chessman's acclaimed novels include The Beauty of Ordinary Things, Lydia Cassatt Reading the Morning Paper, Someone Not Really Her Mother, The Lost Sketchbook of Edgar Degas and Ohio Angels. Her fiction has been translated into eight languages, and featured in The New York Times, The San Francisco Chronicle, NPR’s All Things Considered, and Good Morning America.

She has also created the librettos for two operas, "My Lai" and "Sycorax."

Ratings & Reviews

What do you think?
Rate this book

Friends & Following

Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!

Community Reviews

5 stars
48 (18%)
4 stars
72 (27%)
3 stars
100 (38%)
2 stars
32 (12%)
1 star
10 (3%)
Displaying 1 - 30 of 52 reviews
Profile Image for Sarah.
548 reviews34 followers
July 16, 2011
This is the book Virginia Woolf would write if Woolf were alive today.
It's a novel in delicate watercolor. Yet, beyond the sunlit imagery, there are shadows.

It's a story of mothers and daughters through years of love and loss, duty and hardship, overwhelming grief and as much joy. Chessman's rendering of an old woman's dementia is...incredible, thoroughly authentic. All the voices, though distinct, blend beautifully into one cohesive whole.

I'd almost call this book the feminine equivalent to Paul Harding's Tinkers, an equally poignant book about fathers and sons. It would be interesting to read the two books side by side. In fact...Yes! I'd like to give Chessman's book and Harding's book to Virginia Woolf. I'd have loved to hear her thoughts...
Profile Image for Lorraine Montgomery.
315 reviews12 followers
August 27, 2015

The young woman says Hannah like hand, with an h bold and blowing, just like that, and an a flat, like a marsh.  Hannah is used to this, but privately she thinks of her name as having an H only when you write it.  When you say Hannah, the word should open up at first, with no h at all, just a lovely “Ah!” and then another one.  “Ahnah!” with more fullness to the second “ah”.  How to tell the young woman this?


Hannah Pearl feels words slipping away from her, people to be other than who they really are, and, in her confusion, she often reverts now to her childhood French language.  People talk faster than she can process and move on without waiting for her to answer.  She watches their faces to determine what they want.  If they are friendly, perhaps they only require a smile from her; this she can do easily.  If they seem angry or unfriendly, impatient, she wonders if she can trust them.  She knows from her childhood that not only the people in uniforms can be dangerous, but sometimes ordinary people, neighbours, cannot be trusted.  They whisper and inform.

Hannah was born in Rouen, France, and her parents sent her to friends in England in 1940 with the promise that they would follow.  But they were French Jews and a neighbour wrote to her that they were all taken away.  Her little sister Emma had pneumonia and couldn’t come.  They were all lost.  All died in camps — her maman, papa, her grand-méres, her cousins — all gone. And then her lover/soon-to-be husband Russell Pearl, killed just after the war and only weeks before their wedding, leaving Hannah alone to have her little baby girl, Mir, to come to America, and to begin again.

Now, three generations of women, are trying to understand their history, to hang on to their love and knowledge of each other.  Hannah’s granddaughter Ida, the “fiery” one, wants to know, to understand, but perhaps it’s already too late.  Her sister and mother have always discouraged her from asking her grandmother questions about the past, the war, her grandfather, and now the answers are slipping away with Hannah’s confusion.  As a child, Ida used to look at the poems and photographs in her grandmother’s bottom dresser drawer.  Her sister, Fiona, Ida would be surprised to learn, always pretended disinterest but watched closely and listened to all the discussions.  She doesn’t understand the poetry but yearns to understand, to be openly curious, to be more like her sister.

This is a tender story, written with great insight and palpable love, peeling back the layers of loss and vulnerability, questioning whether the religious hatred is gone or just barely suppressed below the surface.  It is an attempt to learn to deal with ghostly loss in the midst of life.


[Mir] had not known before how slowly someone could disappear, just a little bit at a time, and then a day comes and you discover that it isn't even as simple as this, that it’s you who’s vanished from this beloved person’s sight, as if the earth opened and swallowed you up. You haven’t gone anywhere; you’re still right here; it’s just that you’re invisible.

A family trying to stay together in the present when the past pulls poignantly and insistently, trying to find a knowing. A compelling story past and present beautifully woven together that can’t be put down until the final page is turned.
Profile Image for Jennifer N.
1,266 reviews11 followers
January 1, 2021
This was different. We get the perspectives of 3 generations of women. Hannah is suffering from dementia and struggles to remember her daughter Miranda and granddaughter Fiona. She keeps remembering her time during WWII. The glimpses into the past are intersting but we don't find out everything that happens. It is difficult reading the present day parts because they are so broken up with the dementia.
209 reviews
October 27, 2025
Three and a half stars, rounded up. This is an extremely light read, especially considering the heavy themes it tries to take on: dementia, multi-generational trauma, relationships, love, infidelity, bigotry, class, loss, Nazis, war... That it fails to delve deeply into any of this is no surprise to anyone who can feel and see how slim the volume it is, and how mass-marketed. I'm trying to judge it for what it's trying to be (simple, accessible) rather than the more literary work it might have been. I read it because it was one of about eight books lying around in a backwoods cabin; another option was a star guide for children, published in 1951.

All that being said, I was drawn into the story. Telling half the narrative from the perspective of a character with moderate to severe dementia was a bold choice. It could have been done terribly, but was not. Both of my parents died with advanced dementia, making this tough to read, but also familiar and relatable. Shifting from English to French phrases was fun for me, since I speak some French, and felt true, given that my multi-lingual grandfather did the same thing, near the end of his life. It was deft enough not to lose readers with no French.

The daughter, two granddaughters, and ancillary characters were lightly drawn. Miranda is obviously sad to be losing her mom to dementia, but feels emotionally flat. Ida has a core romantic conflict; it is set up realistically enough, but then allowed to resolve far too easily. Fiona perhaps has a conflict about motherhood and being a working mom, but again it all seems too simple. And the plot arc as a whole is mostly revealed ahead of time. There's a sense that perhaps something more will be revealed... and it isn't. As a whole, the novel is an enjoyable and occasionally thought-provoking read, with occasionally beautiful and poetic moments, but it is so careful and so watered down that it doesn't pack much punch.

Recommended if you happen to be relaxing in the log cabin at Tolovana Hot Springs in northern Alaska -- but the star guide was surprisingly entertaining, too...
Profile Image for Al.
1,658 reviews57 followers
January 25, 2017
This slender book, a novella really, inhabits the failing mind of an elderly woman, Hannah Pearl, in Connecticut, and those of the daughter and granddaughters who try and -- against the odds -- sometimes succeed in communicating with her. Through the medium of Hannah's memories and her present confusion, the book develops the story of her early years, when she left WW II France as a Jewish refugee child for safety in England, albeit without her cherished family, and the briefly happy life she eventually found there. She has carefully guarded these and other memories, and the sadness of the book is that now her memories are becoming enveloped in her dementia and beyond sharing with her daughter and granddaughters. This is a poignant story, gracefully told.
Profile Image for Ann.
263 reviews
May 5, 2021
Not as spell-binding as Lydia Cassat. it's an interesting try - telling the story of an aging Holocaust survivor from the perspectives of her 2 grand-daughters, her daughters, and herself. Hannah's own memories are fuzzied by dementia. The approach becomes annoying because stories begin and don't end--what happens to Zoe, the wheel-chair-bound would-be babysitter for Fiona's son? What about Miranda, who appears briefly and then becomes a dim figure in the background? And Hannah's perspective becomes tedious (as I'm sure it is to her family and even herself) as we're exposed to her searches for words. So - I read it, it's done, and I'll give it to the book sale.
537 reviews1 follower
July 6, 2017
Hannah Pearl lives in a confused world of dementia or Alzheimer's disease. Her mother put her on a train as a young girl to escape the war in France in 1940. As an adult with two grown daughters, she lives in the past. Her daughters try to bring her into the present without much success. They don't know what she suffered in her past.
For me, the story (fiction) was difficult to follow & didn't keep my interest, although I read the entire book.
You may enjoy the book, however. It was recommended reading & award winning.
Profile Image for Ezekiel Benzion.
Author 9 books3 followers
August 18, 2023
The loss of a loved one to dementia is explored from multiple viewpoints: the patient, the daughter, the granddaughters who try to hold onto their beloved grandmother and mother as she slips away. In general and compassionate unveiling, we learn about Hannah's life and its joys and tragedies as she tries hard to remember those she loved who in their own ways slipped out of her grasp. Difficult to read yet compelling to experience.
94 reviews
May 14, 2019
There is an interesting concept here about exploring the mind and memories of a holocaust survivor with dementia. Unfortunately, character development lacked and the short book wasted a lot of precious words on plot lines and information that didn't add to the story or characters.
995 reviews
April 7, 2019
I thought this was sad and haunting but full of love.
Profile Image for Angie Fehl.
1,178 reviews11 followers
June 28, 2019
The plot revolves around three generations of women in a Connecticut family: Hannah Pearl, her daughter Miranda, and Miranda's grown daughters, Fiona and Ida. Hannah's mind is slowly being robbed by dementia. Living in an assisted living facility, most days Hannah's reality often has her slipping back to the year 1940, when she was a young wife and mother trying to escape France during World War II. The growing frequency of these moments becomes painfully aware to the family when Hannah is brought to Fiona's Sip & See for her new baby and the sight of the newborn mentally transports Hannah back to the day she gave birth to Miranda. Hannah mistakes Fiona's child for baby Miranda and tries to keep anyone else from taking the child away from her.

Meanwhile, Miranda becomes emotionally strained with the experience of being forced to watch her mother slowly fade away. The further Hannah slips, the more she reverts to speaking in French, which frustrated Miranda, who only learned minimal Latin and Spanish in school.

Fiona often chooses to ignore her grandmother's worsening condition, while Ida desperately wants to know the full story behind the memories. She decides to research Hannah's history, hoping whatever she uncovers will inspire her writing pursuits. After finishing college, Ida takes a journalism job in Paris, France. Fiona, having traded her graphic design career for motherhood, is a little jealous of her sister's life abroad.

Chessman uses a similar "domestic snapshots" approach to what she did with the vignettes crafted in Lydia Cassat Reading The Morning Paper. The writing here is still nice, but lacks that moving blend of warmth and melancholy (at least the level of it, it's here to some degree) of Lydia Cassat. There are some pretty heartbreaking scenes though, such as Hannah going out on her own and getting lost at the pharmacy, or the flashbacks to the war years, the loss of her sister Emma, being helped by a pharmacy clerk named Emily and confusing her for Emma.

I didn't find the characters of Miranda or Fiona terribly interesting. Though I understand the need for their presence in the plot, I would have preferred to have more of the story around Ida and Hannah, the relationship between them.
Profile Image for Ellen.
1,818 reviews43 followers
February 8, 2016
Hannah Pearl is a woman in her mid-70's living in an assisted living home in rural Connecticut but in her mind she is a young woman living in WWII Europe. More than 50 years ago Hannah was that young woman, a 15 year old living in France with her parents and younger sister, Emma. Hannah's family was Jewish and when the war reached her town the family was split apart when Hannah's parents sent her to England to work as an au pair. Emma was too ill to travel so she stayed with her parents and all ended up, eventually, in concentration camps where they perished. In England, Hannah met and fell in love with a handsome RAF pilot who died shortly after they learned of Hannah's pregnancy. After giving birth to a daughter she named Miranda, Hanna boarded a boat for America to live with relatives. Now Miranda is grown with two daughters of her own, Fiona and Ida, a grandson named Seamus and Hannah is becoming lost in her memories and advanced dementia. The details of Hannah's life in Europe are only glimpsed by the reader through Hannah's mind as she relives her tragic past as though it were today.
This was a short book and easily read in a few hours. Hannah is a lovely character who has suffered great tragedy in her life, a life she was never able to discuss with her family although they begged her to tell of her history. Miranda and her daughters are thoughtful and loving to Hannah but Miranda finds herself getting frustrated with her attempts to reach the mother that knew her so well and now, on some does, does not even recognize her. It is a beautifully written story but very sad.
97 reviews5 followers
December 13, 2008
The most interesting things about this novel are:

1. The dementia-ridden narration of Hannah;

2. The Holocaust being based on the French experience.

Unfortunately, the book needs more. More of almost everything: character development, story development, interactions among the characters, etc.

Some of the subplots seem part of the story just because. I'm not sure how much I care about Fiona's search for a nanny, her visit with the nanny in the wheelchair, or her anxieties over care for Seamus. And I really am not impressed with the storyline of Ida's affair with her married and with children adjunct creative writing instructor. Please.

What I care about, however, is how Hannah struggled in England; the relationships she developed with the children she nannied; her relationship with Russell's parents, especially after his gruesome death; how she got to the United States; what Hannah finds out about her family and how it all affected Miranda growing up.

I really did appreciate/enjoy(?) reading Hannah's thoughts. I wonder, though, if that kind of intermittence, free-association, and verbal blockage is representative of the states of mind of sufferers of dementia. I am not convinced that Hannah suffers from Alzheimer's, although I understand why most people think she does. Until I see a brain scan, I won't make the assumption. :P
Profile Image for K..
82 reviews7 followers
August 6, 2014
Weak in so many areas, namely underdeveloped characters and story with random granddaughter side plots that have nothing to do with anything.

Can't imagine why this got any press and 4-5 star reviews, except that people are often impressed by their own personal connections to a story theme. I only read this book because it was recommended by some source that claimed it provided a good depiction of France, which it didn't even do at all, except Hannah's relapsing into speaking French and obvious but cryptic war references. So imagine my disappointment all around. I was glad I had some basic French or I wouldn't have even toughed out the 160 page quick read.

If you can relate to the various themes here (aging/dementia, war torn family, france) then you might be able to stick this out. If it weren't so short I would have abandoned it. The only thing this story has going for it is the author's not bad effort at using Hannah's (elderly French woman with dementia) POV, but that's a stretch. Even the abrupt ending was droll. I just couldn't walk away with any takeaway here except a confirmation that assisted suicide should always be an option! If I ever get dementia, let's just get the damn thing over with already! And that's how I felt reading this lame book.
Profile Image for Terra.
Author 12 books27 followers
October 14, 2008
One of my fellow book clubbers recommended and loaned this book to me and what an incredible little book. It is a novel of a woman with Alzheimer's and her family. It kind of drove me crazy how all the details of the main character's life are all jumbled and seem to be hiding just out of reach or just beyond the next corner but it is the story told mostly from her point of view that gives the novel such great depth and uniqueness. And I was SO mad about the ending.... until I'd had a day to think about it. It ended exactly the only way it could and in hindsight I love even how it ends. The characters are beautifully depicted through the shadows of the woman with Alzheimer's and what a heart-wrenching portrayal of a story that is lived in reality by thousands of people every single day. I highly recommend this book. It is a short little book and at times not such an easy read; but what a great glimpse into life with such a horrible disease.
11 reviews10 followers
September 26, 2014
I was pleasantly surprised by "Someone Not Really Her Mother" - this little novel stuck out to me at a used bookstore and I purchased it for under $1.00. Upon reading, I was immediately drawn in by the main character, Hannah's account for her past and intrigued by her foggy sense of the present. Hannah is a mother, grandmother and great-grandmother, yet due to her dementia, lives in her teenage years in the 1940's.

Harriet Chessman gives the reader an intimate glimpse into the mind and world of a dementia sufferer, in an abstract sort of way, leaving medical terms and doctors out of the picture. This novel focuses on Hannah's memories and the struggles she endures trying to grasp onto reality - trying to remember the people she loves. To round out the story, I appreciated the sections that were narrated by Hannah's family members, especially from her granddaughter, Ida's point of view. Anyone who has had a family member with dementia should read this book.
Profile Image for Katia Isabel.
98 reviews
January 17, 2023
I enjoyed this book with the multiple POVs, even though it was not what I thought it would be. Hannah was the most compelling character, followed by Ida. The other two didn't really feel necessary to the story. I wish this were a longer book, just to develop the characters a bit more. Overall, a good quick read.
Profile Image for Margo Brooks.
643 reviews13 followers
October 27, 2012
Audiobook. A portrait of Alzheimer’s. As a family struggles to maintain a connection to their mother and grandmother, she struggles with a past she spent half a life trying to forget. The portrayal of Hannah’s disjointed thoughts as she travels through her fog was quite interesting, as were the reactions of her daughter Mir and her granddaughters Ida and Fiona. Ida and Fiona want to know more about Hannah’s escape from Nazi-invaded France, but they can’t quite connect. Neither can Hannah connect with the present, in which she would be more comfortable than with her journey through the past. This is a fine book, but it is a portrait more than a novel.
Profile Image for Sharon.
4,075 reviews
January 12, 2015
It was a two-fer for the effects of Alzheimer's disease on families today. Here, Hannah has mostly lost touch with the present day, instead returning to the trauma of a fifteen-year-old departing France and leaving her family to be destroyed by the Nazis. In the intervening years, she has spoken very little of this to her daughter and granddaughters, who are unable to follow where her scattered memories lead. The sense of bewilderment in Hannah's chapters is acute. Her family tries to help her, but they are each involved in their own daily dramas. A lot of reflection on family relationships is packed into a short book.
Profile Image for Mahin711 Swagger Down.
15 reviews
September 23, 2012
The main character, Hannah, is an old woman. She has a brain disease that has caused her to have a disorder of memories. She needs a walker to walk and she only speaks French. In some parts of the book she is able to speak a little English. Her husband, Russel is part of an army. She has a daughter named Miranda.

This book is about a bunch of mothers and their grown-up daughters. It's also about relationships and having kids. Hannah is a survivor of the holocaust. She finds a long lost sister that that everyone thought was killed in the holocaust. At the end everyone is safe and happy.
337 reviews
October 31, 2016
Another lovely offering by Harriett Scott Chessman! Even though a short work, I feel connected to the characters as they unfold chapter to chapter/story to story. As the family learns to accept how Hannah is losing her memory for them and the everyday, they are also instrumental in the healing of suppressed memories just by their sweet interactions.

Each of them have special connections with Hannah - Mir through French , Fiona through the baby, Ida through poetry - especially Hannah's poems and the questions they bring up for Ida.
Profile Image for Ingrid.
20 reviews15 followers
July 19, 2008
It's about three generations of women, the oldest of whom was directly effected by the Holocaust, and is now battling Alzheimer's. The family is dealing not only with the present illness of the matriarch, but also the secrets about her life that she had never disclosed. I gave it two stars because the story never really seemed to go anywhere...I kept wanting more from both the story and the characters.
5 reviews3 followers
January 20, 2009
This is an emotional, insightful book. Hannah's daughter and grand daughters are trying to understand her behavior. Hannah is reliving her childhood during World War II that she had previously tried to avoid remembering. French is interwoven in the book as Hannah relives being separated from her family and the time that followed.
Through reading this book I reflected on how much Alzheimer's Disease is a puzzle and loss for family.
Profile Image for Sherrey.
Author 7 books41 followers
August 23, 2009
I enjoy the author's writing style, and this was no disappointment. The story is poignant to say the least. Having a family member losing herself and her family because of Alzheimer's, this hit close to home but not in a painful way. The insight into the three generations and the impact of Hannah's changing mind really captured the essence of how this disease or any like it affects an entire family.
278 reviews2 followers
July 30, 2010
One of the points of view was really interesting (a woman with Alzheimer's) and one of the story lines was really interesting (a woman in love with her married professor), but it hopped around between the female characters too much trying to make a connection that I didn't connect to the characters as much as I would have liked to. Therefore, the supposedly emotional surprise at the end was neither emotional nor interesting.
Profile Image for Lynn.
162 reviews
March 28, 2011
This was an interesting subject that could have resulted in a really great book in the hands of a more gifted writer. Unfortunately, Chessman does just an adequate job. Her characters seem frozen at a distance from us, and even the most developed among them could use more depth and nuance. Her portrait of a woman's slip into dementia is interesting and seems well-done, but her look at the effects on the woman's family could have used more fleshing out.
Profile Image for Carla.
251 reviews
September 9, 2007
A slim, readable but haunting book (a one-sitting work). The story traces three generations of women in the same family but pivots on the matriarch's past and present decline into what is not named but is probably Alzheimer's. Those current-day passages about Hannah are particularly insightful and well written. I also really liked the CT, particularly New Haven, references.
3 reviews1 follower
September 30, 2007
this book was too simple. the plot had a good skeleton, but nothing grew from it. It took 2 hours to read. my favorite part of the book is how the author describes dementia. it is not an easy illness to have, or watch others have and i think the author did a very good job describing the symptoms of this illness.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 52 reviews

Can't find what you're looking for?

Get help and learn more about the design.