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You and We: A Relational Rethinking of Work, Life, and Leadership
A page-turning story that helps readers to rethink work, life, and leadership from a relational rather than individualistic perspective, and shows how to open up never-before-seen opportunities in our companies and communities to heal the rifts threatening societies around the world.
True leadership is rooted in the ability to deeply connect with others. Understanding the dynamics of human relationships is not just a nice-to-have for effective leadership; it is essential in order to thrive, and even survive, in today’s world of work. As machines grow ever smarter, your brain won’t be your differentiator in the workplace of tomorrow, your heart—that is, your ability to authentically relate with others—will be.
In the style of his previous bestselling books, Leadership and Self-Deception and The Anatomy of Peace, Jim Ferrell brings readers another story—this time illustrating how lasting success, more than ever before, will depend on maximizing our uniquely human ability to connect with one another. The characters in the book may be fictional, but their challenges are not, and You and We offers readers a culmination of all Ferrell has learned over his years of researching, training, and mentoring leaders to transform organization ecosystems. Readers will learn
Think relationally rather than individualistically Identify and measure their relational levels with people inside and outside of work Map and score the relational field of their organizations Assess the relational strength of their organizations across the four dimensions of behavior, attitude, structure, and community Break through surface-level interaction and foster deep connection Eliminate silos and overcome division in their communities
For executives seeking to strengthen the relational fabric of their organizations, as well as all those interested in overcoming the countless conflicts our society faces today, You and We is an essential guide to mastering the art of connection that will empower you to unite, lead, and drive meaningful, lasting change.
True leadership is rooted in the ability to deeply connect with others. Understanding the dynamics of human relationships is not just a nice-to-have for effective leadership; it is essential in order to thrive, and even survive, in today’s world of work. As machines grow ever smarter, your brain won’t be your differentiator in the workplace of tomorrow, your heart—that is, your ability to authentically relate with others—will be.
In the style of his previous bestselling books, Leadership and Self-Deception and The Anatomy of Peace, Jim Ferrell brings readers another story—this time illustrating how lasting success, more than ever before, will depend on maximizing our uniquely human ability to connect with one another. The characters in the book may be fictional, but their challenges are not, and You and We offers readers a culmination of all Ferrell has learned over his years of researching, training, and mentoring leaders to transform organization ecosystems. Readers will learn
Think relationally rather than individualistically Identify and measure their relational levels with people inside and outside of work Map and score the relational field of their organizations Assess the relational strength of their organizations across the four dimensions of behavior, attitude, structure, and community Break through surface-level interaction and foster deep connection Eliminate silos and overcome division in their communities
For executives seeking to strengthen the relational fabric of their organizations, as well as all those interested in overcoming the countless conflicts our society faces today, You and We is an essential guide to mastering the art of connection that will empower you to unite, lead, and drive meaningful, lasting change.
- GenresLeadershipNonfiction
240 pages, Hardcover
Published September 16, 2025
17 people are currently reading
81 people want to read
About the author
Jim Ferrell
1 book8 followersMillions of people around the world have read his books, but most of them don't even know his name.
When Jim Ferrell co-founded his previous company, the Arbinger Institute, its work was still largely unknown to the world. The solution was apparent: They needed a book.
In 2000, having never written much beyond legal documents during his first career as a lawyer, Jim and a colleague took on the task out of a mix of curiosity and a commitment to the work of the company. What emerged from that first trial run as an author was one of the bestselling leadership books of all time: Leadership and Self-Deception, which he wrote under the name of his company.
Following the incredible success of that first book, Jim went on to write many additional books under the name of the Arbinger Institute, including The Anatomy of Peace and, in collaboration with colleagues, The Outward Mindset. Other titles he authored were Arbinger's series of Choice books, Choose Well, Angels Among Us, and Anasazi Foundation's The Seven Paths: Changing One's Way of Walking in the World. Jim also authored several spiritual books, including The Peacegiver, The Holy Secret, and Falling to Heaven. Along with Brené Brown, Patrick Lencioni, Simon Sinek, and John Maxwell, he is also a contributing author to Ken Blanchard’s bestselling book, Servant Leadership in Action. In his latest book, You and We: A Relational Rethinking of Work, Life, and Leadership, he manages once again to take the reader on a journey of discovery, transformation, and a new understanding of what it means to be a human being, and a leader, in a world where everything is connected.
In 2021, Jim founded his 2.0 company, Withiii Leadership. He and his colleagues help people, organizations, and communities to implement the ideas and insights about human and organizational connectivity that he explores in You and We—a groundbreaking approach that tackles leadership and organizational issues through the lens of our fundamental relationality rather than through the individualistic approaches that inform most leadership and organizational theories.
Jim Ferrell's entire life's work and writing revolves around bridging divides and bringing people together. He has explored this topic from many different angles, combining fundamental lessons from philosophy, quantum physics, biology, spirituality, and organizational theory to get to the bottom of the meaning and significance of human relation. Over his nearly three decades as a thought leader, he has developed a reputation as one of the world’s great innovators in the areas of leadership, culture change, conflict resolution, communication, and interpersonal connection. He has a unique ability to grasp complex ideas and translate them into elegantly clear models and applications.
Jim has degrees in economics and philosophy and is a graduate of Yale Law School. In his free time, he enjoys cycling, golfing, and traveling with his business partner and best friend, who happens also to be his wife.
When Jim Ferrell co-founded his previous company, the Arbinger Institute, its work was still largely unknown to the world. The solution was apparent: They needed a book.
In 2000, having never written much beyond legal documents during his first career as a lawyer, Jim and a colleague took on the task out of a mix of curiosity and a commitment to the work of the company. What emerged from that first trial run as an author was one of the bestselling leadership books of all time: Leadership and Self-Deception, which he wrote under the name of his company.
Following the incredible success of that first book, Jim went on to write many additional books under the name of the Arbinger Institute, including The Anatomy of Peace and, in collaboration with colleagues, The Outward Mindset. Other titles he authored were Arbinger's series of Choice books, Choose Well, Angels Among Us, and Anasazi Foundation's The Seven Paths: Changing One's Way of Walking in the World. Jim also authored several spiritual books, including The Peacegiver, The Holy Secret, and Falling to Heaven. Along with Brené Brown, Patrick Lencioni, Simon Sinek, and John Maxwell, he is also a contributing author to Ken Blanchard’s bestselling book, Servant Leadership in Action. In his latest book, You and We: A Relational Rethinking of Work, Life, and Leadership, he manages once again to take the reader on a journey of discovery, transformation, and a new understanding of what it means to be a human being, and a leader, in a world where everything is connected.
In 2021, Jim founded his 2.0 company, Withiii Leadership. He and his colleagues help people, organizations, and communities to implement the ideas and insights about human and organizational connectivity that he explores in You and We—a groundbreaking approach that tackles leadership and organizational issues through the lens of our fundamental relationality rather than through the individualistic approaches that inform most leadership and organizational theories.
Jim Ferrell's entire life's work and writing revolves around bridging divides and bringing people together. He has explored this topic from many different angles, combining fundamental lessons from philosophy, quantum physics, biology, spirituality, and organizational theory to get to the bottom of the meaning and significance of human relation. Over his nearly three decades as a thought leader, he has developed a reputation as one of the world’s great innovators in the areas of leadership, culture change, conflict resolution, communication, and interpersonal connection. He has a unique ability to grasp complex ideas and translate them into elegantly clear models and applications.
Jim has degrees in economics and philosophy and is a graduate of Yale Law School. In his free time, he enjoys cycling, golfing, and traveling with his business partner and best friend, who happens also to be his wife.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 37 reviews
June 9, 2025
First of all, I have to admit I'm biased. I have not only been a fan and then colleague of Jim Ferrell's for more than a decade, but now, as his partner, I have also seen his work and this book come to life through all its different stages from inception to finish. That said, I can tell you that, in my honest opinion, it is not only the best of the books he has ever written, but it is also hands down one of the best books I've ever read.
If you know Jim's previous books for the Arbinger Institute, you already know that he has a unique talent to use storytelling to convey foundational philosophical messages and to package up complex realities into simplistic, manageable concepts, making it easy to follow even otherwise inaccessible lessons. You and We follows in this tradition, but this time, the thrill of the story and the character development themselves alone make this a book really hard to put down. As you find yourself sucked into the story, Jim hits you with one truth bomb after the next, and as he gently helps you undo many of the limiting beliefs about human connection, he at the same time equips you with a new perspective on yourself in relation with the world around you that leaves you a changed person.
I have read this book more than 10 times now, and I'm about to pick it up once again. I find myself missing the characters every time I finish the book, and I find new learnings and aha moments every time I pick it back up.
I cannot wait for You and We to be in the hands of other readers and hear their thoughts about it. Biased or not, I'm telling you that you should not be missing out on this one!
If you know Jim's previous books for the Arbinger Institute, you already know that he has a unique talent to use storytelling to convey foundational philosophical messages and to package up complex realities into simplistic, manageable concepts, making it easy to follow even otherwise inaccessible lessons. You and We follows in this tradition, but this time, the thrill of the story and the character development themselves alone make this a book really hard to put down. As you find yourself sucked into the story, Jim hits you with one truth bomb after the next, and as he gently helps you undo many of the limiting beliefs about human connection, he at the same time equips you with a new perspective on yourself in relation with the world around you that leaves you a changed person.
I have read this book more than 10 times now, and I'm about to pick it up once again. I find myself missing the characters every time I finish the book, and I find new learnings and aha moments every time I pick it back up.
I cannot wait for You and We to be in the hands of other readers and hear their thoughts about it. Biased or not, I'm telling you that you should not be missing out on this one!
July 7, 2025
If you’ve ever watched Hot Ones — “the show with hot questions and even hotter wings” — You and We is the literary equivalent. Jim Ferrell serves as both author and guide, quickly whetting the reader’s appetite for human connection while turning up the heat on what it actually means to connect in real-time relation with ourselves, others, and life. He pulls no punches in establishing both the inevitability and possibilities of relationship, and why each matters. And that’s just the appetizer.
In classic Ferrell fashion, Jim weaves together story, philosophy, science, and soul through fictional characters whose experiences prove all too real. Their stories are our own — our fractures, longings, hurts & hopes for renewed humanity in a world that often feels on the run from it.
Bridging professional, workplace, political, and personal divides, You and We is philosophically rich without being pretentious, practical without being prescriptive. It invites, not instructs, drawing you into a personal reckoning. Like Hot Ones’ infamous sauce “Da Bomb,” You and We unapologetically culminates in something far beyond another book on relationships. As one early reviewer observed, it’s not a book, it’s a wake-up call. One that, if you let it, will encourage and equip you to engage in the best of your You and We - and the world needs both.
In classic Ferrell fashion, Jim weaves together story, philosophy, science, and soul through fictional characters whose experiences prove all too real. Their stories are our own — our fractures, longings, hurts & hopes for renewed humanity in a world that often feels on the run from it.
Bridging professional, workplace, political, and personal divides, You and We is philosophically rich without being pretentious, practical without being prescriptive. It invites, not instructs, drawing you into a personal reckoning. Like Hot Ones’ infamous sauce “Da Bomb,” You and We unapologetically culminates in something far beyond another book on relationships. As one early reviewer observed, it’s not a book, it’s a wake-up call. One that, if you let it, will encourage and equip you to engage in the best of your You and We - and the world needs both.
June 19, 2025
As an early reader, reviewer and endorser of this book, I have had a distinct perspective into how it came about and what went into it. You and We is a riveting read that shows what’s possible in work, life, and love when you awaken from the sleep of separation to the reality of relation. You will see a different and more hopeful world unfold all around you.
June 13, 2025
This book made me think and made me want to be a better person. It actually makes you see the world differently. The world would be a better place if everyone read this book
July 30, 2025
I was fortunate to receive an advance copy of this book which I'm sure will become a bestseller like some of his previous works released by Arbinger (notably "Leadership and Self-Deception" and "The Anatomy of Peace"). Having read and followed Jim for over two decades I believe "You and We" is his best work. This is a profound read that makes a compelling case for a relational re-orientation toward leadership, teamwork, and life. It will open your mind and heart to seeing, hearing, and relating to others in new and powerful ways that are generative and compounding. Once again Jim has done a remarkable job of distilling and conveying complex human dynamics into a clear, concise, and enjoyable business fable with relatable characters and a memorable storyline. I thoroughly enjoyed this book and highly recommend it!
June 27, 2025
I have loved Jim’s work since I first read The Anatomy of Peace when it came out. You and We takes his work to the next level, expanding the way I think about relation and how we engage with others. This book is a powerful example of how we can transform ourselves, relationships, our work, and our communities. I absolutely loved this book and can’t wait for the rest of the world to read it!
July 4, 2025
It is rare to find a business book that makes leadership topics feel this human, this real and personal. It is not about another framework, hack, or quick fix strategy – but about breaking through the stuff that holds us back from truly connecting. This is deep, powerful, and truly transformational work.
July 25, 2025
Knowing the author's previous work (especially the book Leadership and Self-deception, which has been life changing for me years ago), I had extremely high expectations for this book and couldn't wait to get my hands on it.
Having read it now, I'm happy to report it more than delivered on those expectations. Firstly, I love the format of the book. It's not your typical business book. And it's not a typical novel. It's a mix of both and that makes it unique and (in my opinion) that much more powerful.
The author's style of delivering actionable and immediately usable concepts and tools through an engaging story featuring rich and extremely relatable characters helped me internalize the concepts on a much deeper level than I would reading a "normal" business book.
Secondly I believe the book's main message is so important for our current time. We're facing loss of trust in organizations and politics and more and more loneliness and detachement. I see this book and the lessons it contains as the best antidote to all that. It beautifully outlines the importance of focusing on relations (the space between us) and provides very specific ways we can put into practice to improve no just our relationships but their outcomes as well.
The book reads beautifully and I didn't have one moment where I would struggle or not be pulled into the next chapter by my curiosity and excitement for what's coming next.
I believe this book should be mandatory read for all leaders and managers of all types of organizations, politicians and everyone else who wants to create a life that is fulfilling and connected.
Having read it now, I'm happy to report it more than delivered on those expectations. Firstly, I love the format of the book. It's not your typical business book. And it's not a typical novel. It's a mix of both and that makes it unique and (in my opinion) that much more powerful.
The author's style of delivering actionable and immediately usable concepts and tools through an engaging story featuring rich and extremely relatable characters helped me internalize the concepts on a much deeper level than I would reading a "normal" business book.
Secondly I believe the book's main message is so important for our current time. We're facing loss of trust in organizations and politics and more and more loneliness and detachement. I see this book and the lessons it contains as the best antidote to all that. It beautifully outlines the importance of focusing on relations (the space between us) and provides very specific ways we can put into practice to improve no just our relationships but their outcomes as well.
The book reads beautifully and I didn't have one moment where I would struggle or not be pulled into the next chapter by my curiosity and excitement for what's coming next.
I believe this book should be mandatory read for all leaders and managers of all types of organizations, politicians and everyone else who wants to create a life that is fulfilling and connected.
July 14, 2025
Jim Ferrell's newest book, "You and We," is a disruptor to the way we look at relationships - in any environment or setting - and how growth and healing come from embracing and celebrating our differences by starting with "we," not "me."
If you want to have your eyes opened and challenge the norms on relationship development and connection with others, don't miss the opportunity to read "You and We, written by one of the premier thought leaders and deep thinkers of this generation.
If you want to have your eyes opened and challenge the norms on relationship development and connection with others, don't miss the opportunity to read "You and We, written by one of the premier thought leaders and deep thinkers of this generation.
August 4, 2025
This book contains profound insights about relationships and conflict. I have read many of Jim's books before, but in this one I find myself going back again and again for more insights. Read it, then re-read it again. You won't regret it.
September 16, 2025
I can’t write a review of Jim Ferrell’s new book, “You and We”, without telling some of my journey. 2.5 years ago a close friend recommended the book, “The Bonds that Make Us Free” by Terry Warner, one of the founders of the Arbinger Institute. Since then I’ve read everything in their library, watched nearly all of their videos, got some training, was introduced to Withiii, read all of their material, and received some one-on-one coaching. To say this journey has been life-changing would be an understatement.
I can’t encapsulate in a review the words to express my gratitude for the authors and contributors at Withiii and Arbinger for their work in the world and their contribution to my life. I have richer, deeper connections and peace in the process as I continue to learn and grow. I’ve been lifted as their offerings continue to help me turn outward towards humanity into genuine connection. From my personal perspective, this is their legacy to me and to the world.
“You and We” brought my understanding to a new level, further transforming my relationships even as I was reading it. Jim’s unique style of writing uses corporate storytelling to express deep transformational ideas giving you an emotional tie to the concepts and examples of how they play out with ways to apply them. Instead of dry abstract philosophy, you have applicable ideas with cognitive tools for implementation expressed by fictional characters you can identify with as they try to untangle the mysteries of relational reality.
I’m not a literary critic, but I was genuinely moved by the narrative; I laughed, got defensive, and choked up. I saw myself in the characters on the page as they struggled with relational growth. The ideas are not just theory, they are the result of decades of applying the principles and learning what has the most impact on company culture and productivity consulting across the world. You can feel that through the narrative.
You and We is a leap forward in relational understanding. Don’t just read the book; let it transform you. It’s a journey I’d recommend to my closest friends and my fiercest competitors/enemies. Between you and ‘we’, it’s worth every effort.
I can’t encapsulate in a review the words to express my gratitude for the authors and contributors at Withiii and Arbinger for their work in the world and their contribution to my life. I have richer, deeper connections and peace in the process as I continue to learn and grow. I’ve been lifted as their offerings continue to help me turn outward towards humanity into genuine connection. From my personal perspective, this is their legacy to me and to the world.
“You and We” brought my understanding to a new level, further transforming my relationships even as I was reading it. Jim’s unique style of writing uses corporate storytelling to express deep transformational ideas giving you an emotional tie to the concepts and examples of how they play out with ways to apply them. Instead of dry abstract philosophy, you have applicable ideas with cognitive tools for implementation expressed by fictional characters you can identify with as they try to untangle the mysteries of relational reality.
I’m not a literary critic, but I was genuinely moved by the narrative; I laughed, got defensive, and choked up. I saw myself in the characters on the page as they struggled with relational growth. The ideas are not just theory, they are the result of decades of applying the principles and learning what has the most impact on company culture and productivity consulting across the world. You can feel that through the narrative.
You and We is a leap forward in relational understanding. Don’t just read the book; let it transform you. It’s a journey I’d recommend to my closest friends and my fiercest competitors/enemies. Between you and ‘we’, it’s worth every effort.
September 17, 2025
I found this book to be a surprisingly hopeful and engaging story with truly thoughtful and applicable insights relevant to today's world. The book is both a philosophy book and a leadership book. It is a self-help book and a guide on how to improve your relations. It shifts the focus away from us as the center of our universe and instead puts our relations with others at the center, challenging us to see differently.
We get the story of 12 people attending a training session sponsored by the US government. Of the twelve, 4 are from one company, 4 from another, and 4 from Congress - 2 Democrats and 2 Republicans. The focus is primarily on the CEO of one of the companies, Zane, who had actually fired the person who's leading the training and tried to hire, but was turned down by the other instructor. So, while we sit in on the training, we also eavesdrop on the conversations and on Zane's internal thoughts. We know about his internal and personal struggles, which engages the listener/reader more than just here are "the 4 laws of relation" and "the 5 levels of relation."
To quote a quote from the book that sums up what I suspect the author would like the reader to have as a takeaway, the book contains "Substance so stirred at its depth to result in a change in essence opening a path for transformation from solitary to synthesis."
I would love it if Congress did read this book and learn from it. If leaders from every company would read it and work out the relation maps for their organization. If people would use the concepts in this book to help repair the divide that exists in our nation and the world. It's a good book.
Since I was able to obtain an advanced readers copy of the audiobook via Netgalley and Brilliance Audio, I was not provided with the PDF that is mentioned that will be shared with the audiobook. I suspect that there will be diagrams in the book showing the laws, the levels, the relational maps, and everything else that is shown to the group in the training. I believe that would be helpful to understanding some of the concepts, especially when the "line becomes a hyphen" - took me a while to orient the line correctly and I'm not sure if I did.
We get the story of 12 people attending a training session sponsored by the US government. Of the twelve, 4 are from one company, 4 from another, and 4 from Congress - 2 Democrats and 2 Republicans. The focus is primarily on the CEO of one of the companies, Zane, who had actually fired the person who's leading the training and tried to hire, but was turned down by the other instructor. So, while we sit in on the training, we also eavesdrop on the conversations and on Zane's internal thoughts. We know about his internal and personal struggles, which engages the listener/reader more than just here are "the 4 laws of relation" and "the 5 levels of relation."
To quote a quote from the book that sums up what I suspect the author would like the reader to have as a takeaway, the book contains "Substance so stirred at its depth to result in a change in essence opening a path for transformation from solitary to synthesis."
I would love it if Congress did read this book and learn from it. If leaders from every company would read it and work out the relation maps for their organization. If people would use the concepts in this book to help repair the divide that exists in our nation and the world. It's a good book.
Since I was able to obtain an advanced readers copy of the audiobook via Netgalley and Brilliance Audio, I was not provided with the PDF that is mentioned that will be shared with the audiobook. I suspect that there will be diagrams in the book showing the laws, the levels, the relational maps, and everything else that is shown to the group in the training. I believe that would be helpful to understanding some of the concepts, especially when the "line becomes a hyphen" - took me a while to orient the line correctly and I'm not sure if I did.
November 30, 2025
Jim Ferrell has taken his own thinking in Leadership and Self-deception and The Anatomy of Peace to the next level. It moves from individual vantage point to the truths behind human relation - where we really aren’t individuals without one another.
I took lessons from the levels of relation. What struck me most was the chapter on giving each person their due by creating space, standing horizontally rather than above or below others, BEHOLDING, And being open to change and adapt. This put into a framework pieces of things that I’ve thought about and value.
The story/fable format really makes these concepts accessible. Highly recommend!
I took lessons from the levels of relation. What struck me most was the chapter on giving each person their due by creating space, standing horizontally rather than above or below others, BEHOLDING, And being open to change and adapt. This put into a framework pieces of things that I’ve thought about and value.
The story/fable format really makes these concepts accessible. Highly recommend!
September 25, 2025
Have you ever wanted to be a fly on the wall in a $100,000 business seminar that doesn't just make you feel good for a couple of days, but has the power to transform lives, families, businesses, communities, nations and the world? This book gave me that chance! I got to me more than the fly on the wall. As I pondered on the principles and ideas and let them sink deep, I immediately began to feel the change in my perspective. My heart and mind have been changed. I began practicing what I was learning as I was reading and felt and witness immediate impact in my relationship with my family and co-workers. I have a long way to go, just as the characters in this book do, but I've felt the beginnings of stirrings at my depths, a change in my essence, an open path for change from solitariness to synthesis.
September 29, 2025
Impactful
This book is for leaders who want exponentially stronger, warmer relationships across systems. It will definitely make you look at yourself, hopefully with both honesty and compassion.
This book is for leaders who want exponentially stronger, warmer relationships across systems. It will definitely make you look at yourself, hopefully with both honesty and compassion.
October 26, 2025
I was assigned to read this book prior to a scheduled retreat for work. Leadership books are tricky to write in a way that engages as well as educates on topics that are intangible. Likewise, retreats covering these sorts of topics can seem forced and contrived. This book was the essence of both: a meta-retreat of me reading about people awkwardly navigating a leadership retreat. And now I have to go to mine and talk about them. Anyway, the concepts about relations and relationships might be interesting outside of this story.
October 19, 2025
Highly Engaging, Insightful
I feel that now I have got a good explanation about “HOW” one can work on improving the relational aspects of their life and business.
I feel that now I have got a good explanation about “HOW” one can work on improving the relational aspects of their life and business.
July 31, 2025
There are few books that can make you think, make you feel and offer you hope - all at the same time. Author, Jim Ferrell, has masterfully illuminated the invisible force that shapes us all and in doing so, provides a framework that can help individuals, partners, teams, organizations and communities connect more deeply with one another. This book has the potential to change lives in a deeply personal way and at scale, providing a template as a way of resolving conflict and building bridges.
September 23, 2025
Admittedly, I was provided an early copy of You and We as part of the pre-launch team. Life happens, and I was not able to participate as fully as originally anticipated. I did, however, read it slowly and introspectively. Twice.
That said, I found the story to be believable and impactful, although maybe a little forced. There were times when I needed to stop and really consider what was happening, being said, or the point being made. That's not necessarily a bad thing, just not something I would normally take the time to do. Because I have followed Jim Ferrell's work for quite some time and was willing to slow down with the text, the impact of what was being shared was better internalized.
Like many, my first introduction to Jim’s work came when I read Leadership and Self-Deception… several times. For me, that work of art didn’t come together until I attended training with The Arbinger Institute. Only then could I read the book again and really settle into what it meant for me and the life I wanted to help create for those around me (largely because of how I saw them).
There's a lot to unpack in You and We that might initially come across as just another simple leadership fable (a style I personally enjoy). That unpacking requires attention to the philosophical undertones, while being prepared to confront the harsh realities of personal life. I'm not sure a lot of readers are preparing themselves to have sustained internal dialogue while moving through the story. It’s not something that comes easily to me.
In terms of impact potential, I give it five stars. I leave it at four because I think the story requires us to be open to what true relational thinking and acting are all about. If not, the story may fall a little flat. The effort is noble, and if we’re sincere about truly considering how we are always in relation to each other, it requires intentional mental preparation to get there. Even after reading Jim’s Preface (and my earlier experiences with his works), I wasn’t ready… either time.
Because I believe in the impact this information and understanding can have on our world, I will likely reread it several more times. I think good works require that of us.
That said, I found the story to be believable and impactful, although maybe a little forced. There were times when I needed to stop and really consider what was happening, being said, or the point being made. That's not necessarily a bad thing, just not something I would normally take the time to do. Because I have followed Jim Ferrell's work for quite some time and was willing to slow down with the text, the impact of what was being shared was better internalized.
Like many, my first introduction to Jim’s work came when I read Leadership and Self-Deception… several times. For me, that work of art didn’t come together until I attended training with The Arbinger Institute. Only then could I read the book again and really settle into what it meant for me and the life I wanted to help create for those around me (largely because of how I saw them).
There's a lot to unpack in You and We that might initially come across as just another simple leadership fable (a style I personally enjoy). That unpacking requires attention to the philosophical undertones, while being prepared to confront the harsh realities of personal life. I'm not sure a lot of readers are preparing themselves to have sustained internal dialogue while moving through the story. It’s not something that comes easily to me.
In terms of impact potential, I give it five stars. I leave it at four because I think the story requires us to be open to what true relational thinking and acting are all about. If not, the story may fall a little flat. The effort is noble, and if we’re sincere about truly considering how we are always in relation to each other, it requires intentional mental preparation to get there. Even after reading Jim’s Preface (and my earlier experiences with his works), I wasn’t ready… either time.
Because I believe in the impact this information and understanding can have on our world, I will likely reread it several more times. I think good works require that of us.
September 8, 2025
A thought-provoking, potentially transformative allegory exploring the benefits of relational thinking in work, life, and leadership.
Jim Ferrell has spent a lifetime helping people break out of silos, tribes, or conflicts, find common ground, and work together for everyone's benefit. This experience shows in the well developed tools and concepts Jim shares alongside a story which illustrates how we can apply these tools in our lives.
This isn't just another theoretical book about communication, co-working, collaboration, or other abstract aspects of management science; but a radical gear-shift in how we think, build relationships, and work with others: a practical manual for overcoming the relational blind-spots in our ways of working and building communities.
Although I've applied most of these principles all my life, I found real comfort and new confidence through Jim's clear insights which have clarified the root causes of both the successes and the failures I have experienced while grappling with varying levels of relational maturity among my peers. I now have a stronger system for handling challenges and building more effective teams.
Criticisms: the story is written in an American (back-slapping, congratulatory, conversational) style, which as a typically understated British person I find mildly obnoxious. However this is forgivable since the story, characters, and culture are set in the United States: the book criticizes critical weaknesses in this (the author's own) culture: i.e., identifies weaknesses the hyper-individualism emphasized in American culture, and recommends more relationship-based attitudes and community-spirited societies. The book presents fundamental tools and insights that compensate for the cultural distance this style entails for foreign readers. These tools & insights represent a lifetime of Jim's consulting experience. It's worth overcoming that barrier to entry.
Disclosure: this is a review of the pre-release edition Jim Ferrell kindly shared with me. I also pre-ordered the book at full retail price, and believe this is well worth the money: I would recommend this book to almost anybody who wants to build better relationships at home or at work.
Jim Ferrell has spent a lifetime helping people break out of silos, tribes, or conflicts, find common ground, and work together for everyone's benefit. This experience shows in the well developed tools and concepts Jim shares alongside a story which illustrates how we can apply these tools in our lives.
This isn't just another theoretical book about communication, co-working, collaboration, or other abstract aspects of management science; but a radical gear-shift in how we think, build relationships, and work with others: a practical manual for overcoming the relational blind-spots in our ways of working and building communities.
Although I've applied most of these principles all my life, I found real comfort and new confidence through Jim's clear insights which have clarified the root causes of both the successes and the failures I have experienced while grappling with varying levels of relational maturity among my peers. I now have a stronger system for handling challenges and building more effective teams.
Criticisms: the story is written in an American (back-slapping, congratulatory, conversational) style, which as a typically understated British person I find mildly obnoxious. However this is forgivable since the story, characters, and culture are set in the United States: the book criticizes critical weaknesses in this (the author's own) culture: i.e., identifies weaknesses the hyper-individualism emphasized in American culture, and recommends more relationship-based attitudes and community-spirited societies. The book presents fundamental tools and insights that compensate for the cultural distance this style entails for foreign readers. These tools & insights represent a lifetime of Jim's consulting experience. It's worth overcoming that barrier to entry.
Disclosure: this is a review of the pre-release edition Jim Ferrell kindly shared with me. I also pre-ordered the book at full retail price, and believe this is well worth the money: I would recommend this book to almost anybody who wants to build better relationships at home or at work.
September 16, 2025
Jim Farrell’s You and We is one of those rare books that feels both deeply personal and universally applicable. At first, I found myself a little downtrodden as I recognized aspects of my own behavior in the people whose choices were hurting their relationships. But Farrell doesn’t leave the reader in despair—he empowers you to make real changes. By the end, I felt inspired and equipped to strengthen the way I connect with others.
The idea that struck me most is that each of us already has a relationship with everyone we encounter, and that relationship is never static. We can choose to elevate it to a higher plane of trust and connection, or we can allow it to drift downward into a deductive state if we’re careless. That simple truth was both humbling and motivating for me.
What makes this book especially powerful is Farrell’s writing style. It is story-driven and easy to follow, weaving together the experiences of others in a way that makes you inevitably see yourself in their struggles and breakthroughs. At the same time, it’s thought-provoking, nudging you to pause and reflect on how these lessons apply to your own life.
I believe You and We is a book for everyone. Business leaders will find principles to transform the culture of their organizations. Moms and dads will discover ways to strengthen family bonds. And anyone who simply wants richer, more meaningful relationships will walk away with both insight and encouragement.
In short, this is not just a book you read—it’s a book that helps you see, choose, and live differently.
The idea that struck me most is that each of us already has a relationship with everyone we encounter, and that relationship is never static. We can choose to elevate it to a higher plane of trust and connection, or we can allow it to drift downward into a deductive state if we’re careless. That simple truth was both humbling and motivating for me.
What makes this book especially powerful is Farrell’s writing style. It is story-driven and easy to follow, weaving together the experiences of others in a way that makes you inevitably see yourself in their struggles and breakthroughs. At the same time, it’s thought-provoking, nudging you to pause and reflect on how these lessons apply to your own life.
I believe You and We is a book for everyone. Business leaders will find principles to transform the culture of their organizations. Moms and dads will discover ways to strengthen family bonds. And anyone who simply wants richer, more meaningful relationships will walk away with both insight and encouragement.
In short, this is not just a book you read—it’s a book that helps you see, choose, and live differently.
September 18, 2025
" You can say You to me"
(Helmut Kohl to Ronald Reagan in a private Meeting, having a beer or two).
The former Chancelor of Germany is smiling in his grave. Never would he have dreamt of becoming part of a phantastic book, YOU AND WE, written by a modern famous American philosopher: Jim Ferrell.
This masterpiece of his coincidently found it's way into my hands. I was suspicious. I am German, very German. I know everything, and more than that: everything better!
I started reading, eyebrows risen. The plot seemed to be just a story. The story of a workshop as so countless workshops, different participants from different corners of the leading parts of society.
Okay Jim, what else?? What are you heading for??
And then I got hooked!! All those people turned to be part of ME! All the frustration, seemingly missed opportunities, misunderstandings...
Jim developes methods, Instruments, insights to discover yourself in your relationship to your workforce, your colleagues, your friends, your family, YOURSELF!
And he gives you exercises, possibilities to improve by exactly staying yourself!
Nothing of all that ist really new. Thoughts of Buddah, of wise philosophers especially Martin Buber, of Jesus if you want are the essence of a wonderful manual for living respectfully in different social settings. Jim Ferrell concentrates all you need for a better understanding of the deep wounds of modern societies.
But, what has Helmut Kohl to do with all this?
Read and smile...
Sabine Peters
Hamburg, Germany
(Helmut Kohl to Ronald Reagan in a private Meeting, having a beer or two).
The former Chancelor of Germany is smiling in his grave. Never would he have dreamt of becoming part of a phantastic book, YOU AND WE, written by a modern famous American philosopher: Jim Ferrell.
This masterpiece of his coincidently found it's way into my hands. I was suspicious. I am German, very German. I know everything, and more than that: everything better!
I started reading, eyebrows risen. The plot seemed to be just a story. The story of a workshop as so countless workshops, different participants from different corners of the leading parts of society.
Okay Jim, what else?? What are you heading for??
And then I got hooked!! All those people turned to be part of ME! All the frustration, seemingly missed opportunities, misunderstandings...
Jim developes methods, Instruments, insights to discover yourself in your relationship to your workforce, your colleagues, your friends, your family, YOURSELF!
And he gives you exercises, possibilities to improve by exactly staying yourself!
Nothing of all that ist really new. Thoughts of Buddah, of wise philosophers especially Martin Buber, of Jesus if you want are the essence of a wonderful manual for living respectfully in different social settings. Jim Ferrell concentrates all you need for a better understanding of the deep wounds of modern societies.
But, what has Helmut Kohl to do with all this?
Read and smile...
Sabine Peters
Hamburg, Germany
October 24, 2025
You and We is a deeply thoughtful and refreshing take on what it truly means to lead and live in relationship with others. Instead of focusing on traditional leadership tactics or self-improvement checklists, Ferrell invites us to look at the relational field how our interactions and perceptions shape everything we do, both at work and in life.
I really appreciated the way the book combines story and insight. The fictional narrative made the ideas come alive and helped me see how small shifts in perspective can completely change how we connect, collaborate, and communicate. Ferrell’s approach feels both practical and deeply human it’s not about fixing others, but about seeing and engaging with them differently.
Listening to the audiobook was especially powerful. Jim Ferrell’s own narration added warmth and sincerity to the message, and I often found myself pausing just to sit with some of the ideas.
This book will stay with me for a long time. It’s a beautiful reminder that leadership isn’t about position or authority it’s about relationship.
Thank you to NetGalley and Brilliance Audio for the advance listening copy (audio ARC)
I really appreciated the way the book combines story and insight. The fictional narrative made the ideas come alive and helped me see how small shifts in perspective can completely change how we connect, collaborate, and communicate. Ferrell’s approach feels both practical and deeply human it’s not about fixing others, but about seeing and engaging with them differently.
Listening to the audiobook was especially powerful. Jim Ferrell’s own narration added warmth and sincerity to the message, and I often found myself pausing just to sit with some of the ideas.
This book will stay with me for a long time. It’s a beautiful reminder that leadership isn’t about position or authority it’s about relationship.
Thank you to NetGalley and Brilliance Audio for the advance listening copy (audio ARC)
September 13, 2025
I felt my heart expand as I read this book.
You and We will change your life, and the lives of everyone with whom you associate.
It is a masterclass on human flourishing and will help you get outside your head and experience yourself in relation.
There is no you, and there is no me; there is only we.
As I read You and We, I found myself applying its insights regularly in my personal and professional life. Many people would see me carrying the book, and I would love to talk about it!
It is rare to find a book that feels so relatable, deep, and personal. I saw myself in the characters, and felt my heart opening up in remarkable ways.
Jim Ferrell is an extraordinary storyteller. As you read this book, it is uncanny how much it feels like you are reading the story of your own life.
If you're considering whether or not to read this book, my invitation is to read it!
It will be a turning point in your life, and you will experience the world differently.
It is difficult to describe, but you will expand and grow larger as you study and apply You and We.
You and We will change your life, and the lives of everyone with whom you associate.
It is a masterclass on human flourishing and will help you get outside your head and experience yourself in relation.
There is no you, and there is no me; there is only we.
As I read You and We, I found myself applying its insights regularly in my personal and professional life. Many people would see me carrying the book, and I would love to talk about it!
It is rare to find a book that feels so relatable, deep, and personal. I saw myself in the characters, and felt my heart opening up in remarkable ways.
Jim Ferrell is an extraordinary storyteller. As you read this book, it is uncanny how much it feels like you are reading the story of your own life.
If you're considering whether or not to read this book, my invitation is to read it!
It will be a turning point in your life, and you will experience the world differently.
It is difficult to describe, but you will expand and grow larger as you study and apply You and We.
August 14, 2025
As a therapist, I have the honor of watching people do the deep interior work of transformation and change. Virtually everything is a system, both inside us and outside us. Jim Ferrell takes readers on a journey to help them understand the relational spaces between parts in those systems.
Reading this book, I was in awe of the author’s capacity to take complex ideas and bring them to a place of profound personal meaning. His adept story telling pulls you into the narrative, but allows space for the reader to make her own connections. In essence, he meets people in their internal worlds, while expanding the reach of personal insight and growth to relations within the multiple systems in which we live.
At this time in history, we need authors like Jim Ferrell who can help us gain perspective and see the challenges we face with fresh eyes and practical, user-friendly ways to create a more harmonious world. I highly, highly recommend this book.
Reading this book, I was in awe of the author’s capacity to take complex ideas and bring them to a place of profound personal meaning. His adept story telling pulls you into the narrative, but allows space for the reader to make her own connections. In essence, he meets people in their internal worlds, while expanding the reach of personal insight and growth to relations within the multiple systems in which we live.
At this time in history, we need authors like Jim Ferrell who can help us gain perspective and see the challenges we face with fresh eyes and practical, user-friendly ways to create a more harmonious world. I highly, highly recommend this book.
September 12, 2025
“You and We” has a great message for individuals and leaders. In a world where technology occupies our time, we have lost the ability to communicate with others. As a high school teacher, my students tell me they can’t stand to get calls, they prefer texts. The art of relating to others has been lost.
Mr. Ferrell has chosen to use story to teach us how to better relate to others. Using story form to teach a principal is a method that is literally as old as time. It is a tried-and-true method.
However, “You and We” felt forced. Much of the drama felt more like I was watching/listening to a soap opera.
Mr. Ferrell does a fine job narrating the audiobook. His voice and inflection keep you involved in the story.
Thank you to NetGalley and the Publisher for this ARC in exchange for an unbiased review.
Mr. Ferrell has chosen to use story to teach us how to better relate to others. Using story form to teach a principal is a method that is literally as old as time. It is a tried-and-true method.
However, “You and We” felt forced. Much of the drama felt more like I was watching/listening to a soap opera.
Mr. Ferrell does a fine job narrating the audiobook. His voice and inflection keep you involved in the story.
Thank you to NetGalley and the Publisher for this ARC in exchange for an unbiased review.
November 17, 2025
I read this because I've read several books by the author and I love how he will teach me things through the use of Story. This is a book that makes you rethink relationship and working together through the means of a story about a fictional CEO who has big ambitions but trouble in his company in that his coworkers don't always trust him. He is brought into a fictional meeting with many other types whose companies or organizations have trouble with conflict include senators from each side of the political spectrum. This fictional workshop made them rethink how they work together (or against each other) and how to make lasting change. I really like it. I love books that change my way of thinking, and having been in some truly collaborative relationships and work experiences in the past, it resonated. I listened to it on audible.
September 24, 2025
I’ve read a number of books on leadership and relationships, but none has shifted my perspective as much as You and We. It truly is a paradigm shift. My view of the world and the people around me has changed significantly, and it has helped me connect better both at work and at home.
And that doesn’t even touch on how engaging the storyline is. The characters and plot are so compelling that they make reading and learning the content much more enjoyable. I often found myself eager to see what the characters would discover next and how those discoveries would transform them.
The concepts in this book are not only fresh but also extremely practical. They’ve equipped me to become a better version of myself in my interactions with others. I highly recommend it to everyone!
And that doesn’t even touch on how engaging the storyline is. The characters and plot are so compelling that they make reading and learning the content much more enjoyable. I often found myself eager to see what the characters would discover next and how those discoveries would transform them.
The concepts in this book are not only fresh but also extremely practical. They’ve equipped me to become a better version of myself in my interactions with others. I highly recommend it to everyone!
October 2, 2025
You and We builds beautifully on the work of Leadership and Self Deception, developing a more complete picture of what it means to be a human living in the world with other humans. The writing style being fiction prose over traditional business book “case crust result case study result” makes the sometimes dense concepts approachable and digestible. Since finishing this book, I’ve found myself recognizing the times I’m watching others through a metaphorical glass window and thinking that means I “know” them and recognize their humanity. The truth of a person, as Jim writes, is only discovered when I walk outside.
June 20, 2025
I had the pleasure of reading, giving feedback, and endorsing You and We ahead of its publication. You and We is revolutionary. It is the most significant book about human relationships written in the past two decades. At a time when the world is tearing apart, the ideas and principles in this book are the key to solving our most intractable interpersonal, intersocial, and international crises. Although you won’t understand how profound this is until you read the book, healing the rifts in our world depends on fundamentally changing our understanding and practice of relation.
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